DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s07e09 Episode Script

1 Wait.
Did everybody make it? No.
Bishop's dead.
Well, we have to go back.
We can't leave a man behind now.
We have to go back.
Gwyn, he sacrificed himself for us.
We cannot go back or more of us could die.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I need a moment.
Uh, are we in John's mansion? Yeah, in the pocket dimension, I think.
Does it still open to the factory? - [FLAMES ROARING.]
- Aah! Not unless something terrible happened to that factory.
Oh, the portal must have closed when the last person exited the manor.
So right now there's no doorway back to Earth.
It's okay.
We can still time-jump.
No, we can't, not until we know exactly where and when.
We can't afford to have another mistake.
What? What do you mean? Well, we told her to go home, and this feels like home to me.
Home is 2022, not here.
It was all really chaotic.
I-I just Hey, Gidget.
A-are you okay? You look a little Oh, she has a fever.
Oh, man.
Okay, well, if Gideon is unwell, it's definitely not safe to jump, so we are trapped in the mansion.
- We know.
- More like trapped - three inches from home.
- [ALL GROAN.]
It's gonna be all right, guys.
Gideon probably just needs a rest, and, luckily, we landed outside the timeline, which means Evil Gideon can't find us, and now we have a chance to come up with our game plan.
That was the whole Tactics.
We need to think tactics.
Give me ten minutes I'll have a murder board drawn up and we can do some planning.
It tolls for thee.
[DISTANTLY.]
Help me, please! Hello? Is someone there? Gwyn! Hello? Help me! Gwyn! Alun? [DOORS RATTLING.]
[FLAMES ROARING.]
[PENSIVE MUSIC.]
Wow, babe, this is your most complicated murder board yet.
- All right, bottom line is - Nice.
Yeah, uh, Evil Gideon's manufacturing robots to hunt us down.
After all we have done to protect the timeline So what we need ideas, good ideas how to defeat robots, how to travel without being detected by Evil Gideon.
Hey, Gideon.
Didn't see you at the murder board meeting.
You okay? [SOMBER MUSIC.]
I thought I was doing the right thing coming here, but they're all so disappointed in me.
It all happened so fast, I just went with my gut.
What if next time I get confused and I just jump us all into a tornado? - I could kill us all.
- No.
No, you did good.
You brought us to safety.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
[SMOOCHES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
So what did I miss at the meeting? Oh, you know, they were talking about why Evil Gideon wants to kill all the Legends.
Oh, I'm sure she thinks they're an unpredictable and destructive force that needs to be eradicated.
Just a guess.
Looks like someone restocked the kitchen.
- Have an apple.
- Oh.
[CRUNCHING.]
Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me? Well, if you're referring to the increasing temperature in the house, - you're correct.
- Oh.
If you're insinuating we should go upstairs and fool around, also correct.
Oh.
[BOTH GIGGLING.]
Guys, I'm thinking about maybe asking Astra out.
[GASPS.]
Oh.
Our baby boy's all growns up.
I just feel, like, clarity, you know? Like, I haven't smoked weed or done edibles since we got time-stranded, and I feel so present.
And now I just can't stop thinking about her.
That's great just be yourself and, you know, don't make it weird.
Be myself.
Don't make it weird.
You're Behrad you're the cool, chill guy everyone wants to hang out with.
Be cool and chill.
That's why people like me.
- Exactly.
- All right.
Thanks, guys.
- We crushed that.
- Whoo.
I love helping little bro.
Oh, 'cause you're time bros? No, 'cause I'm getting so serious with my Zari.
He's like a future little brother-in-law.
I guess that makes us in-laws in some weird way.
Yeah, but you're, like, my best bud, so, like, a time bro-ette.
Thank you, but I hate that.
Is it hot in here? It feels like a million degrees.
Yeah, something is not right.
[FLAMES ROARING.]
Gwyn! [CREATURES SNARLING.]
- Are we in hell? - Uh Oh, Lord and all you saints and martyrs, aid me now.
Okay, calm calm calm down, Gwyn.
I mean, what's the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen we are in the very bowels of hell, Esperanza.
The horrors that await us are beyond the limits of our imaginations.
Well, yeah, out there, but, I mean, we we would have seen something come in, right? [ELECTRICITY THUDS, CRACKLES.]
[SINISTER MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
You might want to keep praying, Gwyn.
You left the door to hell open? - What were you thinking? - Yes, I'm sorry.
You see, I thought I heard voices, and so I opened the door.
I'm a grand fool, I know.
There's no telling what nightmare got in.
[ELECTRICITY THUDS.]
Oh, where I come from, the only thing worse than pests are pests that make themselves at home.
Yeah.
Okay, let's split up and sweep the house.
We can't fight Evil Gideon if we're all possessed.
Or can we? No.
No, bad idea.
Sweep the house.
Tell everyone.
- Go ahead.
- Right.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
Hey, you ever feel like someone's watching you? Well, as a child celebrity, I feel weird when I'm not being watched.
But, yeah, I do know what you mean.
Oh! - Oh.
- Ew! Oh, my Ugh! - Ugh.
- Disgusting.
Who knows what kind of magic goo John is hoarding in here? - Ugh! - Disgusting.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
There's, um there's there's there's got to be something to wear around here.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, somewhere in here.
Yeah.
I don't like this.
You know, we didn't plan for a hell detour.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, I know.
We got robots and Evil Gideon and now ghosts? - I am at capacity.
- Mm.
[DISTANT THUDDING.]
[UNSETTLING MUSIC.]
Something's definitely up there.
[THUDDING CONTINUES.]
- Did you hear that? - Hear what? - Boo! - Aah! [GROWLS.]
Behrad! Don't sneak up on people in hell! You idiot.
Sorry.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[THUDDING CONTINUES.]
Whew.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
You look like John.
You look like my Zari.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
What's happening? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[GASPS.]
I think we're being manipulated.
- No.
- Yes.
[GASPS.]
Aah! [GASPS.]
Aah! Why are you attacking us? Wha "Us"? Greetings.
- Oh, my - Oh, my Damn.
Why? Why? Why? Why? - Oh! Whoa, whoa! - You idiot! [ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE.]
Hi, everyone.
This is, uh, mortifying.
This had better be consensual, Gary, - or I'm gonna rip off your - It was entirely consensual.
In fact, I was the one to instigate our first tryst.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- All right.
Well, how long has this been going on? Uh, well, including the foreplay, approximately - [ALL GROAN.]
- No, no.
I mean, like Like, when did you guys, like, first hook up? Oh.
Uh, the Chernobyl nuclear meltdown was our first date.
- Yeah.
- Oh, lovely.
Sounds very romantic.
I guess that's why Gideon's been so unfocused.
Yeah, and why we ended up here.
Gary said that the manor feels like home, so that must be the reason Gideon bought us here instead of our actual home because of him.
Aw, that's so sweet.
Oh, wait, that's such a nice thing to do.
This is like a bad reality show.
Thank you very much for that.
That's it I know what's infesting the house.
Well, enlighten us, Miss Logue.
It's the Cursed Crew, and they're watching us, trying to get a glimpse of the real world.
- What are you talking about? - Let me show you.
Lux et veritas.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
Ooh! We are on a reality show from hell.
You're saying there's just creepers just watching us? - Yeah, like, everywhere? - Yeah.
They're following us around, filming us.
I don't like the idea of creepers watching us for their own amusement.
Not for their amusement, for their curse.
Back in the '90s, there was this film crew that were so desperate for a hit show they sold their souls to this demon called Harris Ledes.
The terms of the deal state that they can't leave his employment unless they capture something authentic, something real.
Ah, sounds like a bunch of sad sacks.
No, we need to be careful.
Through Harris's unholy magic, they can twist emotions to amplify conflict.
They love drama.
Unless we want to vacate this place forever, I have to confront Harris.
You want to go out there? I can handle myself.
But you all need to handle yourselves.
If you feel your emotions getting amped up, don't succumb.
And just keep your heads till I get back, and please don't turn on each other.
Oh, man, this is gonna be just like "KUWTT".
K-U-W-T-T.
"Keeping Up with the Tarazis", the reality show about my own family that I was recast on.
- Oof.
- Oh, that's right.
I forgot what a bummer you were on it.
I'm starting to remember, though.
Mm.
I'm joking.
It's a jo - Huh.
- Wow, wow, wow, wow.
- Uh, Miss Spooner? - Uh-huh? May I have a word? I just [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Would you mind informing me as to exactly what this, uh, reality TV is? [CHUCKLES.]
Don't worry.
Stick with me.
Look, I've watched, like, 40 seasons of "Survivor".
Hey, we should form an alliance.
I had an ally once.
And perhaps being stuck in hell is proof that I have strayed too far from getting his back.
Yep.
Uh, never mind.
Forget it.
Offer rescinded.
You're too weird for an alliance.
You'd only hold me back.
Reality TV show or not, we need to find a way to deal with Evil Gideon and her robots.
- Okay, plan, plan.
- Yes.
Let's, uh, free-associate.
Hmm, free-associate? Okay, I guess I'm listening.
[SIGHS.]
Robots.
Robots, yes.
Robots don't like water.
- No.
- And water is on the ocean.
[GASPS.]
We need to go to our beach house on the ocean.
- What? - What? Babe, look, I'm I'm drained, okay? I just I need a break.
Just, like, a little private island with a-a yacht for day trips.
I mean, is that so much to ask for? Yes.
We don't have time for this.
- I don't underst okay.
- [GROANS.]
Do you not want to do the work? Of course I want to do the work.
All I do is work.
I'm Sara Lance.
I'm crazy about work, but I am also crazy about personal chefs and hers-and-hers massages.
- Hmm? - Who are you? - [NATE BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
- You know what? I have this all figured out.
These super-basic, lazy reality-show wannabes are trying to foist the friends-to-lovers trope on us.
That's why they did the stunt with the shirt goo.
Yeah.
Luckily, we are way too TV savvy to fall for that.
- Mm-hmm.
- Especially me.
It's, like if we haven't hooked up already, why would we hook up now? We got this.
We're gonna be the friends that never fight.
- [GASPS.]
- Hmm? All we have to do is not sleep with each other.
You and me, that's crazy.
Never in a million years.
Yeah, I mean, you know, because we're just friends, 'cause, obviously, I'm I'm genetically identical to your girlfriend, so I understand why you would unconsciously be drawn to me.
To be honest, just the idea of it is, like, kind of, like, blah.
[LAUGHING.]
Okay.
Okay.
Uh, not to, like, press the issue, but look at me.
I dress better than her.
I live in your timeline.
In fact, the only real difference between us is our personalities.
And, surely, you're not saying that I, the person who you called your time bro-ette not 20 minutes ago, have a bad personality.
Surely not.
Did I say "never in a million years"? I meant to say "never in ten million years"! Mm-hmm? Yeah? Yeah? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
- [GROWLS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Miss Lance.
When we first met, we made a deal, and I have fulfilled my end of the bargain.
I gave you time travel.
But you have not upheld your side by helping me complete my sacred mission.
Instead, you have brought me to the burning inferno of hell itself, and, therefore, with all due respect, Miss Lance, I must remind you of your obligations to me.
I do not have time for this.
But you promised me.
Please, we must save Alun.
Yes, Gwyn.
Okay? I have not forgotten about our deal.
I owe you one person to save.
No problem.
You got it.
We'll talk about it later.
I'm very sorry, Miss Lance, but this is not good enough! What do you want, then? Do you need me to write it down? Is that gonna make you happy? Fine.
Here.
"Gwyn can save one person from the timeline", signed "Sara Lance".
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to plan.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- I appreciate it.
- Yeah.
Got it.
[SOFTLY.]
Plan a holiday.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, my [WHISTLING.]
Excuse me, young lady, would you put some clothes on? No way.
It's called strategy.
Being naked is strategy? You know, it psyches the other players out.
You know, everyone trusts the naked guy, because what could they be hiding? Hmm? But, Gwyn, what I'm hiding is all in here.
- Very, very, very, very - [PIANO KEYS ECHO.]
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Lowest Common Demoninator Productions, how may I hel Astra Logue? Uh, is that really you? Unlucky for you, I'm back.
And you're gonna do exactly as I say.
Aah! - [GROANS, SCREAMING.]
- [BLOWS LANDING.]
Astra Logue.
It's been too long.
Ooh, you look awful.
[LAUGHS.]
It's not your fault, though.
Being outside of hell's bad for your pores, - bad for your karma.
- Harris.
- Still negging like it's 2007? - Oh, it's called trolling now.
And these souls that I'm trolling are gonna be ripping each other apart by midseason.
[LAUGHS.]
Those are my souls you're messing with.
So hands off.
Oh.
Astra, hey, I-I didn't know you were still in the biz.
Hey, look, I would never want to step on your toes, scuff those gorgeous heels.
[TRILLS TONGUE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Look, tell you what souls are yours.
I'll put the crew back to "Kitchen Night Terrors".
Good.
Then we don't have a problem.
[UNSETTLING MUSIC.]
Sir, we found this soul lurking around outside, following her.
[GRUNTS.]
I made this weird, didn't I? So what was the plan with this one, huh? Classic flaying? Exsanguination? [GASPS.]
Oh, puddling? Huh? Oh, ho-ho! Puddling is when we we remove all your bones.
You just turn into a human puddle, and we splash in you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Not that.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
So what do you say? Take this one together, for old times, huh? [TENSE MUSIC.]
Ah, no.
Astra.
You ah, you've become one of them! Disgusting! Next thing you know, she's gonna be talking about found family and having a-a conscience.
So what if she does have a conscience? That's part of what makes her amazing.
- She's come so far.
- Behrad, shut up.
- What? - [CHUCKLES.]
Behrad, was it? See, the thing that you think makes her amazing - actually now makes her - Vulnerable.
Down here, she's any demon's plaything.
Oh, hoo, she's really mad at you.
I'm not detecting much pushback.
Fight it, Astra.
But if you can't, I totally get it.
Oh, yuck.
So chill.
You're a nice guy? Yeah.
Here's the thing about nice guys they are all over the place down here in hell.
The nicer they are, the more secrets they got buried.
So I wonder [CHUCKLES.]
What have you really got all locked up in here? [INHALES DEEPLY.]
Or maybe, is it nothing? You got Oh, it's so boring! Boring.
I'm bored.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
Why did you follow me? - I had this handled.
- Yeah.
No, duh.
I saw what you did to that guy at the front desk.
I just wanted to make sure you weren't triggered - by being back.
- What's that supposed to mean? Hey, hey.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Save it for the cameras.
Please, no! Aah! No, no, no.
[SHOUTS.]
I can't be here.
So you either think that I'm too weak to go solo or I'm just gonna backslide into being a monster.
- I thought we were friends.
- We are! But I don't want to talk in front of the cameras.
Well, there's not really another option.
They're still here because you followed me.
Mmm.
Well, I enjoyed every bit of that.
And not just the chocolate.
The sex was great, too.
[INHALES DEEPLY, SIGHS CONTENTEDLY.]
What's wrong? What are we doing? Maybe they're right.
Maybe this thing between us is clouding my judgment.
Or maybe it's all been heightened by this hell house.
The last thing the Legends need is for their time pilot to be obsessed with your sweet, little bottom.
No, no.
hell house or not, our judgment isn't clouded.
You you do genuinely admire my sweet, little bottom, and I do genuinely love you.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I have to go.
Uh, no, that that that was the reality show effect.
I-I know it's too soon to talk about love.
You know, t-that's weeks away, e-even a month.
I'm sorry.
I just need some time to think.
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
You are in over your head this time.
How so? Hello? How are you in over your head? Who's talking? Oh, you, hopefully.
I don't want to share my emotions with a disembodied voice.
Don't you, just a little? Well, I guess it would be nice to unload.
This is just between you and me? Of course.
This has all been quite overwhelming.
My human side well, it's been developing all sorts of new feelings, and I particularly hate this one called self-doubt.
Your human side? Yes.
Sometimes I wish I could turn off my emotions and just approach things more analytically, like my CPU was designed.
That would be quite dangerous.
Well, some people would say in these peculiar circumstances that unchecked emotions could be much more dangerous.
Maybe you're right.
[PENSIVE JAZZ MUSIC.]
Huh.
[PUNCHY ROCK MUSIC.]
Gideon? I'm dumping you, Gary.
- It's over.
- What? I need to devote my full energy to my work.
But but but my bottom.
Please don't make a scene.
You'll only embarrass yourself.
[SOBBING.]
You're not thinking about what Nate said, are you? [SCOFFS.]
Ten million years.
[SCOFFS.]
I'm just not as laid-back as the other Zari.
I simply take advantage of my genes to utilize a little variety in my appearance.
Tell me this is it a crime to admit that I am, empirically speaking, very hot? Perhaps the mere sight of you makes him, I don't know, nervous for some reason.
You know what? You're right.
He's nervous.
But why? We're just friends.
There's no reason for him to be nervous around me.
Maybe it's another Zari.
Why would he be nervous around her? They're in love.
They're moving in.
That's a big step.
It's Oh, my God.
[GASPS.]
- That's it.
- What? He doesn't want her to move into the totem.
- [GASPS.]
- Oh.
How could he do this to her? - Gidget.
- Hmm? We have to protect that little nerd.
You're on my team, right? Of course I am.
- Of course.
Oh, my God.
- Of course.
- Oh.
- I love you.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC.]
Yeah! Yep! Yep! [GRUNTS.]
Hey, I saw you talking to Zari.
What'd she say? I shouldn't.
It was in confidence.
I'll just say it's interesting that she thinks she utilizes her genes better than your Zari.
[RECORD SCRATCHES.]
What? She thinks my Zari's ugly? She thinks she's better than her? I cannot say.
- Hey, good talk.
- Hmm.
Spot buddies for life.
- Nice.
- Ouch.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Deep into planning refreshing.
The rest of the Legends are concerned with more trivial matters.
I was thinking, though, with this current plan Mm.
How are you going to prevent any harm to Alun throughout the rest of the war? I mean, there is, after all, four more years of it? [PRAYING IN WELSH.]
It's too bad you cannot save them all those poor men.
Perhaps we can save all of them.
- Why go back out there? - Oh, you're talking to me now? I'm just wondering why you want to go back out there being that it's the source of your trauma.
My trauma? Behrad, I grew up in hell.
It sucked, but I survived by pushing through, not hiding.
What the hell are you hiding from? Me? I'm B.
I'm chill.
I don't have trauma.
That's my whole thing.
Frankly, I think you're projecting, which I hear is quite common.
Oh, please! Grow up! Frange! [GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
Men are cowards.
Yep! Yep! Nate [CRYING.]
I think there's something wrong with Gideon.
My boy Gary he's brokenhearted right now.
But Nate-y H still has to drop these truth bombs.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Look, just when you think you can trust a woman, she turns around and shows her true self.
That's why you can't trust dames.
You can only trust gains.
[SOBBING.]
Oh, no.
Nate he sucks to be around right now.
I need to find someone more levelheaded.
What do you mean Gideon is different? She just came to me about an alliance.
Want to start a secret double alliance, hmm? - [WHIMPERING, SOBBING.]
- Ohh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Gary's head just isn't in the game.
If he can't get it together, then he's out.
Of what? I'm not sure yet.
But I know I'm ahead.
[CHUCKLES.]
Co-Cap, once you're finished coming up with a brilliant plan, we need to talk about how Bro Nate is going to ruin Flannel Zari's life.
I have come up with the perfect plan to defeat Evil Gideon.
Pack your sunscreen and your hangover remedies, because the legends are going to Cabo! [GONG SOUNDS.]
That's her plan? Of course a trip would be nice, but we have business to take care of.
We have messes to clean up.
We can't just go to the beach every time life gets hard.
[SCOFFS.]
Oh, no.
I'm turning into the implanted memories of my mother.
[BANGING ON POT.]
Wash your hands! It's time for dinner! These Legends are going to have to listen to me now.
If I had it my way, the only Z we would have at dinner is ziti.
Oh! I mean, honestly, and this is a true question, did that self-tanner seep into his brain? And that is how you make a rabbit trap.
Table's set, and the knives are out.
I hope everyone's hungry, because they're about to get a mouthful of the meal I just cooked and my opinions.
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Oh, crap.
So I get down to dinner, and the Legends have done literally nothing I told them.
The place is a powder keg.
Without human emotions clouding my judgment, I'll make sure the Legends get exactly what they deserve.
I don't think Behrad will be joining us.
He is hiding in bed.
Oh, just like he spent most of his teenage years.
- Ew.
- No.
Not like that.
He just didn't want to be on camera.
So we had to recast him.
- You recast your own brother? - Mm-hmm.
Let us pray.
Our [BLEEP.]
who art in [BLEEP.]
, hallowed be thy [BLEEP.]
.
Thy [BLEEP.]
come, thy [BLEEP.]
be done [TAPPING ON GLASS.]
Beautiful words.
Uh, Aves, I just want to say thank you - for this beautiful meal.
- You're welcome.
- Fake.
- [TIRES SCREECHING.]
- Excuse me? - You know, I think that this is now a wonderful opportunity to bring up the plan with regards to what Miss Lance promised me.
What is he talking about? She promised me that I could save one life, and that life is Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
By preventing the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, we shall prevent the entire Great War.
How dare you misrepresent me? You led me to believe that you wanted to save one inconsequential person from the timeline, not your entire generation.
No, thank you.
Babe, listen to me.
You know I would never promise something like that, and he is clearly a liar.
- I am not a liar.
- I am not talking to you.
That's it! I am done cleaning up after you, after all of you! I am not the den mother.
And would you put some clothes on? - Ah! - Oh, my Look what you did.
Ava, wait! - But a promise is a promise.
- Perfect.
Oh, let's really turn the heat up.
I want to see them rip each other's limbs off.
- So, Spooner - Mm? Whose faction did you decide to join - Nate or Zari's? - Mm.
Oh, my gosh.
You're trying to team up against me? Well, good luck getting anyone on your side.
Oh, my God, you're such a backstabber.
Nobody wants to be on your side.
- Everyone's on my side.
- No.
All you ever do is talk crap about my Zari.
and that woman's a saint! They both make good points, but just know that whichever alliance I join, I promise I will betray it.
You know what? Since we're already in hell, there's only one way to settle this.
This is the weirdest vibe yet.
What what's going on? Well, Nate doesn't want to move into the totem.
She called you ugly.
That's not true.
I totally want to live in the totem with you.
And also, I believe she's trying to sleep with me.
- Oh, my God.
- Upstairs she said that to me.
Hey.
Are we in hell right now? Uh, yeah, and we're all under the effects of a demon's reality show.
Huh.
Okay.
That, uh that makes sense.
It does? Yeah, because I have the uncontrollable urge to do this.
Oh! How could I? Babe, I'm really sorry.
Okay? I just really needed a break and have a reset and swim with dolphins, babe.
Would you stop with the vacation? This is divine punishment! Enough! This is exactly what he wants! You're all complete idiots! We're getting out of here! Gideon, I need your brain! Put on the colander! We will figure out an exorcism topside! Excellent.
You should all simply pile into Gwyn's ramshackle time contraption, and I'll take you out of here.
It'll be a breeze.
A breeze? No! She'll kill us all! [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I've been trying to tell you s-she's not herself.
She'll time jump us into a tornado.
Gary, don't do anything crazy.
I'm trying to save your life, so help me [BLEEP.]
.
- I'll eat this.
- Eat? - ALL: No! - Get back here! - Gary! Gary! - [ALL SHOUTING.]
[ETHEREAL WHOOSHING.]
[ALL SHOUTING.]
- [GROWLING.]
- Get him.
[ALL SHOUTING.]
[INDISTINCT ARGUING.]
Wow, sounds really tense down there, huh? Back off.
Those are my friends.
Yeah, of course.
Your friends who love you.
You know, they sure could use a chill and cool Behrad right about now to calm things down.
So I'm just gonna be that guy forever? Well, the real question is, who are you without this? And who would want to hang out with this mess? [GROANS SOFTLY.]
- Let's slice him open.
- [SCREAMS.]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
- Get him! - Go, go, go, go! Go, go! Aah! - [SQUEALS.]
- [GASPS.]
You guys want to make asses of yourselves for the cameras? Is that what you want? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Because I know what it gets you.
I have countless memories of cameras in my face, every time I was scared, every time I cried.
You want to know about the first time I ever failed? Don't worry.
"Keeping Up With The Tarazis" had a whole episode about it! I figured out the way to beat it was to be unflappable, chill.
Pop a gummy, lay low, relax.
If they don't see it get to you, they don't have the power.
But it gets to me.
A lot of things do.
I'm sad sometimes.
I'm scared a lot.
I died, and I never talked about it Because maybe I'm afraid if I'm honest with anyone, they'll end up hating me.
All I wanted to do was ask you out, and now I'm crying for all of hell to see and laugh at me for my friends to realize they never knew the real me And for the girl I like to run far away from me.
But I'm done now.
Here's the honest truth.
When it comes to you, Astra I lose all my cool.
I'm just B.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Whoa.
[SHOUTS.]
Oh! Oh.
Aah! It's gone.
Ah, my shows! [REMOTE THUDS LOUDLY.]
What happened? He got real.
Is it over? The curse is lifted.
Your contract with Harris is terminated.
Get the hell out of here.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Gideon? Are you in there? Gary, I'm so sorry.
- Here, babe, let me do this.
- No.
It's all right.
It's not, and I know it's not.
Look, even when my brain was on a vacation episode of "The Real Housewives", I knew you were right.
Go on.
I let you take on too much responsibility for the mission, and it's not fair.
You are not the house mom, you are the co-captain and a very beautiful, sexy co-captain.
So when were you going to tell me about this promise - that you made to Gwyn, hmm? - Pardon the intrusion, ladies.
But, uh, if you are attending the, uh, mea culpas, then I have to admit that I got a little carried away.
I'm not very well acquainted with the rules of time travel yet, but even I know that one cannot simply stop the Great War.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry, Gwyn.
But I will uphold my promise, all right? We're gonna find a way to save your guy as cleanly as possible.
No timeline explosions.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
I guess it is sweet you were both looking out for me.
Girl, of course.
Look, I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you, and I cannot wait to live with you.
I know.
Besides, you know how many aunties are very psyched for your arrival? - Mm.
- Mm.
Which reminds me, I, uh I got to get back.
You are going to stay and apologize to each other.
Yeah? By the way, sorry about the whole wine thing.
Okay, bye.
BOTH: I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- Is it - Honestly, the voice was a lot - My voice? You can't be serious right now with what BOTH: All is forgiven.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
How did you know that would work with the camera guys? Uh, didn't, just wanted to say how I felt.
Right.
Yeah, the reality show made everyone say crazy things.
Not me.
That was genuine a genuine full-blown freak-out in front of the hot girl I've had a crush on forever.
Well, who knows? Maybe that girl has a little crush on you, too.
I'm sorry.
I'm just in my own head.
Is, uh, something wrong? - Don't you want to? - Oh, I want to, really bad.
But I might need a minute to figure out what being unchill and sober is like before I'm the best boyfriend you ever had.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
If you want to go slow, that's cool.
You know you guys are so dorky? Oh.
Spooner, the cameras are gone.
Oh.
You know, I got so comfortable, I didn't even realize it.
House meeting! Just Clothes, Spooner, clothes.
House meeting, everyone! Sure, why not? Gary, the reality show's over.
Yes, and I, for one, am very pleased.
- You call that entertainment? - No, I don't.
No, we're having this house meeting because there are apologies that need to happen.
Gary, it's okay.
Gwyn and Sarah and I talked it out.
Yeah, and Nate and I are besties again.
No, apologies to me and Gideon, you jerks.
She wouldn't have had to switch over to robo mode if you guys didn't make her second-guess herself and then make her feel guilty about our relationship! Thank you, Gary.
[SERIOUS MUSIC.]
I've noticed that you've all found love in some of the most chaotic of times, and you've still done your jobs with terrific aplomb.
So, you know, the fact that you think that Gary and I cannot find comfort in each other's sweet embrace, it's a bit hypocritical.
Um yeah, actually, you're you're completely right.
And we're sorry.
- Yeah.
We're sorry.
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
- We're sorry.
It's quite nice feeling emotional again.
It's like a warm and gooey feeling as opposed to a cold and calculated urge to murder.
Say what? I'm just kidding.
I'm quite funny, actually.
[LAUGHTER.]
So funny.
But, hey, since you are a part of this team and a supercomputer, so you tell us, where do you think we should go? I'm glad you asked, Captain, because I've given it much tactical and emotional consideration, and I think I want to trust my gut, as us humans say, and my gut is telling me to plot a course for Sarajevo in 1914.
We need to save Archduke Franz Ferdinand and stop World War I.
[LAUGHTER.]
ALL: What?