Buffy the Vampire Slayer s07e16 Episode Script

Previously on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": We're your arch-nemesises ses.
Somebody! Help! We gotta get out of this town.
Mexico.
It's not a happy scenario, but we're dealing with the Big Bad that can be any dead person.
You know the rules.
I can't take corporeal form.
I don't think I can kill anybody else.
Look who I found.
Guess who was buying mass amounts of blood at the butcher's shop.
Andrew is our Actually, he's our hostage.
I like to think of myself more as a "guestage".
- They're all slayers? - Potential slayers.
There were many more like them all over the world, but now there's just a handful.
- Buffy? - Oh, Principal Wood.
I'd like to take you out to dinner.
- I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
- Great.
- How do you know about slayers? - My mother was one.
She was killed when I was four.
- A demon? - A vampire.
(# Bach "Brandenburg Concerto No.
3") Oh, hello there, gentle viewers.
You caught me catching up on an old favourite.
It's wonderful to get lost in a story, isn't it? Adventure and heroics and discovery.
Don't they just take you away? Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers.
Join me on a new voyage of the mind.
A little tale I like to call: "Buffy, Slayer of the Vampires".
(Andrew) It was cold last night and the wind was cruel, but the Slayer had a job to do.
Unfortunately, vampires have a job to do too.
Ouch! My goodness! Things look bad for the Slayer, don't they? She didn't see that second vampire, concealed by cover of darkness, - ready - (knocking) ready to attack and make her his own vampirical spawn.
- (knocking continues) - Let's rejoin them now to see For God's sakes, Andrew, you've been in here for 30 minutes.
What are you doing? Entertaining and educating.
Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us? That was great.
I got you dusting that guy on film.
Why do vampires show up on video? I told you I didn't want you doing that.
It's distracting.
I'll cut it together and do the intro tomorrow.
- "She was a woman in danger, or was she?" - Are you still filming me? Stop! But it's a valuable record.
An important document for the ages.
"A slayer in action.
" "A nerd in pain.
" Would they like that? Cos we could do that.
But the story needs to be told.
Birds need to fly and girls need to use the toilet.
Why were you video-taping yourself, anyway? Sounds like kinky business to me.
The world will wanna know about Buffy.
It's a story of ultimate triumph tinged with bitterness for what's been lost in the struggle.
- It's a legacy for future generations.
- If there are any.
Buffy thinks that this apocalypse is going to actually be apocalyptic.
I think your story seems pretty pointless.
Oh.
I was gonna interview you later today.
Cos, you know, your unique perspective on the whole thing.
Give it editorial balance and glamour.
Oh Well, balance is important.
People don't always take that into account.
I could bring that to you.
Absolutely.
Let's explore the world of our story, shall we? Buffy lives in Sunnydale, California.
This is the local high school.
There's a Hellmouth Hellmouth underneath the high school.
See, weird things happen on a Hellmouth.
It attracts all sorts of bad people and demons and vampires.
Now there's this thing in the basement of the high school called the Seal of Danzalthar, and it's sort of a door to the Hellmouth.
Due to some circumstances, it got opened up a little bit recently.
And this nasty, nasty vampire thing came out of it.
It was just awful.
It was awful.
This whole thing is being orchestrated by something called "the First".
It's made up of all the evil in the whole world.
Oh, there's also these guys.
They work for the First.
We don't know much about them except for they're very ugly and they're very mobile for blind people.
Is that all clear? - It's morning in Sunnydale - Who the hell's got the low-fat milk? It's morning in Sunnydale, and the women of Command Central take the time to fortify themselves for the day ahead.
- Hey! - (Andrew) Women and Xander.
Hey, I'm gonna do your special intro later.
"The man who is the heart of the Slayer machine.
" Yeah? The heart? Things are tense this morning.
Buffy is concerned with some unknown danger and the air is filled with foreboding.
- Oh, we're out of Raisin Bran.
- I'll put it on the list.
That's probably not the unknown danger.
Look at this place.
Damn girls' dorm is what it is.
That's nice.
Second-hand stinkiness.
It's a full house.
I think it's a good time to do some introductions, gentle viewers.
- I'm Amanda, and I grew up right here - Not you, sweetheart.
(Dawn laughs) Let's start from the top.
You've already met Buffy.
She's beautiful, with a lion's heart and the face of an angel.
She's never afraid because she knows her side will always win.
Buffy and Spike have some kind of history.
You can feel the heat between them, although technically, as a vampire, he's room temperature.
Anya - a feisty waif with a fiery temper and a vulnerable heart that she hides, even from herself.
This lovely girl- I don't remember her name.
Is he doing that again? Can't we make him stop? I don't know.
If we save the world, it will be kinda nice to have a record of it.
If we don't save the world, then nothing matters.
That's catchy, Amanda.
Let's make that our slogan.
It is strange how you keep saving the world, and there's not any proof.
Yeah.
For future generations.
And it does help the girls with training.
You know, viewing the tapes.
- No one else thinks this is idiotic? - (Xander) Or is it important? Buff, I don't get why this bothers you so much.
Because it's a waste of time.
Someone has to agree with me.
Spike? Long as you're not pointing it at me.
It keeps the boy busy.
This isn't about keeping busy.
This is about war.
I'm sorry to jump all over you guys, but I have to tell you what's really going on.
There's something new.
Amanda, Dawn, you're gonna stay home from school today.
We can survive what's coming, but not like this.
I had a vision of what's to come.
A horrible vision.
Hundreds upon hundreds Gentle viewers, these motivating speeches of hers tend to get a little long.
I'll take you back in there in a while.
In the in-between time, I thought you might want to know a little about me, your humble host.
You see, I'm a man with a burden.
A man with a dark past.
You see, I was once a supervillain.
Thus the validity of the Bronsted-Debye-Huckel equation at low ionic strength has been amply tested, and the charges on the reactant ions are well known, if their reagents are properly characterised.
- It smells funny.
- I know.
Kinda sweaty.
- What'll it do to Buffy? - Make her supermagnetic! - Wow! She won't be able to get out of her car.
- Knives and sharp things will fly at her.
We could walk by her, she'd not be able to stop us.
Unless we had metal belt buckles, then we'd stick to her.
In my plan, we are beltless.
Wow! You're the best, Andrew.
- Yep.
Good-looking and smart too.
- Yeah, wow! Warren was cool.
And wasn't Jonathan just the cutest thing? Well, shall we see if Buffy's still talking? I mean mentally.
And from what I've seen so far, there's no way you girls She's not done.
Even Willow looks bored and she can take a lot of that stuff.
Look at her.
Ooh, ooh.
Do you see that? That's important.
Willow and Kennedy have been in kind of a bad place lately, but things are looking up.
You see, Kennedy pursued the reluctant Willow and won her heart, only to find herself frightened when she saw the darkness within the witch's mind.
Side-note: I once had my own personal encounter with Dark Willow.
Jonathan.
Andrew.
You boys like magic, don't you? Abracadabra.
- (Jonathan yelps) - Haltem! OK.
Didn't see that coming.
- We have power you can't imagine.
- We do? You, Dark Willow, wield the force of mighty evil, it is true.
- But you are new to the game, little one.
- You know what they say.
- If at first, you don't succeed - Holy cats, here it comes again.
I deflect thy power.
Damn, that is one effective counterspell.
Thank you, little one.
Thank you.
She was something.
Indeed she was.
Hey, I think Buffy stopped talking.
That usually means she had to go to work.
Let's see what the little locusts left for breakfast, shall we? Not late.
Not late till the bell rings.
Hey! Hey! Break it up! - (bell) - Get to class.
Uh-oh.
Hey, shy girl.
Don't do this.
Oh.
- You knew I was there.
- Yeah.
- You noticed me.
- It's OK, I promise.
It may seem that What's wrong? The mirror said I was fat.
It said it.
I can't take this semester any more.
It's so much to handle.
Not only does Mr Hildebrand move up the trig exam, but it also covers three more chapters.
I've got an English paper due tomorrow.
I'm gonna explode.
Hey, I can help.
You just need to relax.
Maybe one of you guys could give him a foot rub? Something bad is going on.
- Is that right? - Oh, you're hurt.
What happened? Someone threw a rock at me as I got out of my car.
- I didn't get a chance to see who.
- It could have been any of 'em.
Students, teachers.
Something is going on today.
Yes, well, that occurred to me as I ducked the other two rocks.
Buffy, what the hell is this? - Everything.
- Slowly, I may be concussed here.
There's this thing that happens here, in this school, over the Hellmouth, where the way a thing feels it kind of starts being that way for real.
I've seen all these things before.
Just not all at once.
So, what, it's like hell's a-bustin' out all over? Exactly.
- What's the worst that can happen? - War, pretty much.
I see you're being amusing now with comical exaggeration.
Being in high school can feel like being at war.
Now it's true.
The students feel the teachers are out to get them.
The chess club resents the French club.
Everybody hates the cheerleaders.
If we don't do something, we'll have a riot on our hands.
And a lot of other nasty stuff too.
- Like what? - Aargh! Really shoulda had that foot rub.
Dawn is a typical American teenager - bubbly and sweet with a hunger for fun and a smile that lights up the room.
Hello.
Dawn used to be a key.
I don't really know what that means.
Hey.
Here's something I think you're going to be interested in, gentle viewers.
Look at the work Xander did replacing that window sash.
You can't even tell it's new, it blends in so well.
He's extraordinary.
You've dealt with this before? I mean, you've seen stuff like this in a high school? Sure.
You know, swim team monsters or killer prom dogs.
Again, not all at once.
So, what makes now so special? My guess, it's that seal thing in the basement.
All the Hellmouth's energy is trying to escape from that one spot, and it's getting all Focusy.
Careful.
You're starting to speak like me now.
This is Xander and Anya interview No.
1 for "Buffy, a Slayer of the Vampires".
That's what it's called? That or "Buffy, the Slayer Who Knew No Fear".
- I like that one.
- Thank you, Xander.
That's sweet of you.
I understand that exactly one year ago today you left Anya at the altar.
Any comment? - Whoa.
What the hell? - I just think people will be interested.
I know I am.
What do you have to say for yourself one year later? I've apologised enough.
That's what I have to say.
But it was something that called for an apology? Well, yes.
So you don't think it was the right thing to do? Of course he doesn't think it was.
- It was the right thing to do.
- What? Interesting.
I think we're getting to something.
Anya, if I had married you, it would have been against everything I thought was best.
- It wouldn't have worked.
- But we We still spark.
I getjealous of you.
You getjealous of me.
You still love me.
Is that true, Xander? Do you still love her? - I swear we just covered this thing up.
- It doesn't wanna stay hidden.
It wants to turn these kids into monsters and victims and who knows what.
It's more than that.
Look, Robin, I I had a vision the other day.
You have visions? - Sometimes.
- Oh.
Well, how do you know that they're notjust dreams? You're running to catch the bus naked? That's a dream.
Army of vicious vampire creatures? That's a vision.
- Also I was awake.
- A bus to where? - I mean, an army of how many? - Hundreds.
Maybe hundreds of hundreds.
All I know is the last Ubervamp I faced crawled out of that hole.
It makes me awfully nervous.
What are you doing? Have you ever really studied it? Gotten close? Well, I know it's a goat with its tongue out.
Willow did a search on the symbolic database, but it turns out everybody likes a good goat's tongue.
Rock groups, covens, Greek cookbooks.
She said she couldn't narrow it down.
- And you trust her? - Yes.
Why wouldn't I trust her? Why should any of you trust each other? You've all been evil.
No, that's not true.
Yeah, Willow had a bad patch, but I've never been.
Evil is what evil does, and I know what you're doing.
You're with that vampire, screwing that vampire.
You filthy whore! Robin, are you OK? Whoa What happened? I think it was controlling you.
Buffy, we gotta get rid of this seal.
Shut it down before it starts affecting everyone.
I have a pretty good idea who we should talk to.
Yeah? Who's that? The guy that fed it its first drop of blood.
(oinking) God, I hope that's not a student.
I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera.
Yet here you are again.
Would you sod off before I rip your throat out and (Andrew) Spike, the light was kinda behind you.
Oh, right.
Is this better then? I thought I told you to piss off with that camera.
Here you are again.
Would you sod off - You keep dodging the question.
- I don't mean to.
It's just You know how I feel, right? You were the one who didn't want to keep seeing each other.
Now we hop on the merry-go-round of rotating knives.
I blame you, and you blame me, and we both end up all cut to shreds.
Please just tell Do you still love me? Yes.
I still love you.
I always will.
I just don't know if that means anything for us.
I love you too.
I don't know if that means anything either.
Well, it's nice to hear.
I'm not gonna find anyone out there like you, am I? Doesn't seem likely.
I guess I'm more replaceable, obviously.
No.
There's no one like you, Xander.
You were willing to stand up to danger, even when you had no weapons.
You were ready to protect me with your life.
I guess we fit together pretty good.
(Anya) We fit together great.
(Xander) Sometimes I wanna be back in your life.
(Anya) I hope you know you never left my heart.
I'm not gonna find anyone out there like you, am I? Doesn't seem likely.
Heads up, Andrew.
We gotta talk.
- We just spent the day keeping a lid on a war.
- That would be very exciting on tape.
The school is out of control with energy from the Hellmouth.
It's time to help.
- Right now I'm more about the recording - No! No more watching.
The seal thing is your baby, and you gotta get in there before it tears everything apart.
(chanting) (voice) Desde abajo te devora.
Desde abajo te devora.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- Jesús.
Did you have it again? I had it again.
That voice"Desme abdul te debora.
" What does it mean? What does it mean? Let's try looking it up again in the morning in the dictionario.
- Holy cats, that was terrifying.
- We're fugitives.
Haunted by our past, tormented by a message we don't understand.
We're hunted men, driven mad by forces beyond our understanding.
We're men of faded power, tortured from within by a voice out of nowhere.
I don't deserve this.
I wasn't even that evil.
- I thought you were evil.
- Yeah? Sure.
I respected your ideas for evil projects.
I thought you had good follow-through.
Oh Well, thanks.
It's nice that you noticed.
(Willow) We're getting off track here.
I don't wanna do this any more.
Everyone's staring at me.
Just focus on the charm.
You have to focus on the charm to pull the memories out.
- Tell us about the seal.
- It tickles and I'm all tense.
- Can't I have a cool, refreshing Zima? - (Buffy) No Zima.
(Spike) Shut up about the Zima.
Just talk.
You were the first to feed the seal blood.
How did you know what to do? I don't know.
Stuff happened.
I forget.
So remember.
Look at the charm.
But I'm not a part of this.
I document, I don't participate.
I'm the journalist, recording with a neutral eye.
Andrew! Stop it, or I'm going to smash this camera over your head.
I might do that anyway, so talk.
- Stop going off topic.
- I wasn't off topic.
It's gonna get relevant in a second, because Jonathan's gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
(# sings "La Cucaracha") Did you get the knife? God - I'm glad to see you.
- Me too.
You're looking good.
Am I? I probably have pillow creases.
No, no, it's good.
You're a man on the run.
You have a wild, desperate thing going.
Did you did you get the knife? Yeah.
It wasn't easy.
I had to meet this demon guy who sells weird weapons and stuff.
- Show me.
- Well, I didn't buy them, but there were poison arrows and this sort of collapsible sword - Show me the knife! - Oh, right.
- Quick, before the shortcake comes back.
- Oh, it'll be a while.
He's got a shy bladder.
- Jonathan, you OK in there? - Don't talk to me.
I'm fine.
Pretty knife.
Except the stabbing I don't think I can do it.
Jonathan has been a good friend to me here in México.
He said he'll buy me a burro.
Oh, you can stab him.
It's all part of the plan.
That boy's blood is a powerful tribute.
It's a gift to something very big, very important, and, ultimately, won't even hurt him.
We get a reward.
You and me and him too.
- We live as gods.
- That's right, man.
The Trio.
Livin' as gods.
# We are gods # Oh, we are gods # We are as gods, we are as gods! There's power in that knife.
Drive the words deep into him.
It's the only way for us to get our reward.
Got it.
If I kill him with this knife, we live as gods.
Wait a second.
Go back.
What was that part again? You mean this part? # We are as gods Not that part.
We need to see that knife.
There's something there.
Kennedy, search his stuff.
It's not in my stuff.
It's in the kitchen in the cutlery drawer.
You didn't have any steak knives.
You put your old murder weapon in with our utensils? - I washed it.
- What are you looking for? He said the First said something about words.
"Drive the words deep into him.
" There was some carving on the blade.
I just thought it was a pattern.
Found it.
OK, you're Mr Demon-Summoner.
How are you with demon languages? Whoa, you were right.
It's in Tawarick.
It's, like, proto-Tawarick.
It's really, really old.
- But what's the big? - We've never known anything about this seal.
Now we know that this knife and this language are connected to it somehow.
- Andrew, do you speak Tawarick? - I'm OK with it.
It says "The blood which I spill I consecrate to the oldest evil.
" (Kennedy) Creepy.
Will, what are you thinking? You think you can do something with that? Let me work on it.
I think it's got a shot.
Guess what, Andy.
You just won yourself a free vacation to the Hellmouth.
So he can do what? Yell at it in its own language? - Maybe.
- What? - I'm not following.
- We have to deal with the seal right away.
We might have to shut the school, and I'm not losing more territory to the First.
Besides, it's all we've got.
The seal responds to this language somehow, or the First wouldn't have needed the knife.
Andrew knows the language, can talk to it, maybe give it commands.
Come on.
Robin, Spike, let's go.
- Riot that almost happened.
- Looks to me like it happened after all.
Looks to me like it's still happening.
Nice way to run a school.
There's gotta be kids injured in here.
Yeah.
Easy pickings for the likes of you.
- Hey, here to help, you know.
- Right.
Check out Spike and the principal.
There's something going on there.
Sexual tension you could cut with a knife.
(distant shouting) - These kids went nuts, didn't they? - No kidding.
- Shh, they'll hear you.
- Buffy, they're all the way down - Spike! - The kids are getting stronger.
(Andrew) Oh, God.
Struck down before I achieve redemption.
- Spike! Don't kill them.
They're just students.
- They'll live.
Spike, Wood, I need you to stay here, hold our line of retreat.
So I'll stay here with these men, helping out that holding the line thing.
I'll be with Buffy.
We make our way down the stairs, alert for any danger.
- Oh, stop it.
- I was just No more.
But I want the world to see what you do.
- This is too important to show the world.
- Ooh, I like that.
Be quiet! I don't want a biographer, especially a murderer.
Yeah, about that.
We keep tossing that word around, but that's not really what happened.
What? You stabbed Jonathan to death.
What were you trying to do? - Scratch his back from the front? - It was confusing.
Jonathan and I were digging, but Warren was there.
Only I could see him.
- (Andrew) Not one of them cares about you.
- But I care about them.
That's why I'm here.
- Do it.
Stab him.
- No, I can't do it.
- What? - Do it now.
- This isn't right.
- Stab him.
- Who are you talking to? - What's wrong with you? - Are you a little coward? - No.
But did you think I could use this? - That's good.
- A knife? - Just do it.
- What's going on? - He's making me do it.
- You tricked me.
- Damn you! I'll kill you first.
- Stab him.
You have to! - I'll kill you.
- If you fail, I'll hate you forever! No! See, I'm a man trapped by circumstances into paying for a crime I didn't even - What? - No, I just thought you would say that.
I saw the seal possess Wood like that earlier today.
Yes.
Yes.
See (Jonathan) That's why I'm here.
Die! Die! What have I done? Get out of my brain! Aargh! - You just changed your entire story.
- Did not.
- Ya did too.
- Did Hey, here we are.
- (chanting) - Wait.
- There's someone in there.
- We should go.
No.
We are going in.
Just be prepared.
The seal could have done anything to them.
Go.
Nope.
They're OK.
(Xander) Well.
- Well, well.
- That was nice.
It certainly was, you carpenter, you.
It's too bad Buffy took Spike's chains down, huh? You said it.
Mm I feel good.
Well, yeah.
I'm a spitfire in the bedroom.
Yeah, I knew we'd always do that again.
Yeah.
One more time, anyway.
Is that what that was? One more time? Do you think there should be more? I don't know.
It was nice.
It felt It felt like a one more time.
I think maybe we're really over.
Which is It's good, right? I mean Now we can move on.
Sure.
Wonder what's keeping 'em.
I thought they'd be up here by now.
How'd they make this in here, you suppose? Wood shop, I guess.
It's nice to know they pay attention in class.
She's like a woman fighting for more than life.
She fights like fighting is her life.
It is the air she breathes, and she knows she will win because there is no alternative.
It's your turn, Andrew.
So you figure, what? I I stand on the seal, and hold the knife, and command it to stop glowing in Tawarick? - Or we could do this.
- What? Doesn't really make sense, does it? Bringing you here to talk to it? This thing doesn't understand words.
It understands blood.
Blood opens it.
You don't wanna open it.
Opening it would be bad.
Yeah, Willow did a little research.
Turns out, the blood of the person that awoke it - you - different kinda deal.
It reverses the whole thing.
So how much blood? Are you gonna I don't know.
Maybe not enough to kill you.
So, this is my redemption at last.
I buy back my bruised soul with the blood of my heart.
But not enough to kill Stop! Stop telling stories.
Life isn't a story.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Shut up.
You always do this.
You make everything into a story, so no one's responsible for anything - because they're just following a script.
- Please don't kill me.
Warren said Jonathan would be OK.
I trusted him, and I lost my friend.
You didn't lose him.
You murdered him.
I know.
You don't need to kill me.
You said we could all get through this.
I made it up.
I'm making it all up.
So what kinda hero does that make me? No, you're doing great.
Really.
Kudos.
Yeah? Well, I don't like giving speeches about how we're all gonna live, because we won't.
This isn't some story where good triumphs because good triumphs.
Good people are going to die! Girls.
Maybe me.
Probably you.
Probably right now.
Don't Please.
Don't, please! When your blood pours out, it might save the world.
What do you think about that? Does it buy it all back? Are you redeemed? - No.
- Why not? Because I killed him.
Because I I listened to Warren, and I pretended I thought it was him, but I knew.
I knew it wasn't.
And I killed Jonathan.
And now you're gonna kill me.
And I'm scared, and I'm going to die.
And this this is what Jonathan felt.
(Andrew sobs) - It stopped.
- Didn't want blood.
It wanted tears.
Thanks.
- Sorry I had to - You So you weren't really gonna stab me, were you? I wasn't going to stab you.
What if the tears didn't work? - She got it done.
- Always has.
So far.
Here's the thing.
I killed my best friend.
There's a big fight coming, and I don't know what's gonna happen.
I don't even think I'm gonna live through it.
That's probably the way it should be.
I guess I'm # We are as gods