Last Man Standing s07e07 Episode Script

1 - Oh, hey.
- Hi.
This is a nice surprise.
Hard day at work, come home to my hot teacher.
(Laughs) Yeah.
More like terrific tutor.
How are your students doing? - They are acing this quiz.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Give me one of the questions.
All right.
Uh, here, question four.
"What is the highest place on Earth?" Highest place on Earth.
Easy.
UC Berkeley.
(Stomps foot) (Coughs) I don't even go here.
Mount Everest.
- Of course.
- Boom! Can this woman tutor? (Laughs) I don't know if this is frightening or arousing.
"What is a mixture of igneous and metamorphic rock?" - Um - Migmatite.
Oh, yeah.
Geology, suckas! Oh, yeah.
This is arousing.
What do you say we go upstairs? No, honey, we can't.
Mandy's gonna come home any minute, and she's gonna be pretty upset.
About what? Well, that fashion website she submitted her proposed collection to gave their answer.
Modern Mode? They rejected all her proposals? Yeah, the whole line.
Eh, what do those fashion Einsteins know anyway? They couldn't tell the difference between an A-line and a B cup.
Project Runway.
Tim Gunn.
- Best thing on TV.
- Oh.
Well Buona sera, beautiful parents.
We have awesome news.
Ah.
Certainly handles disappointment well.
Listen, for the record, I'm only smiling right now because you brought pizza.
Honey, we thought you'd still be crushed about Modern Mode.
Oh.
She was.
She printed out the logo and used it as a dartboard.
It would be full of holes if she was better at darts.
But when Mandy's down, we get pizza.
- All right.
- Which was genius, because on the wall of Arturo's is a map of Italy.
And guess where Kyle and I are going? Italy! Sorry.
I get so excited when I know the answer.
I worked super hard on a line that got turned down by a bunch of idiots.
I need a vacation.
Oh.
Well, who's gonna pay for the vacation? Well, we've been saving a lot of money, Dad.
Living rent-free here.
I forgot.
Well, we didn't that's why we haven't been paying you anything.
This is gonna be so much fun.
I can't wait to go to every city on this pizza box.
Ooh.
Let's go to Nipples.
Naples.
Um, listen, your mom and I were talking upstairs, and we think you're making a big mistake, okay? - Huh.
- We don't think you should go to Italy.
But I just filled out a BuzzFeed quiz on what type of Italian food I am.
I'm a cannoli.
Well, we didn't have that information, so arrivederci.
Mandy, the deal was we would let you use the bomb shelter as a studio so you could save money for the business.
You know, not traipse around Tuscany like Diane Lane.
- I saw the movie.
- (Mouths) You're making it sound like I'm using your money for the trip.
- Oh, I'm sorry, I just mean - (Chuckles) We weren't being clear.
You're using our money for the trip.
Mike: Look, we support you in trying to get your business off the ground.
What we can't sign off on is you wasting money on travel, okay? But you always said travel was the best education.
I was right then, and I'm right now.
Vanessa: You've had a setback, okay? And I'm sure the next thing that you submit will be accepted, and-and then you're gonna need that money for supplies.
Look at it this way.
When God slams a door shut, he generally builds you a window.
Dad, why is everything with you home improvement? Chuck, uh, is my dad in there? No.
And just because my desk is here doesn't make me your dad's receptionist.
But would you like to leave a message for Mr.
Baxter? No.
Uh, actually, I want to surprise him.
I'm gonna upgrade the website for the restaurant.
You know, he's been working so hard on the expansion, I just want him to have one less thing to worry about.
Okay.
So, what are you doing here? Well, you do a lot of camera stuff around here.
(Chuckles) So I want to make a video for the home page, and I just have one little question.
- Okay, what? - How do I do it? As it turns out, I used to work in video production when I was in the Marines.
- What? - Yes.
I produced a recruitment spot where a farm boy looks up from a cornfield, sees an eagle soaring by, follows it to a hilltop Where a sword of destiny waits for him? - Yeah.
- I saw that.
Oh, yeah? All right, yes.
Thank you.
Yeah, 12% increase in recruitment.
Wow.
Yeah.
If I could do that for the Marines, (Chuckles) I can make a video for Outdoor Man Grill.
- Thank you, Chuck.
- Oh, yeah.
I-I don't want to put you out, though.
- Oh.
(Sputters) - It sounds like a lot of work.
- No - What's a lot of work? I'll do it.
Uh, you don't even know what it is, Ed.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
I'm retired and I'm losing my mind.
I just came back from playing pickleball.
Okay, well, uh, Chuck and I are going to shoot a new promo for the Grill's website.
That sounds like a terrific idea.
But make sure it's classy.
And nothing says classy like a spokesman in a tuxedo.
Hmm? I have four.
Four wives, four tuxedos.
For this one, I'd wear the Mary Ann.
Okay.
Uh, are you sure, Ed? (Chuckles): I mean, acting is harder than it looks.
Trust me, I'm a natural.
I know all the tricks.
As much as I love the camera, it loves me more.
Thank you, Ed.
It's gonna be great.
Yeah.
I'll round up the in-house production guys.
Kristin, you write up the copy.
Ed, take Mary Ann to the cleaners.
All right.
With pleasure, with her lawyer did the same to me in '86.
That took a long time.
That place was packed, honey.
Moo goo gai pan.
You know, I bet the progressives are gonna make us call this moo goo gender-neutral pan.
I don't care what it's called, just put it in plates.
I'm starving.
Yeah, me, too.
Ooh.
Oh, hey, honey.
You hungry? No.
What I am is stunned, - grateful and in awe.
- Oh.
Perfect, 'cause there's only enough food for your mom and me.
Uh, so, stunned, grateful and in awe about what? God.
And my friend Annie from high school.
Oh, that sketchy cheerleader who got suspended for selling her ADD meds? God, cheerleader, prescription meds.
This is gonna be a hell of a story.
One day after those weasels from Modern Mode turn down my fashion submission, guess who calls me? God.
No.
Annie, who is now a successful real estate agent.
- Vanessa: Oh.
- She invites me to lunch, we talk, and we wind up sitting for two hours.
Sounds like the waiter could have used the ADD medicine.
The moment I stood up from that table, I knew what I wanted to do with my life.
Th what are you talking about? I'm going to become a real estate agent.
W-What? What about fashion? It's what you said yesterday, Dad.
When God closes a door, he builds a window.
Fashion is the door, real estate is the window.
- Come on, isn't this incredible? - No wait, wait.
(Sighs) You and your home improvement.
Mike? Oh, hey, hi.
Listen, uh, great news.
I've been doing some research, and it turns out that Mandy will have to do a ton of work if she wants to be a real estate agent.
Huh? This will destroy her.
(Chuckles) It's true what they say.
There's nothing quite like a mother's love.
Okay, all right, all right, I get it, I get it.
I'm just I'll take anything if it gets this silly real estate notion out of her head.
You got to admit pretty girl, bubbly personality it's almost like Mandy was created in a lab to sell houses.
Hold on, hold on.
You're, you're not on board with this crazy idea, are you? I'm not even sure Mandy's on board with this.
Selling real estate is a rebound career.
It's not the career you marry.
Well, sometimes, you make a mistake when you marry, and you don't realize it until you need somebody's support and it's not there.
I mean, w-why aren't you more upset about this? Because I don't think you meant to insult me.
About Mandy.
Look, fashion is her life.
She didn't draw "for sale" signs on her school notebooks, she drew dresses.
She also wrote "Mrs.
Ricky Martin" in that notebook.
All I'm saying here, honey, is things change.
Just ask Ricky's husband.
Pull back to reveal the roasted potato.
Enter Ed! Uh, E-Ed, uh, your line is I know my line.
Then why didn't you say it? First I say it with my eyes, then my mouth.
Let's skip the eyes and go straight to the mouth.
And action.
Hello, I'm Ed Alzate.
Welcome to the Outdoor Man Grill.
(Whispering): Where your taste buds take a trip around the world.
(Chuckles) Ed, why are you talking like that? It's an old stage technique.
It forces people to listen more closely.
It's called whispering.
We're running out of time, Kristin.
We've been working on this scene all morning.
Do we have a-a good version of it? You mean, has he said what you wrote? Yes.
In a way we can hear it? (Whispers): No.
Uh, okay.
Uh (Chuckles) Let's do your-your line at the table.
Ah, perfect, perfect.
Moving to the table, everyone.
(Muttering) Now, uh, so, your line here is, "Everything on our menu is fresh, exotic and delicious.
" Uh-uh-uh.
There's something wrong here.
There should be champagne on this table.
It's their anniversary.
That-that's not anywhere in the script, Ed.
Well, I-it's called backstory.
It's essential for the actors.
They're not actors, they're from accounting.
And what's with the wine? A man such as I would start the evening with a martini.
Okay.
Let's just take it from the top, everybody.
(Stammers) I have I have a better idea.
Let's just, uh, let the cameras roll, and let's see if we-we get lucky.
All right? - Ed, that's not how this w - Ah, no, no, no.
Trust me.
Some of the best moments in cinema were ad-libbed.
Right? Such as, uh "I'm walkin' here!" - Hi, Mom.
- No, I'm not your mom.
I'm your reality check, so brace yourself.
I am coming in hot.
What's that? This is the next six months of your life, otherwise known as the Colorado Real Estate Manual, so you have fun getting through that.
I-I'm already reading it.
I'm just doing it in a way that's much more efficient.
Aw, my battery just died.
All right, all right.
Wait, wait, wait.
No, I'm not done.
Nope.
How about this? This is a schedule of 150 hours of classes you're gonna need to take.
Yeah, classes.
Your favorite.
Actually, it's 168 hours of classes and then the broker exam.
I also need a sponsoring realty company, which is why I'm meeting with Annie and her boss.
Ooh.
I got to go.
Oh, consider this reality checked.
Hey, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy.
What if you don't pass the broker exam, huh? Then what then? Mom, if I don't pass, I'll take it again.
- See you later, Dad.
- See you.
(Grunts) (Sighs) You know, I could've used your support right then.
I'd like to be supportive like Ricky Martin's husband.
"Cheer up, Ricky.
Let's have some eggs.
" Come on, honey.
What is it? What is really going on here? I don't want her to be like me.
I want her to be more like you.
What is that supposed to mean? I got a doctorate in Geology because I loved it.
- I got it, yeah.
- And then I took that job at Paxon because-because I didn't know what to do with it.
Right? And then it took me two decades to figure out that what I really wanted was to teach it.
And you have been teaching.
Y-You're tutoring.
You love it.
You reinvented yourself.
You're like Reagan but prettier.
Honey, I didn't know what my passion was, so I just took the first thing that came along.
Mandy has always known what she wanted.
I just I can't stand it that she's not going after it.
All right, all right.
All right.
You know, I think I get where you're going, and I'm sorry I didn't pick this up for No, no.
No.
Look, don't be sorry.
Don't be sorry.
Be grateful.
You have always known what your dream is, and you made it come true.
Kristin, I want to apologize about the other day.
Uh I'm afraid I got a little carried away.
No, no.
No, you were You looked so good in that tux.
Well, I the fact is, I was so excited to be doing something meaningful, I I became a bit of a jackass.
Hey, guys.
- You ready to watch the video? - Oh, no, no, Chuck.
You don't have to do that.
You don't have to do that.
I'll pay to do it over.
You just hire a real spokesman.
I'll just stay out of the way.
Now, h-hang on, now.
I-I worked pretty hard on this, - and I'd like you guys to see it.
- Oh, come on.
Chuck: Greetings.
I'm Ed Alzate of the Outdoor Man Grill.
(Laughs) Where your taste buds will take an adventure around the world.
Everything on our menu is fresh, exotic and delicious.
From our sizzling ooh hot entrées to our excellent selection of wines.
Yes, sirree.
Come for the food.
Come for the fun.
Come for the best meal of your life.
You'll take one look at our menu and say, "I'm eating here!" That is so good.
I did a little nip-tuck with the editing.
You know, worked on the sound.
Glad you like it, Kristin.
Ed? I thought I knew some tricks, but looks like you know some, too, Chuck.
(Chuckles): Oh, yeah.
And I can't deny it, Ed.
The camera does love you, man.
- Oh.
- You were wonderful, Ed.
(Chuckles) Well, it was terrific to be, to be part of a team, especially one that isn't playing pickleball.
So come on, let's go celebrate in that lovely restaurant of yours, and it's on me.
- Come on.
-Okay.
- All right.
I have a screenplay I'd like you to read.
It's, uh, it opens on me, all right, in a speedboat on the Riviera.
Okay - Mandy: Hey, Dad? - I'm in here.
Oh, hi.
Kyle said you needed my help.
Yeah, it's a real estate question, actually.
I was wondering if you think that this bomb shelter could be an asset I-if I ever sold this house.
Oh, yes, definitely.
What you do is, you call it a bomb shelter slash wine cellar.
I can see the marketing now: "Get bombed while you're being bombed.
" (Mouths) Actually, I was hoping I could get you to pack all this stuff and, uh, get it out.
Why? (Gasps) Oh, my gosh, are you selling the house? Wait till I get my license, I want the listing.
No, no, I just, I want you to pack everything up and get it out of here.
You won't need it, 'cause you're gonna be a realtor.
Wait, but it's not like I'm never gonna design again.
I'm just taking a little break.
Oh, that's not what it sounded like.
It sounded like you were done.
Well, I'm sorry if I was a little unclear, okay? I was dealing with a big disappointment.
So you don't think it'll be disappointing being a realtor? I mean, most people go to those open houses just to enjoy warm oatmeal cookies.
Yeah, I-I know I'll have bad days, but if somebody doesn't like a house I show them, it's not gonna you know, whatever.
Hurt.
'Cause you didn't design the house.
Yeah.
Did you like the portfolio you sent to Modern Mode? I loved it.
Best stuff I ever did.
There were these, um, billowy palazzo pants You can skip the details.
(Sighs) And all I got back was, "Thanks, but no thanks.
"Thanks, but you suck, "and you're the worst designer in the world, and we hate you and everyone hates you and always will.
" Honey, it's just a form letter.
My first media proposal for Outdoor Man, I thought I had all the details right.
Product, price You can skip the details.
And it failed? Nope, huge success.
The truth is, I also had a lot of epic I mean epic failures, I just don't tell people about those.
I just hate what it feels like whenever they say "no.
" Like I'm worthless.
Maybe because deep down, you feel like you were put on this Earth to be a great designer.
I do.
I used to.
I don't know anymore.
(Chuckles) You know, I'm looking at the stuff you did when you were a kid.
This is early stuff you did.
Honey, this is really amazing.
Your work is spectacular.
You really think it's good? I think it's great.
But it doesn't matter what I think.
Or what "Modern Anybody" thinks.
The only person that has to think it's great is sitting in your chair right now.
I just don't know if I can take it anymore.
This isn't my first rejection, Dad.
I am sick of hearing them say "no.
" Then you can pack all this stuff up.
And that's okay.
That's okay.
But then, you'll never experience what it's like - when they go "yes, yes.
" - (Laughs softly) (Sniffles) Just tell me the truth.
Does life get any easier? No.
But the good news is, it goes by real quick.
- Hey, honey.
- Hey.
You want to hear the funniest thing? Sure.
Did you bring somebody funny with you? Hardy har, har, har.
No, listen.
I was at my last student appointment on Eldora Street, - in that big Tudor-style house.
- Uh-huh.
So, I was a tutor in a Tudor.
(Chuckles) Get it? Ha.
Top notch, honey.
I made you a special dinner.
Just sit down.
Oh.
Just when I think I can't love you any more than I do, it happens.
I have that effect on people.
Very awkward at the post office.
There you go.
Plate's hot, plate's hot.
Lamb chops.
Wow, they're beautiful.
They were more beautiful when the other three were on there, but Listen, uh, I had a little chat with Mandy, and I think she might be over that rebound affair with real estate.
Oh, no, you know what? I feel bad about getting in her face like that.
I mean, I-I realized I was just mad at her for the mistakes I made in my life.
No, no, I think you've had a pretty mistake-free life.
Except for the murders.
You know, it's-it's better that she talks to you about that stuff.
I mean, y-you're, you're somebody who made their dreams come true.
Let's not go into this again, okay? What, you think that's an insult? No? No? All right, well, sure, I got a couple more.
How about this? You're handsome and you're good in the sack.
- Oh, really? - Hmm.
How about this? You're intelligent and you have a nice rack.
Now you go.
No, but seriously, seriously, uh, you know what, honey? Outdoor Man was your dream, and you made it come true.
I mean, th-that's pretty impressive.
More specifically, Outdoor Man was a goal of mine.
This is my dream.
You, the kids us.
And I didn't make this dream happen.
- We made this happen.
- Mm.
You know, just when I think I can't love you any more than I do, it happens.
Well, that's easy to understand.
I'm intelligent and good in the sack.
And there's nobody I would rather have my dreams come true with than with you, Vanessa Baxter.
Oh, right back at you, mister.
Mm.
So you want to go upstairs? I'm eating.
Come on, y-you know.
Yeah, yeah, I do know, but I'm eating.
That's why they call it a dream.