Futurama s07e11 Episode Script

Two two, three - Viva Mars Vegas - It's over eight million bucks.
That's a lot of deniros.
Oh, this 'a Berry Berry bad! Earth's boring.
I'll save us.
Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas.
Take that, earth! Look out, penny slots.
I've got a system.
It's to put all my money in you.
Um, Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.
What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.
I just mean, your money management skills could use some work.
Like, the only reason my family even owns a casino is 'cause we've kept such a close eye on our money for generations.
You sure have! No offense, Zoidberg, but maybe you'd be better off if you stayed behind.
Oh, yes, better.
A lonely weekend in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears.
Sounds good.
See you Monday! The cops are closing in.
Better ditch the loot somewhere.
Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd street? Yeah.
What do you think I'm pointing at? Mars Vegas, here we come! God, it's Zoidberg.
I hate to bother you, but Okay, okay, I'll shut up! This very lucky casino own.
Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us.
Oh, man.
Oh! I can't help noticing a lot of your employees are native Martis.
Yeah, they a proud, grouchy people.
Well, they do work for minimum wage in a land that was once theirs.
Yeah, but they never made wise use of the land.
When my ancestor Reginald wong found them here, they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute.
Pfft.
Pathetic.
This here the buffet.
Ooh, perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp! Way up here's the money.
It's Mars' happiest place on earth! This much money could feed a small, starving planet.
But it doesn't! Ah.
Oh! Oh! I'll just reach down and get that.
Something don't smell right.
Don't mess with blind Joe.
Nothing get past his sense of smell.
Yeah, that's why he in here.
Guarding galaxy's most secure safe.
Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take.
This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money.
Category-five sucker now arriving.
the minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man who was stinkin' a real big lobster fresh shellfish you give me a rash ladies love a decapod with clothes made of cash then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every crab I see hey, rich lobster blow your wad of cash on me.
Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money? It's my eight million dollars.
God gave it to me.
Oh, come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money.
Ah, loosen up.
You can't take it with you.
Now I'm heading down to the casino, and I'm taking my money with me.
This is why you never see a poor person with millions of dollars eight one-million-dollar chips, please.
I think that's about eight.
Everything on 34.
Zoidberg, what are you doing?! I don't know.
I think it's called roulette.
You win $288 million Let it ride! Ten billion, Vodka with a sardine in it, please.
In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment.
No! I'm having fun and a sardini! Now that's the God I know.
Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Ah, easy come, easy go.
But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy.
And if you ask me, that makes me a winner.
Category-five loser now departing.
hey, big lobster I'll make th simple.
Our money or your life.
Sardini? I'm telling you the truth, I swear.
Clamps, break something over his head.
Everything in here's already broken.
Find the least broken object and use that.
This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece.
Ow! I told you, I spent it in Mars Vegas! All eight million dollars! He can't be lying', boss not after a krantzing like that.
All right.
Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster.
This one we're in seems pretty close.
Aah! Aah! Oh! He's full of ink! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
We should have brought a gun.
That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas.
Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there.
Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine.
Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Oh, luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality.
What's that? A tattoo-removal laser? Oh, , Hermes, you and your preposterous Sci-Fi nonsense.
No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer.
It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through and rendering the ink invisible ah, so it's less painful than regular tattoo removal.
Nobody said that.
The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z.
Hide a Gia lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized! You mean I'm invisible? No, no, no.
Not in any sense of the word.
But essentially, yes, entirely.
It's no use, Zoidberg.
We're, like, 85% sure you're in there! Where is that rat? Zoidberg's not here.
All right, but if you see him, give him one of these and one of these Give and not one of these.
Come on, clamps, let's go, and watch out there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here.
Well, that's that.
We ain't getting our money ba from this Zoidberg.
Hey, boss, this here casino looks like it makes lot of money.
Maybe the mafia should get involved in the casino business.
What are you, an idiot? Pretty much, yeah.
Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own.
Come on, let's go take over this casino.
Fore! Mr.
wong, we have a mafia proposal for you.
Your casino give it to us.
Okay, fine, I just retire to my fabulous mansion.
Hey, boss, ain't that the type of mansion you like? Oh, Amy, the mafia took everything we had our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants.
Don't worry, mom, you can always come live with me.
No, we can't.
Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent? Okay, we're at the dump.
Where should we heave this stuff? It's not a dump.
It's the company housing we built for our employees.
Only place we can afford now.
Just drop it here on this bloody mattress? Thanks, tissue ghost.
You can't afford tissue any more.
This is Walgreens brand nose paper.
Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake.
Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.
No, no, no.
Go ahead.
I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone.
I'm sorry.
I appreciate that, Amy.
Is there any way I can help, maybe? No, I don't see how Wait, don't see.
That's how you can help.
There's one sure way to set everything right.
We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist.
Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.
I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners.
Questions? Um, how come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.
Now, the heist.
As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor.
But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe.
Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take.
Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible.
Well, that, that just might work.
Over here with the donut.
But the money's not invisible.
If the mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money.
Everything he swallows turns invisible.
Like so.
Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience.
Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds.
How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight? And he may be invisible, but he's not insmellable.
He stinks like the inside of a tauntaun.
Won't someone notice the stench? No, and to keep you on your toes, I'll explain why only after the heist has begun.
The key to the whole operation is the casino's shrimp buffet.
Today is Friday, the day the week-old shrimp get hauled off, so the stench should be just strong enough to mask Zoidberg's presence.
Ew, what's bringing the stank? It ain't my gambling diaper.
I just changed it.
Must be the shrimp.
It's working.
Zoidberg, what are you doing? Sorry, I'm just so hungry.
Don't spoil your appetite.
You need to eat At precisely 3:40, the Hazmat team arrives to swap out the shrimp.
Meanwhile, ten floors above, the vault is being opened.
Something don't smell right.
Eh, shut your nose.
It's just the shrimp cart.
Oh I think there was something wrong with that rotten shrimp.
Stop griping.
Now get in there, and remember, eat everything in the safe, especially the little metal box.
That's the most valuable thing of all.
Three, two, one.
Oh, no, our cart! We count on that for our job that we do.
Pew.
Joey, you got fingers, right? Help me fix the lady's wheel.
Once our man's inside, we'll need to distract the Donbot so he doesn't close the safe prematurely.
You know, I think I'll close the safe a little prematurely today.
Whoa-ho! Don't shut that door, partner.
I'm a cr-razy Texas robot millionaire, and I plan on losing billions in your "casiny.
" Eh, can you assure me my losings will be safe in this here money closet? Yes.
Please step aside.
Four-alarm chili.
Four-alarm chili.
Hello! I'm prime minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria.
I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes! Oy, so full.
And I still have to eat the metal box.
As you can see by my jeans and hoodie, I'm a young Internet billionaire.
Help! I'm sick! I can't move at all! What was that? Uh, I said "aseeka kanamoo atall.
" It means, uh, "we must leave now in an unusual manner.
" It means, uh, I'm enjoying the casino business.
You meet a lot of colorful characters.
Okay, you're good to go.
Get this bubba dump out of here.
Okay, push "roof" and we're home free! Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" Oh that was a rough ride.
Uh-oh.
Look! The shrimp cart's paying out! Keep going.
We're almost outside! Zoidberg, try to just burp up singles.
Blind Joe! Smell with your eyes what I see with my nose.
Well, well, well, what have we here? Seriously, what is that? It's whoever or whatever just emptied out your safe.
Allight, shoot him, blind Joe.
And let this be a lesson to any other albino lobsters thinking of robbing our casino There ya go.
Don't shoot! I have a deal to offer you.
Sorry.
We native martians aren't so crazy about deals with the wong family.
That's because you don't know the original deal, the one my family kept secret for centuries.
That's because you don't know the origin This is the original contract signed by Reginald wong.
It stated that my ancestors would hold the land for a hundred years, after which it was supposed to revert to the martians.
This casino belongs to your people! But Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back! Yes, back to its rightful owners.
Now just a hold-on minute.
This casino is wrongfully ours.
Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes.
With ironic pleasure.
Let's go, trespassers.
Hey! What? Hey! Hey, what are you doing? Take it eas'! Well, we lost the casino, but thanks to Amy's kindness, the martians gave us ba our house And our other casino.
So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink.
So, forever.
Aw, come on.
U can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite.
Hey, big lobster! Take a little bath with me!