Magnum, P.I. (1980) s07e05 Episode Script

Hey, man, you got a dollar? You got a dollar, man? See you later.
Higgins, you have my word on it, my absolute solemn promise, that the wine cellar thermostat will be checked and double-checked and triple-checked on a daily basis.
Twice daily will be quite sufficient.
Will you stop worrying? You've been going on this junket for five years now The annual meeting of poets, playwrights, editors, essayists, and novelists can hardly be called a junket.
For five years now, and not once has there ever been a serious problem at the estate.
Unless you consider the time it nearly went up in flames.
The only thing that went up in flames was Rick's vodka teriyaki sauce.
Only a man with your predilection for Maui chips and beer could refer to Rick's inedible sauce as teriyaki.
I think it's a wonderful thing you're doing for the lads, taking them on your trip to Maui.
And thereby relieving you of the responsibility for their care.
I knew you would appreciate the gesture.
Higgins, I am not going to let you ruin my good mood.
Have a safe trip.
And don't worry.
Everything will be fine here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the week of your Don't! Don't! Don't say it.
No, please.
Don't say it.
You don't want to miss your plane.
Good luck, Magnum.
Last chance, Thomas.
You coming with us or not? I told you.
I can't.
Leave the man alone, Orville.
While we're on Lanai, with the whole island to ourselves, he'll be in the wine cellar, babysitting a thermostat.
The only thing I'll be babysitting is my I can't say it.
Say what? Never mind.
I don't want to talk about it.
I'm telling you it's the Fourth of July weekend.
He always gets like this.
This has nothing to do with the Fourth of July.
Wait a minute.
Isn't this the week of your Don't say it, please! I just don't want to hear it out loud.
Hear what? Good luck, Thomas.
Just don't let 'em wear you down.
Thanks.
Tax audit! There, I said it.
I once had a paper route in Tidewater.
The Daily Sentinel.
It was my first regular job.
I made $12 a week and a penny for every delivered paper.
And I never got nervous at income tax time because I knew the IRS always gave me my money back.
Reluctantly.
Sending in your 1040 form has always been as much a part of the American way of life as hot dogs at the ballpark on the Fourth of July.
Only now I found myself having to file a lot more than a 1040, I wasn't getting my money back anymore, and I hadn't been to the ballpark on the Fourth since Well, since before the paper route.
I told myself not to feel persecuted.
I told myself that people who get audited are chosen at random.
I told myself it was nothing personal.
I knew it.
They're out to get me.
Thomas, no one's out to get you.
I have to go through my entire case file to see if I can figure out which client goes with which receipt.
They just want a proper accounting of all your business expenses.
Yeah, well, that could take days.
They're not paying me for my time, you know.
Well, from what I can see, no one else is, either.
It'll just take a few days, at the most.
Well, just so we're through by the Fourth.
That's all I care about.
Hello? Is this Thomas Magnum? Yes.
Then you should say so when you answer your phone.
It's more professional.
Uh, who is this? I haven't been christened yet.
I'm waiting for the press to do that.
Look, I'm real busy here.
Not as busy as you're going to be.
"Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub, "And who do you think they be?" What was that about? Somebody's idea of a joke.
Now, where were we? We were discussing your fiscal timetable.
And I'd like to know where the dinner you owe me fits in.
Well, any time after the weekend of the Fourth.
And any place you wanna go.
Don't worry.
I'll be reasonable.
Hello? You tried to kill Phillipe, and then he killed LaBoule, one and the same, he knew they were, for Magnum is no fool.
Phillipe, come on! I'll never make it.
Go! No! What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? Who are you? What do you want? "Rub-a-dub-dub, "three men in a tub, "and who do you think they be?" Just say what you gotta say! "The butcher, the baker, "the candlestick maker, "Turn them out, "knaves all three.
" If this is some kind of game, I'm not playing.
I guess you'd rather dip your hands in the blood of a whore by this time tomorrow.
Look, uh, why don't you tell me where you are, I'll call someone for you.
"Three men in a tub.
" Find them and you'll find me.
Tonight.
Thomas? Excuse me a minute, Maggie.
I gotta make a phone call.
Welcome to the club, Magnum.
Wow, we get these kind of calls all the time.
But thanks for reporting it.
We'll look into it.
Why did I come all the way down here? You could've ignored my report on the phone.
But then how would you have signed it? I mean, you didn't give us a name, a location.
Just a nursery rhyme.
And the fact that I heard pedicab bells.
That puts him in Waikiki or downtown.
Now, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, Lieutenant.
But that nursery rhyme, it's a place to start.
Well, did he say anything else? Anything at all? Like "Bah, bah, black sheep, Have you any wool?" No.
Leave your name, number and the time you called and I'll get back as soon as I can.
Wait for the beep.
Maggie? Come on.
You there? I hate these things, they make me nervous.
Uh, hi Maggie.
Uh, I'm sorry I had to leave today.
I'd like to start an early, uh, get an early start tomorrow.
Morning, early, thanks.
Fool.
Maggie.
I knew you were there.
Magnum, Lieutenant Page.
I think you'd better get down here, right away.
Thomas Magnum.
Lieutenant Page sent for me.
The victim's name was Laura Stiles.
Coming through.
One of her coworkers found her.
You didn't check out my report.
Well, pardon my ignorance, but what was I supposed to do with your little nursery rhyme? "Three men in a tub, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker.
" Thomas, maybe we should do this another day.
No.
We have to finish by the Fourth.
They won't be much longer.
Okay? We won't be any longer.
The taps are on the phone and my men are stationed close by.
Oh, by the way, Magnum, you're absolutely sure that this guy didn't say anything else to you except the nursery rhyme? Yeah, I'm sure.
Well, let's get back to work.
I'll be right back.
Lieutenant? Look, sorry I've had kind of a short fuse about all this.
Forget it, Magnum.
I know you had plans for this week.
What else? Well, this may not be important, but, uh, Laura Stiles' killer didn't exactly pick my name out of a hat.
She was a client of mine.
A client? Yeah, I don't know how this guy knew about it or why he was calling me, but What else are you holding back on me? I'll never make it.
Go! No! There's no connection.
There couldn't be.
I can't force you to tell me about it, I'm gonna leave that up to you.
Now, look, you got the reputation of a guy who likes to do things on his own.
Well, stick by the phone on this one, dude.
It's the only thing we got.
Mr.
Magnum? Oh, I'm press, I'm press.
Jeff Spangler, International Image! You know, I wouldn't make a habit of sneaking in here.
There's usually a couple of dogs around, and they take a real exception to trespassers.
Oh, now, wait a second.
I just want to ask you a few questions.
Why? We haven't had any alien abductions or voices from the grave, at least none that I can think of.
No, but you have had a murder and you knew about it in advance.
And the reason you knew about it is because the killer told you it was going to happen.
Out.
I'm right, and you know it.
I'm not gonna talk to you.
Tell me about The Ripper's nursery rhyme.
That's what I'll be calling him in my story.
You can tell him that when he calls again.
What makes you think I'll ever talk to him again? Thank you.
You've just confirmed that you did talk to him at least once.
I don't know how you know what you think you know, but I happen to know a certain police lieutenant who'd go to great lengths to find out.
I haven't worried about the cops since I read the First Amendment.
Don't wrap yourself in the Bill of Rights with me.
I know what you're doing.
You're trying to keep the truth from the American public.
Hey, hey, hold it! Who the hell are you? Jeff Spangler, International Image.
Uh, yeah, well I'm afraid I'm gonna have to see some sort of ID.
Yeah, hey, come on.
Hit me.
Hit me again.
Uh, thank you very much, Mr.
Spangler.
Congratulations.
You guys are really on the ball.
Hello? Hello, is anybody there? You won't hang up, Magnum.
I know you better than that.
Do that again and I'll never let you catch me.
I guess you don't know me as well as you think you do.
Maybe not.
But I do value your opinion.
You're the best there is.
What makes you say that? Once upon a time, another Laura and the wine, you found the truth for all to see, a simple case of infidelity.
What? Great "A", little "A", bouncing "B", the cat's in the cupboard, and she can't see.
Go on.
I know exactly how long it takes to trace a call, Magnum, and you're short by Did you get that, guys? I know what you're thinking, and you're right.
That little nursery rhyme could have described any number of places.
So why pick this one? Because I'd been here before.
And just like the corner where Laura Stiles was killed, I'd been here on a case.
One more time, Magnum, "Great 'A', little 'A's" Analupa and Son.
"Bouncing 'B"' is Bart's there.
And "the cupboard" is? "The cupboard" is the alley.
"The cat," that's our killer, will come from the alley.
"She won't see him" means the victim won't see him.
And you figured this all out by yourself.
Experience, Lieutenant.
And cold hard investigative logic.
Hey! I'm press, I'm press, Jeff Spangler, International Image.
Okay, Lieutenant, let's start with names and badge numbers.
I have every intention of swearing out a brutality complaint.
Will you just calm down, Mr.
Spangler? I am gonna take you and your men to court.
You don't have to let him talk to you like this.
Why the hell don't you just stay out of this? You and your men moved in too soon.
I will sue the entire state if I have to.
I'll tell you what I want.
I want to know how you happen to be in the right place at the wrong time.
Sources, that's how.
Magnum, that's enough.
Sources.
You know where I'll be, Page.
By the phone.
Shut up.
He tried to kill Phillipe I'll never make it.
Go! No! And then he killed LaBoule.
As you can see, I survived.
One and the same he knew them to be.
This isn't Nam.
No.
Why didn't you come back for me? Magnum is no fool.
Bravo, Magnum, bravo! Your performance last night was magnificent.
I was watching the whole wonderful show.
You go to Bart's Tavern a lot? You're sounding bored, Magnum.
And I know why.
Keystone Kops won't let you play my game by yourself.
Why don't we play a different game.
We are.
"Girls and boys come out to play "The moon doth shine as bright as day "Come with a whoop come with a call "Come with a good will "or don't come at all.
" "Girls and boys come out to play, "the moon doth shine as bright as day" "Doth shine" It's only the pizza man.
Who eats pizza for breakfast? It's open, Kana.
Small pepperoni, Magnum.
Comes to $5.
95.
Well, here's $100.
Keep the change.
Say what? All right, Magnum! I'm here.
The true hero.
So dedicated to rescuing all the innocent prostitutes from the villain's knife.
Why is that, Magnum? Why is the villain so dedicated to killing them? Because they're whores.
All of them.
Liars, cheaters, thieves.
What do you want from me? Don't you know? You're supposed to catch me.
You're supposed to stop me from slicing up number two and number three.
Well, you blew it.
Number two was supposed to be last night.
No, no, no, no, no, Magnum, you blew it.
Number two was last night.
What are you talking about? And I really think you're going to love number three.
Riddle me this.
What has four legs in the morning and two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening? I've heard this.
A man.
The answer's a man.
I was watching your whole wonderful show.
Once upon a time, another Laura, and the wine.
Because they're whores, all of them.
And I really think you're going to love number three.
A man.
Page.
Page, this is Magnum.
Where the hell are you, Magnum? Never mind where I am.
You gotta find Jeff Spangler.
I think he's our next victim.
Oh? Why would he go after Spangler? All his victims have been women.
But the answer to the riddle is a man.
What riddle? Four legs in the morning, that's a baby, two in the afternoon is an adult, and three in the evening, that's an old man with a cane.
He's trying to tell us the next victim is a man.
You haven't answered my question.
Why Spangler? I'm not sure of all the reasons.
I guess this guy admires me.
Maybe he wants my approval.
He knows I don't like the guy.
Whatever his reason Maybe Spangler wants you to think Spangler's the next victim.
Lieutenant Let me read you something.
There's no time! It's a police psychiatrist's report.
"In cases where the multiple killer contacts the authorities "and provides them with elaborate clues, "the subject is often classified as an A-type achiever, "with high motivation, crippled by low self-esteem.
"More than anything, the subject needs recognition for his achievements, "for without it, his own deep feelings of inadequacy "are confirmed.
" Now doesn't that sound like Spangler? No.
Well, I've got an APB out on him.
He's not the killer.
Well, that's exactly what he wants you to think.
Now, if you want to help with this investigation, just follow orders and leave the thinking to us.
Thank you, bye-bye.
What has four legs in the morning, and two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the evening? At the Kapiolani Park War Memorial Swimming Pool 1982.
Four legs in the morning, the four individual heats I'd entered.
Two legs in the afternoon, two legs of a medley relay, the prelim and the final.
But the event I hadn't counted on was the three legs in the evening.
The freestyle relay I took over when one of our teammates pulled a muscle.
Four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, three legs in the evening.
I couldn't move for a week after that.
Although The Ripper called for our clandestine meeting, he has yet to show himself.
You found me.
I knew you'd find me.
Why don't you put that knife down.
That's not part of the plan.
What is? It's me.
Surprised? I don't know you.
Don't play games with me, Magnum.
Of course you do.
No, I don't.
I really don't.
You have to.
Well, I'm sorry.
I just can't remember every single face I come across.
Some of them just aren't that memorable.
You have to remember.
You did me a favor.
Now I'm doing you one.
I'm helping you get rid of all the scum.
I'm doing this for you.
No, you're doing this for yourself.
You just wanna get your face in the paper.
Then people will remember you, won't they? Then you won't be a nobody anymore.
Don't make me hurt you, too, Magnum.
Why don't you come here and try.
Now, you better shut up now, or I will.
Then you can put my picture up in your room, paint the face all red.
You broke into my room! Oh, I get it.
I see what you're trying to do.
You're trying to save him.
Well, it won't work.
Don't make me shoot you.
You can't win, Magnum.
If you don't shoot me, he dies, and I win.
If you do shoot me, I still win.
Don't do it.
How did you know about LaBoule? "A wise old owl lived in an oak "The more he saw the less he spoke "The less he spoke the more he heard "Why can't we all be like that wise old bird?" One shot.
You got him with one shot.
This is it.
This is my ticket.
My move to a real paper.
My own byline, maybe.
It's goodbye, Atlanta, hello, Hawaii.
Just do me one favor, Spangler.
You saved my life.
Name it.
Don't mention my name.
You've got my word on it, Magnum.
Milton Collins.
Even after I heard his name, I still couldn't remember him.
I didn't have a record of him in my case file.
But something did show up in my appointment book.
I'd had a meeting at the club one day with a Milton Collins who wanted to know if his wife was cheating on him.
I only had to tail her once to find out the guy he thought she was seeing was only painting a portrait of her for their anniversary.
It was so easy I couldn't even take his money.
That must have been the favor he thought I had done for him.
And then I forgot all about Milton Collins.
I guess he felt a lot of people did.
And maybe he felt he had to do something about that.
I don't know.
I guess that's what bothered me most, I'd never know why.
Why he killed.
How he knew about Phillipe.
Maggie found out that he was stationed in Nam at the same time I was, but so were a lot of other guys.
I guess he was right.
At least in his mind, he did still win.
He died with all the secrets.
It wasn't the first time I'd had to accept that sometimes there were no answers.
I don't know why I started feeling the need to be by myself on the Fourth of July the day my dad died.
Or why I still feel the need to this day.
I just do.