Offspring (2010) s07e06 Episode Script
Season 7, Episode 6
1 Martin Clegg will not be returning to St Francis.
You fired him.
You made it a test that I had to pass to prove that I loved you.
Yeah, well, you failed.
And now you look at me like I'm a failure! You are a failure.
All right, I can't take it! We had almost-sex.
Wha? Earlier today, I learned well, guessed, that Jimmy and Kerry had sex.
No! Nina? So nice to finally meet you, Georgie.
I think the company has a serious top-down problem.
- It starts with you! - Harry.
You're a menace to the people who've given their lives to work for you.
You're what's technically known as a bully.
(BABY VOICE) I'm not gonna breathe unt He's gone.
Fundamental to building a sex wall is making sure I don't leave behind a string of broken hearts.
So I sex them, then pre-emptively pretend to be overly in love with them in a needy, bordering-on-obsessive way.
(CHUCKLES) Can I see you again? Why? I don't know.
I think I like you, or something.
Where's your phone? I have a printout of some of the sexual stuff that you and Martin have been writing.
Be warned it's pretty steamy.
Oh.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) I've run through the night to warn you the bushfire's coming.
I'm not going anywhere! This property's been in my family for generations! Then I'll stay too.
But I don't want your property.
All I want is you, Nina.
- (SWEEPING MUSIC) - Oh! What do you think you're doing? - (BOTH PANT) - This isn't you and Harry.
This is me and my husband.
What? I wrote this.
Oh, it's good.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Where were we? (NEEDLE SCRATCHES ON RECORD) (SIGHS) (TYPES) Do you have much left to do? I could finish it tomorrow.
(DOOR CLOSES) Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why won't you sing? Bring your hips to me, oh, bring your hips Oh, oh, bring your hips to me To me Oh, bring your hips to me, oh, bring your hips Oh, oh, bring your hips to me To me To me Oh, why, oh, why Oh, why won't you sing? Offspring 6x07 August 03, 2017 (BOTH PANT) (PANTS) So, that was unprotected sex.
I noticed that too.
I mean, I I was thinking the same thing.
But it didn't feel like one of the biggest decisions of our lives.
No.
It just felt like we were caught up in the moment and .
.
we didn't have condoms.
I thought there was one left in the box.
You okay? Yes.
That was wonderful.
NINA: Did we just skip that whole topic? BILLIE: Are you gonna have a baby with Harry? Um To be honest, I didn't want to have that conversation so early in the relationship.
Mmm.
And of course every kid in our family under 10 was conceived accidentally.
That one.
That one.
Your one.
How does the idea of a you-and-Harry baby sit? I don't even know if Harry wants children.
Yeah, what do you want? The hospital have started their search for a new head of obstetrics and I'm thinking of applying.
Relevance? Well, I can't have a baby and go for the job.
- Don't do that, Neens.
- What? Don't put a glass ceiling over your own head.
Been killing myself, trying to do everything for the past three months, and imagine having another child.
Well, you wouldn't be on-call.
There's a reason why Martin Clegg had no life.
Mm.
Take these.
Use them.
- What?! Billie! - My wall is on hiatus.
You done? My turn.
No, no, sorry, it's my turn.
I broke protocol with the last brick in my sex wall.
Ask me how.
- (SIGHS) - How? I gave him my number.
Billie, you just click-baited us into this story, you better deliver something.
Dan, that's the brick, is very nice, but I'm not in the market right now, so to get rid of him, I need to lean into the situation.
Lean in? - I'm gonna out-woo the wooer.
- Just block his number.
That's gonna make him want me more.
Trust me, you don't listen to my advice, I don't listen to yours.
I do listen, though.
Really? You talked me around.
Kerry and I have to come clean about what happened.
I just haven't figured out how to do it.
NINA: Come on, Nina, it's the sensible thing to do.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - Keep walking! - Ooh! What's going on? (GASPS) I read the manuscript.
- Oh, racy, huh? - Yes.
This is not about that.
I'm gonna tell you something and I don't want you to react.
I need you to do an ultrasound.
Oh, is it on the schedule? No.
(WHISPERS) No, this one's off the books.
- Come in, Mama Goose, coast is clear.
- Who's Mama Goose? Jess! She's pregnant.
- Is she really pregnant?! - Don't make me slap you, yes! She's downstairs, this is her only window.
Cherie's not on till this afternoon.
- Zara! - Nina.
What are you doing here? Just finished my night shift, heading home.
- What are you guys doing? - Oh You both have faces.
(CHUCKLES) We're just discussing an ultrasound.
- Yes.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - (GASPS) - Why are you so jumpy? We're not.
- Cherie! - What's going on? Oh, some flimsy story about an ultrasound.
Why are you all hanging around the lift? We're just gossiping.
- Mm.
- Really? What's the goss? Well, Nina was just telling me (WHISPERS) That thing, the thing that you were just telling me.
Oh.
I Oh, it's just I've had unprotected sex.
(SNORTS) - Wow.
- What? Who with? Harry! So you're gonna have a baby? Oh, no, no.
No, it was a one-off.
It was a mistake.
(SIGHS) A really enjoyable, unexpected mistake.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) I'm gonna go, but whatever chicanery is going on here And look, I don't know what it is, but I can smell it.
What are you doing here?! I'm here to see Nina.
Have you got time for a quick chat? - No.
- Yes! - It'll just take a second.
- What's it about? It's about hearing what Nina thought about my manuscript.
- Oh! - You know the one that you stole from my computer and gave to, like, everyone in this whole hospital? (LAUGHS) The thing that you need to know about that is - Go.
- What? Now! Go, now! Cherie, what's going on? (GASPS) I did read the manuscript.
- Yeah? - Yep.
- Hot, right? - Yes! Okay, um, this isn't about that.
That was a lie.
What?! So You know how Martin and I have spent the last few months exploring the perks of high-speed internet connection? We've tried phone sex, Skype sex, Snapchat Yep.
There are some interesting things you can do with those filters.
- Oh, yes.
- It's been fun but when Martin found out about his job, we had a moment of weakness, he snuck back to get his things And the sex, we hit a new place, it was like - (BLOWS AGGRESSIVELY) - (BLOWS AGGRESSIVELY) You get me? I think it hit the bullseye.
You think you're pregnant? I know it's too early to pee on a stick but is there any chance that you could do a blood test? Meet me back here in five minutes.
Hi.
Sorry, got caught up.
Ha! - How are you doing, Jess? - Yep.
Yeah, it's all right.
We'll have a look.
See how things are going.
Do you know roughly how far along you are? We think eight eight weeks.
Well, let's get this beast fired up.
I've just gotta go and see another patient and I'll be back with you.
- Right now? - Yep.
Won't be long.
I'm trying to help.
Right, we have to hurry.
Have you thought about what you're gonna do if you are pregnant? Oh, wait nine months until a baby pops out.
No.
I mean You're here, Martin's in the bush.
To be honest, I hadn't planned on having any more children.
I always thought Ray was my one and only.
Yeah.
You know, but there's a voice inside the day will come when I can't have another one.
Will I wish that I did? We're done.
I'll get this tested and now I've just gotta Yeah, no, you go.
- Nina? - Yes, what? - What's going on in here? - Just talking.
Nothing.
Talking.
What's with the blood? Oh, this is (EXHALES) - Anyway, Emma wants to see you.
- About what? Don't know.
But right now she's in your office.
Hup, okay.
Whoa.
Okay.
Okay.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Hey.
I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.
Well, I sort of was.
There's not really anything to talk about.
What? Except the secret's already out.
Billie knows, Nina knows and Will wants to get back together with you.
Does he? We need to meet up, today, figure out how to get a handle on this.
Where? We'll meet somewhere we have no chance of running into anyone we know.
(SCOFFS) Which means no dog parks.
- Or war offices.
- Or lesbian bars.
Hang on, I got it.
I know exactly where we need to meet.
Nina, hi.
Hi.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Anything's happened? As you probably know, we've been keeping a very close eye on your ward after well, everything.
Oh.
Is it? What is it? It's probably best I just show you what we're dealing with here.
(EXHALES) (GASPS) Oh.
When was this? About a week ago.
About the same time Dr Clegg was let go.
Do you know anything about this? - Yep.
- You knew? I just found out.
That Martin Clegg travelled back to St Francis with the express purpose of copulating with one of our midwives? - Why? - Well Knowing them both, pretty well, I'd say - they just wanted a quickie.
- A quickie? Well, clearly a (EXHALES) quickie that he wanted us all to know about.
Now, this speaks to discipline.
- Now - (YELLS) I will speak to everybody! This is a one-off and it will never happen again.
No more sex in cupboards! - Thought I'd say hi.
- Hi.
Um making a deposit.
- Oof.
- Just need to find a free room.
Mm, this one's busy.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, that's fine.
DAN: Hello? Hello, it's me.
Billie.
I'm so glad you called me back.
I haven't stopped thinking about you since the other night.
I'm not surprised.
When can I see you again? How about tomorrow night? (CHUCKLES) It's a long time to wait.
Any chance you're free tonight? Or I could do lunch.
I could meet you in half an hour.
- 15 minutes.
- I could meet you now.
Really? Where are you? Archie's.
At a table for two.
I'll be right there.
All righty, then, let's get started.
We didn't expect it to happen this fast.
We only just started trying.
Mm.
Lucky you.
Okay.
- We ready? - Mm-hm.
- Bit cold.
- (CHUCKLES) Just checking the situation with Will.
Yeah, he's the dad.
We just wanted to get to 12 weeks before we told him.
He's right now, upstairs producing sperm for you.
Yeah, that's just for shits and giggles.
(HEART BEATS) (LAUGHS) Looks like you have a healthy baby on the way.
NINA: You remember this the joy.
We'll tell Will.
And Clegg.
We just we wanna make sure it's properly stuck before we turn everyone's lives upside down.
Yeah, of course.
Do you know what you want? - World peace.
- Me too.
Anything from the menu, though? - Flat white, please.
- Same for me, thanks.
So you took the day off, just so we could get to know each other.
It's not that big a deal.
My boss just broke up with my brother and then she slept with my other brother, so she kind of owes me right now.
- (LAUGHS) Sounds complicated.
- It is.
So do you have a job that you should be doing right now? I solve crimes that haven't happened yet with the help of a cybernetic dog.
- We have so much in common.
- We do.
- You have amazing eyes.
- You have an amazing face.
- I could stare at you all day.
- I hope you do.
You know, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about us.
- Us? - Sorry, is it too soon? - No.
- I don't wanna rush you.
No.
You're not.
I love it, us, it's exciting.
I know it's really early but I can already see us moving in together, - we're so compatible.
- I agree.
Something I should tell you, if we do move in together, we'll be living with a teenager and a baby.
Baby? Yeah, for the next, I don't know, 18 years.
Oh.
I still live with my parents.
- So the other night? - That's Mum and Dad's place.
- Guys, here's two flat whites.
- Thank you.
- There we are.
- Were you looking at her?! What? I can't believe you're checking out other women in front of me.
Billie, I'm not.
- I'm just - You're so confusing! I can never tell what you're thinking! (CRIES) (WAILS) Hello, everyone.
Hi.
Can I have your attention, please? I want everyone here to know that I have fallen head over heels for this woman right here, Billie Proudman.
From this moment forward, I have Billie-goggles on.
And I'm not interested in any other women.
Or men.
Just Billie.
We're on countdown.
The longer this goes on, the worse it gets.
Only if we tell.
If we never tell, it's never a problem.
Billie's right! There's no way to erase this! Oh, you know what erases this? A little bit of shush from everyone.
The ability to exercise self-control is what being an adult means.
I promise, we'll figure this out, we'll work out exactly what we have to tell them.
Which is? We had sex.
No details.
Okay, we have to tell them at the same time.
6:00? - Okay, 6:00.
- (PHONE RINGS) - (WHISPERS) Jimmy! - (CHUCKLES) It's Billie.
- Does she know I'm with you? - How could she? She knows everything.
- Hello.
- I need help! What's wrong? Have you ever been in a situation with a woman where your gut instinct was to run? Um When Zara told me she was pregnant with Alfie I was pretty freaked out.
That's great! Are you having a secret meeting in the library? - No.
- Is it with Kerry? What? Sorry.
I had to take that call.
- Everything okay? - (SIGHS) Well, it was my doctor.
Looks like I'm pregnant.
And you're the father.
(EXHALES) That's terrific news.
I love kids.
I've got five brothers and sisters.
(SIGHS) Excuse me.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Sorry.
- Billie.
- I need advice.
Brotherly advice.
Under what circumstances would you never see a woman again? Syphilis.
Wow! You really had that one ready to go.
It's one of my greatest fears, syphilis and having a small monkey eat my face off.
It goes back to this novel I read when I was a kid, and it I'm gonna tell you all about that another time, okay? Bye.
That was my doctor again.
He got the results mixed up.
Turns out I'm not pregnant.
Oh.
But I have syphilis.
(SIGHS) I'm so glad you brought it up first.
- (SIGHS) - One second.
Billie? I thought I had this, but he's good, he's really good, Neens.
I need something, something that's gonna make him run.
(CHUCKLES) Sounds like you're having fun.
I am.
Anyway, what would it take to make you give up on me? Oh, I don't know.
I'm not good at this.
You are.
Come on.
(SIGHS) I don't know, meeting the family is always a hurdle.
That's it! Wait, no, no, no, no.
Billie Thanks, Neens.
I'd like you to meet my family.
I'd love that.
Tonight.
Great.
Yeah.
KERRY: Well, isn't it better to be more precise? That way we're not leaving anything to the imagination.
We'll just say that it was a prod, that's it.
I can't tell Zara that I prodded you.
- A party pash and a prod.
- No! - Three thrusts and a mild insertion? - No way! Wha? What would you say it was, then? - Mother? - Jimmy.
- What are you doing here? - Who, me? Ah, I'm always here.
But if you're here, who's with the kids? Oh, Jimmy, don't worry, Zara's with them.
She's on nights.
But you'd know that if you ever came home.
(SCOFFS) - I might actually just Bye.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Mother, do you even own a library card? The question is, Jimmy, do you? - Harry.
- Hey.
About last night, I don't want you to think I don't want kids, that's that's not what I was saying.
I don't think that.
No, it's just, when we met, you were doing IVF, but we've never talked about having kids.
I thought it was too soon to have that conversation.
I don't think there's such a thing as too soon.
I think the moment arrives and you have the conversation.
Do you know the version of my life that I like? Yeah? The one where I help women bring babies into the world and then I come home to you and Zoe at the end of the day.
I like that too.
Good luck with your dad.
Okay.
Thanks.
Bye.
So, Dad, this is my final report.
It's a summary of my findings and recommendations.
I mean, you won't agree with everything that's in there but I think there's some stuff you can use, moving forward.
You asked these people, my staff "What stops you from doing your job well?" You asked 'em that? I did.
"A workplace culture of bullying.
" They're your words, not theirs.
Is that all? No, you see, Dad, this this is the sensitivity that - Harry.
- No, no, it needs to be said.
This is the reason why your employees live in fear of upsetting you, okay, because instead of taking it on the chin, you get sullen, and then everyone knows, in a little while, you're gonna blow your stack.
I know you don't think much of what I do, that's fine, but you expect this company to protect you when, really, it should be the other way around.
You've got this incredible team of people support them, encourage them, help them be their best, that's what leadership is.
Okay.
How about I turned one bus I turned that into a company! That put a roof over your head.
Over everyone's heads.
I even paid for Kevin and Leah's son's braces.
Now, you didn't know that! Dad, these are Harry's recommendations.
Okay, they're just his views.
Let's put them to one side He wants to walk in here, snoop and pry, and tell me - Oh, come on! - How to run my business! No, you know what? Actually, I really don't.
Which is why I'm recommending someone else step in to implement the changes.
I'll have some names to you this afternoon.
Harry.
What the fuck? What was the point in doing all of this? Dad's just gonna dig his heels in now, there's no way he's gonna change anything.
If you've got a problem with Dad, you deal with it.
Okay? Don't get me to do it, it can't always be me.
(SCOFFS) If you'd been a little more focused on your job instead of being distracted by your girlfriend I wrote a report with a lot of problems on it and you know what, Nina wasn't one of them.
Maybe she should be.
Just leave Nina out of this! Oh, right, so we're just gonna pretend that it doesn't bother you that everyone still prefers Georgie? (SIGHS) Oh, you think I don't know what you're doing? Okay, you like to be the level-headed centre, but the way you do it is by pitting people against each other.
- What do you mean? - I love Nina! We have a future together.
Fuck, and you need to decide whether you wanna get on board.
- Bloods for you.
- Oh, thank you.
- What? - Nothing.
- You're obviously talking about me.
- Go on, tell her.
I heard a rumour.
About the head of obstetrics job.
Oh? Well, there's some really impressive applicants, like this guy from Bayler, who did this ovarian transplant Yeah, right.
The thing is, no one's seen your application yet.
- Isn't that confidential? - That's what I said.
- Why haven't you applied? - Ah, don't know if I'm going to.
Ah, but you're already doing the job.
I'm barely keeping my head above water.
I don't know if I can take it on with Zoe and Are you putting a glass ceiling above your own head? Why does everyone keep saying that?! I'm I'm just prioritising.
Doesn't sound like it.
They're not gonna want me.
They've already got me.
They're going to want to appoint someone eminent in the field.
They'll they'll want someone with huge research grants and impressive credentials.
We want you, though.
- Yep.
- Yep.
Well? It's negative.
You sure? You're not pregnant.
Do you want to call Martin? I didn't tell him.
You know, he wants you to apply for the job.
You'd be great.
It is stressful and busy and next level crazy, but if it helps, Martin really loved it.
I didn't think there'd be anything that would make him give it up.
I'm sorry, Cherie.
I really thought I've been tired and emotional.
Do you think you just miss Martin? Oh! What are you doing? I'm early.
You can't be early.
You live here.
I'm not going in yet.
Is this about Zara? Just tell her.
Nice balloons.
Hello! Mum? In here! Hey, is Jimmy still out the front? As his sister, I feel like I cannot confirm or deny that information.
It's okay.
You don't have to say anything.
I know you're avoiding me.
I just wanted to tell you that I I don't think you're a failure.
You're the bravest person that I know.
In all these years, I thought everything was happening to me, and I feel like I woke up one day and and I didn't recognise my life.
I was married and I had kids.
But then I lost you.
And I I realised that's the life that I want.
The life that I built with you.
And I miss you.
And I miss your body.
And I miss the simple comfort of you.
And and I I like being your wife.
And I I want us to try again.
Please.
Anyway (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Billie? Neens.
You coming tonight? Don't you think it's a bit excessive to invite a stranger into our home? He's not a stranger.
He's my wooer.
And this was your idea.
What? No, it wasn't.
Can you bring Zoe - Hey.
- And Harry too? It needs to be big, messy, the usual Proudman chaos.
Oh, and if you haven't had the big 'Will we? Won't we?' conversation about babies already, could you save it for tonight? Have it at Mum's so that we can all be a part of it and maybe tease out some of the more difficult parts.
Bye, Billie.
Hi.
Hey.
- Mmm.
- Mm.
How was your dad? Oh, it was kind of like dinner, but with less yelling and more quitting.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, no.
It's a good thing.
Should've done it ages ago.
Harry, I I think I want to apply for Martin's job.
Yeah, I'm glad.
I didn't want to push you into it but you'll be so good.
- You think? - Yeah.
And my first recommendation is to uninstall the security cameras.
But that's purely to protect your career.
(SIGHS) Hey, um I wanted you to know, a part of the reason Georgie and I broke up was a decision to have children.
Okay.
I I didn't think about them much before and then she wanted one and I wasn't sure, and I thought, "Yeah, let's go," and the timing was wrong for her.
It was the inability to make that decision that became an indicator that our relationship was going wrong.
There's no pressure here.
Yeah.
Are you gonna make a baby? Oh, hello! (LAUGHS) We were just talking.
Make a baby right now! Right now? Right now, we're going to Geraldine's.
Yeah? Okay.
- Yeah? Come on.
- Yes, please! Wow.
Billie, this is (LAUGHS) I know.
(ALL CHAT) Hello! (DING! DING! DING!) Um, thank you all for coming.
Um As you may or may not know, I have a plan to obsess this guy out of my life, and I expect you all to help.
All I ask is that you all be yourselves.
Um, but if any of you have any secrets, um, any illegitimate children that we don't know about, um, it'd be really helpful if you could announce it tonight.
Thank you.
Oh, what is going on? N-nothing.
Is this the same secret or a different secret to the one at the hospital? Different.
No, the same.
Same.
I'm not gonna tell you, am I, because otherwise it wouldn't be a secret.
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) What happened with Mum? (HUSHED) I ran into her at the library.
I was with Kerry.
- I knew it! - What were you doing with Kerry? Oh, figuring out how to tell Zara and Will.
And? Are we being watched? (CHUCKLES FALSELY) Smile.
It makes it look less suspicious, less like we're having a secret meeting.
(ALL LAUGH FALSELY) What was Mum doing at the library? I don't know.
She was being really shady.
She reckons she's got a library card.
Yeah, right.
When are you gonna tell Zara? We made a pact.
Kerry's gonna tell Will and I'm gonna tell Zara at six o'clock tonight.
- Ohh - It's six already.
I don't think I can do it.
- Jimmy! - I know, I'm sorry.
I just I think Zara might be open to working on our marriage and I am terrified that if I tell her, it'll change everything.
(LAUGHS LOUDLY) (NINA AND BILLIE LAUGH) Jimmy.
Listen to me.
I'm so sorry.
And I feel terrible for you.
But there's no way that you can keep this secret from Zara forever.
You have to tell her.
I know.
I just wanted one more night before it all comes crashing down.
You look beautiful.
Thanks.
Are you okay? Uh, yep.
Yes.
Actually, I think my watch is wrong.
Do you have the time? No, I think it's about six a bit before.
Well, is it six or a bit before? I don't know.
Why? Will, there is something that I need to tell you.
Since we broke up, I mean, I I know.
I I think I know what you're about to say, and it's okay, because the thing is (LAUGHS) What are you doing? I don't know! Look, I know that I'm a planner, I'm a list maker, and I know that that's what killed it and Hang on.
Killed what? Us.
Your desire for me.
No, hey.
This What happened with us was not your fault.
Not all of it.
We hit our first block and I I decided that it couldn't be solved, so I ran because that's what I do.
We're both terrible at relationships.
I'm a bit wet now.
- But, um - Will, I am so sorry.
Kerry, no more lists or plans.
Let's just see what happens.
Take a big breath in.
(INHALES DEEPLY, BLOWS) (KIDS LAUGH) Where is Dan? He hasn't called, messaged, snapped, poked or liked.
Did you think of calling him? That'd defeat the purpose.
Billie.
I think you've won.
(CHUCKLES) (DOOR OPENS) Shhh! Quick, everyone! Marjorie.
(DOOR SLAMS) What was that? If you could all remain calm and put your mobile phones somewhere I can see them.
- (GROANS) Oh, come on - Right now! Mum, what's going on? Marjorie came to see me a couple of weeks ago with a problem.
Gerry, there is something I need to tell you.
Uh, for some years now, I've been involved in the import-export business.
- Oh.
- Pharmaceuticals, really.
Uppers, downers, end-of-lifers.
Marjorie is is a drug mule? She's having a spot of trouble with the law, so I said she could stay here just until it blows over.
Hang on.
How long has she been staying here? About two weeks.
Two weeks?! Does Will know? No, and you mustn't say anything to him.
He needs plausible deniability.
No, do we have to keep this from Will, Mum? Yes.
You okay? Oh, it's I just wish Dan was here.
This is exactly the kind of Proudman shenanigan he would've loved.
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS) I've put the boys to bed.
Thanks.
Are you wondering what else we've failed to notice? Oh, Mum's probably got a hydroponics lab somewhere in the backyard.
(BOTH LAUGH) Hey I was thinking, maybe I should move back in.
I had sex with Kerry.
It wasn't even really sex.
It was more of a prod.
A party pash and a prod.
- When? - What? When did it happen? Um, a few weeks ago, after we broke up.
And? And I'm telling you.
Okay.
Well, I know now.
(SIGHS) Did you get condoms? Shit! Billie's wall.
It's on hiatus.
What? (CHUCKLES) You know, just 'cause you're doing one doesn't mean you can't do the other.
What are you talking about? Well, if you got the job and we got pregnant, there wouldn't just be you.
We'd be doing it together.
Is that what you want? If you found out you were pregnant right now, how would you feel? I think I'd feel really happy.
Yeah, I think I would too.
FEMALE VOICE-OVER: Nina's going for a promotion.
If you can, drop your voice.
- How low? - Not that low.
FEMALE VOICE-OVER: But will her nerves get the better of her? Good morning, everyone.
- ALL: Good afternoon.
- Oh, afternoon.
Sorry.
NINA: (THINKS) Stop talking.
MALE INTERVIEWER: The hours don't concern you, despite having a young child? No more than I imagine they concern you, despite having your young twins.
NINA: (INHALES AND THINKS) Oh, my God.
NINA: (THINKS) Look at his face.
FEMALE VOICE-OVER: New Offspring, next Wednesday after The Bachelor, on Ten.
Oh, why, oh, why Oh, why won't you sing?
You fired him.
You made it a test that I had to pass to prove that I loved you.
Yeah, well, you failed.
And now you look at me like I'm a failure! You are a failure.
All right, I can't take it! We had almost-sex.
Wha? Earlier today, I learned well, guessed, that Jimmy and Kerry had sex.
No! Nina? So nice to finally meet you, Georgie.
I think the company has a serious top-down problem.
- It starts with you! - Harry.
You're a menace to the people who've given their lives to work for you.
You're what's technically known as a bully.
(BABY VOICE) I'm not gonna breathe unt He's gone.
Fundamental to building a sex wall is making sure I don't leave behind a string of broken hearts.
So I sex them, then pre-emptively pretend to be overly in love with them in a needy, bordering-on-obsessive way.
(CHUCKLES) Can I see you again? Why? I don't know.
I think I like you, or something.
Where's your phone? I have a printout of some of the sexual stuff that you and Martin have been writing.
Be warned it's pretty steamy.
Oh.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) I've run through the night to warn you the bushfire's coming.
I'm not going anywhere! This property's been in my family for generations! Then I'll stay too.
But I don't want your property.
All I want is you, Nina.
- (SWEEPING MUSIC) - Oh! What do you think you're doing? - (BOTH PANT) - This isn't you and Harry.
This is me and my husband.
What? I wrote this.
Oh, it's good.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Where were we? (NEEDLE SCRATCHES ON RECORD) (SIGHS) (TYPES) Do you have much left to do? I could finish it tomorrow.
(DOOR CLOSES) Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why won't you sing? Bring your hips to me, oh, bring your hips Oh, oh, bring your hips to me To me Oh, bring your hips to me, oh, bring your hips Oh, oh, bring your hips to me To me To me Oh, why, oh, why Oh, why won't you sing? Offspring 6x07 August 03, 2017 (BOTH PANT) (PANTS) So, that was unprotected sex.
I noticed that too.
I mean, I I was thinking the same thing.
But it didn't feel like one of the biggest decisions of our lives.
No.
It just felt like we were caught up in the moment and .
.
we didn't have condoms.
I thought there was one left in the box.
You okay? Yes.
That was wonderful.
NINA: Did we just skip that whole topic? BILLIE: Are you gonna have a baby with Harry? Um To be honest, I didn't want to have that conversation so early in the relationship.
Mmm.
And of course every kid in our family under 10 was conceived accidentally.
That one.
That one.
Your one.
How does the idea of a you-and-Harry baby sit? I don't even know if Harry wants children.
Yeah, what do you want? The hospital have started their search for a new head of obstetrics and I'm thinking of applying.
Relevance? Well, I can't have a baby and go for the job.
- Don't do that, Neens.
- What? Don't put a glass ceiling over your own head.
Been killing myself, trying to do everything for the past three months, and imagine having another child.
Well, you wouldn't be on-call.
There's a reason why Martin Clegg had no life.
Mm.
Take these.
Use them.
- What?! Billie! - My wall is on hiatus.
You done? My turn.
No, no, sorry, it's my turn.
I broke protocol with the last brick in my sex wall.
Ask me how.
- (SIGHS) - How? I gave him my number.
Billie, you just click-baited us into this story, you better deliver something.
Dan, that's the brick, is very nice, but I'm not in the market right now, so to get rid of him, I need to lean into the situation.
Lean in? - I'm gonna out-woo the wooer.
- Just block his number.
That's gonna make him want me more.
Trust me, you don't listen to my advice, I don't listen to yours.
I do listen, though.
Really? You talked me around.
Kerry and I have to come clean about what happened.
I just haven't figured out how to do it.
NINA: Come on, Nina, it's the sensible thing to do.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - Keep walking! - Ooh! What's going on? (GASPS) I read the manuscript.
- Oh, racy, huh? - Yes.
This is not about that.
I'm gonna tell you something and I don't want you to react.
I need you to do an ultrasound.
Oh, is it on the schedule? No.
(WHISPERS) No, this one's off the books.
- Come in, Mama Goose, coast is clear.
- Who's Mama Goose? Jess! She's pregnant.
- Is she really pregnant?! - Don't make me slap you, yes! She's downstairs, this is her only window.
Cherie's not on till this afternoon.
- Zara! - Nina.
What are you doing here? Just finished my night shift, heading home.
- What are you guys doing? - Oh You both have faces.
(CHUCKLES) We're just discussing an ultrasound.
- Yes.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - (GASPS) - Why are you so jumpy? We're not.
- Cherie! - What's going on? Oh, some flimsy story about an ultrasound.
Why are you all hanging around the lift? We're just gossiping.
- Mm.
- Really? What's the goss? Well, Nina was just telling me (WHISPERS) That thing, the thing that you were just telling me.
Oh.
I Oh, it's just I've had unprotected sex.
(SNORTS) - Wow.
- What? Who with? Harry! So you're gonna have a baby? Oh, no, no.
No, it was a one-off.
It was a mistake.
(SIGHS) A really enjoyable, unexpected mistake.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) I'm gonna go, but whatever chicanery is going on here And look, I don't know what it is, but I can smell it.
What are you doing here?! I'm here to see Nina.
Have you got time for a quick chat? - No.
- Yes! - It'll just take a second.
- What's it about? It's about hearing what Nina thought about my manuscript.
- Oh! - You know the one that you stole from my computer and gave to, like, everyone in this whole hospital? (LAUGHS) The thing that you need to know about that is - Go.
- What? Now! Go, now! Cherie, what's going on? (GASPS) I did read the manuscript.
- Yeah? - Yep.
- Hot, right? - Yes! Okay, um, this isn't about that.
That was a lie.
What?! So You know how Martin and I have spent the last few months exploring the perks of high-speed internet connection? We've tried phone sex, Skype sex, Snapchat Yep.
There are some interesting things you can do with those filters.
- Oh, yes.
- It's been fun but when Martin found out about his job, we had a moment of weakness, he snuck back to get his things And the sex, we hit a new place, it was like - (BLOWS AGGRESSIVELY) - (BLOWS AGGRESSIVELY) You get me? I think it hit the bullseye.
You think you're pregnant? I know it's too early to pee on a stick but is there any chance that you could do a blood test? Meet me back here in five minutes.
Hi.
Sorry, got caught up.
Ha! - How are you doing, Jess? - Yep.
Yeah, it's all right.
We'll have a look.
See how things are going.
Do you know roughly how far along you are? We think eight eight weeks.
Well, let's get this beast fired up.
I've just gotta go and see another patient and I'll be back with you.
- Right now? - Yep.
Won't be long.
I'm trying to help.
Right, we have to hurry.
Have you thought about what you're gonna do if you are pregnant? Oh, wait nine months until a baby pops out.
No.
I mean You're here, Martin's in the bush.
To be honest, I hadn't planned on having any more children.
I always thought Ray was my one and only.
Yeah.
You know, but there's a voice inside the day will come when I can't have another one.
Will I wish that I did? We're done.
I'll get this tested and now I've just gotta Yeah, no, you go.
- Nina? - Yes, what? - What's going on in here? - Just talking.
Nothing.
Talking.
What's with the blood? Oh, this is (EXHALES) - Anyway, Emma wants to see you.
- About what? Don't know.
But right now she's in your office.
Hup, okay.
Whoa.
Okay.
Okay.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Hey.
I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.
Well, I sort of was.
There's not really anything to talk about.
What? Except the secret's already out.
Billie knows, Nina knows and Will wants to get back together with you.
Does he? We need to meet up, today, figure out how to get a handle on this.
Where? We'll meet somewhere we have no chance of running into anyone we know.
(SCOFFS) Which means no dog parks.
- Or war offices.
- Or lesbian bars.
Hang on, I got it.
I know exactly where we need to meet.
Nina, hi.
Hi.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Anything's happened? As you probably know, we've been keeping a very close eye on your ward after well, everything.
Oh.
Is it? What is it? It's probably best I just show you what we're dealing with here.
(EXHALES) (GASPS) Oh.
When was this? About a week ago.
About the same time Dr Clegg was let go.
Do you know anything about this? - Yep.
- You knew? I just found out.
That Martin Clegg travelled back to St Francis with the express purpose of copulating with one of our midwives? - Why? - Well Knowing them both, pretty well, I'd say - they just wanted a quickie.
- A quickie? Well, clearly a (EXHALES) quickie that he wanted us all to know about.
Now, this speaks to discipline.
- Now - (YELLS) I will speak to everybody! This is a one-off and it will never happen again.
No more sex in cupboards! - Thought I'd say hi.
- Hi.
Um making a deposit.
- Oof.
- Just need to find a free room.
Mm, this one's busy.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, that's fine.
DAN: Hello? Hello, it's me.
Billie.
I'm so glad you called me back.
I haven't stopped thinking about you since the other night.
I'm not surprised.
When can I see you again? How about tomorrow night? (CHUCKLES) It's a long time to wait.
Any chance you're free tonight? Or I could do lunch.
I could meet you in half an hour.
- 15 minutes.
- I could meet you now.
Really? Where are you? Archie's.
At a table for two.
I'll be right there.
All righty, then, let's get started.
We didn't expect it to happen this fast.
We only just started trying.
Mm.
Lucky you.
Okay.
- We ready? - Mm-hm.
- Bit cold.
- (CHUCKLES) Just checking the situation with Will.
Yeah, he's the dad.
We just wanted to get to 12 weeks before we told him.
He's right now, upstairs producing sperm for you.
Yeah, that's just for shits and giggles.
(HEART BEATS) (LAUGHS) Looks like you have a healthy baby on the way.
NINA: You remember this the joy.
We'll tell Will.
And Clegg.
We just we wanna make sure it's properly stuck before we turn everyone's lives upside down.
Yeah, of course.
Do you know what you want? - World peace.
- Me too.
Anything from the menu, though? - Flat white, please.
- Same for me, thanks.
So you took the day off, just so we could get to know each other.
It's not that big a deal.
My boss just broke up with my brother and then she slept with my other brother, so she kind of owes me right now.
- (LAUGHS) Sounds complicated.
- It is.
So do you have a job that you should be doing right now? I solve crimes that haven't happened yet with the help of a cybernetic dog.
- We have so much in common.
- We do.
- You have amazing eyes.
- You have an amazing face.
- I could stare at you all day.
- I hope you do.
You know, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about us.
- Us? - Sorry, is it too soon? - No.
- I don't wanna rush you.
No.
You're not.
I love it, us, it's exciting.
I know it's really early but I can already see us moving in together, - we're so compatible.
- I agree.
Something I should tell you, if we do move in together, we'll be living with a teenager and a baby.
Baby? Yeah, for the next, I don't know, 18 years.
Oh.
I still live with my parents.
- So the other night? - That's Mum and Dad's place.
- Guys, here's two flat whites.
- Thank you.
- There we are.
- Were you looking at her?! What? I can't believe you're checking out other women in front of me.
Billie, I'm not.
- I'm just - You're so confusing! I can never tell what you're thinking! (CRIES) (WAILS) Hello, everyone.
Hi.
Can I have your attention, please? I want everyone here to know that I have fallen head over heels for this woman right here, Billie Proudman.
From this moment forward, I have Billie-goggles on.
And I'm not interested in any other women.
Or men.
Just Billie.
We're on countdown.
The longer this goes on, the worse it gets.
Only if we tell.
If we never tell, it's never a problem.
Billie's right! There's no way to erase this! Oh, you know what erases this? A little bit of shush from everyone.
The ability to exercise self-control is what being an adult means.
I promise, we'll figure this out, we'll work out exactly what we have to tell them.
Which is? We had sex.
No details.
Okay, we have to tell them at the same time.
6:00? - Okay, 6:00.
- (PHONE RINGS) - (WHISPERS) Jimmy! - (CHUCKLES) It's Billie.
- Does she know I'm with you? - How could she? She knows everything.
- Hello.
- I need help! What's wrong? Have you ever been in a situation with a woman where your gut instinct was to run? Um When Zara told me she was pregnant with Alfie I was pretty freaked out.
That's great! Are you having a secret meeting in the library? - No.
- Is it with Kerry? What? Sorry.
I had to take that call.
- Everything okay? - (SIGHS) Well, it was my doctor.
Looks like I'm pregnant.
And you're the father.
(EXHALES) That's terrific news.
I love kids.
I've got five brothers and sisters.
(SIGHS) Excuse me.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Sorry.
- Billie.
- I need advice.
Brotherly advice.
Under what circumstances would you never see a woman again? Syphilis.
Wow! You really had that one ready to go.
It's one of my greatest fears, syphilis and having a small monkey eat my face off.
It goes back to this novel I read when I was a kid, and it I'm gonna tell you all about that another time, okay? Bye.
That was my doctor again.
He got the results mixed up.
Turns out I'm not pregnant.
Oh.
But I have syphilis.
(SIGHS) I'm so glad you brought it up first.
- (SIGHS) - One second.
Billie? I thought I had this, but he's good, he's really good, Neens.
I need something, something that's gonna make him run.
(CHUCKLES) Sounds like you're having fun.
I am.
Anyway, what would it take to make you give up on me? Oh, I don't know.
I'm not good at this.
You are.
Come on.
(SIGHS) I don't know, meeting the family is always a hurdle.
That's it! Wait, no, no, no, no.
Billie Thanks, Neens.
I'd like you to meet my family.
I'd love that.
Tonight.
Great.
Yeah.
KERRY: Well, isn't it better to be more precise? That way we're not leaving anything to the imagination.
We'll just say that it was a prod, that's it.
I can't tell Zara that I prodded you.
- A party pash and a prod.
- No! - Three thrusts and a mild insertion? - No way! Wha? What would you say it was, then? - Mother? - Jimmy.
- What are you doing here? - Who, me? Ah, I'm always here.
But if you're here, who's with the kids? Oh, Jimmy, don't worry, Zara's with them.
She's on nights.
But you'd know that if you ever came home.
(SCOFFS) - I might actually just Bye.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Mother, do you even own a library card? The question is, Jimmy, do you? - Harry.
- Hey.
About last night, I don't want you to think I don't want kids, that's that's not what I was saying.
I don't think that.
No, it's just, when we met, you were doing IVF, but we've never talked about having kids.
I thought it was too soon to have that conversation.
I don't think there's such a thing as too soon.
I think the moment arrives and you have the conversation.
Do you know the version of my life that I like? Yeah? The one where I help women bring babies into the world and then I come home to you and Zoe at the end of the day.
I like that too.
Good luck with your dad.
Okay.
Thanks.
Bye.
So, Dad, this is my final report.
It's a summary of my findings and recommendations.
I mean, you won't agree with everything that's in there but I think there's some stuff you can use, moving forward.
You asked these people, my staff "What stops you from doing your job well?" You asked 'em that? I did.
"A workplace culture of bullying.
" They're your words, not theirs.
Is that all? No, you see, Dad, this this is the sensitivity that - Harry.
- No, no, it needs to be said.
This is the reason why your employees live in fear of upsetting you, okay, because instead of taking it on the chin, you get sullen, and then everyone knows, in a little while, you're gonna blow your stack.
I know you don't think much of what I do, that's fine, but you expect this company to protect you when, really, it should be the other way around.
You've got this incredible team of people support them, encourage them, help them be their best, that's what leadership is.
Okay.
How about I turned one bus I turned that into a company! That put a roof over your head.
Over everyone's heads.
I even paid for Kevin and Leah's son's braces.
Now, you didn't know that! Dad, these are Harry's recommendations.
Okay, they're just his views.
Let's put them to one side He wants to walk in here, snoop and pry, and tell me - Oh, come on! - How to run my business! No, you know what? Actually, I really don't.
Which is why I'm recommending someone else step in to implement the changes.
I'll have some names to you this afternoon.
Harry.
What the fuck? What was the point in doing all of this? Dad's just gonna dig his heels in now, there's no way he's gonna change anything.
If you've got a problem with Dad, you deal with it.
Okay? Don't get me to do it, it can't always be me.
(SCOFFS) If you'd been a little more focused on your job instead of being distracted by your girlfriend I wrote a report with a lot of problems on it and you know what, Nina wasn't one of them.
Maybe she should be.
Just leave Nina out of this! Oh, right, so we're just gonna pretend that it doesn't bother you that everyone still prefers Georgie? (SIGHS) Oh, you think I don't know what you're doing? Okay, you like to be the level-headed centre, but the way you do it is by pitting people against each other.
- What do you mean? - I love Nina! We have a future together.
Fuck, and you need to decide whether you wanna get on board.
- Bloods for you.
- Oh, thank you.
- What? - Nothing.
- You're obviously talking about me.
- Go on, tell her.
I heard a rumour.
About the head of obstetrics job.
Oh? Well, there's some really impressive applicants, like this guy from Bayler, who did this ovarian transplant Yeah, right.
The thing is, no one's seen your application yet.
- Isn't that confidential? - That's what I said.
- Why haven't you applied? - Ah, don't know if I'm going to.
Ah, but you're already doing the job.
I'm barely keeping my head above water.
I don't know if I can take it on with Zoe and Are you putting a glass ceiling above your own head? Why does everyone keep saying that?! I'm I'm just prioritising.
Doesn't sound like it.
They're not gonna want me.
They've already got me.
They're going to want to appoint someone eminent in the field.
They'll they'll want someone with huge research grants and impressive credentials.
We want you, though.
- Yep.
- Yep.
Well? It's negative.
You sure? You're not pregnant.
Do you want to call Martin? I didn't tell him.
You know, he wants you to apply for the job.
You'd be great.
It is stressful and busy and next level crazy, but if it helps, Martin really loved it.
I didn't think there'd be anything that would make him give it up.
I'm sorry, Cherie.
I really thought I've been tired and emotional.
Do you think you just miss Martin? Oh! What are you doing? I'm early.
You can't be early.
You live here.
I'm not going in yet.
Is this about Zara? Just tell her.
Nice balloons.
Hello! Mum? In here! Hey, is Jimmy still out the front? As his sister, I feel like I cannot confirm or deny that information.
It's okay.
You don't have to say anything.
I know you're avoiding me.
I just wanted to tell you that I I don't think you're a failure.
You're the bravest person that I know.
In all these years, I thought everything was happening to me, and I feel like I woke up one day and and I didn't recognise my life.
I was married and I had kids.
But then I lost you.
And I I realised that's the life that I want.
The life that I built with you.
And I miss you.
And I miss your body.
And I miss the simple comfort of you.
And and I I like being your wife.
And I I want us to try again.
Please.
Anyway (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Billie? Neens.
You coming tonight? Don't you think it's a bit excessive to invite a stranger into our home? He's not a stranger.
He's my wooer.
And this was your idea.
What? No, it wasn't.
Can you bring Zoe - Hey.
- And Harry too? It needs to be big, messy, the usual Proudman chaos.
Oh, and if you haven't had the big 'Will we? Won't we?' conversation about babies already, could you save it for tonight? Have it at Mum's so that we can all be a part of it and maybe tease out some of the more difficult parts.
Bye, Billie.
Hi.
Hey.
- Mmm.
- Mm.
How was your dad? Oh, it was kind of like dinner, but with less yelling and more quitting.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, no.
It's a good thing.
Should've done it ages ago.
Harry, I I think I want to apply for Martin's job.
Yeah, I'm glad.
I didn't want to push you into it but you'll be so good.
- You think? - Yeah.
And my first recommendation is to uninstall the security cameras.
But that's purely to protect your career.
(SIGHS) Hey, um I wanted you to know, a part of the reason Georgie and I broke up was a decision to have children.
Okay.
I I didn't think about them much before and then she wanted one and I wasn't sure, and I thought, "Yeah, let's go," and the timing was wrong for her.
It was the inability to make that decision that became an indicator that our relationship was going wrong.
There's no pressure here.
Yeah.
Are you gonna make a baby? Oh, hello! (LAUGHS) We were just talking.
Make a baby right now! Right now? Right now, we're going to Geraldine's.
Yeah? Okay.
- Yeah? Come on.
- Yes, please! Wow.
Billie, this is (LAUGHS) I know.
(ALL CHAT) Hello! (DING! DING! DING!) Um, thank you all for coming.
Um As you may or may not know, I have a plan to obsess this guy out of my life, and I expect you all to help.
All I ask is that you all be yourselves.
Um, but if any of you have any secrets, um, any illegitimate children that we don't know about, um, it'd be really helpful if you could announce it tonight.
Thank you.
Oh, what is going on? N-nothing.
Is this the same secret or a different secret to the one at the hospital? Different.
No, the same.
Same.
I'm not gonna tell you, am I, because otherwise it wouldn't be a secret.
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) What happened with Mum? (HUSHED) I ran into her at the library.
I was with Kerry.
- I knew it! - What were you doing with Kerry? Oh, figuring out how to tell Zara and Will.
And? Are we being watched? (CHUCKLES FALSELY) Smile.
It makes it look less suspicious, less like we're having a secret meeting.
(ALL LAUGH FALSELY) What was Mum doing at the library? I don't know.
She was being really shady.
She reckons she's got a library card.
Yeah, right.
When are you gonna tell Zara? We made a pact.
Kerry's gonna tell Will and I'm gonna tell Zara at six o'clock tonight.
- Ohh - It's six already.
I don't think I can do it.
- Jimmy! - I know, I'm sorry.
I just I think Zara might be open to working on our marriage and I am terrified that if I tell her, it'll change everything.
(LAUGHS LOUDLY) (NINA AND BILLIE LAUGH) Jimmy.
Listen to me.
I'm so sorry.
And I feel terrible for you.
But there's no way that you can keep this secret from Zara forever.
You have to tell her.
I know.
I just wanted one more night before it all comes crashing down.
You look beautiful.
Thanks.
Are you okay? Uh, yep.
Yes.
Actually, I think my watch is wrong.
Do you have the time? No, I think it's about six a bit before.
Well, is it six or a bit before? I don't know.
Why? Will, there is something that I need to tell you.
Since we broke up, I mean, I I know.
I I think I know what you're about to say, and it's okay, because the thing is (LAUGHS) What are you doing? I don't know! Look, I know that I'm a planner, I'm a list maker, and I know that that's what killed it and Hang on.
Killed what? Us.
Your desire for me.
No, hey.
This What happened with us was not your fault.
Not all of it.
We hit our first block and I I decided that it couldn't be solved, so I ran because that's what I do.
We're both terrible at relationships.
I'm a bit wet now.
- But, um - Will, I am so sorry.
Kerry, no more lists or plans.
Let's just see what happens.
Take a big breath in.
(INHALES DEEPLY, BLOWS) (KIDS LAUGH) Where is Dan? He hasn't called, messaged, snapped, poked or liked.
Did you think of calling him? That'd defeat the purpose.
Billie.
I think you've won.
(CHUCKLES) (DOOR OPENS) Shhh! Quick, everyone! Marjorie.
(DOOR SLAMS) What was that? If you could all remain calm and put your mobile phones somewhere I can see them.
- (GROANS) Oh, come on - Right now! Mum, what's going on? Marjorie came to see me a couple of weeks ago with a problem.
Gerry, there is something I need to tell you.
Uh, for some years now, I've been involved in the import-export business.
- Oh.
- Pharmaceuticals, really.
Uppers, downers, end-of-lifers.
Marjorie is is a drug mule? She's having a spot of trouble with the law, so I said she could stay here just until it blows over.
Hang on.
How long has she been staying here? About two weeks.
Two weeks?! Does Will know? No, and you mustn't say anything to him.
He needs plausible deniability.
No, do we have to keep this from Will, Mum? Yes.
You okay? Oh, it's I just wish Dan was here.
This is exactly the kind of Proudman shenanigan he would've loved.
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS) I've put the boys to bed.
Thanks.
Are you wondering what else we've failed to notice? Oh, Mum's probably got a hydroponics lab somewhere in the backyard.
(BOTH LAUGH) Hey I was thinking, maybe I should move back in.
I had sex with Kerry.
It wasn't even really sex.
It was more of a prod.
A party pash and a prod.
- When? - What? When did it happen? Um, a few weeks ago, after we broke up.
And? And I'm telling you.
Okay.
Well, I know now.
(SIGHS) Did you get condoms? Shit! Billie's wall.
It's on hiatus.
What? (CHUCKLES) You know, just 'cause you're doing one doesn't mean you can't do the other.
What are you talking about? Well, if you got the job and we got pregnant, there wouldn't just be you.
We'd be doing it together.
Is that what you want? If you found out you were pregnant right now, how would you feel? I think I'd feel really happy.
Yeah, I think I would too.
FEMALE VOICE-OVER: Nina's going for a promotion.
If you can, drop your voice.
- How low? - Not that low.
FEMALE VOICE-OVER: But will her nerves get the better of her? Good morning, everyone.
- ALL: Good afternoon.
- Oh, afternoon.
Sorry.
NINA: (THINKS) Stop talking.
MALE INTERVIEWER: The hours don't concern you, despite having a young child? No more than I imagine they concern you, despite having your young twins.
NINA: (INHALES AND THINKS) Oh, my God.
NINA: (THINKS) Look at his face.
FEMALE VOICE-OVER: New Offspring, next Wednesday after The Bachelor, on Ten.
Oh, why, oh, why Oh, why won't you sing?