Bewitched (1964) s07e14 Episode Script
Mother-in-Law of the Year
"Wanted: contented secretary.
"Money no object.
Reward: a box of Bobbins Bonbons.
" "Bobbins Bonbons?" That was Mr.
Bobbins' contribution.
Oh.
Hm-hm.
Well, I think it's a great idea.
We're also gonna work it into his television show.
Good morning, Samantha.
How nice to be alone with you for a change.
Mother, don't look now Abut that's Darrin standing in front of you.
Oh? Oh! Ha-ha.
One-dimensional objects tend to disappear into the background.
She's a laugh a second.
Uh, just relax, sweetheart.
I'll do better than that.
I'll go.
Good luck on the Bobbins account.
He'll need it.
What's that supposed to mean? Would you like to hear an absolutely brilliant idea that just occurred to me? Since you asked, no.
Giving secretaries candy is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard.
Now, this is my idea.
I have observed the mortal custom of giving a box of candy to mothers on Mother's Day.
Now, why not do the same thing on Mother-In-Law's Day? Because there is no such thing as Mother-In-Law's Day.
Well, start a fad.
That makes as much sense as saying, if we celebrate Washington's birthday why not Benedict Arnold's? And thanks to you, ladies and gentlemen, for tuning us in.
We'll see you again tomorrow Oh.
Bobbins' Sweetheart Parade is a good show, right, Tate? Right.
It's got a lot of class.
And it gets good ratings, right? Over 37 percent of the audience.
Okay.
So the show is good, it gets good ratings, but Bobbins Candies are not selling.
Which means I picked a good television program, but you guys come up with lousy commercials.
In all fairness, Mr.
Bobbins, I'm sure-- And don't blame my candies.
You guys should come up with commercials that make people want to buy Bobbins Candy, whether they like it or not.
Mr.
Stephens is my top man, and I'm sure he's doing his level best to come up with-- Where is Stephens? Or aren't geniuses supposed to be on time? Uh, I'm sure he'll be here any minute, Mr.
Bobbins.
It's still a little early.
As far as progress is concerned, I'd say he's a little late.
Say, that's very good.
You do have a way with phrases.
Good morning, Mr.
Bobbins.
You're late.
I thought I was five minutes early.
Wasn't the meeting scheduled--? It's just a joke, Darrin.
What Mr.
Bobbins means is it's late for him to be getting ideas, which should be-- How did that go again? Forget it.
Tate tells me you've finally come up with an idea that's workable.
Yes.
And I, uh, hope you'll share my enthusiasm.
We all hope so.
We know that Bobbins already occupies a unique position in the confectionary world.
So it's been quite a challenge to come up with an arresting ad campaign.
I hope you're leading up to something.
I hear more harebrained ideas.
Do you know what my nephew came up with yesterday? Listen to this: "Buy your secretary a box of Bobbins Candies.
" Did you ever hear a worse idea? Oh, well, my nephew is my problem.
You were saying? I was? Oh, yes.
I, uh-- Well, here goes.
Sprig of myrtle Dash of lime Let the spell begin At the sound of chime Pinch of basil Splash of wine The voice will be dum-dum's The idea will be mine Well, go on.
Go on.
Oh, yes.
Well, uh, the idea I had was-- What's the matter with him? Well, you know these creative geniuses.
Very high-strung.
Ha.
Go on, go on.
That Bobbins create a national Mother-In-Law's Day and on that date, remind everyone to honor their mother-in-law with a box of Bobbins Candy.
A Mother-In-Law's Day.
Darrin, I think from now on, it will be necessary for us to collaborate a little more closely.
That is a sensational idea.
Like we did on this idea.
A national Mother-In-Law's Day.
This was worth waiting for.
Just how do we do it? Why, we Tell him, Darrin.
You're pitching.
Mr.
Bobbins, you just put your finger right on the reason that this idea does not work.
What? Stephens is obviously suffering from overwork.
Uh, the point is, uh, we can't create a national Mother's-In-Law Day.
I mean, it would take a-- An act of Congress legislation, et cetera, et cetera.
So why don't we just forget it? Forget it? I like it! But it's my idea, and you can't have it.
Why is it all these creative geniuses have a screw loose? Larry's been phoning all afternoon.
He wanted you to call him as s-- Uh-oh.
You struck out, huh? On the contrary.
I knocked the ball clear out of the park.
Mr.
Bobbins liked the idea about the secretary? He hated it.
What he loved was my idea about Mother-In-Law's Day.
Your idea? That was zapped into my head by your mother, who was playing her usual game of dirty pool.
Well, sweetheart, w-why are you so upset? I-I mean, even if she did do it, it was only to help you.
Which, apparently, she did.
Who asked her for help? Uh, Darrin, will you stop being so irrational? I will if you'll stop being so logical.
Where were you all afternoon? I was in the park, wrestling with my conscience.
I-I realize you must have a-- A little conflict about using Mother's idea, but-- Not a little conflict.
A great, big one.
What are you gonna do? I'm gonna answer the door.
And then work on it.
Mother? Yoo-hoo, Mother.
I'd like to have a little chat with you.
About what, dear? Dirty work at the crossroads.
Yours.
Come on in.
We've solved your problem, my boy.
Tell him, Tate.
It was your idea.
Okay.
Darrin, we found a way to-- We found a perfect way to make your Mother-In-Law's Day work.
Since we can't create a Mother-In-Law's Day, Bobbins Candy will create the Mother-In-Law of the Year.
Tell him how.
What we're going to do is find-- Find a suitable model and present her as Bobbins' Mother-In-Law of the Year.
Tell him where we're gonna make the announcement.
Heh.
Where else? On the Bobbins'-- Bobbins' candy show, Sweetheart Parade.
Uh, that's really a great idea.
Great idea? It's a stroke of genius.
And you can thank Tate for it.
Thank you, Tate.
Once and for all, I want you to stop meddling in his affairs.
Mother-In-Law of the Year.
What a wonderful idea.
How you gonna find her? That's what I pay these fellows for.
My job is to make a better bonbon.
Spiders and bunnies That hippity-hop When my name Is mentioned Bobbins' heart will Flippity-flop Mercy.
I never dreamed you had guests.
Well, I'll just run right along.
Well, if you have to run right along, you have to.
Ah, Mother.
Hm? You remember Larry, of course.
Oh, yes.
Nice to see you again.
A-and this is Mr.
Bobbins.
How do you do? Uh-heh-- Don't let us keep you, Endora.
Endora.
What a beautiful name.
Now I know how you got your idea for Mother-In-Law's Day.
It's obvious this lovely and charming lady inspired you.
Didn't she? You could say that.
And you wouldn't be wrong.
There's something I've got to say.
Yes, Mr.
Bobbins? Please, call me Bernard.
I want you for Bobbins' Mother-In-Law of the Year.
Me? Little me? Oh.
Oh, I'm so flustered, I-- I-- I don't know what to say.
How about a short, pithy nonacceptance speech? Why, Sam? She's a natural.
Endora, you know you don't have time for-- Time--? Oh, I didn't realize it was so late.
Will you be a dear and call a cab for me? A cab? Not bloody likely.
I'll be happy to personally drive you to the ends of the earth.
I'll be glad to drive her even farther, if necessary.
Come, dear.
Ta-ta, sweets.
M-M-Mother? Nice meeting you, Mrs.
Stephens.
Yes.
Mother.
Uh, since we came in the same car, I'd better be going too.
See you tomorrow, Darrin.
Ciao, Sam.
Oh, he's just dropping me off at my place.
It's-- It's just right down-- Bye, Sam.
Darrin.
Heh.
Sam what evil do you suppose lurks in the mind of your mother? Darrin maybe she doesn't have an ulterior motive.
M-maybe she really is trying to help.
It doesn't make sense.
Why would she suddenly turn her back on everything she stands for and do something nice? Darrin, you are talking about my mother.
I admire your loyalty.
But do you really believe, sincerely, in your heart and soul that your mother has my best interests in mind? Would you rephrase that, please? I'd like to be able to answer without lying.
Sam.
Well I know, I know.
You're right.
Thanks for your cooperation, Marvin.
Uh, Larry, this whole thing with Sam's mother.
Sam and I have been discussing it, and, well, it's not feasible.
What are you talking about? Oh, I'm not gonna let you use my idea without taking full advantage of its potential.
Darrin, are you out of your tree? Your secretary said to come right in.
Mr.
Bobbins.
Heh.
Stephens and I were just buttoning up a few loose ends.
Good morning, Stephens.
May I call you Durwood? No.
What? My name is Darrin.
Oh.
I thought Endora said that-- Yes, she has a hard time remembering my name.
Ah.
Uh, Mr.
Bobbins-- She was kind enough to accept my invitation to dinner.
I tell you, she's really an enchanting woman.
Uh, Mr.
Bobbins, for reasons I won't go into I'm asking you to cancel the whole mother-in-law campaign.
He's rambling.
It always happens around this time of the year.
You know.
It's his hay fever.
Ha-ha.
Mr.
Bobbins has already set the wheels in motion.
We've decided that Endora will be crowned Mother-In-Law of the Year on The Sweetheart Parade tomorrow.
Tomorrow? That's right.
Ah, Mr.
Bobbins, y-you don't know the real Endora.
Um, she's very shy.
Neurotically so.
Once she sees the audience, the cameras, she'll fall apart.
Look, I know what you're concerned about.
You think if she comes off badly, it will reflect on you.
Don't worry about it.
And one thing more.
I had a lovely evening with her, and I can tell you something: She is not shy.
Sam, why did you let me sleep so late? Just look at the time.
Oh, yeah.
We're due at the studio in half an hour.
You should have awakened me.
Why? So you could worry a little longer? You didn't sleep half the night as it is.
You mean I slept half the night? It's hard to believe.
Well, now, don't worry, sweetheart.
Mother promised me.
She should be arriving just about now.
I have a rule.
I always keep my promises.
You look half dead.
I suppose half isn't good enough.
Well, it's a start.
I may deliver the other half after the television show.
What television show? What? Mother what are you doing in that ski outfit? I'll give you a hint.
I'm not going deep-sea diving.
Endora I got very little sleep last night, and I'm in no mood for jokes.
Darrin.
Yes? She's not joking.
Mother, y-you cannot do this.
I have to.
I promised Peabody I would.
You remember him.
He invented thunder.
Be right with you, Peabody.
No.
Endora, you're not gonna get away with this.
You engineered this whole thing.
You're gonna stay here and do that TV show.
Coming.
Oh.
Peabody is so impatient.
Ta-ta.
Oh, I-- Oh.
Oh.
Sweetheart, you're not gonna do anything foolish? 'Course not.
There's a simple solution.
I'll just call Larry and tell him your mother can't make it because she's sick.
And believe me, there's nobody sicker than your mother.
Darrin.
I think I have a solution that will satisfy everyone.
What? No, you won't like it.
Of course I'll like it.
I haven't heard it and I-- And I like it.
What? I could go on that television show as Endora.
Follow me? I do, and forget it.
Hello? Where the devil are you? And what's more important, where's Endora? We've got to rehearse her, you know.
And the director's having a fit.
Ah, Larry, there's a little complication.
I've got him on the phone.
They're leaving right now.
Right? Right.
Honey, as a good wife, how would you like to be my mother-in-law? How's that for service? Well.
How about a little kissy-poo? Hmm? Look, we-- We better-- There's only two minutes to air.
We'd better cut that mother-in-law spot.
Huh? Well, I-I can replace it with some other piece.
I could fill with the Bobbins Buttery Bonbon bit we did last week.
Look, I don't know, Jim.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Yeah, beautiful, baby.
Get the Buttery Bonbon bit.
Jim, you'd better look it over.
This is really unforgivable, Tate.
It's not like Stephens at all.
Oh, here they come.
Do you know the panic you caused? It's less than two minutes to air.
American beauties for the most beautiful American of them all.
Me? Why, thank you, Mr.
Bobbins.
Now, you promised not to be formal.
I mean Bernard, of course.
Mr.
Bobbins, sir, if you will excuse me, there's just no time for this.
Ma'am, do you suppose you could read your speech off cards without a rehearsal? Don't worry.
I'm sure I can handle it.
Oh, well, good.
Let's go.
And remember, there's no second chance.
Please, over here.
Kill that Buttery Bonbons bit.
We'd better get into the client's booth.
Come on, Darrin.
Camera 1, give me a head shot.
Camera 2, waist.
All right, would you just sit right down here? Here, you take these.
Oh, yes.
Now, the announcer will say, "And here she is, the Mother-In-Law of the Year.
" Music, music, music, and you're on.
Then there's a lot of applause.
Then you just read your speech off the-- Off the cards.
Cards? You'll read your speech right off these cards.
These are the cards? These-- They won't be here.
They'll be over there, where the cards are.
You can read them? Yes, I think I can.
Good.
Now, where it says on the cards, "She takes a piece of candy," you take a piece of candy.
Right--? From there.
Right from the Bobbins uh, "bonny-bonny" box.
Got it? Yes, I do.
All right, minute-30 to air.
Minute-20 to air.
Psst.
Psst.
What's going on out there, Leo? W-- Will you get her back on camera? Where is she? What's the matter? Oh, well, I-- I told you she was the nervous, shy type.
She probably got stage fright.
Mother, what are you doing here? Frankly, I resent your effrontery in trying to imitate me when, as everyone knows, I'm inimitable.
You're also a couple of other things, which I won't mention.
Leo.
Leo, can't you do something? We're 35 seconds to air.
Mother, will you get lost? I will not, Samantha.
If you insist on playing me, I will play you.
Who are you? What are you doing here? Why, uh-- Why, she's my daughter.
Yes.
I wanted to be with my mommy.
Well-- Do you realize we're a live show? We've got 20 seconds to get on the air.
Would you get out of here? Come on.
Wanted to be with your mommy.
Come on, please.
Just sit right down.
I know.
Look, now it's 20 seconds.
Read the cards.
All right, all right.
Oh, let's hope she stays there.
Yes, let's hope so.
Oh, Endora, you're too much.
Folks, we're taking a few minutes from Sweetheart Parade to pay tribute, long overdue, to a truly unsung heroine.
Bobbins Candies proudly presents the Mother-In-Law of the Year.
Thank you.
I can't tell you what a thrill it is for me to be here with you today.
As a simple, average mother-in-law, I'm especially thrilled that this honor has been accorded me, and I want to particularly thank the Bobbins Candy Company, who made this all possible.
Mmm.
And Bobbins Candies are so delicious.
And so fattening.
Uh, wh-- What happened? But only if we piggy it up.
What's your wife doing there? And what's she saying? Uh, shh.
Be quiet.
You'll make Mr.
Bobbins miss the surprise element.
But-- But-- Shut up, Tate.
I don't wanna miss the surprise.
And then somebody better explain the surprise.
Yeah.
And that somebody is you.
So a suggestion to all you sons- and daughters-in-law.
Pick up a box of Bobbins Buttery Bonbons.
If you can afford the ridiculously high prices.
Uh, naturally, Bobbins Candies cost more because only the finest, costliest ingredients are used.
I can't believe this.
You can't believe it? Shh.
A final reminder.
If you honor your mother-in-law this one day-- You can forget about her for the rest of the year.
Uh, nothing like levity to spice up a commercial.
But-- But-- You're gonna miss it.
But a mother-in-law who is forgotten the rest of the year can become very angry.
Look, uh, check your montage amplifier.
That's the part I didn't want you to miss.
Ha-ha.
But a good daughter-in-law will always remember her mother-in-law on Mother-In-Law's Day with a box of Bobbins Candies.
I, uh, had them use a special lens on that technical stuff.
Heh.
Something I read about in an electronics manual.
Why didn't you mention this before? Yeah.
Why didn't you mention this before? Well, I told you, it was designed as a surprise.
From that point of view, it was a smash.
Darrin, I suggest you have a long talk with Samantha.
And then have an even longer talk with me.
That was a disgrace.
I thought it had impact.
A disgrace with a lot of impact.
It raised some negative ideas, but it shot them down with positives.
I hope you'll forgive us for our little surprise.
Heh.
Why not? I think it was one of the most effective commercial messages I've ever seen.
You've got guts, Stephens.
Well, thank you, Mr.
Bobbins.
But, uh, I had a lot of help.
Thank you, Darrin.
your wife and mother-in-law.
Don't you want to see the rest of the show? I've seen the commercial.
That's the only part that interests me.
Camera 2 to Studio B for production number.
Sam you were terrific.
I was? Oh, uh, Mr.
Bobbins, I have a, uh, little confession to make.
The surprise element in the commercial, heh, was actually something that Samantha and her mother cooked up.
My dear girl, you and that mother of yours are to be congratulated.
Ordinarily, I don't like surprises, but this one certainly paid off.
Oh, well.
I especially liked the part where your mother-in-law turned into your wife.
Yes, that was my favorite part too.
Where's Endora? Oh, uh, I-I can't imagine.
She was here a minute ago.
I-I guess maybe she had to leave.
Not without saying goodbye? Of course not.
We'll find her.
Bye, Sam.
I don't think they'll find her.
I think she went back skiing with Mr.
Peabody.
Thanks, Mom.
Well TRANSCRIPT: adrianp55
"Money no object.
Reward: a box of Bobbins Bonbons.
" "Bobbins Bonbons?" That was Mr.
Bobbins' contribution.
Oh.
Hm-hm.
Well, I think it's a great idea.
We're also gonna work it into his television show.
Good morning, Samantha.
How nice to be alone with you for a change.
Mother, don't look now Abut that's Darrin standing in front of you.
Oh? Oh! Ha-ha.
One-dimensional objects tend to disappear into the background.
She's a laugh a second.
Uh, just relax, sweetheart.
I'll do better than that.
I'll go.
Good luck on the Bobbins account.
He'll need it.
What's that supposed to mean? Would you like to hear an absolutely brilliant idea that just occurred to me? Since you asked, no.
Giving secretaries candy is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard.
Now, this is my idea.
I have observed the mortal custom of giving a box of candy to mothers on Mother's Day.
Now, why not do the same thing on Mother-In-Law's Day? Because there is no such thing as Mother-In-Law's Day.
Well, start a fad.
That makes as much sense as saying, if we celebrate Washington's birthday why not Benedict Arnold's? And thanks to you, ladies and gentlemen, for tuning us in.
We'll see you again tomorrow Oh.
Bobbins' Sweetheart Parade is a good show, right, Tate? Right.
It's got a lot of class.
And it gets good ratings, right? Over 37 percent of the audience.
Okay.
So the show is good, it gets good ratings, but Bobbins Candies are not selling.
Which means I picked a good television program, but you guys come up with lousy commercials.
In all fairness, Mr.
Bobbins, I'm sure-- And don't blame my candies.
You guys should come up with commercials that make people want to buy Bobbins Candy, whether they like it or not.
Mr.
Stephens is my top man, and I'm sure he's doing his level best to come up with-- Where is Stephens? Or aren't geniuses supposed to be on time? Uh, I'm sure he'll be here any minute, Mr.
Bobbins.
It's still a little early.
As far as progress is concerned, I'd say he's a little late.
Say, that's very good.
You do have a way with phrases.
Good morning, Mr.
Bobbins.
You're late.
I thought I was five minutes early.
Wasn't the meeting scheduled--? It's just a joke, Darrin.
What Mr.
Bobbins means is it's late for him to be getting ideas, which should be-- How did that go again? Forget it.
Tate tells me you've finally come up with an idea that's workable.
Yes.
And I, uh, hope you'll share my enthusiasm.
We all hope so.
We know that Bobbins already occupies a unique position in the confectionary world.
So it's been quite a challenge to come up with an arresting ad campaign.
I hope you're leading up to something.
I hear more harebrained ideas.
Do you know what my nephew came up with yesterday? Listen to this: "Buy your secretary a box of Bobbins Candies.
" Did you ever hear a worse idea? Oh, well, my nephew is my problem.
You were saying? I was? Oh, yes.
I, uh-- Well, here goes.
Sprig of myrtle Dash of lime Let the spell begin At the sound of chime Pinch of basil Splash of wine The voice will be dum-dum's The idea will be mine Well, go on.
Go on.
Oh, yes.
Well, uh, the idea I had was-- What's the matter with him? Well, you know these creative geniuses.
Very high-strung.
Ha.
Go on, go on.
That Bobbins create a national Mother-In-Law's Day and on that date, remind everyone to honor their mother-in-law with a box of Bobbins Candy.
A Mother-In-Law's Day.
Darrin, I think from now on, it will be necessary for us to collaborate a little more closely.
That is a sensational idea.
Like we did on this idea.
A national Mother-In-Law's Day.
This was worth waiting for.
Just how do we do it? Why, we Tell him, Darrin.
You're pitching.
Mr.
Bobbins, you just put your finger right on the reason that this idea does not work.
What? Stephens is obviously suffering from overwork.
Uh, the point is, uh, we can't create a national Mother's-In-Law Day.
I mean, it would take a-- An act of Congress legislation, et cetera, et cetera.
So why don't we just forget it? Forget it? I like it! But it's my idea, and you can't have it.
Why is it all these creative geniuses have a screw loose? Larry's been phoning all afternoon.
He wanted you to call him as s-- Uh-oh.
You struck out, huh? On the contrary.
I knocked the ball clear out of the park.
Mr.
Bobbins liked the idea about the secretary? He hated it.
What he loved was my idea about Mother-In-Law's Day.
Your idea? That was zapped into my head by your mother, who was playing her usual game of dirty pool.
Well, sweetheart, w-why are you so upset? I-I mean, even if she did do it, it was only to help you.
Which, apparently, she did.
Who asked her for help? Uh, Darrin, will you stop being so irrational? I will if you'll stop being so logical.
Where were you all afternoon? I was in the park, wrestling with my conscience.
I-I realize you must have a-- A little conflict about using Mother's idea, but-- Not a little conflict.
A great, big one.
What are you gonna do? I'm gonna answer the door.
And then work on it.
Mother? Yoo-hoo, Mother.
I'd like to have a little chat with you.
About what, dear? Dirty work at the crossroads.
Yours.
Come on in.
We've solved your problem, my boy.
Tell him, Tate.
It was your idea.
Okay.
Darrin, we found a way to-- We found a perfect way to make your Mother-In-Law's Day work.
Since we can't create a Mother-In-Law's Day, Bobbins Candy will create the Mother-In-Law of the Year.
Tell him how.
What we're going to do is find-- Find a suitable model and present her as Bobbins' Mother-In-Law of the Year.
Tell him where we're gonna make the announcement.
Heh.
Where else? On the Bobbins'-- Bobbins' candy show, Sweetheart Parade.
Uh, that's really a great idea.
Great idea? It's a stroke of genius.
And you can thank Tate for it.
Thank you, Tate.
Once and for all, I want you to stop meddling in his affairs.
Mother-In-Law of the Year.
What a wonderful idea.
How you gonna find her? That's what I pay these fellows for.
My job is to make a better bonbon.
Spiders and bunnies That hippity-hop When my name Is mentioned Bobbins' heart will Flippity-flop Mercy.
I never dreamed you had guests.
Well, I'll just run right along.
Well, if you have to run right along, you have to.
Ah, Mother.
Hm? You remember Larry, of course.
Oh, yes.
Nice to see you again.
A-and this is Mr.
Bobbins.
How do you do? Uh-heh-- Don't let us keep you, Endora.
Endora.
What a beautiful name.
Now I know how you got your idea for Mother-In-Law's Day.
It's obvious this lovely and charming lady inspired you.
Didn't she? You could say that.
And you wouldn't be wrong.
There's something I've got to say.
Yes, Mr.
Bobbins? Please, call me Bernard.
I want you for Bobbins' Mother-In-Law of the Year.
Me? Little me? Oh.
Oh, I'm so flustered, I-- I-- I don't know what to say.
How about a short, pithy nonacceptance speech? Why, Sam? She's a natural.
Endora, you know you don't have time for-- Time--? Oh, I didn't realize it was so late.
Will you be a dear and call a cab for me? A cab? Not bloody likely.
I'll be happy to personally drive you to the ends of the earth.
I'll be glad to drive her even farther, if necessary.
Come, dear.
Ta-ta, sweets.
M-M-Mother? Nice meeting you, Mrs.
Stephens.
Yes.
Mother.
Uh, since we came in the same car, I'd better be going too.
See you tomorrow, Darrin.
Ciao, Sam.
Oh, he's just dropping me off at my place.
It's-- It's just right down-- Bye, Sam.
Darrin.
Heh.
Sam what evil do you suppose lurks in the mind of your mother? Darrin maybe she doesn't have an ulterior motive.
M-maybe she really is trying to help.
It doesn't make sense.
Why would she suddenly turn her back on everything she stands for and do something nice? Darrin, you are talking about my mother.
I admire your loyalty.
But do you really believe, sincerely, in your heart and soul that your mother has my best interests in mind? Would you rephrase that, please? I'd like to be able to answer without lying.
Sam.
Well I know, I know.
You're right.
Thanks for your cooperation, Marvin.
Uh, Larry, this whole thing with Sam's mother.
Sam and I have been discussing it, and, well, it's not feasible.
What are you talking about? Oh, I'm not gonna let you use my idea without taking full advantage of its potential.
Darrin, are you out of your tree? Your secretary said to come right in.
Mr.
Bobbins.
Heh.
Stephens and I were just buttoning up a few loose ends.
Good morning, Stephens.
May I call you Durwood? No.
What? My name is Darrin.
Oh.
I thought Endora said that-- Yes, she has a hard time remembering my name.
Ah.
Uh, Mr.
Bobbins-- She was kind enough to accept my invitation to dinner.
I tell you, she's really an enchanting woman.
Uh, Mr.
Bobbins, for reasons I won't go into I'm asking you to cancel the whole mother-in-law campaign.
He's rambling.
It always happens around this time of the year.
You know.
It's his hay fever.
Ha-ha.
Mr.
Bobbins has already set the wheels in motion.
We've decided that Endora will be crowned Mother-In-Law of the Year on The Sweetheart Parade tomorrow.
Tomorrow? That's right.
Ah, Mr.
Bobbins, y-you don't know the real Endora.
Um, she's very shy.
Neurotically so.
Once she sees the audience, the cameras, she'll fall apart.
Look, I know what you're concerned about.
You think if she comes off badly, it will reflect on you.
Don't worry about it.
And one thing more.
I had a lovely evening with her, and I can tell you something: She is not shy.
Sam, why did you let me sleep so late? Just look at the time.
Oh, yeah.
We're due at the studio in half an hour.
You should have awakened me.
Why? So you could worry a little longer? You didn't sleep half the night as it is.
You mean I slept half the night? It's hard to believe.
Well, now, don't worry, sweetheart.
Mother promised me.
She should be arriving just about now.
I have a rule.
I always keep my promises.
You look half dead.
I suppose half isn't good enough.
Well, it's a start.
I may deliver the other half after the television show.
What television show? What? Mother what are you doing in that ski outfit? I'll give you a hint.
I'm not going deep-sea diving.
Endora I got very little sleep last night, and I'm in no mood for jokes.
Darrin.
Yes? She's not joking.
Mother, y-you cannot do this.
I have to.
I promised Peabody I would.
You remember him.
He invented thunder.
Be right with you, Peabody.
No.
Endora, you're not gonna get away with this.
You engineered this whole thing.
You're gonna stay here and do that TV show.
Coming.
Oh.
Peabody is so impatient.
Ta-ta.
Oh, I-- Oh.
Oh.
Sweetheart, you're not gonna do anything foolish? 'Course not.
There's a simple solution.
I'll just call Larry and tell him your mother can't make it because she's sick.
And believe me, there's nobody sicker than your mother.
Darrin.
I think I have a solution that will satisfy everyone.
What? No, you won't like it.
Of course I'll like it.
I haven't heard it and I-- And I like it.
What? I could go on that television show as Endora.
Follow me? I do, and forget it.
Hello? Where the devil are you? And what's more important, where's Endora? We've got to rehearse her, you know.
And the director's having a fit.
Ah, Larry, there's a little complication.
I've got him on the phone.
They're leaving right now.
Right? Right.
Honey, as a good wife, how would you like to be my mother-in-law? How's that for service? Well.
How about a little kissy-poo? Hmm? Look, we-- We better-- There's only two minutes to air.
We'd better cut that mother-in-law spot.
Huh? Well, I-I can replace it with some other piece.
I could fill with the Bobbins Buttery Bonbon bit we did last week.
Look, I don't know, Jim.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Yeah, beautiful, baby.
Get the Buttery Bonbon bit.
Jim, you'd better look it over.
This is really unforgivable, Tate.
It's not like Stephens at all.
Oh, here they come.
Do you know the panic you caused? It's less than two minutes to air.
American beauties for the most beautiful American of them all.
Me? Why, thank you, Mr.
Bobbins.
Now, you promised not to be formal.
I mean Bernard, of course.
Mr.
Bobbins, sir, if you will excuse me, there's just no time for this.
Ma'am, do you suppose you could read your speech off cards without a rehearsal? Don't worry.
I'm sure I can handle it.
Oh, well, good.
Let's go.
And remember, there's no second chance.
Please, over here.
Kill that Buttery Bonbons bit.
We'd better get into the client's booth.
Come on, Darrin.
Camera 1, give me a head shot.
Camera 2, waist.
All right, would you just sit right down here? Here, you take these.
Oh, yes.
Now, the announcer will say, "And here she is, the Mother-In-Law of the Year.
" Music, music, music, and you're on.
Then there's a lot of applause.
Then you just read your speech off the-- Off the cards.
Cards? You'll read your speech right off these cards.
These are the cards? These-- They won't be here.
They'll be over there, where the cards are.
You can read them? Yes, I think I can.
Good.
Now, where it says on the cards, "She takes a piece of candy," you take a piece of candy.
Right--? From there.
Right from the Bobbins uh, "bonny-bonny" box.
Got it? Yes, I do.
All right, minute-30 to air.
Minute-20 to air.
Psst.
Psst.
What's going on out there, Leo? W-- Will you get her back on camera? Where is she? What's the matter? Oh, well, I-- I told you she was the nervous, shy type.
She probably got stage fright.
Mother, what are you doing here? Frankly, I resent your effrontery in trying to imitate me when, as everyone knows, I'm inimitable.
You're also a couple of other things, which I won't mention.
Leo.
Leo, can't you do something? We're 35 seconds to air.
Mother, will you get lost? I will not, Samantha.
If you insist on playing me, I will play you.
Who are you? What are you doing here? Why, uh-- Why, she's my daughter.
Yes.
I wanted to be with my mommy.
Well-- Do you realize we're a live show? We've got 20 seconds to get on the air.
Would you get out of here? Come on.
Wanted to be with your mommy.
Come on, please.
Just sit right down.
I know.
Look, now it's 20 seconds.
Read the cards.
All right, all right.
Oh, let's hope she stays there.
Yes, let's hope so.
Oh, Endora, you're too much.
Folks, we're taking a few minutes from Sweetheart Parade to pay tribute, long overdue, to a truly unsung heroine.
Bobbins Candies proudly presents the Mother-In-Law of the Year.
Thank you.
I can't tell you what a thrill it is for me to be here with you today.
As a simple, average mother-in-law, I'm especially thrilled that this honor has been accorded me, and I want to particularly thank the Bobbins Candy Company, who made this all possible.
Mmm.
And Bobbins Candies are so delicious.
And so fattening.
Uh, wh-- What happened? But only if we piggy it up.
What's your wife doing there? And what's she saying? Uh, shh.
Be quiet.
You'll make Mr.
Bobbins miss the surprise element.
But-- But-- Shut up, Tate.
I don't wanna miss the surprise.
And then somebody better explain the surprise.
Yeah.
And that somebody is you.
So a suggestion to all you sons- and daughters-in-law.
Pick up a box of Bobbins Buttery Bonbons.
If you can afford the ridiculously high prices.
Uh, naturally, Bobbins Candies cost more because only the finest, costliest ingredients are used.
I can't believe this.
You can't believe it? Shh.
A final reminder.
If you honor your mother-in-law this one day-- You can forget about her for the rest of the year.
Uh, nothing like levity to spice up a commercial.
But-- But-- You're gonna miss it.
But a mother-in-law who is forgotten the rest of the year can become very angry.
Look, uh, check your montage amplifier.
That's the part I didn't want you to miss.
Ha-ha.
But a good daughter-in-law will always remember her mother-in-law on Mother-In-Law's Day with a box of Bobbins Candies.
I, uh, had them use a special lens on that technical stuff.
Heh.
Something I read about in an electronics manual.
Why didn't you mention this before? Yeah.
Why didn't you mention this before? Well, I told you, it was designed as a surprise.
From that point of view, it was a smash.
Darrin, I suggest you have a long talk with Samantha.
And then have an even longer talk with me.
That was a disgrace.
I thought it had impact.
A disgrace with a lot of impact.
It raised some negative ideas, but it shot them down with positives.
I hope you'll forgive us for our little surprise.
Heh.
Why not? I think it was one of the most effective commercial messages I've ever seen.
You've got guts, Stephens.
Well, thank you, Mr.
Bobbins.
But, uh, I had a lot of help.
Thank you, Darrin.
your wife and mother-in-law.
Don't you want to see the rest of the show? I've seen the commercial.
That's the only part that interests me.
Camera 2 to Studio B for production number.
Sam you were terrific.
I was? Oh, uh, Mr.
Bobbins, I have a, uh, little confession to make.
The surprise element in the commercial, heh, was actually something that Samantha and her mother cooked up.
My dear girl, you and that mother of yours are to be congratulated.
Ordinarily, I don't like surprises, but this one certainly paid off.
Oh, well.
I especially liked the part where your mother-in-law turned into your wife.
Yes, that was my favorite part too.
Where's Endora? Oh, uh, I-I can't imagine.
She was here a minute ago.
I-I guess maybe she had to leave.
Not without saying goodbye? Of course not.
We'll find her.
Bye, Sam.
I don't think they'll find her.
I think she went back skiing with Mr.
Peabody.
Thanks, Mom.
Well TRANSCRIPT: adrianp55