Mad Men s07e08 Episode Script
Severance
_ I've never worn mink before.
It's chinchilla.
And it costs $15,000.
How does that make you feel? Nervous.
You're not supposed to talk.
Show me how you feel.
Walk over to the mirror.
Look at yourself.
You like what you see.
Don't open the whole coat.
Just try and make it look like you're just wearing the fur.
Very good.
Now, I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath.
And when I tell you, you're gonna put your leg up on that chair, let the coat slide down, and show me how smooth your skin is.
I remember when I was a little girl our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up in his arms and raced through the burning building onto the pavement.
And I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over, I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire?" Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends then let's keep dancing Very good, Cindy.
Thank you very much, Cindy.
We'll let you know.
If that's all there is So, what happened? Well, no woman, even living in that shithole, wants a toaster for her birthday.
- Can you freshen this? - Yeah.
And Abigail wasn't shy.
- That's your mother? - Stepmother.
So she put the toaster in the middle of the table and all the boarders come down for breakfast, see it.
They weren't particularly impressed.
And every day one of them would trip over that wire and yank it off the table.
Don't go back there.
A lot of roaches.
- Are you surprised? - Only by the size.
There was one making a phone call.
Get up, I want my seat back.
Now, toasters were indestructible back then, except for the cord, which was suffering from being yanked out of the wall every morning.
My Uncle Mack was cheap and thought he could fix things.
So he wrapped a piece of copper wire around it.
And, sure enough, he plugged it in and it blew him into the parlor.
He was unconscious.
All the boarders got up, ran to his aid, but Abigail didn't move.
She just looked down at him and said, "Happy birthday.
" Then put the kettle on.
He loves to tell stories about how poor he was.
But he's not anymore.
Is that your way of saying you want me to get the check? Hey, Mildred Pierce, can I get the check? - Come on.
- Be polite.
Oh.
Can I get you something else? No, just the check.
And do you have anything by John Dos Passos? I'm sorry about my friend.
He's Witty.
Do I know you? I don't think so.
She's a little old for NYU.
$11.
60.
You must have had a lot of hash browns, sweetheart.
Probably only eats once a week.
Let's split it five ways.
No, I think I owe someone an apology.
That ought to do it.
That's $100.
Well, I suppose I'm gonna have to drop one of you off.
You decide who.
Don.
Let's go.
Good evening, Mr.
Draper.
- Who am I speaking with? - It's Joanne.
You have four messages.
At 7:30, Laura called and said she has a photo shoot in the morning, so don't call after 11:00.
- What time is it? - It's 10 past, but she called again at 8:00 and said midnight was fine.
What else? 9:30, Maxine called.
She met you two weeks ago at "Cosmopolitan" and remains intrigued by your proposition.
And last, at 10:00, Tricia from TWA.
She's on a layover.
And what are you doing tonight, Joanne? You're very funny, Mr.
Draper.
Give me Tricia's number.
So glad you could make it.
O'Hare's a mess.
They canceled everything, so it seemed to be fate.
You look ravishing.
I feel a little underdressed.
Where were you tonight? No, it's true.
On every single flight, there's always one blanket that's completely soaked in urine.
- In first class? - Oh, yes.
Oh! I'm sorry.
It's your fault.
You scared me.
Do you have a towel? Don't do that.
Another woman you're sleeping with? No, that's the woman I'm not sleeping with.
My ex-wife.
Hanes calls them L'eggs.
They're crap.
They're definitely not as high-quality as Topaz.
Well, they're in four test markets and they're outspending you six to one.
And they're outselling you 20 to one.
It's more than the packaging.
It's the placement.
They're not just selling them in drug stores.
They're focusing on supermarkets.
And they're only $1.
39 a pair.
So what, we need to lower our price and buy more ad time? This is only a novelty and the inferior quality will catch up with them.
But we're recommending a change right now while it sorts itself out.
Look, I know you think I'm cheap.
And I know you think Topaz are cheap-- although, apparently, not cheap enough-- but I just want to spend money where it'll make a difference.
They got an egg.
Why don't we have a topaz? Big plastic jewel.
Green.
Maybe it's see-through.
And Mr.
Potato Head here can relax 'cause he'll still make his quota when we launch it.
I'd never recommend imitation as a strategy.
You'll be second, which is very far from first.
Whose fault is that? I told you about the development of this product and you didn't seem worried at all.
Art, Marvin, are you ready for lunch? Yes, I am, Kenneth.
We had a problem, but we solved it.
Well, that's great to hear.
What do we do? We keep the client.
How was the party? David Bailey wants to take your picture.
Well, I have plans tonight, so I'll be leaving at 5:00 on the dot and I don't want to hear about it.
- Wake me in-- - You have casting in an hour.
Great.
You have lunch plans? Just coffee if the wait's not too long.
No, I just thought I'm going to the coffee shop, so I could pick you up something.
Mathis, you're pouring coffee.
I just wanted to ask you about something.
You want a raise? Stop acting like a secretary.
This has nothing to do with work.
My brother-in-law is in town and I thought you could join Julie and I for dinner.
He's very handsome.
The whole family is.
- You're setting me up? - He has a car.
It's very sweet, but I really have to question your judgment.
You know, you're a catch.
Thank you, but how could you think this has nothing to do with work? I told my wife that and she said it wouldn't matter because she has a knack for this.
What happens if I take you up on this offer and it goes badly or he's homely or anything happens good or bad? Did you think about that? No, I didn't anticipate any of this, I'll be honest with you.
I appreciate it, but no, thank you.
Tell Julie she's very thoughtful.
Are you auditioning? I tried to arrange a meeting, but Meredith explained how much work you have to do.
We met with Topaz and had the unpleasant conversation.
And their solution was a knockoff topaz container, green.
What was our solution? We don't have one.
The irony is they're being pushed out of the bottom of the market.
What's the top of the market, department stores? Yeah, but they're a drug store brand.
That's what Topaz is.
So they're not called Topaz anymore.
Tell them their idea for new packaging was good, but the new packaging should say Macy's.
That's going to be tough when department stores are being blown up by radicals every day.
You know these two.
People haven't stopped shopping.
So all I have to do is sign Macy's.
Piece of cake.
Doesn't McCann represent Marshall Field's? Remind them it's a two-way street.
Phil was in plastics and he's going to metals.
And Greg was in metals and he's going to marketing and advertising, which is my old job.
That means that Tom Schaeffer is now head of plastics at Dow Chemical.
Good for him.
Good for you.
Now's a good time.
He's still not up.
Oh.
Never wake a sleeping baby.
I want to see him.
Oh, what's that? We don't want you to think of this as retirement, we want you to think of it as the beginning of your professional career.
I don't know what to say.
You say, "Jack Nicklaus, out of my way.
I've got better clubs.
" I'm very touched.
Ever since your mother passed away, I haven't really enjoyed anything.
Honestly, Ed.
He thinks he's a comedian.
I'm just glad there's something that will get him out of the house besides that boat.
Who says I'm going to be in the house? I've got a lot of time to make up for.
Daddy, I'm so glad.
I mean, most of the men my age have had a couple of heart attacks.
I'm still young enough to enjoy things.
New things, even.
I've started cooking.
Actually made myself a-- what is it, honey? A Pop-Tart, Ed.
It was very good.
Next.
This is another girl.
Rachel? I'm supposed to tell you you missed your flight.
Thank you.
Rachel.
Yes? You're not just smooth, you're Wilkinson smooth.
Back to work.
Is it morning? No.
Go back to sleep.
Sorry, did I wake you? It's okay.
Did Eddie wake up again? My dad is so old.
Don't worry about him.
He is going to have a ball.
Why did he wait so long to do that? Honey, he loved his job.
But you don't.
You're bored and angry because you know in your heart it's not what you want to do.
I should never tell you anything.
And I haven't gotten any writing done in a long time.
So start now.
You've done very well.
And let's stop pretending like I wasn't born with plenty.
You could quit your job.
We could buy that farm.
You could write your book.
What book? Something sad and sweet.
For all the people who don't have the guts to live their dream.
Why don't you write a book? You gave them your eye.
Don't give them the rest of your life.
Your father was a cog in a giant machine that makes weapons and poison.
And you sell them.
I'm proud of the company! And if nothing else, I'd like to wait and see if I get that raise.
There's always another hurdle.
You're not listening to me at all! - You're late.
- It's five after.
Casting always starts on time.
Can't you smell the cheap perfume? Can you call Rachel Katz at Menken's Department Store? No, you know what? Set a meeting.
The number's in the Rolodex.
It's regarding Topaz Pantyhose.
Of course.
Well, you're not the landing party we expected.
What can we do for you? Well, as I was telling David here on the phone, L'eggs Pantyhose is an unstoppable foe in the affordable pantyhose marketplace.
Our client, Topaz Pantyhose, has the high quality to wear a department store name.
It is a growing and lucrative product.
And in three months, L'eggs has sold a year's worth.
So they're worried that L'eggs are gonna spread all over the world? That wouldn't bother me at all.
We were hoping that McCann-Erickson could provide, at the minimum, an introduction to your department store clients so we can assess their desire for a store brand.
I know they'd be happy to meet you.
Especially Dan Higgins.
He loves redheads.
Would you be able to tell him what's so special about your panties? The benefits are listed there.
But, basically, they're more sheer, softer, and more like silk to the touch, yet still very strong.
So you can pull them down over and over? You can wear them quite a few times before they run or lose shape.
Oh.
- Do you wear them, Joan? - I do.
Well, if you talk to Dan, I'd start with that.
Well, I think anyone would be equally interested in the price-per-unit, which could be reduced significantly if the demand were higher.
Why aren't you in the brassiere business? Excuse me? You should be in the bra business.
You're a work of art.
What she's saying is that wider distribution would mean bigger ad budgets for us.
Well, I'd set a lunch, but I think a dinner would be better.
And warm him up first.
Send a basket of pears to Marshall Field's.
The one thing Dan likes is a nice pear.
This guy.
What are their billings? If you'd take a look at the sheet there again Oh, yeah.
Give us a minute.
Let's read this thing.
Where were you? Shirley, you're not gonna believe this, but I walked to work today.
Mr.
Sterling and Mr.
Donnelly are here.
They just walked in.
You wanted to see me? You know Ferguson Donnelly from McCann.
Of course.
Ferg.
- Good to see you.
- Been a while.
Is this about the Topaz department store route? I think it's a great idea.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Did you send Ed Baxter a $200 set of MacGregor golf clubs from the firm? Actually, I hand-delivered it.
It was a retirement gift.
Huh, well, I've got some bad news for you.
Pete's gonna take over Dow.
Because of the clubs? No, because McCann doesn't want you on the business.
Just because Ed's retiring doesn't mean I can't get along with his replacement.
I know Greg from metals.
I don't care if you know a girl from Kalamazoo.
We don't want you on the business because we don't want you on any business.
Look, Ferg, you're not still mad at me for leaving? That was six years ago.
And you never hired me anyway.
When you bought Puttnam Powell & Lowe, I came with the furniture.
People come in and out of our doors all the time, Ken, but they don't walk out with $4 million of Birds Eye products.
Of course they do.
Fine.
They don't walk around the office like their shit doesn't stink.
And then go out and tell the world we're what, a bunch of black Irish thugs.
So you're gonna fire me because I hurt Ferg's feelings? It's what he is.
Look at him.
How about a little dignity? You're firing me! Yes, but you're gonna get a generous severance package if you help Pete secure all of your accounts.
Including Dow.
Roger said he'd be glad to recommend you.
Thank you, Roger.
I appreciate your loyalty.
Should we get lunch? I want to burn this place down.
I know.
They were awful.
But at least we got a yes.
Would you have rather had a friendly no? I don't expect you to understand.
Joan, you've never experienced that before? Have you, Peggy? I don't know.
You can't have it both ways.
- You can't dress the way you do and expect-- - How do I dress? Look, they didn't take me seriously, either.
So what you're saying is I don't dress the way you do because I don't look like you.
And that's very, very true.
You know what? You're filthy rich.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
How was the cattle call? We have to have another session.
You're shameless, you know that? Do I have a lunch today? No, but you have a busy afternoon.
Oh, I scheduled a meeting next Monday with Mr.
Rosenthal at Menken's Department Store.
Mrs.
Katz didn't want to meet? Well, it was a very awkward conversation because apparently she stepped down a few months ago and passed away last week.
What? Rachel Katz? Yes.
Well, I'm sorry to tell you that.
Last week? I had no intention of upsetting you.
How old was she? I don't know.
Younger than me.
From the name I just pictured some old lady.
I had no idea.
If you'd like, they've asked that in lieu of flowers, you can send a donation to the National Jewish Hospital at Denver.
Do you want to do that? No.
Yes, sure.
I'm going to run down and get you a sandwich.
I'm shoving off.
Need anything else? No.
Ahem, Mathis.
Yes? Well, if it helps you get back into your wife's good graces, I had a cancellation and I'd love to join you for dinner tomorrow night.
Shoot, we already made other plans.
Oh.
Well, it wasn't meant to be.
Stevie doesn't need to come with us.
I'll sell his ticket.
Stevie? How old is he? I don't know, 30? - I don't know.
- Ugh, can I go? Give him my number.
Tell him to call me.
Okay.
- You want a menu? - Just coffee.
And could you get her attention for me? Di, just coffee for him.
Evening.
Can I help you? You look so familiar to me.
Do I know you from somewhere? Yes, from here.
The other night.
No.
I think I know you.
You don't need a line.
I know why you're here.
And it's not for a cup of coffee.
Vi, I'm taking my break.
My name is Don.
Excuse me, miss.
When are you done here? You got your $100's worth.
You can go.
- Have fun last night? - Yes, I did.
He's very handsome, I'll tell you that much.
Don.
Don.
- Are you okay? - I'm done.
McCann told Roger to do it.
And, boy, did Roger do it.
They want me to giftwrap all my accounts and give them to Pete.
I'm calling Jim Hobart right now.
You're the head of accounts.
Do you want to hear something spooky? Don't do anything rash, Ken.
It's just a job.
No, my father-in-law retires and my wife says, "I want you to quit.
You're wasting your life.
You should write that novel.
" And you know what? I think I was gonna do it.
And the very next day, they fire me.
Can you believe that? No.
That's not a coincidence.
That's a sign.
Of what? The life not lived.
So that's good? Yeah.
It's great.
Now I just have to figure out how to drag myself through those doors.
Joan, you have a call from Dennis.
- Dennis who? - I'm not sure.
His girl just said Dennis.
He's at McCann-Erickson.
It's Dennis Ford.
Should I put him through? No.
Tell him I'm in a meeting.
So Clara just left? She was as big as a house.
Is Torkelson going to marry her? He's probably just looking the other way.
People do that around here all the time.
I swear I found out after you did.
It came from McCann.
So did your millions of dollars.
You know, I didn't really get millions of dollars.
I mean, eventually, but stepped out in smaller increments to stay under that top tax threshold.
I might have to buy an apartment building to hold onto any of it.
And then I've got to be a landlord.
Sounds like a real pain in the ass.
Look, I was caught by surprise.
But I didn't know your history with McCann.
What did you do over there? I never fit in.
I'm not Irish.
I'm not Catholic.
I can read.
Well, it's good you're playing ball or you'd have no future.
In advertising maybe.
You have other plans? Well, I may have let it go for a while, but damned if I don't have something to write about now.
No, this world is boring.
You should write an adventure story.
I mean, do you know how great you're gonna look on a book jacket? I've thought about it.
I'm a hell of a lot better at it than I ever was at this.
Good for you.
I'm envious.
I thought I was really changing my life when I went out to California.
Of course, now it sort of feels like a dream.
But at the time, it felt so real.
Well, that's you, I guess.
I know.
Look, here I am.
And you know what? If you get tired of the writing, I hope you know you can always use my name.
I have nothing but good things to say about you.
I appreciate that.
Jesus, Fillmore Auto Parts? You trying to give me stuff we don't even have anymore? This is the same as the navy one.
Well, don't tell Oscar de la Renta because the navy one is $159.
I can wear boots with that.
You know what? I'll take the boots and the tan heels, the chiffon, the red, and this one.
Didn't you used to work here? Because you can probably still get the discount.
That's tempting, but I think you have me confused with someone else.
Could you? Ted wants to see you.
Send him in.
Just got off the phone with Wilkinson.
They've narrowed it down to three girls.
They want me to send over the binder, but there's 120 Polaroids in here.
It's just gonna make things worse.
What can I say? They're perverts.
They love casting.
They can't decide? Use them all.
There are three women in every man's life.
You did not just think that up.
Fine, I've had it for years, but I really think it works here.
You'd rather find new creative than pick a girl? Speaking of which, "Vogue" is throwing a party in the Village tonight.
Cocktails at my apartment.
It's right around the corner.
Apparently, hemlines are going up.
What time? - I'm leaving now.
- Okay.
So, you're from Atlanta? No, I just went to school there.
Emory, it's the only game in town.
How about you? Me? Oh, no.
I didn't go to college.
I went right to work.
I was a secretary.
That's interesting.
Is it? Ah, here we go.
Oh, this smells delicious.
It does.
Didn't you order lasagna? This is just as good.
Do you want my cannelloni? It's like lasagna.
More than veal, anyway.
Are you trying to make this more complicated? I don't know why you're eating something you didn't order.
Do you like veal? What am I supposed to do? Send it back like a prima donna? So you're just gonna eat someone else's dinner? So I can either be a jerk and send it back, or eat it and look weak.
I don't want this to get cold.
Johnny said you were the kind of girl who doesn't put up with things.
Really? What else did Mathis say? He said you were funny.
And that you were fearless.
I love veal.
Excuse me.
Can I help you? Should I take my shoes off? No, that's just for the mourners.
I just wanted to pay my respects.
I worked with Rachel.
At the store? I'm Barbara, her sister.
I'm Don Draper.
I'm in advertising.
Oh.
I know who you are.
Excuse me, do you mind? We need one more for our minyan.
I'd be glad to help.
He can't.
He's not Jewish.
Okay.
I'll go and knock on some doors.
You shouldn't do it.
Let one of them do it.
Barbara, they're my neighbors.
We're sitting shiva.
It's a seven-day memorial period after the funeral.
I've lived in New York a long time.
I brought cake.
You did.
So, how is your family? I got divorced.
And I got remarried, actually.
You left your wife for her? No, it didn't work out that way.
I'm actually getting divorced again.
I'm sorry.
Are those her children? Yes.
When's the last time you spoke to her? Years ago.
Before them.
What happened to her? She had leukemia.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what you're looking for here.
I guess I just wanted to find out what was happening in her life.
She lived the life she wanted to live.
She had everything.
Good.
I have to help.
I'm sorry.
Johnny Mathis.
How many times has he shown up and people have been disappointed? "You are not Johnny Mathis.
" I've never thought of that.
You don't seem like a lawyer.
Well, I just left a firm in Boston because they felt the same way.
I once quit a job because I wanted to go to Paris.
Do they do that in advertising? Sure.
We shoot commercials abroad all the time.
Well, some people do.
So all you have to do is write something in Paris and you can go.
Am I wrong? Yes.
That's not how it works.
Well, next vacation.
I haven't taken a vacation well, never.
You know what? Let's go.
Sure.
Where? To Paris.
Let's go to Paris.
Right now.
You think you're kidding around, - but I don't have a job.
- I'm not kidding.
Okay.
I'm getting the check.
And I'm getting my coat.
I can't find it.
I've never actually used it.
You've never used your passport? - Stop.
- What? Why? Flight's not till 6:00.
I hate to disappoint you, but I don't need that much time.
I can't believe this.
I can't find my passport.
It's okay.
This is a romantic spot.
Stevie.
I'm sorry, but what were we going to do in Paris? I thought you were a fling, but now I think maybe you're more.
I don't want to sleep with you on the night we first met.
That's so old-fashioned.
I've tried new-fashioned.
Well, if I have to go back to Boston I don't even know if I'm going to get this job.
Don't you worry.
I am going to find that passport.
We can go next weekend.
I have an interview in DC next weekend.
How about the weekend after? Perfect.
You really want me to go now? Just call me when you get back from DC.
I will.
Good.
10 days ago with my report to the nation on Vietnam, I announced the decision to withdraw an additional 150,000 Americans from Vietnam over the next year.
I said then that I was making that decision despite our concern over increased enemy activity in Laos.
I've secured Birds Eye.
I think Ferguson Donnelly is one happy man.
More like a man and a half.
As my father would say, he really puts the mick in McCann.
Ken's here for the meeting.
- Did you invite him? - To this meeting? Oh, hello, Pete.
Roger, I just wanted to let you know I won't be collecting severance.
You got another job? Good for you.
But you're still entitled.
It wouldn't be right.
My signing bonus from Dow is so big, it feels like a second helping.
What the hell are you talking about? See, I wasn't just Ed's son-in-law.
They actually value their relationships.
Well, I suppose they need a guy in fertilizer.
I'm taking Tom Schaeffer's old post.
Head of advertising.
So you're going to fire us? No, it's going to be way worse than that.
I'm going to be your client.
And I hate to tell you, but I'm very hard to please.
Until we meet again.
Shit.
Taking Fleischmann's Margarine to the studio.
If you want changes, we got to talk now.
Sure, fine, just keep your voice down.
I commandeered these.
Sounds like you had quite a night.
It was nice.
With who? She's going to Europe with my brother-in-law.
You know, Julie and I went to Paris on our honeymoon if you need any recommendations.
I don't know where I'm going, but you have work to do.
Paris, huh? Where margarine was invented.
Wow.
First date magic.
I had too much wine and I totally embarrassed myself.
Sounds like you had a good time.
I'm not going to get on a plane with somebody I barely know.
But you'd get to know him.
Sounds like fun.
It's nothing a couple of Aspirin won't fix.
Meredith, I'm leaving for the day.
I got a little research for your meeting.
Mr.
Rosenthal is first thing Monday morning.
- Who? - Mr.
Rosenthal.
From Menken's Department Store.
Pantyhose.
Thank you.
I've got this.
Hello.
I don't know why you're here, but that's not going to happen again.
Wait.
What? I had this dream about a woman I once knew.
And I found out the next day she had just died.
Is that who you think I am? No, I don't think so.
Well, I want you to think very carefully about when you really had that dream, because when people die, everything gets mixed up.
I don't know.
Maybe.
Maybe you dreamt about her all the time.
Maybe.
When someone dies, you just want to make sense out of it.
But you can't.
I'm not saying this to lead you on or make you more interested, but the next time you come in here, please bring a date.
I just work here.
I just want to sit here.
Okay.
And then I fell in love with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We'd take long walks down by the river, or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.
We were so very much in love.
And then one day, you went away.
And I thought I'd die, but I didn't.
And when I didn't, I said to myself, "Is that all there is to love?" Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends then let's keep I know what you must be saying to yourselves "If that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?" Oh, no, not me I'm not ready for that final disappointment 'cause I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you that when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my last breath I'll be saying to myself Is that all there is?
It's chinchilla.
And it costs $15,000.
How does that make you feel? Nervous.
You're not supposed to talk.
Show me how you feel.
Walk over to the mirror.
Look at yourself.
You like what you see.
Don't open the whole coat.
Just try and make it look like you're just wearing the fur.
Very good.
Now, I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath.
And when I tell you, you're gonna put your leg up on that chair, let the coat slide down, and show me how smooth your skin is.
I remember when I was a little girl our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up in his arms and raced through the burning building onto the pavement.
And I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over, I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire?" Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends then let's keep dancing Very good, Cindy.
Thank you very much, Cindy.
We'll let you know.
If that's all there is So, what happened? Well, no woman, even living in that shithole, wants a toaster for her birthday.
- Can you freshen this? - Yeah.
And Abigail wasn't shy.
- That's your mother? - Stepmother.
So she put the toaster in the middle of the table and all the boarders come down for breakfast, see it.
They weren't particularly impressed.
And every day one of them would trip over that wire and yank it off the table.
Don't go back there.
A lot of roaches.
- Are you surprised? - Only by the size.
There was one making a phone call.
Get up, I want my seat back.
Now, toasters were indestructible back then, except for the cord, which was suffering from being yanked out of the wall every morning.
My Uncle Mack was cheap and thought he could fix things.
So he wrapped a piece of copper wire around it.
And, sure enough, he plugged it in and it blew him into the parlor.
He was unconscious.
All the boarders got up, ran to his aid, but Abigail didn't move.
She just looked down at him and said, "Happy birthday.
" Then put the kettle on.
He loves to tell stories about how poor he was.
But he's not anymore.
Is that your way of saying you want me to get the check? Hey, Mildred Pierce, can I get the check? - Come on.
- Be polite.
Oh.
Can I get you something else? No, just the check.
And do you have anything by John Dos Passos? I'm sorry about my friend.
He's Witty.
Do I know you? I don't think so.
She's a little old for NYU.
$11.
60.
You must have had a lot of hash browns, sweetheart.
Probably only eats once a week.
Let's split it five ways.
No, I think I owe someone an apology.
That ought to do it.
That's $100.
Well, I suppose I'm gonna have to drop one of you off.
You decide who.
Don.
Let's go.
Good evening, Mr.
Draper.
- Who am I speaking with? - It's Joanne.
You have four messages.
At 7:30, Laura called and said she has a photo shoot in the morning, so don't call after 11:00.
- What time is it? - It's 10 past, but she called again at 8:00 and said midnight was fine.
What else? 9:30, Maxine called.
She met you two weeks ago at "Cosmopolitan" and remains intrigued by your proposition.
And last, at 10:00, Tricia from TWA.
She's on a layover.
And what are you doing tonight, Joanne? You're very funny, Mr.
Draper.
Give me Tricia's number.
So glad you could make it.
O'Hare's a mess.
They canceled everything, so it seemed to be fate.
You look ravishing.
I feel a little underdressed.
Where were you tonight? No, it's true.
On every single flight, there's always one blanket that's completely soaked in urine.
- In first class? - Oh, yes.
Oh! I'm sorry.
It's your fault.
You scared me.
Do you have a towel? Don't do that.
Another woman you're sleeping with? No, that's the woman I'm not sleeping with.
My ex-wife.
Hanes calls them L'eggs.
They're crap.
They're definitely not as high-quality as Topaz.
Well, they're in four test markets and they're outspending you six to one.
And they're outselling you 20 to one.
It's more than the packaging.
It's the placement.
They're not just selling them in drug stores.
They're focusing on supermarkets.
And they're only $1.
39 a pair.
So what, we need to lower our price and buy more ad time? This is only a novelty and the inferior quality will catch up with them.
But we're recommending a change right now while it sorts itself out.
Look, I know you think I'm cheap.
And I know you think Topaz are cheap-- although, apparently, not cheap enough-- but I just want to spend money where it'll make a difference.
They got an egg.
Why don't we have a topaz? Big plastic jewel.
Green.
Maybe it's see-through.
And Mr.
Potato Head here can relax 'cause he'll still make his quota when we launch it.
I'd never recommend imitation as a strategy.
You'll be second, which is very far from first.
Whose fault is that? I told you about the development of this product and you didn't seem worried at all.
Art, Marvin, are you ready for lunch? Yes, I am, Kenneth.
We had a problem, but we solved it.
Well, that's great to hear.
What do we do? We keep the client.
How was the party? David Bailey wants to take your picture.
Well, I have plans tonight, so I'll be leaving at 5:00 on the dot and I don't want to hear about it.
- Wake me in-- - You have casting in an hour.
Great.
You have lunch plans? Just coffee if the wait's not too long.
No, I just thought I'm going to the coffee shop, so I could pick you up something.
Mathis, you're pouring coffee.
I just wanted to ask you about something.
You want a raise? Stop acting like a secretary.
This has nothing to do with work.
My brother-in-law is in town and I thought you could join Julie and I for dinner.
He's very handsome.
The whole family is.
- You're setting me up? - He has a car.
It's very sweet, but I really have to question your judgment.
You know, you're a catch.
Thank you, but how could you think this has nothing to do with work? I told my wife that and she said it wouldn't matter because she has a knack for this.
What happens if I take you up on this offer and it goes badly or he's homely or anything happens good or bad? Did you think about that? No, I didn't anticipate any of this, I'll be honest with you.
I appreciate it, but no, thank you.
Tell Julie she's very thoughtful.
Are you auditioning? I tried to arrange a meeting, but Meredith explained how much work you have to do.
We met with Topaz and had the unpleasant conversation.
And their solution was a knockoff topaz container, green.
What was our solution? We don't have one.
The irony is they're being pushed out of the bottom of the market.
What's the top of the market, department stores? Yeah, but they're a drug store brand.
That's what Topaz is.
So they're not called Topaz anymore.
Tell them their idea for new packaging was good, but the new packaging should say Macy's.
That's going to be tough when department stores are being blown up by radicals every day.
You know these two.
People haven't stopped shopping.
So all I have to do is sign Macy's.
Piece of cake.
Doesn't McCann represent Marshall Field's? Remind them it's a two-way street.
Phil was in plastics and he's going to metals.
And Greg was in metals and he's going to marketing and advertising, which is my old job.
That means that Tom Schaeffer is now head of plastics at Dow Chemical.
Good for him.
Good for you.
Now's a good time.
He's still not up.
Oh.
Never wake a sleeping baby.
I want to see him.
Oh, what's that? We don't want you to think of this as retirement, we want you to think of it as the beginning of your professional career.
I don't know what to say.
You say, "Jack Nicklaus, out of my way.
I've got better clubs.
" I'm very touched.
Ever since your mother passed away, I haven't really enjoyed anything.
Honestly, Ed.
He thinks he's a comedian.
I'm just glad there's something that will get him out of the house besides that boat.
Who says I'm going to be in the house? I've got a lot of time to make up for.
Daddy, I'm so glad.
I mean, most of the men my age have had a couple of heart attacks.
I'm still young enough to enjoy things.
New things, even.
I've started cooking.
Actually made myself a-- what is it, honey? A Pop-Tart, Ed.
It was very good.
Next.
This is another girl.
Rachel? I'm supposed to tell you you missed your flight.
Thank you.
Rachel.
Yes? You're not just smooth, you're Wilkinson smooth.
Back to work.
Is it morning? No.
Go back to sleep.
Sorry, did I wake you? It's okay.
Did Eddie wake up again? My dad is so old.
Don't worry about him.
He is going to have a ball.
Why did he wait so long to do that? Honey, he loved his job.
But you don't.
You're bored and angry because you know in your heart it's not what you want to do.
I should never tell you anything.
And I haven't gotten any writing done in a long time.
So start now.
You've done very well.
And let's stop pretending like I wasn't born with plenty.
You could quit your job.
We could buy that farm.
You could write your book.
What book? Something sad and sweet.
For all the people who don't have the guts to live their dream.
Why don't you write a book? You gave them your eye.
Don't give them the rest of your life.
Your father was a cog in a giant machine that makes weapons and poison.
And you sell them.
I'm proud of the company! And if nothing else, I'd like to wait and see if I get that raise.
There's always another hurdle.
You're not listening to me at all! - You're late.
- It's five after.
Casting always starts on time.
Can't you smell the cheap perfume? Can you call Rachel Katz at Menken's Department Store? No, you know what? Set a meeting.
The number's in the Rolodex.
It's regarding Topaz Pantyhose.
Of course.
Well, you're not the landing party we expected.
What can we do for you? Well, as I was telling David here on the phone, L'eggs Pantyhose is an unstoppable foe in the affordable pantyhose marketplace.
Our client, Topaz Pantyhose, has the high quality to wear a department store name.
It is a growing and lucrative product.
And in three months, L'eggs has sold a year's worth.
So they're worried that L'eggs are gonna spread all over the world? That wouldn't bother me at all.
We were hoping that McCann-Erickson could provide, at the minimum, an introduction to your department store clients so we can assess their desire for a store brand.
I know they'd be happy to meet you.
Especially Dan Higgins.
He loves redheads.
Would you be able to tell him what's so special about your panties? The benefits are listed there.
But, basically, they're more sheer, softer, and more like silk to the touch, yet still very strong.
So you can pull them down over and over? You can wear them quite a few times before they run or lose shape.
Oh.
- Do you wear them, Joan? - I do.
Well, if you talk to Dan, I'd start with that.
Well, I think anyone would be equally interested in the price-per-unit, which could be reduced significantly if the demand were higher.
Why aren't you in the brassiere business? Excuse me? You should be in the bra business.
You're a work of art.
What she's saying is that wider distribution would mean bigger ad budgets for us.
Well, I'd set a lunch, but I think a dinner would be better.
And warm him up first.
Send a basket of pears to Marshall Field's.
The one thing Dan likes is a nice pear.
This guy.
What are their billings? If you'd take a look at the sheet there again Oh, yeah.
Give us a minute.
Let's read this thing.
Where were you? Shirley, you're not gonna believe this, but I walked to work today.
Mr.
Sterling and Mr.
Donnelly are here.
They just walked in.
You wanted to see me? You know Ferguson Donnelly from McCann.
Of course.
Ferg.
- Good to see you.
- Been a while.
Is this about the Topaz department store route? I think it's a great idea.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Did you send Ed Baxter a $200 set of MacGregor golf clubs from the firm? Actually, I hand-delivered it.
It was a retirement gift.
Huh, well, I've got some bad news for you.
Pete's gonna take over Dow.
Because of the clubs? No, because McCann doesn't want you on the business.
Just because Ed's retiring doesn't mean I can't get along with his replacement.
I know Greg from metals.
I don't care if you know a girl from Kalamazoo.
We don't want you on the business because we don't want you on any business.
Look, Ferg, you're not still mad at me for leaving? That was six years ago.
And you never hired me anyway.
When you bought Puttnam Powell & Lowe, I came with the furniture.
People come in and out of our doors all the time, Ken, but they don't walk out with $4 million of Birds Eye products.
Of course they do.
Fine.
They don't walk around the office like their shit doesn't stink.
And then go out and tell the world we're what, a bunch of black Irish thugs.
So you're gonna fire me because I hurt Ferg's feelings? It's what he is.
Look at him.
How about a little dignity? You're firing me! Yes, but you're gonna get a generous severance package if you help Pete secure all of your accounts.
Including Dow.
Roger said he'd be glad to recommend you.
Thank you, Roger.
I appreciate your loyalty.
Should we get lunch? I want to burn this place down.
I know.
They were awful.
But at least we got a yes.
Would you have rather had a friendly no? I don't expect you to understand.
Joan, you've never experienced that before? Have you, Peggy? I don't know.
You can't have it both ways.
- You can't dress the way you do and expect-- - How do I dress? Look, they didn't take me seriously, either.
So what you're saying is I don't dress the way you do because I don't look like you.
And that's very, very true.
You know what? You're filthy rich.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
How was the cattle call? We have to have another session.
You're shameless, you know that? Do I have a lunch today? No, but you have a busy afternoon.
Oh, I scheduled a meeting next Monday with Mr.
Rosenthal at Menken's Department Store.
Mrs.
Katz didn't want to meet? Well, it was a very awkward conversation because apparently she stepped down a few months ago and passed away last week.
What? Rachel Katz? Yes.
Well, I'm sorry to tell you that.
Last week? I had no intention of upsetting you.
How old was she? I don't know.
Younger than me.
From the name I just pictured some old lady.
I had no idea.
If you'd like, they've asked that in lieu of flowers, you can send a donation to the National Jewish Hospital at Denver.
Do you want to do that? No.
Yes, sure.
I'm going to run down and get you a sandwich.
I'm shoving off.
Need anything else? No.
Ahem, Mathis.
Yes? Well, if it helps you get back into your wife's good graces, I had a cancellation and I'd love to join you for dinner tomorrow night.
Shoot, we already made other plans.
Oh.
Well, it wasn't meant to be.
Stevie doesn't need to come with us.
I'll sell his ticket.
Stevie? How old is he? I don't know, 30? - I don't know.
- Ugh, can I go? Give him my number.
Tell him to call me.
Okay.
- You want a menu? - Just coffee.
And could you get her attention for me? Di, just coffee for him.
Evening.
Can I help you? You look so familiar to me.
Do I know you from somewhere? Yes, from here.
The other night.
No.
I think I know you.
You don't need a line.
I know why you're here.
And it's not for a cup of coffee.
Vi, I'm taking my break.
My name is Don.
Excuse me, miss.
When are you done here? You got your $100's worth.
You can go.
- Have fun last night? - Yes, I did.
He's very handsome, I'll tell you that much.
Don.
Don.
- Are you okay? - I'm done.
McCann told Roger to do it.
And, boy, did Roger do it.
They want me to giftwrap all my accounts and give them to Pete.
I'm calling Jim Hobart right now.
You're the head of accounts.
Do you want to hear something spooky? Don't do anything rash, Ken.
It's just a job.
No, my father-in-law retires and my wife says, "I want you to quit.
You're wasting your life.
You should write that novel.
" And you know what? I think I was gonna do it.
And the very next day, they fire me.
Can you believe that? No.
That's not a coincidence.
That's a sign.
Of what? The life not lived.
So that's good? Yeah.
It's great.
Now I just have to figure out how to drag myself through those doors.
Joan, you have a call from Dennis.
- Dennis who? - I'm not sure.
His girl just said Dennis.
He's at McCann-Erickson.
It's Dennis Ford.
Should I put him through? No.
Tell him I'm in a meeting.
So Clara just left? She was as big as a house.
Is Torkelson going to marry her? He's probably just looking the other way.
People do that around here all the time.
I swear I found out after you did.
It came from McCann.
So did your millions of dollars.
You know, I didn't really get millions of dollars.
I mean, eventually, but stepped out in smaller increments to stay under that top tax threshold.
I might have to buy an apartment building to hold onto any of it.
And then I've got to be a landlord.
Sounds like a real pain in the ass.
Look, I was caught by surprise.
But I didn't know your history with McCann.
What did you do over there? I never fit in.
I'm not Irish.
I'm not Catholic.
I can read.
Well, it's good you're playing ball or you'd have no future.
In advertising maybe.
You have other plans? Well, I may have let it go for a while, but damned if I don't have something to write about now.
No, this world is boring.
You should write an adventure story.
I mean, do you know how great you're gonna look on a book jacket? I've thought about it.
I'm a hell of a lot better at it than I ever was at this.
Good for you.
I'm envious.
I thought I was really changing my life when I went out to California.
Of course, now it sort of feels like a dream.
But at the time, it felt so real.
Well, that's you, I guess.
I know.
Look, here I am.
And you know what? If you get tired of the writing, I hope you know you can always use my name.
I have nothing but good things to say about you.
I appreciate that.
Jesus, Fillmore Auto Parts? You trying to give me stuff we don't even have anymore? This is the same as the navy one.
Well, don't tell Oscar de la Renta because the navy one is $159.
I can wear boots with that.
You know what? I'll take the boots and the tan heels, the chiffon, the red, and this one.
Didn't you used to work here? Because you can probably still get the discount.
That's tempting, but I think you have me confused with someone else.
Could you? Ted wants to see you.
Send him in.
Just got off the phone with Wilkinson.
They've narrowed it down to three girls.
They want me to send over the binder, but there's 120 Polaroids in here.
It's just gonna make things worse.
What can I say? They're perverts.
They love casting.
They can't decide? Use them all.
There are three women in every man's life.
You did not just think that up.
Fine, I've had it for years, but I really think it works here.
You'd rather find new creative than pick a girl? Speaking of which, "Vogue" is throwing a party in the Village tonight.
Cocktails at my apartment.
It's right around the corner.
Apparently, hemlines are going up.
What time? - I'm leaving now.
- Okay.
So, you're from Atlanta? No, I just went to school there.
Emory, it's the only game in town.
How about you? Me? Oh, no.
I didn't go to college.
I went right to work.
I was a secretary.
That's interesting.
Is it? Ah, here we go.
Oh, this smells delicious.
It does.
Didn't you order lasagna? This is just as good.
Do you want my cannelloni? It's like lasagna.
More than veal, anyway.
Are you trying to make this more complicated? I don't know why you're eating something you didn't order.
Do you like veal? What am I supposed to do? Send it back like a prima donna? So you're just gonna eat someone else's dinner? So I can either be a jerk and send it back, or eat it and look weak.
I don't want this to get cold.
Johnny said you were the kind of girl who doesn't put up with things.
Really? What else did Mathis say? He said you were funny.
And that you were fearless.
I love veal.
Excuse me.
Can I help you? Should I take my shoes off? No, that's just for the mourners.
I just wanted to pay my respects.
I worked with Rachel.
At the store? I'm Barbara, her sister.
I'm Don Draper.
I'm in advertising.
Oh.
I know who you are.
Excuse me, do you mind? We need one more for our minyan.
I'd be glad to help.
He can't.
He's not Jewish.
Okay.
I'll go and knock on some doors.
You shouldn't do it.
Let one of them do it.
Barbara, they're my neighbors.
We're sitting shiva.
It's a seven-day memorial period after the funeral.
I've lived in New York a long time.
I brought cake.
You did.
So, how is your family? I got divorced.
And I got remarried, actually.
You left your wife for her? No, it didn't work out that way.
I'm actually getting divorced again.
I'm sorry.
Are those her children? Yes.
When's the last time you spoke to her? Years ago.
Before them.
What happened to her? She had leukemia.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what you're looking for here.
I guess I just wanted to find out what was happening in her life.
She lived the life she wanted to live.
She had everything.
Good.
I have to help.
I'm sorry.
Johnny Mathis.
How many times has he shown up and people have been disappointed? "You are not Johnny Mathis.
" I've never thought of that.
You don't seem like a lawyer.
Well, I just left a firm in Boston because they felt the same way.
I once quit a job because I wanted to go to Paris.
Do they do that in advertising? Sure.
We shoot commercials abroad all the time.
Well, some people do.
So all you have to do is write something in Paris and you can go.
Am I wrong? Yes.
That's not how it works.
Well, next vacation.
I haven't taken a vacation well, never.
You know what? Let's go.
Sure.
Where? To Paris.
Let's go to Paris.
Right now.
You think you're kidding around, - but I don't have a job.
- I'm not kidding.
Okay.
I'm getting the check.
And I'm getting my coat.
I can't find it.
I've never actually used it.
You've never used your passport? - Stop.
- What? Why? Flight's not till 6:00.
I hate to disappoint you, but I don't need that much time.
I can't believe this.
I can't find my passport.
It's okay.
This is a romantic spot.
Stevie.
I'm sorry, but what were we going to do in Paris? I thought you were a fling, but now I think maybe you're more.
I don't want to sleep with you on the night we first met.
That's so old-fashioned.
I've tried new-fashioned.
Well, if I have to go back to Boston I don't even know if I'm going to get this job.
Don't you worry.
I am going to find that passport.
We can go next weekend.
I have an interview in DC next weekend.
How about the weekend after? Perfect.
You really want me to go now? Just call me when you get back from DC.
I will.
Good.
10 days ago with my report to the nation on Vietnam, I announced the decision to withdraw an additional 150,000 Americans from Vietnam over the next year.
I said then that I was making that decision despite our concern over increased enemy activity in Laos.
I've secured Birds Eye.
I think Ferguson Donnelly is one happy man.
More like a man and a half.
As my father would say, he really puts the mick in McCann.
Ken's here for the meeting.
- Did you invite him? - To this meeting? Oh, hello, Pete.
Roger, I just wanted to let you know I won't be collecting severance.
You got another job? Good for you.
But you're still entitled.
It wouldn't be right.
My signing bonus from Dow is so big, it feels like a second helping.
What the hell are you talking about? See, I wasn't just Ed's son-in-law.
They actually value their relationships.
Well, I suppose they need a guy in fertilizer.
I'm taking Tom Schaeffer's old post.
Head of advertising.
So you're going to fire us? No, it's going to be way worse than that.
I'm going to be your client.
And I hate to tell you, but I'm very hard to please.
Until we meet again.
Shit.
Taking Fleischmann's Margarine to the studio.
If you want changes, we got to talk now.
Sure, fine, just keep your voice down.
I commandeered these.
Sounds like you had quite a night.
It was nice.
With who? She's going to Europe with my brother-in-law.
You know, Julie and I went to Paris on our honeymoon if you need any recommendations.
I don't know where I'm going, but you have work to do.
Paris, huh? Where margarine was invented.
Wow.
First date magic.
I had too much wine and I totally embarrassed myself.
Sounds like you had a good time.
I'm not going to get on a plane with somebody I barely know.
But you'd get to know him.
Sounds like fun.
It's nothing a couple of Aspirin won't fix.
Meredith, I'm leaving for the day.
I got a little research for your meeting.
Mr.
Rosenthal is first thing Monday morning.
- Who? - Mr.
Rosenthal.
From Menken's Department Store.
Pantyhose.
Thank you.
I've got this.
Hello.
I don't know why you're here, but that's not going to happen again.
Wait.
What? I had this dream about a woman I once knew.
And I found out the next day she had just died.
Is that who you think I am? No, I don't think so.
Well, I want you to think very carefully about when you really had that dream, because when people die, everything gets mixed up.
I don't know.
Maybe.
Maybe you dreamt about her all the time.
Maybe.
When someone dies, you just want to make sense out of it.
But you can't.
I'm not saying this to lead you on or make you more interested, but the next time you come in here, please bring a date.
I just work here.
I just want to sit here.
Okay.
And then I fell in love with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We'd take long walks down by the river, or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.
We were so very much in love.
And then one day, you went away.
And I thought I'd die, but I didn't.
And when I didn't, I said to myself, "Is that all there is to love?" Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends then let's keep I know what you must be saying to yourselves "If that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?" Oh, no, not me I'm not ready for that final disappointment 'cause I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you that when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my last breath I'll be saying to myself Is that all there is?