Mom s07e08 Episode Script

1 (phone ringing) Hey, Christy, what's up? Hey, Mom, I'm going to the smoothie place because I've had a day that requires a smoothie.
Want one? Yeah.
But I bet my day was worse.
Not possible.
My boss gave me a contract to proof and I dropped it in a toilet.
Post-flush, but still.
Well, I had a three-hour fight with my husband with no angry silences, so it's really like a six-hour fight.
Is this a new fight or an extension of the one you were having last night? New one, but with subtle echoes of the last one.
Same theme: he doesn't listen to me.
I literally feel like a ghost.
Oh, my God.
What if you are a ghost? What if you and I had this difficult relationship and I thought we had worked it all out, but it was just your ghost? Bam.
Nobody sees that coming.
I asked him to meet me for lunch and he said "okay," but then he went to the gym.
I spent a half an hour sitting on a hard bench reading the Sonoma Acorn.
By the way, Barbara Feldman Real Estate is going out of business.
End of an era.
Hey, Mom, can we have this conversation over a couple of smoothies that are really just fruity milkshakes? Yeah, but put a vitamin boost in mine so I think it's healthy.
- Okay, you got - (crunch) Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no.
- What's wrong? - Smoothies are canceled.
(mumbling softly) (tires screech) (coughs) (phone rings) - Hi, babe.
- ADAM: Hey, where are you? I thought we'd take Gus to the park.
Honey, it's Tuesday at 10:00.
Oh, yeah, meeting.
- Hi, alcoholics! - Nope.
Not a meeting.
What am I thinking? Uh, you're at coffee with the ladies.
Uh - Hi, ladies! - I'm at therapy, which you knew because an hour ago when you said, "What you got going on today?" I said You said therapy.
I listen.
Hi, Trevor.
It's not true.
I'm a great guy.
We'll discuss this later, once Trevor tells me how I feel.
I don't tell you how you feel.
Which is another way you're letting me down.
Anyway, I got so irritated the other night, and I'm not proud of this I threw a potato at him.
A fingerling.
I'm not an animal.
Would you say the level of conflict in your marriage has escalated recently? Well, Adam and I are newlyweds.
You know what they say.
What do they say? "It's been three months, let loose the tiny potatoes"? You seem edgy.
Everything all right? We're not here to talk about me.
That is the dumbest rule.
You and I are friends.
We are not friends.
We have been hanging out every Tuesday for eight months.
We are not hanging out.
I am helping you navigate your life.
Exactly.
That's what friends do, Trev.
Oh, come on, tell me one random thing about yourself.
Like, that's not your real nose, right? I will not share anything about my personal life with you.
- What if I - No.
You may not guess things and then try and read my facial expressions.
Sure, 'cause your new nose is unreadable.
Well, our time's almost up and there's something I'd like to talk to you about.
Is it the health issues you're having? I've been seeing you pro Bono, and I think it's time we discuss you paying a modest fee.
Aha.
Financial problems.
Yes, Bonnie, I'm broke.
That's why I'm asking you for $35 a week.
$25, and you can't spend it on lattes.
$35, and I can spend it on whatever I want.
Fine, but you have to tell me how you spend it.
I will not.
Deal.
Sorry.
I had to play hardball.
Hypothetical question.
If you hit a parked car and there's no damage, would you leave a note? You wouldn't, right? You wouldn't.
Well, what would it say "Sorry for doing nothing to your car"? Agreed.
(chuckles) Completely unrelated hypothetical question.
Does this look like damage to you? I don't think you know what "hypothetical" means.
Yeah, or "damage," because this bumper has a scuff, a dent and a scrape.
She couldn't have done it, she was with me the whole time.
Tammy, I don't need an alibi.
Trust me, you do.
We were watching Dirty Dancing.
It's your favorite movie.
I'd never seen it before, but I was utterly charmed.
We ordered medium cheese pizzas and then talked about how amazing it must have been to be Jewish in the '60s.
I'll more be more convincing tomorrow 'cause almost all of that happened to me yesterday.
So you didn't leave a note? I did leave a note.
Oh, good.
Then I drove back and took it.
(all groaning) Classic Plunkett move.
We almost do the right thing.
I just panicked.
But now I feel awful.
I've been having nightmares.
Last night I dreamt I backed into the car and it exploded.
Then it turned out George Clooney was inside and we ended up making out.
And I felt bad, because I respect his wife so much.
Did you leave her a note? Sweetie, I think you need to make amends to these people.
Oh, I really wish I could, but there's just no way to track them down, so .
move on, live my life.
Well, there was a license plate in that little picture you took.
I mean, I could ask Andy to abuse his access, run the numbers and get you an address.
It's against the rules, but he likes showing off policey stuff for me.
Thanks Jill.
Super helpful.
- Okay.
Should we get the check? - I'm having marital problems.
I guess not.
Do you guys think Adam and I fight too much? - Oh, yeah, way too much.
- Yeah.
It's out of control.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
Only interested in hearing from people who've been married.
- I've been married.
- ALL: What? I was 22.
A guy promised me $3,000 to marry him for a green card, so I did.
Next morning I found out he was broke and from Iowa.
But how often did you fight? Just the once.
Hello.
Hi.
Are you George Huang? No, that's my dad.
Is he here? I accidentally hit his car a few days ago and wanted to apologize.
He probably didn't even notice.
Oh, he definitely noticed.
It's all he's talked about for the last two days.
If I were you, I'd run.
GEORGE: Who is it? Don't buy anything.
Hi.
Uh, I'm the one who hit your car.
Betty, it's the criminal who hit our car.
BETTY: What kind of person doesn't leave a note? Betty, I did leave a note.
Then I went back and took it.
Why do I keep telling people that? (speaking Mandarin) Are you gonna translate for me? I don't think you want me to.
Like, every little problem Adam and I have turns into a fight.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe I'm too broken to be in a partnership with someone.
Hey, for 35 bucks, I expect words.
Shrink it up.
What if I were to give you some tools to communicate with Adam better? Well, now we're talking.
That sounds like value.
- Lay 'em on me.
- What I would suggest is when things get heated, uh, try some physical contact.
You want me to hit him? I mean, you know, granted, he won't see it coming.
I want you to give him a gentle touch in order to maintain a loving connection during conflict.
In our case, gentle touch frequently leads to sex.
But maybe that's what you're going for.
Sex is not a resolution for conflict.
Then you're not doing it right.
Also, we've noticed you have some impulse control issues.
What if you and Adam try to count to two before saying anything during an argument? That's stupid.
Now, if you had counted to two just then, you might've said something more constructive.
One, two.
Nope, still stupid.
Okay.
Sadly, we're out of time.
See you next week.
(clears throat) Okay.
Great.
Ooh.
(scoffs) Almost forgot.
Ooh.
(mutters) - That's a Life Saver.
- You're a Life Saver.
- ADAM (calls): Hey! - (door closes) Hey! I'm in here.
I hope you're hungry, 'cause I've been ma What's that? Fried chicken.
I was starving on the way home.
I saved you the legs.
Adam, I specifically told you this morning that I was making dinner.
Why can't you ev One, two.
You see, my love, I made salmon for us.
Why are you counting? It's a tool Trevor gave me.
You count to two so you don't say things in anger.
I'm paying now, so this is the elite stuff.
You're paying now? You didn't tell me that.
Yes, I did! One, two.
Yes, I did.
- Okay, what's this? - (sighs) The other tool he gave me.
It's supposed to make us feel connected.
Your hand smells like fish.
And by the way, I've told you a dozen times I hate salmon.
I hate the way you say "ma-ture," but you got to hit the hard "T," don'tcha? And touch me back.
One, two.
One, two.
The point is, you don't listen to me.
One, two, three.
You don't listen to me, either.
I never said "three"! You don't even listen to how many numbers to use! Kind of pulling my hair a little bit.
I kind of know! Let me guess.
You watched Flashdance last night? What.
A.
Feeling.
I spent two hours on the movie and two hours cutting the necklines out of all my sweatshirts.
And some of mine before I took the scissors away.
Why are you suddenly watching all the movies I loved in the third grade? 'Cause I never saw 'em.
'Cause you were poor? 'Cause I was drunk.
It's amazing how much pop culture you miss out on when you're loaded all the time.
I know.
For years I thought Ellen DeGeneres and David Spade were the same person.
(phone chimes) Oh, my God.
I just got asked out.
Say yes.
Say yes.
Even if it's a wrong number.
It's the son of the couple whose car I hit.
I paid for their bumper, and now he wants to have coffee with me.
Look at that The universe is rewarding you for doing the right thing.
Well, be careful you don't even know this guy.
He could be a serial killer.
Or just want to kill you and be done.
I say pack your Mace, roll the dice.
Thanks, Mom.
TREVOR: Yeah, go ahead, Sandra, pack your bag! It didn't scare me last time you did it, and it doesn't scare me now! SANDRA: I am not trying to scare you! I am trying to get away from your toxic narcissism! TREVOR: We have been having the same fight for 16 years! Nothing is ever good enough for you! SANDRA: I am so done with you! Bonnie? Hello.
- Hi! Kevin! - Hey! I-I'll be right there.
Great.
I'll get us a table.
(chuckles) (crunch) Oh, no, no, no! (groans) Damn it.
I'm gonna be alone forever! Sorry about that.
No worries.
I lost track of the time.
Are you okay? As always, we're not here to talk about me.
So, were you able to utilize the tools with Adam? We tried.
If anything, they made the fight bigger.
Maybe that's why you don't use them when you fight with your wife.
I know this is asking a lot, but I'd really like you to try and forget what you witnessed earlier.
Sure.
Forgotten.
Anyway, we tried physical touch, we tried counting.
It just led to me throwing more potatoes, and this time it wasn't the little ones They were mashed and covered in hot butter.
Well some fights are too big for the tools.
Sometimes the rupture between the two of you is so deep and so wide you can't even hear each other.
You try and you try, and you you want to put everything back in the box, but you just can't.
That sounds very painful.
Sometimes I wake up, I don't even know how to breathe.
Wait.
What did you just do? I created a safe space without judgment.
I'm not sure I like this.
That's okay.
Just live with the feeling for a moment.
I don't know.
I feel like I've worked my ass off.
I've given her a great life, but yet nothing is ever good enough.
Why are you making this all about yourself? I don't think I am.
You have to remember, her inner life is totally separate from you.
Isn't it possible she has needs that aren't being met that have nothing to do with you? Huh.
That's something to think about.
It is, isn't it? Well, obviously, today went off the rails.
I'm not gonna charge you for this week.
Of course not.
But I am gonna charge you.
Thirty-five dollars.
I'm not kidding.
You.
Hi.
I'm not sure why I keep choosing to do it this way, but here's a note and a check.
MAN (on TV): razing or totally damaging - 30 homes, triggering - Hey.
- (turns off TV) - Hey.
I know you were just in therapy.
I know you're in charge of dinner.
I'm just sitting here being mature.
How are you? I'm fine.
Don't just say fine.
I'm really asking how you are.
Oh, God, is this another therapy tool? What's next? Are we gonna talk to each other with puppets? His puppets are for kids, and I'm not allowed to play with them since I left them in funny positions.
This is just me realizing I want you to listen to me, but I don't always stop to listen to you.
So do you have stuff on your mind? Yeah, I got tons of stuff on my mind.
Like what? Well, the big topic in here these days is death.
Oh.
Mine or yours? Definitely mine.
You know getting married kind of gave me a future and people that I need to take care of, and my last birthday, I-I turned the same age as my dad was when he died, so yeah, I'm thinking about dying.
How often? Oh, you know, three, four hundred times a day.
Honey, that's pretty often.
I take breaks and worry about earthquakes.
Okay, I'm gonna touch you now, and it's not a therapy thing.
It's an "I love you" thing.
You know you don't have to worry about me.
I can take care of myself.
I know that.
It still doesn't help.
Did you feel that? Jill, thanks so much for hosting.
Oh, this is gonna be so fun.
Footloose Kevin Bacon is my favorite Kevin Bacon.
This is way nicer than Marjorie's.
The screen's bigger than a postage stamp, and we don't have to fight the cats for couch space or popcorn.
Yes, it's wonderful.
- Mm.
- Thank you, Jill.
- And it smells so clean.
- Okay.
Okay.
I got Milk Duds and Whoppers.
I had Reese's Pieces, but it's a long walk from the kitchen.
It's just nicer in every way.
Clap it! Alright, starting the movie Since when do you wear glasses? I just found out I need them.
You know, for movies.
Maybe a little bit for driving.
What'd you do, hit another car? Hope so.
That's how she meets men.
(laughter) Movie's starting.
(gasps) ("Footloose" by Kenny Loggins playing) What are you doing? Oh, I'm gonna dance for the entire movie, 'cause the people in this town can't.