NCIS Los Angeles s07e05 Episode Script

Thank you.
Have a good day.
Thank you.
We've landed, sir.
We've arrived in Los Angeles, sir.
Excuse me, sir.
Hello? Sir? Can you hear me? I'm sorry.
You were sound asleep.
We've landed.
Thank you.
Let's go.
Thank you, sir.
Supposed to be somebody here from NCIS here to get him.
Nobody here yet.
Take the hat off, look into the camera and place your right hand on the scanner.
Take your hand off the scanner.
Try again.
Is there a problem? Biometrics don't match.
This isn't his passport.
Of course it's his passport.
Look.
Then you got the wrong guy.
Wait.
Who the hell are you? Deeks.
What are you doing in there? Hurry up.
Geez, it's like he's shaving his legs or something.
Is there a, uh, is there a problem? Yeah, the problem is my partner takes longer than the average Kardashian to get ready.
Well, you, uh, you need a workout partner? (laughs) What? Really? Yeah.
You want to You, um, you want to be a part of this? Yeah, I want to be a part of this.
Daddy wants to be a part of this.
Let's do this.
(grunting) (whoops) You okay? Yeah.
Not exactly what I had in mind, but Oh.
Do you, uh, think I should I be wearing some kind of protective headgear? Want me to kick you in the head? Not particularly.
Okay.
Oh, Lord.
Christmas came early.
Samuel.
Sam-dawg.
Hey.
You know, we're just finishing up.
So you guys, uh, you can (chuckles) Oh, no, no, no.
I want to play Whack-a-Beale.
Yeah.
Kensi? You wanted to train with us.
This is training with us.
I do-I do want to train with you, but, you know, I just reali that, um, Granger wants me up in Ops.
Oh, no, come here.
No, no, Kensi.
Oh.
Come on.
You can do it.
Y Okay.
Eric.
Come on, come on, ten minutes.
Hey, come on.
(laughs) That was mean.
Oh, no.
That was fun.
Where's Deeks? Deeks has been in the locker room for about half an hour now.
I'm sorry I asked.
Where's Callen? He had something to do with Joelle, apparently.
Ooh.
Do I sense trouble in paradise? I don't know.
Just got a bad feeling it's gonna happen.
Why do you say that? You don't like her? Oh, no, I like her.
I actually set them up.
Now I'm wondering if it was a mistake.
Aw.
You starting to miss him? Huh? (laughs) Oh, don't tell me he's putting hos before bros.
How many relationships have you had that worked out while doing this? (grunts) Well, there was, uh Oh, no, he wasn't Um Yeah.
Exactly.
I like Joelle, so does Callen.
I don't think she can handle it.
This job is a cruel mistress.
Fortunately, I know how to handle my cruel mistress.
What the hell are you wearing? What do you mean, what the hell am I wearing? I'm wearing a track suit.
That is a jumpsuit.
That's a unitard.
Some kind of tard.
You don't recognize this? Yeah, Uma Thurman wore the same thing in Kill Bill.
Oh, my gosh, don't tell me you're cross-dressing.
The one that Uma Thurman wore was different, but it was also an homage to the original, which was worn by the greatest martial artist the world has ever known.
Seriously, nothing? Bruce Lee! The Dragon himself.
This is classic jeet kune do fight gear.
Since when do you do jeet kune do? Well, Kensilina, I'll have you know that, a lot like Batman, my unique coat skills come from a variety of fighting styles, which is jeet kune do, aikido, tae Kwon do.
Curly, Larry, Moe.
Oh, you know, I see what's happening here-- you're mocking me, which is interesting, because when you mock me, you mock my brother Bruce Lee, which seems a little bit racist and I'd actually expect more coming from you.
Keep it up, you're gonna get a lot more from me.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, really.
You familiar with the, uh, game of death? Oh, yeah.
I play it to win.
Well, don't make me unleash the dragon.
Please, somebody needs to train his dragon.
Bring it on.
Where have you been? Uh, just working out with Sam and Kensi.
Really? Yeah.
Sparring, mostly.
I'd pay to see that.
Yeah.
So, um, you wanted to see me? I want you to find any new information you can on this internal affairs investigation Deeks is part of.
And where would I look for something like that? If I knew that I would have done it myself.
You're the cyberpunk, you figure it out.
I prefer cyberstud.
(computer beeping) Perimeter alert.
Someone at the carport.
Punch it up.
Who is that? Hello? Anybody home? Do I need a secret password or something? You know, we don't have to do this now, Hetty.
Nonsense, this is a pleasure for me.
All right.
Reminds me of when I was working on The Lion in Winter with Hepburn and O'Toole and a young Anthony Hopkins.
Wow.
Mm.
Oh, my.
Well, it's just beautiful.
Thank you.
Have you ever been to a Renaissance fair? Uh, the Society for Creative Anachronism is what we called it in my day.
Mm.
Well, Eric's practically a celebrity at these things, so I figured I might as well at least try and look the part.
You will make a most fetching wench.
Thank you? KENSI: Hey, what's the emergency? Yeah, I got an alert from Beale.
Maybe it's revenge for the beating Kensi gave him.
You beat up Beale? No.
No.
Little bit.
What's happening, Beale? Yeah, we got a Pardon me, your grace.
My lord.
We got company.
Ah, wow.
So this is the secret lair of the West Coast Avengers.
I always wondered.
I'm Special Agent Tony DiNozzo, yes.
You must be Hetty.
And you must be in trouble.
Well, y-yeah.
A little bit.
Assistant Director Granger.
DiNozzo.
Agent Hanna and Blye.
Hi.
LAPD Detective Deeks.
Sup? It's nice to see you, Uma.
Bruce Lee, actually.
Bruce Lee wore it first.
And this is technical operator Eric Beale and Intel analyst Nell Jones.
Hi.
I love the cape.
Clearly, I've missed something.
Agent Callen, Agent DiNozzo from Washington.
He was just about to tell us to what we owe the pleasure of his visit.
I'm here to pick up a prisoner flying in from Singapore.
Only the guy that I went to the airport to pick up was not the prisoner from Singapore.
I hate when that happens.
Yeah.
Somehow he gave the marshal the slip in-flight and now he is in the wind.
Hm.
SAM: You lost your prisoner? I didn't lose anybody.
He was already lost when I got to the airport.
DEEKS: Semantics.
So who is he? His name is Rio Syamsundin.
Aka Wei Wong, aka Joshua Santos, aka Hiroshi Sato, aka Hoang Nguyen.
TONY: That's my fave.
He's got great hair.
Thanks for the assist.
Rio is suspected of laundering money for a number of criminal organizations, but no one's ever been able to nail him, in part because he's constantly assuming different identities and citizenships.
He also does his banking from a yacht in the international waters of the Asian Pacific.
Wow, my guidance counselor didn't tell me that was a career option.
I would have studied for that.
Well, for some reason he showed himself in Singapore and that's when he got grabbed.
Because we have a special relationship with SPF, we had first dibs.
We had a U.
S.
marshal flying him into L.
A.
and I was gonna pick him up and fly him back to DC.
And what happened? The marshal has no idea.
Says he had the right guy when he got on the plane.
A guy with his money can buy an escape plan, easy.
He hires a look-alike, takes the same plane.
KENSI: And if the double has a seat in another section of the aircraft he's just gonna look like any other passenger.
CALLEN: Rio probably had a flight attendant on the payroll, too.
If they slip something into the marshal's food or drinks, it would only be matter of time before he was out cold.
To everyone around him, it would just look like he's sleeping.
DEEKS: Once the marshal's out, our fugitive Rio is free to move about the cabin, so he heads to the lavatory, where an accomplice is waiting with everything he needs to disappear.
A change of clothes, new identification documents and, most importantly, a handcuff key.
CALLEN: Rio frees himself, puts on his wardrobe, then switches seats.
Double dresses Rio's clothes and handcuffs himself before taking Rio's seat with the marshal, who has slept through the entire switch.
DEEKS: And the real Rio walks off the plane a free man.
That's how I'd do it.
Huh.
That's pretty good.
Well, the bottom line is that Rio is a gold mine of information about criminal organizations and their finances.
And if he cooperates in exchange for a lenient sentence, we can shut down billions in terrorist funding overnight.
What happened to the guy he switched with? He is being held by Homeland at the airport.
Well, let's transfer him to the boatshed.
What's the boatshed? That's classified.
KENSI: It's where we interrogate suspects to keep this place off the radar.
Oh.
How Hardy Boys of you.
GRANGER: This guy's a high-value target.
Not only does he know where the money comes from and where it goes.
He also knows all the players.
And none of them wants him in our hands.
You need to be careful.
CALLEN: All right.
How do you want to do this? Well, I don't care how we do it.
I just need to find him fast.
Eric, Nell, why don't you see what you can get out of airport security? Find out where he went, or at least who picked him up and what name he's travelling under right now.
SAM: If Rio's working the Pacific Rim, he's probably got contacts along the coast.
Hopefully in L.
A.
DEEKS: Kensi and I will track down some leads, and I'll talk to LAPD to see if this guy has any links in town.
Let's do it.
Mr.
DiNozzo, a moment.
We'll wait for you outside.
Whatever you do, don't look her in the eye.
Let her smell your hand first.
(sniffing) Is Washington aware of what's happened? Ah.
Um, well, I was actually No.
No.
Your last visit to Los Angeles didn't go very well.
It could have gone better.
Director Shepard was murdered.
Much better.
How long before Gibbs is expecting you to check in? Not long enough.
Actually, uh, we are supposed to be on the 237 back to D.
C.
, so Oh.
Mm.
Um so? So, I suggest you get moving.
This fugitive isn't going to find himself.
How very true.
Thank you for that.
Tunnel.
Tunnel.
Of course.
What's a bat cave without a tunnel? Godspeed, Agent DiNozzo.
TONY (laughing): Wow.
This is very Lost Boys.
Wow.
So, it's more the Peter Pan variety than the, uh, two Coreys with the vampires.
You guys have a tree house? Marshall? Gentlemen.
Who's the woman? It's his lawyer.
Lawyer.
You let him make a phone call? No.
She showed up at the airport about ten minutes after you left.
SAM: Clearly, your boy Rio has put some thought into this.
CALLEN: Why don't you two take a crack at him, I'll speak with the marshal here.
Sam, I assume you're gonna want to be bad cop.
Why'd you say that? 'Cause of the role-playing.
Role playing? Yeah, you know.
Your undercover work.
I understand that you adopt these personas, and (laughs) He's very method.
Mm.
Special Agent Sam Hanna, Special Agent DiNozzo.
Miss? Attorney.
Sarah Taylor.
This is my client, Mr.
Hung.
Well, Hung looks like you're in trouble.
SAM: Your client have any idea where his buddy Rio went? My client was wrongfully arrested in a case of mistaken identity, kidnapped from his country and brought here against his own will, so, unless he is released immediately, we will be filing a lawsuit against the U.
S.
government and issuing a statement to the press about his illegal extraordinary rendition.
SAM: Your client aided and abetted the escape of a criminal linked to several terrorist organizations.
My client has no criminal record and has done nothing wrong.
And like I said, he was kidnapped TONY: How did you know your client was in L.
A.
? That's privileged information.
We'll subpoena your phone records, find out whoever contacted you prior to Mr.
Hung's arrival.
Then we get your bank statements, trace any records of deposits from offshore accounts, both of which will link you to our missing fugitive.
TONY: Then you become a lawyer in need of a lawyer.
You think your Patriot Act trumps the Sixth Amendment? I think justice trumps terrorism.
Gentlemen, you may enforce the law, but the legal system is my world, so, let's just cut the crap.
You got nothing on my client.
You know it, I know it.
And unless you want the world to know it, we're out of here.
You familiar with the United States versus Ahmed Abdel, Lynne Stewart, and Mohammed Yousry? That's the one where the lawyer gets charged with aiding the terrorists she was defending.
I believe in that case, she served eight years? No, ten.
Ten? I was gonna say "eight"" Actually, I did say "eight"" Overruled.
Can you imagine a whole decade without Pilates, Prada and Botox? SAM: We'll give you some time to sit with that.
(footsteps retreating) All right.
Thanks, Nell.
You didn't take anything to help you sleep on the plane, did you? Of course not.
Didn't think so, but I had to ask.
Your blood work came back, and you tested positive for the sedative Zolpidem.
Twice the normal dosage.
You would have slept through a plane crash.
So that's why they had to wake me up.
I was drugged.
Gave you enough so you'd still be out of it when you landed.
Make you less likely to realize the switch.
Hey, guys? What have you got, Eric? LAX surveillance video shows Rio leaving Tom Bradley terminal.
CALLEN: Anyone meet him there? No, he got on a shuttle van.
What kind of shuttle? Rental car.
He rented a car? Yeah, a red Mustang convertible under the name Michael Long.
Where is he headed? All over.
I think he's sightseeing.
(computer chirps) Where did he go? Maybe he dumped the car.
Hey, Eric, can you remotely switch off the vehicle? No.
GPS tracking is the best I could do.
Fail.
Epic fail.
Wow.
Whatever happened to the signal? Well, Kensi, he probably went into an underground garage.
Do you have an address for us, Mr.
Beale? Best guess is on your phone, Mr.
Deeks.
I'll let you know if he moves.
Find him? Yes, we did.
All right, I'm coming with you.
No.
No, that's not a good idea.
KENSI: I think it's a great idea.
It's a great suit, by the way.
This old thing? Thank you.
I do wish more men would dress like adults.
(Deeks laughs) You know, in L.
A.
, formal attire tends to be black T-shirts and flip-flops.
(Tony laughs) Tom Ford says, "Dressing well is a form of good manners"" I love Tom Ford.
He knows how to a dress woman.
Yeah, but does he know how to undress a woman? Shotgun.
You'd look good in Tom Ford.
Yeah, I wish.
Say it's for an undercover op.
Have you met Hetty? Yeah.
Kind of reminds me of a badger.
You know, you really did look great in that cape and bodice today.
Yeah, that was all Hetty.
Mm, pretty sure some of that was you.
Too much? No! No.
Not at all.
I mean, you know, we of the Ren Faire community strive for a certain historical accuracy we it comes to, uh costume fashion.
So, will you be donning tights? There will be hose.
Excuse me.
Hosiery.
Girdled trousers will be worn.
Mm.
It doesn't get weird at these things, does it? Yeah.
Define weird.
I mean, it's not like a furry convention? Because those things can fly off the rails pretty quickly.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's more just like ale drinking, bawdy bards, juggling, fire magic, jousting, little arch Wait.
You've been to a furry convention? Yeah, I've been to Califur a few times.
What? You know I like cosplay.
Yeah.
Sailor Moon, Lilith, Chun-Li.
Didn't know you had a fursona.
Oh, fursona? Now, that's some pretty specific argot for someone outside the fur fandom community, Sparky.
You don't have a fur suit in your closet I don't know about, do you? Would that be weird or cool if I did? Depends on what it was.
Platypus? Weird.
Narwhal.
Cool.
Aardvark? Weird.
Komodo Dragon.
Very cool.
Musk ox? No.
All right.
So what is your fursona? Fennec Fox.
Nice! Or should I say foxy? (laughs) (clears his throat) Granger Director Assistant He's been talking backwards all morning.
I'm pretty sure it's a software issue.
Where are we? Uh, we're just still trying to locate Rio.
We think we know the area where his car may be.
Kensi and Deeks are headed there now.
With DiNozzo.
Yeah.
Anything else? That's all for now.
Did he just say, "That's all fur now?" No.
Did he? We can't keep her here much longer.
We cut her loose.
Maybe she leads us to Rio.
You really think she's that stupid? Well, she was stupid enough to get involved in the first place, stupid enough to think she could outsmart us.
That's like stupid-squared.
Even if she is, Rio isn't.
He's played this thing pretty well so far.
There's no way he would let her know where he is.
I don't know.
He's riding around L.
A.
in a convertible like a tourist.
Is he? Or is he meeting contacts at places where it's just very easy to blend in? Might've planned this whole thing out.
I doubt he planned on getting arrested in Singapore.
Nobody does.
Yeah? And whose fault was that? (laughs) I still have a scar from that guy, thank you very much.
That wasn't a guy.
Look, don't start with me.
You think a girl could knock me down like that? You were off-balance.
She got a lucky punch.
The guy had a Adam's apple the size of a pomegranate.
Mm-hmm.
Just like those twins in Ratchaburi.
No, no, no.
Now, one of those actually was a woman.
In your dreams.
You-you know who would love that story? Who's that? Deeks would love that story.
You think? Absolutely.
Hmm.
You know what story Deeks would really love? Don't say it.
Tumakuru.
What did I just say to you? Tuma-freaking-kuru, where you fought an entire bar full of midgets.
I got us a ride out of there, didn't I? And those weren't little people-- they were just short.
Every one of them was shorter than Hetty.
If I had a video You had a guy hanging off your ear by his teeth.
Why do you h He was chewing on a piece of beef jerky.
KENSI: Eric, do we have any movement? No.
Car hasn't reappeared, from what I can tell.
Well, all right.
There's a red Mustang.
Rio's nowhere in sight.
Must be up on the street.
All right, let's do this.
You go topside, see if you can spot him.
DiNozzo and I will stay back here in case he comes back.
Yeah, that seems like a terrible plan, because I'm not the person that lost him.
Technically, I didn't lose him either.
Okay, he's not my prisoner-- he's yours.
Okay, don't get your wig in a mess.
I'll go find him.
I'll come with you.
No, I'll go.
I'll go.
Whoa, whoa.
Come here.
What is wrong with you? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Why are you being weird? I'm not being weird.
You're being weird.
I'm the one that's acting normal.
Oh? And what does that look like? It looks like Guys, time's kind of an issue for me here, so can we get a move on? Thanks.
(grunts) (indistinct chatter) Hi.
Hi.
Wow.
Gonna get a murse to match your pantsuit? (chuckles) So you're not a federal agent, huh? No.
LAPD liaison.
What does that mean? I'm pretty sure it's French for "secret weapon"" No, that would be "l'arme secrète"" Oh, wow.
French Canadian.
You obviously have an ear for it.
So, I'm guessing with that shaggy do, you weren't very popular on the police force.
Au contraire, mon ami, I was the king of the constabulary ball.
(chuckles) So what was it? Internal Affairs investigation land you here? Drugs? I'm guessing you were a coke monkey.
Not a coke monkey, per Se.
Deeks, I only say this to you because I care.
It's dangerous for you to cook the meth in your trailer.
The gases.
You know that you can, uh, O.
D.
on teeth whiteners? (laughs) Hetty recruited me.
From a folk band? KENSI: Girls, you are both pretty.
Although one of you clearly has better fashion sense.
Not to mention grooming.
Mmm.
Listen.
(clears throat) It's actually called, uh, surf chic.
TONY: I believed it's pronounced "surf chick.
" Ladies, heads up and shut up.
Rio just came back from what looks like a shopping spree.
Federal agent.
Stop.
Rio, put the bags down.
Put your hands behind your head.
My name is Sarawut.
Sarawut Saosong.
I think you have me confused for somebody else.
You wish.
Don't even think about it.
Get down on your knees.
(groaning) Ooh.
Bang, bang, sexy time.
(groans) Shut up and cross your feet.
(moaning) You okay? My chest.
(moans) I'm having a heart attack.
Call 911.
(gunshots) Deeks! (gunshots) DEEKS: Freeze! Stop the car! (tires screeching) Where's Rio? I'm guessing he had the good sense to run away when the bullets started.
Who were those guys? I just got here.
This is your town.
Is it an iguana? It's an armadillo.
Can you get your finger out of my origami? This is your desk.
Sorry.
That Rio's stuff? Yes, indeed.
Wow, maybe he really was here on vacation.
KENSI: Hmm.
Did you find him? Not yet.
But we did identify the shooter that you apprehended.
His name is Philipe Del La Haye of Jersey.
Mob connections? Not New Jersey.
Jersey Jersey, off the coast of Normandy.
Oh.
Old Jersey.
Officially called the Bailiwick of Jersey.
DEEKS: Bailiwick? You sure it's not a donnybrook? Might be more of a mollycoddle.
Don't encourage him.
ERIC: Jersey's part of the Channel Islands between England and France, but it's a self-governing democracy with its own financial and legal systems.
That's interesting.
'Cause I never found the Jersey Boys that dangerous when they were singing and dancing.
Maybe they're working for Pippin now.
Ooh.
I thought you were better than that.
What does this guy want with Rio? We're not sure.
He works for a local trust company.
But here's the interesting part.
So, every year, the Bureau of International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs rates the money laundering operations around the world.
Jersey just so happens to be one of the places of primary concern.
And it's one of the leading offshore banking centers.
Rio is the mack daddy of money laundering.
"Mack daddy.
" Really? That means every criminal he's ever worked with will be willing to kill him to prevent their assets from being seized.
We got to find this guy.
If the Bailiwick of Jersey knows he's here, odds are others do as well.
Hey, guys? Check this out.
Hydrocodone.
Ondansetron.
That's used for nausea and vomiting.
Arnica, bromelain, moisturizer.
Arnica's used for bruises.
Bromelain's an anti-inflammatory.
It's a post-op kit for cosmetic surgery.
Of course! Michael Long.
That's right.
Detective Lieutenant Michael Arthur Long.
He was shot in the face.
He was rescued by billionaire Wilton Knight and was the primary field agent for the Foundation of Law and Government.
FLAG.
FLAG.
SAM: What? What are you two talking about? NELL: Knight Rider, starring David Hasselhoff.
The Hoff.
Don't you dare hassle him.
NELL: '80s TV show with a talking car.
A.
K.
A.
KITT.
And the Knight Industries Two Thousand was a little more than a talking car.
Oh, yeah.
Do you ever get the feeling we're working alone here? Every single day.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Do not loop Nell and me in this geek squad.
Thank you.
TONY: After he was shot, Michael Arthur was in need of cosmetic surgery.
New face, new identity.
And I think that's what Rio is doing.
Well, there's no better place to get a new face than Hollywood.
No identification on this kit, but if it was in the shopping bags, obviously he got it at the same time.
Chances are his surgeon is located in the same area.
That narrows it down to about 1,000.
Okay, we'll start with the places that are closest to the parking garage, then extend from there.
He'll probably need a place to recover for a couple of weeks, so places close enough for post-op visits.
Right.
We'll start sorting through the hotels, try to find someone checking in today for approximately two weeks.
KENSI (chuckling): Oh.
You got to be kidding me.
TONY: Bam! Did I call that or what? Hey.
Any luck? No.
You? We saw Alec Baldwin.
Oh.
No, no.
That was just a mirror.
Who's next? Why don't I take Bedford.
And, uh, you take Roxbury.
Maybe get a quote on doing something with Deeks' face.
Yeah? That was aggressive.
Okay.
Shall we? It's never gonna work, you know.
Why not? Trust me, I've been there.
Oh, you mean plastic surgery? God, I knew it.
'Cause of that Ken doll chin.
You and Blye.
What, our partnership? The other ship.
What other ship? You know what ship.
I don't know what ship you're talking about.
Your relationship.
Oh, you're shipping us? 'Cause you need to stop right now before you (sighs) embarrass yourself.
Okay.
How can you possibly do undercover work and be this bad a liar? You couldn't infiltrate community dinner theater.
You do a lot of undercover work, do you? A ton.
I do a ton.
As a Sears model, circa 1970? Who hurt you? (door opens) How can I help you gentlemen? Is this a patient of yours? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to tell you the same thing my colleagues downstairs just did.
Unfortunately, saying anything at all would not only be a breach of my patients' confidentiality but also is a serious HIPAA violation.
CALLEN: No, we understand, but this is an extraordinary situation.
The man in that photo is a criminal with terrorist ties.
Now that you know that, if he is a patient of yours, and you go ahead and have surgery and alter his appearance, then you will be guilty of aiding and abetting a fugitive.
Not good for business.
A jailhouse surgeon has a, uh very different clientele.
Would you excuse me for just one moment? Mm-hmm.
(door opens) What do you think? I think he's our guy, and right now he's back there calling his lawyer for advice.
I think you're right.
Would you ever consider getting a little work done, you know, when the time comes? Nah.
No need.
Black don't crack.
Oh.
Why is that? Superior genetics, baby.
(laughs) I mean, that and a clean lifestyle.
Yeah.
I treat my body like a precision race car.
Keep it shiny and new forever.
You treat yours like a garbage truck.
Well, what if your, uh, what if your race car body, what if it lives forever but your brain dies? I mean what do you do then? Mm.
Who's gonna take care of the hulk? Well, it damn sure won't be you, 'cause you'll be long dead living like you do.
Uh-huh.
He told me his name was Mr.
Reyes from Manila.
He's staying at the Sofitel.
Is that Oh.
We're just using that as a guideline.
Well, if he's in there he's not answering his phone.
Sam and I are gonna check his room.
All right, DiNozzo and I will work the rest of the hotel.
SAM: Guess that leaves you to keep an eye out in case he does more shopping.
Deeks.
Yeah? No, definitely, I should stay out here with the harmful UV rays-- you guys go inside.
Enjoy that air-conditioning.
TONY: You ever consider working in Washington? Oh, no.
Too cold.
You ever consider working in L.
A.
? I hadn't.
Maybe it's time for (phone ringing) a change of scenery.
Yeah, those are rentals.
(chuckles) (ringing continues) Are you gonna get that? Uh it can wait.
What if it's important? It's probably not.
So look.
(ringing continues) I can't.
What if it's your boss? Well, then he would be in a state of quantum superposition like Schrodinger's cat, and as long as I don't Ooh.
Please don't.
Gibbs? Yeah.
Due to technical difficulties, the customer you are trying to reach cannot receive messages at this time.
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(imitates electronic voice): A-19.
You're so very welcome.
You just killed me and my cat.
Housekeeping! (beep) (high-pitched gasping) It's over, Rio.
My name is Jesse Reyes! Yeah? And I'm Molly Ringwald! (rattling door) Open the door, Rio.
That's not my name! Well, it's one of 'em.
I'll give you each fifty thousand dollars! We're federal agents! Okay, how about, uh, a hundred thousand dollars each? Open the door! I have a gun.
No, you don't.
(gasps) We have to break down this door, we might hurt you.
If I have to break down the door, I'm gonna hurt you.
Come out of there! (grunting) (grunting, yelling) I'm having a heart attack! (grunts) Huh.
That's your second one today.
(exhales) (camera shutter clicking) (gasps) Godzilla! Move.
I need to get dressed.
It's too late.
Move.
Move.
(groans) Get out there.
I'm seeking refugee status.
If you send me back to North Korea, I will be executed.
Oh, you're North Korean now? All right, all right! Enough games! All right, the real truth is this-- my name is Jeff Carol and I'm in the CIA.
If you guys don't leave right now, you're gonna blow my cover.
I suggest you get out of here right now.
(gasps) All right! I'm small, bro! You're big! DEEKS: Guys, you may have some unwanted guests.
MAN: Take that for you? DEEKS: And one of them look like the shooter from the garage.
(over radio): Kenz, check out the three guys that are just entering the hotel now.
I got 'em.
They look like your friends from Jersey? This isn't good.
What's not good? KENSI: We got 'em but there aren't three, there are five.
Sam and Callen, get out of there now.
Guys, we got too many civilians out here.
You need to get them out quietly.
It's clear.
Let's take the stairs.
(panting): I need a gun.
You need to shut up.
Do you work out a lot? I'm thinking about joining a gym.
My mom says I'm shaped like a scallop.
You'll have plenty of time to work out in prison.
Prison? What do you mean? I'm a secret weapon in your War on Terror.
Seriously, you need to stop talking.
I really like you guys-- we should hang out after this.
Oh, my God! SAM: Gun! (gunfire) CALLEN: Rio's on the run.
He's like a little jackrabbit.
(panting, whimpering) (high-pitched): Move! (panting, whimpering) (grunts) (Rio whimpering) Huh.
Nice bathrobe, Rio.
Stop.
Hey! Stop! Stop! Federal Oh! KENSI: Guys, we lost Rio.
Hey, go.
I got this.
You sure? I'm not as fast as you think I am.
Then start running now! KENSI: Deeks, another shooter making a break for it.
Damn it.
(panting, whimpering) (gasping): Ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah Oh! (frantic groaning) (bullets ricocheting) Aah! Help! I'm being attacked by a homeless man! I got him! CALLEN: Don't let him escape.
SAM: And don't let him get killed.
DEEKS: How about one out of two? Does everyone in America own a gun or something? Stay down! (whimpers) You know what? I had enough of this.
Cover me.
(gasping) I can use some help here.
(grunts) Miss me? Yeah.
Can you do me a favor, stand up, tell me how many guys there are? I don't have to-- there are at least two.
Two? Please don't let them kill me.
Shut up! What is that thing you do? What? With your hair-- it's, like, a nervous tick or something.
What are you talking about? I can't see-- I got hair in my eyes.
Get a haircut! He's right.
You should go to Supercuts.
You need to get some layers.
Shut up! Shut up! Okay.
One, two, three! (gunfire continues) (grunts) SAM: Federal agents! Drop it, now! CALLEN: Go.
Drop the weapon! On your knees.
Get down on the ground, facedown! Facedown! I think I just peed.
Well, that was fun.
Just another day in L.
A.
, baby.
If you're gonna get shot it, you might as well do it in the sunshine.
You guys are like having my own A-Team.
Hannibal, Murdock, Face Say it and I'll shoot you in the face.
(deep voice): I pity the fool! (giggles) KENSI: Hey.
Ah, bang, bang, sexy time.
(laughs) Put a sock in it.
You guys okay? We're solid.
RIO: Could I say something? No! Shut up! I'm gonna say it anyway, because I live in America.
I'll give you guys a half a million apiece if you guys would still let me go, okay? I'm just throwing it out there.
It's over, Knight Rider.
RIO (grunting): I'm having a heart attack! Call 911! Well, I'm not gonna lie-- we came, we saw, we captured.
GRANGER: And you practically destroyed the hotel.
No civilian casualties.
You're lucky.
So where's Rio? Prisoner transport van.
We're going to escort them back to the gate.
Ah, that's nice, but not really necessary.
We're going to escort you back to the gate.
They're going to escort us back to the gate.
Good.
Thank you for your help.
Our pleasure.
Wouldn't go that far.
Give me a hug.
Come back to us anytime you get tired of Washington.
I just might do that.
Deeks.
Oh, nice.
Well played.
HETTY (clears throat): Mr.
DiNozzo, before you go, you had a call from Gibbs.
Oh.
HETTY: Apparently, he's been having difficulty reaching you.
(chuckles): Yeah.
Well, we 'cause we, uh, there was a gun battle, and, um What did he say? He said I should give you a message.
Ah.
Okay.
Come.
KENSI: Oh! DEEKS: Ow.
Ooh.
That's from Gibbs.
HETTY: Now get out of my town.