Friends s07e17 Episode Script
226414 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
The caterer sent me this list of 12 appetizers.
I have to narrow it to 6.
Food? Oh, give me.
Did Monica mention we're trying to get The Swing Kings to play the wedding? You're into swing music? I used to go all over town listening to bands.
- Chandler? - Gap commercial.
- Did you book them? Did you call? - I will.
- You want me to call? - I'll do it.
You stick to your job.
- What is your job? - Staying out of the way.
This is impossible.
Why don't you just pick all 15? - There were only 12.
- Oh, yeah, I added 3.
What are "peanut-butter fingers"? The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress Well, hello.
She's cute.
Should we go talk to her? Sure.
Being engaged, I'm not nervous to talk to pretty girls anymore.
Could you guys help me? Yeah, let me get that for you.
- It's really heavy.
- I got it.
So hi, I'm Ross, and this is my friend, Chandler.
I'm Kristen.
Hi.
Are you new to the area? I'd love to show you around sometime.
I actually just moved from four blocks over.
But this block is like another world.
Actually, it does have a very interesting history.
This street is the first in the city to have an underground sewer system.
Before that, sewage and waste would just flow right down the street.
Sometimes ankle-deep.
Smooth.
Excuse me? You're gonna be starving after moving.
What do you say I take you to dinner? - I'd like that.
- Great.
Let me take this up.
- After you.
- Oh, no.
After you.
Oh, my God! Am I crazy, or does this totally go? Oh, my God! You look so beautiful! Thank you, Rachel.
But look at Monica! This is it.
Yeah, this is the one.
I can't believe I found it.
Wow, you look so beautiful.
If I knew you, I'd cry.
I'm Monica Geller.
Ball like a baby.
I'm Megan Bailey.
- Have you found your dress? - These dresses are amazing but I couldn't afford one.
- I can't either.
I'm here to figure out the one I want, then I'll get it at Kleinman's.
They're having a huge sale.
- Thanks for the tip.
- When are you getting married? - I'm not.
I just like to try them on.
- I do the same thing.
I'm just kidding.
I'm getting married July 25th.
I'm just kidding too.
I'm getting married in December.
- When are you getting married? - May 15th.
It's close.
Who's your photographer? - Jeffrey.
- We met with him.
- Did he show you nude wedding photos? - The Best Man? Wow! I know.
I almost called off my wedding.
- Who's your band? - My fiancé wants The Swing Kings.
You're lucky.
My fiancé wants the heavy metal band, Carcass.
Is that spelled with a "C" or a "K"? It doesn't matter, they're both great! Oh, don't buy that here.
Now that you know what you want, go to Kleinman's.
This place is so overpriced.
I own this store.
So does this come in another color, or .
Hi.
You moving in or moving out? - Moving in.
- Can I help out? Okay, but be careful.
The guy who was helping before hurt his back.
- Boyfriend? - No.
I'm Joey.
Kristen.
What a beautiful name.
What is it again? Kristen.
- You live around here? - Right down there.
Let me give you a tip.
Don't take a nap on this stoop.
You could wake up without shoes.
I'll remember that.
Listen, would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I have plans tonight.
How about tomorrow? Sounds great.
Well, where does this go? You look strong.
Why don't you grab one of the boxes.
Yeah, I'll get this one.
So this is Brooklyn? Listen up.
There's only one dress in each size.
So when they open those doors, fan out.
This is what you're looking for.
Memorize it.
When you locate the dress, blow on these, all right? Three sharp blasts.
When you hear it, come running.
Here he comes! - They're pushing! - Don't be a baby! - Out of the way! - Let's go! Rachel?! Come on! No, not it.
Not it.
Not it.
Don't crowd me.
This is it! This is the dress! It's perfect! I'm sorry, this one's taken! - Megan! - Monica! - You came! - Yeah! - This is my dress! - No! - You saw me wearing it.
- And now you'll see me buying it.
You freak! You wouldn't even know about this place without me.
- Look, you don't want to fight me.
- Maybe I do.
I'm pretty feisty! - I'm coming! I'm coming! - Hey! Okay! Hey? Oh, what do I do?! What are you doing? Did you find the dress? Did you find the dress? No.
You gotta get me out of here.
- We've gotta get Monica.
- You hold my hand! Excuse me! Excuse me! Go! Go! Go! How was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with every flush? Laugh all you want, but she said she'd like to go out again.
In fact, I'll go call her right now.
And I'll make sure and tell her my friend Chandler says .
Sorry I didn't stop by last night, but I had a date.
When it's 1:00 in the morning and you don't come by, that's okay.
It was with this really hot girl who moved in across the street.
- Right across the street? - Yeah.
- When did you meet her? - Two days ago.
Excellent! You know, Ross met somebody too.
- Hey.
- How'd it go? We're going out again Saturday.
But I found out she's also seeing some other guy.
Really? Joe, what would you do if you were in Ross' situation? I am.
I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy.
But I'm not worried about it.
You shouldn't be.
I wouldn't want to be the guy who's up against you.
I mean, that doofus is going to lose.
So this is nice.
I wish I didn't have to go.
Believe me.
But I have to.
So, what's the name of the girl you're dating? - Kristen Leigh.
- Bye.
Well, only one of us can keep dating her.
Obviously.
So how do we decide? Well, now, let's look at this objectively.
I think I should date her.
Or I'm the one who dates her.
That's interesting.
But check this out.
I date her.
Okay, but to go in another direction Okay.
This can go on for a while.
- We should order some food then.
- No, Joey.
Look, why don't we just let her decide, okay? We'll each go out with her one more time.
And we'll see who she likes best.
That sounds fair.
Maybe I'll take her to that new French restaurant.
Wait a second.
We have to set a spending limit.
I can't take her to a fancy place like that.
Well, sorry.
That's what I do on dates.
Well, I guess I'll just have to do what I do on dates.
- So let's decide on a spending limit.
- Yeah.
And a slice six dollars? - I was thinking more like 100.
- Okay.
Can I borrow 94 dollars? I know.
Can you hand me a tissue? You're out of Diet Coke.
Hello? What? You what? You listen here, missy! Megan booked The Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said she'd only give them back for the dress! Does that mean Carcass is available? What am I gonna do? That's the dress! That is "the" dress! Chandler wants the band.
What do I do? - Figure out how to talk him out of it.
- How? You're out of toilet paper! I wanted to wish you good luck on your date.
- Thanks.
- What time are you meeting? We have reservations at Grand Merci Bistro at 8.
That's in 20 minutes.
You'd better get dressed.
- I am dressed.
- Oh, well, good.
For me.
What's this? Did you give yourself a facial? I have an oily T-zone.
Okay, dude.
- You sent Kristen flowers? - That's right.
You spent 100 dollars.
That's the limit.
You're screwed! I sent the flowers before the actual date, so technically I didn't break any rules.
Thanks for stopping by though.
That's how it's gonna be? I can break the rules too.
- What are you gonna do? - I don't know.
- I'm not surprised.
- You won't get away with this.
- You don't have much choice.
- We'll see! Hey! So, just a light layer? Yeah, just here and there.
Joey got meat sauce on the banister again.
Swing music is so out.
He's gotta be in the room for that to work.
What are you guys talking about? We're talking about The Swing Kings and whether they're the right way to go.
I went to a wedding where they had swing music two months later the couple divorced.
I'm not saying there's any connection here but they did say that's why they got divorced.
But I love swing music! But The Swing Kings? They suck so much that people die at their concerts.
They stop living.
When Monica and I went to see them, we had fun.
And there's another reason.
- Well, what is the other reason? - I don't want to say.
Well, you have to, because maybe it's stupid.
It's just, while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman that I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Oh, crap.
- Our table will be ready soon.
- Oh, great.
- Is your back feeling better? - That's fine.
I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasm out of control.
- Kristen? - Joey! - What are you doing here? - I like this place.
And technically, I'm not breaking any rules, so .
Well, Ross, this is Joey.
Joey, Ross.
- Hi.
- Hi.
It's nice to meet you.
I used to have a friend named Joey.
I don't anymore.
Our table will be ready in a couple minutes.
Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks! So, Joey, you look familiar.
Are you on TV or something? He doesn't like to talk about it but he's one of the stars of Days of Our Lives.
That's right.
Don't you play a woman? A woman in a man's body.
Much better.
It's funny, because you look familiar to me too.
Have you ever been married? Yes, I have.
In fact, just the other day Kris and I talked about how I've been married and have a son.
- Little Eric.
- That's right.
Wait.
No, Ben.
So you've just been married the one time then? - Well .
- You've been married twice? Yes.
And another time after that.
Boy, I'm getting hungry.
Have you ever been so hungry on a date that when the girl goes to the bathroom, you eat her food? You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
So, Ross, now why did that first marriage break up? Was it because the woman was straight or because she was a lesbian? - Do you two know each other? - No.
But he seems like a guy who'd marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea? Have you ever slept in the same bed with a monkey? You leave Marcel out of this! Fine! You ever gotten stuck in a pair of leather pants? Have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet, VD-boy? Monkey-lover! Where do you think we lost her? Probably around gonorrhea.
- Hi, honey, I'm home! - Don't come in here! Why, do you have another boyfriend in there? No.
We only mess around at his place.
I started it, but now it's scaring me, so could you come out here? I'm wearing a wedding dress.
You got a wedding dress? - Yeah, but I'm not keeping it.
- Then why can't I see it? Oh.
I guess you can.
But I have to return it, so you can't like it.
Okay, I promise.
I'll hate it.
Wow.
You look hideous.
Really? Yeah.
That's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen.
Why do you have to return it? Because it doesn't really fit.
Oh, I booked The Swing Kings.
Oh, that's great.
Thanks.
But that dress is terrible.
- It makes me want to rip it off you.
- Okay.
But you can't rip it.
Well, maybe a little.
Guys, you want to look at the song list for the wedding? Guys? I thought you'd be gone all day.
All right, what's going on? I'm sorry.
I should probably leave you girls alone.
Laugh all you want, but in 10 minutes we'll have younger-looking skin.
You know, she could use a little .
Oh, nice shot! Yeah!
I have to narrow it to 6.
Food? Oh, give me.
Did Monica mention we're trying to get The Swing Kings to play the wedding? You're into swing music? I used to go all over town listening to bands.
- Chandler? - Gap commercial.
- Did you book them? Did you call? - I will.
- You want me to call? - I'll do it.
You stick to your job.
- What is your job? - Staying out of the way.
This is impossible.
Why don't you just pick all 15? - There were only 12.
- Oh, yeah, I added 3.
What are "peanut-butter fingers"? The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress Well, hello.
She's cute.
Should we go talk to her? Sure.
Being engaged, I'm not nervous to talk to pretty girls anymore.
Could you guys help me? Yeah, let me get that for you.
- It's really heavy.
- I got it.
So hi, I'm Ross, and this is my friend, Chandler.
I'm Kristen.
Hi.
Are you new to the area? I'd love to show you around sometime.
I actually just moved from four blocks over.
But this block is like another world.
Actually, it does have a very interesting history.
This street is the first in the city to have an underground sewer system.
Before that, sewage and waste would just flow right down the street.
Sometimes ankle-deep.
Smooth.
Excuse me? You're gonna be starving after moving.
What do you say I take you to dinner? - I'd like that.
- Great.
Let me take this up.
- After you.
- Oh, no.
After you.
Oh, my God! Am I crazy, or does this totally go? Oh, my God! You look so beautiful! Thank you, Rachel.
But look at Monica! This is it.
Yeah, this is the one.
I can't believe I found it.
Wow, you look so beautiful.
If I knew you, I'd cry.
I'm Monica Geller.
Ball like a baby.
I'm Megan Bailey.
- Have you found your dress? - These dresses are amazing but I couldn't afford one.
- I can't either.
I'm here to figure out the one I want, then I'll get it at Kleinman's.
They're having a huge sale.
- Thanks for the tip.
- When are you getting married? - I'm not.
I just like to try them on.
- I do the same thing.
I'm just kidding.
I'm getting married July 25th.
I'm just kidding too.
I'm getting married in December.
- When are you getting married? - May 15th.
It's close.
Who's your photographer? - Jeffrey.
- We met with him.
- Did he show you nude wedding photos? - The Best Man? Wow! I know.
I almost called off my wedding.
- Who's your band? - My fiancé wants The Swing Kings.
You're lucky.
My fiancé wants the heavy metal band, Carcass.
Is that spelled with a "C" or a "K"? It doesn't matter, they're both great! Oh, don't buy that here.
Now that you know what you want, go to Kleinman's.
This place is so overpriced.
I own this store.
So does this come in another color, or .
Hi.
You moving in or moving out? - Moving in.
- Can I help out? Okay, but be careful.
The guy who was helping before hurt his back.
- Boyfriend? - No.
I'm Joey.
Kristen.
What a beautiful name.
What is it again? Kristen.
- You live around here? - Right down there.
Let me give you a tip.
Don't take a nap on this stoop.
You could wake up without shoes.
I'll remember that.
Listen, would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I have plans tonight.
How about tomorrow? Sounds great.
Well, where does this go? You look strong.
Why don't you grab one of the boxes.
Yeah, I'll get this one.
So this is Brooklyn? Listen up.
There's only one dress in each size.
So when they open those doors, fan out.
This is what you're looking for.
Memorize it.
When you locate the dress, blow on these, all right? Three sharp blasts.
When you hear it, come running.
Here he comes! - They're pushing! - Don't be a baby! - Out of the way! - Let's go! Rachel?! Come on! No, not it.
Not it.
Not it.
Don't crowd me.
This is it! This is the dress! It's perfect! I'm sorry, this one's taken! - Megan! - Monica! - You came! - Yeah! - This is my dress! - No! - You saw me wearing it.
- And now you'll see me buying it.
You freak! You wouldn't even know about this place without me.
- Look, you don't want to fight me.
- Maybe I do.
I'm pretty feisty! - I'm coming! I'm coming! - Hey! Okay! Hey? Oh, what do I do?! What are you doing? Did you find the dress? Did you find the dress? No.
You gotta get me out of here.
- We've gotta get Monica.
- You hold my hand! Excuse me! Excuse me! Go! Go! Go! How was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with every flush? Laugh all you want, but she said she'd like to go out again.
In fact, I'll go call her right now.
And I'll make sure and tell her my friend Chandler says .
Sorry I didn't stop by last night, but I had a date.
When it's 1:00 in the morning and you don't come by, that's okay.
It was with this really hot girl who moved in across the street.
- Right across the street? - Yeah.
- When did you meet her? - Two days ago.
Excellent! You know, Ross met somebody too.
- Hey.
- How'd it go? We're going out again Saturday.
But I found out she's also seeing some other guy.
Really? Joe, what would you do if you were in Ross' situation? I am.
I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy.
But I'm not worried about it.
You shouldn't be.
I wouldn't want to be the guy who's up against you.
I mean, that doofus is going to lose.
So this is nice.
I wish I didn't have to go.
Believe me.
But I have to.
So, what's the name of the girl you're dating? - Kristen Leigh.
- Bye.
Well, only one of us can keep dating her.
Obviously.
So how do we decide? Well, now, let's look at this objectively.
I think I should date her.
Or I'm the one who dates her.
That's interesting.
But check this out.
I date her.
Okay, but to go in another direction Okay.
This can go on for a while.
- We should order some food then.
- No, Joey.
Look, why don't we just let her decide, okay? We'll each go out with her one more time.
And we'll see who she likes best.
That sounds fair.
Maybe I'll take her to that new French restaurant.
Wait a second.
We have to set a spending limit.
I can't take her to a fancy place like that.
Well, sorry.
That's what I do on dates.
Well, I guess I'll just have to do what I do on dates.
- So let's decide on a spending limit.
- Yeah.
And a slice six dollars? - I was thinking more like 100.
- Okay.
Can I borrow 94 dollars? I know.
Can you hand me a tissue? You're out of Diet Coke.
Hello? What? You what? You listen here, missy! Megan booked The Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said she'd only give them back for the dress! Does that mean Carcass is available? What am I gonna do? That's the dress! That is "the" dress! Chandler wants the band.
What do I do? - Figure out how to talk him out of it.
- How? You're out of toilet paper! I wanted to wish you good luck on your date.
- Thanks.
- What time are you meeting? We have reservations at Grand Merci Bistro at 8.
That's in 20 minutes.
You'd better get dressed.
- I am dressed.
- Oh, well, good.
For me.
What's this? Did you give yourself a facial? I have an oily T-zone.
Okay, dude.
- You sent Kristen flowers? - That's right.
You spent 100 dollars.
That's the limit.
You're screwed! I sent the flowers before the actual date, so technically I didn't break any rules.
Thanks for stopping by though.
That's how it's gonna be? I can break the rules too.
- What are you gonna do? - I don't know.
- I'm not surprised.
- You won't get away with this.
- You don't have much choice.
- We'll see! Hey! So, just a light layer? Yeah, just here and there.
Joey got meat sauce on the banister again.
Swing music is so out.
He's gotta be in the room for that to work.
What are you guys talking about? We're talking about The Swing Kings and whether they're the right way to go.
I went to a wedding where they had swing music two months later the couple divorced.
I'm not saying there's any connection here but they did say that's why they got divorced.
But I love swing music! But The Swing Kings? They suck so much that people die at their concerts.
They stop living.
When Monica and I went to see them, we had fun.
And there's another reason.
- Well, what is the other reason? - I don't want to say.
Well, you have to, because maybe it's stupid.
It's just, while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman that I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Oh, crap.
- Our table will be ready soon.
- Oh, great.
- Is your back feeling better? - That's fine.
I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasm out of control.
- Kristen? - Joey! - What are you doing here? - I like this place.
And technically, I'm not breaking any rules, so .
Well, Ross, this is Joey.
Joey, Ross.
- Hi.
- Hi.
It's nice to meet you.
I used to have a friend named Joey.
I don't anymore.
Our table will be ready in a couple minutes.
Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks! So, Joey, you look familiar.
Are you on TV or something? He doesn't like to talk about it but he's one of the stars of Days of Our Lives.
That's right.
Don't you play a woman? A woman in a man's body.
Much better.
It's funny, because you look familiar to me too.
Have you ever been married? Yes, I have.
In fact, just the other day Kris and I talked about how I've been married and have a son.
- Little Eric.
- That's right.
Wait.
No, Ben.
So you've just been married the one time then? - Well .
- You've been married twice? Yes.
And another time after that.
Boy, I'm getting hungry.
Have you ever been so hungry on a date that when the girl goes to the bathroom, you eat her food? You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
So, Ross, now why did that first marriage break up? Was it because the woman was straight or because she was a lesbian? - Do you two know each other? - No.
But he seems like a guy who'd marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea? Have you ever slept in the same bed with a monkey? You leave Marcel out of this! Fine! You ever gotten stuck in a pair of leather pants? Have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet, VD-boy? Monkey-lover! Where do you think we lost her? Probably around gonorrhea.
- Hi, honey, I'm home! - Don't come in here! Why, do you have another boyfriend in there? No.
We only mess around at his place.
I started it, but now it's scaring me, so could you come out here? I'm wearing a wedding dress.
You got a wedding dress? - Yeah, but I'm not keeping it.
- Then why can't I see it? Oh.
I guess you can.
But I have to return it, so you can't like it.
Okay, I promise.
I'll hate it.
Wow.
You look hideous.
Really? Yeah.
That's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen.
Why do you have to return it? Because it doesn't really fit.
Oh, I booked The Swing Kings.
Oh, that's great.
Thanks.
But that dress is terrible.
- It makes me want to rip it off you.
- Okay.
But you can't rip it.
Well, maybe a little.
Guys, you want to look at the song list for the wedding? Guys? I thought you'd be gone all day.
All right, what's going on? I'm sorry.
I should probably leave you girls alone.
Laugh all you want, but in 10 minutes we'll have younger-looking skin.
You know, she could use a little .
Oh, nice shot! Yeah!