Monk s07e15 Episode Script

Four coins, nothing in the hands.
Uno, dos, tres, quatro.
Watch carefully.
If you blink, you'll Miss it.
Coin n°1 jumps, or maybe I wanna jump overthere.
Or maybe it'll jump over there.
The 3rd coin can go in that corner.
The last one, the hardest one.
Here it is.
How does he do it? Why does he bother? Here.
Not really.
That's a lovely watch.
Can I borrow that? Thank you.
I'll trade you.
Your watch for This chick.
He says bring it back.
Don't you like chicks? Look! He says he will make this bullet disappear in your skull.
- Where is the watch? - That's a very good question.
Why don't you ask him? - How much? - 70 kilos.
It is the biggest shipment yet.
- Can you handle it? - Yes.
Absolutely.
No prob, no problem! He says there is only one magic trick he wishes to see.
He wants to see this heroin disappear from Thailand and magically reappear on the streets of San Francisco.
Is that a trick you can do? Absolutely.
-= 714 =- " Mr.
Monk and the Magician " VO : ¤Aka & YaYa¤ Subs-Addicts" [Sub-way.
fr.]
This goes here add this to this, you go here.
There you are.
I've been looking for you.
Subtracting that.
Subtracting that.
Subtracting that, and No.
That is Absolutely not right at all.
Applause, applause, applause.
Different music cue.
Show the cage.
It's gone.
And ahs from the audience.
That's when you bring on the cabinet.
You wheel it on.
There you go, big smile.
Give it a spin.
Right there.
Not too fast.
Let me see it.
That's lovely.
Okay.
Then we open.
Round about there's good.
We open the cabinet.
Nothing inside.
Everyone can see it's empty.
Nothing up my sleeves.
You go inside.
- Like this? - Perfection.
And Who's that? Dorfman, what are you doing here? - This is a closed rehearsal.
- Right.
Sorry.
I'm not looking.
I can't see anything.
Well, I can see my feet, actually.
I hope that's all right.
I am looking at them.
- This better be important.
- Okay.
Yes.
It is.
- It's about your - My what? - Why are you whispering? - Cause it's private.
Hi, Tanya.
Oh my! That is fantastic.
You are really the great Torini.
And I haven't even met the other Torinis.
I don't even know if they're halfway decent Torinis.
You know, it's funny.
I'm thinking about doing something similar in my own act.
As you know, i'm a magician as well.
Yes, Kevin, I've seen your act on amateur night.
Well, I'm not In your league, of course.
Not yet, anyway.
Here's the trick.
I use a cat.
Little persian kitten.
Hold it out like this.
Cover it with a handkerchief.
Abraca-Dorfman.
- It's a butterfly.
- Kevin, I'm very busy here.
I realize that.
Little problem.
I've been looking at your receipts from your last world tour.
Let me show ya this.
These are your airline receipts.
Your equipment, according to these, weighed more on the way back than on the way there.
- Really? - Yeah.
I checked the records.
Same thing happened last year and the year before that.
The airlines are ripping you off.
I say we get a lawyer, and I say we use the sobs.
You and me.
Let's get'em.
Yes! Well - Good work, Kevin, as always.
- Thank you.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Close the book.
Go ahead, close it.
All right.
I want you to forget about it.
Put it out of your mind.
We'll take care of this next week.
Right now I have a bigger problem.
I need your help.
I'm supposed to headline here saturday night.
- Something's just come up.
- Oh, my goodness.
I'm taking Tanya to Reno.
Truth is, I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
Get out.
That is wonderful.
Yeah, anyway, point is I need someone to fill in, and I wondered if - You'd be interested.
- My goodness.
Am I ready? - I been watching you.
You're natural.
- That true.
See, magic is all about self-confidence.
If you believe you can do something, you can do it! Then I can do it.
I can do it, and I'm gonna do it.
Thank you You will not regret this.
Well you might regret it a little bit.
But you won't regret that much.
And Has anyone seen my cane? I'm kind of in the mood to take a little stroll.
There it is.
I'm going to need Everybody in the crowd To say abraca-Dorfman.
How is that happening? - That's a good one.
How'd you do that? - It's not over yet.
Now it's over.
I'm sorry, but, a magician never reveals his tricks.
Okay, I'll tell ya.
It's a special wire.
You see, it's painted black, so it's invisible.
You see, you can't see it in the light, and it's attached To this coat rack.
You didn't even see the coat Rack.
Okay, wait.
Time out.
That's really.
I'm just curious.
How did you How did you get the job? It's an interesting story, actually.
I have a I have a friend at the, at the castle, and, Karl Torini.
He's more of a mentor, really.
But a friend.
We were chattin' it up yesterday, as friends do, about a lot of things, but mostly travel.
And I was pointing out to him that he is getting overcharged.
The airlines have been overcharging him for years! How can his equipment weigh more on his return trips than when he left? Anyway, to make a long.
Okay one second.
- To make a long story short.
- It's a little late for that.
He had to go to Reno and Kinda asked me to fill in for him.
Okay, and now it's time For my piece de resistance.
That means piece of resistance.
I call it The vanishing man.
Or lady.
The vanishing man or lady.
It's a temporary title.
I'm gonna need a volunteer from the audience.
Anyone want to, wanna volunteer, just raise your hand Raise your hand up high to - on stage with the, magician.
- Come on! You, sir! So gracious of you! I like that jacket.
Did somebody, have a garage sale? I'm joking, folks.
But seriously.
- Have we ever met before? - Kevin, i'm not gonna get in that box.
Just get in the box real quick for a second.
No.
I wa I was buried - I was buried live once - I understand.
There's just no way on god's green earth that i'm gonna get in that box.
- Disapointing lot of my fans out there.
- Just telling you.
Get in the box for a second, real quick.
Just real quick, get in the box.
A lotta people are gonna go home disappointed tonight.
Dorfman, ten minutes! You okay? I'm good.
I'm good.
Awesome.
Magic castle.
Yeah sure.
Yeah, hold on.
Hold on.
Everybody, it's Torini.
He's calling from Nevada, says he has some big news.
- Am I on speakerphone? - Yes, sir.
Go ahead.
We're all here.
Tanya and I have some great news.
We wanted everyone to know.
- Tanya, do you want to tell them? - No, you go ahead.
I just asked Tanya to marry me, and she said yes! I know.
It's the best trick I ever pulled off.
- Yes.
- It's Kevin Dorfman.
From back From back stage here.
I just wanted to let you know I am dedicating my show to you and Tanya.
- That's the icing on the cake.
- This is for you, guys.
And please let that be your card.
Is this your card that I magically pulled out of your ear? Is it a heart or a spade? Red or black? Is it a Jack of clubs? Say yes! Excellent! Thank you so much! Jack of clubs it was.
Give her a round of applause.
She was excellent.
Thank you.
And now, who wants to get sawed in Half? No? No one?All right.
You're leaving? Excellent.
Thanks so much.
Thanks so much for coming.
Nobody wants to be sawed in half.
No one? Fantastic.
Moving on for my final trick, i'd like for everybody Thank you, sir.
I'd like for everybody to say hello to Fluffy.
- Fluffy! - Hello, Fluffy.
Here he is.
Fluffy, say hello to everybody.
In the box.
Whoa, easy.
Fluffy come on.
Here we go.
Okay! Please, for the love of god.
Abraca-Dorfman.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Okay, excellent.
My name is Kevin Dorfman.
If you liked the show, please tell management, and, my goodness.
Don't look at my pants.
Please.
Everything's fine.
It's all part of the act.
This is this is part of it.
That really hurt me.
Nibbling.
Kay.
Hurt a little bit.
I'm going to leave now.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
I thought they only ate lettuce! What did you think? Gimme a minute.
I'm still absorbing it.
You know, I didn't think it was that bad.
There are three dead doves on that stage.
Presentation B-minus.
Energy A-minus.
Execution let's be honest.
D- plus.
D-minus.
But don't let it get you down.
You gotta just focus.
- What are you doin' here? - What do you think's keeping him? Shame.
Just a guess.
Mr.
Monk, why don't you go look for him, and I'll wait here.
Excuse me, i'm looking for the dressing rooms.
Thank you.
It's Adrian.
Congratulations Are you trying to levitate? Just a kid.
Did he say anything? Was he in trouble? Look I know this is tough.
If you wanna take a step back, go home, - everybody here would understand.
- I'm here.
Let's do it.
He was, asphyxiated.
Strangled.
Probably from behind.
The killer used a ligature, something thing and strong.
Probably piano wire.
- Can I see it? - We haven't found it yet.
Or he took it with him.
We don't know.
The killer It's a magician.
- What is that? - Black paint.
They paint their wires so they can't be seen.
Magician.
That's good.
You were the first one back here.
Did you see anybody? Well, there was a maintenance man.
Maybe he saw something.
The maintenance crew doesn't work on saturdays.
Oh, my god.
I saw him.
- You saw him.
- I saw the guy.
He was the nicest kid I ever knew.
I mean, last summer after the hurricane, he came over and cleaned out all my gutters.
Except for the garage.
But we didn't have gutters in the garage.
We have them now.
We didn't have them Then.
I put them in three weeks ago.
Yeah, actually, I had to redo the whole roof.
That's a nice picture.
I took that picture.
Took me two hours.
I wanted to get one where he wasn't talking.
- Well, you did it.
Right.
- Actually, I had to photoshop it.
- You must be Adrian Monk.
- That's right.
And Natalie.
I'm Kevin's aunt SheIla.
- We're so sorry for your loss.
- Thank you, dear.
I just feel like I know you folks! He talked about you all the time.
- God bless him.
- We had a little tradition.
He would call me every sunday and tell me all about his week.
We never missed a sunday.
I think that's What I'm gonna miss most of all Our sunday night chats.
Yes, ma'am.
He was very special.
Wait! I tell a lie.
We did Miss one sunday, 121/2 years ago.
That was the summer I traveled to italy with my mah-jongg group.
But we made up for it when I got back.
We spoke twice that week Friday and sunday.
- Imagine that.
- That's great.
Then there was the time my telephone service was interrupted.
No, wait.
That was a tuesday.
So that really would not have affected our I'm sorry.
I just rembered.
I'm - thirsty.
- You forgot you were thirsty? I've just been So busy.
So nice to meet you.
- So it's hereditary? - Apparently, it's a dominant trait.
You know what, I really am thirsty.
Excuse me.
Where did you get that? It's in the lobby just down the hall.
'scuse me, I'm looking for the dressing rooms.
- Who was that man? - That's Torini.
- That's Kevin's friend.
- He's the magician.
The best in the world.
That's what they say.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to introduce myself.
I'm Adrian Monk.
This is Natalie Teeger.
Yes, of course.
The famous detective.
Karl Torini.
My assistant, Tanya Adams.
Were you a friend of Kevin's, or are you working on the case? - Both.
Both.
- How's it going? There's nothing to report.
At least not yet.
- You worked with Kevin, didn't you? - Well, I didn't really know him.
I'm a featured performer.
He was usually in the back room, crunching numbers.
He was filling in for you on saturday night, wasn't he? Yes.
That's right.
It was a last-minute thing.
I took Tanya to Reno.
We got engaged.
- Congratulations.
- You're not wearing a ring.
I know, You know, it just happened so fast As you can imagine, after what happened We were so distraught that suddenly a ring just didn't seem so important.
Of course.
Well, if you'll excuse us, we'd like to pay our respects.
Good luck, Mr.
Monk.
He's the guy.
- Because of the ring? - Because he's the guy.
I saw him.
I recognize him.
He was there.
- He's the guy.
- Monk, Karl Torini was in Reno, as in Reno, Nevada, and he can prove it.
- He's the guy.
- Maybe he hired someone.
I sawhim.
He was there dressed as a maintenance man.
Captain, he killed Kevin.
He called the theater from Nevada just before the show.
- Maybe he called from someplace else.
- Nope.
We already checked.
Got the phone records right here.
"Call was placed from the sands regency hotel in Reno "at 9:55 pm.
"It was made from his hotel room.
It was a direct call.
It was not rerouted.
" Besides, he put the damn phone call on the speakerphone.
There were ten people that heard it.
We got statements from every one of them.
Monk, if you were the DA, what would you say? Look, you want me to dig, i'll grab a Shovel.
I'll dig for ya.
But you gotta tell me what to look for.
I don't know.
I don't know.
How long have you two been together? Six years.
See, Karl was in Toronto.
I was in the audience, believe it or not.
He needed someone to levitate.
I raised my hand.
- And now you're family.
- That's right! We bought it last night.
- It's official.
- Congratulations again.
Look! Bunnies.
Sweeties.
- Don't touch! - No, it's okay.
She can pet them.
No, she can't.
There are Karl's other assistants.
We breed them here.
It's cheaper than buying them.
They're they're breeding in the In the house? We'll be outside.
No, we won't be outside.
We're staying.
We're not leaving.
So did you know him very well? Kevin, I mean.
He lived in Mr.
Monk's building.
He was a neighbor.
Did he have any children? - Thank god for that.
- Don't ever cover them up? Leave'em out in the open, so close to the kitchen? Tanya, you know, if you know anything about what happened, you can talk to us.
You could call us anytime.
I don't know anything.
I was just, you know, asking.
I'll go see if Karl's ready.
Mr.
Monk, did you hear that? I think she knows something.
What are you doing? Just trying to figure out how it works.
No! I don't wanna know.
It ruins the effect! This one might be real.
Don't play with this one.
- I won't.
- What's that? It's called a zig-zag cabinet.
I designed it myself.
Please step away from the cabinet, Mr.
Monk.
Secrets of the trade, you understand.
God! - How'd you do that? - Misdirection, Miss Teeger.
The secret to every illusion Making the audience look where they shouldn't be looking.
For example Did you see that? Watch closely.
If it goes here, then it can't be over here.
If I take it in left hand and put it over there it can't be back over here, can it? It's hard to follow.
Sometimes people think he coin is too small.
I can make it bigger.
Tough room.
I'm sensing a little hostility.
The night Kevin was killed, you werein the theater.
I saw you backstage.
What? Really? You were dressed as a maintenance man - Weren't you? - Either you're mistaken Or you're bluffing.
I was 300 miles away.
And I can prove it.
Why did you have Kevin work for you that night? Well, as I explained to the police, I was leaving town, I need someone to fill in, i'd seen Kevin before and I thought he was - Quite wonderful.
- You know We saw Kevin's act.
He was dreadful.
God rest his soul.
You're wasting your time, Mr.
Monk! You know, I called the club just five minutes before Kevin went onstage.
It was a direct call From Reno, Nevada.
I'm sure you checked with the phone company.
Looks like it's gonna rain.
You killed him.
I know you did.
Why would I harm the boy? You don't have the why, and you don't have the how.
I love this part.
The look on their face When they can't figure it out.
This isn't some trick, Mr.
Torini.
This isn't a show.
Kevin was our friend.
He was a good man who never hurt anybody.
He was the sweetest, shyest person I ever met, and he was 34, and his life was just getting started.
This is the most brilliant detective in the world.
He's gonna figure out how you did it, and he's gonna prove it Aren't you? Aren't you? Well, if you're gonna catch me anyway, I suppose I - May as well just confess.
- What? - What do you mean? - In fact, I'll even put it in writing.
I hereby confess To the murder of Kevin - Dorfman.
- Dorfman.
Thank you.
Signed Here you go.
Congratulations.
- Where are you putting the trash? - I'm not! - I can't seem to throw anything out.
- Me neither.
I have to tell you something.
I mean, I have to tell someone.
- I feel terrible.
- What is it? He drove me insane.
He wouldn't shut up! The man would not shut up! One time He had a sore throat.
He talked for 21/2 hours about how much it hurt him to talk.
Honest, god forgive me, sometimes I'd hear him coming down the stairs.
I'd turn off all the lights, pretend I wasn't home.
It's okay.
Don't feel bad.
Everybody does that! Sometimes late at night when you call me and I see your name on the caller ID, I just Just don't feel bad.
- Where's my phone? - Are you gonna answer that? Where's I hear it.
- Where'd you put it? - Must have put it right here.
What did you It's Randy.
- Tell him to hold on.
- Randy, hold on.
Set the phone down.
- What? - Secret compartment.
Torini the magician.
All that equipment There must be secret compartments in everything.
How can his equipment weigh more on his return trips than when he left? - Randy, it's Adrian.
Are you there? - I think so.
- I think you just solved the case.
- Glad I could help.
Ladies and gentlemen, don't panic.
I'm a professional.
There you go.
All right, here we go.
I never know what to do with the walking cane after that trick.
I say we just get rid of it.
You guys have met the beautiful Tanya.
She looks fabulous in black, doesn't she? I think she'd look even better in blue.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the zig-zag cabinet.
Now, you may have seen other magicians perform this illusion.
They usually have their assistant get into the cabinet, but I just don't want to lose this one, so I'm going to do the very same trick with a complete stranger.
I need a volunteer.
Can we have the house lights up, please? Thank you.
Someone's amazing how everyone just looks the other way.
Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer.
The eager Miss Teeger.
You're volunteering? Really? Actually, I'd rather have your boss up here.
No, thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a celebrity in the audience tonight Adrian Monk, the world-famous detective.
Now, I've been reading a lot about Mr.
Monk.
No one has ever outwitted him.
Tonight i'd like to give that a try.
What do you think? - I can't do it.
- You have to do it.
Come on! It's kind of perfect, really.
I wanted a stranger, and there's really no one stranger than Adrian Monk.
I had more.
Not working with a full deck, Mr.
Monk? Thank you.
Mr.
Monk.
Let's bring him up.
Come up.
Are you nervous? Are you? Let's really scramble his brains.
Stand here, please.
Zig-zag cabinet.
In you go.
I forgot.
You're just a little bit claustrophobic, aren't you? Well, if you'd rather not give it a try Tanya would like to help Mr.
Monk with his jacket.
She's very good.
That's why I'm marrying her.
Perfect.
In you go, Mr.
Monk.
In you go.
How you doing in there, detective? - Not not not.
Not so well.
- Yes, fabulous.
Lovely.
Ladies and gentlemen, Tanya and I have performed this illusion over the world.
Do it for Kevin.
- I accidentally cut a woman in half.
- Do it for Kevin.
It's okay she's not living happily in Minneapolis and St.
Paul.
Comfy? Solid steel blades! Are you ready for this? Solid steel! Let's cut Mr.
Monk in too.
Check that out, Mr.
Monk.
One more! Watch.
And that's it! How are you doing in there, detective? - I got you.
- I beg your pardon? The real money is on the road.
Isn't that what you said? And what is that? That is a chemical test strip.
Your zig-zag cabinet just tested positive for heroin.
You've been using your props to smuggle drugs into the country.
- Here's what happened.
- Yes, well, thank you.
I almost forgot to mention sometimes the cabinet drives people completely batty.
I think we need to de-scramble him.
Let's go.
Adrian Monk, ladies and gentlemen.
He's gone.
What do you mean, you don't know! You're the damn magician! - What happened to him? - I know what more to tell you.
It's not supposed to be a vanishing act.
It's a simple prop gag.
Look, the sections move back and forth like this, and that's it, that's the whole gag! I'm as mystified as you are.
Yeah, you'd better get un-mystified, and fast.
Where's your assistant? Probably backstage.
You can scream all you want.
No one ever comes down here.
I'm gonna die In this room.
You're right.
He's gonna kill you, and then he's gonna burn your body in that furnace.
I was talking about the soot.
But what you say is worse.
It's much, much worse.
Any luck? He could be anywhere.
There must be 300 rooms in this place.
Gentlemen as much as I would love to stay, I have two shows tomorrow.
So if you want to talk to me again call my lawyer.
He's a better magician than I am.
Are you okay? I fall through trap doors all the time.
I know it hurts.
And look, I just want you to know this wasn't my idea, and I'm really sorry.
Sorry enough to to let me go? - You're not gonna answer that? - No.
It's just an extension.
Pipe tobacco.
Clever.
- What is? - How you killed my friend.
Misdirection, right? The secret to every illusion.
You and Torini went to Reno that weekend.
You checked in.
He made sure he was seen.
That afternoon, he snuck out of the hotel and drove back here.
He was down here in the basement.
He was hiding and waiting.
At 9:55 exactly, you called the theater.
The phone records were right.
The call did originate from Reno.
- Magic castle.
- Torini was on the extension phone.
Everyone assumed he was calling from Nevada.
- Am I on speakerphone? - Yes, sir.
Go ahead, we're all here.
Tanya and I have some great news.
We wanted everyone to know.
Tanya, do you wanna tell them? - No, you go ahead.
- Nobody knew.
Nobody could tell.
The killer was already in the building.
Karl, he knows! He knows, and I didn't tell him.
I swear I didn't tell him.
- He just figured it out! - He did? So what do you think, Mr.
Monk? You have to admit, the best tricks are the simplest? - What are we gonna do? - Like I told you onstage.
Make him disappear.
Hold still! Tanya, get down here and hold his legs! I don't think I can go through with this.
All right.
All right.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
You know what? Let me do it.
- You hold his legs.
- All right.
Good-bye, Mr.
Monk.
I'm sorry it had to end like this.
Looks like I'm gonna need a new assistant starting now! - Please, don't! - Wait! Let her go! Let her go! Put your hands up.
Hands up! Turn around! - You too.
You too! - Mr.
Monk, are you okay? Let me help you abraca-Dorfman, you son of a bitch.
Are you okay? My name is Kevin Dorfman, and this is what they call a video will.
Which means, sadly, if you're watching this, I am deceased.
Unless you're me, and I am watching it to see how I look.
Or i might have put it in the wrong case and lent it to you by accident.
That's also a possibility.
Or maybe you're Phil, the technician at the production company who's editing this video.
Or Phil is sick, possibly, and you're his assistant Craig.
Not Craig.
Greg.
I remember now.
- Craig left two years ago.
- Should I fast-forward? Greg, I'm sorry for screwing up your name like that.
- No.
- Craig went back to school - Let it play.
- To get his real estate license.
It wasn't real estate.
But it was a license.
What other licenses are there? It's the license, or a license.