Workin' Moms (2017) s07e10 Episode Script

Put 'em up, bitches,
it's ladies' night!
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!
Well, Mel's cheating on me.
- What?
- No!
Yes, ma'ams. Not a doubt in my mind.
What, uh what makes you think that?
Oh, it's obvious.
He's cagey and secretive
- and slinking around behind my back.
- Mm-hm.
I've tried asking him about it.
He didn't blink for a solid minute.
Leave him.
Well, hang on
Pull that cord before it strangles you.
Well, well, let's just hold on.
Let's not get crazy.
I just first of all,
you don't have any actual evidence.
And second,
even if he was cheating on you,
which he isn't,
Nathan cheated on me,
and, uh, we've never been happier.
- Huh?
- The point is,
we shouldn't be worrying
about this tonight, okay?
Tonight is supposed to be
about turnin' it up,
you know what I mean?
Honestly, I don't think
I'm in the right head space
to turn anything up tonight,
what with Mel obviously
definitely cheating on me.
It's not obvious.
Nothing obvious about it.
In fact, you know what?
I have to clear my head.
- Excuse me, ladies.
- Great idea!
Take a lap, clear that head.
Very smart.
Mel's not cheating on Val,
he's proposing.
Tonight!
No!
Yes! It's supposed to be a surprise.
We're supposed to show her a great time.
- Good job, by the way.
- Well
And then get her to the gazebo by 7 pm.
Why didn't you tell us
this in the first place?
'Cause Mel didn't want us to know.
He thought she'd pick up on it.
She's very perceptive
You know, when she's not
jumping to the opposite conclusion,
I guess.
You definitely should have told us.
- Mm-hm.
- It doesn't matter, okay?
We gotta get back on track,
because tonight has to be perfect.
Okay.
Oh my God, the mountie's here.
Buckle up, ladies,
this night just took a nose dive!
Oh!
- Oh
- I don't get it.
So you saw a mountie? Big deal.
Not "a" mountie, Sloane.
"The" mountie. As in, Val's ex.
The man I called "husband" for 16 years
before he disappeared
in the dead of night,
never to be heard or seen from again.
Holy shit, okay.
Okay, so what are you gonna do?
Well, you probably wanna go, huh?
I'll get the cheque,
we'll get out of here.
Oh, I'm not going anywhere.
If there's one thing I'm sure of,
I'm gonna talk to him,
and I am going to take
my
- time.
- Yes!
No.
You've already wasted so
much time on this guy, right?
We got a fun night ahead.
Here goes nothin'.
You guys had one job!
- What the fuck?
- What do you
Okay, quick and to the point.
Wow.
Wait, what is she doing?
I don't like this.
BRB, ladies.
Time to take a trip to the past.
Wait, where are you going?
The mountie wants to step outside
so he can explain himself.
And I, frankly, want to step
outside so I can raise my voice.
Ten minutes, tops.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh, Anne, I'm gonna do that thing
What is it you say? I'm gonna
yank his scrotum up over his
head like an atomic wedgie.
Yeah, that sounds like me.
I'm gonna decimate him.
Isn't this exhilarating?
It is, oh, it is,
but you know what else
could be exhilarating?
The four of us go to the movies!
Kate, you know,
I'm gettin' a weird vibe from you.
Do you not want to see your
best friend have some closure?
No, I do, I do!
I actually like, I really, really do.
I
It's
Ten minutes, right?
Not a minute more!
Okay, I really gotta go.
Come on, Anne, please! Don't fuck me!
I'm sorry, I just
I booked a meeting for Alice
with this college
admissions rep that I know,
and she's only in town for the night,
and it's a really big opportunity.
Alice is like 16!
I mean, isn't college a little far away?
I know, but after the shit
storm that we've been through,
we are focused on the
future in my house,
- and nothing but the future.
- Come on, please!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
The meeting's around the corner.
I'll be at the gazebo in
time for the proposal.
Forty minutes! An hour, max!
Set your phone alarm!
Set your phone alarm!
Anne
So, what're we feeling? Negronis?
Eastern Royal University
has one of the best
psychiatry programs in the world.
You only say that 'cause you went there.
I say it because it's true.
And knowing the head of the
program is a huge leg-up.
She can open all kinds of doors
Which you deserve because
you're bright and articulate
and so full of potential.
So let's try to show that side of you,
for a change.
What does that mean?
Just that your grumpy
little face gives off
the wrong idea sometimes.
- Mom!
- What?
I have the same grumpy face.
It's hereditary, okay?
It's my gift to you.
- That is so mean!
- It's not mean! Shh,
shh, shh! There she is, there she is.
Just be cool, be cool.
Just be cool.
Okay, 18 minutes.
Did we not agree on ten minutes?
Did we not agree on ten?
You agreed on ten minutes.
Fuck closure! We're going to get Val.
Get your shit.
Come on, just bring the baby.
Okay, alright!
Where did she go?
Did she not say they
were stepping outside?
Honestly, this ladies night
is turning into a real bummer.
Ha-ha, good lord,
check out these bachelorette bitches!
I would not be caught
dead at a themed
Paul?
Hey!
Kate!
Love the Love the threads!
Moonlighting as a stripper?
Ha, no! I'm too tall for that.
What are you doing with all these women?
I thought you said you
were out with your friends!
Yeah, I'm out with my friends from work.
From the clinic.
They're all female.
They are.
You remember what I do
for a living, right?
I'm just gonna try to text Val.
I'm sure this all makes sense.
Okay, look, I probably
I probably should have told you
that it was a bachelorette,
but I just
I really didn't want you
to feel weird about it.
But I do feel weird.
This is weird.
Right?
So, technically,
I was right to think that.
Which is a totally valid
thing for you to think, but
I know, is what I'm saying.
I know, and I'm sorry,
so we should just go have a drink.
You should come and join us, huh?
You should probably come have a drink?
You can finally meet the girls, please?
She would,
but we're on a bit of a tight schedule.
Well, schedule shmedule.
I need to see what the fuck this is.
Yes!
- What? Sloane, no!
- Twenty minutes.
I promise you, 20 minutes.
No! Sloane!
Twenty.
Thanks, Kate!
Fuck!
Ugh
Hey, man, everything okay?
We have a problem.
What? What, uh, what happened?
Denise is threatening to sue me.
What? What for?
I don't know. Wrongful dismissal;
drug deficiencies she's invented?
Our team drafted a counter-suit
and I'm nervous the press
will get their hands on it,
and I need to get your eyes on it asap.
Yeah, okay, okay. That makes sense.
Uh, just, uh, email it over, okay,
and I'll look at it as soon as I can.
Any way we could meet up instead?
Well, it's just that, uh
I-I'm on a
I'm pretty tied up
at the moment. I'm on a
manhunt for a woman
in the Beaches, so
Beaches, okay, you know what?
I'm, uh, close by. I-I'll come to you!
I really feel like this
could wait till tomorrow.
Hello? Hello
Those were tumultuous times, you know?
I was overwhelmed.
The parent thing came
so easily to you, Val, but I
I struggled from day one.
Oh, here we go!
You don't think I struggled?
No!
I wanted to step up too, Val,
to be a good father, alright?
But each year it just
got harder and harder.
Isn't that rich?
The sob story from the
runaway deadbeat dad!
I was a deadbeat, alright? I was.
Puberty broke me.
You hit puberty years
before we had any children,
you you
I meant the boys' puberty.
Oh, right, yes. Carry on.
They were animals.
You're right. They were animals.
And you left me to housebreak
those two feral creatures alone!
You think they got better
after their dad left?
We were supposed to be a team.
I know.
I'm ashamed.
It's a little late for shame!
I know there's nothing I can
say to justify my actions.
I mean, I can barely stand
to look at my reflection
in the mirror every morning, but
if there's one thing that
lets me sleep at night,
it's been knowing those
boys are in good hands
because they have the
best mom in the world.
Well, I
I suppose that's nice to hear.
So, it's an incredibly
competitive program,
but if you're anything like your mother,
you have nothing to worry about.
Did you know she was top of our class?
Stop! I mean, I-I wasn't top.
I mean, I was pretty good.
I was.
Anyway, like I mentioned,
she still has a year
of high school to go,
but it's never too soon
to chart a path, right?
Oh, absolutely.
So, Alice,
your mother says that you share
her interest in psychiatry?
- I did.
- She does!
She does. She absolutely does, yeah.
She actually worked at
my office for a while
and was quite gifted.
Some of my clients even
preferred talking to her!
Yeah,
and some actually tried
to come visit me at
She's also
she's so incredibly well-rounded.
She, um she's in an extra-curricular
- theatre group right now.
- Oh!
I'm just taking it for the extra credit
so that I can fast-track my diploma
and graduate this year.
- Sorry, what?
- Fast-tracking?
That's impressive.
Hello, high achiever here!
So we're thinking about this September?
Wait, uh
Well, I can't this September.
I'll be on the sheep farm.
Did you say "sheep farm"?
Alice
Are you on something right now?
I'm taking a gap year.
So, ladies,
we're circling back
to next September, then?
- No, you're not.
- In Australia.
- Uh-uh, nope.
- With Seamus.
What are you talking about?
Anyway, um
I'm not sure when, or even if,
I'll be applying, but I'd love
to take a look at any materials
you might have.
Thank you so much.
You said I could take the car?
Keys?
Of course.
It was so nice meeting you.
Let me guess!
Four days premie, breech,
no fetal distress.
- Wrong!
- What?
Lindsey likes to try and guess
the baby's birth journey,
but you are wrong this time, L-train,
uh, because little Owen here
was a week late,
induced, occiput anterior position.
What, what, what, what, what?
Fuuuuuck me.
Okay, how about we, uh,
steer this conversation
away from my vagina?
Oh, you crashed my bachelorette.
We're gonna talk about your
vagina as much as I want!
No, no, Lindsey!
No, look, if Sloane doesn't want
us talking about her vagina,
we are not gonna talk about your vagina!
Um but I-I'll
I'm gonna get drinks, drinks.
Yes, Paul, yes! Yes!
Paulie, Paulie, Paulie, Paulie!
It's so nice
to finally meet you, Sloane!
Paul literally never
stops talking about you.
I know, it's, um
it's annoying, really.
It's not annoying! It's sweet.
Well, and now
that I'm finally seeing you,
I'm like "whoop!"
Maybe someone else
will be a bride soon
Yeah, I'm not so sure about that.
I dunno, I can tell
by the way he looks at you.
Who knows, maybe he'll even make
it down the aisle this time!
Please God!
This time?
Don't worry about her.
She's crazy, she's crazy.
I'm not crazy! I am not crazy.
You are way cooler than Charlotte.
She was
Turdsville.
Charlotte Wait, uh, what happened?
It was this whole thing.
Very messy engagement.
It was!
Okay, I have no idea what I got here.
I just told them something
fun and sailor-y!
Yes! Woo!
Okay
You know what, uh, Paulie,
enjoy your girlfriends.
What?
I really like her. She is the best!
You guys are cute together.
You're in trouble!
Sloane!
What are you doing? Where are you going?
Where am I going?
You were engaged!
You didn't think to tell me?
Wait, what what'd they say?
This this is classic Lindsey,
by the way.
This isn't funny!
I was 22 years old.
It was stupid and over
within three months.
I wasn't hiding it.
It just never seemed relevant!
It's a pretty significant
thing to seem irrelevant.
Is it?
We both have our dating histories.
You've got all your meatballs stories.
Boys! Meatboys!
Oh that makes more sense.
Yeah, and it's a big difference.
I told you about those guys!
Look, it was so long ago.
It's just got nothing
to do with who I am.
But that's the problem.
'Cause we're supposed to
be moving in together,
and I'm realizing right now
that I have no fucking clue
who you are!
You know who I am.
Yeah, see, this is great?
Do you see what you did? Perfect.
Have fun with your girls.
Sloane, hold on!
Yeah, I mean,
this is a really well-crafted statement.
Good.
- You did a terrific job with this.
- Good, that's good.
- Yeah.
- So the lawyers were right, then.
You already ran it by your lawyers?
- Yes.
- Okay.
What?
Well, I just
I mean, here I am desperately trying
not to ruin my friend's proposal
and I'm being sidetracked
because you desperately
need my eyes on something
that you've already got your lawyers'
sign-off on?
Come on!
I, just you know,
I trust your opinion more.
Than lawyers'?
Well, that's just questionable
judgement on your part.
Alright, fine.
Maybe I needed the distraction.
Okay.
Full disclosure,
I had to get out of the house.
My wife and I
are in a rocky place right now.
Ah. I have, uh
I have been to that rocky place.
How'd you handle it?
So good.
Like a lunatic. I lost my mind.
- No, not you!
- Uh-huh.
I dunno,
I feel like those rough patches,
they're also opportunities,
right, to see what you want,
and go after it, you know?
Anyway
I'm, uh, I'm sorry about your wife.
Yeah, thanks.
And I have got eight
minutes to find Val.
This proposal is officially ruined.
Well, hang on. Uh
Val is your blonde friend,
right, about yay high, huge ass?
That is correct.
- Is that her?
- Where?
Oh my
Val!
No! No, I wasn't doing it!
I I wasn't!
Val, Val, Val, Val,
what the hell are you doing?
I don't know.
I've just got all these weird
feelings bubbling in me.
And what with Mel cheating
He's not cheating, Val.
He's proposing!
What?!
That's why he's been so secretive.
He's got this beautiful
surprise proposal,
and it's all going down
in the gazebo in
two minutes.
None of my business,
but if you gun it,
the gazebo's like a minute
and a half that way.
- Oh, well, I'm sure
- Ooh!
Oh!
I'm coming, my love!
Hey, uh, get that statement out!
It looks great, okay? See ya!
Oh my God there he is.
We made it.
I can't believe it.
Look how handsome he looks.
Well, I made it. I hope you're happy.
Let's just get this show on the road.
Owen needed a change 40 minutes ago.
Jesus, what happened to you two?
- Ugh
- Okay
- Mel!
- Hey.
What is all this?
Val
For years, I never thought
I'd find the right person,
and then I met you.
It was like an angel had drifted
from the heavens just for me.
And so aww
I know I'd have to be an
absolute fool not to ask
Val Szalinsky, will you
Marry me!
What?
Oh, no.
- This isn't good.
- No, it is not.
Well, maybe not marry me right away.
It's, uh
We should take it slow this time around,
you know,
really set ourselves up for success.
Okay, wait, who is this guy?
My ex-husband.
Wait, the guy who left you?
I know, I know, I know.
It's not the best timing.
Ya think?
It's just,
I thought I could walk out that door
and forget about us.
But if there's one thing
that kiss showed me
Wait, I'm sorry. Uh, kiss?
Did he say "kiss"?
Oh, yeah
- Was there a kiss?
- There was a kiss?
There was, yeah.
But Val, Val!
We belong together.
So, whaddya say?
You wanna give this thing
the shot it deserves?
- No!
- What?
Absolutely not!
Huh Okay.
Because
Wow. Wow.
You know what?
Fuck you.
Big fuck you.
You know, I poured my heart out,
and this is the shit I get in return?
- Then fuck you!
- Whoa
Fuck you! Big fuck you!
Fuckin'
Fuckin' shit!
Stupid fuckin' Ow, fuck!
My toe!
Mel!
Mel
You know that the kiss,
it wasn't anything, really.
Val.
I think I just need to be alone.
Oh
Maybe I don't deserve love.
Maybe I'm not meant for nice things.
Of course you are. You're
You deserve all the nice things.
You totally are!
I obviously have some
self-reflecting to do.
Excuse me, ladies.
Well, I think that's my cue.
Yeah.
Later. Let's go.
Bye!
Okay, okay
I should probably go.
Make sure Alice hasn't fled the country.
What?
- I'll fill you in later.
- Oh, boy.
- Yeah, bye.
- Bye.
Hey.
Hey, you're still here!
Well, I was trying to give
you guys some space, and
like I said, I needed the distraction.
Oh, you certainly got that!
That was an absolute shitshow.
Definition of a shitshow.
Honestly, I feel for your friend.
Oh, I know. Me too.
Val's a lot, but she's, uh
she's also the best.
Oh, sure, yes.
I mean, sometimes, you know, you just
you get carried away in the moment.
It happens.
Totally.
You know who I feel for?
It's all these dead flowers, you know?
Why did they die?
Why did they have to die in vain?
Imagine their parents.
Soon you gotta think about their
their families.
That's the dumbest
thing you've ever said.
Well, buckle up!
'Cause when it comes to flower families,
I have a lot to say
Good God, please just stop.
But also, thank you,
'cause I needed this.
Oh
And also, I'm sorry
for wasting your time today.
Oh, it's cool.
Yeah, I I dunno, I just
I just like being around you.
I like being around you.
Which is good, since we work together.
It's easy, 'cause we can just hang
Oh