Black-ish (2014) s07e09 Episode Script

Los Angeles is a beautiful place to live.
We don't need a vacation to go to the beach, and it almost never rains.
Unfortunately, the Johnsons live in the Valley.
So when it gets hot out here - Ugh! - it really gets hot.
Oh, God! I didn't think I was gonna make it home from the jog.
It was so hot, I had to drink hose water.
I told you not to go out there.
Baby, we are not outside people.
Then why did we put in a pool? - I like to stunt.
- Okay.
Whatever.
Listen, I got to cool off.
Alright.
Well, luckily, I have a cool indoor activity planned for the family.
Johnson Family on Ice.
Please say Johnson Family on Ice.
Yes, Johnson Family on Ice, where we kick up the A/C to beat the heat - and have an Ice Cube movie marathon.
- Whoo! I'm finally old enough to watch the whole "Friday" trilogy.
I know it's Friday and he ain't got no job, but what happens next? Well, son, you're in for a treat.
Plus, I have a surprise for this very special occasion.
Oh, my God! Is Ice Cube here?! Ohh.
Yay-yay! Old-timey popcorn machine?! This is why I defend you when people say you are a bad father.
Ahh! Let the hot, buttery fun begin! Trois, deux Oh, God.
- Oh, no.
- Oh.
I think the A/C is out.
- No.
- What? It's supposed to be 110 degrees today.
Uh, is it gonna be okay? I feel like it's not gonna be okay.
- It's gonna be - No! N-N-N-N-N-N-No! Nobody panic.
We have a ton of fans in the garage.
Okay, Bow, those fans need electricity.
What kind of doctor are you? I'm sorry.
I'm just so hot! Is there anyone else having trouble breathing? - No.
- Oh, God.
You know what? I think we should alternate so that we don't use up all the oxygen.
As I watched my family fall apart, I realized today was not a good day.
Yay-yayyyy.
All the white people's power is out, too, so it's not just us.
Mama, I paid my bill.
Baby, listen.
I just said what everybody's thinking.
You didn't need to run all up and down the street, Dre.
The neighbors are already talking about it on Nextdoor.
Okay.
What are they saying? Well, one person says that it's gonna be out all week.
Now they're saying it's just a rolling blackout.
And then Oh, look at that.
Janine has hijacked the thread.
She's saying the fireworks are scaring her punk-ass dog.
Okay.
You know what? There's no guarantee that it's coming back soon.
This could be the beginning of a "Mad Max" situation.
A what? I've got to get to the store and buy all the pasta before some idiot starts a panic buy.
- No! - Well, listen, make sure you get some Lysol, - any kind of flat meat - Mm-hmm.
and fill your trunk up with those dried beans.
- Take the spare tire out if you have to.
- Yes, Mama.
- Listen.
- Mm.
You're making too big of a deal of this.
You tell that to the dinosaurs.
I'm going to clean my gun.
Okay, you are overreacting! The power's only been out for five minutes.
Okay.
You know what, baby? The way this year's gone, with the fires, the earthquakes, and the pandemic, there is no such thing as an overreaction anymore.
Really? Dre, we haven't been able to park in the garage since the spring.
Will you just admit that you bought too much? No.
I didn't buy enough.
I can't put my feet up.
Mm-hmm.
Bow, it is my job to make sure that the Johnsons are prepared.
Dre, it is just a little power outage, okay? If we run out of anything, we'll just borrow it from someone on the block.
So you want to rely on strangers? - They're not strangers! - What? They're our neighbors! And, anyway, everybody's already looking out for each other on the app.
- Mm-hmm.
- And it's - Ooh.
- What is it? Well, there's a, um possible looter.
- What? - Yeah.
It says he's wearing a loud polo shirt Hey navy shorts, and a giant necklace.
See? It's every man for himself.
Like I want to steal some of their garbage.
What are you guys doing? Pssh! Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Yeah.
We're gonna have to grab his PlayStation later.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Were you guys trying to loot my room while I'm in here? - No! - No! We were just gonna check up on you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.
Fine.
It's hotter than a tram at the zoo, so we were sure that you fainted up here.
Well, since you're here, you can help me find my portable charger.
My phone is dead, and I need to call Olivia.
Your phone is always dead.
Seriously, dude, you have to learn how to charge your phone.
I know.
Olivia is always saying I'm gonna regret not having it charged in an emergency.
I cannot let her be right.
But she is right.
Only if she knows she's right.
You sound like Dad.
Hurtful.
Okay, guys, this is not a drill.
We've gone from Johnsons on Ice to "Survivor: Johnsons Island," alright? We've got to get to the store because sometimes, they limit the items per customer in a crisis.
This is how we triple up.
Let's go.
Come on! Come on! Hey! Not you, alright? We need room in the car for groceries.
Fine! Good luck getting stuff off the high shelves! If there's one thing you can count on during a crisis, it's that people are gonna act stupid.
Okay, you know what? I'm glad I grabbed you two, because these shelves are gonna be stripped bare real soon.
Yeah, because of us.
We don't need all this bread.
What?! Bread is the duct tape of food! Breakfast, you have toast.
Lunch, a sandwich.
Dinner, croutons.
Dessert, bread pudding.
That's a whole day in one loaf.
What? You don't know my situation.
Look at all these kids.
Alright? And this is not even my whole family.
Look, we go through three chickens at every meal, so don't worry about how many bagels we need.
You're the only one who eats bagels.
You don't need to be talking about our business in front of people.
I'm just sayin' Eyes on your own cart, Karen.
See? Your mama? She wants to depend on judgmental people like her.
But my motto is, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready.
But you weren't ready.
You know what? You don't get dinner tonight.
- What?! - More toast for me.
What? I You see? This is why we had to jump into action.
Blackout is starting to spread.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
The card reader is down.
But we can take cash.
I don't have any on me.
Oh.
Well, looky here.
You were so busy minding my business that you forgot to lock yours up.
Me? I always carry cash.
In fact I will be paying for her groceries.
Thank you! For myself.
And you said I wasn't ready.
Ooh! That's it.
Oh, my God! - Mm.
- This is insane! Dre, why aren't you putting this stuff in the kitchen? - No room.
- Oh, m Yeah, I got us supplies to last us five days.
You're welcome.
You got steaks? I'm not gonna let a blackout rob me of my lifestyle.
Dre, do you know the story of the farmer and the river? - You know I don't, Bow.
- Okay.
Well, there was a drought, Dre, but the farmer lived by a river, so he was fine with his crops and he was safe and he could eat.
But when the drought ended, he walked down into the town, and he discovered that everyone else had died of hunger.
So the River Man became the mayor of his own town, and the idiots died.
Natural selection, Bow.
So you're telling me that you would prefer to live in a society that has no community so you can get yours.
Okay, the key word is "live," Bow.
It's not my job to look out for the community.
It's my job to look out for me and mine.
- Who are you? - If it were up to you, we would probably live with our doors unlocked and you would have all of our money outside.
- Why would I put money outside? - I am a wartime general, Bow.
- Wartime? - Yes, warti On the floor, Bow! Down! Down! Incoming! Okay, you are embarrassing yourself.
- Oh, hi, friend! - Hi! I hate to ask this, but do you have any extra TP? The stores are all out.
- Actu - Uh, we do not.
Uh actually we do.
I will leave you, Bow.
Excuse me.
Do you mind if we just I'm Just give us one second.
What are you doing? Dre, we have enough toilet paper.
We can give it to her.
Okay? We have an obligation to provide it.
She has a front yard full of leaves, Bow.
She'll be fine.
And what about her children? - It's not my fault she's a bad mother.
- Dre Maybe you ought to move a little farther into the house - to have this conversation.
- Sorry about that.
- That hurt when he - You hear Yeah.
Okay.
- You were supposed to hear it.
- Okay.
She is asking for something that we can provide.
We can help so we are gonna help.
Here you go.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
You are literally saving my life and my good napkins.
I am so sorry about my husband.
He does not seem to understand that when you live in a neighborhood - Yeah.
- it's about helping each other.
You know what? I've got a generator.
You want to come over and cool off? - Yes! - You.
You.
Yes, of course.
Of course, of course, of course.
I would love to.
And I will be right over.
I'm gonna go chill some toothpicks.
- Alright, great! - Oh, my God.
Toothpicks? I hope you like sausage.
And there it was.
In our moment of crisis, Bow had chosen a stranger over her own family.
River Man would have never survived had he had a wife! While I was providing for my family, Bow was putting everyone and their mamas before us.
I always knew that one day, you would betray me.
Of course, I thought it would be with Prince, - at an after show.
- Oh, my God.
Alright.
You know, really, after all, it is Prince.
I wouldn't be able to blame you.
But never in my wildest dreams did I see this coming.
Are you done? - I'm never done.
- Wow.
And now you're taking her wine? - Yes.
- Why don't you give her one of the kids? I mean, we have a surplus of those, too.
You're starting something you can't stop.
Dre, you don't think that the pandemic has made people realize that we're all in this together? I did something for Janine, and now she's opening up her house to us.
But no! You would rather die in this heat than admit that your glorious wife is right.
My people are from Africa, Bow.
I ain't scared of a little heat.
Well, I am.
Yeah, you would be.
Plus, Janine has power, and I need to charge my phone.
Well, I'm sure that she will let you, because you are a part of this community.
Come on, guys.
Let's go get in some A/C.
No.
You can take Junior.
He can go over there and dip his celery in mayonnaise - with Janine, but - What? my two real kids? They're gonna stay here with me.
- Right, kids? - Huddle.
We're staying at the Johnson house.
But mostly for the doomsday steaks.
Okay, that's fine.
But if you change your mind, just know that everyone is welcome.
Well not everyone.
Come on, Junior.
Let's go.
Deuces.
Let's go fire up this grill.
Alright! As payment for your loyalty, you two get first choice when those come off the grill.
Not gonna lie so far, you're winning this battle.
Thank you, Jack.
And I like how you turned survival into a fun family competition.
Baby girl, life is a competition.
That's why we always have to be there for each other.
And I'm prepared enough for all of us.
- Amen.
- Mm-hmm.
That's why I always carry cash on me and I never let my gas dip below a quarter of a tank.
I never want to let you guys down.
Mm.
Let's get this started right here.
Uh, you know, sometimes, you got to hit both of them.
Wait a minute.
Uh, do you have a different gas tank rule for propane? Uh, maybe it just ran out.
That's okay.
Let's just go buy some.
If I'm being honest, I may have, uh, jeopardized our cash reserves while trying to teach that lady a lesson at the store.
But you know what? You guys can put those steaks on ice, and I will come back with some propane, okay? Just give me an hour, and I will have that grill up and running.
It's cool.
Let me know how that goes.
I'll be at Janine's.
- What? - Yep.
I'm out.
You really think that this steak is worth the pit stains in this fresh tee? Pssh! But I thought you believed in me, son.
Mm I think I believed in the idea of you.
If you think that I can't eat 11 pounds of bone-in rib-eye steak, you're just as crazy as your mother! Ha! Ahh! Ahhhhhh! I cannot tell you how wonderful it feels in here.
Mm! Yeah, I like to keep it at 66, so if you get a little chilly, there's electric blankets.
Oh! It is so nice that my kids get to see what it what it feels like when community actually comes together.
I love that we are looking out for each other.
Which leads me to this.
Don't you wish you knew a way to make a little extra cash in your spare time? What? Allow me to take you on a trip into the future.
Unh! Please tell me this is the start of a magic trick.
It's no trick.
It's your ticket to financial freedom and the glorious world of GloGenics! The Ponzi scheme? Oh! Mnh-mnh-mnh.
The lifestyle brand.
Gosh, I've been wanting to get you on the team for a while now.
I pretty much tapped out my community, but I thought you could tap into a new market at your What? Like, uh, your church or your - Oh, wow.
- salon or with your sister girls.
You know, a market that I don't have access to.
Uh-huh.
I can't believe this is happening.
Believe it.
Okay, let's take a look at how GloGenics can unlock your full economic potential.
Alright, alright, alright! I got my gun and my road wine.
Reminds me of when we went to buy diapers after the Raiders' championship in '83.
- Okay, Mama? - Mm? If you got a concealed weapons permit, you're not allowed to drink.
Who said I got a permit? Is everything alright over there? Yeah, man.
Hey, we good.
This is my house.
Oh.
Sorry if I startled you.
I know it's your house, Dre.
You just have a lot of propane tanks in your trunk.
I thought I'd help you out.
How do you know my name? Baby, you're the only Black man on the street.
Everybody knows your name.
Well, yeah.
Well, also because I've been your neighbor for eight years.
What? Wayne? From down the block? - Yes! - Yes.
Yes! Wayne in the yellow house with the wife, Vicki.
Blue house, husband, Steve.
- Right, right, right.
Right, yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Okay.
I mean, everything's good, man.
- You know, we just - Yeah.
just ran out of propane.
That's all.
Well, I got an extra tank in my garage.
I'll go grab it for you.
Okay.
Well, you know, can I at least give you some money for it? Absolutely not.
We're neighbors.
You'd do the same for me, right? - Be right back.
- E Looking at this stranger willing to help me out for absolutely nothing in return made me realize that I was wrong about everything.
- Listen, baby.
- Hmm? When he comes back, just let me know if you need me to stand my ground.
- Mama.
- I'll wait till he's on our property.
Bow was right.
People can come together in times of need.
I knew it was time to admit that I was wrong.
What are you doing back so soon? Yes.
And why do you smell like lavender? It was a parting gift from Janine.
She is trying to break into the urban market, Dre.
- Eh? - People are the worst.
The only people you can count on are ourselves.
I was wrong.
- Really? - Yeah.
Or maybe I'll let her tell me I was right for a little bit longer before I apologize.
Turns out it was a trap.
I thought Janine wanted to help us, but no.
She just wanted a captive audience.
Hmm.
And after you put your faith in other people.
- I know.
- Uh-huh.
But at least I was able to get us out of there gracefully.
I can't believe that you think that as a medical professional, I would sell this [bleep.]
to anybody! This is overpriced snake oil! I will admit that our proprietary blends are a little bit pricy, but you can tell your homegirls - that we have financing and - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
no credit checks.
Kids! We are leaving! But my phone's not charged yet! Now, Junior! Oh.
Looks like somebody could use a little eucalyptus! So you were right.
Yes! Because no one came to check on us, and the only person that came by was actually using us for toilet paper and a pyramid scheme.
Mm-hmm.
We are the outsiders.
See, I've been trying to tell you, Bow, these people don't give a damn about us.
Look, they wouldn't even spit on us if we were on fire.
Hey, Dre.
- Hey.
- Thought I'd save you the trouble, just drop this off out back.
Huh.
- Hello, Wayne.
- Hey.
What are you doing here? Oh.
Well, Dre needed propane, so I hooked him up.
Shh.
Shh, shh.
Huh.
You did, huh? Damn, Wayne.
You couldn't leave that out front? Let me know if there's anything else I can help out with neighbor.
- Of course! - Alright.
Bye, Bow.
Oh, my God.
So neighborly.
Wouldn't spit on us if we were on fire, huh? Okay, it was just a figure of speech, Bow.
- Was it? - Alright, you know what? I've got to go get these steaks and put them on the grill.
You know, they've been at room temperature for the last six hours.
Yeah.
That's why I thought it was strange when you bought 'em.
I'm sorry I let my phone die again.
Honestly, I'm just glad you're okay.
When I didn't hear from you all day, I started to get really worried.
It's 100 degrees out, and I know how delicate you are.
Well, you know I come from a long line of delicate men.
Yeah.
What happened? I didn't charge my phone, and it came back to bite me, like you said it would.
Ohh.
I just don't want you to think of me as some sort of helpless idiot that you always have to fix.
Everyone has their blind spots.
You are the most responsible person I know.
You taught Jack to read when Diane taught him to read wrong on purpose.
I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
No.
I just want to look dependable and strong.
You don't have to be anything but yourself for me.
Well, that is a relief, because I am not great in a crisis.
I don't know how to grow plants.
I'm scared of guns, so I wouldn't be able to hunt.
- So? - I don't know how to fix things.
I feel like I'd just be some sort of modern-day court jester.
That is if I didn't die during the first Okay.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Maybe not totally yourself.
Right, right.
Just pull back.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Alright.
I might not be able to tell which one is raw and well done, so I guess we're gonna have to bite into them to find out.
So, are we just gonna pretend that Propane Wayne didn't save the day? - He did.
- Uh-huh.
But, you know, when he came over to help, I still felt like he was going to accuse me of something in my own driveway.
Mm.
Babe, you're right.
Maybe it's not us against the world.
But it is weird.
Hmm? Being the only Black family around.
I'm not gonna lie, Dre.
I feel isolated, too.
Yeah.
It was so easy to believe in community when all of my neighbors were Black.
But here, I feel like I have to keep my guard up.
Yeah, well, if you hadn't let your guard down, then you would not be about to grill them steaks.
I need to learn not to let the fear of one thing going bad make me miss out on the 99 things that are going well.
- Yeah.
- Ye Oh.
Look at Black Jesus.
Thank God! Okay, I am gonna run the A/C so cold that we get sick.
And we have time to watch at least two of the "Fridays.
" Alright, that sounds great, baby.
And for dessert, we can eat one of the five pies I bought.
You bought five pies? Actually, I bought six.
I ate one of them when the kids deserted me.
Which one did you eat? Sweet potato! Hey-hey! The lights are up.
The stage is set.
It's Glo time! Alright, cut to the chase.
How many friends and family do I have to rope into this - before I turn a profit? - Mm.
And I honestly don't think I'm gonna get there.
This isn't about you.
I'd like to follow up with some of the things that you said in the Rewards section.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's talk about this trip to Hawaii.
Mm.
Technically, it's Guam, but I think you two are above the legal drinking age there.
You think you'd get more for moving 20,000 units.
I'm out.
What? No, no.
They won't stop sending me oils! Guys, please! I went down to their headquarters.
It's just an abandoned warehouse with chickens!