Orange Is the New Black s07e10 Episode Script

1 [CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
[CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
[CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
[ALARM SOUNDING.]
- [TAMIKA.]
Kitchen? - [RICKY.]
Clear.
- [TAMIKA.]
Boiler room? - [RICKY.]
Clear.
- [TAMIKA.]
Laundry? - [MCCULLOUGH.]
Clear.
- Visitation? - [RICKY.]
Clear.
Rec room? - Rec room? Who checked rec room? - It was supposed to be Hellman.
I have rec yard, dumbass, so you fucked up.
No, I didn't.
I wrote it down.
So, you fucked up.
Whoa.
Not about who fucked up.
Our priority is finding Ms.
Morello.
During a prison break, our priority is securing the perimeter.
If one inmate gets out, others can, too.
- Prison break? - We should assume she's armed.
- Let's not catastrophize.
- What if she does have a weapon? We will finish the rest of the sweep in pairs.
Alvarez, Hopper, check the rec room.
[DIXON ON RADIO.]
Found her.
I need backup.
I'm in the chicken coop.
Hurry.
Change of plans.
You, you with me.
You guys stay here.
I see a bulge.
I think she's armed.
[TAMIKA.]
Ms.
Morello? Are you okay? Lower your weapon.
Ms.
Morello, we're entering the chicken coop now.
[WHISPERING.]
One, two Go, go, go! - [DIXON.]
Stop, inmate! - Wait! [SCREAMS.]
- Oh, shit.
- We got her.
Oh, fuck.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Is Is she okay? You did not have to do that.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- Hellman.
- [HELLMAN.]
Yeah? Pick her up, get her to medical.
Hey, hey.
It's okay.
There was a bulge.
Gently.
Okay.
[GRUNTS.]
There's your bulge.
[HELLMAN.]
Oh.
Wow.
Really smells like fried chicken.
[GASPS.]
Lockdown is now over.
Please resume regular activities, and do not try to escape like an idiot.
[GUARD.]
All right, ladies.
Come on out, if you want.
What, are you gonna puke? Don't puke.
We gotta do this post-lockdown checklist bullshit.
[PEN CLICKING.]
I need a minute.
Dude, do you know they can smell fear? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
"All inmates have been offered a chance to shower after the lockdown.
" Yeah, check.
But we didn't do that.
Go get a grip, okay? Seriously, go.
Come on.
I can handle a room full of cunts.
Get up.
There you go.
Jesus.
Have some water, maybe wash your face.
You look like shit.
Woof.
What the fuck you lookin' at, inmate? Sylvie, will you wait? Don't come to the bar if you're gonna embarrass me in front of my friends.
- You did that all on your own.
- Don't.
Will you stop? You're being ridiculous.
No, you're being ridiculous.
[ALEX SIGHS.]
God.
This shit would not happen if you weren't wasted.
- [SCOFFS.]
- We don't always have to close down the bar, you know? I wanted to leave an hour ago and you ignored me, like last weekend.
- [TUTS.]
You could've left.
- Really? Yeah.
So you could end up in a doorway somewhere? [SIGHS.]
I'm gonna go see if I can borrow that guy's thingie.
- [MAN.]
What the hell are you doing? - [WOMAN.]
Oh, my God! - Fuck.
Sylvie, get out of there.
- [SCOFFS.]
I'm not fucking around.
Come on.
- [TRAIN HORN BLARES.]
- [GASPS.]
- Fuck.
- [STRAINING.]
[TRAIN HORN BLARING.]
[ALEX.]
Oh, shit.
- Are you okay? - [ALEX.]
Yes, yes, we're okay.
We're good.
[SYLVIA SOBBING.]
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Shh.
- It's all good.
I got you.
- [CONTINUES SOBBING.]
I got you.
Red, you wanted to prep the potatoes for tomorrow, remember? I did? - Yeah.
Come on.
- Oh, that's right.
[IN SPANISH.]
Watch her.
was gonna wash these dishes, but I think that's the detention center version of a sock on the doorknob.
[SHUTTER RATTLES.]
Dinner's not until 6:00.
[SHUTTER RATTLES.]
- What? - [SHUTTER RATTLES.]
What? No food between meals.
[SPEAKING K'ICHE'.]
[SIGHS.]
She's not speaking Spanish.
Maybe she wants to volunteer? Uh, well, we are short one.
I got plenty for her to do.
Fine.
But teach her some English, will you? Okay.
Just relax.
Close your eyes.
- [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
- Take a deep breath.
All right, I'm gonna go so slow and be so gentle, okay? Okay.
[WINCES AND SHUDDERS.]
- Whoa, whoa.
That wasn't even - I know, but it hurt.
Sometimes, it even hurts when I pee.
- [SIGHS.]
- I don't think this is going to work.
[STAMMERS.]
I don't wanna hurt you.
It felt good until Okay.
Okay, great.
Uh You're not gonna hurt my feelings.
We're just workin' out the mechanics, all right? So, you gotta tell me everything.
I mean, this isn't about me proving that I'm fucking great at sex.
This is about you feeling amazing, yeah? What are you doing? Parsley? Isn't that usually a garnish? Hmm? Okay.
Um, right here.
Hey, Red, you ever heard of a country that does parsley soup? [RED SCREAMS.]
Oh, my God! Red! - I need help in the kitchen.
- [GUARD.]
Copy that.
- Yo, what the fuck? - What happened? Move away from the knife.
Nobody's touching any goddamn knives.
We need to get her to medical now.
Red, what happened? - I told you to watch her.
- I'm sorry.
- I don't need anyone watching me.
- She's bleeding.
Yeah, let's go.
Let go.
- You need to hold the pressure.
- Leave me alone, Nicky.
She needs to see a doctor.
She cut her finger.
I think I can handle stitches.
Great, but it's not just the finger.
She's been having trouble remembering things - and there have been mood swings.
- Don't listen to her.
She's doesn't know what she's talking about.
- Come on, Red.
- Okay.
Right now, let's just see about this hand, okay? Hey, I'll take you back to the block.
Hold on.
What happened to Morello? Well, after they found her, I think she was sedated for her own safety.
Come on.
Let's go.
[SIGHS.]
- Not bad, huh? - [PIPER.]
No.
[ZELDA.]
Hmm.
[PIPER.]
At my office, we only have posters of Manhattan.
[ZELDA.]
Never gets old.
Neither does the free lunch.
- Stumptown or Bitchin' Booch? - Surprise me.
[ZELDA CHUCKLES.]
I am so glad you finally got to come see where I work.
Yeah.
Now that the big prison secret is out at Chapman Accounting, my dad has relaxed a little bit.
He said he doesn't mind me setting my own hours as long as I get all my work done.
See? You ripped off the Band-Aid - and a beautiful scab began to form.
- [PIPER.]
Yeah.
[ZELDA.]
Does this mean you can come to yoga with me during the week, not just Sundays? [PIPER.]
Maybe, but I'm warning you, a good hip-opener class will definitely make me cry.
I can handle that.
Come, sit.
[GROANS.]
These swings remind me of the ones they had at the lounge in Barneys.
You used to work at Barneys? Were you a buyer? They bought from me.
I had an artisanal soap company for a hot second.
That's so cool.
Um, why haven't you gone back to that? Oh, it's complicated.
I started the company with my best friend.
And then she slept with my fiancé while I was in prison.
They slept with each other.
They're still together.
- [ZELDA.]
Mmm.
- [PIPER.]
Mmm-hmm.
Holy shit, woman.
So, what is it exactly that you do here? I help nonprofits raise money.
Right now, I'm working on this big benefit gala.
But say more about this fiancé.
What was her name? It's a small town, maybe I know her.
Larry.
[CHUCKLES.]
Excuse me.
- Are you okay? - [ZELDA.]
Mmm-hmm.
Clearly, I don't know enough about pre-prison Piper.
So, are you still in contact with them at all? I don't think they wanna hear from me.
The way we left things was pretty ugly.
But if you call and try and work it out, then the way you left things is no longer the way you left things.
You can reset.
I guess I've been waiting to feel like I'm ready to deal with all of that.
Piper, you will never feel like you're ready.
You just have to go for the pose and maybe you'll fall nose-first into someone's sweaty buttcrack, but exactly nothing happens if you just stand there, and you can't fix nothing.
See this phone of yours What are you doing? Larry, you say? There you go.
Call them now, right here.
What? No, that's a terrible idea.
Don't think, just do.
And, hey, if it royally sucks, at least you know you have someone here on your side at the end of it, no matter what.
- I can't believe I'm doing this.
- Just trust me.
I'll grab us some little cookies as a reward.
[LARRY.]
Try that.
Where does that go? Close.
See, we're working on your fine motor skills.
- Yeah, motor skills.
Yeah.
- [BABBLING.]
I mean, mine are better than yours, but you're getting there.
- [CELL PHONE RINGING.]
- You're really improving.
- Right there.
Try right there.
Hello? - [BABBLES.]
- Right here.
- [PIPER.]
Hi, Larry? Yeah, hi.
Who's this? Piper? Yeah, it's Piper.
I'm out.
You're out? Of prison? You're out of prison.
Oh, my God.
Whoa.
That's incredible.
Congratulations.
- [MOUTHS.]
Who is it? - It's Piper.
Piper.
Hold on, Piper.
Polly just walked in.
I'm putting you on speaker.
Hi, Polly.
How are you? Good.
Good.
Uh Um, I'm surprised to hear from you.
[PIPER.]
Yeah.
Well, I'm out of prison.
And I was wondering if you well, if you both of you Sorry, I know this is awkward, so don't feel like you have to, but I was wondering if maybe you'd wanna get coffee.
Oh.
We're off coffee these days.
Okay, that's okay.
Totally.
No problem.
I understand.
- How about dinner? Do you wanna do - [MOUTHS.]
What? - [MOUTHS.]
What? - [PIPER.]
Dinner? Yeah, dinner would be great.
Okay.
Um, you remember that sushi place we used to go to? The secret one under the parking garage that was actually pretty good? I love that place.
With the sushi guy who yo-yos, right? Yes, exactly.
I'll make a rezzy.
Polly and I have been wanting a date night, anyway.
So, perfect.
He's sorry for already putting his foot in his mouth.
[PIPER.]
It's okay.
It'll be great to see you guys.
Did he have his yogurt? Bye, Piper.
Bye.
[POLLY.]
I can't eat sushi, either.
All of the plastic in the oceans [LARRY.]
There's other things on the menu.
Bye, Piper.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
[LARRY.]
He just spread it across his face.
- I think he got a tablespoon.
- [POLLY.]
A tablespoon? - He needs to have a whole squeezy.
- [LARRY.]
I tried - [POLLY.]
It's okay.
You're a good dad.
- [LARRY.]
Thanks, babe.
And I I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did to you.
Honestly, I don't even remember doing it, trying to to drown you.
But I know that I did.
I'm not saying that I didn't.
What am I supposed to say to that? It's tough.
But the positive here is that Beth is not denying your experience.
She's totally admitting she caused you pain.
I think it's up to you to let her know what else you think can create justice in this situation.
Come on, now.
I guess I think justice would be keeping her locked up and away from everyone in here as much as possible.
Uh, if she doesn't have control of herself, don't we have to protect people from her? So So you never do things that you can't explain? Not like that.
Not so violent against another person.
Really? Do you have, like, a split personality or something? Or am I just not a person to you? CO Dixon, this program is mainly for the inmates and their victims.
I know.
I'm a victim, she's an inmate.
And I'd like to confront my perpetrator, same way she got to.
Uh, the victims go through training on how to process their trauma before confronting their offenders.
- I would be happy to help you - It's okay.
He's right.
If he wants to talk to me, can we let him talk? Okay.
Okay.
Beth, thank you.
Good work.
CO Dixon, why don't you have a seat? Why don't you start by telling the offender what happened to you? During the riot, you held me hostage.
Yes.
- I'm sorry about that.
- [DIXON.]
You imprisoned me, you tortured me, you humiliated me, and I haven't been the same ever since.
When the alarms went off during the lockdown yesterday, it all came back.
I still can't sleep.
And even when I try to fall asleep, all I can see are nightmares of you and your baton.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
And I'll never be able to use a port-a-potty again.
[SNIFFLES AND WHIMPERS.]
[SOBBING.]
I am so, so sorry.
I put you through some awful shit.
No pun intended.
And what I did to you is still messing you up.
Look, I I I can't take it back.
I wish I could.
But I hope it maybe helps you a little that I do know what I did to you.
And I'm trying real hard to be a better person so no one else ever has to feel the way you feel because of me.
- Do you want a hug? - No.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Hey.
Hey, come here.
I've done some fucked-up shit, too.
Thank you for apologizing.
It doesn't fix anything, but it means a lot.
Okay.
Okay.
Great work, everybody.
Wow.
[CHUCKLES.]
I think we all just saw how restorative justice can lead us to some unexpected places if we give it a chance.
I'll see you all next class.
Good work.
Let's go.
Hi.
[EXHALES HEAVILY AND CHUCKLES.]
Um, I'm just here to make sure we're still on for dinner next week.
My boyfriend is way too excited to cook for other people.
Fig will make a show of pushing food around her plate, - and I'll eat for both of us.
- Okay.
- I look forward to it.
Thank you.
- Me, too.
Um I hope you're proud of the work you're doing here, Mr.
Caputo.
I think we are really starting to see the positive impacts of our programs.
[NARRATOR ON TV.]
Russia, today, is regarded, as a grave threat to our nation, to our freedom, to the peace of the world.
Why so? What makes it a threat? Looking closer, we see a clue.
Excuse me.
This isn't on the test.
So? So? We aren't learning anything we need to know.
I am.
History is a continuum that loops around.
- Can you please be quiet? - [PENNSATUCKY.]
No.
Hey, when are we gonna get a teacher who actually teaches? [SIGHS.]
I don't know.
Whenever they get one approved by the BOP, so a few months? That's after the GED test.
You want me to teach you somethin'? Here's an important life lesson.
She who does not care can never be disappointed.
Try caring less.
Substitutes always suck.
Fine.
Class dismissed.
Wait.
"The proletarians had nothing to lose but their" what? Don't ask for math help or some shit, 'cause I don't do that.
Nah.
I got a business proposition for you.
You like math in your bank account? Hold on.
I think you're about to ask me to do somethin' illegal.
Okay, I'll do it.
You don't even know what it is.
[SCOFFS.]
Let me guess.
You want me to sneak somethin' in for you.
Uh You sell it, I get a cut.
Yep.
We're getting fentanyl patches 'cause they're easier to hide inside books, and you can bring the books in this class.
Nah, if I bring in books, they'll be suspicious.
I'll keister it.
Okay.
People usually don't volunteer to do that.
That's the best way, trust me.
No one wants to look up my turd pipe.
Well, since it don't matter to you what you stick up there, it's gonna be pills 'cause they're easier to get.
Fine by me.
Hey, if I don't bring it in, some other asshole will.
[CHUCKLES.]
My people will be in touch.
You get it? "Other asshole"? Nothin'? Jesus.
- [INHALES DEEPLY.]
- [CHICKENS CLUCK.]
It is a beautiful, bountiful day in New Cluck City.
Yeah.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Look at that one, flapping its happy little wattles.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh.
No, look at that one, just chilling and laid-back.
Aww.
It's sunning.
Taking a sun day, on a Saturday.
[CHUCKLES.]
No.
I think Lady Cacciatore has gone the way of all flesh.
[SUZANNE.]
Oh.
[LOLLY.]
Maybe she just got a sunstroke.
You know how addicts, when they get clean, and they overdose 'cause they lost their tolerance? Maybe she got too much sun 'cause she's just used to the shade.
- It's just sad.
- No.
This was a murder.
[LOLLY.]
The thirteenth? Family nefarious, genus vituperrious, species chicken.
Oh, you were right about her.
Well, what are we supposed to do? We're going to isolate it so it doesn't strike again.
We can't let it disrupt the peaceful, law-abiding lives of the others.
What about the chicken that got killed? It's dead.
What are we supposed to do with its body? [GASPS.]
We eat it.
No, we are going to secretly bury it, and we are going to pretend like this never happened.
This is startin' to feel a little familiar.
- How's your day going, Ms.
Cathy? - Not too bad, thank you for asking.
I learned a new stitch today, the Double Tunisian.
It gives you some open, airy space in whatever you're makin'.
[BOTH WHISPERING.]
You had a major crisis incident in which a psychotic inmate was found in one of your chicken programs? Good afternoon.
I wouldn't call it a major crisis.
This is a corrections facility, not a Waldorf school.
These programs have been nothing but problematic.
And I just passed Joe Caputo in the hallway.
Joe Caputo.
Apparently, he's in charge of some kind of group therapy? Do you have any idea what you're doing? Yes.
I am saving you a lot of money.
When we give people goals and activities, they are far less likely to act out.
We've already seen fewer violent confrontations, which means you're not spending as much on medical.
So, the GED program saves you money.
The farm therapy program saves you money.
And I'm not sure what your personal history is with Joe Caputo, but the very good work he's doing here is saving you money.
I appreciate that.
But know that your grace period here is over, and I will have no problem replacing you the second anything else goes wrong.
Understood.
If anything else should need your attention, I will be the one to inform you.
[DOOR UNLOCKS.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You okay? - Yeah.
I'm fine.
Just feel dumb that you saw me like that earlier.
They said the missing inmate might have a weapon, so I just freaked out.
[CHUCKLES.]
Lorna? Sorry.
I know it's irrational, but when the riot started, I didn't know when it was gonna end, you know? It kept escalating.
So now, even when little things happen, I think, "Is this the beginning of something really fucked up?" I thought you weren't doing that anymore.
I did, too.
It's okay.
This fucking place.
Ow.
Shit.
[SIGHS.]
[ALEX SIGHS.]
[SNIFFLES.]
It's like a fear takes over my whole body, and then, when it passes, it makes no sense 'cause it's like everything's just fine again.
I need a way to feel like something bad happened, or to let it out, you know? Just so I know I didn't imagine it.
We're gonna find another way.
Have you seen my eyeliner sharpener? - You look amazing.
- But do I look six months sober? I think that you could pass for six months and three days.
- Oh, what's this? - Sparkling apple cider.
Congratulations, babe.
It's a big fuckin' deal.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- I made dinner reservations for us.
- You did? You did not tell me.
Well, I wanted it to be a surprise.
I already made plans with my sponsor and some of my AA group.
We're going out after the meeting tonight.
Oh.
Well, I guess you didn't tell me that, either.
Well, you usually work on Saturday nights, and you know you're invited.
- You're always invited.
- Okay.
- [SYLVIA SCOFFS.]
- Oh, come out with us.
Why are you acting so butthurt? I don't know.
Maybe it's because you have this whole new life, and you say things like "butthurt" now.
I do have a whole new life.
I thought that was the point.
It is.
I just don't feel like I'm a part of it.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, come on, Alex.
Of course you're a part of it.
But it took a village to get me this far.
It wasn't only you.
And my sober friends are really important to me, and you have not even tried to get to know them.
I just wanted it to be the two of us tonight.
Well, I am sorry.
Wait a second, I thought you were done with him.
- Didn't he kill your cat? - He didn't mean to.
[ALL LAUGH.]
But, yeah, I am.
I am.
I'm done with him.
Unless he's not done with me.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Walkin' in, fresh meat.
Weren't you gonna catch up with Sylvie and drink some ginger beers? Yeah.
Maybe one more round of the real stuff, though.
[MAN.]
Sweet.
You're buying.
Right, Daddy Warbucks? - Always.
- [ALL LAUGH.]
[PENNSATUCKY.]
"Find the length of the hypot hypot" "Hypotenuse".
- Hypotenuse.
- How am I gonna remember all of that? For hypotenuse, I think of "cut the hype", 'cause it reminds me of cuttin' a corner.
So, for example, right? I used to cut the hypotenuse through Mr.
O'Connor's yard on the way home from school.
Yeah, like, "Hey, get off my lawn.
" Well, Mr.
O'Connor's yard was more of a junkyard, not a lawn, and he had this pit bull on a chain named Salmon, but whatever.
You get it.
Heard you're tutoring? New teach is, like, horri-bad.
Yeah, Luschek has many gifts, but academics is the flaw in his tapestry.
You okay with that? I mean, as long as they wanna learn.
All right, go and sit down.
We're on page 58.
Damn! You're all waiting to buy? I got plenty of quality shit at reasonable prices.
We're studying for the GED.
[LAUGHS.]
Yo Yo, the GED ain't worth shit.
Yo, y'all wanna make it out there, you need cash money, so you could afford a roof over your head, instead of shackin' up with some pasty, bald one-and-done.
So you could eat, instead of hustlin' some bullshit pyramid scams.
So you could afford a real fuckin' lawyer.
So you don't gotta end up back in here with your stank-asses.
[CHUCKLES.]
What the fuck a diploma ever do for you out there? Exactly.
So You need a towel or somethin'? 'Cause your sad life is leakin' out all over the place.
Yeah, yo.
Can you just leave? We gotta focus.
Yeah, you know what? Fine.
Psst.
Y'all wanna waste your time and also not get high? Knock yourselves out, bitches.
[CHUCKLING.]
GED.
Peace.
All right, so we're workin' on the Pythagorean theorem.
Let's go, kitchen crew.
Your Zamboni awaits.
This is everybody for today.
Is Red gonna be okay? That is a big question that I don't know how to answer.
Has anybody heard anything about Lorna? I heard she had a psychotic breakout.
What? Who told you that? Did somebody see her? Ms.
Nichols? You've been requested in medical.
Is this about Morello? [DOCTOR.]
Come in, Ms.
Nichols.
Um, I don't think she wants to see me.
Well, have a seat so I can go over the diagnosis with you.
Diagnosis? It's okay, yeah.
Come in.
[DOCTOR CLEARS THROAT.]
Ms.
Reznikov, your symptoms are consistent with early onset dementia.
The rapid progression was probably caused by an acute case of delirium that began while you were isolated in the segregated housing unit.
But your blood work also shows a severe urinary tract infection, which almost certainly intensified the delirium.
We can treat the UTI and the delirium with medication, but, unfortunately, the dementia will continue to compromise her functioning.
I can't say how quickly, but eventually, you'll need assistance with all the activities of daily life.
[NICKY CRYING.]
[DOCTOR.]
I asked Ms.
Reznikov if there was someone she trusts, and she said you.
I'll give you two a moment.
- I'm sorry.
- No.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
So sorry.
I'll be here, okay? I'm here.
I'm here, okay? It's okay.
It's okay.
When you let in the murder bird, did you know it was a killer? No.
But I was advised to keep the border strong against invaders, and I didn't listen.
All I can do now is try to keep it from happening again.
So, I isolated the offender away from the other chickens.
You put the chicken in the SHU? [SCOFFS.]
SHU has a negative connotation.
I put her in a therapeutic module.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
[SCOFFS.]
You can have mine.
I'm not hungry.
Let's just hope you moduled the right chicken.
What do you mean? The murderer had to be the new chicken.
Do you have a witness? No, but the new chicken was making furtive movements and was acting shifty.
Plus, everything was fine before the new chicken showed up.
Was it? "I used to think that it was all my fault.
That I deserved to be treated shitty by you.
But I didn't.
" [CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Uh, give me a break, Kimberly.
It was business.
You made money, I made money.
I didn't make you have sex with me, like your last pimp.
I treated you well.
[ANNALISA.]
"You sent me out with super dangerous guys, and I got trich trichomoniasis four times.
" Uh, but, Kim, you said you were okay with the rough ones.
Time out.
If someone comes to me and tells me, "This is what you did to me," it's my job to listen to them.
It's not my place to correct what they're thinking or what they're feeling.
Damiva, give up your seat.
Vazquez, I'm gonna play your victim.
What up, Kim? Oh, you lookin' kind of bald these days.
[INMATES LAUGH.]
Okay, Juanita.
Okay, come on, now.
Let's take this seriously.
Kim is gonna tell Ms.
Vazquez what she experienced as a victim.
And I will use Kim's witness statement to play her role.
Juanita - I want you - Can I ask you somethin' first, Kim? - Yes.
- Why'd you turn me in, you snitchin' bag whore? I'm in prison now 'cause of you.
"I turned you in because someone needed to stop you.
" [CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Sorry.
Sorry.
"I turned you in because I didn't want other girls to go through what I went through.
" Uh-huh.
What you went through? Well you went through my coke like a champ, I know that.
[CHUCKLING.]
Kim, you're a crazy little powder puff girl? Hmm? You're not listening to me.
I'm trying to tell you what I went through because of you.
What did you go through, Kim? "In the beginning, I thought you were my friend.
But if I didn't do what you wanted [SIGHS.]
you punished me.
- I never knew what to expect.
" - For real? When you fuck for money, expect the life.
You're still not listening to me.
And you weren't even that good at it.
All the complaints I got on you about too much teeth, stanky bush She's trying to tell you what you did to her, and you will not listen to her.
Mr.
Caputo, are you okay? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I wish you would tell me what really happened.
Oh.
But if it was you, how can I believe anything that you say? [CHICKENS CLUCKING.]
Why is this one in an inappropriately-sized enclosure? - Misbehaved.
- Ah.
Is this helping? - Hard to say.
- [DWIGHT.]
No! [STUTTERS.]
No.
No, this isn't happening.
It sure is.
Another jail bird, gone to be with the chickens in the sky.
I locked up an innocent chicken.
Kitchen crew! [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
- What? I'm doing Duolingo.
Hey.
Hey, welcome back.
You okay? [NICKY.]
Hey.
Uh, I heard they found you at the chicken coop, but, uh, that doesn't sound right.
You You hate the country life.
I don't know.
The last thing I remember is Vinnie Vinnie came to see me.
And then, he took the baby away.
And then, he said he wasn't coming back.
- Mmm-mmm.
He can't do that.
- No, he absolutely cannot do that.
[STAMMERS.]
What do you mean, uh, that he took the baby away? Just tell me what he said.
Why don't you just get some rest for now, okay? And I'm gonna try to find you something decent to eat, okay? Shh.
Here you go.
Hold on.
I'll get your feet.
Okay.
Got your little feet.
There you go, babe.
[WHIMPERS.]
You know, you should've told me about this.
No, I'm sorry, because I should've been there for you.
Uh Yeah, I've just been failing everybody lately.
[SOBBING.]
I'm hoping it's a phase, you know? My, uh I'm-such-a-fuckin'-asshole, how-did-I-miss-that phase, right? [SIGHS.]
Okay.
[MOUTHS.]
I mean [WHISPERING.]
I can't go.
She can barely walk.
You know, I'm gonna stay here with her.
Okay.
I'll tell Ginger you're sick.
Otherwise, they're gonna make you go.
Thanks.
Uh, hey, just, uh, tell Shani that I'm sorry I can't be there with her.
Uh, tell her I've been on a disappointing people spree, so she shouldn't feel alone in my neglect, you know? I I'll see her as soon as I can.
[SCOFFS AND SIGHS.]
[SHUDDERING.]
Up? Or down? It looks very elegant up, but romantic down.
Hi.
I'm here to meet my friends.
The reservation is under Bloom.
Larry Bloom.
- Yes, let's see.
- And it's four people now.
- Hi, I'm here.
- [GASPS.]
Yes, four people.
I'm the fourth.
Ah.
Thank you so much for doing this.
I know you're in very high demand.
Of course.
I'm here to buffer.
Just call me Buffer the Awkwardness Slayer.
Your party is here.
I believe they're waiting for you at the bar.
Let's do this.
Oh.
You were engaged to him? Very nice.
I get it.
No, Larry is a different type.
Hi.
Larry.
- Hi.
Piper, hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
Wow.
I wanted to see if they still had those amazing Japanese toilets.
- Mmm-hmm.
- They do.
My asshole is incredibly clean right now.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
This is my friend Zelda.
Oh.
Hi, I'm I'm Larry.
Zelda.
I've heard only scandalous things about you, but I'm relieved to know that at the very least, your anus is immaculate.
- Shall we? - Yeah, let's do that.
[PHONE LINE RINGING.]
[ON RECORDING.]
Hi, it's Piper.
I'm not available right now.
[SIGHS.]
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
Piper.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Concentrate.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Look at that form.
She's got the form.
She's got the form.
[GROANS AND SQUEALS.]
She did it.
- [LAUGHING.]
- [PANTING.]
- I can't do a headstand.
- [BOTH LAUGHING.]
[ZELDA.]
I think she did a headstand.
I can't do a headstand.
[PIPER GRUNTING.]
[SYLVIA.]
Get out! And stay the fuck away from her! [DOOR CLOSES.]
Unbelievable.
You were already cheating on me? You didn't have to punch her.
I thought we were on pause.
Why the fuck would you think we're on pause? Maybe because you screamed at me, you broke a lamp and then you disappeared for three days? I told you, I was trying to figure shit out! You can't just decide to go fuck the first J.
Crew sale rack that comes along! Sylvie, we are not in the same thing anymore.
No.
No, you you need me to be broken so you feel needed, and now that I'm doing better, you're pushing me away.
Oh, is that what's going on? I'm not your fuckin' father.
I'm not gonna walk out on you.
This is what you do.
You are so afraid of losing control that you just blow shit up before anyone can hurt you.
[SIGHS.]
[ZELDA.]
Oh, my gosh.
Look at all these cookies! [BOTH SQUEAL.]
Cookies.
Ha! Am I stupid? What do you mean? We're not doing anything wrong.
I am a prisoner taking a shower, and you're a CO who's watching me.
No, like, am I stupid for thinking this is a thing? Like, a real thing? Because I feel like I'm I'm You're not stupid.
I miss them.
I do.
Cal and I had some solid man-time out in the woods.
Oh, you should call him.
I bet he'd love to see you.
You two could have a dad date.
- Yeah? - Would that be weird? I think we're past weird.
I mean, you guys are together, I'm married, we're all okay.
You're married? Oh, no, to Alex.
How's How's that going? It's good.
I mean, as you know, it's hard when one of you is in prison.
But I think we're finding a way to stay connected and open.
With each other, not like an open relationship.
Although, we did try that.
- Oh, really? - See? - It never works.
- That's not what she said She implied it.
Sasa dango.
You remembered.
They don't have it on the menu anymore, but you can get it by request.
Larry.
[SERVER.]
Warm sake? - And you? - Oh, none for me.
But you love warm sake.
[POLLY.]
I know.
I'm pregnant.
- Wow.
- [ZELDA EXCLAIMS.]
That was fast.
- Well, we wanted them to be close in age.
- [LARRY.]
Close, yeah.
It's a boy.
I'm gonna have a house full of dick.
- [ZELDA CHUCKLES.]
- You're our queen bee.
My sister and I are 16 months apart.
We fought constantly up until puberty, and then, we just suddenly decided we loved each other the most.
And she is my best friend.
Okay, so only the next 12 years will be rough.
Noted.
[LAUGHING.]
I'm happy for you.
I mean it.
I'm glad that you two have each other.
- [LARRY CLEARS THROAT.]
- [SERVER.]
So, three cards? - How much is it? - Let's split it, Larry.
I got you.
There you go.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- It's so great to be back on crack, kids.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, except fenty ain't cheap-ass crack.
It's fuckin' strong.
Way better than your mom's shit.
You should You should call it that, Not Your Mom's Shit.
Isn't fentanyl what killed Prince? Mmm.
Call it Purple Rain.
I think Not Your Mom's Shit is more distinctive, - and it speaks more to our local market.
- [ALL CHUCKLE.]
Can I take your tray for you? That's how y'all ought to be treating me around here.
Wanna pay me to put your tampons in for you? [VAZQUEZ.]
Ugh! What the fuck is the matter with you? Nothin'.
I heard the Kardashians have a person.
I'm tryin' to keep up.
May I join you? Fuck off, ferret.
Seems like you could use a friend.
Yo, I like to eat alone.
Lookin' at rodents turns my stomach.
Your relation has a new connect.
Daya got a new pipeline? Who? Maybe you don't like rodents, but moles can be useful.
- [SIGHS.]
- Does she see us together? Yeah.
Good.
Then she's watching her enemies join forces.
Hey, they just confirmed next Friday for our IVF.
Hello? Next Friday might be the day your sperm and my egg finally get their shit together - and move into my uterus.
- [KNOCKS AT DOOR.]
- I have to resign.
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- Hi.
So glad you're here.
- Hi.
- Us, too.
- Yeah.
It's great.
So, I heard you had your first lockdown.
How'd you do? I think I did great.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, no small thanks to Professor Caputo's class.
You both have been so ridiculously helpful.
I don't know what I would've done without you two.
I bet you would've figured it out, - smart lady like you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Well, I know you think I can do anything, but I'm just saying, uh, it was definitely easier with your support.
- Joe, Natalie, here's to you both.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Okay, the three of you.
- [ALL LAUGH.]
Well, I'm glad that somebody's getting some benefit from all those years we spent in hell.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hmm.
And not to keep talking shop, but I gotta ask, how's it going with you and hell bitch herself? - I gotta resign from restorative justice.
- No, you don't.
[STUTTERS.]
He's overreacting.
To what? There is a restraining order against me.
It's bullshit.
He got Me-Too'd over nothing.
It wasn't nothing.
And I didn't get Me-Too'd.
I was not the victim.
So, you did it? Did what? Yes, I did it.
There was a young woman, Susan Fischer.
She was a CO at camp, and I liked her.
And it was inappropriate.
I created an atmosphere at work that was sexualized and it made her uncomfortable, and I crossed lines I shouldn't have.
And when she rejected me, I fired her.
[TAMIKA.]
Hmm.
It's not the only reason he fired her.
She wasn't exactly a star CO.
You do have to resign.
Yeah.
Well, uh I made profiteroles.
[PIPER.]
Do you think that some relationships I don't know, complete? Like, you reach the end of them, and you don't need anything else there? - Yes.
- Oh.
Yes, and also, I think some relationships never do, in a good way.
They just continue to evolve, surprise you.
Well, I am zonked.
I'll see you at yoga? Yes, okay.
I'll see you there.
I want you to know, I fully support whatever shampoo you're using.
[LAUGHING.]
Well Thanks for a fun night, Piper.
Would you want to be my plus one at this gala thing? I'd love to.
Good night.
Good night.
["WELCOME TO LOVE" PLAYING.]
Welcome to love Welcome to love - We're coming to an end - [PHONE LINE RINGING.]
Is that what you want, honey? Please tell me if it is Forgot some things at your house Forgot to phone my mother - I bet that you are now - [CELL PHONE VIBRATING.]
Right about to fuck her I can send some bad advice Still, you never sacrifice But somehow you got it I am in your world You believe in the afterlife We still talk until we fight Your god was pretty funny For making me your girl Feel too much You are my hero Once was enough I'm such an idiot Feel too much You don't love anyone Once was enough I'm a god damn idiot Welcome to love Welcome to love I don't want to live, my dreams are just going to die I don't want to give you my love Want to keep it with you