Black-ish (2014) s07e14 Episode Script

1 DRE: At the peak of success, no one ever believes their time at the top is going to end.
At the height of their power, the Egyptians never imagined that the pyramids would turn into a tourist trap.
But the fact is, everyone and everything only get their 15 minutes.
Hey, there, baby girl.
What you working on? I'm doing an assignment about a dead culture that I picked for class.
Oh, okay.
Which one is that? Hip hop.
Hip hop is dead? As a horse at the Santa Anita racetrack.
- Hey.
- DRE: Hey.
Bow, will you tell your daughter that hip hop is not dead? What?! MC Lyte, Queen Latifah, and Bahamadia have a concert this Sunday at the Pasadena Playhouse.
- So hip hop is fine.
- Bam.
Sorry, Dad, but when the best rapper alive is a dead guy, you've got problems.
Okay, first off, the best rapper alive is Rakim.
- Hey! - All right? And he's still with us.
I think.
Look, I know why you think the way you do after seeing Migos ride those big wheels in that soda commercial, but hip hop is more than just music.
It's a statement of rebellion.
It's inventive and creative.
Banksy is hip hop.
The stepback three is hip hop.
I'm hip hop.
That's why I can wear this gold chain to work.
Well, you told them it was your emotional support chain.
How hip hop is that? Well, you should be thanking hip hop for this house, for your private school education, and for the clothes on your back, because if it weren't for hip hop, I wouldn't have been able to break through in advertising.
So you should find another dead culture to talk about.
Like the Mesopotamians or Black baseball fans.
[Scoffs.]
Hip hop dead? Please.
I brought hip hop swagger to Stevens & Lido, and that made me the king.
Uh-oh! Someone broke out Sally, huh? Look at that.
24 karat solid gold Cuban link.
- Wow! - Ooh! Well, we've got a pitch today, so I had to bring in the Dre that always closes the deal.
Ah.
Very well done, Dre.
That's why I'm wearing my lucky pitch underwear, which is no underwear at all.
- Hm.
- STEVENS: Look, Dre.
I love it when you get dressed like this, 'cause this swagger wins us accounts.
Your authentic realness it seals the deal, time and time again.
Before I met you, I thought restorative justice was a clothing line.
Every day, you teach me with your hip hop knowledge.
Everything else I know comes from, uh, experimenting with it in college.
Always been down, down If I ever didn't thank you, you Then just let me do it now Yeah, my lacrosse team locked me in my car with 311's first album on repeat.
Joke's on them because I loved them rhymes.
[Chuckles.]
Wait, you think that's hip hop? Uh, yeah.
The real stuff.
Not like that trash they got today.
Oh, I love today's hip hop.
They're always telling you about the kind of clothes they're wearing, which makes it real easy to shop for the look.
And it is a real moneymaker.
Look at this guy 50 Cents, okay? He dehydrates them in the club, and then he turns around and sells them flavored water.
And how did guys like you learn about 50? From Dre Johnson.
- No doubt.
- Exactly.
I am the person that keeps you connected to the youth so you can always stay on trend.
We're gonna need you to bring some of that flavor to today's pitch, Dre.
You know I will.
I always bring my hip hop magic to our pitches.
That's what makes me indispensable to this company.
Ah! I, too, am indispensable to this company.
I'm the only person who can pronounce the security guard's name.
It's Shaunton'dre.
Shaun-ton.
While I was taking Stevens & Lido into the future with hip hop, Bow was going through her musical past.
Ah! "Rainbow's breakup mix volume forty.
" How many of those did I make? Hey, Junior, want to come sit down, hear how Deborah Cox was the soundtrack to the best summer of my life? Aw! Sorry, Mom, but I can't.
- Oh.
- I have plans.
But, you know, some other time, I would love to look through your record book and hear some stories.
Any time.
You know where to find me, sweetheart.
Bye, Mom.
- Bye.
Be right here.
- [Door opens, closes.]
Look at this.
This is - Hey, Mom? - Mm? What you got there? Oh, it's just a book of nostalgia.
It's nothing.
Well, I'm not I'm not doing anything.
If If you want, we can hang out.
- Really? - Mm.
Yeah, come sit down.
Look at this, huh? Look at all of this.
These are the most Blu-rays I've ever seen.
Oh, my God.
These are not Blu-rays.
These are CDs.
This is some of the music that shaped my life.
It turned me into the woman that I am today.
Wait.
- "Jock Jams"? - Mm-hmm.
But you're not a jock.
You're a doctor.
- [Laughs.]
Oh, son.
- Mm.
Even I need to pump up the volume sometimes.
- Hm.
Fascinating.
- Right? Well, I'll get us some water, and then I'll put these into the PlayStation and see what happens.
Okay.
Sounds good.
I was ready to once again put the agency on my back and carry it across the finish line.
I was about to put some hip hop mustard all up on this mayo pitch.
Okay, guys.
So, we have a shot of a sandwich.
Then we see a dad.
We go back to the sandwich even tighter.
Then we see the dad's eyes.
He's mesmerized by it.
Finally, he can't resist but to pick up the sandwich and take a bite from it.
And this is the song that's playing - underneath all of it.
- [Button clicks.]
[The Notorious B.
I.
G.
's "Hypnotize" plays.]
Unh, unh, unh C'mon DRE: My special set of skills was getting it done yet again.
I had them eating out of the palm of my hand.
I was hip hop, and hip hop was me, and we were both going to live forever.
Poppa been smooth since days of Underoos - Never lose, never choose to - DRE: Wait.
Are these guys laughing? Talk goes through us - [Laughter.]
- [Music shuts off.]
Hey.
What's wrong? No, no.
It It's great.
It's, uh It's an old-school dad kinda vibe.
- Yeah, like like, it ain't fresh - No.
but that's what you were going for.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- [Laughter.]
Yeah, e-exactly.
I mean, wow.
Look at you.
You're dressed the same way I was dressed at our company's '90s party.
Like, you went in for the pitch, bro.
Y-You must be in a rap group Run-DM Dre.
[Laughter.]
Yeah, you know, actually, Dre still has a two-way pager.
[Laughter.]
I feel like I'm hanging with Mr.
Cooper.
Wait, this this his favorite dance.
- Look.
Hunh, hunh, hunh! - Hey! - Hunh, hunh! Hey! - What's up? - Go around! Go! - Hunh, hunh! BOTH: Hey! Hey! - That's you! That's you! - That's you! That's you! [Laughter.]
Those mayo chumps were clowning me? I needed to talk to someone else from hip hop's greatest generation.
Man, that was messed up.
The way they were laughing at me in there, man.
And then they were talking as if we weren't relevant anymore.
Charlie, we have the reputations of being the hip hop guys around here.
- Yeah.
- If we lose that, then - then we become Black Josh.
- Yeah.
Josh was Black Josh for Halloween last year.
It did not go well.
And who the hell do they think they are - throwing shade on Biggie's name? - Mm-hmm.
You and I both know that this new stuff ain't it.
Uh, uh, uh, excuse me.
You're not my public defender.
I can speak for myself.
I love today's hip hop.
- Are you serious? - No, no, no, no.
I'm plugged the whole way in.
Besides, this is how I keep up with the ladies.
I met a 22-year-old grad student at a Yung Baby Tate show.
She makes me feel stupid all the time, and I love it.
Okay, look here, Charlie, it's just you and me talking, okay? - Mm-hmm.
- So you can be honest.
This stuff is not as good as it used to be.
Well you just don't get it, - and that's what makes you irrelevant.
- What? You're starting to sound like my uncle who refused to change.
He died in a nightclub, screaming at the DJ, "Play more Heavy D!" - That's horrible, Charlie.
- Mm.
But that's not me, man.
I can adapt.
- Heavy D? - Yeah.
Weird part was, I was the DJ.
Don't be like my Uncle Marcus, Dre.
[Can hissing.]
Oh.
Hey, Jack.
Where's Mom? I got her a caramel macchiato.
Oh, so now you have time for her? What are you talking about? You ditched Mom to make mugs with your girlfriend.
But I lifted her up.
We read each other's horoscopes and thought of ways that we could improve in the new year.
You messed up, baby.
Okay.
Cut it out, Jack.
Mom needs things you could never give her.
You don't even know what kind of milk substitute she uses.
Almond? Sorry, kid.
It's soy.
You see Mom and I have a special bond that can't be replaced.
So, you both drink coffee.
Big deal.
[Chuckles.]
We don't just "drink" coffee.
Our barista, Henry, makes us two drinks whenever one of us goes into our Starbucks, because he knows that's just how we do.
We sip, we laugh, we grow.
Together.
She is mine.
Not yours.
I think she's mine.
- Face it, Jack.
You're just her side-son.
- Hm.
If she has a choice between the two of us, - we both know who she'll pick.
- Okay.
[Cellphone keyboard clicking.]
"I miss you a latte.
Back porch chat?" Mermaid emoji, coffee emoji.
- Send.
- [Cellphone whooshes.]
Let's see.
[Cellphone chimes.]
- She chose you.
- [Clicks tongue.]
Yeah, I think your time is finished, playboy.
I've gotta go meet Mom.
But why don't you spend the afternoon in your memories? [Chuckles lightly.]
Wow.
I wasn't going to let myself be irrelevant, which meant I needed to get up on this new stuff if it was the last thing I did.
YoungBoy Never Broke Again? That's not a rap name.
That's a sentence.
What are you doing? Oh.
Checking out this new-wave hip hop.
Uh It's, uh it's great.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
'Cause your nose is bleeding.
What? All right.
All right, I hate it.
But I've got to know it, otherwise I can't do my job.
Tell me this.
How are these artists even popular? Lil Uzi Vert? Trippie Redd? Moneybagg Yo? Bad Bunny? I can't even understand a word that brother says.
It's like anybody can be a rapper now.
All you need is a drum machine and a Supreme T-shirt.
Isn't your generation the one that came up with the Humpty Dumpty Dance? It's the Humpty Dance.
And I'll give you a million dollars right now and you'd never be able to come up with something as great as that.
[Chuckles.]
I'd do it for $20.
But I'm not the one who has something to prove.
Okay.
Watch me prove it! Yeah! Just watch me! I'mma prove it! A-And just for that, I'm not taking you with me to go see, uh Ski Mask the Slump God! What kind of name is that?! Hah! Are you ready for video game night? You know I am.
What do you want to play? "Fortnite"? "FIFA"? Ooh, I got "Madden.
" Well, it used to be more fun, but now all the players just get concussions.
I was thinking that we would play [Imitating drumroll.]
Ooh! "Sudoku 4K.
" The number puzzle? It's not a numbers puzzle.
No, no, no.
This, my dear Jack, is a brainteaser.
It is a scholastic add-on, a math refresher! Why does this need to be in 4K? All right, my darling, you go first.
- [Electronic music plays.]
- Yep.
Uh, w-when does the game start? What?! It's already started! Go! Sweetheart, play the five.
Play the five! [Laughs.]
Okay, this is so much fun.
Real fun.
Uh Yes.
[Laughs.]
Go! Fast.
"Glennon"? Damn, these White people names are killing me.
Junior, you have to help me.
[Sighs.]
What can I do for you, playboy? It's Mom.
She's going overboard.
We spent the last two hours playing a Sudoku video game.
The one with Maddow on the cover? I haven't even played that yet.
I swear, if you took the Wolf Blitzer avatar, I am gonna be so pissed.
Now she wants to re-create the "Lady Marmalade" music video.
Who'd you get? Christina? Missy? - P! nk.
- [Scoffs.]
You don't have the pipes for that.
Or the calves.
Junior, you have to take Mom back.
[Sighing.]
Okay, man, it is not that easy, all right? You have to let her down gently.
She has a high-pressure job.
Lives could be at stake.
- Mm-hmm.
- And besides, you owe her that much.
Okay, what if hear me out Okay.
I don't want to? Fine, I'll do it.
I'll break up with Mom.
Good man.
Man, they grow up so fast.
First relationship with Mom.
[Chuckles.]
Hip hop may have knocked me down for a minute, but I trained and focused, and I was ready to fight another day.
Okay, this campaign is now completed and finished.
Dre, all we need now is a song for the spot.
And, uh, we got to kind of hurry it up 'cause I got a bag of popcorn in the microwave.
So, who is the hot young artist, huh? All right, well, you know, you came to the right guy.
And I think the rapper we should use Lil Pizza Boy.
Whoa.
What? Are you kidding? Lil Pizza Boy? Come on.
He was canceled for selling baby tigers out of the back of his SUV, Dre.
Come on.
Next.
Let's go.
- You got to do better than that.
- Okay.
All right.
Well, you know, um I have a million other rappers to choose from.
- Good.
- You know, so, let's go with, uh - Dre, seriously, what do you got? - Mm.
Uh, how about, uh, we go with, uh - [The Notorious B.
I.
G.
's "Hypnotize" playing.]
- Come on.
Something new and current that'll help you keep your job.
Unh, unh, c'mon Ha, sicker than your average Poppa twist cabbage off instinct Niggas don't think shit stink Pink gators, my Detroit players - Timbs for my - [Record scratches.]
- [Music stops.]
- [Telephone rings in distance.]
Dre, who, uh Who do you got? You know, we could just, um Uh, we we we we we we could always go with "Hypnotize.
" I mean, you know, iit's a classic for a reason.
Are you kidding? I could have come up with "Hypnotize," for God's sakes.
Is that really the best you have? Okay, look, guys, I just I just don't have it anymore, all right? I'm washed.
And I am unwashed.
Today is laundry day.
If you'll excuse me.
- Hey, Dre.
- Hey.
There you are.
Thought maybe we had lost you to the streets.
Eh, I don't know what happened back there.
Yeah, it's my job to bring you what's hot and what's new.
That's my sky hook.
It's what made me unguardable.
And if that's not hitting, I might as well be writing articles on jazz for "The Huffington Post.
" Ah, I wouldn't worry about it, Dre.
Everyone has an off day.
Not me.
Not with this.
I mean, you hired me to be your hip hop guy, so I got to do whatever I need to do to bring that.
Hold up, y-you think you're just our hip hop guy? "Hip hop.
" "Urban.
" Whatever you want to call it, but, yeah.
Dre, you are just our guy.
I mean, yes, initially, we brought you in because we wanted someone with a knowledge of Black culture, yeah.
Eh, well, the job listing did say the application process is "no thang but a chicken wing.
" Yeah.
That, uh That was a blunder.
But, uh, now, Dre, I gotta say, you know, I trust your instincts on all our campaigns.
Before we finalize a pitch, you're the one I go to.
You are our closer.
So, I'm not just your Black guy? Of course not.
Truth is, Dre, the best decision I ever made for this company was hiring you.
That's the truth.
All right.
Oh! Hey, listen.
Don't stop knowing the Black stuff, though, you know, because, uh I, uh I can't rely on Charlie for that.
Yesterday, he insisted that Al Sharpton invented the Sharpie.
Yeah.
Hm.
Hey, Jack.
Just getting my game tight so that when we go online later, we can talk some trash to the old ladies.
Yeah, actually, I think we need to talk.
Oh.
Okay, what's up? Oh.
Look, hanging out with you has been a blast, but, you know, I think we're just at really different points in our lives.
What are you talking about? I don't think I'm built for this.
I mean, I love spending time with you, but I just can't be your best friend like Junior is.
Oh.
I can't be your everything.
Mm-kay.
Um, so [Clears throat.]
you think that Junior is my best friend? Mm-hmm.
[Laughing.]
No.
But you were so sad when Junior couldn't hang out with you.
Yeah.
That's 'cause I enjoy spending time with him and he's my son.
It's the same way that I enjoy spending time with you, but, Jack, I have real friends, okay? And they're grown-ups.
And I also have your dad, and he is technically an adult.
So, thank you so much for looking out for me, but mnh-mnh.
Nope.
I don't need none of y'all.
Mnh-mnh.
- Great.
- Yeah.
Because I still have no idea how to play Sudoku.
I was just pressing buttons.
Mm.
I know that, honey.
I knew we were in trouble when you said you wanted to be the thimble.
[Junior chuckles.]
Oh.
What - Oh! Ha! - Hi.
Hey, Mom.
- Didn't know you were home.
- Oh, I'm home.
And it just so happens that Henry made you your usual.
Oh, my God.
He is the best.
- [Gasps.]
- JUNIOR: Mm-hmm.
- Did he propose to Mavis? - [Gasps.]
- Do I have a story for you.
- [Gasps.]
What do you say? Back porch? Coffee talk? I would like that a latte! - Right?! - [Both laugh.]
Oh, you just get better and better.
- Oh, thank you.
Cheers.
- Cheers.
All right.
So, tell me Oh! "A latte.
" That was actually pretty good.
Four, four.
Yes.
- [Door slams.]
- Hey, babe.
Five Yeah? I had the wildest conversation with Stevens at work today.
Was he fishing for compliments 'cause he hired a White chauffeur? - One - Even wilder.
No.
He told me he valued me.
- Oh.
- That I'm his go-to guy.
Now, this may sound weird coming from me.
Mm-hmm.
But do I not know how great I am? Well, let me see.
You enter a room screaming, "I'm the champ," so, no, you don't have that problem.
Babe, I'm serious, all right? You know, I feel like sometimes I put a limit on my ambition by only seeing myself as a Black ad exec.
Hm.
I was worried about being irrelevant, but the truth is I never really saw my value.
Well, that's the trap.
I have been called a great Black doctor or a great female doctor so many times that I don't know what it would be like if I was just a great doctor, period.
That's it right there, babe.
Because I am a great adman, period.
True.
Maybe I need to start thinking like that.
Maybe I've grown out of being just a Senior Vice President of Urban.
Maybe I need to start looking at a bigger pond.
Maybe you do.
I like this for you.
Mm-hmm.
A little mid-life evolution, huh? - [Chuckles.]
- You're like [Gasps.]
You're like Jay-Z.
What? - He was just a rapper.
- Mm-hmm.
But now he's an art collector, he's a real estate developer, and he makes a champagne that always gets me [bleep.]
up.
Well, it is the only champagne that comes with a screw top.
[Chuckles.]
I think we have a bottle of that somewhere around here.
Oh, we have a whole case.
- Do we? - In the cabinet.
- In the cabinet? - To the left.
- Whoo! Hey! - [Chuckles.]
- Is it too early for champagne? - Nope.
Bow was right.
I wasn't irrelevant.
I was evolving, just like hip hop.
Oh, hey, Dad.
Good news, man.
You're not gonna have to pay me a million dollars.
I can't come up with a song better than "The Humpty Dance.
" There's a reason it's a classic.
All right, Humpty and Shock G were the same person.
My Uncle Melvin tried to tell us, but we just thought it was the dementia.
You and I both need to give this new stuff another try.
I mean, just because I don't know what it is doesn't mean it's not good.
- Maybe.
- All right.
Hey, hey.
- Listen to it with me.
- Pop that, drop a bag on me Said pop that, drop a bag on me Hey! Oh, this is hot! - Dad? - Huh? Your nose.
What? Hard on the Now go hard on the hard on the - [Groans.]
- [Music stops.]
I'm starting to think these nosebleeds aren't related to the music.
Babe! It's happening again!