JAG s07e11 Episode Script
Answered Prayers
( bell jingling, people talking excitedly ) ( women laughing ) Merry Christmas.
Thank you, sir.
Help save the children.
Here you go.
Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Change a 20, Santa? Merry Christmas.
( clattering ) In there.
( man speaks indistinctly ) ( grunting ) There.
( people talking excitedly ) What happened? You all right? ( clattering ) There.
Right.
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! My shift is over, soldier boy.
Sorry, Santa.
Hey.
WOMAN ( over P.
A.
): Mrs.
Evans to the toy department.
Mrs.
Evans to the toy department.
( knocking on door ) Anyone there? WOMAN: What is it? Please open this door.
Hi.
Can I help you? Petty Officer Jennifer Coates, you're under arrest.
SIMS: The eagle has landed, sir.
You're sure that's what he said? Those are Commander Turner's exact words, sir: "The eagle has landed.
" Then there is a Santa Claus.
Sir? That means that Sturgis found a starter motor manufactured between January and March 1968.
That's great, sir.
You always want original parts, Lieutenant.
Of course, sir.
It's a guy thing, Lieutenant.
Men are always very fond of their original parts.
( chuckles ) Plans for the holidays, Loren? A romantic Christmas and that's all I'm saying.
CHEGWIDDEN: Enter.
Have a seat.
Sorry to do this two days before Christmas.
Petty Officer Third Class Jennifer Coates is an electronic technician aboard the USS Gainesville.
She has high proficiency marks for her skills but has a record of insubordination and unauthorized absence.
Earlier this week, she resisted apprehension and was caught impersonating Santa Claus and pocketing the cash.
How much did she get, sir? Uh, $48.
18.
That's barely a misdemeanor.
SINGER: She took money intended for a charity, sir.
What could be more heinous? Save it for closing arguments, Lieutenant.
You'll be prosecuting.
Commander, you will defend.
( knocking on door ) Let's wrap this one up quickly.
Tiner? Sorry to interrupt, sir.
This just came in.
Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, et al v.
The United States Navy Tiner, is this a joke? From a base in Keflavik, Iceland, sir.
Reindeer broke through a runway fence.
Base security corralled the reindeer in order to safeguard them.
Some kids in New York saw it on ZNN and got scared Santa wouldn't be bringing any Christmas presents.
One of their fathers is a lawyer, sir.
"Federal class action" "Emergency motion to release impounded reindeer"? I can see the headlines now, Admiral: "Navy Grounds Santa Claus.
" That will be all, Commander.
Each year 170 enlisted personnel are given SECNAV nominations for admission to the U.
S.
Naval Academy.
You're a very lucky man, Petty Officer.
You have friends in high places.
As his special assistant, SECNAV has asked me to look into your application.
Your evals are outstanding and your application essay heartfelt.
Thank you, sir.
However, there are several questions regarding your record.
When serving on the Wake Island, you fired a CIWS into a "no engage" sector? Yes, sir.
But that wasn't Mikey Petty Officer Roberts' fault, Commander Lindsey.
Another sailor came forward and admitted to tampering with the petty officer's fire control system.
And the incident in Mazatlan? That was a scam to shake down the navy, sir.
It says here that your father helped you out of that jam, Petty Officer? He'd seen many foreign ports, sir, and had a feel for what happened and how to do deal with the situation.
Retired Master Chief Storekeeper Roberts.
Prosecuted for wrongful disposition of military property and larceny.
He was acquitted, sir.
You have an interesting family, Petty Officer.
But a naval academy midshipmen must be of sterling character; must demonstrate a clear potential for leadership.
Commander, I think I'm up for the challenge.
The navy's my life.
Serving my country, fighting for my country, especially now, that's all I want.
And if you give me this chance, I'll be a damned darned good officer.
You make a good case for yourself, Petty Officer.
We'll be in touch.
RABB: Okay, drop the resisting.
She pleads to U.
A.
She returns the Santa suit.
in rate to E-Four.
COATES: In the brig? That's kind of steep, Loren, for a first infraction.
First charge.
Petty Officer Coates was previously officially reprimanded at captain's mast for gambling aboard the USS Gainesville.
Like I was the first sailor to ever play poker, ma'am.
That'll be enough, Petty Officer.
She also bet on the anchor pool.
I've done that, Lieutenant.
But you never yelled, "Man overboard" to delay the anchor drop to win a bet.
You rigged the anchor pool? None of this would have happened, sir, if I'd done a lousy six months in Frederick County Jail.
Jail? A couple bounced checks.
What else? A little shoplifting here and there.
The judge over in Hagerstown had it in for me.
He gave me a choice: serve my time or serve my country.
Do you have a great desire to remain in the navy, Petty Officer? Yes, sir.
That's why I was standing on a street corner impersonating Santa Claus.
How'd you like to be home for Christmas? Petty Officer Third Class Jennifer Coates.
Unauthorized absence, resisting apprehension.
Are we going to dispose of this? Your Honor, this court has no personal jurisdiction over Petty Officer Coates and these charges should be dismissed.
Do tell, Commander.
Ma'am, her enlistment was not voluntary.
It's therefore defective.
Under The United States v.
Catlow, ma'am I'm familiar with the case.
I thought congress took care of that and civilian judges stopped sending us their mistakes.
Lieutenant Singer, what's the government's position on this motion? We will argue there was a constructive enlistment and demand an evidentiary hearing, ma'am.
Lieutenant, there is no way to get the state court transcripts here before the holiday.
Then we'll take this up after the holidays.
The Bailiff will transport the defendant to Oh Actually, I allowed the bailiff to go do his Christmas shopping.
Defense Counsel will transport the defendant to restricted barracks at Anacostia.
Merry Christmas, Commander.
MAN: Children around the world have taken up the cause of the reindeer imprisoned by the U.
S.
Navy at Keflavik Naval Air Station, Iceland.
Will they be freed in time to lead Santa's sleigh or will they remain incarcerated on a lonely naval base in the frozen North? ( knocking on door ) Enter.
Excuse me, Admiral.
More letters, sir.
Hand them to me.
( loud thud ) Thank you, Tiner.
Aye, sir.
MAN: We've closed up for the holidays, Commander.
Everyone's either deployed or out on good behavior.
Can I help you, sir? I have a pretrial detainee.
I could call the brig and let them know you're on your way.
Lock me up for the holidays? Well, if you're in the commander's custody, Petty Officer, it's his call.
Either he can take you to the brig, or Or? Or I can return you to your unit.
They're aboard the USS Gainesville, sir, deployed on exercises off the coast of Panama.
Or I can place you with a second party whom I trust, who will guarantee you'll not go U.
A.
again.
That sounds a lot better than ten days behind bars, sir.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
Merry Christmas.
Same to you.
Good luck, sir.
You could leave me with my brother, Hal, sir.
He's very responsible.
What does Hal do? He's a CPA, sir.
Family man.
Straight arrow.
His wife Helen's an excellent cook.
Roast goose is her specialty.
Next Friday, he can take me to court himself.
( upbeat music playing ) It's holiday time Hear those sleigh bells ringing Not so fast, Petty Officer.
Get your Christmas boxes swinging Jen, that you? Hey, Tiny.
Where's Hal? Oh, he went for more beer.
My brother's shopping, sir.
I'll just I'll wait here for him.
You got a brother? We got the jukebox jumping Nice try.
Who the hell's your brother? Where are we going now, sir? Well, Petty Officer, unless you have another relative Father, sir.
He's a minister.
It's holiday time He is.
Everybody's singing MIKEY: What's wrong with going to the naval academy? What's wrong with being an enlisted man? Nothing.
I just thought you would be pleased.
I guess it's all right if you want to be a ringknocker like Harmon Rabb Jr.
Dad, what I want is to get a great education and be a naval officer.
How in the hell are you going to pass electrical engineering? I was at the top of my class in "C" School.
Top of my class.
Son, they can train a monkey to be a fire controlman.
Dad, Mikey is motivated.
He has a goal.
Hey, I'm trying to spare him the heartache.
What heartache? Not everybody gets what they want in life.
It's time Mikey learned that.
RABB: Reverend Coates? What'd Jennifer do now? Merry Christmas to you, too, Daddy.
I'm Commander Rabb, sir.
I'm with the JAG Corps.
You want to leave her here? Yes, sir.
Just until next Friday.
What's the matter, all the jails full? Closed actually, like your mind.
Reverend, I'm going to need you to take responsibility for the petty officer just until her court date, sir.
I rented out your room.
You can sleep on the sofa.
Not in the manger? That's about the gutter level I expect from you.
Come in if you're coming.
Want to stick around for plum pudding, Commander? Let's go.
Sorry to put you through that.
Don't pity me, sir.
Don't you dare.
CHEGWIDDEN: Tiner, what reindeer eat? Not offhand, sir.
Apparently, neither do the mess cooks in Keflavik.
Been feeding them leftovers.
All nine reindeer are indisposed.
Now all the children of the world think we're poisoning Santa's sleigh team.
Admiral, the reporter from the Times called again, sir.
He wants your comment on several rumors that have been circulating on the Internet.
Christmas dinner at Keflavik, sir? The Times wants to know is it really going to be venison? SIMS: I hope you'll join us for eggnog tomorrow night before we go to church.
At your home? It is Christmas, Loren.
Since we're all headed to hear Commander Turner's father preach, I thought, you know, maybe Okay.
Well, I've got nothing better to do.
Sorry.
Kevin was supposed to come from Boston.
A suite at the Willard, romantic dinner Who's Kevin? Commodities trader.
Aggressively sweet.
What happened? His family insisted he join them at Hyannis.
Somehow they forgot to invite me.
But he sent his regrets.
Are those real? ( elevator bell dings ) They'd better be.
CHLOE: And then this one's from Bahrain.
Dad said that I'd be really good at riding a camel but that the jumps might be tricky.
I'm sorry you couldn't be with your dad for Christmas.
This was going to be our first Christmas together, but then he got deployed when the world got all freaky.
( "O Holy Night" playing ) There's just so much I want to tell him that I can't say to Grandma.
Well, you can tell anything, Chloe.
Okay.
There's this boy.
And? Can a best friend become your boyfriend? ( softly ): Sometimes if you're lucky.
( knocking on door ) RABB: Mac, it's me.
A new and glorious morn Fall On your knees Merry Christmas.
Thank you.
Perfume, right? I hope so.
Um, your present's under the tree.
Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie, Chloe Madison, this is Petty Officer Coates.
She's His-His prisoner.
Cool.
Uh, come in.
When Christ was born You'll do anything not to spend Christmas alone, won't you? RABB: That's what I want to talk to you about.
I want to know if you wouldn't mind looking after the petty officer just at night.
She really is your prisoner? It's a long story.
I have Chloe.
I think it would be cool, Mac.
I'm going back to Vermont tomorrow, where it really snows.
Um Okay, just one night.
You don't mind sleeping on the couch? I've slept in stranger places.
MIKEY: Maybe Dad is right.
The whole thing is crazy.
Midshipman Roberts? You can do it, Mikey.
You've got your foot in the door.
The back door.
Come on, Bud.
Those academy guys are all brainiacs.
Hey, don't let Dad get to you.
How'd you do it? Do what? Become an officer? Go to law school? Have a life? Oh, I had a couple of people who believed in me loved me.
ROBERTS: Hey, buddy.
Getting ready for bed? Give me a kiss.
I'll be in in a minute.
Okay.
Kiss good-night.
Night-night, Uncle Mikey.
Night-night.
Night.
Good night, little A.
J.
All right.
Now I see what you mean, only I don't have good friends like Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie or a woman like Harriet.
Mikey, I never thought it would happen to me either, and then one day it did.
You've just got to stick it out and hang in there.
Have faith.
Yeah.
MacKENZIE: So, any news about your brother? Oh, the Red Cross say he's doing fine, considering he's a prisoner.
Winter in Chechnya, though.
Are you okay? Um, I got a postcard from Mic.
He's spending his Christmas at sea.
I got a postcard from Renee's mother.
Renee and the mortician are honeymooning in Maui.
That's what you get after two years of loving someone: a postcard.
I bet you know a lot about guys.
Way too much.
There's this boy in my class, Rick.
You want him to like you? Yeah.
Steal his watch.
What? Then find it.
He'll owe you.
RABB: Listen, Mac, thanks for taking care of the petty officer.
Where are you headed? Um I've got to meet Sturgis.
CHLOE: He's the sweetest horse.
you're ever going to meet.
He's a baby.
Petty Officer, I'll see you tomorrow.
Not if I see you first.
It's a joke, sir.
Make sure that it is.
See you, Chloe.
Bye.
( door closes ) RABB: Sturgis, did you ever get in trouble as a kid? The only son of Chaplain Turner.
What do you think? Come on.
Never? When I was 12, I borrowed a bicycle without asking.
To my father, wrongful appropriation was the same as stealing.
Why'd you do it? Show my independence you know, get out from Dad's shadow.
Some stupid kid reason.
What did he do to you? Or should I ask him tomorrow night? No, no.
He forgave me.
He forgave me.
'Course that was after I scrubbed the chapel floors with a toothbrush, but, uh Yeah.
( engine starting ) ( chuckling ) You did it.
We did it.
I could have done this without you.
What do you say we take her for a little spin? Without a top? What if it snows? Since when are you afraid of a little snow? Since I sunk my entire bank account into this baby.
I don't know if you noticed, but it's winter outside.
MacKENZIE: You're pretty handy in the kitchen.
I ran away from home; I got a job as a short-order cook when I was 14.
Is that legal? I told the manager I was an orphan.
You lied? More like wishful thinking.
I used to make things up.
Mm.
Chloe used to tell people that I was her mother.
Then I realized you can't have everything you want.
So, I settled for a big sister.
I stopped acting out when Mac found my father.
Yeah, maybe she could help me lose mine.
MacKENZIE: That's a terrible thing to say.
I doubt you'd understand any better than Commander Rabb.
Try me.
The two of you are so perfect.
A couple of recruiting posters.
I could just picture your childhoods.
( phone rings ) You don't know anything.
Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie.
Mac's father was an alcoholic, her mother ran off, and Harm's father was shot down Everything's fine.
in Vietnam, Christmas, 1969.
I never even knew my father till I was 11.
And Harm has a brother in a Chechen prison.
You're not the only one with problems.
She's right here.
Chloe, it's for you.
Hello.
Daddy! CHLOE: I knew you were going to call.
Colonel, I'm-I'm sorry for what I said.
That's all right, but if you want to talk Talk about what? I don't know-- your future.
You're an electronics technician, right? How'd you know that, ma'am? Commander Rabb told me.
And you're pretty good at it.
All fours and fives on your evals except for conduct.
Why did he even bother to look? ( sighs ) Because he cares.
He cares so much, he spent the day trying to get rid of me.
My guess is that you can be pretty annoying, Petty Officer Coates, and the commander doesn't like to be a junior in that department.
( laughs ) What are your goals, anyway? Stay out of jail.
Mm, lofty ambition.
I don't know.
I I want a job that I like the right guy, a couple kids.
Two out of three would be all right.
You know what that makes you? No, ma'am.
Just like the rest of us.
COATES: Colonel MacKenzie told me how much you love your old Thunderbird.
RABB: Corvette.
It's a 1968 Mako Shark.
Fiberglass body, rally red.
That fits you, sir.
How'd you end up with the Lexus? Guy named Gemmill stuck me with it.
Oh, no, not again.
This has happened before? Yeah.
29 months and seven days ago.
Next time buy a Subaru.
Sorry.
This is unbelievable.
( keypad beeping ) I Hi.
This is Navy Commander Harmom Rabb.
I'm with the JAG Corps.
I need to report a stolen car.
Sir, you know it's the day before Christmas.
Yes, I'm aware it's the day before Christmas.
All right, hang on.
Thanks.
Sir, you'll have to come in to the station to make the report.
So? So, who would do something like this? Sir I mean, what kind of a low-life scum goes around stealing other people's stuff? I'm sorry.
I-I didn't mean you.
Yeah, you did.
Look, sir, some people steal because they want what other people have.
Some for the thrill some just for the attention.
Is that your story? You want to know the truth? ( cell phone rings ) Rabb.
Happy holidays.
( explosion, glass rattling ) RABB: What the hell was that? I gave my nephew a chemistry set for Christmas.
He opened his Christmas present early? That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Rabb.
Well, if you're wondering what you can get me for Christmas, you can get me a new car.
( multiple explosions ) Where the hell are you anyway? Kabul? ( glass clattering ) RABB: Webb?! Hello? ( static hissing ) Let's get out of here.
Where are we going, sir? I got to see the authorities.
You're taking me to the brig? I have to go to the 7th Precinct.
They need me to report this in person.
( sighs ) They drag me out of retirement this time every year.
Make yourself comfortable.
Sir.
This will be Dad's That's right.
Let me have your things, Dad.
There you go.
First one was during the Korean War.
Sasebo, Japan.
A company of marines who had just returned from Heartbreak Ridge.
Headed straight for the brothels.
Well, the only way to get those marines in the chapel was to hire the ladies of the night to sing in the choir.
You ever hear "Silent Night" in Japanese, Admiral? ( chuckling ): No.
I've heard it in Vietnamese by French nuns in Can Tho.
We climbed our way out of the Delta, made it to an old French plantation for services under the stars.
Most of us never thought we'd make it back home for Christmas again, but a navy chaplain lifted us out of the mud and despair.
"In a time of great hardship, "a star appeared, brighter than the rest "giving us hope that God is with us, "that no matter the depth of the darkness, God's love shines in the night.
" That was you.
Sir, those, uh those words gave us great comfort.
They still do.
Thank you.
That's, uh, good to hear.
( knocking on door ) Excuse me, Admiral.
The clerk of District Court in New York just called, sir.
There's to be a hearing by telephone on the restraining order at 1900.
Thank you, Tiner.
Aye, sir.
What kind of case needs to be heard on Christmas Eve, sir? Reindeer rustling.
At Keflavik? We saw that on TV.
Seabees are fixing the perimeter fencing around the runway, but until then, the navy is keeping the reindeer corralled.
Chaplain at Keflavik's an old friend.
Maybe he can help.
I've got a federal judge breathing down my neck.
It may take more than just prayer.
Oh, that's a beautiful bracelet.
A Christmas gift.
One-of-a-kind.
( whistles ) What'd you have to do to earn that, Lieutenant? I'm sure it was given with love, Master Chief.
Mm-hmm-hmm.
I thought so, too, Colonel, until I went to the jeweler to have it appraised for the insurance.
They're not real? Oh, they're real.
But the jeweler called me "Patty.
" Turns out Kevin sent the same one-of-kind bracelet to a Patty Sachs, and on cross-examination, he admitted he sent an identical one to a Wendy Pearson.
A serial Santa.
A serial jerk.
( knocking on door ) SIMS: Commander! Merry Christmas.
Oh, Merry Christmas.
Come on in.
Thank you.
Hi.
Lieutenant Sims, this is Petty Officer Coates.
It's Jennifer, ma'am.
Very nice to meet you, Jennifer.
This is for Baby A.
J.
Thank you.
Welcome.
Come in.
Make yourself at home.
Thanks.
Lieutenant Roberts, Petty Officer Coates.
Hi.
Lieutenant.
Master Chief Roberts, retired.
Master Chief.
Call me Big Bud, honey.
( cell phone rings ) Excuse me.
Rabb.
Rabb! Let's try this again! ( helicopter blades whirring ) RABB: Webb? Where the hell are you? That's classified.
I've got news.
What? Webb? Rabb, can you hear me? Can you hear me? ( line goes dead ) MacKENZIE: Hey, Harm.
Hey.
How are you? Good.
You? I'm, uh, a little beleaguered, but I'm okay.
Is Sturgis here? He's with his father getting ready for tonight's service.
SINGER: Commander, what is your prisoner doing here? ( chuckles ) Don't ask.
Just where did she spend last night? With me.
Really? What about tonight? I need a beverage.
Excuse me.
MacKENZIE: Okay.
ROBERTS: Here you go, sir.
Aw, thank you.
Place looks great, Bud.
Sir, thank you so much.
A.
J.
loves this little car.
( chuckles ) Well, I hope nobody steals yours.
Any news on your Vette, sir? Not yet.
Did you know that Colombian drug dealers love to collect classic American cars? Just like you'd special-order from a dealer, they just call up a car-theft ring and say, "Get me a '68 Corvette with four-on-the-floor, preferably red.
" Hmm.
I'll just bet your Vette's on board a freighter bound for Barranquilla right now.
( laughing ) So, you're really a prisoner? Yes.
What do you usually do on Christmas Eve? Well, when I was a kid, I'd sing in the choir, listen to my father preach and commit random acts of violence.
Really? Yeah, my old man used to get drunk and sing dirty Christmas carols.
Well, mine gave sermons that threatened damnation for jaywalking.
So, I'm guessing you and your dad didn't get along too well, huh? No.
The Right Reverend Conrad Coates loves the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
That doesn't leave much room for anyone else.
Yeah, my dad's a jerk.
But, you know, I love him.
How does that work? He's the only dad I've got.
RABB: I'm sure you know, Master Chief, what an appointment to the academy would mean for Mikey.
Yeah, it'd mean he can push enlisted men around for the next 30 years.
He's going to have a lot of work ahead of him.
He'll need your encouragement.
And I need a drink.
Hey, Pop.
( indistinct conversations ) You have a great family.
Yeah.
We're a regular Brady Bunch.
It's easy to forget there's such a thing as everyday happiness.
What made you suddenly remember? I don't know.
Meeting all of you.
Humph.
Hey, news flash.
Life ain't no Jimmy Stewart movie.
( Baby A.
J.
giggling ) ( sighs ) You know what gets me? ( puts bottle down ) I can't help my sons.
I can only hurt them.
It's always been that way for us.
Your sons love you.
How the hell do you know that? One of them just told me.
Was he drinking? RABB: Yeah, I can be there in, uh Thank you.
Mac, they found it.
Look, can you look after the petty officer? I'll be back.
Ah, okay.
Admiral.
Commander.
Good evening, sir.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Tiner.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, sir.
Excuse me.
Officer.
I'm Commander Rabb.
How you doing, Commander? Sorry.
( indistinct radio tranmissions ) It's an automatic.
So? So, I have a four-speed stick.
( chuckles ) This isn't my car.
Well, some poor bastard's not having a Merry Christmas.
( chuckles ) In a startling development from the frozen North, the reindeer incarcerated by the U.
S.
Navy have been granted a work release.
They'll be permitted to spend one night under the supervision of Santa Claus or his alter ego, Commander Saul Ruttenberg, a navy chaplain.
Rabbi Ruttenberg, any message for the children of the world? Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah! And a Happy Hanukkah to you, too, Rabbi.
Merry Christmas, Admiral.
It is, now.
I think Chaplain Turner has a direct line to heaven.
SINGER: Damn it, my bracelet's gone.
I took it off in the bathroom and she went in there.
I didn't steal your bracelet.
That's what you do, isn't it? CHEGWIDDEN: Lieutenant.
Loren, I'm sure it's around here somewhere.
Why don't we all look for it, okay? I'll go look in the kitchen.
Okay? SINGER: I just took it off to wash my hands.
It was by the basin.
I've already looked.
It's not there.
No sign of the bracelet, sir.
Any luck out here? None.
Where's Petty Officer Coates? I thought she was with you.
Admiral.
She left.
COATES: Follow the lady wherever she goes.
She's here, she's there, she's everywhere.
Where is she now? That one.
Sorry.
You're cheating.
You're an idiot! Merry Christmas.
( sighs ) Thanks.
How did you find me? Well, I, uh I got a call from the admiral, reading me the riot act, so I stopped by your friend Tiny's house and he told me you hang out here sometimes.
I didn't steal that witch's bracelet.
That's Lieutenant Witch to you.
Whatever.
Do you believe me, sir? Why'd you run? Force of habit.
You know, Jen, a lot of people have turned their lives around in the military.
Respectfully, spare me the lecture.
I really don't belong in the navy.
I just want to get back to my life.
What? Standing on the corner begging for small change? Why does any of this matter to you, sir? It's Christmastime.
Why didn't you just leave me with my father? Is that what you wanted? No.
I spent a lifetime trying to get away from him.
Jen, whatever you're doing, it's not working.
Look, no one wants me, Commander.
That's not true.
Look at you, sir! Passing me from hand to hand.
You've done everything you can to get rid of me.
Well, that was wrong of me, I'm sorry.
What will Lieutenant Singer do, sir? Well, when she retracts her claws from the ceiling, she'll probably add grand theft to your list of sins.
Don't worry about it, Jen.
We'll get through this.
I'll stay with you every step of the way.
( sniffling ) You be a good boy, okay, sweetheart? Tiner, thank you very much for babysitting.
Glad to, ma'am.
We'll be fine.
Okay.
Everybody, let's get going.
Uh-oh! Hey, Lieutenant, this is your lucky night.
( forced laughter ) Do you want to keep your pension? Commander.
Sir.
Petty Officer.
See you at the church.
RABB: Aye, sir.
SIMS: Commander, is everything all right? Absolutely.
The petty officer just needed a long walk to clear her head.
Any luck with the car, sir? False alarm.
Lieutenant Singer, about the bracelet Sir um, A.
J.
took it out of the bathroom.
We found it behind the dresser, sir.
I was wrong about you.
You were quick to judge, ma'am.
And you were quick to run.
Yes, ma'am.
So where does that leave us? Let's forget about the bracelet and the walk around the block.
But I'm not going to dismiss the U.
A.
charge or the resisting.
That would be too much to hope for, ma'am.
SIMS: Okay, you guys, let's not be late.
Well, Petty Officer Hey.
You made it.
Yeah.
Oh, here, let me.
Oh, thanks.
Great.
There.
Thanks.
Sure.
Uh-oh, awkward moment #310.
( laughs softly ) CHOIR: Holy infant so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace Sleep in heavenly peace.
When God revealed himself to us, he did so through a family.
Which is why I speak to you tonight of Joseph, the forgotten man of the Christmas story.
We know much about Mary and, of course, the Christ child, but the Bible makes few references into the life of Joseph.
Therefore, he remains somewhat of a mystery, much as many of our own fathers do.
But we do know that Joseph was a gentle father and a courageous man.
He saved his family from Herod by taking them on the dangerous journey to Egypt, taught his son his own trade, as fathers do even today.
Joseph died before Jesus grew up to become a man and begin his ministry.
Yet Joseph still believed.
"Blessed are those who believe "that He will bind up the brokenhearted and free the captives.
" At his best, a father is the solid foundation of a house, his support taken for granted.
At other times he may need shoring up himself.
He may be tired, he may be impatient, he may be mired in his own problems.
But always, the father looks beyond the here and now.
He keeps one eye trained on the next generation.
So, out of necessity, he is a man filled with hope-- hope that a knowing God watches over the universe; hope that justice will prevail; hope that we will be reunited with our loved ones.
As Saint Paul said, "Abide by these three: faith, hope and love.
The greatest of these is love.
" So, when we give thanks to the Father for our blessings, let us not forget Joseph, or our own fathers, that they not be forgotten this Christmas.
May God bless you and Merry Christmas.
CHOIR: Joy to the world The Lord is come Let earth recieve her king Chaplain, you did it again.
Thank you, Admiral.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, sir.
Uh, excuse me.
You will be getting formal notice next week, Petty Officer, but, uh, I think I can say it now.
Merry Christmas, Midshipman Roberts.
Thank you, sir! And, uh, Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
And good luck.
Hey, congratulations, Mikey! Congratulations.
Thanks, Bud.
You'll make a fine officer, Mikey.
How can you know that, Pop? I spent a lifetime around officers.
And you hated them all.
Yeah, well, maybe I didn't know them as good as I know you.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Pop.
Commander Lindsey, I'm Loren Singer.
Oh, very nice to meet you.
It must be fascinating working for the SECNAV.
( vehicle approaching ) Harm You might want to see this.
Excuse me, sir.
You found my car? TURNER: Found it? No.
You stole it?! What are you talking about? Took it for a little spin.
To get the new top.
Sturgis What? You are all right.
( chuckling ) Merry Christmas, buddy.
Merry Christmas to you.
Harm, I don't think we'll all fit.
( laughs ) Well, I'll come by tomorrow and take everyone for a ride.
You all right? Yeah, I'll be fine.
Colonel MacKenzie's offered to let me stay with her.
I know.
We'll discuss your case tomorrow.
On Christmas Day? Well, I have to come by and give everybody a ride, right? And I still have a present under your tree.
COATES: About your argument, sir, defective enlistment, is true, the judge made me enlist, but I can stay in if I want, right? What made you change your mind? You.
Can they throw me in the brig for that? Yes.
It was worth it.
It's that time.
Tell him "Merry Christmas" for me.
( sighs ) "To Harmon Rabb Sr.
The father I never knew.
" Now we're all here.
Sergei? Hello, my brother.
How did you get here? Well, I have a friend in Argun who has a friend in Grozny.
Webb.
You traded favors.
That's what I was trying to call you about.
I traded two boxcars of wheat for Sergeant Zhukov.
We've been on the road for 18 hours.
Merry Christmas, Harm.
Merry Christmas, Clay.
Good night.
Uh, Mr.
Webb You're welcome.
My brother.
Thank you, sir.
Help save the children.
Here you go.
Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Change a 20, Santa? Merry Christmas.
( clattering ) In there.
( man speaks indistinctly ) ( grunting ) There.
( people talking excitedly ) What happened? You all right? ( clattering ) There.
Right.
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! My shift is over, soldier boy.
Sorry, Santa.
Hey.
WOMAN ( over P.
A.
): Mrs.
Evans to the toy department.
Mrs.
Evans to the toy department.
( knocking on door ) Anyone there? WOMAN: What is it? Please open this door.
Hi.
Can I help you? Petty Officer Jennifer Coates, you're under arrest.
SIMS: The eagle has landed, sir.
You're sure that's what he said? Those are Commander Turner's exact words, sir: "The eagle has landed.
" Then there is a Santa Claus.
Sir? That means that Sturgis found a starter motor manufactured between January and March 1968.
That's great, sir.
You always want original parts, Lieutenant.
Of course, sir.
It's a guy thing, Lieutenant.
Men are always very fond of their original parts.
( chuckles ) Plans for the holidays, Loren? A romantic Christmas and that's all I'm saying.
CHEGWIDDEN: Enter.
Have a seat.
Sorry to do this two days before Christmas.
Petty Officer Third Class Jennifer Coates is an electronic technician aboard the USS Gainesville.
She has high proficiency marks for her skills but has a record of insubordination and unauthorized absence.
Earlier this week, she resisted apprehension and was caught impersonating Santa Claus and pocketing the cash.
How much did she get, sir? Uh, $48.
18.
That's barely a misdemeanor.
SINGER: She took money intended for a charity, sir.
What could be more heinous? Save it for closing arguments, Lieutenant.
You'll be prosecuting.
Commander, you will defend.
( knocking on door ) Let's wrap this one up quickly.
Tiner? Sorry to interrupt, sir.
This just came in.
Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, et al v.
The United States Navy Tiner, is this a joke? From a base in Keflavik, Iceland, sir.
Reindeer broke through a runway fence.
Base security corralled the reindeer in order to safeguard them.
Some kids in New York saw it on ZNN and got scared Santa wouldn't be bringing any Christmas presents.
One of their fathers is a lawyer, sir.
"Federal class action" "Emergency motion to release impounded reindeer"? I can see the headlines now, Admiral: "Navy Grounds Santa Claus.
" That will be all, Commander.
Each year 170 enlisted personnel are given SECNAV nominations for admission to the U.
S.
Naval Academy.
You're a very lucky man, Petty Officer.
You have friends in high places.
As his special assistant, SECNAV has asked me to look into your application.
Your evals are outstanding and your application essay heartfelt.
Thank you, sir.
However, there are several questions regarding your record.
When serving on the Wake Island, you fired a CIWS into a "no engage" sector? Yes, sir.
But that wasn't Mikey Petty Officer Roberts' fault, Commander Lindsey.
Another sailor came forward and admitted to tampering with the petty officer's fire control system.
And the incident in Mazatlan? That was a scam to shake down the navy, sir.
It says here that your father helped you out of that jam, Petty Officer? He'd seen many foreign ports, sir, and had a feel for what happened and how to do deal with the situation.
Retired Master Chief Storekeeper Roberts.
Prosecuted for wrongful disposition of military property and larceny.
He was acquitted, sir.
You have an interesting family, Petty Officer.
But a naval academy midshipmen must be of sterling character; must demonstrate a clear potential for leadership.
Commander, I think I'm up for the challenge.
The navy's my life.
Serving my country, fighting for my country, especially now, that's all I want.
And if you give me this chance, I'll be a damned darned good officer.
You make a good case for yourself, Petty Officer.
We'll be in touch.
RABB: Okay, drop the resisting.
She pleads to U.
A.
She returns the Santa suit.
in rate to E-Four.
COATES: In the brig? That's kind of steep, Loren, for a first infraction.
First charge.
Petty Officer Coates was previously officially reprimanded at captain's mast for gambling aboard the USS Gainesville.
Like I was the first sailor to ever play poker, ma'am.
That'll be enough, Petty Officer.
She also bet on the anchor pool.
I've done that, Lieutenant.
But you never yelled, "Man overboard" to delay the anchor drop to win a bet.
You rigged the anchor pool? None of this would have happened, sir, if I'd done a lousy six months in Frederick County Jail.
Jail? A couple bounced checks.
What else? A little shoplifting here and there.
The judge over in Hagerstown had it in for me.
He gave me a choice: serve my time or serve my country.
Do you have a great desire to remain in the navy, Petty Officer? Yes, sir.
That's why I was standing on a street corner impersonating Santa Claus.
How'd you like to be home for Christmas? Petty Officer Third Class Jennifer Coates.
Unauthorized absence, resisting apprehension.
Are we going to dispose of this? Your Honor, this court has no personal jurisdiction over Petty Officer Coates and these charges should be dismissed.
Do tell, Commander.
Ma'am, her enlistment was not voluntary.
It's therefore defective.
Under The United States v.
Catlow, ma'am I'm familiar with the case.
I thought congress took care of that and civilian judges stopped sending us their mistakes.
Lieutenant Singer, what's the government's position on this motion? We will argue there was a constructive enlistment and demand an evidentiary hearing, ma'am.
Lieutenant, there is no way to get the state court transcripts here before the holiday.
Then we'll take this up after the holidays.
The Bailiff will transport the defendant to Oh Actually, I allowed the bailiff to go do his Christmas shopping.
Defense Counsel will transport the defendant to restricted barracks at Anacostia.
Merry Christmas, Commander.
MAN: Children around the world have taken up the cause of the reindeer imprisoned by the U.
S.
Navy at Keflavik Naval Air Station, Iceland.
Will they be freed in time to lead Santa's sleigh or will they remain incarcerated on a lonely naval base in the frozen North? ( knocking on door ) Enter.
Excuse me, Admiral.
More letters, sir.
Hand them to me.
( loud thud ) Thank you, Tiner.
Aye, sir.
MAN: We've closed up for the holidays, Commander.
Everyone's either deployed or out on good behavior.
Can I help you, sir? I have a pretrial detainee.
I could call the brig and let them know you're on your way.
Lock me up for the holidays? Well, if you're in the commander's custody, Petty Officer, it's his call.
Either he can take you to the brig, or Or? Or I can return you to your unit.
They're aboard the USS Gainesville, sir, deployed on exercises off the coast of Panama.
Or I can place you with a second party whom I trust, who will guarantee you'll not go U.
A.
again.
That sounds a lot better than ten days behind bars, sir.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
Merry Christmas.
Same to you.
Good luck, sir.
You could leave me with my brother, Hal, sir.
He's very responsible.
What does Hal do? He's a CPA, sir.
Family man.
Straight arrow.
His wife Helen's an excellent cook.
Roast goose is her specialty.
Next Friday, he can take me to court himself.
( upbeat music playing ) It's holiday time Hear those sleigh bells ringing Not so fast, Petty Officer.
Get your Christmas boxes swinging Jen, that you? Hey, Tiny.
Where's Hal? Oh, he went for more beer.
My brother's shopping, sir.
I'll just I'll wait here for him.
You got a brother? We got the jukebox jumping Nice try.
Who the hell's your brother? Where are we going now, sir? Well, Petty Officer, unless you have another relative Father, sir.
He's a minister.
It's holiday time He is.
Everybody's singing MIKEY: What's wrong with going to the naval academy? What's wrong with being an enlisted man? Nothing.
I just thought you would be pleased.
I guess it's all right if you want to be a ringknocker like Harmon Rabb Jr.
Dad, what I want is to get a great education and be a naval officer.
How in the hell are you going to pass electrical engineering? I was at the top of my class in "C" School.
Top of my class.
Son, they can train a monkey to be a fire controlman.
Dad, Mikey is motivated.
He has a goal.
Hey, I'm trying to spare him the heartache.
What heartache? Not everybody gets what they want in life.
It's time Mikey learned that.
RABB: Reverend Coates? What'd Jennifer do now? Merry Christmas to you, too, Daddy.
I'm Commander Rabb, sir.
I'm with the JAG Corps.
You want to leave her here? Yes, sir.
Just until next Friday.
What's the matter, all the jails full? Closed actually, like your mind.
Reverend, I'm going to need you to take responsibility for the petty officer just until her court date, sir.
I rented out your room.
You can sleep on the sofa.
Not in the manger? That's about the gutter level I expect from you.
Come in if you're coming.
Want to stick around for plum pudding, Commander? Let's go.
Sorry to put you through that.
Don't pity me, sir.
Don't you dare.
CHEGWIDDEN: Tiner, what reindeer eat? Not offhand, sir.
Apparently, neither do the mess cooks in Keflavik.
Been feeding them leftovers.
All nine reindeer are indisposed.
Now all the children of the world think we're poisoning Santa's sleigh team.
Admiral, the reporter from the Times called again, sir.
He wants your comment on several rumors that have been circulating on the Internet.
Christmas dinner at Keflavik, sir? The Times wants to know is it really going to be venison? SIMS: I hope you'll join us for eggnog tomorrow night before we go to church.
At your home? It is Christmas, Loren.
Since we're all headed to hear Commander Turner's father preach, I thought, you know, maybe Okay.
Well, I've got nothing better to do.
Sorry.
Kevin was supposed to come from Boston.
A suite at the Willard, romantic dinner Who's Kevin? Commodities trader.
Aggressively sweet.
What happened? His family insisted he join them at Hyannis.
Somehow they forgot to invite me.
But he sent his regrets.
Are those real? ( elevator bell dings ) They'd better be.
CHLOE: And then this one's from Bahrain.
Dad said that I'd be really good at riding a camel but that the jumps might be tricky.
I'm sorry you couldn't be with your dad for Christmas.
This was going to be our first Christmas together, but then he got deployed when the world got all freaky.
( "O Holy Night" playing ) There's just so much I want to tell him that I can't say to Grandma.
Well, you can tell anything, Chloe.
Okay.
There's this boy.
And? Can a best friend become your boyfriend? ( softly ): Sometimes if you're lucky.
( knocking on door ) RABB: Mac, it's me.
A new and glorious morn Fall On your knees Merry Christmas.
Thank you.
Perfume, right? I hope so.
Um, your present's under the tree.
Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie, Chloe Madison, this is Petty Officer Coates.
She's His-His prisoner.
Cool.
Uh, come in.
When Christ was born You'll do anything not to spend Christmas alone, won't you? RABB: That's what I want to talk to you about.
I want to know if you wouldn't mind looking after the petty officer just at night.
She really is your prisoner? It's a long story.
I have Chloe.
I think it would be cool, Mac.
I'm going back to Vermont tomorrow, where it really snows.
Um Okay, just one night.
You don't mind sleeping on the couch? I've slept in stranger places.
MIKEY: Maybe Dad is right.
The whole thing is crazy.
Midshipman Roberts? You can do it, Mikey.
You've got your foot in the door.
The back door.
Come on, Bud.
Those academy guys are all brainiacs.
Hey, don't let Dad get to you.
How'd you do it? Do what? Become an officer? Go to law school? Have a life? Oh, I had a couple of people who believed in me loved me.
ROBERTS: Hey, buddy.
Getting ready for bed? Give me a kiss.
I'll be in in a minute.
Okay.
Kiss good-night.
Night-night, Uncle Mikey.
Night-night.
Night.
Good night, little A.
J.
All right.
Now I see what you mean, only I don't have good friends like Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie or a woman like Harriet.
Mikey, I never thought it would happen to me either, and then one day it did.
You've just got to stick it out and hang in there.
Have faith.
Yeah.
MacKENZIE: So, any news about your brother? Oh, the Red Cross say he's doing fine, considering he's a prisoner.
Winter in Chechnya, though.
Are you okay? Um, I got a postcard from Mic.
He's spending his Christmas at sea.
I got a postcard from Renee's mother.
Renee and the mortician are honeymooning in Maui.
That's what you get after two years of loving someone: a postcard.
I bet you know a lot about guys.
Way too much.
There's this boy in my class, Rick.
You want him to like you? Yeah.
Steal his watch.
What? Then find it.
He'll owe you.
RABB: Listen, Mac, thanks for taking care of the petty officer.
Where are you headed? Um I've got to meet Sturgis.
CHLOE: He's the sweetest horse.
you're ever going to meet.
He's a baby.
Petty Officer, I'll see you tomorrow.
Not if I see you first.
It's a joke, sir.
Make sure that it is.
See you, Chloe.
Bye.
( door closes ) RABB: Sturgis, did you ever get in trouble as a kid? The only son of Chaplain Turner.
What do you think? Come on.
Never? When I was 12, I borrowed a bicycle without asking.
To my father, wrongful appropriation was the same as stealing.
Why'd you do it? Show my independence you know, get out from Dad's shadow.
Some stupid kid reason.
What did he do to you? Or should I ask him tomorrow night? No, no.
He forgave me.
He forgave me.
'Course that was after I scrubbed the chapel floors with a toothbrush, but, uh Yeah.
( engine starting ) ( chuckling ) You did it.
We did it.
I could have done this without you.
What do you say we take her for a little spin? Without a top? What if it snows? Since when are you afraid of a little snow? Since I sunk my entire bank account into this baby.
I don't know if you noticed, but it's winter outside.
MacKENZIE: You're pretty handy in the kitchen.
I ran away from home; I got a job as a short-order cook when I was 14.
Is that legal? I told the manager I was an orphan.
You lied? More like wishful thinking.
I used to make things up.
Mm.
Chloe used to tell people that I was her mother.
Then I realized you can't have everything you want.
So, I settled for a big sister.
I stopped acting out when Mac found my father.
Yeah, maybe she could help me lose mine.
MacKENZIE: That's a terrible thing to say.
I doubt you'd understand any better than Commander Rabb.
Try me.
The two of you are so perfect.
A couple of recruiting posters.
I could just picture your childhoods.
( phone rings ) You don't know anything.
Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie.
Mac's father was an alcoholic, her mother ran off, and Harm's father was shot down Everything's fine.
in Vietnam, Christmas, 1969.
I never even knew my father till I was 11.
And Harm has a brother in a Chechen prison.
You're not the only one with problems.
She's right here.
Chloe, it's for you.
Hello.
Daddy! CHLOE: I knew you were going to call.
Colonel, I'm-I'm sorry for what I said.
That's all right, but if you want to talk Talk about what? I don't know-- your future.
You're an electronics technician, right? How'd you know that, ma'am? Commander Rabb told me.
And you're pretty good at it.
All fours and fives on your evals except for conduct.
Why did he even bother to look? ( sighs ) Because he cares.
He cares so much, he spent the day trying to get rid of me.
My guess is that you can be pretty annoying, Petty Officer Coates, and the commander doesn't like to be a junior in that department.
( laughs ) What are your goals, anyway? Stay out of jail.
Mm, lofty ambition.
I don't know.
I I want a job that I like the right guy, a couple kids.
Two out of three would be all right.
You know what that makes you? No, ma'am.
Just like the rest of us.
COATES: Colonel MacKenzie told me how much you love your old Thunderbird.
RABB: Corvette.
It's a 1968 Mako Shark.
Fiberglass body, rally red.
That fits you, sir.
How'd you end up with the Lexus? Guy named Gemmill stuck me with it.
Oh, no, not again.
This has happened before? Yeah.
29 months and seven days ago.
Next time buy a Subaru.
Sorry.
This is unbelievable.
( keypad beeping ) I Hi.
This is Navy Commander Harmom Rabb.
I'm with the JAG Corps.
I need to report a stolen car.
Sir, you know it's the day before Christmas.
Yes, I'm aware it's the day before Christmas.
All right, hang on.
Thanks.
Sir, you'll have to come in to the station to make the report.
So? So, who would do something like this? Sir I mean, what kind of a low-life scum goes around stealing other people's stuff? I'm sorry.
I-I didn't mean you.
Yeah, you did.
Look, sir, some people steal because they want what other people have.
Some for the thrill some just for the attention.
Is that your story? You want to know the truth? ( cell phone rings ) Rabb.
Happy holidays.
( explosion, glass rattling ) RABB: What the hell was that? I gave my nephew a chemistry set for Christmas.
He opened his Christmas present early? That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Rabb.
Well, if you're wondering what you can get me for Christmas, you can get me a new car.
( multiple explosions ) Where the hell are you anyway? Kabul? ( glass clattering ) RABB: Webb?! Hello? ( static hissing ) Let's get out of here.
Where are we going, sir? I got to see the authorities.
You're taking me to the brig? I have to go to the 7th Precinct.
They need me to report this in person.
( sighs ) They drag me out of retirement this time every year.
Make yourself comfortable.
Sir.
This will be Dad's That's right.
Let me have your things, Dad.
There you go.
First one was during the Korean War.
Sasebo, Japan.
A company of marines who had just returned from Heartbreak Ridge.
Headed straight for the brothels.
Well, the only way to get those marines in the chapel was to hire the ladies of the night to sing in the choir.
You ever hear "Silent Night" in Japanese, Admiral? ( chuckling ): No.
I've heard it in Vietnamese by French nuns in Can Tho.
We climbed our way out of the Delta, made it to an old French plantation for services under the stars.
Most of us never thought we'd make it back home for Christmas again, but a navy chaplain lifted us out of the mud and despair.
"In a time of great hardship, "a star appeared, brighter than the rest "giving us hope that God is with us, "that no matter the depth of the darkness, God's love shines in the night.
" That was you.
Sir, those, uh those words gave us great comfort.
They still do.
Thank you.
That's, uh, good to hear.
( knocking on door ) Excuse me, Admiral.
The clerk of District Court in New York just called, sir.
There's to be a hearing by telephone on the restraining order at 1900.
Thank you, Tiner.
Aye, sir.
What kind of case needs to be heard on Christmas Eve, sir? Reindeer rustling.
At Keflavik? We saw that on TV.
Seabees are fixing the perimeter fencing around the runway, but until then, the navy is keeping the reindeer corralled.
Chaplain at Keflavik's an old friend.
Maybe he can help.
I've got a federal judge breathing down my neck.
It may take more than just prayer.
Oh, that's a beautiful bracelet.
A Christmas gift.
One-of-a-kind.
( whistles ) What'd you have to do to earn that, Lieutenant? I'm sure it was given with love, Master Chief.
Mm-hmm-hmm.
I thought so, too, Colonel, until I went to the jeweler to have it appraised for the insurance.
They're not real? Oh, they're real.
But the jeweler called me "Patty.
" Turns out Kevin sent the same one-of-kind bracelet to a Patty Sachs, and on cross-examination, he admitted he sent an identical one to a Wendy Pearson.
A serial Santa.
A serial jerk.
( knocking on door ) SIMS: Commander! Merry Christmas.
Oh, Merry Christmas.
Come on in.
Thank you.
Hi.
Lieutenant Sims, this is Petty Officer Coates.
It's Jennifer, ma'am.
Very nice to meet you, Jennifer.
This is for Baby A.
J.
Thank you.
Welcome.
Come in.
Make yourself at home.
Thanks.
Lieutenant Roberts, Petty Officer Coates.
Hi.
Lieutenant.
Master Chief Roberts, retired.
Master Chief.
Call me Big Bud, honey.
( cell phone rings ) Excuse me.
Rabb.
Rabb! Let's try this again! ( helicopter blades whirring ) RABB: Webb? Where the hell are you? That's classified.
I've got news.
What? Webb? Rabb, can you hear me? Can you hear me? ( line goes dead ) MacKENZIE: Hey, Harm.
Hey.
How are you? Good.
You? I'm, uh, a little beleaguered, but I'm okay.
Is Sturgis here? He's with his father getting ready for tonight's service.
SINGER: Commander, what is your prisoner doing here? ( chuckles ) Don't ask.
Just where did she spend last night? With me.
Really? What about tonight? I need a beverage.
Excuse me.
MacKENZIE: Okay.
ROBERTS: Here you go, sir.
Aw, thank you.
Place looks great, Bud.
Sir, thank you so much.
A.
J.
loves this little car.
( chuckles ) Well, I hope nobody steals yours.
Any news on your Vette, sir? Not yet.
Did you know that Colombian drug dealers love to collect classic American cars? Just like you'd special-order from a dealer, they just call up a car-theft ring and say, "Get me a '68 Corvette with four-on-the-floor, preferably red.
" Hmm.
I'll just bet your Vette's on board a freighter bound for Barranquilla right now.
( laughing ) So, you're really a prisoner? Yes.
What do you usually do on Christmas Eve? Well, when I was a kid, I'd sing in the choir, listen to my father preach and commit random acts of violence.
Really? Yeah, my old man used to get drunk and sing dirty Christmas carols.
Well, mine gave sermons that threatened damnation for jaywalking.
So, I'm guessing you and your dad didn't get along too well, huh? No.
The Right Reverend Conrad Coates loves the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
That doesn't leave much room for anyone else.
Yeah, my dad's a jerk.
But, you know, I love him.
How does that work? He's the only dad I've got.
RABB: I'm sure you know, Master Chief, what an appointment to the academy would mean for Mikey.
Yeah, it'd mean he can push enlisted men around for the next 30 years.
He's going to have a lot of work ahead of him.
He'll need your encouragement.
And I need a drink.
Hey, Pop.
( indistinct conversations ) You have a great family.
Yeah.
We're a regular Brady Bunch.
It's easy to forget there's such a thing as everyday happiness.
What made you suddenly remember? I don't know.
Meeting all of you.
Humph.
Hey, news flash.
Life ain't no Jimmy Stewart movie.
( Baby A.
J.
giggling ) ( sighs ) You know what gets me? ( puts bottle down ) I can't help my sons.
I can only hurt them.
It's always been that way for us.
Your sons love you.
How the hell do you know that? One of them just told me.
Was he drinking? RABB: Yeah, I can be there in, uh Thank you.
Mac, they found it.
Look, can you look after the petty officer? I'll be back.
Ah, okay.
Admiral.
Commander.
Good evening, sir.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Tiner.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, sir.
Excuse me.
Officer.
I'm Commander Rabb.
How you doing, Commander? Sorry.
( indistinct radio tranmissions ) It's an automatic.
So? So, I have a four-speed stick.
( chuckles ) This isn't my car.
Well, some poor bastard's not having a Merry Christmas.
( chuckles ) In a startling development from the frozen North, the reindeer incarcerated by the U.
S.
Navy have been granted a work release.
They'll be permitted to spend one night under the supervision of Santa Claus or his alter ego, Commander Saul Ruttenberg, a navy chaplain.
Rabbi Ruttenberg, any message for the children of the world? Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah! And a Happy Hanukkah to you, too, Rabbi.
Merry Christmas, Admiral.
It is, now.
I think Chaplain Turner has a direct line to heaven.
SINGER: Damn it, my bracelet's gone.
I took it off in the bathroom and she went in there.
I didn't steal your bracelet.
That's what you do, isn't it? CHEGWIDDEN: Lieutenant.
Loren, I'm sure it's around here somewhere.
Why don't we all look for it, okay? I'll go look in the kitchen.
Okay? SINGER: I just took it off to wash my hands.
It was by the basin.
I've already looked.
It's not there.
No sign of the bracelet, sir.
Any luck out here? None.
Where's Petty Officer Coates? I thought she was with you.
Admiral.
She left.
COATES: Follow the lady wherever she goes.
She's here, she's there, she's everywhere.
Where is she now? That one.
Sorry.
You're cheating.
You're an idiot! Merry Christmas.
( sighs ) Thanks.
How did you find me? Well, I, uh I got a call from the admiral, reading me the riot act, so I stopped by your friend Tiny's house and he told me you hang out here sometimes.
I didn't steal that witch's bracelet.
That's Lieutenant Witch to you.
Whatever.
Do you believe me, sir? Why'd you run? Force of habit.
You know, Jen, a lot of people have turned their lives around in the military.
Respectfully, spare me the lecture.
I really don't belong in the navy.
I just want to get back to my life.
What? Standing on the corner begging for small change? Why does any of this matter to you, sir? It's Christmastime.
Why didn't you just leave me with my father? Is that what you wanted? No.
I spent a lifetime trying to get away from him.
Jen, whatever you're doing, it's not working.
Look, no one wants me, Commander.
That's not true.
Look at you, sir! Passing me from hand to hand.
You've done everything you can to get rid of me.
Well, that was wrong of me, I'm sorry.
What will Lieutenant Singer do, sir? Well, when she retracts her claws from the ceiling, she'll probably add grand theft to your list of sins.
Don't worry about it, Jen.
We'll get through this.
I'll stay with you every step of the way.
( sniffling ) You be a good boy, okay, sweetheart? Tiner, thank you very much for babysitting.
Glad to, ma'am.
We'll be fine.
Okay.
Everybody, let's get going.
Uh-oh! Hey, Lieutenant, this is your lucky night.
( forced laughter ) Do you want to keep your pension? Commander.
Sir.
Petty Officer.
See you at the church.
RABB: Aye, sir.
SIMS: Commander, is everything all right? Absolutely.
The petty officer just needed a long walk to clear her head.
Any luck with the car, sir? False alarm.
Lieutenant Singer, about the bracelet Sir um, A.
J.
took it out of the bathroom.
We found it behind the dresser, sir.
I was wrong about you.
You were quick to judge, ma'am.
And you were quick to run.
Yes, ma'am.
So where does that leave us? Let's forget about the bracelet and the walk around the block.
But I'm not going to dismiss the U.
A.
charge or the resisting.
That would be too much to hope for, ma'am.
SIMS: Okay, you guys, let's not be late.
Well, Petty Officer Hey.
You made it.
Yeah.
Oh, here, let me.
Oh, thanks.
Great.
There.
Thanks.
Sure.
Uh-oh, awkward moment #310.
( laughs softly ) CHOIR: Holy infant so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace Sleep in heavenly peace.
When God revealed himself to us, he did so through a family.
Which is why I speak to you tonight of Joseph, the forgotten man of the Christmas story.
We know much about Mary and, of course, the Christ child, but the Bible makes few references into the life of Joseph.
Therefore, he remains somewhat of a mystery, much as many of our own fathers do.
But we do know that Joseph was a gentle father and a courageous man.
He saved his family from Herod by taking them on the dangerous journey to Egypt, taught his son his own trade, as fathers do even today.
Joseph died before Jesus grew up to become a man and begin his ministry.
Yet Joseph still believed.
"Blessed are those who believe "that He will bind up the brokenhearted and free the captives.
" At his best, a father is the solid foundation of a house, his support taken for granted.
At other times he may need shoring up himself.
He may be tired, he may be impatient, he may be mired in his own problems.
But always, the father looks beyond the here and now.
He keeps one eye trained on the next generation.
So, out of necessity, he is a man filled with hope-- hope that a knowing God watches over the universe; hope that justice will prevail; hope that we will be reunited with our loved ones.
As Saint Paul said, "Abide by these three: faith, hope and love.
The greatest of these is love.
" So, when we give thanks to the Father for our blessings, let us not forget Joseph, or our own fathers, that they not be forgotten this Christmas.
May God bless you and Merry Christmas.
CHOIR: Joy to the world The Lord is come Let earth recieve her king Chaplain, you did it again.
Thank you, Admiral.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, sir.
Uh, excuse me.
You will be getting formal notice next week, Petty Officer, but, uh, I think I can say it now.
Merry Christmas, Midshipman Roberts.
Thank you, sir! And, uh, Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
And good luck.
Hey, congratulations, Mikey! Congratulations.
Thanks, Bud.
You'll make a fine officer, Mikey.
How can you know that, Pop? I spent a lifetime around officers.
And you hated them all.
Yeah, well, maybe I didn't know them as good as I know you.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Pop.
Commander Lindsey, I'm Loren Singer.
Oh, very nice to meet you.
It must be fascinating working for the SECNAV.
( vehicle approaching ) Harm You might want to see this.
Excuse me, sir.
You found my car? TURNER: Found it? No.
You stole it?! What are you talking about? Took it for a little spin.
To get the new top.
Sturgis What? You are all right.
( chuckling ) Merry Christmas, buddy.
Merry Christmas to you.
Harm, I don't think we'll all fit.
( laughs ) Well, I'll come by tomorrow and take everyone for a ride.
You all right? Yeah, I'll be fine.
Colonel MacKenzie's offered to let me stay with her.
I know.
We'll discuss your case tomorrow.
On Christmas Day? Well, I have to come by and give everybody a ride, right? And I still have a present under your tree.
COATES: About your argument, sir, defective enlistment, is true, the judge made me enlist, but I can stay in if I want, right? What made you change your mind? You.
Can they throw me in the brig for that? Yes.
It was worth it.
It's that time.
Tell him "Merry Christmas" for me.
( sighs ) "To Harmon Rabb Sr.
The father I never knew.
" Now we're all here.
Sergei? Hello, my brother.
How did you get here? Well, I have a friend in Argun who has a friend in Grozny.
Webb.
You traded favors.
That's what I was trying to call you about.
I traded two boxcars of wheat for Sergeant Zhukov.
We've been on the road for 18 hours.
Merry Christmas, Harm.
Merry Christmas, Clay.
Good night.
Uh, Mr.
Webb You're welcome.
My brother.