Family Ties (1982) s07e05 Episode Script

(no voice) I bet we've been together for a million years And I bet we'll be together for a million more Oh, it's like I started breathing On the night we kissed And I can't remember what I ever did before What would we do, baby, without us? What would we do, baby, without us? And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through What would we do, baby, without us? - We did it.
- We won.
BOTH: Yay! You know how lucky you are, Andy? Born under Reagan, raised under Bush.
I mean, with any luck at all, you will have a completely Democrat-free childhood.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Hey.
What about Dad? He took it really hard.
Yeah, well, you know, what can you say? The man was, uh, completely Dukakis-ized.
He said you were Bush-whacked.
Good morning.
- Oh, I feel great! - Me, too.
I bet I know why, Jen.
It's a shopper's sky.
Shopper's sky? I knew you'd like that.
Oh, I didn't realize that another meeting of the Young Republican Gloaters Club was in session.
Want to sit in? Yeah, Jen.
Join us.
Just to refresh your memory Bush won.
I'm warning you, Alex, I've had enough of this.
Read my lips.
That felt good.
Shopper's sky.
What? You don't want to know, Mom.
- (sighs) - What happened to you? We were stride-for-stride there for a while.
I had to stop.
I got a pain right here, a burning feeling.
Must've been something I ate.
What'd you eat? Just my usual breakfast.
Hearty helping of your tofu buckwheat loaf.
Look no further, Dad.
Yeah.
(groans in pain) There it goes again.
What is that? Does it hurt really bad, Dad? Uh no, Andy, it just hurts a little.
Think about Mickey Mouse.
No, no.
Works for me.
ELYSE: I don't know what to say, honey the buckwheat was fresh.
It's okay.
It's it's okay.
Um, Dad, Jennifer and I really need to go shopping.
Uh, let your dad finish his pain first, dear.
Well, how long are you gonna be? In just a few more good, sharp stabs, I'll be with you.
(low groan) Well, because there's a really big sale going on, and, well, I'm sure you noticed the shopper's sky.
Yes, I heard the birds singing all about it.
- Here.
- Oh! Don't forget to fill the tank.
- Okay! Feel better, Dad! - Okay.
Hope you feel better.
Take a bath! The tofu was fresh, too, I swear it.
You know, Dad, it may not be the tofu buckwheat loaf after all.
Although it certainly remains our prime suspect.
No, Dad, my guess is that you're suffering from a little-known malady called Dukakis Separation Anxiety.
Now, there's no known cure for DSA but there is hope.
Hope that sufferers like yourself will stop clinging rigidly to the Democratic Party.
Hope that they will join me and millions of other jolly, pain-free Republicans for four more years of joy.
Do it, Dad.
Join us.
Join the Republican Party and hurt no more.
Go away.
All right.
Come on, George.
(Steven sighs) - Hi, Andy.
- Hi.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm telling! I don't care, Andy; enough's enough.
Alex, come quick! Jen's got George! Freeze, Democrat! Andy.
Frisk her.
Alex, we all live in this house together.
Yeah? Not you, missy.
You're going to jail.
Oh, really? And what for? The, uh, the unlicensed dismantling of the Columbus White House.
Now give me George.
Come on, nice and slow, nothing fancy.
Come on.
Okay, Alex, but I'm throwing out your Ron and Nancy pillowcases.
Andy.
Don't let her out of your sight.
(footsteps running up stairs) George.
George, George, George, George, George.
(imitates trumpet playing "Hail to the Chief") George! Ah! Aren't you glad you listened to me, George? Huh? I told you, lose that high-pitched, squeaky voice, look people straight in the eye, and never, ever mention Pearl Harbor again.
And you did it, George.
You won.
Congratulations! Of course, it's not perfect.
Democrats have the Congress.
All right, okay, we still have the veto.
And if we want to, George, for the next four years, we can make sure absolutely nothing gets done.
- Now, George - (clears throat) Excuse me, Alex, I didn't realize you were in conference.
Uh that's all right, Dad, we're just, uh, we're just winding down.
Oh, look at you, Dad.
You look like you're obviously feeling better.
Much better, thanks.
I just, uh, cycled down to Darby Creek Park.
You know, I think it might have been all that jogging that wasn't working for me.
All that, all that, uh, you know, pounding may have, uh Shifted the buckwheat? (exhales) Very possibly.
- I hate when that happens.
- Mm.
Well, listen, I think I'm gonna go throw that-that buckwheat loaf out, okay? Um I'll give you a call if I need a hand lifting it.
All right.
(panting) (gasps in pain) (gasping) Elyse? (panting) - Well, what'd they say? Mom? - What? What? Well, nothing new.
He's still being examined.
You know, I've had about enough of this.
I'm gonna get something out of them.
Excuse me.
(woman speaking indistinctly over P.
A.
System) All right, okay.
All right.
Okay.
He's still being examined.
They They'll let us know, you know.
What do you think happened, Mom? I mean Oh, honey, we obviously don't know.
But we're just gonna make ourselves crazy if we try to guess.
Shortness of breath, dizziness, pain.
You know, it could be something he ate.
Yeah, we've considered that possibility.
I'm sorry, I couldn't help overhearing.
I'm Ruth Hobart.
Hello.
- Hi -Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Elyse Keaton, - and this is Mallory and Alex.
- Hi.
My husband had the very same symptoms, and they told me it could very well be food poisoning.
And? It was a heart attack.
(quietly): Oh, Lord.
We came in from Greenville two days ago, and Tony had surgery yesterday morning.
They said it went okay, but it was tough.
His heartbeat wasn't normal.
He had these arrhythmias that's what they called them.
Anyway, he's in the intensive care unit, and he's doing okay.
- Well, that's good.
- That's good.
- That's good.
Course, he still thinks it was food poisoning.
He says I've been trying to kill him with my meat loaf for years.
- I know how he feels.
- That's just like with Yeah, well it sounds like things are going in the right direction.
I'd just love to take him home right now, but they say he's gonna be here for a few more days.
I've been sleeping here and changing my clothes in the washroom.
It's not the Hilton, but I'm not leaving till Tony's ready to go home.
Mrs.
Hobart, I'm going down for a sandwich.
Can I get you anything? No, thank you, Mr.
Meyers.
And how about you nice people? - No.
- No, thanks.
- Oh, no.
That's Mr.
Meyers.
His wife had heart surgery; it was a big success.
She's going home soon, and I only hope he doesn't tell her that he and I slept in the same room last night.
I feel sorry for these people, having to wait around the hospital day after day.
Yeah.
I remember the last time I sat in the hospital.
Brought Alex in.
He swallowed a dollar.
Well, you know what they say: "You are what you eat.
" I remember you said they pumped his stomach and they came up with $11.
35.
Yeah.
You know, if they had left that in there, you know how much I'd be worth right now? MAN: Mrs.
Keaton? - Yes, Doctor? - Oh.
It's very good that you brought your husband in when you did.
He had a heart attack.
- What? - Oh.
- (groans) Now, the angiogram shows there is some blockage of the left coronary artery.
But he's an excellent candidate for bypass surgery, and we're checking his schedule to see how soon we can fit him in.
- Mom.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Come on, Jen, one more game of Chutes and Ladders.
Please? I can't, Andy, I just can't do it.
I've been down more chutes and up more ladders than anyone my age in America.
You can't poop out now, Jen; Mom's paying you to watch me.
Well, why don't you turn on the TV.
There's nothing on.
Maybe there's a ball game.
There's not.
I checked.
Well, maybe there's one of Dad's documentaries.
There is.
I checked.
(vehicle rumbling) Ah, the sound of grown-ups.
We're saved, Andy.
- Kiss me.
- Fat chance.
JENNIFER: Hi.
- ELYSE: Hi.
- Where's Dad? Uh Dad's Dad's in the hospital.
He's gonna he's gonna be staying there for a while.
- Did he get lost? - ELYSE: No, honey.
We don't want to scare you; we want to tell you truth, too.
But the thing is, your-your dad had a heart attack, honey.
What that means, honey, is that his heart, which-which is right here, has a boo-boo in it, and the doctor is gonna fix it, make it better.
Was it a massive coronary? How do you know about that? I saw a TV show on it.
Could they operate? Yes.
Okay.
No problem.
They do a million of those a week.
Oh, well, I'm gonna go up and get some of Dad's things together.
Come on up, Andy.
Maybe you can console me.
This is so hard to believe this would happen to Dad.
I mean, he did everything right he exercised, he ate right.
I mean, think about what he ate.
It's quite a testimonial to sprouts.
You know, I'm really scared.
This is dangerous, isn't it? (sighs) Yeah, it is.
I love him so much.
We all do.
We've known him for quite some time.
But it's such a helpless feeling though.
How could somebody like Dad have a heart attack? Well, Grandpa Jake did have a heart condition.
That's right.
He did.
That means that means I could have one.
That means any of us could have one.
Well, women don't get heart attacks nearly as often as men do.
Yeah.
Hey, ain't that a kick? I mean, I mean, men, we-we work, we slave and we die.
And-and you women, you-you just sit back and eat bonbons and collect the insurance.
Well, some insurance policies come with bonbons.
Oh! All right, okay, you laugh, you laugh.
It's true.
Men men, we men, we're up every morning crack of dawn.
Job to do, we get it done.
Close shave, suit and tie, bag lunch and we're out the door.
"Bye, honey.
Have a nice day.
"Oh, no, sweetheart, don't worry about me.
I'll be dead soon.
" We must remember these moments, Mallory.
We must write them down, because no one will ever believe them.
Where am I going? (monitor beeping steadily) (Steven sighs) - (knocking) - Yeah? Mr.
Keaton, there's someone to see you.
- No more doctors.
- (chuckles): No.
It's me, honey.
- Elyse.
- NURSE: Oh, Mr Mr.
Keaton, please.
Now, you must get back into bed.
He has a bit of a conduct problem.
Well, that's nothing new.
Now, you only have a moment; we have a blood test to run.
(sighs) More needles? Why don't you just run me through a sewing machine? Hmm.
Calm down, sweetheart.
Just-just let them do what they have to do; they're gonna do it anyway.
If I could just stick them with a few needles.
Yeah, well, maybe when you're feeling better, you can, uh, sneak up on someone.
(chuckles softly) Hi.
Hi.
I really missed you.
Me, too.
Everyone else is out in the waiting room.
I was the only one they'd let in.
Elyse I think there are a few things we need to discuss.
I will never serve the buckwheat loaf again.
The key to the safe deposit box I don't want to talk about that.
I don't want to talk about it either, but this may be our last chance to talk.
I'm not going in for a haircut here.
Listen, don't-don't talk like that.
We are not gonna need a safe deposit key for at least 50 years.
By which time, we'll be living off Alex anyway.
(sighs) Look, Elyse Uh I'm worried.
Uh It's possible I (sighs) You're gonna live a long time, Steven.
I want to live a long time.
I want to live a long time with you.
I want to be old with you, I want to sit on a porch and rock with you.
I want that, too.
And when we die I want us to die together.
I want us to get real old.
And then say, "One, two, three, die.
" That sounds like fun.
I want it to be that way, Elyse.
Me, too.
Because I cannot imagine being on this Earth without you.
How 'bout them Browns? I'm not really that interested in sports.
That so, a young fella like yourself? What are you interested in? Banking.
How 'bout them interest rates? I feel they're artificially inflated at the moment.
Due to the rampant fluctuations in the price-earning ratios of certain blue-chip stocks in the industrial quadrant.
Although, I'm sure you'll agree that the EEC's recent proclamation on the possible reactivation of the gold standard, making petrodollars a more financially lucrative option in this quarter, may help mitigate the crisis brought on by the refinancing of the deutsche mark.
I think the Browns got a shot.
ALEX: What? Oh.
Oh, no.
No, he's fine.
Sit down.
Sit down.
He's fine.
He He's making everyone nuts back there.
I take that as a good sign.
- Way to go, Dad.
- Yeah, that's-that's Dad.
This is some beautiful family you have, Elyse.
Reminds me a lot of my own until they grew up, moved out and never call.
- Are you the Keatons? - Yes.
- Yeah.
Hi, I'm Peggy Vincent, - Dr.
Harrison's secretary.
- Hi.
And if I may, I'd like to describe - the surgical procedure to you.
- (scoffs) Well, it's about time.
Okay.
ALEX: All right.
Oh, my God! Grow up.
It's just a heart.
Yes, it is.
And this right here is the left coronary artery.
That's the one that has the blockage.
So what Dr.
Harrison will do is open the chest cavity Uh, is that a must? Yes, it is, dear.
That's where the heart is.
I see.
Now, the object of the surgery is to bypass this clogged coronary artery - (Alex exhales) - With a piece of another artery.
So what Dr.
Harrison will do is sew (Alex panting) You don't look very well.
Oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine, really.
I'm just, you know, listening quietly here.
You have my complete undivided attention.
Okay.
Now, the doctor is going to sew the new artery into Mr.
Keaton's left coronary artery to develop a flow of blood - around the blocked area, - Right.
And thereby bring a supply of vital nutrients to the heart.
(Alex panting) And that's it.
Now, the surgery will take place tomorrow morning at 7:00, and the procedure normally takes about five hours.
So, are there any questions? (monitor beeping steadily) DR.
HARRISON: Just breathe normally, Mr.
Keaton.
(Steven sighs) Good.
Very good.
Now, this is a team effort, Steven, and we're gonna need your help here.
Okay.
You lie down, I'll do the surgery.
(chuckles) I'm all scrubbed up.
You better let me do it.
That's a beautiful family you have out there.
You're going to be seeing them very soon.
I had a nice chat with your wife.
She's a lovely woman.
What's her first name? STEVEN: Elyse.
DR.
HARRISON: That's a beautiful name, Elyse.
Come on, Steven, tell me.
There's something on your mind.
Elyse.
Mm-hmm? I was accepted into the Peace Corps.
Steven, that's great.
They're sending me to Africa.
Zambezi.
Your first choice! Good for you.
I want you to come with me.
I want to go.
Well, I called and asked.
They can't guarantee that we can go to the same place.
That is, unless we're married.
Now, I know how we feel about marriage.
So unnecessary when the love and the commitment is real.
And we're so right.
And that's how we feel.
Funny, last night after you left, I was thumbing through this.
Listen to this it's a quote from Euripides, who was no fool, by the way.
"Never say that marriage has more joy than pain.
" Is that saying it? (sighs) Says it all.
It's funny, when I got home last night, I picked up some Shakespeare.
Same subject.
"When daisies pied, and violets blue, "And lady-smocks all silver-white, "And cuckoo-buds of a yellow hue "Do paint the meadows with delight, "The cuckoo then, on every tree, "Mocks married men, for thus sings he: "'Cuckoo! Cuckoo, cuckoo! ' O word of fear, Unpleasing to the married ear.
" Wow.
Do you have any idea what that means? Absolutely none.
Will you marry me? I want nothing more.
(erratic beeping) We got a problem here.
His blood pressure's falling.
His heart is fibrillating.
Quick, let's shock him.
- (monitor flatlines) - Hurry up.
We're gonna lose him.
(defibrillator thumping) MAN: Sit, Ubu, sit.
Good dog.
(Ubu barks)