Shameless US s07e11 Episode Script
Happily Ever After
1 My life is falling apart and now we gotta take out valuable story time to tell you what you missed last week? Get your damn shit together.
I'm dying.
I don't have anything solid to leave the kids.
Wouldn't it be great to be outlaws together again? Time to turn over the betting money.
You want to buy Wendell's? My family works there.
People in the neighborhood depend on it.
I will give you 160,000, which is double what you paid for that lease.
(FIONA) I sold out Etta and I'm putting her in assisted living against her wishes.
Deed, business license, liquor license, bill of sale.
She told us we were signing adoption forms.
I am new owner of Alibi.
You been drinking? I'm a human fucking being with issues and I don't need another one.
Get out, please.
And get help.
Coming in, buddy? Fuck you! Look, I'm getting some new IDs, some cash, and heading to Mexico.
You should come.
This good-bye? Let's ride.
(ROCK MUSIC) Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? (HIP-HOP MUSIC) That changed hip-hop forever You remember (SINGING IN SPANISH) The fuck you looking at? Still haven't told me your plan.
I'm thinking a little bit of nipple pinching - and some ass eating.
- Seriously.
All right.
Hey, go straight to fucking.
That's fine.
You're a fugitive, all right? You can't just stroll across the Mexican border.
I told you, I got it covered.
Even learned me some Spanish.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) What the fuck does that mean? "Say that again, I'll shove your dick down your throat.
" You have any money? We'll get some.
Shit.
(CHUCKLES) So, you ever been to the beach? No.
Sun all year round.
No more freezing our asses off.
Just sandals and tequila from here on, man.
It's what kept me going in the joint.
The beach.
Us.
Bet your white ass burns like a motherfucker.
(COUGHING) - You wanna hit this? - Yeah, pass that shit.
(COUGHING) Don't fucking drop that shit.
Something else I want to hit.
Yo, go take a leak.
- Don't need to.
- Go do yoga.
Sing fucking Taylor Swift.
I don't give a shit.
Get out of the fucking car.
Go! (HIP-HOP MUSIC) Whoo! Need y'all to take y'all rags out man T.
I.
And let it swang Swang, swang Come here.
All right, okay, okay I don't dance no way I just take my Louis rag out And wave it round in the air I take my Gucci rag out And wave it round in the air Hey, I bottom now, too, if you want to switch things up.
I wanted to fuck a guy in the ass, I would have stayed in prison.
Get the lube, bitch.
(SNORING) (UPBEAT MUSIC) - What? - Do you remember anything - about last night? - No.
Me neither.
Looks like it was a fun one.
- What? - Come here.
I fucking love you.
How much do we have left? Let's get out of here before they stick us with the bill.
- Where's my pants? - I don't know.
Yeah.
Am I gonna have to hire a new dishwasher? 'Cause if I catch you drinking on the job again You want to breathalyze me? What's that for? I sold the laundromat.
Shit, already? How much you lose? I didn't.
Can you believe it? Once I pay off the mortgage and pay Etta back for the improvements, I'll have 75 grand.
God, I know I should take it to the bank, but fuck, I can't stop staring at it.
I didn't think I'd make this much money in my life.
Yeah, you better, uh, cash that before it bounces.
Hey, do you know anything about, uh, mutual funds or IRAs? Figure I should be smart with the money after I blow a little on something fun.
Can you pretend to be happy for me? Oh, no, I gotta go.
You know, those of us in the underclass, we have shit to do.
Hey, man.
Hey, can you believe Fiona fucking sold the laundromat? I can barely hear you.
I'm on the rig.
I'm, uh, I'm working a double.
All right, well, uh, I'll see you later tonight then? Well, I'm, uh, I'm actually sleeping at the station.
Okay.
Take care.
Hey, I'm getting pork rinds and a 40.
You want anything? Uh, coffee and a Kind bar.
Ugh.
Fucking pussy.
(GUNSHOT) Fuck! - Go, go, go, go, go! - Shit.
Drive the car! Drive the car! Drive the car! You beaner motherfucker? (GUNFIRE) Shit! (GUNFIRE) - Damon, you fucking dumb fuck! - Come on, what the fuck? You said you were getting food! I was till shit for brains here pulled his Glock out.
I thought when you said we was getting gas we was going to rob the fucking place.
I meant we were fucking getting gas! (COUGHS) - Whoa.
Wake and bake? - Saging.
I read it'll help get that backstabbing cunt's bad juju out of our house.
Is that what you're wearing? It's a machine parts company.
You don't wear loafers operating a drill press.
You're applying for a job.
You want to make a good impression.
Not just any job.
A man's job.
I let Svetlana Don't you even think of saying her name.
- You know what to call her.
- I'm sorry.
I let that backstabbing cunt take my balls.
Well, my nanny days are over.
I'm gonna support this family and I'm gonna get my balls back.
Here, take a look at this.
Kev, you misspelled "résumé" on your résumé.
What about the rest of it? What rest of it? There's only one line.
Well, I only had one job.
And I've never written one of these before.
You gotta beef it up.
Sometimes people write their goals.
You want me to tell them I want to make as much money doing as little work as possible? We got enough to last us for a while.
Hey, did any bartending gigs come up on the alert thingie on your phone? Yeah, but only at fancy places.
You gotta be a certified mixologist.
Remember all a bartender had to do was pour a shot and tap a keg? Now you can't even work behind a bar without knowing how to make a Campari-fennel aperitif.
Yeah, who puts fennel in their drink? - What is fennel? - You got me.
Lip? Lip? Hey, Jesus! You said you had the drinking under control.
Hey, I'm in the fucking shower! I don't fucking care, Lip! Mrs.
Joseph said she saw you on the El train so fucked up that you couldn't even walk.
I went to a meeting.
- Don't fucking lie to me, Lip.
- I'm not.
I-I hate AA.
I think it's fucking stupid, but I went.
Are you gonna go back? If I say yes, will you let me finish cleaning my junk? Thank you.
You know, I'm getting pretty tired of everybody telling me what to do all the time.
Get your shit together we won't have to.
So, uh, Fiona sold the laundromat.
Mean you're out of a job? Think I want to fold laundry for the rest of my life? I signed up for junior college.
Oh, yeah? Studying what? Malcolm X has a pretty good welding program.
- Welding? - Yeah.
What, so you you want to be a welder? I can apprentice with someone while I'm still in school.
Get certified in under two years, and make up to 20 bucks an hour to start.
- When's your next meeting? - 20 minutes.
You know, maybe if you left I could get dressed so I wouldn't be late.
- Welding, huh? - Yeah.
Flux core, metal arc, gas arc, tungsten, mig, tig.
Welding.
It's gonna be a Jamba Juice.
Cool, huh? Yeah, it's really awesome watching you guys tear apart everything I built.
Too late for second thoughts.
I just came from the bank.
I deposited the check.
Although I took a picture of it first so I can put it on my wall.
Feel good paying off the mortgage? I didn't think you guys were gonna tear the place apart so soon.
We're hosting happy hour.
Workers start the remodel tomorrow.
- Happy hour? - Mm.
South Side Young Professionals.
(ETTA) Get your hands off my washer! - (GROANS) - Thief! Guessing you didn't tell her yet.
No, I did.
A couple of times.
She's got no short-term memory.
(MAN) Lady, stop, please.
I gotta work.
It's not easy ripping someone from their home of 50 years.
You get used to it.
(MAN) Come on.
Come on.
- You silly ass.
- Jesus, lady! Okay, Etta, Etta, calm down.
Call the police.
They're taking everything.
I know, I know.
Come on, let's sit down.
What the hell's going on? We talked about this yesterday and last night.
We have to leave.
Why? 'Cause there's asbestos in the walls.
And the city found out and they want to shut us down.
That fucking Mayor Daley.
First he hands the White House to that goddamn Catholic, and now this crap.
We gotta get you out of your apartment.
Just for a few days.
You can come home with me.
(GASPS) I can stay with you, Sandy? Yep.
I got a room all ready for you.
- Oh! I'll go pack.
- Okay.
Oh! Oh, we'll have fun.
We can go out on the town and let the boys feel us up on the dance floor.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
Motel orgy loot.
Frank, give Debbie a wallet.
Or better yet, give her a ring.
For their wedding.
I'm buying her ring.
Aww, that is so romantic.
I lost mine years ago.
You sold it for crack.
Let's see how this one looks on you, my love.
I think it's a real diamond.
Wow.
I wonder how much Raoul's gonna give us for it.
We can't sell this.
Why not? It's the best of the bunch.
No.
It fits like a glass slipper.
That should never leave your finger.
- Monica Jean Darrgen - Yeah? Will you marry me? But what about getting money for the kids? Let's give the kids something more valuable than money.
An example of real love.
And then we'll go back to work tomorrow? Sure.
Today we proclaim how we feel before God and the whole world.
Pretty sure the whole world doesn't care.
Pretty sure God doesn't either.
Will you make me the happiest man in the world? - Um - Come on.
- Yes.
- (BOTH LAUGHING) Yes, yes, yes.
We need new wheels in case anyone made us back there.
Huh, sounds about right.
All right, green one.
Oh, hell no.
Look at this Camaro.
Dumb ass, the window on the green one is down.
There's no alarm.
But it's so beautiful.
Da Damon, you're on lookout.
Come on.
(GRUNTING) Come on, hurry up.
I'm a little out of practice.
No, you got it.
It's the other Do I tell you how to do EMT shit? - I just - Leave the goddamn stealing - to the experts.
Fuck.
- Okay.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS) Let's go.
Hope Damon knows how to hitchhike.
We're ditching him? Mouth-breather's gonna get us arrested or killed.
- Better it's just us.
- Oh, sh Adios, motherfucker.
Mickey! What the fuck? Bitch, go my own way.
I thought to myself, "What are you doing, Robin? "You have a 4.
0 GPA.
You were, like, president of your high school class.
" I called my mom and dad even though it was 2:00 a.
m.
They were like, "We love you.
" I haven't had a drink in seven months.
(APPLAUSE) I was just elected rush chair of my sorority and (EXHALES SHARPLY) Hey, you got a square? - Yeah.
- Thanks.
Appreciate it.
She still at it? Yeah.
I swear, if I have to listen to that same bullshit story one more time, I can't be held responsible for my actions.
Yeah, listening to that shit makes me want to drink more, not less.
You're new, right? Yeah, it's my second meeting.
We should grab some coffee.
Swap some real drinking stories.
Look, you're hitting on me or trying to get me to buy into this crap.
Either way, I'm not fucking into it.
You don't think I'm attractive? Look, uh, I'm not doing any steps, all right? Not making any fucking amends.
You think I'm being altruistic? I'm doing it for me, man.
I still need this shit to stay sober.
I got work.
Come on.
We can meet up after.
Just two drunks swapping war stories.
Whatever crazy shit you did, I bet I can top it.
Hi, is the job still open? Hi.
Yeah.
Here's an application.
Spanish okay? I was gonna have a tough enough time in English.
Let's see.
You know what? I can't find any in English.
I haven't been asked for one of those in a while.
Why don't I translate? I'll write in your answers for you.
Sounds good.
Your writing's probably nicer than mine anyways.
Okay, name.
How do you say "ball" in Spanish? Pelota.
I'm Kevin Pelota.
Kevin Pelota.
How long have you been operating a CNC machine? Was that English? Do you know how to program a CNC machine? Piece of cake.
Are you lying? No.
I want a man's job, where you pull up your sleeves and get your hands dirty.
Get in your time machine.
Those jobs don't exist anymore.
Everything's computerized now.
Oh, computers.
What is so special about computers anyway? I mean, sure, they seem awesome.
They help you rip off movies.
But what happens when they become self-aware, huh? Huh? (MACHINES HUMMING) (DANCE MUSIC) So how's this guy gonna sneak us in to Mexico? Fuck if I know.
Piñata? (INDISTINCT CHATTER) These are pretty good beans, man.
Guess they don't call 'em beaners for nothing, huh? Which one of them's your guy? You sure we should be barging in Hey, which one of you guys is Jesús? I'm Jesus.
Oh.
Never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I finally found Jesus.
- Hey.
- Dishes are piling up.
What? Shit, Lip again? (EXHALES SHARPLY) Not his fault.
Your parents are in the kitchen.
What? - Hey.
- I'm trying to talk to you.
- Lip, come on.
- Get out of my kitchen.
- Yeah, my sentiments exactly.
- There's my firstborn.
We want you to be our maid of honor.
What? What are you talking about? - Oh, you're gonna love this.
- Show her.
You stole a ring.
So what? How we acquired it is beside the point.
- We're getting married.
- You're already married.
- Only legally.
- Yeah.
We're we're recommitting our hearts to each other.
Yeah, you need to find them first.
Hey, this is important.
Honor your father and mother.
He's working.
We're renewing our vows this afternoon.
Which vows? The ones where you put yourselves before everyone first? Or the ones where you don't take responsibility for your actions? Hey, all I had to do was pull out and you never would have been born.
You were too high to pull out.
Debbie's coming.
And Liam.
And I texted Ian, but I haven't heard back.
- Oh, we gotta call Carl.
- Yes, Carl! Carl's in military school.
You ever hear of a plane? Out of curiosity, who's officiating this bullshit ceremony? We don't need middlemen.
This is between God and us.
Well, that's a good thing because no priest will come near you after what happened at your first wedding.
Oh, yeah, didn't you puke on Father McDougal? - Mm-hmm.
- You weren't even there.
I was there for the second one.
Oh, Christ.
The naked wedding.
That was beautiful.
If you're a pedophile.
Why do you two keep harping on the past? This is why your lives are so messed up.
Oh, yeah, that's the reason.
You deserved a better mother.
You needed me.
I wasn't there.
I'm asking for a fresh start.
A new beginning.
For the family.
Please come.
You're not gonna go, are you? Fuck, no.
Carlos gave me your name.
Which Carlos? I know 30 of them.
Cook County Correctional.
So that narrows it down to four.
- We need a coyote.
- For what? To sneak us across the border.
You're already across the border.
No, the, uh, other side.
You want me to sneak you into Mexico? Yeah.
I want you to do whatever you do backwards.
Ora, you're that vato from the news.
The one that made the prison chick fall for you.
What the fuck she ever see in you, ese? I could pull it out, but I don't want to scare all the kids.
Dad.
It's time for me to dance with my little girl.
That's it? I get caught with a fugitive, that's federal time.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what am I supposed to do? It's not my problem, homie.
You're on your fucking own.
The fuck you say to me? Come on, come on, come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Hey, baby.
I'm just making some lunch.
How'd it go? This is a land of pussy-men now.
Unless you have a computer, you don't stand a chance.
And when did not finishing high school mean you can't feed your family? Oh, don't worry about it.
I'll get a job.
I'll work for my mom at the salon.
- But what about my balls? - What about feeding our girls? You said we were okay.
For a little while.
I'll work at your mom's then.
- Doing hair? - How hard can it be? - (PHONE CHIMES) - A new listing.
Cornrows, weaves.
Black women love me.
A job tending bar.
I'll text you the address.
You can be the first one there.
Nothing is getting in my way this time.
- Go get 'em, baby.
I love you.
- I love you.
(CHUCKLES) Jesus! How long you been standing there? I brought my cats.
You can bring two of them.
I-I'll get my stool.
- (CATS MEOWING) - Hey, what's all that? Ugh, Etta's.
I'm bringing her to stay at the house till a room opens up at assisted living.
- You want a hand? - Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I'll do it.
You believe Frank and Monica? Never a dull moment when the shitshow's in town.
- You got that? - Yeah.
Yeah.
I'd carry this stuff home for you, but my shift's not over.
That's all right.
I don't need help.
(CAR BEEPS) You bought a car? Yeah.
Only 425 a month.
You like it? (DANCE MUSIC) (RAPPING) I'm here about the bartending job.
Are you gay? Do you want me to be gay? If you're gonna work here.
Yeah, I'm gay.
(CHUCKLES) What? I love cock.
Big cock, small cock, curved cock that looks like a banana.
(LAUGHING) You're a shitty liar.
- I'm a kickass bartender.
- No.
I've been doing it, like, 15 years.
- No.
- I need the job to feed my kids.
Here, look look at this picture of them.
Oh, cute.
No.
So now if I speak English and like vagina, I can't get a job.
That's discrimination.
- Oh, give me a break.
- You can't deny me an opportunity because of my sexual orientation.
Who I choose to sleep with in the privacy of my own home - is none of your damn business.
- All right.
One night.
We'll see how you do.
Go get changed.
Oh, I think that's the last of it.
This isn't your apartment, Sandy.
Well, I, uh, I moved.
Why? This place is a shithole.
Who's the Negro? Uh, this is Liam.
(WHISPERING) And they're not called that anymore.
- Debs! - Kitchen.
Oh, thanks for watching Etta for a couple of hours.
Yeah, I'm here anyways for Frank and Monica.
Can't believe you came for that.
It's for Franny.
They're her grandparents.
Oh! (CHUCKLES) Oh, this is a beaut, Sandy.
Here you go.
You remember Debbie, right? - Hi.
- She'll be here in case you need anything.
So chances are she'll just sit there for hours, but you never know.
Okay, I gotta get back to work.
Look what we found.
Yeah.
(GASPS) Fiona, I knew you'd come.
Actually I'm here to get Etta set up.
- You're gonna wear that? - Yeah.
It was hers before it was yours.
Oh, knock yourself out.
There's no chance I'm wearing that again.
Wait, Fiona, stay.
Please.
Thanks, but, uh, no.
Bye.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Just got done with my shift.
- Hey.
- What can I get you guys? - Just a coffee.
- For your friend? Is the cherry pie good? Well, okay.
We'll try that.
And a piece of coconut pie.
And a and a and a slice of cheesecake.
And the bread pudding.
It's for the table.
You pregnant? You get sugar cravings, right? Being fat's better than drunk.
So, let's hear if your drinking stories are as good as a Tri Delt's.
I don't know.
I had a bad breakup last year.
Uh, took a crowbar to a professor's car.
And took on a couple of campus cops.
- How'd that go? - Not well.
(CHUCKLES) Is that the best you got? I pissed on a sorority mom.
Hey.
Was she into it? - No, definitely not.
- Oh.
Darn.
I woke up in the hospital once.
Only once? (CHUCKLES) Yeah, the third time I did that, I ruptured my spleen.
Almost died.
Don't know how it happened to this day.
So that was your rock bottom? Oh, fuck no.
No, no.
No, it was a combo of, uh, booze and angel dust.
Got all paranoid.
I thought my girlfriend called the cops on me.
Locked her in our apartment, put a gun to her head, pulled the trigger.
I mean, the chamber was empty, thank God.
I didn't know that, but, uh, yeah.
I woulda I woulda fucking killed her.
Yeah, you win.
So when did you have your first drink? - Fourth grade.
- First time you puked? Fourth grade.
Uh, my parents, they, um, they encouraged it.
(LAUGHING) Is that a joke? No.
I mean, everyone I knew drank.
You know, it was, uh, in our house, friends' houses, school, everywhere.
You know, it's just what the neighborhood's like.
Well, there's a reason people like it, you know.
Feels good.
Feels good waking up in a hospital? No.
Drinking, it, uh, you know, it turns the volume down.
You know, makes the world more tolerable.
Sounds like drinking might not be your only problem.
Holy shit, you're right.
You know, I never thought of that.
(CHUCKLES) - Okay.
- Hey, all right.
Oh, shit.
Thanks.
Enjoy.
Well, dig in, brother.
Uh.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Fiona.
- Wow.
You just gutted the place.
Eh, nothing worth keeping.
Uh, no offense.
Uh, Ryan, Fiona.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
She used to own this space.
Flipped it.
100% profit in under three months.
You're shitting me.
He's not shitting you.
It was beginner's luck.
She likes to play it off like she didn't know what she was doing.
This one, shrewd as hell.
Well, a networking event so, uh, I should go network.
Yeah.
You know, Chad bought a couple of single-family houses over on Wallace.
Now he thinks he's Herb Allen.
(CHUCKLES) I didn't know that Chad invested on his own.
Yeah, when he doesn't have his lips pressed firmly up against Margo's ass.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I used to have Chad's job.
That was four years of taking Margo's shit.
It was a better education than Wharton.
Am I supposed to know what Wharton is? Okay, all right.
Where did you go to school? - Nowhere you've ever heard of.
- Try me.
Ridgedale High.
I went to Tilden.
You're South Side? Yeah, born and bred.
My dad used to work construction.
He let me tag along in the summers.
I got the building bug.
And that's actually the name of my company, - Building Bug.
- It's cute.
Thank you.
Yours? Oh, I-I don't have a company.
It was a one time thing.
So did you get inside information on this place? Like rezoning or something you knew would jack up the value? Just right place, right time, you know? What's taking her so long? Maybe you didn't notice, but Fiona and Monica aren't exactly the same size.
I had to improvise.
You look as beautiful as the first time you wore that.
Oh, Frank.
Thanks.
I wrote my vows down.
My handsome Frank.
You're my best friend and the best fuck I ever had.
Today I commit to a new beginning together.
To leaving the past in the past.
I forgive you for everything you've done.
For stealing my dad's car and driving it into Lake Michigan.
For not telling me when you cut that batch of coke with just a touch of Drano.
I forgive you for promising me to that drug dealer in exchange for crystal meth.
I forgive you for dragging me three blocks with the car.
Okay, sweetheart, that was an accident.
No, it wasn't, my love.
How was I supposed to know that your dress was caught in the door? Because I was screaming! The radio was blaring Layla, remember? No, you were getting back at me for throwing you in front of the El.
If I hadn't climbed off the tracks, you would've killed me.
Yes, and it serves you right for fucking that slut with the cauliflower ears! I was not fucking her! - Yes, you did! - No, I didn't.
Don't fucking lie to me, Frank! It was a blowjob.
Oh! Frank! (BOTH GRUNTING) (BOTH YELLING) Yeah.
Thanks for the sugar shock.
Yeah, no problem.
See you around.
Hey, what, that's it? What? No nuggets of wisdom? Have you tried knitting? What, knitting? Yeah.
Helped me to have a distraction.
You know, when you stop drinking, all of a sudden you got all this free time on your hands.
I tried whittling, but I kept cutting the shit out of myself.
Oh, so that's your key to staying sober? Fucking knitting? (CHUCKLES) Well, I ain't fucking Yoda.
I mean, the only key to staying sober is not drinking.
Knitting and sugar helped me stay sane.
That and meetings, so for what it's worth, you did the first step.
That's what this was? I knew it.
Look, man, do the steps, don't do the steps.
I really don't give a shit.
I ain't your fucking babysitter.
You really want to stop drinking? I mean, do you really want to? Yes.
Then I hope I see you at the next meeting.
See ya.
You live here? (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) Sorry if it's chilly.
The heating's a little spotty.
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) I bought the building in foreclosure.
I moved in so I could oversee the remodel, but but I never got it started.
(CHUCKLES) (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) Yo, you can start on service.
- I got this.
- Whoo! Anybody order a hot piece of ass? Feast your eyes, boys.
You can look, but you can't touch.
Except you.
You can touch.
Go on and give it a little slap.
- Yeah.
- Ooh, yeah.
Looks like the drinks aren't the only things - that are stiff around here.
- (ALL CHEERING) My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
- Oh, yeah! - (ALL CHEERING) Let the champagne spill (ALL CHEERING) Let the champagne spill Still have to figure out a way to get across the border.
Could try swimming over.
Never learned how.
Seriously? Huh.
Or we could try driving.
They probably have my picture posted all over the border crossing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gonna need to get some real money, man.
Fuck.
All right.
That bar we passed back there.
- Are you fucking nuts? - What? This is Texas.
Everybody here is packing.
You got a better idea how to get cash? Yeah.
The bank.
Oh, check it out.
Ian Gallagher putting his big boy pants on.
- Oh, Monica, open the door.
- (MONICA) Go away.
You already forgave me for everything else.
What's one more? Is it broken? No.
You didn't hear my vows yet.
I stand here today because my life is infinitely better with you, than without.
You remember the vows from our first wedding? I vow to love who you are and who you become.
I vow to build a family and to create a loving home with you filled with laughter and joy.
I vow to be by your side no matter what comes our way.
Frank and Monica, always.
Like a fairy tale.
Happily ever after.
Be gentle with me.
I'm a virgin.
(LAUGHTER) What are you gonna do with the place? What, the building? Uh-huh.
Why? Never mind.
Why? Well, it's a tiny two-bedroom, but you could easily make it a big one.
There's lots of couples without kids that are moving to the South Side.
Is this wall load-bearing? - Uh, no.
- You could just rip it out.
You could really open up this space a lot.
Let some light in.
Do you want it? - Want what? - The building.
Look, I own two commercial properties.
I would like to get this one off my hands.
I never should have bought it.
Are are you serious? (CHUCKLES) Hearing you talk about renovating this place was was the most excited that I have seen you - That's definitely not true.
- And that includes the time - that we were having sex.
- Shut up.
You were great.
Just don't don't just don't change the subject, okay? - What's the catch? - There is no catch.
Look, I'm not giving it to you for free, okay? It would just it would save me the hassle of putting the property back on the market.
I would never do anything without full inspections.
Absolutely.
Plumbing, electrical, roof, the works.
Yeah, of course.
Can you do 350? (EXHALES DEEPLY) Yeah, I could probably get a loan for that much.
- Good.
- But the building's not worth more than 250.
Put the mask away.
You're already on camera.
Fuck.
All right, look, you cover rent-a-cop.
I'll go get the money.
I'll handle the teller.
All right, we do this my way.
No guns.
All right, Dillinger, let's see what you got.
Hey, tell her if she puts a dye pack in the money, we'll find her house and chop up her kids.
Hi, my name's Brianna.
How's your day so far? Just read the note.
You want this in cash? No, we want you to pick out fucking stocks for us.
Move your ass.
Swipe your card, please.
What the fuck? Just be a few moments, sir.
You didn't think I was actually going to rob the place.
I have a savings account.
You got a bank account? Been working for a year.
This is all the money in your account, Mr.
Gallagher.
Are you sure you want to close it? Yeah.
All of it.
- Yeah! - (LAUGHING) That's wonderful! What what a sound.
Best sound in the world.
No, thank you.
(UPBEAT MUSIC) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey, um, thought you should know your old lady's downstairs eating cat food.
(SIGHS) Are you drinking? Yarn? Yeah, I'm taking up knitting.
All right.
Etta, there is a fridge full of human food right here.
- Debs.
- Perfect timing! - We're about to do the toast.
- Debs, you're supposed to be - watching Etta.
- She didn't leave the kitchen.
- Fi, here.
- Oh.
Fiona, please.
Will you turn down the music so I can get some work done? Yeah.
You too, my son.
Come, join the family.
- None for me.
- A toast.
He's getting sober, Frank.
One glass.
Do you know the meaning of the word "sober"? What am I saying? Of course not.
I'll take his.
You can toast with coffee.
Right, Lip? - Uh, sure.
- Okay, here's one for my beautiful red-headed daughter, and one for my beautiful dark son.
- No! Okay.
- I'll take his.
All right, who wants to give the first toast? Stand up.
Get up, get up.
Come on.
Who's doing the first one? I'll do it.
I'll do it.
All right.
What can I say about Frank and Monica that hasn't already been said? (BOTH CHUCKLE) You deserve each other.
Aww.
(ALL) Here, here! - Thank you.
- Here, here.
(ALL CHEERING) Thanks, guys, but I got to take a break.
ALL: Aww.
The job is yours.
Oh, thanks, but I don't know how much my body can hold up.
I know another way for you to make some cash.
You comfortable with a handjob? Definitely.
Wait, from who? No way.
All you gotta do is stand there with your eyes closed.
- Not happening.
- Come on.
What's the difference? A hand's a hand.
Not when it's attached to a dude.
The bidding is up to half a grand.
You did an auction? That is so messed up.
How much did you say again? $500.
Ooh.
- Ooh, you're good.
- (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS) (UPBEAT MUSIC) I know you're really trying to get your shit together.
And I know it's not easy.
So what were you working on upstairs? Considering a purchase.
What is it this time? A Gulfstream or a Learjet? (CHUCKLES) Apartment building.
I was joking.
I'm doing my due diligence.
Making sure it's a smart investment.
And waiting for you to tear me a new one.
It's no crazier than you buying the laundromat.
You know, and you pulled that off.
I really didn't think you could.
But you did.
Was that supposed to be a compliment? I was wrong.
About the laundromat.
About you.
(LAUGHS) Never thought I'd hear you say those words.
Are you feeling okay? Honestly, I feel a little bit weird.
Uh, me too.
Now I feel kinda like I'm rolling.
- Fuck.
- You spike our fucking drinks? Yeah.
With Molly.
It's a party.
This is how you help me stay sober? She was acting in your best interest.
I don't know why I'm even surprised.
I'm surprised.
I mean, since when have they ever shared their drugs? (LAUGHTER) - Come on, Lip, dance with me.
- No.
- Go.
- Come on, dance with me.
- No.
- Come on, yes.
There's nothing we can do about it now.
- There you go.
- Dance! All right, all right, all right, all right.
- Speed it up, speed it up.
- No, no, no, no, please.
Please, take the stick out of your ass for one night.
(VOLUME INCREASES) Spirit in the sky That's where I'm gonna go when I die When I die and they lay me to rest I'm gonna go to the place that's the best Pass me another.
Ow.
The fuck was that for? You never fucking visited me.
It was hard seeing you through that glass.
Better get moving if we want to get to the border by morning.
Doesn't really matter when we get there.
As long as we keep border patrol from recognizing me.
Having second thoughts? Fuck no.
What am I leaving behind? My family? Who cares I never see those shitheads again.
You had my back more than they ever did.
Hey, you ever think back in the day this is where we'd be? You running from the Feds? Yeah, I could have predicted that shit.
(CHUCKLES) You ever think about me? When I was in the joint? A lot.
Fuck, I missed you.
Frankie, I have an idea about how I can leave something for the kids.
But I've been holding back on it because it's kind of, uh, well, probably pretty dangerous.
How dangerous? DEA dangerous.
But we gotta do something for 'em.
I mean, look at 'em.
Can you believe it? - Yeah.
- We did good, Frankie.
- We did.
- That we did.
Oh, oh, oh With a love like that There's nothing I can do (PHONE VIBRATING) Who is this? Hi, yeah.
How long will it take you to get a room ready? S-sure.
We can be there this morning.
Okay.
Now you pull the knot tight, and but you leave a loop over the top.
Oh, okay.
I got it.
It's time to go, Etta.
Where? Home.
(GROANS) Baby, I gotta lie down.
Oh, not yet.
Ugh.
Whoa.
(CHUCKLES) Heard somebody got his balls back.
I wanted to see for myself.
Oh.
Yeah, baby, that's awesome.
Hey, what do you think about me getting jerked off by some dude for 500 bucks? Just play it cool.
We're going on vacation.
Fuck.
You see my stubble? If they stop us, my name's still Mickey.
Chicks are called Mickey, right? (EXHALES SHARPLY) All right.
You're driving.
What's the matter with you? Let's go.
I can't.
You can.
Get behind the wheel.
Drive the damn car.
Hey, we're one step from the finish line.
What the fuck is that? I don't want your fucking money.
I want you to come with me.
Don't do this.
- I love you.
- Then get in the fucking car.
It's not This isn't me anymore.
I'm sorry.
That's it, huh? Fuck you, Gallagher.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS) Fuck.
Epic party.
No reason not to keep it going.
Wakey wakey.
Wakey wake.
Wakey wake.
Mon? Monica? Monica? Come on, sweetheart.
Come on.
Come on, open your eyes.
Come on! (TENSE MUSIC) When the moon is rising And looking on me When the night comes The night is looking on me I say, yeah, I ain't the one I say, I ain't the one I ain't the one that you're looking for, love Mmm I ain't the one I ain't the one So now I'm leaving it all behind me Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh
I'm dying.
I don't have anything solid to leave the kids.
Wouldn't it be great to be outlaws together again? Time to turn over the betting money.
You want to buy Wendell's? My family works there.
People in the neighborhood depend on it.
I will give you 160,000, which is double what you paid for that lease.
(FIONA) I sold out Etta and I'm putting her in assisted living against her wishes.
Deed, business license, liquor license, bill of sale.
She told us we were signing adoption forms.
I am new owner of Alibi.
You been drinking? I'm a human fucking being with issues and I don't need another one.
Get out, please.
And get help.
Coming in, buddy? Fuck you! Look, I'm getting some new IDs, some cash, and heading to Mexico.
You should come.
This good-bye? Let's ride.
(ROCK MUSIC) Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? (HIP-HOP MUSIC) That changed hip-hop forever You remember (SINGING IN SPANISH) The fuck you looking at? Still haven't told me your plan.
I'm thinking a little bit of nipple pinching - and some ass eating.
- Seriously.
All right.
Hey, go straight to fucking.
That's fine.
You're a fugitive, all right? You can't just stroll across the Mexican border.
I told you, I got it covered.
Even learned me some Spanish.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) What the fuck does that mean? "Say that again, I'll shove your dick down your throat.
" You have any money? We'll get some.
Shit.
(CHUCKLES) So, you ever been to the beach? No.
Sun all year round.
No more freezing our asses off.
Just sandals and tequila from here on, man.
It's what kept me going in the joint.
The beach.
Us.
Bet your white ass burns like a motherfucker.
(COUGHING) - You wanna hit this? - Yeah, pass that shit.
(COUGHING) Don't fucking drop that shit.
Something else I want to hit.
Yo, go take a leak.
- Don't need to.
- Go do yoga.
Sing fucking Taylor Swift.
I don't give a shit.
Get out of the fucking car.
Go! (HIP-HOP MUSIC) Whoo! Need y'all to take y'all rags out man T.
I.
And let it swang Swang, swang Come here.
All right, okay, okay I don't dance no way I just take my Louis rag out And wave it round in the air I take my Gucci rag out And wave it round in the air Hey, I bottom now, too, if you want to switch things up.
I wanted to fuck a guy in the ass, I would have stayed in prison.
Get the lube, bitch.
(SNORING) (UPBEAT MUSIC) - What? - Do you remember anything - about last night? - No.
Me neither.
Looks like it was a fun one.
- What? - Come here.
I fucking love you.
How much do we have left? Let's get out of here before they stick us with the bill.
- Where's my pants? - I don't know.
Yeah.
Am I gonna have to hire a new dishwasher? 'Cause if I catch you drinking on the job again You want to breathalyze me? What's that for? I sold the laundromat.
Shit, already? How much you lose? I didn't.
Can you believe it? Once I pay off the mortgage and pay Etta back for the improvements, I'll have 75 grand.
God, I know I should take it to the bank, but fuck, I can't stop staring at it.
I didn't think I'd make this much money in my life.
Yeah, you better, uh, cash that before it bounces.
Hey, do you know anything about, uh, mutual funds or IRAs? Figure I should be smart with the money after I blow a little on something fun.
Can you pretend to be happy for me? Oh, no, I gotta go.
You know, those of us in the underclass, we have shit to do.
Hey, man.
Hey, can you believe Fiona fucking sold the laundromat? I can barely hear you.
I'm on the rig.
I'm, uh, I'm working a double.
All right, well, uh, I'll see you later tonight then? Well, I'm, uh, I'm actually sleeping at the station.
Okay.
Take care.
Hey, I'm getting pork rinds and a 40.
You want anything? Uh, coffee and a Kind bar.
Ugh.
Fucking pussy.
(GUNSHOT) Fuck! - Go, go, go, go, go! - Shit.
Drive the car! Drive the car! Drive the car! You beaner motherfucker? (GUNFIRE) Shit! (GUNFIRE) - Damon, you fucking dumb fuck! - Come on, what the fuck? You said you were getting food! I was till shit for brains here pulled his Glock out.
I thought when you said we was getting gas we was going to rob the fucking place.
I meant we were fucking getting gas! (COUGHS) - Whoa.
Wake and bake? - Saging.
I read it'll help get that backstabbing cunt's bad juju out of our house.
Is that what you're wearing? It's a machine parts company.
You don't wear loafers operating a drill press.
You're applying for a job.
You want to make a good impression.
Not just any job.
A man's job.
I let Svetlana Don't you even think of saying her name.
- You know what to call her.
- I'm sorry.
I let that backstabbing cunt take my balls.
Well, my nanny days are over.
I'm gonna support this family and I'm gonna get my balls back.
Here, take a look at this.
Kev, you misspelled "résumé" on your résumé.
What about the rest of it? What rest of it? There's only one line.
Well, I only had one job.
And I've never written one of these before.
You gotta beef it up.
Sometimes people write their goals.
You want me to tell them I want to make as much money doing as little work as possible? We got enough to last us for a while.
Hey, did any bartending gigs come up on the alert thingie on your phone? Yeah, but only at fancy places.
You gotta be a certified mixologist.
Remember all a bartender had to do was pour a shot and tap a keg? Now you can't even work behind a bar without knowing how to make a Campari-fennel aperitif.
Yeah, who puts fennel in their drink? - What is fennel? - You got me.
Lip? Lip? Hey, Jesus! You said you had the drinking under control.
Hey, I'm in the fucking shower! I don't fucking care, Lip! Mrs.
Joseph said she saw you on the El train so fucked up that you couldn't even walk.
I went to a meeting.
- Don't fucking lie to me, Lip.
- I'm not.
I-I hate AA.
I think it's fucking stupid, but I went.
Are you gonna go back? If I say yes, will you let me finish cleaning my junk? Thank you.
You know, I'm getting pretty tired of everybody telling me what to do all the time.
Get your shit together we won't have to.
So, uh, Fiona sold the laundromat.
Mean you're out of a job? Think I want to fold laundry for the rest of my life? I signed up for junior college.
Oh, yeah? Studying what? Malcolm X has a pretty good welding program.
- Welding? - Yeah.
What, so you you want to be a welder? I can apprentice with someone while I'm still in school.
Get certified in under two years, and make up to 20 bucks an hour to start.
- When's your next meeting? - 20 minutes.
You know, maybe if you left I could get dressed so I wouldn't be late.
- Welding, huh? - Yeah.
Flux core, metal arc, gas arc, tungsten, mig, tig.
Welding.
It's gonna be a Jamba Juice.
Cool, huh? Yeah, it's really awesome watching you guys tear apart everything I built.
Too late for second thoughts.
I just came from the bank.
I deposited the check.
Although I took a picture of it first so I can put it on my wall.
Feel good paying off the mortgage? I didn't think you guys were gonna tear the place apart so soon.
We're hosting happy hour.
Workers start the remodel tomorrow.
- Happy hour? - Mm.
South Side Young Professionals.
(ETTA) Get your hands off my washer! - (GROANS) - Thief! Guessing you didn't tell her yet.
No, I did.
A couple of times.
She's got no short-term memory.
(MAN) Lady, stop, please.
I gotta work.
It's not easy ripping someone from their home of 50 years.
You get used to it.
(MAN) Come on.
Come on.
- You silly ass.
- Jesus, lady! Okay, Etta, Etta, calm down.
Call the police.
They're taking everything.
I know, I know.
Come on, let's sit down.
What the hell's going on? We talked about this yesterday and last night.
We have to leave.
Why? 'Cause there's asbestos in the walls.
And the city found out and they want to shut us down.
That fucking Mayor Daley.
First he hands the White House to that goddamn Catholic, and now this crap.
We gotta get you out of your apartment.
Just for a few days.
You can come home with me.
(GASPS) I can stay with you, Sandy? Yep.
I got a room all ready for you.
- Oh! I'll go pack.
- Okay.
Oh! Oh, we'll have fun.
We can go out on the town and let the boys feel us up on the dance floor.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
Motel orgy loot.
Frank, give Debbie a wallet.
Or better yet, give her a ring.
For their wedding.
I'm buying her ring.
Aww, that is so romantic.
I lost mine years ago.
You sold it for crack.
Let's see how this one looks on you, my love.
I think it's a real diamond.
Wow.
I wonder how much Raoul's gonna give us for it.
We can't sell this.
Why not? It's the best of the bunch.
No.
It fits like a glass slipper.
That should never leave your finger.
- Monica Jean Darrgen - Yeah? Will you marry me? But what about getting money for the kids? Let's give the kids something more valuable than money.
An example of real love.
And then we'll go back to work tomorrow? Sure.
Today we proclaim how we feel before God and the whole world.
Pretty sure the whole world doesn't care.
Pretty sure God doesn't either.
Will you make me the happiest man in the world? - Um - Come on.
- Yes.
- (BOTH LAUGHING) Yes, yes, yes.
We need new wheels in case anyone made us back there.
Huh, sounds about right.
All right, green one.
Oh, hell no.
Look at this Camaro.
Dumb ass, the window on the green one is down.
There's no alarm.
But it's so beautiful.
Da Damon, you're on lookout.
Come on.
(GRUNTING) Come on, hurry up.
I'm a little out of practice.
No, you got it.
It's the other Do I tell you how to do EMT shit? - I just - Leave the goddamn stealing - to the experts.
Fuck.
- Okay.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS) Let's go.
Hope Damon knows how to hitchhike.
We're ditching him? Mouth-breather's gonna get us arrested or killed.
- Better it's just us.
- Oh, sh Adios, motherfucker.
Mickey! What the fuck? Bitch, go my own way.
I thought to myself, "What are you doing, Robin? "You have a 4.
0 GPA.
You were, like, president of your high school class.
" I called my mom and dad even though it was 2:00 a.
m.
They were like, "We love you.
" I haven't had a drink in seven months.
(APPLAUSE) I was just elected rush chair of my sorority and (EXHALES SHARPLY) Hey, you got a square? - Yeah.
- Thanks.
Appreciate it.
She still at it? Yeah.
I swear, if I have to listen to that same bullshit story one more time, I can't be held responsible for my actions.
Yeah, listening to that shit makes me want to drink more, not less.
You're new, right? Yeah, it's my second meeting.
We should grab some coffee.
Swap some real drinking stories.
Look, you're hitting on me or trying to get me to buy into this crap.
Either way, I'm not fucking into it.
You don't think I'm attractive? Look, uh, I'm not doing any steps, all right? Not making any fucking amends.
You think I'm being altruistic? I'm doing it for me, man.
I still need this shit to stay sober.
I got work.
Come on.
We can meet up after.
Just two drunks swapping war stories.
Whatever crazy shit you did, I bet I can top it.
Hi, is the job still open? Hi.
Yeah.
Here's an application.
Spanish okay? I was gonna have a tough enough time in English.
Let's see.
You know what? I can't find any in English.
I haven't been asked for one of those in a while.
Why don't I translate? I'll write in your answers for you.
Sounds good.
Your writing's probably nicer than mine anyways.
Okay, name.
How do you say "ball" in Spanish? Pelota.
I'm Kevin Pelota.
Kevin Pelota.
How long have you been operating a CNC machine? Was that English? Do you know how to program a CNC machine? Piece of cake.
Are you lying? No.
I want a man's job, where you pull up your sleeves and get your hands dirty.
Get in your time machine.
Those jobs don't exist anymore.
Everything's computerized now.
Oh, computers.
What is so special about computers anyway? I mean, sure, they seem awesome.
They help you rip off movies.
But what happens when they become self-aware, huh? Huh? (MACHINES HUMMING) (DANCE MUSIC) So how's this guy gonna sneak us in to Mexico? Fuck if I know.
Piñata? (INDISTINCT CHATTER) These are pretty good beans, man.
Guess they don't call 'em beaners for nothing, huh? Which one of them's your guy? You sure we should be barging in Hey, which one of you guys is Jesús? I'm Jesus.
Oh.
Never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I finally found Jesus.
- Hey.
- Dishes are piling up.
What? Shit, Lip again? (EXHALES SHARPLY) Not his fault.
Your parents are in the kitchen.
What? - Hey.
- I'm trying to talk to you.
- Lip, come on.
- Get out of my kitchen.
- Yeah, my sentiments exactly.
- There's my firstborn.
We want you to be our maid of honor.
What? What are you talking about? - Oh, you're gonna love this.
- Show her.
You stole a ring.
So what? How we acquired it is beside the point.
- We're getting married.
- You're already married.
- Only legally.
- Yeah.
We're we're recommitting our hearts to each other.
Yeah, you need to find them first.
Hey, this is important.
Honor your father and mother.
He's working.
We're renewing our vows this afternoon.
Which vows? The ones where you put yourselves before everyone first? Or the ones where you don't take responsibility for your actions? Hey, all I had to do was pull out and you never would have been born.
You were too high to pull out.
Debbie's coming.
And Liam.
And I texted Ian, but I haven't heard back.
- Oh, we gotta call Carl.
- Yes, Carl! Carl's in military school.
You ever hear of a plane? Out of curiosity, who's officiating this bullshit ceremony? We don't need middlemen.
This is between God and us.
Well, that's a good thing because no priest will come near you after what happened at your first wedding.
Oh, yeah, didn't you puke on Father McDougal? - Mm-hmm.
- You weren't even there.
I was there for the second one.
Oh, Christ.
The naked wedding.
That was beautiful.
If you're a pedophile.
Why do you two keep harping on the past? This is why your lives are so messed up.
Oh, yeah, that's the reason.
You deserved a better mother.
You needed me.
I wasn't there.
I'm asking for a fresh start.
A new beginning.
For the family.
Please come.
You're not gonna go, are you? Fuck, no.
Carlos gave me your name.
Which Carlos? I know 30 of them.
Cook County Correctional.
So that narrows it down to four.
- We need a coyote.
- For what? To sneak us across the border.
You're already across the border.
No, the, uh, other side.
You want me to sneak you into Mexico? Yeah.
I want you to do whatever you do backwards.
Ora, you're that vato from the news.
The one that made the prison chick fall for you.
What the fuck she ever see in you, ese? I could pull it out, but I don't want to scare all the kids.
Dad.
It's time for me to dance with my little girl.
That's it? I get caught with a fugitive, that's federal time.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what am I supposed to do? It's not my problem, homie.
You're on your fucking own.
The fuck you say to me? Come on, come on, come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Hey, baby.
I'm just making some lunch.
How'd it go? This is a land of pussy-men now.
Unless you have a computer, you don't stand a chance.
And when did not finishing high school mean you can't feed your family? Oh, don't worry about it.
I'll get a job.
I'll work for my mom at the salon.
- But what about my balls? - What about feeding our girls? You said we were okay.
For a little while.
I'll work at your mom's then.
- Doing hair? - How hard can it be? - (PHONE CHIMES) - A new listing.
Cornrows, weaves.
Black women love me.
A job tending bar.
I'll text you the address.
You can be the first one there.
Nothing is getting in my way this time.
- Go get 'em, baby.
I love you.
- I love you.
(CHUCKLES) Jesus! How long you been standing there? I brought my cats.
You can bring two of them.
I-I'll get my stool.
- (CATS MEOWING) - Hey, what's all that? Ugh, Etta's.
I'm bringing her to stay at the house till a room opens up at assisted living.
- You want a hand? - Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I'll do it.
You believe Frank and Monica? Never a dull moment when the shitshow's in town.
- You got that? - Yeah.
Yeah.
I'd carry this stuff home for you, but my shift's not over.
That's all right.
I don't need help.
(CAR BEEPS) You bought a car? Yeah.
Only 425 a month.
You like it? (DANCE MUSIC) (RAPPING) I'm here about the bartending job.
Are you gay? Do you want me to be gay? If you're gonna work here.
Yeah, I'm gay.
(CHUCKLES) What? I love cock.
Big cock, small cock, curved cock that looks like a banana.
(LAUGHING) You're a shitty liar.
- I'm a kickass bartender.
- No.
I've been doing it, like, 15 years.
- No.
- I need the job to feed my kids.
Here, look look at this picture of them.
Oh, cute.
No.
So now if I speak English and like vagina, I can't get a job.
That's discrimination.
- Oh, give me a break.
- You can't deny me an opportunity because of my sexual orientation.
Who I choose to sleep with in the privacy of my own home - is none of your damn business.
- All right.
One night.
We'll see how you do.
Go get changed.
Oh, I think that's the last of it.
This isn't your apartment, Sandy.
Well, I, uh, I moved.
Why? This place is a shithole.
Who's the Negro? Uh, this is Liam.
(WHISPERING) And they're not called that anymore.
- Debs! - Kitchen.
Oh, thanks for watching Etta for a couple of hours.
Yeah, I'm here anyways for Frank and Monica.
Can't believe you came for that.
It's for Franny.
They're her grandparents.
Oh! (CHUCKLES) Oh, this is a beaut, Sandy.
Here you go.
You remember Debbie, right? - Hi.
- She'll be here in case you need anything.
So chances are she'll just sit there for hours, but you never know.
Okay, I gotta get back to work.
Look what we found.
Yeah.
(GASPS) Fiona, I knew you'd come.
Actually I'm here to get Etta set up.
- You're gonna wear that? - Yeah.
It was hers before it was yours.
Oh, knock yourself out.
There's no chance I'm wearing that again.
Wait, Fiona, stay.
Please.
Thanks, but, uh, no.
Bye.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Just got done with my shift.
- Hey.
- What can I get you guys? - Just a coffee.
- For your friend? Is the cherry pie good? Well, okay.
We'll try that.
And a piece of coconut pie.
And a and a and a slice of cheesecake.
And the bread pudding.
It's for the table.
You pregnant? You get sugar cravings, right? Being fat's better than drunk.
So, let's hear if your drinking stories are as good as a Tri Delt's.
I don't know.
I had a bad breakup last year.
Uh, took a crowbar to a professor's car.
And took on a couple of campus cops.
- How'd that go? - Not well.
(CHUCKLES) Is that the best you got? I pissed on a sorority mom.
Hey.
Was she into it? - No, definitely not.
- Oh.
Darn.
I woke up in the hospital once.
Only once? (CHUCKLES) Yeah, the third time I did that, I ruptured my spleen.
Almost died.
Don't know how it happened to this day.
So that was your rock bottom? Oh, fuck no.
No, no.
No, it was a combo of, uh, booze and angel dust.
Got all paranoid.
I thought my girlfriend called the cops on me.
Locked her in our apartment, put a gun to her head, pulled the trigger.
I mean, the chamber was empty, thank God.
I didn't know that, but, uh, yeah.
I woulda I woulda fucking killed her.
Yeah, you win.
So when did you have your first drink? - Fourth grade.
- First time you puked? Fourth grade.
Uh, my parents, they, um, they encouraged it.
(LAUGHING) Is that a joke? No.
I mean, everyone I knew drank.
You know, it was, uh, in our house, friends' houses, school, everywhere.
You know, it's just what the neighborhood's like.
Well, there's a reason people like it, you know.
Feels good.
Feels good waking up in a hospital? No.
Drinking, it, uh, you know, it turns the volume down.
You know, makes the world more tolerable.
Sounds like drinking might not be your only problem.
Holy shit, you're right.
You know, I never thought of that.
(CHUCKLES) - Okay.
- Hey, all right.
Oh, shit.
Thanks.
Enjoy.
Well, dig in, brother.
Uh.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Fiona.
- Wow.
You just gutted the place.
Eh, nothing worth keeping.
Uh, no offense.
Uh, Ryan, Fiona.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
She used to own this space.
Flipped it.
100% profit in under three months.
You're shitting me.
He's not shitting you.
It was beginner's luck.
She likes to play it off like she didn't know what she was doing.
This one, shrewd as hell.
Well, a networking event so, uh, I should go network.
Yeah.
You know, Chad bought a couple of single-family houses over on Wallace.
Now he thinks he's Herb Allen.
(CHUCKLES) I didn't know that Chad invested on his own.
Yeah, when he doesn't have his lips pressed firmly up against Margo's ass.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I used to have Chad's job.
That was four years of taking Margo's shit.
It was a better education than Wharton.
Am I supposed to know what Wharton is? Okay, all right.
Where did you go to school? - Nowhere you've ever heard of.
- Try me.
Ridgedale High.
I went to Tilden.
You're South Side? Yeah, born and bred.
My dad used to work construction.
He let me tag along in the summers.
I got the building bug.
And that's actually the name of my company, - Building Bug.
- It's cute.
Thank you.
Yours? Oh, I-I don't have a company.
It was a one time thing.
So did you get inside information on this place? Like rezoning or something you knew would jack up the value? Just right place, right time, you know? What's taking her so long? Maybe you didn't notice, but Fiona and Monica aren't exactly the same size.
I had to improvise.
You look as beautiful as the first time you wore that.
Oh, Frank.
Thanks.
I wrote my vows down.
My handsome Frank.
You're my best friend and the best fuck I ever had.
Today I commit to a new beginning together.
To leaving the past in the past.
I forgive you for everything you've done.
For stealing my dad's car and driving it into Lake Michigan.
For not telling me when you cut that batch of coke with just a touch of Drano.
I forgive you for promising me to that drug dealer in exchange for crystal meth.
I forgive you for dragging me three blocks with the car.
Okay, sweetheart, that was an accident.
No, it wasn't, my love.
How was I supposed to know that your dress was caught in the door? Because I was screaming! The radio was blaring Layla, remember? No, you were getting back at me for throwing you in front of the El.
If I hadn't climbed off the tracks, you would've killed me.
Yes, and it serves you right for fucking that slut with the cauliflower ears! I was not fucking her! - Yes, you did! - No, I didn't.
Don't fucking lie to me, Frank! It was a blowjob.
Oh! Frank! (BOTH GRUNTING) (BOTH YELLING) Yeah.
Thanks for the sugar shock.
Yeah, no problem.
See you around.
Hey, what, that's it? What? No nuggets of wisdom? Have you tried knitting? What, knitting? Yeah.
Helped me to have a distraction.
You know, when you stop drinking, all of a sudden you got all this free time on your hands.
I tried whittling, but I kept cutting the shit out of myself.
Oh, so that's your key to staying sober? Fucking knitting? (CHUCKLES) Well, I ain't fucking Yoda.
I mean, the only key to staying sober is not drinking.
Knitting and sugar helped me stay sane.
That and meetings, so for what it's worth, you did the first step.
That's what this was? I knew it.
Look, man, do the steps, don't do the steps.
I really don't give a shit.
I ain't your fucking babysitter.
You really want to stop drinking? I mean, do you really want to? Yes.
Then I hope I see you at the next meeting.
See ya.
You live here? (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) Sorry if it's chilly.
The heating's a little spotty.
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) I bought the building in foreclosure.
I moved in so I could oversee the remodel, but but I never got it started.
(CHUCKLES) (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) Yo, you can start on service.
- I got this.
- Whoo! Anybody order a hot piece of ass? Feast your eyes, boys.
You can look, but you can't touch.
Except you.
You can touch.
Go on and give it a little slap.
- Yeah.
- Ooh, yeah.
Looks like the drinks aren't the only things - that are stiff around here.
- (ALL CHEERING) My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
- Oh, yeah! - (ALL CHEERING) Let the champagne spill (ALL CHEERING) Let the champagne spill Still have to figure out a way to get across the border.
Could try swimming over.
Never learned how.
Seriously? Huh.
Or we could try driving.
They probably have my picture posted all over the border crossing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gonna need to get some real money, man.
Fuck.
All right.
That bar we passed back there.
- Are you fucking nuts? - What? This is Texas.
Everybody here is packing.
You got a better idea how to get cash? Yeah.
The bank.
Oh, check it out.
Ian Gallagher putting his big boy pants on.
- Oh, Monica, open the door.
- (MONICA) Go away.
You already forgave me for everything else.
What's one more? Is it broken? No.
You didn't hear my vows yet.
I stand here today because my life is infinitely better with you, than without.
You remember the vows from our first wedding? I vow to love who you are and who you become.
I vow to build a family and to create a loving home with you filled with laughter and joy.
I vow to be by your side no matter what comes our way.
Frank and Monica, always.
Like a fairy tale.
Happily ever after.
Be gentle with me.
I'm a virgin.
(LAUGHTER) What are you gonna do with the place? What, the building? Uh-huh.
Why? Never mind.
Why? Well, it's a tiny two-bedroom, but you could easily make it a big one.
There's lots of couples without kids that are moving to the South Side.
Is this wall load-bearing? - Uh, no.
- You could just rip it out.
You could really open up this space a lot.
Let some light in.
Do you want it? - Want what? - The building.
Look, I own two commercial properties.
I would like to get this one off my hands.
I never should have bought it.
Are are you serious? (CHUCKLES) Hearing you talk about renovating this place was was the most excited that I have seen you - That's definitely not true.
- And that includes the time - that we were having sex.
- Shut up.
You were great.
Just don't don't just don't change the subject, okay? - What's the catch? - There is no catch.
Look, I'm not giving it to you for free, okay? It would just it would save me the hassle of putting the property back on the market.
I would never do anything without full inspections.
Absolutely.
Plumbing, electrical, roof, the works.
Yeah, of course.
Can you do 350? (EXHALES DEEPLY) Yeah, I could probably get a loan for that much.
- Good.
- But the building's not worth more than 250.
Put the mask away.
You're already on camera.
Fuck.
All right, look, you cover rent-a-cop.
I'll go get the money.
I'll handle the teller.
All right, we do this my way.
No guns.
All right, Dillinger, let's see what you got.
Hey, tell her if she puts a dye pack in the money, we'll find her house and chop up her kids.
Hi, my name's Brianna.
How's your day so far? Just read the note.
You want this in cash? No, we want you to pick out fucking stocks for us.
Move your ass.
Swipe your card, please.
What the fuck? Just be a few moments, sir.
You didn't think I was actually going to rob the place.
I have a savings account.
You got a bank account? Been working for a year.
This is all the money in your account, Mr.
Gallagher.
Are you sure you want to close it? Yeah.
All of it.
- Yeah! - (LAUGHING) That's wonderful! What what a sound.
Best sound in the world.
No, thank you.
(UPBEAT MUSIC) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey, um, thought you should know your old lady's downstairs eating cat food.
(SIGHS) Are you drinking? Yarn? Yeah, I'm taking up knitting.
All right.
Etta, there is a fridge full of human food right here.
- Debs.
- Perfect timing! - We're about to do the toast.
- Debs, you're supposed to be - watching Etta.
- She didn't leave the kitchen.
- Fi, here.
- Oh.
Fiona, please.
Will you turn down the music so I can get some work done? Yeah.
You too, my son.
Come, join the family.
- None for me.
- A toast.
He's getting sober, Frank.
One glass.
Do you know the meaning of the word "sober"? What am I saying? Of course not.
I'll take his.
You can toast with coffee.
Right, Lip? - Uh, sure.
- Okay, here's one for my beautiful red-headed daughter, and one for my beautiful dark son.
- No! Okay.
- I'll take his.
All right, who wants to give the first toast? Stand up.
Get up, get up.
Come on.
Who's doing the first one? I'll do it.
I'll do it.
All right.
What can I say about Frank and Monica that hasn't already been said? (BOTH CHUCKLE) You deserve each other.
Aww.
(ALL) Here, here! - Thank you.
- Here, here.
(ALL CHEERING) Thanks, guys, but I got to take a break.
ALL: Aww.
The job is yours.
Oh, thanks, but I don't know how much my body can hold up.
I know another way for you to make some cash.
You comfortable with a handjob? Definitely.
Wait, from who? No way.
All you gotta do is stand there with your eyes closed.
- Not happening.
- Come on.
What's the difference? A hand's a hand.
Not when it's attached to a dude.
The bidding is up to half a grand.
You did an auction? That is so messed up.
How much did you say again? $500.
Ooh.
- Ooh, you're good.
- (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS) (UPBEAT MUSIC) I know you're really trying to get your shit together.
And I know it's not easy.
So what were you working on upstairs? Considering a purchase.
What is it this time? A Gulfstream or a Learjet? (CHUCKLES) Apartment building.
I was joking.
I'm doing my due diligence.
Making sure it's a smart investment.
And waiting for you to tear me a new one.
It's no crazier than you buying the laundromat.
You know, and you pulled that off.
I really didn't think you could.
But you did.
Was that supposed to be a compliment? I was wrong.
About the laundromat.
About you.
(LAUGHS) Never thought I'd hear you say those words.
Are you feeling okay? Honestly, I feel a little bit weird.
Uh, me too.
Now I feel kinda like I'm rolling.
- Fuck.
- You spike our fucking drinks? Yeah.
With Molly.
It's a party.
This is how you help me stay sober? She was acting in your best interest.
I don't know why I'm even surprised.
I'm surprised.
I mean, since when have they ever shared their drugs? (LAUGHTER) - Come on, Lip, dance with me.
- No.
- Go.
- Come on, dance with me.
- No.
- Come on, yes.
There's nothing we can do about it now.
- There you go.
- Dance! All right, all right, all right, all right.
- Speed it up, speed it up.
- No, no, no, no, please.
Please, take the stick out of your ass for one night.
(VOLUME INCREASES) Spirit in the sky That's where I'm gonna go when I die When I die and they lay me to rest I'm gonna go to the place that's the best Pass me another.
Ow.
The fuck was that for? You never fucking visited me.
It was hard seeing you through that glass.
Better get moving if we want to get to the border by morning.
Doesn't really matter when we get there.
As long as we keep border patrol from recognizing me.
Having second thoughts? Fuck no.
What am I leaving behind? My family? Who cares I never see those shitheads again.
You had my back more than they ever did.
Hey, you ever think back in the day this is where we'd be? You running from the Feds? Yeah, I could have predicted that shit.
(CHUCKLES) You ever think about me? When I was in the joint? A lot.
Fuck, I missed you.
Frankie, I have an idea about how I can leave something for the kids.
But I've been holding back on it because it's kind of, uh, well, probably pretty dangerous.
How dangerous? DEA dangerous.
But we gotta do something for 'em.
I mean, look at 'em.
Can you believe it? - Yeah.
- We did good, Frankie.
- We did.
- That we did.
Oh, oh, oh With a love like that There's nothing I can do (PHONE VIBRATING) Who is this? Hi, yeah.
How long will it take you to get a room ready? S-sure.
We can be there this morning.
Okay.
Now you pull the knot tight, and but you leave a loop over the top.
Oh, okay.
I got it.
It's time to go, Etta.
Where? Home.
(GROANS) Baby, I gotta lie down.
Oh, not yet.
Ugh.
Whoa.
(CHUCKLES) Heard somebody got his balls back.
I wanted to see for myself.
Oh.
Yeah, baby, that's awesome.
Hey, what do you think about me getting jerked off by some dude for 500 bucks? Just play it cool.
We're going on vacation.
Fuck.
You see my stubble? If they stop us, my name's still Mickey.
Chicks are called Mickey, right? (EXHALES SHARPLY) All right.
You're driving.
What's the matter with you? Let's go.
I can't.
You can.
Get behind the wheel.
Drive the damn car.
Hey, we're one step from the finish line.
What the fuck is that? I don't want your fucking money.
I want you to come with me.
Don't do this.
- I love you.
- Then get in the fucking car.
It's not This isn't me anymore.
I'm sorry.
That's it, huh? Fuck you, Gallagher.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS) Fuck.
Epic party.
No reason not to keep it going.
Wakey wakey.
Wakey wake.
Wakey wake.
Mon? Monica? Monica? Come on, sweetheart.
Come on.
Come on, open your eyes.
Come on! (TENSE MUSIC) When the moon is rising And looking on me When the night comes The night is looking on me I say, yeah, I ain't the one I say, I ain't the one I ain't the one that you're looking for, love Mmm I ain't the one I ain't the one So now I'm leaving it all behind me Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh