Adventure Time with Finn & Jake s07e06 Episode Script
Stakes Part 1: Marceline the Vampire Queen
[Owl hoots.]
[Screeches.]
Adventure Time Come on, grab your friends We're going to a very distant land With Finn and Jake and Marceline and Princess Bubblegum It's Adventure Time Come on, Marci.
It'll only hurt for a second.
That's nothing in the face of eternity.
[Sizzling.]
[Screams.]
A second hurts really bad in the face of eternity.
But only for a moment.
[Screams.]
[Screams.]
[Screams.]
Wait.
I have an even better idea.
Sunscreen SPF 10 Million.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm! I have exactly enough to reach my umbrella.
[Wind howls.]
[Laughs.]
Ha! [Laughing.]
[Humming.]
You really like chopping wood, huh? I'm not chopping wood.
I made a toothpick from the ancient elm.
See? Uh, knock, knock.
What the dip, Marceline? Sorry.
It was supposed to be a joke.
Actually, I have something really serious to ask.
I want you to do the procedure, the one we talked about.
I'm sorry, but I don't think you'd make a good blonde.
No, not that.
I don't want to be a vampire anymore.
[Gasps.]
Oh, my globness.
You said you were working on a cure, right? [Sighs.]
Well, the machine is built and the serums are ready, but are you sure you want to do this? I'm sure.
Some bad things happened to me when I was little.
When I became a vampire, I was just a messed-up kid.
Now it's 1,000 years later, and I'm still messed up.
I don't want to spend eternity like this, with this emptiness.
I want to grow up.
Okay.
Let's do this.
Bubblegum: This means someday you'll die.
You know that, right? [Gulps.]
I guess that will be my last adventure.
Marceline I'm so very, very, very excited to test my new lab out on you.
Well, don't get all sentimental on me.
Come on over here.
You know I care about you.
I think you're making the right choice.
Your natural life spend is going to be richier and fuller than you can imagine.
And someday, when you die, I'll be the one who puts you in the ground.
But, you know, this operation might not even work.
Whooooooooa! This tickles really bad! [Groans.]
Did it work? Well, I sucked all your vampire effluvium into this bucked.
Possibly we won't know the results for a couple of days.
In the meantime, you need to get plenty of rest.
I'll check your vitals in the morning.
Thanks, P.
Brains.
[Snoring.]
[Heart thumping.]
[Cow moos.]
No! [Pop!.]
[Screaming.]
Huh? It's breakfast time for my sweet babies.
[Gasps.]
Sweet babies! Operator! Put me through to Finn and Jake.
It's an emergency.
Victim's lost a lot of blood.
Clean entry wounds.
It's an expert job.
Poor miss baby.
She used to be my best cream cow.
But now her milk is nonfat.
And nanette, my beautiful calf is decaf! That's terrible! Every farm in our village was attacked.
Not a goat or a cow or a duck left un-sucked.
Well, I've heard enough.
Come on, Finn.
Let's go arrest Marceline.
[All cheering.]
Wait a minute.
We don't even know if Marceline did this.
That's right.
I forgot about Ooo's extensive vampire community.
[Imitates buzzer.]
Come on! Yeah, but we need to conduct a proper investigation.
I know that.
Ain't no rookie.
All right, come on.
I'll let you be bad cop.
I'm already bad cop.
Okay, let's not pay seeds.
Me and my partner will "interrogate" the suspect police-style.
Meanwhile, you sharpen up your pitchforks mob-style.
Yeah! Hey, man, that's not right.
Marceline's our friend.
Physical contact! Officer resisting arrest! - Boom! - Ow! [All cheering.]
Ohh, woof.
Marceline want to go ny-ny.
Don't go ny-ny, Marci.
I'm worried.
For real? Why? Well, the process was experimental.
Like, are there side effects? What happened in your sleep last night? Nobody on record has ever cured vampirism, unless you count killing vampires as curing.
In that case, you've cured tons, right? "Tons" is an understatement.
That Shnoz was nasty, nasty times.
[Knock on door.]
Hey, cover up.
The sun's hitting the door.
I'm still undead? We don't know yet.
So just chill.
Oh, hey, guys.
How you doing? Jake did excessive force on me.
I'm sorry.
[Smooches.]
- Let me kiss it! [Smooching.]
- [Laughs.]
Ew! Ew! Hurry up.
Get in here.
You done it this time, Marceline.
You sucked the life out of defenseless animals! I ain't done nothing.
You think I'm buying that boom-boom mountain? Oh, get some proof.
You want proof? Look.
- [Crash!.]
- Whoa! Proof of how off I'm gonna go if you don't confess.
Yo, chill, Jake.
I'm wilin' out! Listen, Marci, I can barely control this guy, and the villagers are getting crazy.
They want to run you over with a wagon, and I'm offering you a way out.
Hey, dillweeds, I just swept the place.
Sorry.
Finn, be real for a second.
All right.
Look into my eyes, man.
I didn't do it.
To be honest, it looks like you're not sure if you did it.
Okay, I'm not sure! Something weird happened last night.
I had a weird dream about stuff.
Dream stuff always means something.
We'll figure this out, Marci, together.
- We promise.
- Thanks, Finn.
That's cool, you guys, but clean this mess, also, you bums.
He's a gob-gleebin' vampire hugger! We got to tell the town! Book it, Terry! Run, Terry! Run! How long do we have to stay in the laundry house, cloud dance? Until Finn and Jake avert the threat.
We can't afford to lose more livestock.
We're struggling as is to keep our kids fed.
Let's just stay in here until the dirty vampire gets what's coming to her.
But I want to bop her in the nose! Hey, now, it's too dangerous, okay? A small town, we gotta stay close.
Each of us play a vital role, and I can't afford losing any of you.
Not you, Clubhouse Sandy, or you, Seed Man, or even you, Sandwich Paul.
Sensei Paul.
Let's leave the fighting to the fighters, okay, Paul? That hurts.
You don't know I teach aikido.
Finn's been turned! Wha?! He does the vampire's bidding.
Well, there it is.
Tonight we burn the beast Marceline.
[All cheering, mooing.]
Woof.
I can barely stand up.
Look at this.
It's my new dance.
It's called "I got arthritis.
" Ohh.
The end.
You should have hung back with P.
B.
But I've got a bad feeling like you guys are gonna die without me.
Dang, Marci.
Have some faith.
Geez.
Guys, look.
Moo! [Hissing.]
[Screams.]
Get it! [Both screaming.]
You see it? No.
But what's that? Must be its filthy lair.
- [Whimpers.]
- What's wrong? Remember how I said my fear of vampires - was based on ignorance? - Yeah.
Well, I think that revelation was actually based on true ignorance.
So you're scared of vampires again? Yeah, man, don't be ignorant.
Come on.
Okay, but I'm gonna hold on to your shirt.
Look at these poor babies.
What's happening to them? Y-y-you tell me, m-man.
Moo.
I think they're in the process of being turned, eh? Ugh, glob.
Something big just dropped in my gut.
Hang in there, bro.
I can't be here, man.
It's too real.
Wait, you hear that? Listen.
[Sucking.]
There! [Groans.]
A little help.
[Screaming.]
Jake! [Grumbling.]
Hey, get back here! [Panting.]
Dang! Lost him! Marci? Hey, Marci, you still out here? She's still out here, all right.
Oh, hey, man.
Did you see a scary beast go by? I chased it out here, but it got away.
Oh, we found that beast, and we took care of her real nice You vampire hugger! Wait, what? Lookum yonder.
What the blood? [All chanting "vamp".]
[Groans.]
You dumb bumbags! [Gasps.]
Now look at the other yonder.
Huh? Oh, fudge! You're sick, man! What's wrong with you? What? I'm the good guy here.
You're gonna explode my friend.
All: Blow her up! Blow her up! Oh, flip, you're right.
This is way messed up.
Run, Finn! You got to beat the sun! [Screams.]
Go, Finn! Go! Aaaaaaah! Marceline, nooooo! Don't let anyone read my diaries.
Burn them, Finn! They're embarrassi [screaming.]
[Screeches.]
Adventure Time Come on, grab your friends We're going to a very distant land With Finn and Jake and Marceline and Princess Bubblegum It's Adventure Time Come on, Marci.
It'll only hurt for a second.
That's nothing in the face of eternity.
[Sizzling.]
[Screams.]
A second hurts really bad in the face of eternity.
But only for a moment.
[Screams.]
[Screams.]
[Screams.]
Wait.
I have an even better idea.
Sunscreen SPF 10 Million.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm! I have exactly enough to reach my umbrella.
[Wind howls.]
[Laughs.]
Ha! [Laughing.]
[Humming.]
You really like chopping wood, huh? I'm not chopping wood.
I made a toothpick from the ancient elm.
See? Uh, knock, knock.
What the dip, Marceline? Sorry.
It was supposed to be a joke.
Actually, I have something really serious to ask.
I want you to do the procedure, the one we talked about.
I'm sorry, but I don't think you'd make a good blonde.
No, not that.
I don't want to be a vampire anymore.
[Gasps.]
Oh, my globness.
You said you were working on a cure, right? [Sighs.]
Well, the machine is built and the serums are ready, but are you sure you want to do this? I'm sure.
Some bad things happened to me when I was little.
When I became a vampire, I was just a messed-up kid.
Now it's 1,000 years later, and I'm still messed up.
I don't want to spend eternity like this, with this emptiness.
I want to grow up.
Okay.
Let's do this.
Bubblegum: This means someday you'll die.
You know that, right? [Gulps.]
I guess that will be my last adventure.
Marceline I'm so very, very, very excited to test my new lab out on you.
Well, don't get all sentimental on me.
Come on over here.
You know I care about you.
I think you're making the right choice.
Your natural life spend is going to be richier and fuller than you can imagine.
And someday, when you die, I'll be the one who puts you in the ground.
But, you know, this operation might not even work.
Whooooooooa! This tickles really bad! [Groans.]
Did it work? Well, I sucked all your vampire effluvium into this bucked.
Possibly we won't know the results for a couple of days.
In the meantime, you need to get plenty of rest.
I'll check your vitals in the morning.
Thanks, P.
Brains.
[Snoring.]
[Heart thumping.]
[Cow moos.]
No! [Pop!.]
[Screaming.]
Huh? It's breakfast time for my sweet babies.
[Gasps.]
Sweet babies! Operator! Put me through to Finn and Jake.
It's an emergency.
Victim's lost a lot of blood.
Clean entry wounds.
It's an expert job.
Poor miss baby.
She used to be my best cream cow.
But now her milk is nonfat.
And nanette, my beautiful calf is decaf! That's terrible! Every farm in our village was attacked.
Not a goat or a cow or a duck left un-sucked.
Well, I've heard enough.
Come on, Finn.
Let's go arrest Marceline.
[All cheering.]
Wait a minute.
We don't even know if Marceline did this.
That's right.
I forgot about Ooo's extensive vampire community.
[Imitates buzzer.]
Come on! Yeah, but we need to conduct a proper investigation.
I know that.
Ain't no rookie.
All right, come on.
I'll let you be bad cop.
I'm already bad cop.
Okay, let's not pay seeds.
Me and my partner will "interrogate" the suspect police-style.
Meanwhile, you sharpen up your pitchforks mob-style.
Yeah! Hey, man, that's not right.
Marceline's our friend.
Physical contact! Officer resisting arrest! - Boom! - Ow! [All cheering.]
Ohh, woof.
Marceline want to go ny-ny.
Don't go ny-ny, Marci.
I'm worried.
For real? Why? Well, the process was experimental.
Like, are there side effects? What happened in your sleep last night? Nobody on record has ever cured vampirism, unless you count killing vampires as curing.
In that case, you've cured tons, right? "Tons" is an understatement.
That Shnoz was nasty, nasty times.
[Knock on door.]
Hey, cover up.
The sun's hitting the door.
I'm still undead? We don't know yet.
So just chill.
Oh, hey, guys.
How you doing? Jake did excessive force on me.
I'm sorry.
[Smooches.]
- Let me kiss it! [Smooching.]
- [Laughs.]
Ew! Ew! Hurry up.
Get in here.
You done it this time, Marceline.
You sucked the life out of defenseless animals! I ain't done nothing.
You think I'm buying that boom-boom mountain? Oh, get some proof.
You want proof? Look.
- [Crash!.]
- Whoa! Proof of how off I'm gonna go if you don't confess.
Yo, chill, Jake.
I'm wilin' out! Listen, Marci, I can barely control this guy, and the villagers are getting crazy.
They want to run you over with a wagon, and I'm offering you a way out.
Hey, dillweeds, I just swept the place.
Sorry.
Finn, be real for a second.
All right.
Look into my eyes, man.
I didn't do it.
To be honest, it looks like you're not sure if you did it.
Okay, I'm not sure! Something weird happened last night.
I had a weird dream about stuff.
Dream stuff always means something.
We'll figure this out, Marci, together.
- We promise.
- Thanks, Finn.
That's cool, you guys, but clean this mess, also, you bums.
He's a gob-gleebin' vampire hugger! We got to tell the town! Book it, Terry! Run, Terry! Run! How long do we have to stay in the laundry house, cloud dance? Until Finn and Jake avert the threat.
We can't afford to lose more livestock.
We're struggling as is to keep our kids fed.
Let's just stay in here until the dirty vampire gets what's coming to her.
But I want to bop her in the nose! Hey, now, it's too dangerous, okay? A small town, we gotta stay close.
Each of us play a vital role, and I can't afford losing any of you.
Not you, Clubhouse Sandy, or you, Seed Man, or even you, Sandwich Paul.
Sensei Paul.
Let's leave the fighting to the fighters, okay, Paul? That hurts.
You don't know I teach aikido.
Finn's been turned! Wha?! He does the vampire's bidding.
Well, there it is.
Tonight we burn the beast Marceline.
[All cheering, mooing.]
Woof.
I can barely stand up.
Look at this.
It's my new dance.
It's called "I got arthritis.
" Ohh.
The end.
You should have hung back with P.
B.
But I've got a bad feeling like you guys are gonna die without me.
Dang, Marci.
Have some faith.
Geez.
Guys, look.
Moo! [Hissing.]
[Screams.]
Get it! [Both screaming.]
You see it? No.
But what's that? Must be its filthy lair.
- [Whimpers.]
- What's wrong? Remember how I said my fear of vampires - was based on ignorance? - Yeah.
Well, I think that revelation was actually based on true ignorance.
So you're scared of vampires again? Yeah, man, don't be ignorant.
Come on.
Okay, but I'm gonna hold on to your shirt.
Look at these poor babies.
What's happening to them? Y-y-you tell me, m-man.
Moo.
I think they're in the process of being turned, eh? Ugh, glob.
Something big just dropped in my gut.
Hang in there, bro.
I can't be here, man.
It's too real.
Wait, you hear that? Listen.
[Sucking.]
There! [Groans.]
A little help.
[Screaming.]
Jake! [Grumbling.]
Hey, get back here! [Panting.]
Dang! Lost him! Marci? Hey, Marci, you still out here? She's still out here, all right.
Oh, hey, man.
Did you see a scary beast go by? I chased it out here, but it got away.
Oh, we found that beast, and we took care of her real nice You vampire hugger! Wait, what? Lookum yonder.
What the blood? [All chanting "vamp".]
[Groans.]
You dumb bumbags! [Gasps.]
Now look at the other yonder.
Huh? Oh, fudge! You're sick, man! What's wrong with you? What? I'm the good guy here.
You're gonna explode my friend.
All: Blow her up! Blow her up! Oh, flip, you're right.
This is way messed up.
Run, Finn! You got to beat the sun! [Screams.]
Go, Finn! Go! Aaaaaaah! Marceline, nooooo! Don't let anyone read my diaries.
Burn them, Finn! They're embarrassi [screaming.]