Friends s07e11 Episode Script

You have got to try this cheesecake.
You know, I'm not that much of a sweet tooth Oh, my God, it's so creamy! That's the best cheesecake I've ever had! Where did you get this? It was at the front door when I got home.
Somebody sent it to us.
This isn't addressed to you.
This is addressed to Mrs.
Braverman downstairs! Thief! I didn't read the box before I opened it and you can't return a box after you opened it! - Why not? - Because it's too delicious! You stole this cheesecake.
That's wrong.
No, it'll be okay because Mrs.
Braverman will send for a free one.
That way, we all win.
The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate "Mama's Little Bakery.
" I feel terrible.
I'm a horrible, horrible person.
I'm sorry, what? The One With All The Cheesecakes I should get going.
Big day at work.
You know how I'm in a coma? Today they do a test on me and it turns out I'm not brain-dead.
So Mr.
Smarty Pants.
It's just my character that's not brain-dead.
Pheebs, still on for tonight? - Absolutely.
- I'll see you at 8.
What's at 8? Dinner.
We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you.
Wow! Did not know that.
May I say how lovely you look today? Duly noted.
So for tomorrow, do you want to rent a car and drive down together? - What are you talking about? - Cousin Frannie's wedding.
You were invited? No.
Oh, my God, I can't believe this.
I thought only Mom and Dad were invited.
From the ages of 7 to 9, Frannie and I were inseparable.
Maybe since the age of 9, Frannie's made some new friends.
It's probably just a mistake.
Let me call Aunt Cheryl.
Maybe you are invited and the invitation got lost in the mail.
You call her and tell her that when we were kids her precious Frannie tried to undress me several times.
If I hadn't stopped her, there wouldn't be a wedding to go to.
She tried to undress me too.
I used to undress my cousin Glenn.
Joseph Francis Tribbiani, are you home yet? I think he's still out.
What's wrong? I'll tell you, Rachel Karen Greene.
I had plans with Joey, and he left me this note.
"Pheebs, can't make it.
Got a date.
Talk to you later.
Big Daddy.
" - "Big Daddy"? - That's a nickname we were trying.
You know what nickname never caught on? "The Ross-a-tron.
" Here's Joseph Francis! Wait, what are you middle-naming me for? I left you a note.
That doesn't give you the right to ditch me! You can cancel plans with friends if there's a possibility for sex.
He's right.
That is the rule.
I don't accept it.
When we make plans, I expect you to show up.
I'm not a way to kill time till you meet someone better.
Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go, but this is for life.
I'm so sorry.
I had no idea it would bother you this much.
Well, it does.
Well, can I make it up to you? I'm sorry.
How about dinner tomorrow night? I'll pay for myself.
Okay, you wore me down.
While you're over there, how about a beer for "The Ross-a-tron"? "Ross" Is that back? The other cheesecake came.
They delivered it here again.
Just bring it downstairs.
What's the problem? I can't seem to say goodbye.
Are you serious? We ate an entire cake two days ago and you want more? Well, I've forgotten what it tastes like.
It was cheesecake.
It was fine.
It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust with a very rich yet light cream cheese filling.
Wow, my whole mouth just filled with saliva.
Know what? Forget it.
We're just hungry.
We haven't had lunch.
We're just lightheaded.
So let's go have lunch and forget about the cheesecake.
We'll drop it off so we're not tempted.
- Where do you want to eat? - Mama's Little Bakery, Chicago.
Mel Tormé died.
Joey, that paper's like a year old.
Does that mean the Sam Goody's sale is over? So, I finally heard back from Aunt Cheryl and apparently it wasn't a mistake.
There's limited seating Limited seating? I am just one tiny person! Yeah, but she doesn't know that.
I mean, the last time she saw you you'd have turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling.
"Limited seating.
" That's such a lame excuse.
That's not the reason she's not inviting me.
What's the big deal? I wasn't invited to the ceremony, just the reception.
If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then we'll leave early as a sign of protest.
- Joan? - Yeah, my date.
Assistant professor in linguistics.
Tall, very beautiful.
And despite what some people say, not broad-backed.
Wait a minute.
You got "Ross Geller and Guest"? I wasn't invited, and you got "and Guest"? Excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Ross' behalf.
I think the rule applies here.
Since he has a chance to get on broad-back Not broad-back! Wait a minute.
You're bringing me.
I can't cancel on Joan.
- Why not? - Did you not hear me? She's an assistant professor in the linguistics department.
They're wild.
- Why do you want to come anyway? - Because she's my cousin.
I mean, we grew up together.
Family, you know? And all that's important to me.
Okay, all right.
I'll take you.
I'll go call Joan.
Oh, that's nice.
Family should be there.
It's her wedding.
Happiest day of her life.
We'll see.
Well, thank you for lunch.
Wait, I thought you paid.
Apparently, we don't pay for food anymore.
- Do you see what I see? - It's still there.
Mrs.
Braverman must be out.
She could be out of town.
Maybe gone for months.
By then, it may spoil.
She can't come back to bad cheesecake.
- It could kill her.
- Don't want that.
We're protecting her.
- We'll take it.
- But quick.
- Why? - I hear her in there.
Go! Go! Go! Oh, my God, that's David.
- Who? - David, the scientist guy.
David that I was in love with.
Who went to Russia and broke my heart, David.
Oh, my God! Say their name enough, they turn around.
Phoebe.
David.
What are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be in Russia? I'm just in town for a conference.
God, you look phenomenal.
Well .
Yeah.
You look great too.
Did you get a haircut? Yeah.
Well, I got like 30 of them.
Look, I got a confession to make.
I was hoping to run into you here.
I didn't know if I should call.
I was only in town a few days and I didn't want to intrude on your life.
I really wanted to see you but I didn't know if you wanted to see me.
Of course I would want to see you.
I think about you all the time.
Really? Because I think about you all the time.
There's a statue in Minsk that reminds me of you so much.
It's actually of Lenin but, you know, at certain angles .
Anyway, do you want to have dinner tonight? Yes.
Oh, no! - What? - I can't.
I can't believe I have plans.
Can you do it tomorrow? No, I have to go in a few hours.
I have to be on the redeye.
Listen, next time you're in Minsk .
Phoebe? Can I talk to you for a second? What are you doing? I have plans with Joey.
So? He'll understand.
No, he won't.
And that's not even the point.
I made a whole speech about how you do not cancel plans with friends.
And now just because, potentially, the love of my life returns from Russia for one night I should change my beliefs? I should change my beliefs! No.
If I don't have my principles, I don't have anything.
You're so strong.
Or I should rush through dinner with Joey and meet David at 9.
Oh, my God, that is so good! I'm full.
And yet I know if I stop eating this I'll regret it.
Hey, what have you got there? Oh, it's .
It's tofu cake.
Want some? What are you doing tonight? Dude.
Dude.
Sorry.
I got plans with Phoebe.
Really? Monica said she had a date at 9.
- What? Tonight? - That's what Monica said.
After that speech, she makes a date on the same night she has plans with me? She's trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy.
Here, I think this is us.
Limited seating, my ass.
Let's see who made the cut.
Hi.
I'm Monica Geller.
- How do you know the bride and groom? - I worked with Frannie.
Used to work with her.
Used to.
I'm a relative and I didn't get invited.
A blood relative.
Blood.
Stop saying "blood" to strangers.
And you? How do you know the couple? We went to college with both of them.
Now we live next door.
Okay, you're fine.
- Are you guys ready? - Yes.
I'll have a green salad, house dressing and water's fine.
And for you, sir? Yeah.
This slow-roasted salmon how slow are we talking? It's already been roasted.
Oh, then no.
Maybe I should hear the specials again.
We've heard the specials three times.
There's prime rib, mahi-mahi and a very special lobster ravioli.
- Actually, we're out of the ravioli.
- Well, that changes everything! You know what, Pheebs? You were right before.
Friends are so important.
Yeah, I'm very wise.
I know.
Know what I really want? - What? - Is to have a long, long talk.
You know? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
- Any progress? - Yes.
I will have the lobster ravioli.
God, Joey, this is taking forever.
- What's the rush? - Well I have an appointment.
And it's very important.
What is it? Well it's a date.
A date? No, you must be mistaken, because you wouldn't have a date on the same night you have plans with a friend.
Don't make me feel badly.
No, I'm gonna! You made me feel really guilty about going out with that girl.
Like I did something terrible.
Now you're doing the same thing.
It's not! It's totally different! This is with David.
Remember David, the scientist guy? He's very special to me.
My girl the other night was special.
She was a scientist too.
- She was? - Well, she graduated high school.
Whatever.
Know what? He's only here for four hours and I'm gonna go see him.
- Fine! - Yeah.
What are you still doing here? I told you, lobster ravioli! I was about to leave.
I didn't think you were coming.
I wouldn't have missed this.
Well, I'm very glad you're here.
Oh, you're such a gentleman.
Come on, we're going to my place.
Are you eating the cheesecake without me? I will give you $ 100 to whistle right now.
- How can you eat it without me? - What'll you do? Tell Monica or Joey? No, you'd have to tell them everything.
We're dessert stealers.
We're living outside the law.
I don't trust you with this cake.
I got it first, and I'm taking it back! - What? Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
You think I trust you with it? No, we'll split it.
That's not fair.
You had some.
I think Monica would be very interested to know that you called her cheesecake "dry and mealy.
" What do we use to split it? All right, pick a half.
Well, this side looks bigger.
But there's more crust on this side.
Maybe if I measure it Pick a piece! - All right, I pick that one.
- It's the smaller piece.
Okay.
There you go.
Enjoy your half, my friend.
But that is it.
No sharing, no switching, and don't come crying to me if you eat your piece too fast.
- You gonna give me some of yours? - Oh, no.
No switching, no sharing.
And don't come crying to me.
I may just sit here and have my cake all day.
Just sit here in the hallway and eat my Ross, sweetheart! Oh, hey, Aunt Millie.
- Isn't it a beautiful wedding? - Yes, it is.
Every time, on the lips! Why? Why on the lips? There's Frannie.
Won't she be happy to see me? You be nice, all right? I didn't bring you to ambush her.
Frannie was the one who showed your Playboys to Mom.
That bitch.
Monica! What? Am I doing here? Surprised to see me? Ross brought me.
How do you like that? Hi, Frannie.
Congratulations.
You invite my whole family, and not me? Why? Why wouldn't you want me here? What could I have done? Stuart! I believe you know my husband.
So it's really a question of "who" could you have done.
I hate this, but I have to go.
I can't miss my flight.
I bet there's another flight to Minsk in July.
That's really beautiful.
What does it mean? "Please clean my beakers.
" I don't get out of the lab much.
I thought it meant something else.
Yeah, well, I really actually wanted to say that.
But I figured I probably shouldn't because I have to leave.
No, you're right.
Don't say it.
I do, though.
I do too.
Well, bye, Phoebe.
Now's not the time, Joey.
You can yell at me tomorrow.
Wait, no, Pheebs.
I'm not gonna yell at you.
I just started thinking about you and David and I remember how bummed you were the first time he left.
Oh, Pheebs, come here.
- Are you okay? - No, I'm not okay.
The only guy I've ever been crazy about is going to Minsk and I may never see him again.
You could always visit him.
Right.
Like they'll let me have a passport.
Anything I can do? Whatever you need.
Well, now if you achieve distillation of subatomic particles before he does then he could come back.
I could give it a shot.
Oh, look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it.
- Stick to your side! - Come on, now! All right, what are we having? Oh, wait, I forgot my wrap.
Okay, wait here.
Hi, sweetie! Are you leaving? - Well - Give us a kiss.
Come on.
Why? Why on the lips?