Rick and Morty (2013) s07e07 Episode Script

1
Aah!
Susglamon glabbi blah!
[SIGHS]
[GRUNTS]
- Pay up.
- What?
Pay up, G-Slice.
I just finished your chores.
Didn't I just upgrade your ponytail?
And And those ghost
goggles you asked for
- are in the vending machine.
- Attribute slider.
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah.
Jimmy Haddicker's
Frisbee-golf party is tonight,
I want him sliding all
over these attributes.
- Ow!
- Sensitive bone marrow much?
All right, what are we boosting,
what are we losing?
Strength me up, dawg.
I want that frolf bod.
- Drop intelligence.
- All right, four customizable stats,
courtesy of the genetic sequencer
- in your
- Come here, nerd.
No! Ah! Summer!
I will literally murder you!
Oh, Christ, you're too dumb
to know I'm serious.
Hey, Rick, what are you
Wait, i-is that an attribute slider?
You're juicing your stats
for the frolf party?
- You gonna ruin this for me?
- What? No!
I-I-I want one for the party too!
Do some shit for me, bro.
I-I-I helped you kill your nemesis.
Oh, you guys found him?
It's my emotional cheat day.
I am removing myself
from this conversation.
I can't believe he gave you that.
I-I've asked for one forever.
'Cause you're a bottom-feeder, Morty.
You beg and eat scraps.
I'm an independent woman
who eats what she kills.
Come on, Summer!
I-I'm your little brother!
Y-You have to take care of me!
Take care of this.
Oh! Agh!
You just hide anywhere, huh?
RICK: Kick his ass, Summer!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[GASPING]
Oh, my God.
- Who are you?
- Yeah, but what about this?
Ah, shut up!
- She's juggling!
- Whoa!
Bro, is that your sister?
Her dexterity is wild.
Yeah, I guess?
H-Hey, Brad, aren't you a football guy?
Of course, Morty.
But the off season is the frolf season.
[CHUCKLES] Yo, Summer!
Get over here and meet the team captain.
Oh, hey, guys.
So random seeing you here.
Love the way you move that coin.
- Ever consider a bigger disc?
- Is your hair different?
Oh. I dunno. I started using
this new leave-in conditioner?
I love it.
Maybe leave your number in my phone.
So charismatic.
Looks like we found our
new center-forwardback.
Gross! She's just using
tech to customize herself
- for social situations!
- Bro, maybe you should too.
You're harshing the buzz.
- Can you give us a sec?
- Ow! Hey!
You're embarrassing yourself.
Leave or I will make you leave.
Just let me borrow it for
a second, then I'll go.
What do you even want
it for, you parasite?
I-I wanna be ripped and and take
my shirt off in front of Tricia!
Ew! You worm! She's my best friend!
She's not even in your grade!
It's a trickle down effect!
She'll see me and tell everyone!
Okay, time to go.
- Yeah, Summer! Dump the chump!
- She's juicing!
- [CHEERING]
- The device makes her cool!
ALL: Go Summer! Go Summer!
Juice it up!
[GRUNTING]
- Aah!
- Not so strong now, huh?
Good luck with ha,
intelligence. My turn.
Ow!
- Whoa.
- That's more like it.
Morty. Wait 'til the girls hear this.
Let's see if these abs are waterproof.
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTS]
[CUCKOO!]
Ah! Ah!
- Wow, smart throw.
- Yeah, really thought out.
Now this is some shit.
This is what frolf is about, bro!
You pubescent little
simian, I will end you.
[ALL CHEERING]
[GASPING]
- No.
- Ugh!
Okay. No.
Not what frolf is about.
- Open your miiind!
- [GASPS]
Oh, my God. What the fuck?
Um, no thank you.
Dude, no way. Summer's got a Kuato!
A what-o?
Um, a Kuato?
Oh, my God. She doesn't
even know what a Kuato is!
I-I know what that is. I'm I'm cool!
Jimmy, your leave-in conditioner!
Ugh! Agh!
Look at how desperate she is!
- Boo!
- Yeah, come on, guys! Boo her!
[ALL BOOING] Boo!
[SOBBING]
ANNOUNCER: And now back
to "Cake or Fake?"
Please! Come on, you have to know!
Do I not breathe?
- Do I not speak?
- Hmm.
- Give me the knife.
- Agh, no! Oh, my God! Please!
- I'm not a cake! I'm not a cake!
- Grandpa! I'm a literal monster!
And you're blocking the TV. What's up?
Oooopen your miiiind!
Ho-lee shit! A Kuato?
Whoa. How How the fuc
Morty messed with my slider
and we fell in a pool
and everyone booed!
Thought the slider was gonna
be the whole thing this week.
- Wow.
- It's not wow, you Grinch!
Why do you care about high
schoolers? This is a Kuato.
From "Total Recall"?
T-They're basically the crown
jewel of psychic mutants.
Yeah, everyone knows but me!
They fucking shamed me for it!
Huh. Water must've fried
the gene sequencer.
Your spines are braided?
Christ, what a mess.
- You need to fix this, Grandpa!
- Okay, pay up.
- What?
- Pay up, S-Slice.
Thought you killed what you ate.
Chore wheel's empty. If you work fast,
I'll fix it in the morning.
Open your miiind!
See, Morty gets it.
Gah! You're worse than he is!
Ooopen your miind!
God, shut up.
Ugh.
Ooopen your miind!
- [SIGHS]
- [HOUSE MUSIC PLAYING]
What the hell?
Ooopen your miiind!
Ugh, God damn it, Morty,
you're even messing up my targeted ads.
I partied with other Kuatos
and had the time of my life.
Kuatos rule! Whoo!
Ugh, whatever.
- [GROANS]
-
- [HISSING]
- Ugh!
You know what? Fuck this noise.
Nice Kuato.
Open your miiind!
Preaching to the choir.
Have fun.
[HOUSE MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, my glob, your hair-Kuato
combo is out of this world.
Oh, uh, wow, I, uh
I love your tumor-face guy.
You're hilarious.
[LAUGHS]
- What'll it be?
- Open your miiind!
Coming right up.
♪♪
Hey, sorry. I couldn't help
but notice your Kuato.
He's huge!
Oh, um Thank you?
I'm Kwyatt, and this is Godiva.
Summer, and uh,
this little guy is Morty.
Open your mind!
Open your mind!
Wow, I guess they all say that, huh?
[CHEERING]
You guys celebrating something?
Yeah, being Kuatos.
We're kinda like VIPs here.
Who's your new friend, Kwyatt?
- She's cute.
- This is Summer and Morty.
You guys should join us at our table!
Whoo!
I mean, if you can handle
some rowdy Kuats,
you should come hang.
Open your miiind!
Sounds like we're down to clown.
Wow. You guys do this all the time?
It's a tight knit community!
Feels like we're part of
the future, you know?
Yeah, being a mutant is rad.
Open your miiind!
- What?
- Open! Your! Miiind!
Totally.
I love being a Kuato!
Whoo!
- Who's that guy?
- Kenneth.
He kinda pays for all this.
You wanna meet him?
- Obviously.
- Ken!
This is Summer and Morty.
They're new to the scene,
but they are the real deal!
New friends! Champagne?
So open-minded of you.
We're a rare breed!
Open your mind!
- What?
- Open! Your! Mind!
Oh, my God, your Kuato is so funny.
To Kuatos!
To the future!
[HOUSE MUSIC PLAYING]
♪♪
♪♪
[LAUGHTER]
You wanna get outta here?
Hell yeah I do.
This is, like, the best night
I've had in a while.
Welcome to life as a Kuato.
Open your mind!
Like, this whole time
I thought my brother
was an anchor holding me back,
but he's, like, a key, to something
I never even imagined.
Sounds like he opened your mind.
So did you.
- What's wrong?
- I'm Ugh. I'm sorry.
Wait, "I'm sorry", like,
you have a girlfriend?
Or "I'm sorry", like,
something much worse?
Oh! Fuck! Let go! Let me go!
- Hold her steady!
- Open your mind!
- Hold him steady too!
- Open your mind!
[GRUNTS]
Open your mind.
[GROANS]
Wha
Where
Morty?
Shit, shit, shit.
What was the activation phrase?
"Ponytail assemble"?
"Go go lock-picking ponytail"?
I don't give my grandpa enough credit?
[BEEPING. WHIRRING]
[GRUNTS]
[CHUCKLES] The oven's mostly for bodies,
but I make pizzas in here too.
Ugh!
Ah! Ah! Ah! No!
Arrivadeadci, bitch.
[GROANING]
Sorry, no time to save
you more than I just did.
Gotta find my brother!
[GROANS]
[SNORING]
- [SCREAMS] Jesus, shit!
- Agh, what the hell, Beth?
You're paying for those!
- Just yell my name like normal!
- I did!
Why do you think I risked
it with the tongs?
Huh. I-I guess I did
drink a lot last night.
Marathon of "Cake Or Fake".
The The sentient cakes,
they they keep you
guessing, you know?
- Where are my kids?
- Merged?
That doesn't answer my question
and raises several others.
Relax, sweetie.
Summer's just doing chores.
Which I will check on.
By myself. Without your tongs.
Summer?
Summer?
Summer?
Agh! God damn it!
Summer! You let them get hungry!
Wait, w-why is this in black and white?
COMPUTER: For dramatic effect.
I didn't design you for dramatic effect.
You made me sound like your dead wife.
Just color the fuckin' picture.
We're kinda like VIPs here.
I mean, if you can handle some
rowdy Kuats, you could join us?
I bet you say that to
all the mutant girls.
- He does.
- Holy shit! I'm just a pretty face!
- I'm just a handsome guy!
- Where's Morty?
He's He's in a good place!
He's happy! It's nice!
He's in a "Taken" house!
We're gonna put him
on the highest bidder!
- Take me to him!
- They'll kill me!
Okay, all right. I'm sorry. I'll do it.
[SOBBING]
So, he wasn't into me?
O-Open your
- O-Open your
- There he is. Man of the hour.
- How is our big boy?
- Finally stable.
Should be ready for
transplant in a few hours.
- Good.
- Open your mind.
Why do I do it?
Kuatos have always had
a revolutionary spirit,
and there's nothing more revolutionary
than me being rich.
You think anyone in that VIP
section was born a Kuato?
You're a rare breed, Morty,
and we're gonna put you on
someone who values that.
Aah!
Where is she?!
Sh She paid me, man!
She used the taxi app!
I make less than minimum
wage and I got five kids!
Sorry, man. I-I guess
I got really excited
to beat someone up for information.
Aah! Where'd you take her?!
- Come on! Ow!
- Where is she?!
She just ordered a drink!
Aah! I-I spent a long time mixing it!
- She didn't even tip!
- Shit, sorry. Wrong guy again.
- Thought I'd be better at this.
- Whatever you say, man.
- Just don't hit me again!
- Who'd she leave with?!
Aah! [GRUNTING]
- Where is she?!
- I'll never tell you!
Oh, okay, y-you actually know?
Wait, wait, isn't that
why you're punching me?
It is now!
What did you do to her?!
[GRUNTING]
Where is she?!
Shit, man! Right there!
- Grandpa?
- Oh, Summer.
Okay, awesome.
Who's this? Hot Guy Who Trafficked You?
I'm Kwyatt.
I'm kind of on a roll. Can I
Oh, God! No, no, no!
How'd you get here first?
I guess even when I'm bad,
I'm still pretty good.
So, what's Morty saying to you?
- Where is he?
- What? How would I know?
Y-You didn't form a psychic link?
No, we didn't form a psychic link.
- What the fuck is that?
- That's like the whole thing!
Crown jewel of psychic mutants, Summer.
You used him to get with cool kids,
but didn't even activate your powers?
It's kind of a Kuato's whole deal.
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
All right, so how do I hear him?
Open your mind, Summer?
Christ.
[GRUNTS]
Hello?
Morty?
- Morty!
- MORTY: Summer?
Summer! Is that you?
Morty, I can hear you!
Thank fucking Christ, you bitch!
I've been screaming for hours!
All right, well,
I don't have to hear you.
Sorry! A-And I'm sorry
about the frolf party.
I-I think they're selling
me, Summer! Hurry!
They're selling him, Grandpa!
- Well, obviously.
- Well, obviously.
[GRUNTS]
You don't have to do this!
What we had was real!
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Prepare to get opened.
Don't shoot!
I didn't tell them anything!
Except where and how to find you.
He's outlived his usefulness.
Kill him.
Aaaah!
Oh, shit, psychic warfare!
- What?
- Hold on, Grandpa's got this.
Oh, shit! Run!
SUMMER: Whoa, psychic Grandpa.
No, look. Fake temple with
a high pitch noise maker.
Run before these guys figure it out!
He's a fake, you morons!
Like most psychics! Kill them!
- Summer!
- I'm coming, Morty!
- Where are you?
- MORT: I dunno!
Th They're moving me!
I'm on the move!
This next one comes with a hat.
Oh, shit!
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
That's what frolf is about, bitch!
Ohhh, Frisbee plus golf.
- I get it now.
- MORTY: Summer, hurry!
Open your mind!
Where do you think they got that one?
Whose chest is that big?
We don't have time for this.
Hey, why do you get to
kick down all the doors?
I wanna kick one. Ow, shit!
It's locked! My ankle!
What is this, your first "Taken"?
Ah! Fuck you, Summer!
I rescue Morty seven times per season!
- MORTY: Summer! The boat, Summer!
- Morty! I see it! I see the boat!
Here, Summer, check this out.
[SUMMER SCREAMS]
- "Check this out"?
- Yeah, window jump.
Try to say it's my first "Taken" now.
[GUNS COCK]
- It's your first "Taken".
- I'm getting my groove back!
You heard him, boys! Kill him
before he gets his groove!
[GRUNTS]
Ow!
[GRUNTING]
Ow! Fuck!
None of this would have happened
if you just unmerged us when I asked!
Morty gets everything for free!
Morty's a dog!
People have cats because
their affection is earned.
I treat you like an equal
because I respect you
You remind me of your grandmother.
- What?
- What?
No, I said, "What?"
Oh, you're getting choked.
Go go ponytail secret move!
- [BEEPING]
- Oh, my God! What?
Hair, stop!
- I need you to remove that.
- Ungrateful.
How's Morty?
Morty! You okay?
Sorry, I just killed a guy with my hair.
MORTY: No, I'm not okay!
I-I'm still on the boat!
Hurry!
- Open Open your mind!
- Sedate him.
We're meeting his buyer in an hour.
- Ow!
- Open your miiind!
Easy there. It'll all be over soon.
Aw, shit! Bite me twice, shame on me!
Whoa!
Oh, man.
Inject me once
[GRUNTING]
Sir! They're inbound, what should we do?
Kill them, idiot!
[SCREAMS]
[SIGHS] There are days,
and there are days.
Kenneth, you're the crown
jewel of psychic assholes.
Quite an entrance.
Now, for mine.
[GRUNTING]
That's the reveal? You slide off?
You think I'm done revealing?
[GRUNTS]
That's right, it's me!
A smaller Kuato.
The mastermind behind it all.
I sold out my own kind,
and I'd do it again!
Wow, who could've seen that coming?
I mean, he can talk.
That's kinda surprising.
Yes. Everyone always assumed that
charming Kenneth was the brains.
Or perhaps his Kuato.
But I was in control!
Aah!
- Morty!
- Damn, Morty, big air!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Stop it!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[PANTING]
Open your mind.
You wanna die?
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Ah!
You little shit!
Whoa, he's got a knife!
Not just any knife.
- Kuato knife!
- Oh! Oh!
Hey, stop! That's mine!
Shit, fuck!
Oh, shit! It has missiles!
You think this is a joke?
[SCREAMING]
You're about to die.
So I'll let you in on my true secret
Those last three guys were chumps.
I'm the real top dawg.
Oh, shit, is that three
or four? I've lost count.
But wait, if you're dazzled now
Okay. I see where this is going.
Hey No! No! Ah!
No! Ow!
What? No! No!
Noooo!
[GURGLING]
Man, kind of a shame.
That spider thing was pretty cool.
Yeah. I wanted it.
- Morty says he wanted it.
- Oh, o-okay.
- Here.
- [GRUNTING]
Oh, wh whoops.
You gotta jiggle it more.
Obviously I'm jiggling it, Summer!
Well, not hard enough.
Morty says, "Not hard enough."
I-I must have it set up
for motion smoothing.
I-I gotta upgrade the polling rate.
[COUGHING]
Jesus, what are you, a lifeguard?
Just jiggle it!
I'm alive! I'm alive!
No! Wait!
I have so much more to reveal!
Ah! Nooo
There we go.
Oh, yeah, this is great.
Whoa, Morty, looking good.
Bro, you're actually
like a fucking boss.
Wait, can that thing jump?
Oh, my God. Bro.
[CHANTING] Frolf! Frolf!
Frolf! Frolf! Frolf! Frolf!
Frolf! Frolf! Frolf!
Frolf! Frolf! Frolf!
Frolf! Frolf! Frolf! Frolf! Frolf!
ANNOUNCER: And the Harry Herpsons win!
Yeah, Morty! That's a par!
- Morty! Yeah!
- Open your mind!
[LAUGHS]
Hey, did you see that par?
Morty's killer out there.
Yeah. He's not even using his missiles.
Speaking of I kinda need a new
girl to hook up with on Tuesdays?
Eh. Pass.
- Hey, you wanna get out of here?
- Totes.
Summer saved me from being
trafficked and burned alive.
It's, like, whatever.
Damn, Summer Smith.
There is no end to your complexity.
[EXPLOSION]
Ah, there's the missiles.
O Open your mind!
Open your mind!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Yes, well, my new Kuato was named Morty,
but I'm going to call him Sixty-Nine.
[LAUGHTER]
Kenneth's running a little
late with the package, no?
Oh, he'll show.
Do you know how much I paid?
69 million flurbos.
[LAUGHTER]
I had 70 of course, but
[LAUGHTER]
I have 69 credit cards.
[LAUGHTER]
My wife wanted to have sex,
but I said no, not unless we 69.
[LAUGHS]
- TMI, Michael.
- You have a wife?