Scrubs s07e10 Episode Script

Times were changing.
Dr Kelso had quit, so the Board had made Dr Cox the interim Chief of Medicine.
I don't want everybody making a big deal out of this.
I'm certainly not going to.
- Dr Cox - Chief Dr Cox.
Right.
The Board wants to know when you're coming to the budget meeting.
Tell them I will be right down.
He's on his way.
- You're not going, are you? - Not now, not ever.
How exciting is it that you run this place now? I'm so proud of you.
It's like a whole new day has dawned.
Do me a big favour there, Barbo, get that prescription filled for me.
"One chill pill.
" It's for you.
Unlimited refills.
Hey, Chief, I need your approval on this settlement letter from the drug company that makes Plomox.
Turns out if diabetics take it, it can cause hypertension or even death.
Diabetics can die from what? From not doing the laundry this morning the way they promised to.
Baby, I ain't never promised to do the laundry.
I promised I'd try to get to it and I wasn't able to.
You know what? I don't have time for all this Plomox crap.
My daughter is having her shunt removed.
Granted, not a life-threatening procedure, but still, I have to be there to hold Jordan's claw.
And besides, this stuff happened on Bob's watch.
I'm quite certain he'd want to take care of it.
Won't you please give him a call? He wasn't receptive.
Dr Kelso's absence wasn't bad news for everyone in the hospital.
We have a quorum.
Thank you, Ted.
I would like to welcome everyone to the new Brain Trust Clubhouse.
Or, as I like to call it, the Brainhouse.
Can I make a motion? Lf, by a motion, you mean a literal motion, in which you simulate a crude sexual act, then absolutely not.
Withdrawn.
Gentlemen, the first order of business is this: From now on, our tri-daily meetings will all take place right here.
Can we just take this office? Ted, we live in a country called America.
And in America, every man is free to do as he or she wishes and to claim anything he or she wishes with a simple act of planting a flag.
In the same manner, I claimed my parking space, the dead possum across the street and Doug's sandwich.
How did he do that? Thank you.
So I forgot to do laundry this morning, but I stood up to Carla anyway.
Wow, that takes a lot of ball.
See? I made it singular 'cause you only have one man-berry.
Not for long.
I'm getting an implant.
Why? Is it because your balance is off? I didn't want to say anything, but you have been turning left more often than usual.
No, it's not 'cause Look, I don't even care.
It's not like anyone notices.
I never stopped noticing.
Anyway, Carla wants me to get it so now I have to pick out a prosthetic.
Hello, and welcome to Ball-Mart.
Turk, look at all the different styles.
This one has a diamond stud in it.
And this one says "I'm With Stupid" and has an arrow pointing to the real one.
This one has a thermostat and doubles as a hand-warmer.
You know, that would be perfect for next weekend's ice fishing trip.
I can't believe we all fell through that hole in the ice.
If we don't warm up soon, we're all gonna die.
Hey, why aren't you cold? All right.
Come on.
All right, now nobody makes eye contact.
This is Heaven.
Careful, y'all, that bad boy runs hot.
You're telling me.
Hey, guys, how was fishing? It was all right.
Best trip ever.
Ice fishing-five! Hey.
You're gonna be late for your shift.
I gotta stop with the long fantasies.
They're never worth it.
All right, kid, I expect updates on my daughter every 15 minutes, or what, Perry? You will be let go.
I love that you're the boss now.
Honest to God, it almost makes you seem attractive.
Thanks.
How in the hell did Kelso deal with all this paperwork? What do you want, Ted? Now that you're Chief, I'm your number two.
I think you'll find me more than qualified.
I'm hard-working, reliable and I recently figured out how to open up my briefcase.
Congrats.
Take a look at that for me and grab me a cup of coffee.
No sweat.
I just had it.
- Dr Cox - Chief Dr Cox.
Hey, your initials are C.
D.
C.
That was my nickname in my sorority.
Crying Drunk Chick.
Of course.
Anyway, you know that Plomox lawsuit? Well, last year I prescribed it to one of my diabetic patients who might be entitled to some of that settlement money.
So I was just wondering if you could have someone cover my patients while I go meet with him.
Whatever it takes to get you to stop talking.
Hey, I'll drive you if we can pick up Sam from day care on the way back.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
- Cool.
I just want you to know my thoughts and prayers are with your daughter.
Can you make him stop talking? I've tried for seven years.
It can't be done.
Okay, lzzy is down for her nap.
What's with the champagne? Celebration.
Izzy's sleeping through the night and us finally finding a nanny who's not a thief.
I still don't think we needed to fire Mrs Norton just because she ate the last of your rice pudding.
I wrote my name on it, okay? No! It's No, wait! I wrote my Sorry.
My point is, for the first time since you were pregnant, I feel like we finally have time to be us again.
- Let's do this.
- Let's do it! - Baby, no, come on, no.
- Let me do it.
- I know how to do it.
- Just come Now let I got it.
Look what Baby.
To us.
Ted, what are you doing? I'm bringing a cup of coffee to Dr Cox.
Why? That's not your job.
Come on, you got a fresh start here.
You gonna stick to the same dynamic you had with Dr Kelso? Remember how that started? Hi, Dr Kelso.
Theodore Buckland, licensed attorney.
Ted, before you get started, and trust me, I hate asking this, would you mind doing me one tiny little non-work-related favour? No problem, man.
Make sure you get the back side of that grill.
I hit the neighbour's cat last night.
Quick little bastard.
I had to cross two lanes to get him.
My point is you could be a whole new Ted.
Now, come on.
Turn around.
Chest out, stand tall.
Chin up.
Blink your eyes real fast.
Just kidding, that was for me.
Give me that.
- Don't you have to clean that up? - Not on Tuesdays.
Now I want you to get in there, and tell Dr Cox what's what.
- Dr Cox.
- Chief Dr Cox.
Chief Dr Cox, I'm a lawyer.
I shouldn't have to get you coffee.
How do you feel about that? I can't even pretend to care.
Fine, no more getting me coffee.
Is this really that big of a moment for you? - My patient's running late.
- Why are we meeting him here? Because the last time I met a patient at their house, I ended up on the news.
- Was that the crack raid? - It was.
We're just gonna wait? I wish Turk was here.
I wonder what he's doing right now.
I just want to make sure everything's normal.
I'm only feeling one testicle.
Yeah, you are.
Why do you wish Turk was here? I don't know.
We'd goof around.
Why can't you goof around with me? Elliot, our friendship is different than mine and Turk's.
I can goof around, J.
D.
I can goof around hard.
- Really? - Yeah.
Then follow me.
And now we wait.
Hey, Mr Middle Eastern manager guy, I hope you got a tight grip on that drink.
One cheeseburger and fries, please! All right, you got to hold on to that new confidence, yeah? There's Cindy.
Let me see the new Ted in action.
Hey, Cindy.
I want to make you pregnant.
How did I do? For the first time, I'm looking down at your bald head and I'm not just seeing my reflection.
I'm seeing a man.
Come on.
Nice work on the renovation, boys.
We also had an organ donor come into the morgue today, so I'd like to introduce our new mascot, Barry Morris' brain.
I dub that gross.
Second? Okay, noted in the minutes as "gross.
" Now, next order of business.
Activities.
I had an idea for tonight.
Why don't we play cards? It's Tuesday, Ted.
On Tuesdays, you guys clean the hospital, remember? We went over this when I threw down your coffee.
I want to play cards! I am not being ridiculous.
To be safe, I'm gonna line your boxers with bubble wrap.
Look, we haven't talked about whether we want another kid and if something happened I just don't want that decision to be made for us.
No decision's been made.
Are you sure? I know there's only one down there, but he's the better one.
He's like Tina Turner after she left lke.
Stronger, more confident and he's gonna have a very successful solo career.
Okay? Okay.
Stop yelling! It's funny every time.
Are you Dr Reid? I'm Adam Candy.
I never treated you.
Oh, great, I called the wrong one.
Wait, if you weren't my patient, then why did you agree to meet me here? You said there might be money.
Well, there isn't.
J.
D.
, let's go.
Wait.
This looks promising.
The truth is we bring most of our trouble on ourselves.
Whether it's creating a monster in your own ranks Okay.
So everyone has their mop? Why do we always have to do what you want to do? or pulling a prank that causes an irate customer to yank a fast-food manager through a window and drive off with him.
Stop! What are you doing? Let go! - That's new.
- Stop him! Yep, even something as simple as opening a bottle of champagne can have huge ramifications.
Still bubbly.
So, are we still celebrating the same thing as before? No.
I want another baby.
Now.
You want another minute to think about it? Yeah, okay.
The manager's fine.
Luckily, he maced the driver with a packet of hot sauce before they got to the freeway.
Okay, he doesn't know you caused this, so stay calm.
Any more information I should know? Yes, but not about this.
We're doctors.
We like to give out health tips.
You should wear sunscreen, even with your dark complexion.
Nice save.
We did it.
We put up the sign.
You should also stay hydrated.
J.
D.
, we have to take responsibility, okay? You gonna cuff us? For a paper sign? No.
You know how many people get shot around here? She probably does.
You know she got caught on TV in a crack den? Why? Well, I'm sure he probably knows.
It's on the docket.
Okay, there's one thing we have to remember, and that's that I decide what's best for the Brain Trust.
I thought this was a democracy.
Oh, then it's just miscommunication.
No, the Brain Trust is a dictatorship masquerading as a democracy.
I know that you all remember when I seized power during the revolution of '02 when I overthrew Kyle during The Battle of the Basement Supply Closet.
Or have you forgotten your history? Well, maybe I'll just start my own Brain Trust.
You can't.
Brain Trust is a registered trademark.
I own that name.
And Chanel.
Well, maybe I'll just call it the Brain Bunch.
You wouldn't dare.
Brain Bunch! I'm staying.
Brain Trust! You mind switching? You know how this guy makes me crazy.
Oh, fine.
- Brain Trust! - Brain Bunch! Okay, I'm ready to tell you what I think.
I think pregnancy was really tough on you, and the postpartum stuff put a strain on our relationship, and we finally got our life back and so it's really hard to think about having another baby right now.
Okay, I said it.
You can kick my ass now if you want.
Turk, I'm not mad.
To do this, we both have to be onboard.
Just Promise me you'll keep thinking about it.
Yeah.
Come here.
Hey, did you know that women actually have a hormone that helps them forget all that horrible pregnancy stuff? Really? That's interesting because men have a hormone that helps them forget about sleeping with fat chicks.
You used that hormone a lot when you were younger, didn't you? Frick.
I can't find Adam Candy.
All right, what was he wearing the last time you saw him? J.
D.
, that was three years ago.
Why do you care so much if this guy gets money? I didn't ask for your help, okay? What's going on here? This is a Brain Trust table.
I don't see your flag on it.
That's because we're not using flags any more.
We're using napkin holders.
There.
Brain Trust table.
Those two should have their own sitcom.
I'm a lawyer I'm a janitor Together we adopted a cute little kid We're Legal Custodians - Get it? - Get it? I'd watch that show.
Would you? Will Dr Cox please report to the Board meeting? - Dr Cox.
- Chief Dr Cox.
Correction.
Chief Dr Cox.
- That was weird.
- No, not so weird.
I'm just having him do the announcements right over there.
Hey, Jordan.
You look nice today.
Thank you.
What's the deal there, gum ball? Carla wants another kid, but I'm not sure yet.
I can't help but go to a dark place, you know? We're already blessed with this beautiful, healthy daughter, but what if the amnio comes back, and it's the worst possible news? It's another girl.
- You're having another baby? - I don't know yet.
I'll tell you what I don't know.
What I'm gonna do about New Ted.
Who's he talking to? - Another baby would be so cool, dude.
- Old Ted was cool.
Which one is Ted? Did he have a baby with the Janitor? Only in their sitcom.
Legal Custodians Get it? You people are driving me crazy.
You know who's driving me crazy? Elliot.
She's obsessed with getting money for one of her patients who took Plomox.
I should have more patience with New Ted.
He means the other kind of patience, right? I'm not sure.
I'm lost.
- I'm lost, too.
- Me, too.
How do I make this decision? That decision has already been made.
If Carla wants to have another baby, she's gonna have another baby.
The one thing you got to focus on, is getting something out of this deal for yourself.
I created New Ted, so I should deal with it myself.
Thank you very much.
Glad to be of help.
I'm out.
You want to get something good from Carla? You got to just pretend that you really don't even want another kid.
But that's not true.
Yeah, but you walk around this hospital acting like you have two testicles and that's damn sure not true.
And I'm in.
We're having a fake one put in.
If Carla wants you to have a baby so badly, why would she insist you have a surgery that could potentially harm your one working nut? Carla doesn't want the prosthetic.
- I do.
- Why would you lie? Sometimes you say you're doing something for someone else when you really want to do it for yourself.
I get it.
Maybe that's what Elliot's doing.
What in the hell are you talking about? I'm just doing this thing where I use a slice of wisdom from someone else's life, to solve a problem in my own life.
- Seems coincidental.
- And yet I do it almost every week.
Good news.
Jennifer's procedure is done and we get to leave this room.
I'm not quite sure which one I'm more excited about.
Come now.
It was never about him, was it? It was about you.
Your patient, Adam Candy.
You thought you killed him.
Forgive me for being one of those weird doctors who was concerned they might have killed a human being.
Well, I checked with county records and your patient did die.
He was hit by a truck.
Yes! So it wasn't the Plomox? He didn't have a heart attack? He may have.
You know, in the split second before the truck hit him.
It's hard to know for sure.
Why didn't you tell me the truth, Elliot? Why, because we're such great friends? J.
D.
, after hanging out with me for 10 minutes at that fast-food place, you were wishing that Turk was there.
And that hurt your feelings? I was psyched to hang out with you.
I mean, so psyched that I even caused some Middle Eastern man to get kidnapped and driven away.
Which is probably the exact kind of thing he came to this country to avoid.
I'm off.
And as you can see, Sam is jonesing for his afternoon latte.
You want to join us? Why, because you feel guilty? No, because I wanna hang out with you.
Don't look at him.
There are many ways to restore a relationship.
Whether it's by extending an olive branch.
What the hell are you doing here? Take it easy.
Just hear me out.
I would like to call to order tonight's meeting of the Brain Trust.
First item of business, tomorrow night's activities.
Ted, I believe you think it would be fun to play cards.
Well, as a matter of fact, I did.
Or by striking a bargain.
Still not sure about this baby thing.
Listen, we've been so connected lately, and I really don't want to lose that.
How can I convince you that we won't? Agree to have sex with me every day for two months.
One month.
Okay, but that means if I tap you on your shoulder and you're in the middle of something, you got to drop it like it's hot and give it to Daddy.
- Deal.
- Deal.
Or by making a good friend feel like just that.
Hey, guys.
The barista said Sam looked like us.
It's so weird how people think that we're the parents.
Well, I understand why he thinks he looks like me because we both have blue eyes and a little button nose, but you, it's probably the finger-toes, 'cause you both have crazy, long toes.
What do you guys think? Where'd they go? I don't know.
I don't know.
You are the cutest.
Look at his smile, he loves that.
Do it again.
You're the cutest.
Look at him smile!