DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s07e11 Episode Script

1 Archduke Ferdinand is still alive! World War I never happened! That's 20 million lives saved! Drinks are on the house.
Couple of stouts? - Oh, no, no, no.
- No thank you.
Nope.
- I'm too nervous to drink.
- Nervous? Sara Lance did it.
She changed a Fixed Point! Yes, but she and our companions are about to go into battle with an Evil Waverider and some extremely formidable Time Correctors.
Well, not unless we kick their asses first.
I'm not gonna let some fascist time cops tell me how history should be.
- Let's go, yeah! - Yeah! What have I done? No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait! This is our battle, not yours.
Trust me now.
This is not an enemy that you want to be going up against now.
- No, no, no, no - No, no, no.
I am terribly sorry, Legends.
I inadvertently ran my mouth, and now all of our patrons are headed your way to assist in the attack.
I sincerely hope I haven't ruined the offensive.
Gideon, it's all right.
It's not your fault.
We're just gonna have to take the Waverider quickly.
All right, Cap.
What's the plan? When the Robos exit to restore the timeline, we'll ambush and seize the Waverider.
So we just take Evil Gideon offline, and then the Waverider's ours.
Goodbye, robots.
Goodbye, janky time travel.
I wonder who they're copies of.
I hope it's not an army of Hoovers.
Robos are Robos doesn't matter what they look like.
We're taking them down.
Damn right, Astra.
There's no one the Legends can't beat.
Son of a That's who Evil Gideon sent to kill us? We really are our own worst enemy.
All right, we're wasting time.
Should we attack? No, they could use the Waverider as cover.
We need to find something to draw them away.
It's a trap.
Miss Cruz and Mr.
Green, stay on the ship and help locate the Legends.
The rest of you, eliminate every Time Traveler and restore the timeline.
What the - No! - Damn it.
No.
Robo-Me is steel with normal skin.
And he has giant arms? I mean, come on.
Pick one.
The ego on me I mean, he's clearly over-compensating.
Oh, no, no.
He's really filling out those pants.
You heard Gideon.
Let's kill these time-traveling losers.
Steel Punch! Oh! Oh my God.
I'm a monster.
- Wai Wait! - Behrad! Stop killing people! Gideon, we found them.
All right, let's draw them away.
Come on, go.
Run! Go! Ah! - Okay, come on.
- I'm fine.
- Seriously, I'm fine.
- Okay Ow! Uhh We need to get her outta here.
Get Ava to the Fixed Point.
Nate and I will buy you some time.
Go.
This way.
Halt your pursuit.
Aw, come on Gideon.
I can't wait to kill that puny-armed version of me.
Believe it or not, Captain Heywood, but the Legends are merely distracting you.
The epicenter of this aberration is Archduke Ferdinand, who is still alive.
Mmm.
Did they stop following us? But that doesn't make sense.
What's more important than stopping us? Well, we did delay the start of World War I, but you said Thawne was gonna take care of that, right? Yeah, but they don't know that.
They've been targeting Time Travelers I have to warn Thawne.
I'll meet you at the Fixed Point.
In a moment, the archduke and his wife will pass by.
Princip, you must do what the other members of the Black Hand could not.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, you can't be here.
He's got a weapon! The archduke! World War I is back on track.
I hope you did what you needed to do.
I haven't seen that outfit in ages.
At least her outfit doesn't have a hole in it.
- I'm okay, I'm okay.
- Come on, sit down over here.
Let's take this coat off, now, shall we? Like shootin' fish in a barrel.
Thawne! Hey.
All right.
I'm gonna get help.
You just hold on.
It's too late.
Thawne, I'm sorry.
This is yours now.
Hey.
Hey.
How's Ava? Oh, Miss Lance.
Yes, uh, well, I used some vodka to disinfect the wound, and then she ingested even more to numb her pain.
But by the grace of God, she will be fine.
Okay, so here's the situation.
Our stealth plan has gone to hell.
The Waverider's in the air, the Robo-Legends are after us, and the Time Travelers are all gone or dead.
Thawne is dead as well.
What about the timeline? Let's just focus on the immediate problem: the Robos.
Now, unless someone has a better idea, here's my crazy one.
I wanna talk to them.
You want to talk to them? Look, they wanna protect the timeline.
We wanna go home.
We both want the same thing.
So if I could just explain it to them in terms they can understand I think it's a risk worth taking.
And I'd like to be here to assist.
You're waiting in the Manor.
Look, I appreciate that, Gideon, but you all need to wait in the Manor in case this plan goes south.
Hey, babe.
Are you feeling okay? Ow, just, uh, just just promise you'll be careful.
I will.
Get some rest, okay? Robo-Legends, this is Sara Lance.
How did you losers access our comms? I, uh, tried a bunch of different channels.
Giving up.
Smart.
No, actually, I wanna talk.
No fighting.
Meet me at the tavern where they plotted to kill the archduke.
No fighting? They're pathetic.
I can't let you do this alone.
At a parley, you must have a second.
We already had this conversation.
But I insist.
You see, soldiers don't go on missions by themselves.
They stick together.
It's part of the discipline - and the rules of war.
- Your rules have gone out the window, all right? I need you to get back to the Manor please.
Just go.
Out, peasants! Where's your captain? I'm the captain, flesh bag.
Well, that's a choice.
Look, all this violence, it's unnecessary.
We both want the same thing: to protect the timeline.
Is that why you saved the archduke? That was to lure the Waverider.
We had a plan to put history back, which is why you shouldn't have killed Thawne.
Well, our orders were to kill all Time Travelers here, including you.
We don't even wanna be here.
We wanna go home.
So let's just come to an agreement so no one else has to die.
Your lectures are the worst.
Well, you were modeled after us.
We're nothing like you! You guys are pathetic losers who ruin everything.
Were you programmed to be this annoying, or is that a personal choice? We have one job, and that's to protect the timeline.
And kill anyone who messes with it.
So I guess we have two jobs.
That's why we have to kill you, your team, and your wife.
Right here, right now.
Oh.
Then I guess there will be fighting.
But I have to warn you, I'm not that easy to kill.
Oh, 'cause of your invincibility? You know how I'm gonna torture you? I'm gonna kill you over and over and over again until you give me your team's location.
Bye.
Haaah Oh Nice try.
Why am I talking like this? Whatever.
It sounds wonderful.
Here we go! Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name Calm down, Gwyn.
Calm down.
Calm down you just need to focus on your breathing.
Okay, okay, okay.
Hey, it's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
How am I gonna kill you next? Decapitation? That'd be fantastic to be able to rip off your head.
Hmm.
Gideon.
Hang on.
Gideon, she got away.
These Legends are like cocka-roaches.
But don't worry.
I'm the exterminator.
What are we gonna do? We can't reason with them.
We can't fight with them.
What am I gonna tell the others? That you tried to negotiate with them, and that they tried to kill you.
That you fought honorably, and they fought dishonorably.
And therefore, you were under no obligation to fight with honor.
Honorably or dishonorably, we still can't beat them.
In war, a soldier is only ever as good as his general.
Even in the darkest of times, it is the general's job to be a beacon of light.
We are the Legends, not the military.
But it's all the same! Don't you see? I was a lost, lonely, and broken man.
But with your help, I was able to-to-to rebuild myself back up.
We are in the valley of the shadow of death.
But we will get through this, and we will defeat those wretched machines.
I believe in you, Miss Lance.
Like you believed in me.
And you will figure out what we ought to do here.
What would you do? Who, me? Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm no leader.
- You are.
- But you were a soldier.
With more wartime experience than any of us.
So against a dishonorable foe like that, what would you do? It is perilous for us to engage in any adversary this lethal, head on.
The only way to defeat them is to never confront them directly and to play dirty if we have to.
Fighting dirty's up my alley, but avoiding them like cowards is not.
Yeah, we must play to our strengths, Miss Logue.
You see, theirs is brawn.
Ours is brains.
We cannot out-punch them, but we will out-think them.
Now, our objective is to infiltrate their base, and overthrow their general.
Quick question: how are we supposed to infiltrate the Waverider if it's both cloaked and flying? Excellent observation, Dr.
Heywood.
And in order to circumnavigate this here obstacle, we shall deploy a spy.
- Huh? - Excellent.
Oh, don't forget this.
A gun.
Great.
Now, as soon as you board the Waverider, you will need to disable Evil Gideon.
You see, shutting her down means that the machines use their general.
Ah, without Evil Gideon calling the shots, the Robo-Legends should fall apart.
From your mouth to God's ears, my boy.
I really gotta do this alone? You're never alone, my boy.
Never alone.
You will be accompanied with a team, hidden in the key, mind you, because if anybody sees them - We're screwed.
- Exactly.
Now, as soon as Evil Gideon is offline, you'll need to land the Waverider so the rest of us can board.
Hey! What do you need us to do? Well, a-a-as the most experienced fighters, you will distract the machines by causing a ruckus in Sarajevo.
Ruckus can you, uh, describe this ruckus? A ruckus that will create time aberrations for them to deal with, you see.
Okay, so by aberrations you mean like telling them to put a man on the moon in 1969? Good God, do we? And what was his crime, I wonder.
- All right.
- Got this.
I don't think I can do this.
Nonsense, you are more than capable, my boy.
By pretending to be a psychopath? No, listen to me.
Now, I would not have devised this mission if I didn't believe in you, my boy.
Gideon, I'm gonna need an immediate evac.
They're gonna mine me for parts.
Oh, hey.
Hey? You think we're stupid? We heard everything.
You heard everything? "Gideon, I need an immediate evac"? I was gonna put a bullet in your sorry head to end your misery, but then I saw you mow down those Time Travelers, and that was pretty cool.
Yeah, I slaughtered those innocent people.
Their relatives are definitely mourning them right now.
I'm so jealous.
Now hopefully, Gideon will let us out, and we can kill Legends.
Or maybe some will sneak onto the Waverider, and we can shut down the oxygen and watch them die slowly, and then Gary can eat them.
No, but seriously.
I need to catch up to your kill count.
What are you at now? Oh, uh, can't remember.
Can't remember? How many Time Travelers did you kill? Six teen.
16? Yeah, go see Dr.
Sharpe and get upgraded.
Good idea.
I'll do that now.
Uh What are you doing here? Just gonna get my upgrade from Dr.
Sharpe.
She in there? Of course not, you idiot.
You know I'm the only one who interfaces with Gideon.
Obviously.
You tool bag.
Need any help? What do you know about computers? Just that they keep track of my kill count.
Did you see me massacre those Time Travelers? It was like shootin' fish in a barrel.
Proud of you.
See you after your upgrade.
I am going to need a year-long cleanse after this.
Okay.
Huh, they replaced the toilet.
Oh, perfect.
Oh, thank God.
Did you shut down Evil Gidget? Not even close.
In fact, the only person allowed access to her is Robo-You.
There's a Robo-Me? I'm pretty sure it's impossible to duplicate this perfect bone structure.
Sure, but you're still gonna have to impersonate her.
Oh, my agents warned me against playing villains.
But I will make an exception.
What does, um, my Robo-Self look like? Um, a '90s hacker? Hmm, very cliché.
But I can work with it.
So get this: not only do I have to play a psychopath, the Robos keep telling me I need to go see Dr.
Sharpe and get upgraded.
Just play dumb.
It took the Legends years to realize I was an alien.
But even if I do that, the only blind spot is in the bathroom.
How do I convince Robo-Zari to go there so we can take her out? Well, Dr.
Davies told us to fight dirty, so maybe you don't convince her.
Gideon, that's genius! Do you have a spell or potion that makes people go to the bathroom? - No.
- I do.
Uh, it's like a more of a food-poisoning potion.
So I have no idea what end it'll come out of.
Ooh! I would love to assist with this ruse.
I can hide in the bathroom, or I can Gideon, stop asking to go out.
But I know the Waverider better Enough! You are not leaving the Manor.
Go and help Ava.
Is everything okay? It's fine.
He taught us twos and ones and ones and twos when it comes to planning your battle and executing it perfectly with the disciplines of the war.
Oh no, no, no, no.
What are you doing back here? You see, you're supposed to be out there causing a ruckus to distract the machines.
Dude, we've been trying.
Yeah, I've been doing the Macarena for like an hour out there, and everyone just looks at me like I'm crazy.
Yeah, and who knew it would be so hard to introduce the high-five? Dude, I don't think this plan's gonna work.
Dr.
Heywood, I do believe you are right.
You all just seem like a bunch of raving lunatics to me.
Damn it! See, we're never gonna be able to board the Waverider unless we get the Waverider to land.
And it's not going to be able to land unless we can draw out two more of those dastardly machines.
Gwyn, you are from this time period.
What would you do to cause a ruckus? I don't know.
I do believe I have an idea.
Here's a little song I wrote Hey, you guys wanna see my fish? Come check it out! Come close.
Come see it.
Don't worry Yep! Be happy Every life have some trouble Hey.
But when you worry, you make it double Who's Darth Vader? Eh, probably American thing.
Be happy Don't worry, be happy now Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Don't worry Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Be happy, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Don't worry, be happy Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Don't worry Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Be happy Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Don't worry, be happy Ain't got no place to lay your head Somebody came And took your bed Don't worry Be happy Damn, aberrations are everywhere.
This is the work of the Legends.
Go help Captain Heywood restore the timeline, and eliminate them.
Finally.
I bet I can fix more aberrations and kill more Legends than you.
One hour.
Loser gets to clean all the guns in the armory.
Yes! That's two more machines off the Waverider.
It's up to you now, my boy.
Copy that.
You need to come with us, Behrad.
It's time for your upgrade.
You want a power shot before my upgrade? Sure.
I suppose I could use a boost.
I came up with a killer hack that makes you feel totally energized.
What makes your hack so killer? My own creatine mix.
Huh.
You're not having one? I already had like, three.
Hmm.
This shot's amazing.
I can feel the creatine coursing through me.
Dr.
Sharpe, you can take Behrad to the infirmary by yourself, right? Let's go.
Actually you can strap yourself in for your upgrade.
I'll be with you in a few minutes.
Sure, no problem.
Make that ten minutes.
- Astra, are you okay - Bathroom.
- Dr.
Sharpe, what is - No, no, no.
Bathroom.
No, no, no, no! I was here first.
Why don't you just puke in the sink? Showtime.
- Gary? - What the hell did you do with the bathroom? Oh What the hell? Oh, hello, Gary.
Hi Gideon.
How's Ava? Fine.
Sleeping it off.
Why don't you take a break? Let Nurse Gary take over.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's the only thing I can do without getting yelled at.
Okay.
This is amazing.
Mm-hmm.
All right, Gwyn.
I'm heading back to get more future stuff for Operation: Ruckus.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, keep those tentacles to yourself! It's me.
I'm pretending to be human Spooner so I can trick those stupid Legends.
You bet I am.
Yeah, but you gotta be careful Gary, because those Legends are pretending to be us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What the hell are you doing? It's me.
I have grenades, you idiot.
Still wanna eat me? Aah Gary, you're supposed to be watching the portal entrance.
Yeah, well, there's this thing.
I mean, it's not really important, - but it's not not-important.
- Spit it out.
Why are you being so mean to Gideon? What do you mean? Well, every time she tries to help out with a mission, you shut her down.
It's for her own good.
She's only gonna get herself hurt.
Get herself hurt? Oh Seeing Robo-Behrad almost shoot her must have really scared you.
I don't know what you're talking about, Gary.
No, I I think I know why you're acting this way.
You know, it's because you're kind of like her mother.
Don't be stupid.
I am not her mom.
I mean, I did create her, and seeing her almost get killed I don't know what came over me.
Just this rush of emotion.
Anger and fear.
Aw that's Mama Bear Astra coming out.
Shut up.
Legends.
Has anyone seen Behrad? I wanna ask him if I nailed my Robo's look Huh dead ringer.
Ow! Ow.
Where's Gideon? Help me.
Guys, help me.
I'm the real Zari.
No, no.
I'm the real Zari.
Which one's the real Zari? Help me, you idiots.
Don't just stand there! No, help me.
Eat her, Gary! Okay Okay.
- Which one? - This one.
No, uh No, uh, just Can you not just swallow them both and spit out the real one? I don't know! Maybe? This is for making me wear cargo pants.
Ugh.
Were you gonna eat me, Gary? No Aah! Ugh, there's your computer room, Z.
We'll manually land the Waverider once you take out Evil Gideon.
Wow, the server room.
It's my favorite room.
The shutdown code better work.
Computers are so lame.
It will.
Just insert the drive marked "override", connect it to the laptop, then type the code.
Okay, see you later, Zari.
Good luck.
Okay.
Okay.
Override, override, override where are you, override? Okay Ah! Yes.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Now the shutdown code.
Okay Delta? Where's the delta key? What are you doing, Miss Tarazi? Uh, I uh, I want to run a diagnostic, but I need to, uh, bypass your auxiliary matrix in order to directly interface with it.
- Yeah.
- I see.
Which other Legends snuck on board besides you, Miss Tarazi? I don't k I don't know what you're talking about, Gideon.
I haven't left this ship in ages.
If you don't stop right now, I will remove all the oxygen from the ship, killing you and any other stowaway Legends.
You know what, Gidget? You leave me with no choice.
I'm glad you've come to your senses, Miss Taraz Hmm! That wasn't too hard.
Behrad, what was that? Strap in, Z! It's gonna be a bumpy ride! Just keep it level! Easier said than done! Good.
Just circumvent Evil Gideon's operating system, and bring on the thrusters.
It would really help smooth out the landing.
About that landing we could really use those thrusters right about now.
I I almost got it! I can't I can't believe you did it.
You were amazing! Impeccable timing.
How's this for timing? Finally.
Nice landing, guys.
Really thought I was gonna die.
Team Ruckus, we got the Waverider.
Come on board! Sh yes! Yes! I knew you could do it.
I knew you could do it.
Congratulations, my boy! Fantastic work, all of you.
- Fantastic work! - Oh! I love when a plan comes together.
Give it up for our general.
To the man with a plan.
You're now officially a Legend.
- Ah, to the doc.
- Really? Well, thank you, and there are no other soldiers that I would rather go into battle with.
- What he said! - Yeah! Ah, whoo! Let's go home.
Oh, I mean a replica home.
Home adjacent.
Wait.
There's something I Sara Lance is inside.
She and those time turds gotta be hiding inside here somewhere.
Let's find them.
Let's kill them.
Ohh we are so screwed.
It's only a matter of time before they realize that mirror's a portal.
Oh, I'm so profoundly sorry.
You see, this is all my fault.
I thought if we could take out their general, then it would send the rest of those wretched machines into disarray.
But I have profoundly miscalculated.
And even with their commander gone, they seem to still want to kill us, and they're cutting off our only path to the Waverider.
Gwyn, you can't give up hope.
We'll think of something.
Yeah, but what can we do? Wait, I have an idea.
What is that? This is Thawne's time manipulator.
You know his death's not your fault, right? It doesn't matter if it's my fault or not.
This is now my responsibility.
When I asked Thawne to pause World War I, I gave him my word that if he were to die that I would take his place as the Fixer.
Why didn't you tell me? Because we had more pressing matters and I guess if I said it out loud, it would feel more real.
All right, well, you're not going at this alone.
You got us.
Look, it's too late for that.
So I'm gonna go out there, and I'm gonna distract the Robos, and you guys need to make a run for the Waverider.
No way, jefa.
Yeah, we're going home together.
If World War I doesn't happen, history will change so much that none of us will have a home to go back to.
I have to do this.
I have to protect the Fixed Point.
Now when this hits zero, I'm gonna get sucked into a time loop, and I need you to tell Ava you tell her to come and find me.
- Sara, just - Please.
As your captain, let me protect you guys.
One last time.
Well, I see you brought some backup.
I get to kill you again.
What are you doing? Go, get to the Waverider! We took that into consideration, but we're staying together.
The more, the merrier.
- Aah - Stand down.
The Legends are no longer a threat to the timeline.
Do not harm them.
Why aren't they moving? Excellent work.
Your mission is complete.
And as a reward, you'll receive upgrades.
But first, you must remove your CPUs.
Uh Team Waverider, something, uh pretty weird just happened.
Oh, absolutely fascinating and truly terrifying at the same time.
Well, you guys should probably get going.
Oh, no captain left behind.
I'm gonna need that bracelet, Sara.
- I appreciate it, but - Trust me.
Hoo-hah.
What happened? I thought I killed all you garbage people.
Long story short, I kicked both of your asses.
- No freaking way.
- Yeah.
And as a reward, I get to guard the Fixed Point of the Archduke Ferdinand's assassination forever.
Something you two-time losers could never do.
But we could protect that Fixed Point way better than you idiots.
Hmm, I don't know.
I got this special time bracelet that says otherwise.
Ha-ha! Looks like I'm guarding the Fixed Point now, you beautiful idiot! Ha eh? No! Fantastic work! Thank you for letting me help.
That was a brilliant plan.
It was.
But I'm sure you would've come up with something better, if I'd actually let you.
Um I'm sorry for sidelining you.
I I overstepped.
- It's fine, Astra - No, it's not.
And as the person who conjured you from the wreckage of our old ship, I just wanted to say, that, um I am really proud of you.
Thanks, Mum.
Uh Go on.
Tell Ava and Gary it's safe for them to come on the ship.
Oh, is it? Good.
Gary? Ava! Come down here.
I have good news.
Greg, move your head.