Tales from the Crypt (1989) s07e09 Episode Script
Smoke Wrings
They tell me Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.
He's a strange guy.
But that's not why I called this meeting of the five families.
Tahacklias, Bonettis, others.
The reason I called you all together is this.
As Godfather of the Goreleone family, I say it's time that we in horrorganized crime stopped frighting each other.
I want there to be peace amongst us.
I want there to be a whole lot of pieces.
Which is kind of like the young man in tonight's tale.
He wants a whole lot of something, too.
In a nasty nugget I call "Smoke Wrings.
" They're ready for you on the eighth floor.
Okay, thank you very much.
- Allow me.
- Thank you.
- You work here, love? - Yes.
Yes, I do.
Come in.
Do you know the word I use to describe this? EssentiaI.
Look, I know it's just toothpaste, but I like to think that what I'm going after is a totaI lifestyle.
To me it says, "FeeI me! Taste me! Be me! " Look And having been with the same agency for eight years Don't get me wrong.
For the millennium.
I feeI a great need to expand my creativity.
Well, not expand my creativity, but to stretch it.
New York is great.
I just need a break.
A philistine would call it yellow.
I like to think it's been kissed by buttercups! I won an award in Korea for it.
Every agency there is like wall-to-wall assholes.
I'll be honest with you, Ms.
Edwards, I haven't got a portfolio.
And even if I did have one, I wouldn't show it to you.
Well, it's all crap, isn't it? I bet you've been sitting here for hours looking at portfolios filled with inane cack.
And the people, you wouldn't have them wipe your ass for you, never mind create advertising.
Have you ever worked in advertising before? - Every bloody day of my life.
- I meant in an agency.
- Does it matter? - Well, it kind of helps, yeah.
- Even if that's not what you're looking for.
- Oh, really? - What am I looking for? - For yourself.
Someone who's got what you've got.
Same swagger.
Same ass-kicking, rip-the-fucking-walls-down attitude that sets you apart from the rest of the fucking herd.
So You've never worked in an agency before, you've got no portfolio, and the only thing you do have to show for yourself is a set of giant-sized brass balls.
What'd you say your name was? Barry.
Barry Manners.
Hello.
It's nice to meet you, Barry.
Barry just joined us today and I thought I'd throw him right into the deep end.
- I hope you don't mind, Ellen, do you? - I mind.
- Ellen, nice to see you.
- Hello, Frank.
Now, we've got a lot to talk about.
So, if you don't mind, I'd like to get down to business.
Fine, let's get down to business.
Now, in the five years that we've been handling your account, Ellen, we've managed to keep the profile of your chocolates at a consistently high leveI.
But we're beginning to feeI the campaign's looking a little bit old-fashioned.
Now, this is a computer-generated fractaI of Chalmers Chocolate packaging.
It jumps out of the background.
It's modern, it's stylish, it's funky.
Excuse me.
I know I'm the new kid here but Is this really the best we can do? Sorry about this, Ellen.
This is incredible.
Incredible's the last thing this is.
I mean, the idea's bad enough.
Talk about boring.
Look at this artwork.
What is it? It's a fractaI.
You have a better idea, Barry? No.
No, not at the moment.
But I do know this.
Your company needs a much more sophisticated approach than what we're offering you.
What sort of drugs were you on when you did this? When people look at this, they're not going to want a nice chocky, they're gonna want to vomit.
I'm not the only person to be thinking that.
Am I? Well Actually I think Barry's got a point.
I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life.
Frank, relax.
I've talked to Ellen.
It's going to be all right.
All right? How the hell am I gonna face her? Well, the fractaI idea No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry In the last five years, we've not done badly by her.
I can't believe you didn't fire that little shit.
I would've done.
Right on the spot! Look, Frank, I'll talk to him, okay.
- And if he ever does that to you again - To me? Bloody hell, Jacqueline, what he did, he did to the company.
Not to me.
You're right.
Absolutely right.
And I'll deaI with it.
Now You still want to come by later on tonight? Well I I'd love to, but I You know I got to think of something to replace those computer graphics.
Maybe tomorrow.
So, how long have you been standing here? Close it.
Look, I know what you're going to say You've got Frank running scared.
It's brilliant! It's the best thing that could've happened to him.
Everything you said about him today is true.
He is boring.
In everything he does.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.
Not half as sorry as I am.
Maybe we need a change.
Mind you You haven't shown me yet whether you can deliver the goods.
Think you can prove yourself by tomorrow morning? By tomorrow.
Yeah.
I think I can come up with a few thoughts.
I don't want thoughts.
I want genius.
Are you there? That you? Where're you going, mate? You do that again, I'm gonna smash your face! How'd it go today? You get the job? She bought it.
Just like you said she would.
And you know why she bought it? Because that's exactly what she said to me when I hired her.
I believe it.
I'm not surprised she stole your company away from you, Alistair.
That's Mr.
Touchstone to you.
You see this little microchip? This creates a sound wave that permeates the subconscious.
Opening the mind to the power of suggestion of, say, a particular advertisement.
Just give me the rest of my money, okay? You remember what I asked you when I found you? I asked what scares you.
You remember what you said? - Going back to prison.
- It was something else scares you.
What was it, Barry? Was it rats? No Amazing, isn't it? The power of suggestion.
You put an idea into somebody's head or the sudden desire for something and that's all they can think about.
Amazing.
Bloody amazing.
And what about that idea we tossed around a while back, famous chocolate lovers in history? What about that? No.
Or the supermodels talking about their "first time.
" I suppose it could be fun.
- "I remember the nuts.
" - "'Bite me,' it said.
" "I loved the creamy bit.
" Morning, all! Do you mind if I cut in, Frank? That is, if you're finished wasting Jacqueline's time.
Now listen, you little shit Actually, Frank is on to something.
- Yeah.
- I'm sure it's absolutely brilliant.
But this is better.
What do you think? What is this, a joke? Frankly, I don't think our little friend does jokes.
I don't think he does much of anything at all.
This is your idea of genius? Wait a minute.
I took the liberty of trying this out on a few of our other clients' products.
- That's just great.
- I love this stuff.
Oh, that's delicious.
It's great but the - And this.
- No.
Give it to me.
- I know it's my - What are you doing? - Now let me do this.
I always wanted to do this.
- God, it smells so good.
- What are you doing? And this product - You sultry bitch.
- You worm, get on your knees.
- I'll get on my knees - Take off your fucking pants.
Just stop this, okay? Now look here, I don't know how you do it.
It's crap, you understand, it's crap! You think it's crap? Christ! I think it's brilliant! God.
Tamara, get me Ellen Jameson on the phone.
Now! Would you like to try some of this chocolate? Amazing.
No, thanks.
There is enough for everyone.
I'd like to have seen the look on Jacqueline's face.
You know, I'm beginning to like this advertising business.
I think I'll keep my hand in when all this is finished.
Oh, yeah? One thing bothers me, though.
When I had this device on, everybody else is going nuts for chocolate.
- Why didn't I? - You like chocolate? - No.
- There you have it.
The device doesn't change behavior.
It just heightens what's already there.
Which is exactly what the next step entails.
Heightening what you've already started.
Well, I think they're all right.
I think they suck.
These are no different to the photos I've been using.
The difference is, these photos suck.
Well, why don't you go and find some bloody pictures, huh? Jacqueline, I think it's time we told Frank what we want.
Well actually, Frank, what I want is for Barry to head the Chalmers Chocolate account from now on.
What? I've been working on this account for years.
Christ, I was the one who brought it in! Yeah, but right now, Barry's the one who can keep it here.
I don't believe you.
And what happens when that stupid little gadget breaks down or it starts wearing off, what're you gonna do then? Frank, I'm sorry.
I know it's sudden but I've made up my mind.
And what am I supposed to do? Work under him? No.
You're not.
You're sacking me.
You're sacking me? I was the one got this agency back on its feet after Alistair left.
Me, not him.
Me.
Clear out your desk, Frank.
Now.
With pleasure.
Took that rather well, I thought.
Didn't put up much of a fight at all, did he? I have a feeling he knew it was coming.
As the new head of the Chalmers account, I say we celebrate.
Right.
I could use a drink.
I'll go get my coat.
You don't waste any time.
You little bastard.
It won't make you do anything you don't want to.
Why don't we take this back to my place.
That's a fine idea.
Shit! - I'm ready.
- So am I.
Barry? I know this might be a little ungratefuI, but I have a message from your ex-partner.
- You know Alistair? - Quite well.
And his message is, "Drop dead.
" Where are you? Barry? Is that you? Did Frank kill Jacqueline? Not exactly.
Oh, my God.
You did it? No, you did it.
Well, that's what the police will think when they find you.
Come here! Actually, the police won't think that at all.
They'll think you killed Jacqueline.
Which, of course, is exactly what you did.
Looks like you're going back to prison, after all.
You bastards! There he is! Go on! Go on! Grab him! You were right.
The silent version is much more powerfuI.
Much more powerfuI.
He took every suggestion we gave him.
What did he say? Something about the police, I think.
Barry, there are no police.
It's all in your mind.
That's easy for him to say.
More importantly, what does Ellen think? Is our most demanding client happy? That was the most amazing presentation I've ever seen.
And the account is still yours.
- Let's celebrate with a drink.
- Yes, yes, yes.
Suddenly, I'm dying for one.
Come on, let's go get something to eat.
I found this incredible restaurant nearby, it's Frank, you always say the smartest things.
I guess Barry didn't realize the ad campaign would be his.
Still, it's good to see that he's "groan" into the job.
So, everyone agrees to the truce, except you.
You know what that means, don't you? It means I have to kill you.
Take that! That's why they call me "The offer you can't refuse.
" English - SDH
He's a strange guy.
But that's not why I called this meeting of the five families.
Tahacklias, Bonettis, others.
The reason I called you all together is this.
As Godfather of the Goreleone family, I say it's time that we in horrorganized crime stopped frighting each other.
I want there to be peace amongst us.
I want there to be a whole lot of pieces.
Which is kind of like the young man in tonight's tale.
He wants a whole lot of something, too.
In a nasty nugget I call "Smoke Wrings.
" They're ready for you on the eighth floor.
Okay, thank you very much.
- Allow me.
- Thank you.
- You work here, love? - Yes.
Yes, I do.
Come in.
Do you know the word I use to describe this? EssentiaI.
Look, I know it's just toothpaste, but I like to think that what I'm going after is a totaI lifestyle.
To me it says, "FeeI me! Taste me! Be me! " Look And having been with the same agency for eight years Don't get me wrong.
For the millennium.
I feeI a great need to expand my creativity.
Well, not expand my creativity, but to stretch it.
New York is great.
I just need a break.
A philistine would call it yellow.
I like to think it's been kissed by buttercups! I won an award in Korea for it.
Every agency there is like wall-to-wall assholes.
I'll be honest with you, Ms.
Edwards, I haven't got a portfolio.
And even if I did have one, I wouldn't show it to you.
Well, it's all crap, isn't it? I bet you've been sitting here for hours looking at portfolios filled with inane cack.
And the people, you wouldn't have them wipe your ass for you, never mind create advertising.
Have you ever worked in advertising before? - Every bloody day of my life.
- I meant in an agency.
- Does it matter? - Well, it kind of helps, yeah.
- Even if that's not what you're looking for.
- Oh, really? - What am I looking for? - For yourself.
Someone who's got what you've got.
Same swagger.
Same ass-kicking, rip-the-fucking-walls-down attitude that sets you apart from the rest of the fucking herd.
So You've never worked in an agency before, you've got no portfolio, and the only thing you do have to show for yourself is a set of giant-sized brass balls.
What'd you say your name was? Barry.
Barry Manners.
Hello.
It's nice to meet you, Barry.
Barry just joined us today and I thought I'd throw him right into the deep end.
- I hope you don't mind, Ellen, do you? - I mind.
- Ellen, nice to see you.
- Hello, Frank.
Now, we've got a lot to talk about.
So, if you don't mind, I'd like to get down to business.
Fine, let's get down to business.
Now, in the five years that we've been handling your account, Ellen, we've managed to keep the profile of your chocolates at a consistently high leveI.
But we're beginning to feeI the campaign's looking a little bit old-fashioned.
Now, this is a computer-generated fractaI of Chalmers Chocolate packaging.
It jumps out of the background.
It's modern, it's stylish, it's funky.
Excuse me.
I know I'm the new kid here but Is this really the best we can do? Sorry about this, Ellen.
This is incredible.
Incredible's the last thing this is.
I mean, the idea's bad enough.
Talk about boring.
Look at this artwork.
What is it? It's a fractaI.
You have a better idea, Barry? No.
No, not at the moment.
But I do know this.
Your company needs a much more sophisticated approach than what we're offering you.
What sort of drugs were you on when you did this? When people look at this, they're not going to want a nice chocky, they're gonna want to vomit.
I'm not the only person to be thinking that.
Am I? Well Actually I think Barry's got a point.
I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life.
Frank, relax.
I've talked to Ellen.
It's going to be all right.
All right? How the hell am I gonna face her? Well, the fractaI idea No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry In the last five years, we've not done badly by her.
I can't believe you didn't fire that little shit.
I would've done.
Right on the spot! Look, Frank, I'll talk to him, okay.
- And if he ever does that to you again - To me? Bloody hell, Jacqueline, what he did, he did to the company.
Not to me.
You're right.
Absolutely right.
And I'll deaI with it.
Now You still want to come by later on tonight? Well I I'd love to, but I You know I got to think of something to replace those computer graphics.
Maybe tomorrow.
So, how long have you been standing here? Close it.
Look, I know what you're going to say You've got Frank running scared.
It's brilliant! It's the best thing that could've happened to him.
Everything you said about him today is true.
He is boring.
In everything he does.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.
Not half as sorry as I am.
Maybe we need a change.
Mind you You haven't shown me yet whether you can deliver the goods.
Think you can prove yourself by tomorrow morning? By tomorrow.
Yeah.
I think I can come up with a few thoughts.
I don't want thoughts.
I want genius.
Are you there? That you? Where're you going, mate? You do that again, I'm gonna smash your face! How'd it go today? You get the job? She bought it.
Just like you said she would.
And you know why she bought it? Because that's exactly what she said to me when I hired her.
I believe it.
I'm not surprised she stole your company away from you, Alistair.
That's Mr.
Touchstone to you.
You see this little microchip? This creates a sound wave that permeates the subconscious.
Opening the mind to the power of suggestion of, say, a particular advertisement.
Just give me the rest of my money, okay? You remember what I asked you when I found you? I asked what scares you.
You remember what you said? - Going back to prison.
- It was something else scares you.
What was it, Barry? Was it rats? No Amazing, isn't it? The power of suggestion.
You put an idea into somebody's head or the sudden desire for something and that's all they can think about.
Amazing.
Bloody amazing.
And what about that idea we tossed around a while back, famous chocolate lovers in history? What about that? No.
Or the supermodels talking about their "first time.
" I suppose it could be fun.
- "I remember the nuts.
" - "'Bite me,' it said.
" "I loved the creamy bit.
" Morning, all! Do you mind if I cut in, Frank? That is, if you're finished wasting Jacqueline's time.
Now listen, you little shit Actually, Frank is on to something.
- Yeah.
- I'm sure it's absolutely brilliant.
But this is better.
What do you think? What is this, a joke? Frankly, I don't think our little friend does jokes.
I don't think he does much of anything at all.
This is your idea of genius? Wait a minute.
I took the liberty of trying this out on a few of our other clients' products.
- That's just great.
- I love this stuff.
Oh, that's delicious.
It's great but the - And this.
- No.
Give it to me.
- I know it's my - What are you doing? - Now let me do this.
I always wanted to do this.
- God, it smells so good.
- What are you doing? And this product - You sultry bitch.
- You worm, get on your knees.
- I'll get on my knees - Take off your fucking pants.
Just stop this, okay? Now look here, I don't know how you do it.
It's crap, you understand, it's crap! You think it's crap? Christ! I think it's brilliant! God.
Tamara, get me Ellen Jameson on the phone.
Now! Would you like to try some of this chocolate? Amazing.
No, thanks.
There is enough for everyone.
I'd like to have seen the look on Jacqueline's face.
You know, I'm beginning to like this advertising business.
I think I'll keep my hand in when all this is finished.
Oh, yeah? One thing bothers me, though.
When I had this device on, everybody else is going nuts for chocolate.
- Why didn't I? - You like chocolate? - No.
- There you have it.
The device doesn't change behavior.
It just heightens what's already there.
Which is exactly what the next step entails.
Heightening what you've already started.
Well, I think they're all right.
I think they suck.
These are no different to the photos I've been using.
The difference is, these photos suck.
Well, why don't you go and find some bloody pictures, huh? Jacqueline, I think it's time we told Frank what we want.
Well actually, Frank, what I want is for Barry to head the Chalmers Chocolate account from now on.
What? I've been working on this account for years.
Christ, I was the one who brought it in! Yeah, but right now, Barry's the one who can keep it here.
I don't believe you.
And what happens when that stupid little gadget breaks down or it starts wearing off, what're you gonna do then? Frank, I'm sorry.
I know it's sudden but I've made up my mind.
And what am I supposed to do? Work under him? No.
You're not.
You're sacking me.
You're sacking me? I was the one got this agency back on its feet after Alistair left.
Me, not him.
Me.
Clear out your desk, Frank.
Now.
With pleasure.
Took that rather well, I thought.
Didn't put up much of a fight at all, did he? I have a feeling he knew it was coming.
As the new head of the Chalmers account, I say we celebrate.
Right.
I could use a drink.
I'll go get my coat.
You don't waste any time.
You little bastard.
It won't make you do anything you don't want to.
Why don't we take this back to my place.
That's a fine idea.
Shit! - I'm ready.
- So am I.
Barry? I know this might be a little ungratefuI, but I have a message from your ex-partner.
- You know Alistair? - Quite well.
And his message is, "Drop dead.
" Where are you? Barry? Is that you? Did Frank kill Jacqueline? Not exactly.
Oh, my God.
You did it? No, you did it.
Well, that's what the police will think when they find you.
Come here! Actually, the police won't think that at all.
They'll think you killed Jacqueline.
Which, of course, is exactly what you did.
Looks like you're going back to prison, after all.
You bastards! There he is! Go on! Go on! Grab him! You were right.
The silent version is much more powerfuI.
Much more powerfuI.
He took every suggestion we gave him.
What did he say? Something about the police, I think.
Barry, there are no police.
It's all in your mind.
That's easy for him to say.
More importantly, what does Ellen think? Is our most demanding client happy? That was the most amazing presentation I've ever seen.
And the account is still yours.
- Let's celebrate with a drink.
- Yes, yes, yes.
Suddenly, I'm dying for one.
Come on, let's go get something to eat.
I found this incredible restaurant nearby, it's Frank, you always say the smartest things.
I guess Barry didn't realize the ad campaign would be his.
Still, it's good to see that he's "groan" into the job.
So, everyone agrees to the truce, except you.
You know what that means, don't you? It means I have to kill you.
Take that! That's why they call me "The offer you can't refuse.
" English - SDH