Last Man Standing s07e12 Episode Script

- Hey! - Oh! - Is that baked ziti? - Yeah.
Hope that's for us and not that crybaby widower from church.
No, it's for us, but I will let sweet Mr.
Nelson know you are sorry for his loss.
(Chuckles) (Mike grunts) This looks great.
Well, whatever you tell him, just this stays here.
Well, this is for our romantic weekend at the cabin.
- Yeah.
- It's a little something I like to call "Sex and the Ziti.
" Oh.
You gonna do the puns all weekend, huh? Oh, yeah, it's "pastable.
" (Laughs) - I'm looking forward to this.
- Mmm.
Me, too.
(Gags) Parental displays of affection.
Gross.
Surprised you guys are still going to the cabin with Eve coming home for the weekend.
- What? No, Eve's not coming home.
- Not this weekend.
Uh, yes, she is.
She posted about it.
Uh, "After another perfect week at the Academy, "heading home for some R&R with fam.
Hashtag work hard play hard.
Hashtag best life.
" Give me.
Look at this.
This is weird.
She's even posted a picture of that basketball game - I took her to last weekend.
- Let me see.
Oh.
"Loving life with Dad at the Falcons game.
Hashtag family.
Hashtag best life.
" Ugh.
She leans pretty hard - on that "best life" thing.
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's weird 'cause we really didn't have that good a time at the basketball game.
Yeah, duh, she wouldn't actually post that.
You may know about "rack-and-onion steering," but you have a lot to learn about social media.
Look, I don't drive a vegetable, I drive a car.
Rack-and-pinion steering.
(Laughs) Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.
You know, I remember, when you came back from that game, you said something seemed off with Eve.
I couldn't get any information out of her.
The best fun I had at that thing was eating those three churros.
Three? You said it was four.
Okay, it was Actually, uh, five.
But like Olympic scoring, I-I-I take out the high and the low, so - it was three.
- (Door slams) (Groans) - Hey.
- Oh.
Hey.
I didn't know you guys would still be here.
And we didn't know you'd be coming here.
Look at us not knowing what's going on with each other.
- Huh.
- You, uh, you all right? Yeah, um, I'm gonna go take a nap.
Have fun at the cabin.
Oh, you're right.
She's, uh, she's not saying anything.
Nope.
Now I see why you ate five churros.
It was, uh, actually six.
If you, if you can eat five in a row, they'll give you one free.
- Morning.
- Hey, good morning.
- Where are you guys headed? - Outdoor Man.
I'm going to shadow Kyle for a school assignment.
I am so excited.
Yeah.
Who knew a shadow could be so fun.
Not just a demon who follows you on the ground when the sun is out.
All right, go.
Have fun.
Bye, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
Hey, hold on there for a second.
- Huh? - Come-come talk to me.
Uh Dad, a little help? I already gave it a shot.
You two are on your own.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Here you go.
Now that it's just us gals, let's get ready to talk about some feelings.
Well, I was feeling thirsty, so I went to the kitchen for some water, and now I'm feeling like I want to turn the experience into a novel.
No.
No, no.
Come on.
You seem kind of down.
And-and then you just come home like this out of the blue.
Mm, can't a girl just come home? Well, sure, but you don't.
Okay, this is why I wanted to come home while you two were gone.
You just try to dig into my problems.
But, so there's a problem? Talk to me.
What is it? - No, there's not - Let me try to help.
There's not a problem, and if there was, I-I don't have to share every little thing in my life with my parents.
How'd that go? I don't have to share every little thing she tells me with you.
All right, we'll start in Mr.
B's office.
I usually like to pop in and say, "Howdy-do," and he says, "Get out, Kyle.
" And then the day begins.
This is so professional.
Should I call you Mr.
Anderson? Oh, please, Mr.
Anderson was my father.
Except when he was running a horse doping scam out of Nashville.
Then he was just Bobby Syringe.
So, should we move to the sales floor? Uh, Kyle, I know you're super important around here.
I like you.
Young people get me.
But because you're so busy, I don't want to get in your way, so I'll just set up over here, and you have a great day.
Set up? What are you talking about? Don't worry.
I brought enough books to keep me occupied for the day.
Oh, also, could you sign this for my teacher? Uh, but this says that we spent the whole day learning about the retail business.
Kyle when you started in Human Resources, what did you study? Oh, the HR manual, cover to cover.
Including the covers.
Right, and wouldn't it have been weird if they made you study engineering? Uh, yeah, I guess.
Although, I do love trains.
(Chuckles) So you agree it's a waste of time for me to learn about something I am never going to do.
Maybe, uh, but unless you shadow me, it just doesn't feel right to sign this.
I understand.
Totally unrelated, could I get your autograph? Hey, what's up? Oh, nothing, just hanging out.
Want to join me? Yeah.
- Hey, guys.
- Mmm.
Hey, Kristin.
- Hey, Boyd.
Hey, Ryan.
- Oh.
No, uh, they're not with me.
Where are they? They are on their way to Canada, so I thought I'd come over and spend some quality time - with my little sisters.
- Oh, cool, have a seat.
Uh, how's the Academy going, Eve? - Oh, you tell me.
- (Phone chimes) Oh, my God, you're covered in mud.
Yeah, we just finished an obstacle course.
I took first place.
Okay, so when you rinsed it off, was your skin smoother? I've been considering that.
(Coughs) Guys, look, your sister's here.
Hey, Mom.
Hey, Dad.
Just me.
(Laughs) Do you guys follow The Real Megan? Oh, yes.
She's blowing up right now.
Oh, my God, look at how cute her dog is.
Oh, so cute.
Listen, you know, you guys are in the same room.
You don't need to bounce signals off satellites.
(Phone chimes) You're right, that's so Dad.
- Kris showed up with her phone.
- Oh, good.
Maybe Eve will tell her sisters what's going on.
Not unless Megan's dog has it written on its hoodie.
All right, well, I got everything packed up for the cabin.
Uh, can you think of anything else we might need? As a matter of fact, three things.
- Yeah.
- Ding one, ding two, and ding three.
Hey, listen, guys, uh, we're gonna head to the cabin.
- Does anybody else want to go with us? - Mandy: Uh, no thanks.
I was gonna get tapas with my friends.
We like to pretend the little plates are normal-sized and we're giants.
Yeah, uh, Ryan and Boyd are in Canada, so I'm gonna do absolutely nothing.
(Chuckles) Believe me, when you have a husband and a 12-year-old boy, doing nothing is everything.
Yeah, if they're not going, I'm not going.
I'm quiet, and you guys are not discreet.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, no, we get it, we get it.
I mean, your dad and I go there to unplug, enjoy nature, and, you know, I guess you guys just aren't into that.
Yeah, you can't leave your little toys.
What is that supposed to mean? We don't mean it as an insult.
It's just that, uh, you know, studies have shown that your generation just can't live without your little gadgets.
(Laughs) Studies have shown that your generation ruined the environment.
Yeah, and, you know, we-we love our gadgets, but we don't need them.
They're like parents.
If you don't need them, prove it.
- Yeah.
- Come to the cabin with us.
Hey, hey, hey, I don't need to miss out on tiny tapas just to prove something to you I already know.
How about I make it more interesting? You guys come to the cabin this weekend, I'll pay each one of you 500 bucks.
Keep talking.
- Under one condition.
- Stop talking.
You come to the cabin with us and you don't look at your screens for the whole weekend.
Piece of cake.
I'm a disciplined member of this country's armed services, and I'm broke.
Yeah, and I'm telling Boyd to put down his phone all the time.
I'm not crazy enough to offer him 500 bucks, but since you are Mandy? Yeah, I'm in.
I'm just getting it out of my system.
Just to be clear, any one of you break, the deal is done, okay? Deal.
But we don't take Mandy.
Kristin: Yeah, no.
- What? - All right, fine, fine.
I'll turn it off.
Uh, I don't have any idea how to do that.
- (Knocks) - Hey, Mr.
Alzate.
I'm busy, Kyle.
Make it quick.
Oh, uh, okay, uh, you know, I don't need to bother you, then.
No, come in, come in.
I'm not busy.
Come in.
It just seemed rude to say, "Make it quick," without saying, "I'm busy," that's all.
What's up? What's up? Okay, um (Clears throat) If you know someone is using you to get away with something, and you know what they're doing is wrong, but they're not a bad person Sooner or later you have to finish a sentence, Kyle.
Uh, yeah, right, okay.
So, you know, Jen is supposed to be shadowing me, but she isn't, and now she wants me to sign a piece of paper that says she did.
You don't have to sign it.
You don't have to sign that.
(Sighs) Thank you.
It just felt wrong.
- I signed it.
- What? She came in with a piece of paper yakety-yak asked me to sign it yakety-yak I did.
Well, did you even read it? I didn't have to.
She's a nice kid.
I had a pen.
It all worked out.
So, what-what's your problem? That she's getting credit for something she didn't do.
Come on, now.
Come on.
That happens all the time.
What, you think George Foreman invented that grill? Huh? The man got punched in the head by Muhammad Ali.
- (Chuckles) - It just seems wrong, you know.
- That's all.
- All right, look at it this way.
- She's here to learn about America, right? - Yes.
What's more American than gaming the system? - I guess, but it kind of feels like she should have -(Chuckles) (Rapid clicking) Do you have to click that pen?! Is it making it hard for you to look at the pictures? Kristin: Guys, don't snap at each other.
We are here to relax.
Hey, hey.
Hi.
You girls having fun together? - Oh, yeah, best time ever.
- Yeah.
Oh.
-Yeah, fine.
So, uh, how you doing without your, without your phones? - Oh, easy.
- So -No problem.
- Killing it.
- Good, good.
- Yeah.
- Well, good.
Enjoy yourselves.
(Eve sighs) Did you just hear her? I can't believe those two thought we wouldn't be able to last the weekend - without our phones.
- Yeah.
(Chuckles) This is gonna be the easiest money I have ever made.
And I once played poker with Kyle.
Yeah, it's so easy.
Yes, who needs their stupid phones? You know, the stereotype that our generation is always glued to our phones, our devices, it's so ridiculous.
You know what it is? It's ageist.
Yeah, it's just like old people to be ageist.
Where are you going? I was just gonna clear my mind, get some fresh air, read the newspaper.
- Give me that.
Give me.
- No.
What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm just gonna relax - and read the local obituaries.
- Give me that.
Give me that.
(Eve gasps, Kristin shouts) - R-Really, Mandy? - You almost cost me 500 bucks.
It's not worth it.
I'm in hell.
It's been 20 minutes.
Well, how would I know that? I don't have my phone.
- Whoa.
Hey.
- Wait, no, no, no.
G-Give me.
- Hey! Hey! Hey! - Give me your Get it together, Mandy! You are better than this.
EVE: Hey.
- Hit her again! - Don't.
No, no, no, no, no! Okay.
Okay.
Look.
(Panting) I'm sorry.
Got a little crazy there.
Whew.
- Just relax.
- (Kristin sighs) Let's just go back to what we were doing originally.
Yeah.
We can do this, guys, if we just stick together.
Okay? Yeah.
Fine.
Yeah.
I'll just, uh, do what people did in the "olden days.
" Stare at the ceiling till I die.
Come on.
This will just take a second.
(Speaking Mandarin) Okay, I don't know what any of that means, but I bet a few of them were curse words.
Well, I counted three.
What's up? - All right, I've made a decision.
- Hmm.
Jen's assignment was to shadow a representative of Outdoor Man.
- ED: Mm-hmm.
- And that's exactly what she's gonna do.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, come on, man.
Mr.
Alzate, you're the boss.
Can't you just fire him? You just follow him around for a few hours.
You might learn a few things.
What's the harm? Well, as much as I would love to show Jen around, which would've been fun that's right, there were prizes hidden everywhere I can't, because I'm not the one who signed the paper.
Watch yourself.
So, Mr.
Alzate will be your shadow, uh, caster or maker no, your-your shadow guy.
I thought you would be cool about this.
Oh, I am cool.
But you know what's not cool? Lying.
And the person who taught me everything taught me that a man is only as good as his word.
Well, I have certainly learned a lesson, and I can't imagine learning any more than I already have today.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Jen, just one small thing before-before you go.
Uh, uh (Clears throat) Brick-and-mortar retail has long been the heartbeat of this country's commerce.
Now, you might want to take some notes here.
All right, rugged merchants had set up posts up and down the rivers and byways of this country, right? What are you thinking about, Mandy? Philosophy.
If you look perfect in the woods, and can't post a picture, does it even matter? Are you doing okay, Eve? Yeah.
You? No.
It hurts.
Yeah, that's good, 'cause I was lying.
I've been feeling phantom buzzes in my pocket for the past two hours.
I say we give up, guys.
Let's just admit Dad was right.
We should have realized he would only offer to pay us for something he knew we couldn't do.
(Sighs) Dad? I just hope the world is still there when we try to reconnect to it.
Yeah? Hey.
Why do I get the idea I'm about to save me some money? Oh, good.
We thought you would rub it in.
(Sighs) I want to see pictures of my kid, okay? And slingshot birds into pigs.
Yeah, you win, Dad.
So let's just say we-we get our phones, and, how about, uh, like, 200 each, and let's end this.
Okay.
To be honest with you, you guys lasted longer than I thought you would.
Here you go.
Well, you were right, and we all know how happy that makes you.
You know what'd actually make me happy? If my kids would talk to each other if one of them was going through something.
But being right is clearly always a thrill.
- That was weird.
- Hmm.
"Going through something"? Anyone know what he's talking about? O-Okay, fine.
He was talking about me.
You? Uh, no, I don't think so, Mandy.
Yes, it was me.
(Sighs) When you came home, he asked if I had talked to you.
I've been having some trouble with my business lately, and he knows that talking to you makes me feel more confident.
Well, I love hearing that I'm helpful to you, but I don't think it was you that he was talking about.
(Kristin sighs) It wasn't.
It was me.
What? You? Kristin, there are days I wish I was you.
Except for the Ryan part.
You're a kick-ass woman.
Yeah, well, most days, it feels like my ass is the one getting kicked.
(Chuckles) And when I talk to Dad about it at work, he just says, "You know, you should really let your sisters in on this.
" And he's right.
You're lucky to be down at the Academy.
- You miss all this drama.
- (Kristin chuckles) Actually, I don't.
There's plenty of stuff that goes on down there.
And that's why Dad was talking about me.
- You? - Like what? W-What's going on? (Sighs) Well, I came home this weekend because I didn't want to sit in my dorm room again alone on a Friday night.
Well, then you should start dating.
Ooh.
Yeah.
You would think, the three to one male-to-female ratio, I could meet a guy.
(Chuckles) Honey, do you know how incredible you are? How strong? It is gonna take one hell of a confident man to stand alongside that.
But I promise you, he's out there somewhere.
- And he is frickin' hot.
- (Kristin chuckles) (Chuckles) Ah, look at us, talking like sisters.
Yeah.
Turns out, there's actually plenty to talk about.
Yeah, it's great.
Oh, I just realized something.
I think we still get the $500.
Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man, coming to you over your favorite device, whether it be a smartphone, laptop, tablet, or even a watch.
Marshall McLuhan once said, "We shape our tools, and thereafter, our tools shape us.
" These days, our tools are bending us into this shape.
I call it the millennial.
Just look at this slouch right here.
"How you doing? "Oh, God, look at that.
Is that the sun? "I ca I can't see.
I'll just Google the sun.
I'll see it there.
" Look, I'm not bashing technology.
I mean, I'd bash it if I worked at a library, but technology has given us unlimited means to stay in contact with each other.
Look at that.
Texting my brother right there.
"Go Broncos," with a turd emoji.
Yeah.
It's also a great way to learn stuff.
You can go to YouTube and find a how-to video to learn how to recover something you swallowed.
The key is just be patient.
It'll all come out in the end.
That's it.
Anyway, the problem is when this is the only way to stay in touch, because nothing replaces a conversation with real people, a real experience.
At Outdoor Man, we don't sell virtual tents so you can go virtual camping.
With virtual camping, you might not get eaten by mosquitos, but you won't get the peace that comes with being outside.
We want you to take the time to occasionally put down your device, pick up some bug spray, go sit around a campfire with someone you care about, swat your arm, and just talk.
Now, Marshall McLuhan also said, "I don't necessarily agree with everything I said.
" This is where he and I differ.
Go Broncos.
Baxter out.