Futurama s07e15 Episode Script

Two two, three Fry and Leela's Big Fling Ah, another successful day.
Deliveries were made, nobody got hurt.
(grunting) Yes, another successful day.
Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me.
Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning.
- Good-bye.
Good-bye now.
- Yeah, see you later, chumps.
Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.
Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here.
Where are you going? I have no idea! Fry? Where are you? Right here, baby.
(grunting) Uh, could you help me? Ah, alone and unhooked.
Let the evening begin.
LEELA: All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there.
Keep your eyeball closed.
(whirring) (gasps) Fry, this is amazing! You did this all by yourself? Uh-huh! All with stuff I found around the office.
Top Ramen in a Cremora sauce Xerox-blackened chicken Oh, and for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee.
(sniffs) What a wonderful nighttime sneezing coughing stuffy head so-I-can-rest dessert! This really is lovely, Fry.
Thank you.
Uh-huh.
Don't pay me no mind.
Oh Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here? If you can't see me, is that private? (groans) Come on, let's go somewhere we can be alone.
It's so quiet.
I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park.
In this remote, unlit area.
On Batman's night off.
Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela.
Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree.
Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so - Hee-ya! - Ow! (grunting) Ow! Help, I'm being mugged! (Fry and Leela laughing) Mmm.
A secluded table, some big giant ants, and thou.
ZOIDBERG: Ow! Hello! I'm Dr.
Zoidberg.
I'll be your busboy tonight Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg.
From work, and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so.
What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.
Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes.
I'm a singing busboy.
No, you're not! Let's just go to my place.
("Just the Two of Us" playing) Finally, just the two of us.
Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums.
Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh, what about? (snoring, muttering) He won't wake up if we stay quiet.
(snoring) Ooh Ah! Nibbler! Scat! (yelps, music stops) (Nibbler chattering) Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? ANNOUNCER: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising.
Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm.
I'll get a knife.
ANNOUNCER: For true privacy and solitude, visit Casa Ysolata Eco-Resort.
From the moment our automated shuttle picks you up, you'll be totally alone.
With no employees and just a single well-appointed bungalow, Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time.
So act now! The perfect getaway awaits! That sounds great! Aw, but you can't possibly afford to take me to a place like that.
ANNOUNCER: Oh, yes, she can.
As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall.
(gasps) This is exactly what we need! Plus, you get a return visitor discount.
Hey, wait, you were there before? Um well With someone else? Once.
With my old boyfriend Sean.
But look, that's ancient history, and we need some one-on-one time.
I'm up for it if you are.
I don't know.
You'd probably be thinking of Sean the whole time.
Oh, not the whole time.
Who ordered all these old-timey cars? The inhabitants of Simian 7-- the Planet of the Apes.
And monkeys.
And tarsiers, and several lemurs.
All primates, really.
Hey, guys.
We just stopped by to tell you we're taking some vacation days.
(tires squealing) No, you're not! You've got to go on this delivery! But we've earned these days off.
We're not cattle, we're human beings.
You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery.
Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then.
See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go.
And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry.
Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine! But we still need someone to pilot the ship.
Amy, what are you? - Human.
- Damn! Then you'll need a disguise.
Do you have a marmoset costume? No.
Just these marmoset pajamas.
They'll have to do.
Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose.
(grunting) (sniffing) Wow.
Well picked.
I had a nice picking last time I was here.
Come on, let's take a walk.
I'll show you around.
Hey, want to go skinny-dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us.
Come on! (water splashing) All right, I'll just keep my top on.
Oh, what the heck.
(whoops) Well, here we are, alone and naked.
Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! - Sean? - Leela? - Sean?! - Polo! What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation.
Repeat customer discount, free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter.
Whole trip cost less than 600 bucks.
But this is a private resort for only two people at a time.
Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it.
But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble.
You want to buy one? How about you? Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry.
He and I are what would you say we are, Fry? Nude and interrupted.
Uh-huh.
Listen, Leela, I'd love to catch up.
What do ya say we split a free drink at the robo-bar? They've got unlimited pretzels.
Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up.
Well, it has been a while.
Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great.
I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes.
(insects buzzing) (tires squealing) I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working.
I'm not sure either.
We'd better ask Amy.
Well, that's the last one.
But what does a monkey financial-services corporation want with a fleet of classic cars? We don't want the cars, just the tires! Gentlemen, the new office chairs are here.
(hooting, chattering) (chattering) Sign here, please.
I'll just use my opposable thumb.
You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys, but I am digging your upright posture.
Geez, Edwards, hitting on a delivery marmoset? Why don't you just show her your big blue ass? Oh, I'm getting to that.
(clicks tongue) Call me.
Oh, my gosh.
Amy? - Amy Wong? - Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Ah, pretty good.
Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams.
Nice disguise, by the way.
I won't say anything.
After that, my music career really started taking off.
I recorded a demo and shot a video, but then I lost my phone.
My life has been equally exciting.
It turned out, I'm not an alien orphan, I'm a mutant.
With wonderful parents.
Yeah, we've been through a lot, me and my sax.
May I noodle? Please.
It's been a long time.
(gulping) Look at them.
I came here to get romantic with the woman I love.
Instead, she's with her ex-boyfriend and I'm stuck with a pair of skilled mechanical hands.
(slurping) Say, I don't suppose you're free later? Then I have no choice.
And now this part.
(playing rapidly) If you want to steal my girl, you'll have to fight me for her.
Stop playing that lovely song and put up your dukes! (grunts) Fry, there's nothing to be jealous of.
I've been sitting here paying my bills online.
(beeping) (plays discordant note) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! Hi-yah! (karate grunting) Just stop, you two! I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable! (grunts) I want my dollar! Sean? What the heck are you doing, you moron? A little drinking, a little fighting.
Get off my back.
Who are you? This is my wife, Darlene.
We met at the You're married?! Wait a dang minute.
One eye, purple hair-- you're Leela! The crazy one that Sean dumped.
It was mutual! Sean, why is this hussy at our resort? Your resort? This is our vacation.
- Could've fooled me.
- Quiet, Fry.
This is between me and the lady in the hooter hammock.
Listen, honey, I'd love to stay here and Denny's-fight you, but they just told me the shuttle's fixed.
What?! We better leave before they charge us for another day.
Grab some complimentary snacks and let's go! (both panting) I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter.
Want to watch? Not really, but I will.
Fine.
(grunting) (whimpering) (shuddering) This is Christopher Colobus, the brave monkey who led a band of genetically engineered primates from Earth to colonize our planet.
Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much? Oh, please.
Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ-grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles.
(Zoidberg yelps, horn tooting) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles.
By choice.
Come on, let's grab some lunch.
It's all-you-can-eat, so just pick off whatever looks good.
Ew, gross! I'm gonna use the tongs.
We have our own literature, music and art.
The smear lines are impeccable.
(elephant trumpeting) Unlike your Earth zoos, our zoo is a model of compassionate encagement.
The animals don't even know they're in captivity.
(loud thud) See? Um (clears throat) Leela? I'm sorry I ruined our vacation.
(sniffles) It's not your fault.
I wanted this week to be special.
And then Sean had to show up.
Do you still have feelings for him? No.
I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all.
Well, the important thing is, we're finally alone.
(camera shutters clicking) (Amy and Zoidberg gasping) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! (whispers): Oh, sorry.
Wow.
Those fireflies are going nuts.
Come here.
I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.
(both moaning) Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves.
Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we'd better talk to the zoo director.
Mr.
Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and (gasps) Dr.
Banjo?! The same.
Hang on.
Coming around.
There.
Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends.
Zoidberg, Bender and Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk.
We know those guys, and we want them freed.
BANJO: Ah, yes, our famous Human Habitat.
This pair have been our most popular specimens yet.
Especially the male.
I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers.
As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.
Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here.
They think they're on a romantic holiday.
Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years.
In fact, Leela's been here before.
When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.
The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends.
Well, that's that.
What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum.
Shut up, Guenter! You can't just put people on display.
It's cruel.
Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one.
Yes.
Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots.
But these idiots are our friends.
Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you.
It's so great being away from everyone.
Zoidberg and his awful stench.
Stanky.
Bender and his obnoxious ego.
But-but And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas.
Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years.
Guenter.
You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data.
For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (gasps) Wild human! Wild human! (gasps) Dr.
Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings.
(grunts) (gasping) Cheese it! ZOIDBERG: Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop.
(monkeys chittering loudly) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye.
After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (gasps) Back! Back, you beasts! Follow me.
The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose.
(grunting) (all panting) This way.
We can get in through the back of the human cage and (trumpets loudly) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (elephants trumpeting) (all screaming) ZOIDBERG: Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop.
(screaming continues) (roaring) (screaming) (barking) (screaming) (snarling) Okay, let's just get in, get out and Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course.
How long does it take to pass through a moon worm? All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here.
Hooray, they're saved! And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day.
No way! I'm not lying.
Also, Leela and I Had a very nice, very private vacation.
Let's just leave it at that.
Oh, can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them.
No.
You'll only make them feel bad.
Let's not humiliate them.
Listen to Sparkles.
Oh, no.
What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are.
(both laughing) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab.
(both laughing) Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip.
You were in a zoo!