Will and Grace s07e14 Episode Script

Hey, kids Hey, Karen, wow! I love the blonde It's very Mary J.
Blige meets Barbara Eden meets My Little Pony Rosie's pretending to be sick so she's slacking off She wouldn't even shampoo my hair in the shower this morning Luckily, my cook's teenage daughter was willing to sell me her hair Oh, Will's boyfriend You're a cop I need you to get rid of these tickets for me These are tickets to Harvey Fierstein in Fiddler On the Roof Yeah, well you can see why I'd wanna get rid of them.
Hop to it! Karen, Vincent has been fired for trying on gloves in a hostage situation But Will doesn't know He also doesn't know I've been using his ATM card for the past two years Vince, you're gonna have to tell him, you know He'll understand Will loves accessories For God's sake, he names his scarves I know.
Remember that time he almost cried because he dropped coffee on Burberry Pete No, I'm gonna tell him All right? I'm just waiting for the perfect time Unbelievable news - I'm up for partner! - Whoo! / Yeah! And you, mister, are taking me out to celebrate I'm talking about the most expensive restaurant in the city I can't.
I got fired What?! You-- What do you mean you got fired? What happened? It was like two weeks ago We followed this perp into Saks when I noticed these cashmere gloves So, I just tried them on for a second And just when I was seeing how it looked with a navy cardigan the cashier got shot And they fired you for that?! Just to play devil's advocate wouldn't those gloves have been just as cute after you disarmed the gunman? Wow, so you hate gays, too Oh, Jackie.
We only hate gays because that's what's in right now Hating gays, hating evolution - It's the new age of enlightenment - Oh I've been trying to get a new job it's just that-- Hey, hey, hey, don't worry You'll land on your feet Unlike the cashier - So who's gonna take me out to dinner? - I will.
I'll use my ATM card Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º ½ÌÅ© Á¦ÀÛ ÇÑ±Û ¹ø¿ª ÃÖÁ¾ Å×½ºÆ® Is this a mushroom or a cocENoach? What do you care? It's deep fried Listen, I know Vince has been around a lot lately but please, if he starts to get on your nerves, say something No, he's fine Seriously, you won't hurt my feelings I mean, he hasn't left the apartment in a month And that couch is practically growing out his ass No, I understand He got fired He's going through a hard time Well, it must bug you that-that he's gained weight, stopped showering steals jokes from commercials an-an-- and pretends that they're his own I mean, that's gotta be a huge turnoff for you I'm sorry, but I like his little pooch And I always laugh when he farts and says "Can you hear me now?" Ooh, ooh! The new senior partner's coming Wipe that rice off your neck Oh, it just crawled off-- Where did we order from? How's my favorite gay lawyer at the firm? Not that there's a quota or anything but three is plenty Oh, um, Margot, this is my friend, Grace I don't think you've met before Please, Will, don't introduce me to everybody as your boss Well, actually, I didn't Grace, this is Margot Please call me Margot Oh, good 'cause that was kind of my only option I'm having a dinner party Friday for the three candidates for partner Oh, great! Please do not infer it's going to be any kind of competition Oh, no, no, of course not But by the end of the evening I will have chosen one of you for partner Wow, a party's not a party unless someone goes home devastated Oh, I agree Why don't you come, Grace? Maybe you could be that someone No, just kidding There's a great guy I'd like to set you up with Oh, how rude of me I don't know why, I just assumed you were bitterly divorced - No, I am.
I'd love to come - Great And Will, bring your boyfriend I'm dying to meet him Oh, I'm dying to have you meet him Heh heh There is no way I'm bringing that sack! He'll make me look bad He'll screw up my chances! Stop complaining and start supporting him That fat, lazy, farting sack is your boyfriend Well, I gotta hand it to Rosario It's been over a month, and she's still pretending to be sick She's even managed to raise her temperature up to 104 and make her glands swell up so much they feel like knees Uh, Karen, have you ever thought she might actually be sick? Honey, what would give you an idea like that? I mean, look at her I'm sick Can you believe this one? Hey, Meryl Streep! Why don't you start preparing for your next role as the woman who throws away my gum? Eh, start flossing, lady There's a tooth in here You know, Karen, Rosie's color is kinda off Although What color is she supposed to be? I ordered her in hunter green but she's faded Ooh! Listen, honey, I gotta get going I gotta go to my Christian Book Club meeting Today we're burning Catcher in the Rye Karen, I really think we should take her to the hospital Yeah, okay Tell her to meet me at the library with some lighter fluid and a fast car Rosie, I think I'm gonna take you over to-- Oh, my God, Rosie! ROSIE!! Rosie! What? Oh.
The way you were drinking your tea it seemed like you were dead So when's Vince getting here? Oh, any minute He's coming straight from his new job which he is over the moon about Assistant Head of Security at Harry Winston Jewelers He loves it even more than being a cop I'm telling you, that man would take a bullet for chandelier earrings And that is the staff bathroom Otherwise known as the one you'll all be using Will, Grace, welcome Will, that is not a present - I told you no presents - Oh, no, actually it's my scarf Ah! I love it Thank you Yeah, we all brought gifts And, apparently, I brought my wife's watch It was my grandmother's Grace, this is Leonard The man I've told you so much about Oh, this is-- Hello, nice to meet yousir Does anyone feel the heat in here? Let's get out of here before clothes start flying off I know I'm a little older than you expected But if it makes you feel any better I've looked the same way since 1948 I love the way you've decorated, Margot It's, uh, very elegant - But then, you're an elegant woman - Look, Gary, Roz, get off my leg There's no reason to suck up You don't need to be worried that whoever doesn't make partner tonight is gonna be fired from the firm Because that is not for sure So how do you fit into this group? Oh, well, my friend Will works at the firm Do you know Margot well? You could say that I'm her husband Old and married Wow, I feel like Cinderella I must say this tapestry of tension I've created is making me weak in the knees And it's working its way up Ooh, uh, I'll get it.
I'm sure it's Vince Ah, two gay men in my apartment It's like the '70s again Thank God, you're here! If you were any later - you'd have really embarrassed me - I got fired! What?! What happened? They had these diamond covered gloves and I was trying them on What the hell is with you and gloves?! Oh, Will You're not gonna believe this but I'm gonna love telling you Seems Nicole and Margot went to the same all-girls' school Gave me a solid academic background and half a dozen character-building lesbian experiences Well, Vince and I aren't lesbians but we, uh, don't have much sex anymore so that's close Is that--isn't that right, Vince? Huh, Vince? Huh? Oh, I'm sorry I was just, uh-- I was just, uh I was just thinking that I'm lost and I'll probably never work again You must think I'm pretty pathetic Eh I love Margot I'll never move on Maybe you will Maybe you won't Do you know what's for dinner? I don't care I'd sleep on the guest bed that the cats pee on just to be near her Yeah Is there any chance we've been talking for three hours? It sounds like you're getting a bit mad at me No, I'm not mad It's just that, you know you're a little frustrating - You wanna take it out on me? - Huh? Spank me I am so glad we could do this tonight Because I think of the firm as a family And there is nothing more important than family - Well, speaking of family-- - Shh What? It's great news We're having a baby No, we're not Nothing's definite I might not keep it A baby! Congratulations That is wonderful news Do you wanna adopt? I need an answer right now You're going to a terrific mother, Roz And now, let's all sit down to dinner Oh, not you, Roz.
You can go home What? Well, you're not going to be partner And this has nothing to do with those silly studies that say a mother is less productive in the workplace But there are of those studies and they all say the same thing Honey, where the hell have you been? You know that when I drop by unexpectedly I like for you to be here so that you can say something stupid and I can say something about recreational drugs! Didn't you get any of my messages? Rosie is in surgery! If they can get her boobs above her waist they deserve a Nobel prize.
Karen, this isn't a joke! She could die! She has tonsillitis! You hear me? Tonsillitis! Okay, I see what she's doing She's faking so that she can get her tonsils taken out and sell them to Japanese people as an aphrodisiac Well, I've just raced home to get a nurse's best friend-- her Patch Adams nose Thank God, I keep a bowl of them by the door Now, Karen, you should come with me And why would I do that? To show her that you care for her and that you love her You take that back! Oh, I know what this is People avoid sick loved ones so they don't have to face the idea of losing them Saw it all the time in the hospital That's why when I was a nurse whenever somebody died I hid them under the bed - Now, are you coming? - No! And you can tell that package of assorted chicken parts she better get her thighs and her giblets back to work or she can find another coop to sleep in Chicken! It is a shame I am the only one taking this seriously Not that I'm not enjoying my fantasy date but don't you think we should join everyone for dinner? Oh, she doesn't let me eat with her And since you're my date you don't get to eat either - Probably makes you mad - It does make me mad - Mad enough to spank me? - No, Leonard, I'm not gonna spank you But you want to Because I remind you of every weak man who's ever let you down That's true And you'd like to hit these men, wouldn't you? No-o! Although there are a lot of them and they would deserve it - So just try it - No! Heh, you're divorced, aren't you? Thank you What was it, another woman? Leonard I'm gonna need you to stand like this And brace yourself So I don't ride anymore - but we still stable a horse in Millbrook - Hmm Vince, you--you were on mounted duty for awhile, right? Yeah.
I had a horse named Snowflake Real smart.
During the Republican Convention he ran right past the protestors and took a crap in front of Zell Miller Ha ha.
That is officially my favorite story of the evening Excuse me Looks like someone made a new friend Snowflake was like a brother to me I wonder what he's doing now Well, whatever it is, I'm sure he's-- he's the glue that holds the precinct together God, I miss that horse! Will you excuse me? Well I'll be right back, I-- Remember before, when the horse took a crap in front of Zell Mi-- I'll be right back Get it together! Forget about Snowflake Snowflake is dead Snowflake is dead?! Oh! No! The subject is dead Talk about something else something happy Will, sit down right now or my finger is going into your wine But, Margot, what--wh am I supposed to--to do? And my finger is in your wine Your move You know what? My move is something I should have done a long time ago I'm going home and taking care of my boyfriend Uh, it's okay.
It's okay I'm okay No, you're not Come on, Vince, we're going Congratulations, Gary You're partner Yes! Ha ha ha! Hang on, buddy I'm the only one around here who can make someone partner And I'm hardly going to do it during this awkward moment Will, you're partner This isn't fair! Oh, grow up, Gary Will's getting promoted because his performance reviews were better This has nothing to do with your uninteresting wife Excuse me Will, can we go home? In a minute I just-- I think I just made-- I said now! Oh, my God.
I can't stop Now, remember, Rosie the doctor says your throat is gonna be very tender and talking may cause excruciating pain So only speak when absolutely necessary Thank you, Jack I'm sorry, dear, what? I said, thank you Now, darlin', how can I help ya if I can't hear ya? Okay Come on Thank you, Jack.
Oh, "Thank you, Jack.
" Oh, Rosie, that's fine Yeah, you're welcome But, really, you should save your voice Yeah, you should have just said "Thank you.
" You didn't need to add "Jack.
" Try it again All right, all right You can quit your fakin', Rosie you've made your point You're gonna get an extra 25 cents an hour And a new pack of sponges Okay? So, take a bow Get back to work What? Rosie doesn't want you here so why don't you just go-- She can stay Once again, sweetheart it is so hard to hear you! She can stay Chicken steak? All right, I'll get you some But I'm tellin' you, it's gonna go down like broken glass All right, Rosie I need you to get out of that bed and start walking You know what that is, don't ya? Put one knuckle right in front of the other Come on! I'm not foolin' around you lazy refried-- Oh, my-- Oh, no, Rosie! Rosie, don't die! No! I'm sorry I knew you weren't faking the whole time I just couldn't admit that you were really sick because then I would have to think about losing you and I'm not ready for that I'm not ready, I tell ya! Oh, come on, Rosie I always thought I'd be the first one to go Don't worry, you will Little thingy came off my finger How you doin'? Better Thanks for saying all that nice stuff Eh, I should have said it a long time ago This isn't working What do you mean? - Come on, Will, I'm driving you nuts - No - Be honest - Maybe a little You know, I love having a guy who stands up for me I just hate being the guy who has to have somebody stand up for him Vince I just need a little time to figure some stuff out Wow Okay um what do we do? I don't know - Maybe we take a-- take a break? - I don't wanna break up Not break up, no, just take a-- take a break I mean, everybody says that but we--we really mean it Okay.
Good Okay So, uh - I'll see ya - Yes, you will Where's Vince? I think we just broke up You know, you gave me quite a scare just then, little miss I'm sorry, mommy Rosie, they were out of chicken steak so I got you jalapeno nachos and peanut brittle Oh, Karen You do love her I do, Jackie ÀÚ¸·Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇô ÁÖ¼¼¿ä