Comic Book Men s07e08 Episode Script
The Canine Crusaders
1 [Upbeat music.]
Flanagan: So, let me ask you something.
Do you guys think the "Planet of the Apes" film franchise would've been as successful as it was if you put another species of animal in there? Planet of the Any other animal would work? What other animal has, like, opposable thumbs, like, hold on to those horse reins and stuff? Oh, is that the is that the key here? Is that what made the movie so impactful, is this? - Zapcic: Well - Johnson: Yeah.
Yeah, a little bit.
"Hey!" They can give a thumbs up.
Johnson: What is more important in life than somebody bein' like, "Good job"? Flanagan: I think the premise is so strong, it would've worked with any species of animal.
I don't know, because you have to have that, um, like, the apes were able to use the guns, - but you can't use guns - Why? - opposable thumbs.
He's got her.
- Right here.
So, everything's gonna come back to this? Chen: I guess.
- Yeah, but you're arguing it could be any animal.
- Any animal.
Like, uh, you know, like, Planet, like, Gerbils? Why'd you go there? - Flanagan: Yeah, why? Why'd you pick gerbils? - Yeah, you know why.
- What? - [Laughter.]
Johnson: He's got sketchbooks at home.
"Planet of the Gerbils.
" Chen: You said any animal, like Flanagan: No, it can't be a cute and cuddly animal.
Like, it can't be "Planet of the Koala Bears.
" - Why? They're pretty mean.
- Yeah, they are nasty.
- Yeah, they rip faces off.
- But they're so adorable, though.
They let your guard down and then they shred you, the next thing you know, he turns around to his friends and he's like [Laughter.]
Got him.
[ Dramatic music.]
[Roar.]
- Help! - Help! Help! [Mechanical whirring.]
[Explosion.]
[ Upbeat music.]
Smith: Hello, welcome to another pulse-pounding episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show that broadcasts underground from the Honeycomb Hideout.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
All right, boys, what knocked your socks off this week? We've seen a lot of Bat-vehicles, over the past couple years, right? But we have never seen this particular Bat-vehicle.
[ Upbeat music.]
How's it goin', guys? Hey, how are ya? - Good.
- What can we do for you today? Man, out front, I've got the coolest Batmobile you've ever seen in your life, man.
- You're gonna love this.
- Gotta check it out.
- All right.
I'll check it out.
- You gotta come on and check it out.
- All right.
- It's a great ride.
- Cool.
- Flanagan: I'm game.
Hey guys, wake up.
This gentleman has brought us a cool Batmobile - that we've never seen before.
- Zapcic: Cool.
[ Rock music.]
Zapcic: Oh, man, look at this.
Ta-da! Look at this, man.
Is that cool or what? Flanagan: Oh, my gosh! 1960s Batmobile kiddie ride! Flanagan: Where did you get it? I actually was at a barn sale.
The fellow sold it to me.
He pulled off the tarp, and there it was, man.
It just blew me away.
That's lucky for you, 'cause I went to a barn sale once.
Dude led me out to the barn, pulled up a tarp, you don't wanna know what I saw.
[Laughter.]
You're here to sell this? Yeah, sure.
I have always thought to have a coin-operated kiddie ride in front of the Stash would be the piece de la creme, right, to the Stash? - It's a piece, that's right.
- Johnson: It sure is.
Can we take it down and, you know, see if it works, - put a coin in there? Check out the horses.
- That'd be cool! Give me a hand.
We'll pop it right off there and put it right in front here, man.
Give the man a hand, Ming.
- Just hop on? - Help me.
Get right up there.
Holy cow.
This was everything when we were kids.
You saw one of these in front of a store, you knew, for five minutes out of an hour, you were gonna be occupied while Mom was inside the A and P.
Oh, your mom left you out there alone? Would you bring a kid like me into a food store?! [Laughter.]
We don't have a kid to take her for a test ride, but, um, I mean, I would think you'd be the only guy that'd be able to get in there, right? Squeeze your body in there? - Chen: Just get on? - Yeah, I got the quarter.
[speaking indistinctly.]
Watch your jeans.
Oh! - Chen: Okay - Did you just split your pants? - Chen: No, they're okay.
- Zapcic: Put it up! Flanagan: All right.
Ready? - Whoa! - Whoa! [Laughter.]
- It's cool! - Look at the joy on his face! Look! There's the Bat-Signal! Commissioner Gordon's calling you! There's a man runnin' around with split pants.
[Laughter.]
I've got to have this.
How much? I was hopin' to get five grand for it.
Five grand? You've gotta put it back on the truck.
[Laughter.]
You got any wiggle room on it? I mean, I really want it, but, I mean, at five grand, I'll-I'll never make my money back on it.
Seller: I don't know.
What do you think? $3,000.
I might be able to take $500 off for four and-a-half.
I need this.
I need this Batmobile.
That's why I'm gonna offer you $3,500.
I'd really like to get four and-a-half.
You're sure you can't do any better than $4,500? Seller: No.
They're just so hard to find.
You know what? The offer stands, man.
- If you ever change your mind, - Cool.
- we'll be here.
Thank you.
- Cool.
Thanks for bringin' it in, man.
No problem.
[ Funky music.]
Hey, have you guys given any more thought to that dog adoption awareness thing that I asked you about? I haven't really thought about it.
You know I love animals.
You know I love dogs especially, but I mean, I came up with an idea.
I thought we could do, like, a K-9 Cosplay Contest.
Like, dogs come in dressed up like superheroes, you know, we could judge 'em, pick a winner.
I like it.
That's actually pretty cute.
But in the Stash? Yeah.
Ooh, I don't know about that, I mean dogs on our carpet liftin' their legs, chewin' the comics I mean, that's a-that's a a nightmare.
No way.
What if I told you I could get us a celebrity guest judge? Johnson: Then you wouldn't care about crap all over the floor? - Eh - You might not.
Well, it depends on who the celebrity is.
Burt Ward.
Robin, the Boy Wonder? You're telling me you think you can get Burt Ward in here to be a judge at our K-9 Cosplay Contest? He's a huge, uh, proponent of dog adoptions, he's got his own company that makes dog foods, and he places rescue animals.
I love this idea of havin' Burt Ward at the Stash.
You know, talk about the press coverage.
"Burt Ward at the Stash.
" Where is this headline appearing? [Laughter.]
Are there any newspapers left in this world? Zapcic: And you know what else we can do? We can dress up like our favorite canine superheroes.
Flanagan: I like that.
I love this idea.
Burt Ward at the Stash I'll, I mean I'll take a couple deuces on the carpet, you know, if Burt Ward's here.
That's a small price to pay.
What, you're saying he can do it, or the dogs can do it? [Laughter.]
Can you tell us just what it was like to play the Boy Wonder, you know, - breathing life, you know, - Right.
- into becoming that Robin that everybody - Calm down! [Laughter.]
Zapcic: Mr.
Ward, I can't thank you enough - for comin' by today.
- Burt! Zapcic: All right, Burt.
Can't thank ya enough.
- Want you to sit here in the captain's chair.
- Oh, all right.
- Hey, guys, - Hey.
- Hello.
- How are ya? - Good.
- How ya doin'? - Thank you for coming.
Thank you.
- Ward: Good to see ya! Well, thank you for havin' me! Pretty cool here.
Zapcic: We're gonna raise awareness for dog adoptions.
- Oh, that's great.
- Thank you so much.
We can't thank you enough.
Oh, my God.
We got a great day planned, and, you know, but before we begin, I'd like to offer my sincere condolences on behalf of the Stash, on the passing of Mr.
West.
Ward: Yeah, it's-it's-it's, uh, it's very unfortunate.
I'll tell ya, Adam Well, you guys have met Adam.
- Anybody work here? - Oh! - West: Hello there! - Flanagan: Adam West.
Ooh, lookie.
It's almost life size! He was so much fun to work with, and such a sense of humor! People say, "Well, what is Adam really like when he's not, you know, when he's not filming as Batman?" And I tell people, "He's exactly the same! There's no difference!" Adam was, like, you know, very stoic, very grand.
I mean, he told me that he really understood what it was like to play Batman when he watched Charlton Heston play Moses.
[Laughter.]
There have been many incarnations of Batman, but you never forget your first Batman, and my first Batman was Adam West, God rest his soul, played the great Batman, and Burt Ward played his young sidekick, Dick Grayson, slash, Robin, the Boy Wonder.
They took the fun and joy of that era of comic books off the page and brought it to real life.
My moral barometer came from watching "Batman.
" Be good, trust in your friends, help others, be a hero, not a villain.
So, this show is a massive part of my childhood, and a big reason why comic book culture and movies mean so much to me.
And for me, I'm the kid that never grew up, never will, and so the two of us together, you know, you would think so-so opposite, right? But our humor is the same.
And when I met him, ten minutes before the screen test that we did together, back in July of 1965, in five minutes, the two of us were laughing.
I mean, and we've never stopped laughing for more than 50 years.
That's great.
Did you have a favorite "Batman" TV show villain? Y-you know, people ask all the time, that, but it's like, every week, we had some superstar on "Batman.
" I mean, Joan Collins, you know, The Siren, Burgess Meredith, The Penguin, Frank Gorshin, The Riddler, Julie Newmar, Catwoman, Cesar Romero, The Joker, Vincent Price, Egghead.
These are superstars, and I-I just had the best time doing it.
A piece of trivia for you.
Bruce Lee's first film fight scene of his career was fighting me.
Guest superhero, Green Hornet.
Ward: Right, right.
And-and he probably became the most famous film martial artist in the world.
I mean, it was just it was a great time.
And so many people loved the show.
We had a lot of fun with Burt Ward regaling us with his stories, but it was time to check out our setup for the cosplay contest, and he had a little issue about the way we had the dog bowls arranged.
Walt No disrespect, but this is all wrong.
You never wanna put water or food in a bowl on the ground, ever, because it is more stressful for a dog to lean down and eat at every single meal.
Let-let me show ya.
Okay? So, you got a dog here like this, right? Well, I mean, if this dog has to bend down to eat, that's really bad for the dog.
Robin on all fours in the Stash? If anybody walked in and saw that, they'd be like, "They don't treat their friends very well here!" Ward: There, that's about right.
There we go.
We have this food.
It's called Gentle Giants, all right? So let's give 'em a good amount.
And with our food, it's the only food designed for dogs to self-regulate how much they eat.
My dog eats mostly just potato chips.
No good? [Laughter.]
You eat mostly potato chips? - What do you think? - Yeah! Ward: Oh, well Our first contestant is Merlee, dressed as Spider-man.
Lulu as Wonder Woman! Nixie, who is dressed as, oh, my gosh, Robin, the Boy Wonder?! - [Dog growls.]
- [Dog barks.]
[Dog whimpers.]
[Dog panting.]
- [Dog howls.]
- So, it's the day of the Stash's doggie cosplay contest, we're in our costumes, and I get the honor of introducing to the crowd our special judge, Burt Ward.
[Applause.]
It is great to be here.
I am so glad all of you came for such an incredibly worthwhile cause.
My wife and I have operated, for the last 23 years, the largest giant breed dog rescue in the world, it's called Gentle Giants, and in 23 years, we've rescued more than 15,500 dogs and found each and every one a safe, loving home.
So, let's get goin'! [Applause.]
All right, our first contestant is Merlee, dressed as Spider-man! Oh, my gosh! Zapcic: Can you show us how Merlee would climb up the side of a wall like the real Spider-man would? Dog owner: Come on, up! [Cheers, applause.]
Ward: Wrigley, dressed as Wonder Woman! Look at that! Chen: Is-is Wrigley able to do the famous Wonder Women spin as seen in the Lynda Carter TV show? Spin.
[Cheers, applause.]
Very good! Bodacious, as Supergirl! Banner, dressed as Deadpool.
Zapcic: Deadpool is known to be horribly disfigured under the mask.
[Laughter.]
We will unmask Deadpool.
Aw! [Applause.]
Not horribly disfigured [Laughter.]
Ward: All right, next is Nixie, who is dressed as, oh, my gosh, Robin, the Boy Wonder?! Now, I'm gonna be a little critical of that one! Oh, my gosh! Oh, look at that.
She doesn't like wearing the cape, and neither do I.
[Laughter.]
All right, moving right along, April Moon, as Chi Power.
Flanagan: I don't remember what issue Chi Power first appeared in.
Owner: They haven't been in any issues.
- I made them up.
- Flanagan: Oh, okay.
- So, is it your own superhero creation? - I made them up! - I unleashed my inner superhero.
- Flanagan: Oh! - [Laughter.]
- I love it! Our next contestant is Pug, a pug named Pug, as Aquaman! [Laughter, applause.]
Lulu, as Wonder Woman! Betty White, dressed as Battle Cat and He-Man! He's got a very unique interpretation.
Why, thank you, Burt Ward.
Well, thank you, citizen.
[Laughter.]
Oh, my goodness.
Layla and Ali, dressed as Pink Power Ranger and Blue Power Ranger.
Uh, a group of putties has just appeared in the store to destroy all our comics.
Show us how they would fight them off.
- Oh! - [Laughter.]
Ward: Very good.
[Applause.]
Great.
We have one final contestant, guys.
Oh, my.
Scampi, as The Incredible Hulk.
In the comics, The Hulk travels by jumping.
Can you show us? Come on.
[Cheers, applause.]
There we go.
Excellent.
Well, thank you very much for coming.
We-we guys, we got a hard decision to make! So, the contest was over, we had seen all the contestants, and it was time to pick three finalists, so, you know, all the judges, uh, huddled together and it was a heated debate.
I like the pants on The Hulk.
The purple pants.
- Yes.
- That was a great touch even though it didn't cover anything up.
When Spider-man climbed the wall.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- Ward: Yeah, I thought that was good.
- Chen: Good.
Great.
Maybe I'm prejudiced, but I kinda liked the Robin, too.
Chen: Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, you are kind of prejudiced there, Burt.
- Ward: I mean, he did have the mask.
I thought he had forgotten the mask, but he did have it.
They all lose, 'cause there's no Underdog.
Ward: This is tough.
Not as easy as you'd think.
[ Tense music.]
Let's get our contestants back up and-and pick our three finalists.
Flanagan: This period of my life, I've never been more amped, like I was on crack, especially when this issue was comin' out.
Oh, yeah.
It's time to announce our winner! Are you guys ready?! [ Dramatic music.]
Can you tell us just what it was like to play the Boy Wonder, uh, you know, for those seasons and, you know, breathing life, you know, into becoming that Robin that everyone identifies with, - and - I got it.
- Burt Ward.
- Calm down! First of all, let me just tell you about getting the role, okay? There was 1,100 young guys interviewed for this role, and when they selected me, the producer said to me, "Burt, would you like to know why we hired you to play, you know, Robin?" I said, "Sure.
" He said, "Because in our minds, suppose there really was a Robin, in our mind, you would be it.
So, we don't want you to, quote, act, we really just want you to be yourself, and be enthusiastic.
" That's exactly what I did.
Now, it was a lot of fun, but it was a horrendous costume.
So hot and uncomfortable, and stuff like that.
I should've brought it so you guys could put it on.
I mean, you would understand, man was not built for tights.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: How you doin'? - How you doin', sir? - Good.
I saw the "New Teen Titans Tale of Teen Titans", the first appearance of Nightwing.
Can I look at it? Flanagan: Absolutely.
Could you grab this gentleman a "New Teen Titans" number 44 off the wall, please? Excellent choice.
Uh, one of my all-time favorite comics, one of my all-time favorite comic book series.
The first appearance of a new identity for Dick Grayson, Robin, becoming Nightwing, and the first time a sidekick would graduate to become his own hero.
Buyer: Exactly, that's why he's one of my favorite characters.
Let me take the sticker off so you can get a closer look at it.
- I like Batman - Mm-hmm.
but you can't get better than someone, you know, becoming independent of their parent.
- Zapcic: Right.
- You know.
Chen: What was the catalyst? Why'd he jump from Robin to Nightwing? Batman actually fired him from being Robin because he said, "Robin belongs with Batman, and if you can't give me your full attention, then you're fired.
" You're-you think a guy could, you know, maybe leave or get fired from a position and then, like, go on to become a badass? Not you.
You're thinkin' I'm gonna fire you and you're going to go on to become a badass? No.
It goes from dumbass to unemployed dumbass.
- [Laughter.]
- That's about where it ends.
Dick Grayson, who was Robin, the leader of the New Teen Titans, feels that he's grown beyond the little green shorts and the little elf shoes.
Smith: Like, finally, he separates from Dad, so to speak.
That's a storyline that a lot of people reading at that point, could really identify with.
Suddenly, Batman, who is like, our hero in this day and age, back then they were like, "That's your grandpa's hero, now Nightwing's where it's at.
" [Laughter.]
At this point, 1984, "New Teen Titans" was outselling every DC title.
It was outselling Superman, it was outselling Batman.
This period of my life, I've never been more amped, like I was on crack, - especially when this issue was comin' out.
- Zapcic: Oh, yeah.
I mean, we're lookin' at a really nice copy, very significant issue, and that's why, uh, you know this bad boy's gettin' 100 bucks right now.
$99.
99.
Buyer: I've seen this book, uh, better condition than this - Better condition? - for less.
- For less? - Yeah.
$60.
Naw, I-I couldn't go that low.
I mean, $85? Buyer: Is it possible we could do $75? All right.
I'll do $75.
- Okay.
- $75, it is.
All right.
We just had a sale of a wall book, fellas! - [Triangle clanging.]
- [Slide whistle warbling.]
- Wooh! - Wall book sale! - [Applause.]
- Congratulations.
Thank you.
Maybe I might come in and get another wall book.
- [Chuckling.]
- Thanks! Flanagan: So, we got our three finalists, and it's time for Burt Ward to announce who'll be the first ever Secret Stash K-9 Cosplay winner.
Here are our three finalists.
Merlee, dressed as Spider-man! Whoa! April Moon, dressed as Chi Power! All right.
Layla and Ali, dressed as Pink Power Ranger and Blue Power Ranger! Uh, it's time to announce our winner! Are you guys ready?! Uh, hard decision.
All three, look at that.
But our winner today [ Dramatic music.]
is Layla and Ali, Pink Power Ranger and Blue Power Ranger! [Applause.]
The dachsies won?! Dachsies should always win in life.
They're so damned adorable.
Man, that's good to hear.
I'm not a big Power Rangers buddy, but I love dachshunds, so put 'em in a costume, they're the winner.
Well, I'd like to, of course, thank everyone for coming out and making the first annual Secret Stash K-9 Cosplay Contest a super fantastic success, and most of all, I'd like to thank our celebrity judge, Mr.
Burt Ward.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thanks for coming out, friends.
Wowie zowie! To the Batmobile! - [Laughter.]
- [Applause.]
Holy costumed canines, Batman, the show's over.
For "Comic Book Men", I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Atomic battery to power.
Turbines to speed.
Goodnight, old chums.
Flanagan: So, let me ask you something.
Do you guys think the "Planet of the Apes" film franchise would've been as successful as it was if you put another species of animal in there? Planet of the Any other animal would work? What other animal has, like, opposable thumbs, like, hold on to those horse reins and stuff? Oh, is that the is that the key here? Is that what made the movie so impactful, is this? - Zapcic: Well - Johnson: Yeah.
Yeah, a little bit.
"Hey!" They can give a thumbs up.
Johnson: What is more important in life than somebody bein' like, "Good job"? Flanagan: I think the premise is so strong, it would've worked with any species of animal.
I don't know, because you have to have that, um, like, the apes were able to use the guns, - but you can't use guns - Why? - opposable thumbs.
He's got her.
- Right here.
So, everything's gonna come back to this? Chen: I guess.
- Yeah, but you're arguing it could be any animal.
- Any animal.
Like, uh, you know, like, Planet, like, Gerbils? Why'd you go there? - Flanagan: Yeah, why? Why'd you pick gerbils? - Yeah, you know why.
- What? - [Laughter.]
Johnson: He's got sketchbooks at home.
"Planet of the Gerbils.
" Chen: You said any animal, like Flanagan: No, it can't be a cute and cuddly animal.
Like, it can't be "Planet of the Koala Bears.
" - Why? They're pretty mean.
- Yeah, they are nasty.
- Yeah, they rip faces off.
- But they're so adorable, though.
They let your guard down and then they shred you, the next thing you know, he turns around to his friends and he's like [Laughter.]
Got him.
[ Dramatic music.]
[Roar.]
- Help! - Help! Help! [Mechanical whirring.]
[Explosion.]
[ Upbeat music.]
Smith: Hello, welcome to another pulse-pounding episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show that broadcasts underground from the Honeycomb Hideout.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
All right, boys, what knocked your socks off this week? We've seen a lot of Bat-vehicles, over the past couple years, right? But we have never seen this particular Bat-vehicle.
[ Upbeat music.]
How's it goin', guys? Hey, how are ya? - Good.
- What can we do for you today? Man, out front, I've got the coolest Batmobile you've ever seen in your life, man.
- You're gonna love this.
- Gotta check it out.
- All right.
I'll check it out.
- You gotta come on and check it out.
- All right.
- It's a great ride.
- Cool.
- Flanagan: I'm game.
Hey guys, wake up.
This gentleman has brought us a cool Batmobile - that we've never seen before.
- Zapcic: Cool.
[ Rock music.]
Zapcic: Oh, man, look at this.
Ta-da! Look at this, man.
Is that cool or what? Flanagan: Oh, my gosh! 1960s Batmobile kiddie ride! Flanagan: Where did you get it? I actually was at a barn sale.
The fellow sold it to me.
He pulled off the tarp, and there it was, man.
It just blew me away.
That's lucky for you, 'cause I went to a barn sale once.
Dude led me out to the barn, pulled up a tarp, you don't wanna know what I saw.
[Laughter.]
You're here to sell this? Yeah, sure.
I have always thought to have a coin-operated kiddie ride in front of the Stash would be the piece de la creme, right, to the Stash? - It's a piece, that's right.
- Johnson: It sure is.
Can we take it down and, you know, see if it works, - put a coin in there? Check out the horses.
- That'd be cool! Give me a hand.
We'll pop it right off there and put it right in front here, man.
Give the man a hand, Ming.
- Just hop on? - Help me.
Get right up there.
Holy cow.
This was everything when we were kids.
You saw one of these in front of a store, you knew, for five minutes out of an hour, you were gonna be occupied while Mom was inside the A and P.
Oh, your mom left you out there alone? Would you bring a kid like me into a food store?! [Laughter.]
We don't have a kid to take her for a test ride, but, um, I mean, I would think you'd be the only guy that'd be able to get in there, right? Squeeze your body in there? - Chen: Just get on? - Yeah, I got the quarter.
[speaking indistinctly.]
Watch your jeans.
Oh! - Chen: Okay - Did you just split your pants? - Chen: No, they're okay.
- Zapcic: Put it up! Flanagan: All right.
Ready? - Whoa! - Whoa! [Laughter.]
- It's cool! - Look at the joy on his face! Look! There's the Bat-Signal! Commissioner Gordon's calling you! There's a man runnin' around with split pants.
[Laughter.]
I've got to have this.
How much? I was hopin' to get five grand for it.
Five grand? You've gotta put it back on the truck.
[Laughter.]
You got any wiggle room on it? I mean, I really want it, but, I mean, at five grand, I'll-I'll never make my money back on it.
Seller: I don't know.
What do you think? $3,000.
I might be able to take $500 off for four and-a-half.
I need this.
I need this Batmobile.
That's why I'm gonna offer you $3,500.
I'd really like to get four and-a-half.
You're sure you can't do any better than $4,500? Seller: No.
They're just so hard to find.
You know what? The offer stands, man.
- If you ever change your mind, - Cool.
- we'll be here.
Thank you.
- Cool.
Thanks for bringin' it in, man.
No problem.
[ Funky music.]
Hey, have you guys given any more thought to that dog adoption awareness thing that I asked you about? I haven't really thought about it.
You know I love animals.
You know I love dogs especially, but I mean, I came up with an idea.
I thought we could do, like, a K-9 Cosplay Contest.
Like, dogs come in dressed up like superheroes, you know, we could judge 'em, pick a winner.
I like it.
That's actually pretty cute.
But in the Stash? Yeah.
Ooh, I don't know about that, I mean dogs on our carpet liftin' their legs, chewin' the comics I mean, that's a-that's a a nightmare.
No way.
What if I told you I could get us a celebrity guest judge? Johnson: Then you wouldn't care about crap all over the floor? - Eh - You might not.
Well, it depends on who the celebrity is.
Burt Ward.
Robin, the Boy Wonder? You're telling me you think you can get Burt Ward in here to be a judge at our K-9 Cosplay Contest? He's a huge, uh, proponent of dog adoptions, he's got his own company that makes dog foods, and he places rescue animals.
I love this idea of havin' Burt Ward at the Stash.
You know, talk about the press coverage.
"Burt Ward at the Stash.
" Where is this headline appearing? [Laughter.]
Are there any newspapers left in this world? Zapcic: And you know what else we can do? We can dress up like our favorite canine superheroes.
Flanagan: I like that.
I love this idea.
Burt Ward at the Stash I'll, I mean I'll take a couple deuces on the carpet, you know, if Burt Ward's here.
That's a small price to pay.
What, you're saying he can do it, or the dogs can do it? [Laughter.]
Can you tell us just what it was like to play the Boy Wonder, you know, - breathing life, you know, - Right.
- into becoming that Robin that everybody - Calm down! [Laughter.]
Zapcic: Mr.
Ward, I can't thank you enough - for comin' by today.
- Burt! Zapcic: All right, Burt.
Can't thank ya enough.
- Want you to sit here in the captain's chair.
- Oh, all right.
- Hey, guys, - Hey.
- Hello.
- How are ya? - Good.
- How ya doin'? - Thank you for coming.
Thank you.
- Ward: Good to see ya! Well, thank you for havin' me! Pretty cool here.
Zapcic: We're gonna raise awareness for dog adoptions.
- Oh, that's great.
- Thank you so much.
We can't thank you enough.
Oh, my God.
We got a great day planned, and, you know, but before we begin, I'd like to offer my sincere condolences on behalf of the Stash, on the passing of Mr.
West.
Ward: Yeah, it's-it's-it's, uh, it's very unfortunate.
I'll tell ya, Adam Well, you guys have met Adam.
- Anybody work here? - Oh! - West: Hello there! - Flanagan: Adam West.
Ooh, lookie.
It's almost life size! He was so much fun to work with, and such a sense of humor! People say, "Well, what is Adam really like when he's not, you know, when he's not filming as Batman?" And I tell people, "He's exactly the same! There's no difference!" Adam was, like, you know, very stoic, very grand.
I mean, he told me that he really understood what it was like to play Batman when he watched Charlton Heston play Moses.
[Laughter.]
There have been many incarnations of Batman, but you never forget your first Batman, and my first Batman was Adam West, God rest his soul, played the great Batman, and Burt Ward played his young sidekick, Dick Grayson, slash, Robin, the Boy Wonder.
They took the fun and joy of that era of comic books off the page and brought it to real life.
My moral barometer came from watching "Batman.
" Be good, trust in your friends, help others, be a hero, not a villain.
So, this show is a massive part of my childhood, and a big reason why comic book culture and movies mean so much to me.
And for me, I'm the kid that never grew up, never will, and so the two of us together, you know, you would think so-so opposite, right? But our humor is the same.
And when I met him, ten minutes before the screen test that we did together, back in July of 1965, in five minutes, the two of us were laughing.
I mean, and we've never stopped laughing for more than 50 years.
That's great.
Did you have a favorite "Batman" TV show villain? Y-you know, people ask all the time, that, but it's like, every week, we had some superstar on "Batman.
" I mean, Joan Collins, you know, The Siren, Burgess Meredith, The Penguin, Frank Gorshin, The Riddler, Julie Newmar, Catwoman, Cesar Romero, The Joker, Vincent Price, Egghead.
These are superstars, and I-I just had the best time doing it.
A piece of trivia for you.
Bruce Lee's first film fight scene of his career was fighting me.
Guest superhero, Green Hornet.
Ward: Right, right.
And-and he probably became the most famous film martial artist in the world.
I mean, it was just it was a great time.
And so many people loved the show.
We had a lot of fun with Burt Ward regaling us with his stories, but it was time to check out our setup for the cosplay contest, and he had a little issue about the way we had the dog bowls arranged.
Walt No disrespect, but this is all wrong.
You never wanna put water or food in a bowl on the ground, ever, because it is more stressful for a dog to lean down and eat at every single meal.
Let-let me show ya.
Okay? So, you got a dog here like this, right? Well, I mean, if this dog has to bend down to eat, that's really bad for the dog.
Robin on all fours in the Stash? If anybody walked in and saw that, they'd be like, "They don't treat their friends very well here!" Ward: There, that's about right.
There we go.
We have this food.
It's called Gentle Giants, all right? So let's give 'em a good amount.
And with our food, it's the only food designed for dogs to self-regulate how much they eat.
My dog eats mostly just potato chips.
No good? [Laughter.]
You eat mostly potato chips? - What do you think? - Yeah! Ward: Oh, well Our first contestant is Merlee, dressed as Spider-man.
Lulu as Wonder Woman! Nixie, who is dressed as, oh, my gosh, Robin, the Boy Wonder?! - [Dog growls.]
- [Dog barks.]
[Dog whimpers.]
[Dog panting.]
- [Dog howls.]
- So, it's the day of the Stash's doggie cosplay contest, we're in our costumes, and I get the honor of introducing to the crowd our special judge, Burt Ward.
[Applause.]
It is great to be here.
I am so glad all of you came for such an incredibly worthwhile cause.
My wife and I have operated, for the last 23 years, the largest giant breed dog rescue in the world, it's called Gentle Giants, and in 23 years, we've rescued more than 15,500 dogs and found each and every one a safe, loving home.
So, let's get goin'! [Applause.]
All right, our first contestant is Merlee, dressed as Spider-man! Oh, my gosh! Zapcic: Can you show us how Merlee would climb up the side of a wall like the real Spider-man would? Dog owner: Come on, up! [Cheers, applause.]
Ward: Wrigley, dressed as Wonder Woman! Look at that! Chen: Is-is Wrigley able to do the famous Wonder Women spin as seen in the Lynda Carter TV show? Spin.
[Cheers, applause.]
Very good! Bodacious, as Supergirl! Banner, dressed as Deadpool.
Zapcic: Deadpool is known to be horribly disfigured under the mask.
[Laughter.]
We will unmask Deadpool.
Aw! [Applause.]
Not horribly disfigured [Laughter.]
Ward: All right, next is Nixie, who is dressed as, oh, my gosh, Robin, the Boy Wonder?! Now, I'm gonna be a little critical of that one! Oh, my gosh! Oh, look at that.
She doesn't like wearing the cape, and neither do I.
[Laughter.]
All right, moving right along, April Moon, as Chi Power.
Flanagan: I don't remember what issue Chi Power first appeared in.
Owner: They haven't been in any issues.
- I made them up.
- Flanagan: Oh, okay.
- So, is it your own superhero creation? - I made them up! - I unleashed my inner superhero.
- Flanagan: Oh! - [Laughter.]
- I love it! Our next contestant is Pug, a pug named Pug, as Aquaman! [Laughter, applause.]
Lulu, as Wonder Woman! Betty White, dressed as Battle Cat and He-Man! He's got a very unique interpretation.
Why, thank you, Burt Ward.
Well, thank you, citizen.
[Laughter.]
Oh, my goodness.
Layla and Ali, dressed as Pink Power Ranger and Blue Power Ranger.
Uh, a group of putties has just appeared in the store to destroy all our comics.
Show us how they would fight them off.
- Oh! - [Laughter.]
Ward: Very good.
[Applause.]
Great.
We have one final contestant, guys.
Oh, my.
Scampi, as The Incredible Hulk.
In the comics, The Hulk travels by jumping.
Can you show us? Come on.
[Cheers, applause.]
There we go.
Excellent.
Well, thank you very much for coming.
We-we guys, we got a hard decision to make! So, the contest was over, we had seen all the contestants, and it was time to pick three finalists, so, you know, all the judges, uh, huddled together and it was a heated debate.
I like the pants on The Hulk.
The purple pants.
- Yes.
- That was a great touch even though it didn't cover anything up.
When Spider-man climbed the wall.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- Ward: Yeah, I thought that was good.
- Chen: Good.
Great.
Maybe I'm prejudiced, but I kinda liked the Robin, too.
Chen: Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, you are kind of prejudiced there, Burt.
- Ward: I mean, he did have the mask.
I thought he had forgotten the mask, but he did have it.
They all lose, 'cause there's no Underdog.
Ward: This is tough.
Not as easy as you'd think.
[ Tense music.]
Let's get our contestants back up and-and pick our three finalists.
Flanagan: This period of my life, I've never been more amped, like I was on crack, especially when this issue was comin' out.
Oh, yeah.
It's time to announce our winner! Are you guys ready?! [ Dramatic music.]
Can you tell us just what it was like to play the Boy Wonder, uh, you know, for those seasons and, you know, breathing life, you know, into becoming that Robin that everyone identifies with, - and - I got it.
- Burt Ward.
- Calm down! First of all, let me just tell you about getting the role, okay? There was 1,100 young guys interviewed for this role, and when they selected me, the producer said to me, "Burt, would you like to know why we hired you to play, you know, Robin?" I said, "Sure.
" He said, "Because in our minds, suppose there really was a Robin, in our mind, you would be it.
So, we don't want you to, quote, act, we really just want you to be yourself, and be enthusiastic.
" That's exactly what I did.
Now, it was a lot of fun, but it was a horrendous costume.
So hot and uncomfortable, and stuff like that.
I should've brought it so you guys could put it on.
I mean, you would understand, man was not built for tights.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: How you doin'? - How you doin', sir? - Good.
I saw the "New Teen Titans Tale of Teen Titans", the first appearance of Nightwing.
Can I look at it? Flanagan: Absolutely.
Could you grab this gentleman a "New Teen Titans" number 44 off the wall, please? Excellent choice.
Uh, one of my all-time favorite comics, one of my all-time favorite comic book series.
The first appearance of a new identity for Dick Grayson, Robin, becoming Nightwing, and the first time a sidekick would graduate to become his own hero.
Buyer: Exactly, that's why he's one of my favorite characters.
Let me take the sticker off so you can get a closer look at it.
- I like Batman - Mm-hmm.
but you can't get better than someone, you know, becoming independent of their parent.
- Zapcic: Right.
- You know.
Chen: What was the catalyst? Why'd he jump from Robin to Nightwing? Batman actually fired him from being Robin because he said, "Robin belongs with Batman, and if you can't give me your full attention, then you're fired.
" You're-you think a guy could, you know, maybe leave or get fired from a position and then, like, go on to become a badass? Not you.
You're thinkin' I'm gonna fire you and you're going to go on to become a badass? No.
It goes from dumbass to unemployed dumbass.
- [Laughter.]
- That's about where it ends.
Dick Grayson, who was Robin, the leader of the New Teen Titans, feels that he's grown beyond the little green shorts and the little elf shoes.
Smith: Like, finally, he separates from Dad, so to speak.
That's a storyline that a lot of people reading at that point, could really identify with.
Suddenly, Batman, who is like, our hero in this day and age, back then they were like, "That's your grandpa's hero, now Nightwing's where it's at.
" [Laughter.]
At this point, 1984, "New Teen Titans" was outselling every DC title.
It was outselling Superman, it was outselling Batman.
This period of my life, I've never been more amped, like I was on crack, - especially when this issue was comin' out.
- Zapcic: Oh, yeah.
I mean, we're lookin' at a really nice copy, very significant issue, and that's why, uh, you know this bad boy's gettin' 100 bucks right now.
$99.
99.
Buyer: I've seen this book, uh, better condition than this - Better condition? - for less.
- For less? - Yeah.
$60.
Naw, I-I couldn't go that low.
I mean, $85? Buyer: Is it possible we could do $75? All right.
I'll do $75.
- Okay.
- $75, it is.
All right.
We just had a sale of a wall book, fellas! - [Triangle clanging.]
- [Slide whistle warbling.]
- Wooh! - Wall book sale! - [Applause.]
- Congratulations.
Thank you.
Maybe I might come in and get another wall book.
- [Chuckling.]
- Thanks! Flanagan: So, we got our three finalists, and it's time for Burt Ward to announce who'll be the first ever Secret Stash K-9 Cosplay winner.
Here are our three finalists.
Merlee, dressed as Spider-man! Whoa! April Moon, dressed as Chi Power! All right.
Layla and Ali, dressed as Pink Power Ranger and Blue Power Ranger! Uh, it's time to announce our winner! Are you guys ready?! Uh, hard decision.
All three, look at that.
But our winner today [ Dramatic music.]
is Layla and Ali, Pink Power Ranger and Blue Power Ranger! [Applause.]
The dachsies won?! Dachsies should always win in life.
They're so damned adorable.
Man, that's good to hear.
I'm not a big Power Rangers buddy, but I love dachshunds, so put 'em in a costume, they're the winner.
Well, I'd like to, of course, thank everyone for coming out and making the first annual Secret Stash K-9 Cosplay Contest a super fantastic success, and most of all, I'd like to thank our celebrity judge, Mr.
Burt Ward.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thanks for coming out, friends.
Wowie zowie! To the Batmobile! - [Laughter.]
- [Applause.]
Holy costumed canines, Batman, the show's over.
For "Comic Book Men", I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Atomic battery to power.
Turbines to speed.
Goodnight, old chums.