Comic Book Men s07e12 Episode Script

1 [ Funky music.]
Flanagan: Can I ask you guys somethin' that has nothin' to do with comics, or movies, or toys? Sure, go ahead.
Flanagan: If you have to pick one year as the best year of your life, which year would it be? All right, I think back to the year 2000.
- There was that big Y2K scare - Yeah.
and I thought the world was gonna end, and then it didn't, and then things just kind of looked up from then, like, I-I-I bought a new car.
I think everybody felt this, like, sense of relief that there wasn't mass chaos and banks crashing.
Flanagan: Are you really telling me, because Y2K was just all hype, that became the best year of your life? Were you not listening? He got a new car the next year! [Laughter.]
Flanagan: I got mine.
2008.
That was the year that my youngest was five, and my oldest was nine, and I know every weekend we were doin' somethin' together, We were goin' somewhere, we were doin' somethin', and that was the best year of my life.
I'd never thought I'd say this, but can we talk more about comics? [Laughter.]
Johnson: This is really depressing.
[Laughter.]
[ Dramatic music.]
[Roar.]
- Help! - Help! Help! [Mechanical whirring.]
[Boom.]
[ Upbeat music.]
Well, welcome back to another episode of "Comic Book Men", the only show that had the chance to go to the Playboy Mansion, but went to the Avengers Mansion instead.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Okay Wonder Women, what did we do this week? [ Groovy music.]
- [ Goofy music.]
- Hello.
[Doing Muppet voice.]
Hi! Waka waka! Ha! Animal says hi! Flanagan: Uh Fozzie Bear and Animal! [Chen chuckles.]
So, what are they, though? Are they [Normal voice.]
Um, these are actually two 1970s Fisher-Price Muppet toys.
You don't get this type of quality anymore.
Wow, um puppets.
[Doing Muppet voice.]
Dude, Muppets, duh! [Laughter.]
- Johnson: You got put in your place.
- Flanagan: Yeah.
It feels good.
Doesn't it, Fozzie? Waka waka.
I can see your lips move, though.
[Normal voice.]
I'm not a ventriloquist.
- Yeah, there's a difference, right? - Oh, I'm sorry.
- Seller: Yeah, there's a big difference.
- Muppeteer, and ventriloquist - I'm not a Muppeteer.
- Johnson: You're not a Muppeteer? No, that's only reserved for those who work for the Henson Company.
- Yeah, come on, you amateur.
- You called it a puppet! - [Laughter.]
- At least I was close.
Chen: Were you a fan of "The Muppet Show"? It was a little bit too slapsticky for me, too vaudevillian.
I'm sorry, I'm more I have a more refined taste in my comedy.
Seller: What's more refined than Vaudeville? He was a very sophisticated seven-year-old.
[Laughter.]
I was always mystified by the immense popularity of the Muppets.
What was it about them that, like, was so great? - They were puppets.
- [Chuckling.]
That's it.
It begins and ends there.
Flanagan: I would look at it and be like, "What is Why is everybody diggin' this?" - [Laughter.]
- Not even a chuckle.
Johnson: What did you watch at that time? 'Cause I remember I used to watch, like, "That's Incredible.
" I watch the "MacNeil/Lehrer News Hour.
" They were serious, and they had no puppets! [Laughter.]
So, what brings you to the Stash today? - I need money.
- Flanagan: You need money? There's two guns under each one.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: Are you willing to take them off your hands - so I can look at them closely? - Oh, of course.
Yes.
You don't see as many of these puppets actually useable.
So, these are in really great condition.
- Chen: Can I try out, like, the Fozzie Bear? - Seller: Oh, yeah, please.
I gotta make sure it works, right? - Flanagan: Look at the smile on your face.
- It's cool! [Flanagan stammering.]
- It, like, put the smile on your face immediately.
- I like that.
It's like, [doing Muppet voice.]
Hey, Walt, why did the chicken cross the basketball court? Why? Because the ref kept calling fouls! - Ha! Waka waka waka! - That's a good one.
How much fun would the customers have coming in here if we're greeting them as-with puppets? - Yeah! - So much that they'd go to a different store? [Laughter.]
Flanagan: I'm interested.
For the right price, though.
All right.
What are you lookin' to get for 'em? I'm gonna say $40 each, $80.
- $80, huh? - Yeah.
Could you do $50? Nnh, $79? $55? - Nnh - Come on, that's a good price.
[Chuckles.]
Yeah, okay, I'll do $55.
- Deal.
- Seller: All right.
- Exciting, right? - Oh, yeah.
[Laughter.]
[ Rock music.]
Makin' sure all of those are in numerical order, right? Yeah, I go-I got it.
Hey, listen, I wanted to ask you, uh, is-is there any chance I can get next Friday off? I'm goin' to a con in Pennsylvania.
Another con? Is there a con you don't attend? I-I-I like going to them.
I try to go to as many as I can.
I just-I like the atmosphere.
S-so I don't think so.
I promised my buddy I'd drive up with him.
Tell your buddy he's gonna have to drive up by himself.
- It's Michael Gray.
- So? - I promised I would go - Who's Michael Gray? You know, Michael Gray, he played Billy Batson in "Shazam!"? That Michael Gray? Yeah, I promised I would drive up with him.
We were gonna have tables next to each other.
I can't even process what you're saying here.
You hang out with Michael Gray, TV's Billy Batson, Captain Marvel, "Shazam!", '70s icon? Why is this so-so, like, hard to believe? This is, like, our childhood, man.
- This You don't understand.
- It's Billy Batson.
"Shazam!" That was the only superhero show we had back then.
I mean, come on, who didn't wanna be Billy Batson in the '70s? I mean, the actor, Michael Gray, Billy Batson, he had the hair, he had the fly outfit, and he could turn into Captain Marvel.
Smith: Shazam, like, a lot of people say, "Oh, that's the character's name.
" But that's not the character's name, that's what the character said.
The character is Captain Marvel.
Billy Batson becomes Captain Marvel by saying "Shazam.
" And "shazam" was the word given to him in the cave by the - Wizard.
- The wizard.
That's right, man.
And that show was everything to me because it was my generation of superhero.
I wanted to be Billy Batson.
I wanted to be able to travel across the country and help other teens that were in distress.
At-risk youths? [Laughter.]
How 'bout this? You can go to the con, but you gotta bring Michael Gray by here so I can meet him.
That's it? You just wanna meet Michael Gray? Zapcic: Yeah.
I-I mean, if all you wanna do is meet him, then, yeah, totally, I can bring him by.
Just-just promise me that you won't embarrass yourself.
Like, can you please just tone it down a little bit? Don't make me look bad, please.
All I can say is I'll try, but, I mean, my hands are already shakin'.
All right, I'll get him down here.
Deal? Deal.
Absolutely.
So, what do we got here? A "Beverly Hills 90210" version of Twister.
Can we play it? [Laughter.]
Flanagan: I don't care how this looks, I ain't losin'.
I want to introduce you to my friend Michael Gray.
What's with the shirts? Whoa.
[ Rock music.]
[Train horn blares.]
- Hey, guys.
- How you doin'? Good.
Any "90210" fans here? Flanagan: Eh, no, not me.
Oh, yeah.
Totally.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: So, what do we got here? Seller: Well, I've got a "Beverly Hills 90210" Entangle game.
Flanagan: Like a board game? It's sort of a version of Twister.
Twister.
Do you collect a lot of 90210 merchandise? Other than the fanny pack? Flanagan: I haven't seen one of those in years.
This is very serious.
I'm a Dylan girl.
He's my boyfriend.
Look at his face.
He's smoldering.
Johnson: He's just a pretty boy.
Okay.
These people are my friends.
I never disparage anybody's collectables that give them you know, that mean everything to them, but this is a comic book store.
We sell cool stuff, like, action figures, superheroes, um, this is kind of little bit too, um Dumb? [Laughter.]
I remember watching "90210" while working at QuickStop before we made "Clerks.
" I remember it when we worked at QuickStop, and you watching that, and I was like, "I gotta find different friends.
" [Laughter.]
What do you think? Do you want to buy it? - Can we play it? - Who you gonna play it against? You! I'll play against you.
Nah.
- I would like to see that.
- Oh, come on! - Why do you wanna play it so bad? - Chen: Come on.
'Cause I think I would win.
I'll have you know that a gym teacher once told me - if Twister was an Olympic sport - Yeah.
- I would've been a gold medalist.
- Chen: Really? That teacher was arrested shortly after.
[Laughter.]
Prove it, then! Come on, Mr.
Bigmouth, put your money where your mouth is.
- Oh, Mr.
Bigmouth.
- Let's see if you're - Yeah.
- Oh wow, now you gotta get to name-calling.
- Mr.
Bigmouth.
- Yeah.
I feel like I might have to step back for this one.
Is there a clear-cut winner if I play it? Yes.
Whoever falls first.
- Chen: Yeah! - Whoever falls first.
Chen: Yes.
- All right.
- Not falls in love.
[Laughter.]
Wanna do it? All right.
You're on.
You just have to buy it first.
Well, how much is it? I'm willing to part with it for $100.
[Laughter.]
A hundred bucks? $50? 10 bucks.
I'll give you ten bucks, and and then when we're done with it, you can take it back.
- I can't do - [Laughter.]
I can't do ten, I can't do ten, but I'll go down to 20.
Chen: 20 bucks, pick up the challenge, bro, come on.
All right, 20 bucks.
I am going to snap you like a stale breadstick.
Oh, so confident now, huh? - All right.
- All right.
- Flanagan: 20 bucks.
- Seller: Thank you.
All right, let's go.
- Remember, you asked for this.
- All right.
You asked to be humiliated in front of everybody.
Chen: All right, well remember, you agreed to play this, so if you lose, you lose.
[Laughter.]
By definition of the word.
- You go first.
- I go first? - Flanagan: Yeah, Ming goes first.
- Chen: Okay, all right.
Seller: Okay, Ming, left foot on Steve's knee.
Walt, right knee, Andrea's foot.
[ Intense music.]
- Seller: Smooth movin'.
- I feel like I'm at the Super Bowl.
[Laughter.]
Okay, Walt, right hand on Donna's shoulder.
You gotta open up your legs a little bit so I can get my hand in there.
There, is that enough? - Seller: Ming, right knee on - Chen: Yes? [Laughter.]
- Dylan's foot.
- Dylan's foot.
- Johnson: Yes.
- Zapcic: Good, buddy.
- There you go.
- [Laughter.]
Flanagan: I don't care how this looks.
I ain't losin'.
Johnson: No matter what, Walt, you already lost.
[ Playful music.]
Seller: Right knee on Kelly's shoulder.
Zapcic: Ming, left hand on Steve's face.
[Laughter.]
- Whoa! - Flanagan: Oh, I think he fell! [Indistinct shouting.]
- Winner! - Wooh! - He pushed me! He pushed me! - Flanagan: What are you talkin' about? You moved your crotch into my crotch or something.
You pushed me.
[Low-pitched, slow-motion shouting.]
- You cheated.
- You lost.
- It was a good game, man.
It was a good game.
- Seller: Two out of three? - No, I'm done.
- Hey, come on! Let's go.
Two out of three! - Boom.
"ALF" number 48.
- Flanagan: Oh, my God.
Seller: Recalled cover from Marvel.
Flanagan: I think I see why it was recalled.
I was just wonderin' if it would be possible to get a photo will all of us wearing the Billy Batson shirt? [ Upbeat music.]
- Aw! - I'm ready for the pajama party! [Laughter.]
Look how great you look! Do I look like a superhero now? Who else is rockin' these? Do you think he'll appreciate, you know, us wearing the Billy Batson shirt in his honor? I mean, there are few things in life that are as defining as someone wearing a shirt that you wore in a show 40 years ago.
[Laughter.]
All right, he should be here any minute, so let's look natural.
- In these? - [Laughter.]
[ Rock music.]
- Hey, guys.
- Flanagan: Hey.
So, I want to introduce you to my friend Michael Gray.
What's with the shirts? Whoa.
In honor of Mr.
Gray.
- Yes.
- I guess you guys were expecting me.
Yeah.
I-I-I'm sorry.
I asked these guys to play it cool.
C-come on! I'm sure you're happy to talk to people whose shirts aren't as tight as his, right? [Laughter.]
It's a little tight.
I told you not to embarrass me.
What-what was with the shirts? I didn't think that would embarrass you.
It-it did.
It's payin' homage, to the man, you know, the myth.
I wanted him to know that we weren't just fly-by-night fans.
We were hardcore Billy Batson "Shazam!" fans.
They're very excited to meet you, obviously, but Cool, my pleasure.
You guys look great.
- I am a huge fan, Mr.
Gray.
- Thank you.
It is an honor to have you at the Stash today.
"Shazam!", I mean, it was a part of my Saturday mornings - for so many years, um - Me too.
But, I mean, as comic book lovers, for us to get an opportunity to read the Captain Marvel comic book, and then be able to turn on a television set and see, live action, Captain Marvel.
It was amazing.
We really did bring comic books to life back then.
When I was doing personal appearances, I would literally have kids come up to me, and sometimes adults, which is a little scary, and say, "Can you fly around the convention center?" And you have to answer honestly.
I said, "Well, my cape is at the cleaners, I really can't yell 'Shazam' and do it.
" [Laughter.]
It was fun, but I wasn't gonna burst their bubble.
Yeah, you got two of those delusional adults right here.
But these delusional adults are what kept us on the air.
You're going to a comic con thinking people wanna see you.
Who's delusional? [Laughter.]
It was, for all intents and purposes, a comic book show, so, on Saturday morning, to have a show that was directly focused at the comic book fan, you're like, "Hey, this is Captain Marvel!" You know Shazam! Your dad knows Shazam, as well.
But why do you think Shazam never captured the imagination of children like Superman or Batman did? I think it may be because he doesn't have a great rogues gallery.
'Cause if you remember, Shazam's greatest villain is an inchworm.
- Smith: That's right, Mr.
Mind, right? - Flanagan: That's right.
Smith: That's true.
He's always fightin' - an inchworm with an A.
M.
/F.
M.
radio around his neck.
- [Laughter.]
Yeah, Batman's like, "I got The Joker.
" Superman's like, "I got Lex Luthor.
" Shazam's like, "Did you guys see that bug - with a radio around its neck?" - [Laughter.]
Flanagan: Every kid who grew up watching that show - Yeah.
- wanted to be Billy Batson.
I mean, I wanted to have the Billy Batson hairdo.
I d-I couldn't pull it off, but I wanted that hair! That was the teenage idol look.
That's how it got me in the magazines, too.
The kids love the long hair.
The TV show created a monster, basically.
I'm on all the covers of these magazines.
It got to the point where I couldn't go anywhere.
People were outside waiting for me.
I went to an Osmond Brothers concert once, kids were pullin' my hair, they're pullin ' my shirt, and I thought, "This might not be a good idea.
" I'm-I'm sorry about pulling your hair.
I knew you looked familiar! [Laughter.]
I mean, can we can we please get going now? [Stammering.]
We don't wanna keep the fans waiting.
I'm not sure if I wanna go now.
- [Laughter.]
- See? Huh? C'mon, are you done with all your stupid questions? Uh-uh-uh, there is just one more thing.
I was just wonderin' if it would be possible to get a photo with all of us wearing the Billy Batson shirt.
I'd be glad to put it on.
Do you have another one? - I - Mike, take your shirt off.
[Laughter.]
- I just happen to have an extra Billy Batson shirt - Oh.
for you and for you! - Oh, my Lord.
- [Laughter.]
Oh, this just went south.
Chen: I-I told you not to embarrass me! What the hell? It puts the shirt on or it gets the hose again.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: So, when's the last time you wore the Billy Batson ensemble? 42 years ago, I think.
- [Chuckles.]
- Really? This is like Fonzie wearing a leather jacket again.
- Exactly.
- This is like Laverne putting the L back on again.
- Same thing.
"'Ey, look at this.
" You know? - Oh! Chen: All right.
You guys ready? - Flanagan: Yeah, yeah.
- All right.
Flanagan: Come on.
Three, two, one.
[All.]
Shazam! Oh! I can't thank you enough for comin' down here today.
- It's been a honor.
- My pleasure.
Thanks.
So, you guys are gonna wear the shirts to the con? I think we look pretty good.
- Think I might get recognized? - No.
- Thanks, man.
Let's go.
- Okay.
Ming, check this out.
What do you see here? Zapcic: It was five feet away and he started to giggle.
If you guys could have one theme song to be your official song, when you wake up in the morning, [Snaps fingers.]
it's playing, which song would you choose? Uh, I'd go with, uh, Journey, "Don't Stop Believin'.
" You know, no matter how bad things might go, don't stop believin'.
- Why did you start to begin with? - [Laughter.]
I mean, have you looked in a mirror? Okay, what do you got? A little Wagner? A little, uh, "Ride of the Valkyries"? Okay, little anti-Semitic composer.
Go ahead.
[Laughter.]
What do you got, Mike? I want the theme to "Fat Albert.
" What about that song about the-the Junkyard Gang applies to you? - Yeah, how does it apply to you?! - Yeah! - Flanagan: A white middle-aged dude - Chen: Yeah.
who works at a comic book store.
- What - Hey, hey, hey! It's skinny Mike! [Laughter.]
[ Rock music.]
Chen: Which would you rather do, live for five years as a superhero, and then die, or have immortality? That's easy.
Immortality.
All right, but you could be a superhero.
You could-you could save lives, uh, change destinies.
You could affect a lot of people in five years.
Not changin' my answer.
Still, immortality.
Immortality sounds like no fun.
I mean, because are you in Is he in this shape right now? Let's say he doesn't age.
Johnson: You complain constantly about aches and pains.
That's it forever.
Why don't you just be a superhero? Flanagan: No.
What is it that you're gonna do in those five years that's gonna make a difference to anybody? There's always crime happening around the world.
So are you choosing to be a superhero for five years and then die at the at the end of the fifth year? The-the good I can do in those five years is-is worth it to me.
What about you? What're you doin'? I'm bein' the-the hero for five years, so I can't wait 'til all you guys on the, uh, four year, 364th day of being a superhero, and you realize the next day you're dyin', and it's not gonna be very becoming as you blubber and cry knowing that you're lived your last day on this planet.
Meanwhile, in the year, like, 3017, he's like "Do you want a bag with those comics?" [Laughter.]
[ Funky music.]
- Flanagan: How you doin'? - Pretty good.
What can we do for you today? I, uh, got a little somethin' that I think you guys might be interested in.
Boom.
"ALF" number 48.
Recalled cover from Marvel back in December of '91.
Flanagan: Oh.
I think I see why it was recalled.
Huh? Oh, my God, yes.
Hey Ming, check this out.
What do you see here? [Laughter.]
Zapcic: He was five feet away and he started to giggle.
- This actually came out? - Yep.
Came out in, uh, December of '91.
Flanagan: What's it say? What is ALF saying on the cover? Chen: He's saying, "So hurry up already.
" [Laughter.]
You would think that the seal would be saying it, not ALF, right? [Laughter.]
Were you a fan of the show when you were younger? When I was a little kid, yeah.
That show was awesome.
- I hated ALF.
- The show was huge.
- I mean, had a cartoon - Seller: Yeah, yeah.
commercials, ALF had a talkshow at one point.
You know what? Y-you're right.
He was a phenomenon.
Chen: I loved the TV show, but I was never compelled to collect the comic.
I mean, I-If I saw this [Laughter.]
You woulda gotten a subscription? I mean, he's trapped on this Earth.
There's no other lifeforms of his kind to, uh, you know, procreate with, so Your theory is he's trying to have a baby? [Laughter.]
I think you're projecting onto ALF.
I think you sat there and once said to yourself, "If all the humans were gone, what would I have sex with?" - [Laughter.]
- An ALF or a seal.
Johnson: Do you think the artist knows what he's done, right? Flanagan: They probably were like, you know, showin' other artists and seein' - Like him, like, "Hahahaha!" - Yeah, exactly.
[Laughter.]
The editors had to have seen this, and someone signed off on it before it went to print.
Flanagan: Though, most kids, their minds aren't in the gutter.
Some, like, you know, goofball like him sees it, thinks it's so funny Don't get me wrong.
There is a market for recalled comic books.
You gotta have someone who's coming in looking for this.
I own a store, uh, up in Montclair, New Jersey, called East Side Mags, so Flanagan: You own a shop yourself.
- Seller: Yeah.
- Haven't been able to flip it either, huh? No, I just figured to shop to shop.
Maybe you guys'd have some better luck than I did.
[Groans.]
Do we really wanna be known as that store? That seedy store down the corner that parents don't let their kids in? The one his is apparently known as? [Laughter.]
All right, man, I'd have to just decline, and-and, you know Well, I wish you the best, though, movin' it, though.
Well, I'll tell you what.
Since Ming seems so interested in it, there you go, bud, for you, as a gift, from us at East Side Mags.
- This is for free? - Yeah, man.
Add it to your collection, take it home, love it, - enjoy it, cuddle with it.
- Chen: Are you sure? Well Don't do that, but I assure you I won't do that.
- Have a great time.
- Thanks, man! - No problem.
- I appreciate it.
- Any time.
- Thanks, man.
No, my pleasure, guys.
Have a great day.
- All right.
- Thanks.
- Take it easy.
- See ya later.
How much ya gonna put it on the wall for? - Oh, no.
- [Laughter.]
And just like the crackle of lightning, holy moly, the show's over, man.
For "Comic Book Men" I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Just like the Captain, always be full of marvel, kids.
Good night.