Star Trek: Voyager s07e19 Episode Script
Q2
Though it was a blatant violation of the Prime Directive, Kirk saved the Pelosians from extinction, just as he had the Baezians and the Chenari, many years earlier.
Finally, in the year 2270, Kirk completed his historic five-year mission, and one of the greatest chapters in Starfleet history came to a close.
A new chapter began when Kirk regained command of the Enterprise.
How many more chapters are there? Thirty-four.
This was supposed to be a 20-minute presentation.
l was trying to be thorough.
l-l could shorten the report.
That won't be necessary.
You obviously know the subject matter.
Congratulations, Cadet.
You have just passed Early Starfleet History.
Thank you, Captain.
l would've failed him.
Kirk may have been a lowly human, but at least he had pizzazz.
That report made him sound about as exciting as a Vulcan funeral dirge.
Janeway to Security.
Don't bother.
l trapped your crew in a temporal loop.
They keep experiencing the last 30 seconds over and over.
Almost as monotonous as drone boy's essay.
Who are you? l know he's grown since you last saw him, Kathy, but don't tell me you can't see the family resemblance.
This is my son Q.
l'm a little hurt you didn't recognize Junior.
You are his godmother, after all.
The last time l saw him, he was an infant.
Four years ago in human time.
You called me ''adorable.
'' You remember? l may have looked like an infant, but l was still a Q.
Maybe you should've picked a better godparent.
l wonder if it's too late to ask Jean-Luc.
What do you want, Q? Oh, Junior's taking a little vacation from the Continuum.
l recommended he spend it with you.
Why? Oh, he's always been fascinated by the old man's stories about humanity.
l thought it was time he has some firsthand experience.
l am flattered that you would entrust me with your firstborn, but l really don't have time.
He's as quiet as a Z yznian church mouse.
You'll forget he's even here.
Well, if you're going to stay, we'll need to lay down a few ground rules.
l make my own rules.
l'm not detecting either Q.
l want to be alerted if they resurface.
Keep running scans.
Scan, scan, scan.
That's all you people ever do.
l've been through every deck on this ship, and do you know what l've seen? Bipeds pushing buttons, bipeds replacing relays, bipeds running diagnostics.
When are you going to do something interesting? Say hello to Q, everyone.
We could fly into fluidic space and fight species 8472 or we could detonate a few Omega molecules.
What do you say? No.
l'm already bored.
l guess l'm just going to have to amuse myself.
Torres to the Captain.
l need you in Engineering.
Once dance, B'Elanna! That's all l ask-- one dance.
lf he doesn't stop his little light show, the warp core's going to breach.
Relax.
lt's a party.
This party is over.
Get your guests off my ship.
l like you, Aunt Kathy.
You've got gumption, but what you don't have is unlimited control of space, matter and time, which means l give the orders around here.
l could assemble a security team and attempt to take Engineering by force.
We all know that wouldn't do any good.
Besides, l'll bet that's exactly the kind of reaction he's hoping for.
He's doing everything he can to get under our skin.
lf we deny him the satisfaction of a response, he may become bored and return to the Continuum.
Talk about perfection.
lf you're attempting to embarrass me, you won't succeed.
l'm just observing humanity.
Aren't you going to scamper away, make some futile attempt to cover yourself? Coffee, black.
Make it yourself.
You can thank Q's son.
He thought the computer needed more personality.
Charming.
l've been giving some thought to the Q situation.
Maybe ignoring him isn't the best solution.
l'm open to suggestions.
He may be omnipotent, but he's still a young man in need of guidance.
Perhaps if someone were to approach him as a friend.
You think he needs a mentor.
Exactly.
Are you volunteering? Well, l am good with children.
Q is no ordinary child.
l'm no ordinary mentor.
Can l help you, Kitchen Rat? l thought you and l could spend some time together.
Ha! Excellent maneuver.
What are you watching? What's it look like? lt's a battle between the Vojeans and the Wyngari.
We passed through that region a few months ago.
They were at peace.
Not anymore.
Watch this.
You have to stop this.
lt's not like there's anything else to do.
We could play Kadis-Kot.
Are there explosions in Kadis-Kot? Well, no Well, then l'm not interested.
lnstead of hurting people, maybe you could help them.
The Wyngari are suffering a food shortage on their world.
Maybe you could use your powers to You know what, Talaxian? You talk too much.
His jaw's been fused and his vocal cords removed.
l might be able to undo some of the cosmetic damage, but only Q can restore his voice.
Janeway to the Bridge.
Report.
l've got a surprise for you, Captain.
Come see.
Q said l should pay attention to how you humans act under pressure.
ls this enough pressure? We're venting plasma.
Reroute power to aft shields and return fire.
You're just prolonging the inevitable.
We've defeated the Borg before.
We'll do it again.
Not this time.
Weapons are off-line.
l'm losing thrusters.
Shields are down.
We were just getting to the good part.
lf the Continuum's told you once, they've told you a thousand times: Don't provoke the Borg! Now l want you to give Aunt Kathy your word, you won't do it again.
Oh, he won't do it again, because he's leaving now.
Excuse us, son.
The grownups need a moment in private.
He isn't so bad, once you get to know him.
He's just misunderstood.
He tried to kill my crew.
No one was hurt.
l-l repaired the damage to your ship.
l even gave your pet Talaxian his vocal cords back.
Everything's exactly as it was.
And how long do you think it will take your son to come up with another way to amuse himself? Oh lf you knew he was dangerous, why did you send him here? Ah, is this another lesson for humanity? lt's supposed to be a lesson for him.
Think back to my last visit.
l made you the offer of a lifetime.
Asking me to mate with you was hardly the offer of a lifetime.
lf you hadn't turned me down, l wouldn't have been forced to mate -with that other Q.
-Oh, get to the point.
My point is, Junior was supposed to inspire peace and compassion, but instead of order, he's brought chaos.
He's been starting wars among innocent species, tampering with primordial gene pools, punching holes in the fabric of space-time.
Where's his mother been during all this? She's been so humiliated by his antics, she's disowned him, and she's blamed me for everything.
l've managed to undo most of the damage, but that wasn't good enough for the Continuum.
They're hounding me to straighten the boy out.
That's why l brought him here, in hopes that your vaunted Starfleet ideals would rub off on him.
Obviously, that hasn't happened.
You can't just dump your child on someone and hope he learns something.
l can't? He needs to be parented.
And how exactly am l supposed to do that? Q is the first child born in the Continuum, which makes me the first parent.
l don't even know where to begin.
You could start by spending time with him.
Parenthood is more than just cleaning up your child's messes.
You need to set an example.
lt's the only way he'll learn.
Of course.
Once he begins to know me better, he'll idolize me.
Then he'll do anything l say.
Kathy.
You're a genius.
l've made a full sensor sweep.
There's no sign of any more Borg vessels.
The boy? He's gone.
l am going to my quarters.
You have the Bridge.
l take it back-- you're not a genius.
Mm.
l should've known better than to take the advice of a human.
Q! Your brilliant plan didn't work.
l smothered the boy with attention, spent every waking moment with him, but things only got worse.
You've been gone for less than ten minutes.
On your temporal plane, maybe, but in Q time, we've spent years together.
Now he's embarrassed to be seen with me, and it's all your fault.
My fault? Tell me how you plan to rectify the situation.
What happened after you left Voyager?.
Well, Q got away from me and rearranged the tectonic plates on Bozel Prime.
Did you punish him? Well, l tried to get him to apologize to all 16 billion Bozelians, but he got angry and stopped talking to me.
So you gave in to him.
l told him he could shift as many continents as he liked, as long as no one got hurt.
You're not going to do your son any favors by indulging him.
You need to make him understand that there are consequences to his actions.
Consequences? Hmm.
Kathy, l take it back.
You are a genius.
l think that's long enough.
What was that for? What's wrong-- you didn't enjoy life as an Oprelian amoeba? No.
l was shapeless and slimy.
The only thing to eat was paramecia.
Sounds unpleasant.
l'm sure you'll do whatever you can to avoid returning to that petri dish.
What are you talking about? The Continuum and l have come to an agreement about your future.
Either you become an upstanding citizen of the cosmos, or you'll be sentenced to eternity as an amoeba.
How's that for consequences? You'd turn your own son into a microscopic life-form? You have one week to change your ways.
l suggest you make the most of it.
Fine.
l'll see you in seven days.
We've temporarily relieved you of your powers, to ensure that you're on your best behavior with the Captain.
You're leaving me here? l thought we agreed that you were going to take a more active role.
l'd like to, Kathy, but we both know that you're a million times the parent l am.
l'm not a parent.
Well, maybe not in a biological sense, but you're certainly a mommy to this crew.
Just look how quickly you housebroke that Borg drone.
lt's taken years for Seven to become an individual.
You're asking me to change your son in one week? l'm sure you'll think of something.
What if she doesn't? Then it's single-cellular city for you, my boy.
l'm getting off this ship.
Janeway to Security.
What you no longer have, Q, is unlimited control of space, matter and time, which means l give the orders around here.
Do l make myself clear? Your quarters.
The petri dish was less cramped.
Get some sleep-- you're going to need it.
What for? l'm preparing a curriculum for you to follow while you're here.
You're going to learn respect and responsibility.
Don't tell me you're actually going through with Q's plan.
l may not approve of his methods, but, for once, his heart seems to be in the right place.
l think his desire to help you is genuine.
He abandoned me on an antiquated flying machine run by primates.
We primates are your only hope.
Seven days? How hard could it be? Seven of Nine will be instructing you in spatial causality.
You will learn how your actions can have widespread repercussions.
l read the padd.
You're going to tell me how l can't create anomaly A without causing phenomenon B, which, in turn, affects civilization C, right? l'm lcheb.
Oh, l know who you are.
You're the drone with the Kirk fixation.
You would be wise to follow lcheb's example.
By applying himself, he's become a valued member of this crew.
Can l see you naked again? Computer, run Diplomacy Scenario 12-Alpha.
The planetoid is in Nausicaan space.
lt belongs to us now.
After you.
Come anywhere near it, and we'll attack you.
You can't intimidate us.
We've as much right to mine that dilithium as you do! What are you doing here, Starfleet? Computer, freeze program.
l assume you're familiar with these species.
Nausicaan, Bolian, Cardassian, Romulan, Ferengi, and Bajoran.
They're fighting over the mining rights to a planetoid.
Your job is to settle the dispute.
These aliens mean nothing to me.
What do l care if they can't get along? One of your responsibilities as a Q is to maintain order in the universe, right? So l've been told.
Well, if you can't help these races come to an agreement, there might be a war.
The Alpha Quadrant would be thrown into chaos.
Why don't we try running the first scenario together? l don't need your help.
l can do this myself.
lf you want to try be my guest.
l'll be back in 30 minutes to check on your progress.
And remember-- Security is right outside.
Computer, resume program.
The planetoid is in Nausicaan space.
lt belongs to us now.
You can't intimidate us.
We have as much right to mine that dilithium as you do.
Aren't you supposed to be supervising our young guest? He says he doesn't need supervision.
And you accepted that? Of course not.
l'm just giving him the chance to fail.
Then he'll have to ask for some help.
Sounds like a good strategy.
Let me know how it goes.
Settling the planetoid predicament didn't take very long, so l used the rest of the time to convince the Cardassian to apologize for the occupation of Bajor.
How's that for order in the universe? Welcome.
lt's so nice to see you this evening.
l hope you're hungry.
Step right up.
There's plenty for everyone.
Enjoy! Do you ever stop? Oh, l'm sorry.
l forgot.
My talking annoys you.
Too bad you can't just shut me up again, huh? Crewman Biddle, where have you been hiding yourself? l haven't seen you in days! lf it isn't drone boy.
You come to put me to sleep with another one of your presentations? Actually, l was wondering if you'd like to participate in some recreational activities.
l don't have the time.
Aunt Kathy's forcing me to write an historical essay on the Q Continuum.
That's a challenging subject.
l've never written an essay before.
l don't know where to start.
The origin of the Q seems like the most logical place, followed by an analysis of their interaction with humanity.
You could conclude with a description of the events that led you to Voyager.
Would you mind writing some of this down for me? l'll get a padd.
lnsightful, informative.
l'm impressed.
Too bad you didn't write it.
What do you mean? l'd recognize lcheb's style anywhere.
He gave me a few notes on my first draft, that's all.
l negotiated a peace treaty between six belligerent species in just 13 minutes.
When Commander Chakotay left the room, you altered their personality subroutines to make them more agreeable.
We may be common bipeds, but we're not stupid.
Your training is over.
Go back to your room and wait for your father to return.
lf you don't help me, the Continuum will turn me into an amoeba.
l wanted to help you, but instead of trying to live up to your potential, you cheated.
Do you think it's easy to live up to my potential? l was supposed to be the savior of the Q Continuum.
Tell me, how do you save a race that's already omnipotent? Those were the Qs' expectations, not mine.
All l asked was that you make a sincere effort, but you weren't even willing to try.
Please, Aunt Kathy you're my only hope.
Well, l'm glad you finally realize that.
Now, if your motives are sincere, l'm willing to give you another chance.
But step out of line again, and l'm through with you, understood? Understood.
Dismissed! Captain's Log, Stardate 54704.
5.
lt's been four days since my ultimatum to the young Q, and he appears to be making progress.
His instructors inform me that he's taking on his assignments with new determination, and he's made a concerted effort to be more courteous to the crew.
lt's hard to believe this is the same brazen young man that came aboard a few days ago.
Captain? This is for you.
lt's a new draft of my essay.
l know you didn't ask for one, but l felt l owed it to you for giving me a second chance.
''l, Q: An lnsider's View of the Continuum.
'' lf the essay is half as clever as the title, l'm sure l'll enjoy it.
Lieutenant Paris has offered to give me a piloting lesson.
l thought you might like to join us.
Oh, thanks, but l have to help Crewman Chell scrub the plasma conduits.
l think you've earned a break.
This is the only time off l'm giving you.
l suggest you take advantage of it.
Yes, ma'am.
Piloting lesson, huh? Where are we going? Steady Ease up a little on the thrusters.
ln case you forgot, l'm mortal now.
l'd appreciate it if you didn't fly us into a rock.
Maybe Q could take over for a little while.
What do you say? You want a turn at the wheel? Ordinarily, a Q wouldn't demean himself by operating primitive machinery, but these aren't ordinary circumstances.
Uh, did l do something wrong? Just a little ion imbalance in the impulse drive.
Nothing to worry about.
Well, it's very distracting.
Can't you fix it? Well, l could, but we'd have to go back to Voyager and run diagnostics.
lf you two don't mind cutting your lesson a little short.
That won't be necessary.
ln fact, l barely hear it anymore.
Do you hear it? Hear what? Going up? l'll catch the next one.
Hmm.
Oh, you can't get away from me that easily.
lt's only been five days.
Why are you back? Oh, l thought l'd just pop in and check on Junior.
l'm not an entirely uninvolved father, you know.
Well, he got off to a pretty shaky start, but he's made some progress since then.
Really! He's been working extremely hard.
We're talking about the same Q? lf you don't believe me, maybe you should see for yourself.
The Continuum has been perceived in a variety of ways-- a dreary desert road, a blood-soaked battleground-- but with the help of Voyager's crew, l've begun to perceive it in another context-- a home.
l look forward to the day when l return there and make that perception a reality.
Well? Huh? What did you think? Oh, it's very nice.
Nice? Yes, l especially liked the part about the Continuum.
The entire essay was about the Continuum.
Yes, and it's very nice.
l'm late for my temporal mechanics lesson.
Q Well, if there's nothing else, l'll be on my way.
He worked so hard on that paper.
The least you could have done was tell him you were proud of him.
But l'm not.
And frankly, it's a little hard to be impressed with any of the boy's accomplishments.
He's been here for five days, and what have you taught him? How to scribble essays and play with holograms.
What's next, basket weaving? Whether you're willing to admit it or not, your son has made progress here.
He has the potential to be a better Q than you will ever be.
Potential isn't going to be enough for the Continuum.
Then what will be enough? The boy needs to demonstrate nothing less than exemplary Q-ness.
And what exactly is Q-ness? Oh, it's impossible for your minuscule mind to comprehend, but l know Q-ness when l see it, and this is not it.
Come in.
l wanted to see how you were.
l'm perfectly fine.
Why wouldn't l be? l thought you might be upset by Q's reaction to your essay.
He's impossible to please.
l don't care what he thinks.
We have two days left.
Let's make the most of them.
Aunt Kathy do you think the Continuum will be any more impressed with me than Q was? That's what l thought.
lf the Continuum decides they won't take you back, l'll ask them to let you stay here.
l don't think they care where an amoeba spends eternity.
That's not what l meant.
l'll ask them to let you remain human.
l appreciate that but l don't want to be human.
l want to be a Q like my father.
ltchy! Are you in here? ltchy? What can l do for you, Q-Ball? l need your help.
Remember that ion imbalance Lieutenant Paris mentioned during our lesson? We're going to repair it for him.
Did you get permission? Well, that would ruin the surprise.
The surprise?! The Captain's been encouraging me to take more initiative.
l want to show her l can do things for others without being asked.
l'll help you, on one condition.
Name it.
You won't refer to me as ''ltchy'' in front of the senior officers.
l've realigned the last pair of power couplings.
You can start the preignition sequence.
Understood.
l'm not detecting any ion fluctuations.
We did it.
You can power down the engine now.
Q? What are you doing? You're gonna love this.
l once learned how to open a spatial flexure, using nothing more than a deflector array.
''Flexure''? lt's like a tunnel through space.
l'm going to open one to the Clevari system.
Just wait till you see the females.
They're spectacular.
We need the Captain's permission to leave Voyager.
Do you think she'd give it to us? No.
Then there's no point in asking.
You've been doing so well.
Why break the rules now? l'm bored.
lcheb to Security.
They can't hear you.
l've dampened all outgoing communications.
Just sit back, ltchy.
Enjoy the ride.
What's the real reason you're doing this? l'm getting out of here before my father can put me back in that petri dish.
The Q are omnipotent.
They'll find you.
l may not have my powers anymore, but l know plenty of cosmic nooks and crannies we can hide in.
Voyager has locked onto us with a tractor beam.
They're so predictable.
They're opening some sort of spatial rift off their port bow.
lt's disrupting the tractor beam.
Compensate.
They're gone.
Welcome to the Clevari system.
What would you like to do first? Take a dip with the mermaids of Golos Prime? Challenge the warrior goddess of Fekdar to a grappling contest? What l want is to return to Voyager.
Forget that dreary ship, with its rules and regulations.
We can do anything we want here.
Go back to Voyager.
Apologize to the Captain.
She'll help you.
lt's too late.
She said one more violation, l'll be thrown off her ship.
l'm pretty sure this qualifies.
What's wrong? There's a vessel approaching.
You're trespassing in Chokuzan space.
We were just leaving.
Our laws require that you be incarcerated, pending an investigation.
How long will that take? Disengage your engines and prepare to be boarded.
We should do as he says.
Why, just because he has a bigger ship? Because Captain Janeway has taught us to respect the laws of other cultures.
l should have known better than to bring you along.
You're going to get us killed! Did you expect me to surrender? He might have locked us up for years.
You don't know that.
There's no time for a debate.
l need you at Tactical.
Shields are down to 30 percent.
Sixteen percent.
l'm opening another flexure! We'll go to the Zozek system.
The girls aren't as attractive, but we have to make some compromises.
lcheb! l'm detecting another rift forming approximately 5,000 kilometers directly ahead.
A vessel is emerging.
lt's the Flyer.
They're hailing.
-On screen.
-Aunt Kathy Don't you ''Aunt Kathy'' me.
Yell at me later.
We need to get lcheb to Sick Bay.
His cells are being necrotized by some form of omicron radiation, but l can't treat his injuries without knowing more about the weapon that caused them.
ls this a bad time? Tell him.
lcheb stole a shuttle from Voyager.
l tried to stop him, but he kidnapped me, and he started a fight with another ship.
He stole the shuttle, and he attacked the other vessel.
ls that true, son? Please, Q, just save him.
Don't be absurd.
You're not going to help him? Like Aunt Kathy said, you're never going to learn anything if you don't face the consequences of your actions.
lf your little playmate has to die to teach you a lesson, so be it.
l know you can hear me, Q.
Come back! Q! You're wasting your time.
He's the only one who can save lcheb.
No, he isn't.
You're going back to that ship you attacked.
You're going to apologize for what you did, and you're going to plead with them for the information we need to save lcheb.
Look at what they did to him.
lf l go back, they'll do the same to me.
What do you care? By this time tomorrow, you'll be an amoeba.
Well, l'd rather be an amoeba than a corpse! That would be easier, wouldn't it? No expectations to live up to.
No one to disappoint.
l'm a failure as a Q and a human.
lf l'm a single-celled organism, at least l can't hurt anybody.
Why did you come back here? To escape the Chokuzan.
You could've used your technology to take you anywhere, but you came back here to us.
Why? l probably hit the wrong control.
lcheb is the only friend l've ever had.
l brought him back here, because l thought you could save him.
Obviously, l was mistaken.
The only mistake you made was running away.
You have a chance to do the right thing now.
Don't waste it.
The attack on your vessel was entirely my fault.
lcheb had nothing to do with it, but he's the one who's dying.
l-l take full responsibility for what happened.
l'll do anything you ask.
Just help my friend.
My crew and l will repair any damage he did to your ship.
Are you the adult responsible for this child? l suppose l am.
We'll accept his apology and give you the information you need to save his accomplice, but you will be punished for their crime.
She didn't have anything to do with it.
ln our culture, adults are accountable for the actions of their children.
l attacked your ship.
l should be punished for it, not her.
You don't even know what the punishment is.
lt might be torture, or even execution.
l don't care, if it means saving my friend.
Well done, Junior.
l'm proud of you.
Surprise! l wish you could see the look on your faces.
Oh, wait.
You can.
We don't have time for your games.
We need to find the real people l attacked.
You just did.
l was the Chokuzan you fired on.
What kind of horrible joke? Not a joke.
A test.
l knew the pathetic little exercises you had him performing would not impress the Continuum.
So, when he escaped your clutches, l devised a real test.
lt was touch and go there for a moment, but you passed with flying colors.
What about lcheb? Your Doctor will discover he's made a miraculous recovery.
Now then, if we're all finished here, it's Judgment Day for Junior.
We're ready, Your Honor.
ln the case of The Continuum vs.
Q, we, the Continuum, have found that Q has not made sufficient progress to warrant the reinstatement of his powers.
Objection.
What about my test? What about it? Q was willing to sacrifice himself to save his friend.
Surely that counts for something.
lt was Q who endangered the boy's life in the first place.
However, in deference to the aforementioned act of contrition, the defendant will not be transformed into an Oprelian amoeba.
Oh, good.
lnstead he will suffer the next worst fate-- remaining human.
Court is adjourned.
This is an outrage! They can't do this to me! Come in.
Do you have a moment? A few days ago, you offered to let me remain on Voyager.
l know l've made a few mistakes since then, and you probably don't want me around, but if it's all right with you l'd like to continue my training.
But you have nothing left to prove to the Continuum.
But there's a lot l still need to prove to you.
What about your father? You don't honestly believe we'll see him again, do you? He obviously doesn't want me around.
Why else would he have left me here twice? The question you should be asking is why l keep coming back.
Now, l'm sorry l left so abruptly, but the Continuum's verdict demanded an immediate appeal.
l told them l refuse to belong to any Continuum that wouldn't accept my son as a member.
We're a package deal.
You left the Continuum for me? Oh, don't be ridiculous.
l'm the only one holding that place together.
And when they realized they might lose me, they crumbled like a Gelbian sand sculpture.
They're going to return my powers? They already have.
For you, Captain, for all your help.
Thank you.
Now that you're a Q again, l thought we might spend some quality time together.
l want to show you the cosmos the way it was meant to be seen.
We've tried that already.
Things will be different this time.
l promise.
Now run along.
l'll meet you on Golos Prime.
After l've had a few moments alone with the Captain.
l'll see you soon, Aunt Kathy.
l certainly hope so.
So, the Continuum ''crumbled like a Gelbian sand sculpture.
'' Yes.
Some of them even got on their knees and begged me to stay.
lt was pathetic.
lf you must know, l had to agree to a few minor conditions.
Oh? Such as? Eternal custody of the boy.
Wherever the little brat goes, l go with him.
l hope he won't spoil too much of your fun.
Oh, before l leave, l did a little homework for you.
Consider it a thank you for everything you did for Junior.
Not that l don't appreciate it, but this will only take a few years off our journey.
Why not send us all the way? What sort of an example would l be setting for my son if l did all the work for you?
Finally, in the year 2270, Kirk completed his historic five-year mission, and one of the greatest chapters in Starfleet history came to a close.
A new chapter began when Kirk regained command of the Enterprise.
How many more chapters are there? Thirty-four.
This was supposed to be a 20-minute presentation.
l was trying to be thorough.
l-l could shorten the report.
That won't be necessary.
You obviously know the subject matter.
Congratulations, Cadet.
You have just passed Early Starfleet History.
Thank you, Captain.
l would've failed him.
Kirk may have been a lowly human, but at least he had pizzazz.
That report made him sound about as exciting as a Vulcan funeral dirge.
Janeway to Security.
Don't bother.
l trapped your crew in a temporal loop.
They keep experiencing the last 30 seconds over and over.
Almost as monotonous as drone boy's essay.
Who are you? l know he's grown since you last saw him, Kathy, but don't tell me you can't see the family resemblance.
This is my son Q.
l'm a little hurt you didn't recognize Junior.
You are his godmother, after all.
The last time l saw him, he was an infant.
Four years ago in human time.
You called me ''adorable.
'' You remember? l may have looked like an infant, but l was still a Q.
Maybe you should've picked a better godparent.
l wonder if it's too late to ask Jean-Luc.
What do you want, Q? Oh, Junior's taking a little vacation from the Continuum.
l recommended he spend it with you.
Why? Oh, he's always been fascinated by the old man's stories about humanity.
l thought it was time he has some firsthand experience.
l am flattered that you would entrust me with your firstborn, but l really don't have time.
He's as quiet as a Z yznian church mouse.
You'll forget he's even here.
Well, if you're going to stay, we'll need to lay down a few ground rules.
l make my own rules.
l'm not detecting either Q.
l want to be alerted if they resurface.
Keep running scans.
Scan, scan, scan.
That's all you people ever do.
l've been through every deck on this ship, and do you know what l've seen? Bipeds pushing buttons, bipeds replacing relays, bipeds running diagnostics.
When are you going to do something interesting? Say hello to Q, everyone.
We could fly into fluidic space and fight species 8472 or we could detonate a few Omega molecules.
What do you say? No.
l'm already bored.
l guess l'm just going to have to amuse myself.
Torres to the Captain.
l need you in Engineering.
Once dance, B'Elanna! That's all l ask-- one dance.
lf he doesn't stop his little light show, the warp core's going to breach.
Relax.
lt's a party.
This party is over.
Get your guests off my ship.
l like you, Aunt Kathy.
You've got gumption, but what you don't have is unlimited control of space, matter and time, which means l give the orders around here.
l could assemble a security team and attempt to take Engineering by force.
We all know that wouldn't do any good.
Besides, l'll bet that's exactly the kind of reaction he's hoping for.
He's doing everything he can to get under our skin.
lf we deny him the satisfaction of a response, he may become bored and return to the Continuum.
Talk about perfection.
lf you're attempting to embarrass me, you won't succeed.
l'm just observing humanity.
Aren't you going to scamper away, make some futile attempt to cover yourself? Coffee, black.
Make it yourself.
You can thank Q's son.
He thought the computer needed more personality.
Charming.
l've been giving some thought to the Q situation.
Maybe ignoring him isn't the best solution.
l'm open to suggestions.
He may be omnipotent, but he's still a young man in need of guidance.
Perhaps if someone were to approach him as a friend.
You think he needs a mentor.
Exactly.
Are you volunteering? Well, l am good with children.
Q is no ordinary child.
l'm no ordinary mentor.
Can l help you, Kitchen Rat? l thought you and l could spend some time together.
Ha! Excellent maneuver.
What are you watching? What's it look like? lt's a battle between the Vojeans and the Wyngari.
We passed through that region a few months ago.
They were at peace.
Not anymore.
Watch this.
You have to stop this.
lt's not like there's anything else to do.
We could play Kadis-Kot.
Are there explosions in Kadis-Kot? Well, no Well, then l'm not interested.
lnstead of hurting people, maybe you could help them.
The Wyngari are suffering a food shortage on their world.
Maybe you could use your powers to You know what, Talaxian? You talk too much.
His jaw's been fused and his vocal cords removed.
l might be able to undo some of the cosmetic damage, but only Q can restore his voice.
Janeway to the Bridge.
Report.
l've got a surprise for you, Captain.
Come see.
Q said l should pay attention to how you humans act under pressure.
ls this enough pressure? We're venting plasma.
Reroute power to aft shields and return fire.
You're just prolonging the inevitable.
We've defeated the Borg before.
We'll do it again.
Not this time.
Weapons are off-line.
l'm losing thrusters.
Shields are down.
We were just getting to the good part.
lf the Continuum's told you once, they've told you a thousand times: Don't provoke the Borg! Now l want you to give Aunt Kathy your word, you won't do it again.
Oh, he won't do it again, because he's leaving now.
Excuse us, son.
The grownups need a moment in private.
He isn't so bad, once you get to know him.
He's just misunderstood.
He tried to kill my crew.
No one was hurt.
l-l repaired the damage to your ship.
l even gave your pet Talaxian his vocal cords back.
Everything's exactly as it was.
And how long do you think it will take your son to come up with another way to amuse himself? Oh lf you knew he was dangerous, why did you send him here? Ah, is this another lesson for humanity? lt's supposed to be a lesson for him.
Think back to my last visit.
l made you the offer of a lifetime.
Asking me to mate with you was hardly the offer of a lifetime.
lf you hadn't turned me down, l wouldn't have been forced to mate -with that other Q.
-Oh, get to the point.
My point is, Junior was supposed to inspire peace and compassion, but instead of order, he's brought chaos.
He's been starting wars among innocent species, tampering with primordial gene pools, punching holes in the fabric of space-time.
Where's his mother been during all this? She's been so humiliated by his antics, she's disowned him, and she's blamed me for everything.
l've managed to undo most of the damage, but that wasn't good enough for the Continuum.
They're hounding me to straighten the boy out.
That's why l brought him here, in hopes that your vaunted Starfleet ideals would rub off on him.
Obviously, that hasn't happened.
You can't just dump your child on someone and hope he learns something.
l can't? He needs to be parented.
And how exactly am l supposed to do that? Q is the first child born in the Continuum, which makes me the first parent.
l don't even know where to begin.
You could start by spending time with him.
Parenthood is more than just cleaning up your child's messes.
You need to set an example.
lt's the only way he'll learn.
Of course.
Once he begins to know me better, he'll idolize me.
Then he'll do anything l say.
Kathy.
You're a genius.
l've made a full sensor sweep.
There's no sign of any more Borg vessels.
The boy? He's gone.
l am going to my quarters.
You have the Bridge.
l take it back-- you're not a genius.
Mm.
l should've known better than to take the advice of a human.
Q! Your brilliant plan didn't work.
l smothered the boy with attention, spent every waking moment with him, but things only got worse.
You've been gone for less than ten minutes.
On your temporal plane, maybe, but in Q time, we've spent years together.
Now he's embarrassed to be seen with me, and it's all your fault.
My fault? Tell me how you plan to rectify the situation.
What happened after you left Voyager?.
Well, Q got away from me and rearranged the tectonic plates on Bozel Prime.
Did you punish him? Well, l tried to get him to apologize to all 16 billion Bozelians, but he got angry and stopped talking to me.
So you gave in to him.
l told him he could shift as many continents as he liked, as long as no one got hurt.
You're not going to do your son any favors by indulging him.
You need to make him understand that there are consequences to his actions.
Consequences? Hmm.
Kathy, l take it back.
You are a genius.
l think that's long enough.
What was that for? What's wrong-- you didn't enjoy life as an Oprelian amoeba? No.
l was shapeless and slimy.
The only thing to eat was paramecia.
Sounds unpleasant.
l'm sure you'll do whatever you can to avoid returning to that petri dish.
What are you talking about? The Continuum and l have come to an agreement about your future.
Either you become an upstanding citizen of the cosmos, or you'll be sentenced to eternity as an amoeba.
How's that for consequences? You'd turn your own son into a microscopic life-form? You have one week to change your ways.
l suggest you make the most of it.
Fine.
l'll see you in seven days.
We've temporarily relieved you of your powers, to ensure that you're on your best behavior with the Captain.
You're leaving me here? l thought we agreed that you were going to take a more active role.
l'd like to, Kathy, but we both know that you're a million times the parent l am.
l'm not a parent.
Well, maybe not in a biological sense, but you're certainly a mommy to this crew.
Just look how quickly you housebroke that Borg drone.
lt's taken years for Seven to become an individual.
You're asking me to change your son in one week? l'm sure you'll think of something.
What if she doesn't? Then it's single-cellular city for you, my boy.
l'm getting off this ship.
Janeway to Security.
What you no longer have, Q, is unlimited control of space, matter and time, which means l give the orders around here.
Do l make myself clear? Your quarters.
The petri dish was less cramped.
Get some sleep-- you're going to need it.
What for? l'm preparing a curriculum for you to follow while you're here.
You're going to learn respect and responsibility.
Don't tell me you're actually going through with Q's plan.
l may not approve of his methods, but, for once, his heart seems to be in the right place.
l think his desire to help you is genuine.
He abandoned me on an antiquated flying machine run by primates.
We primates are your only hope.
Seven days? How hard could it be? Seven of Nine will be instructing you in spatial causality.
You will learn how your actions can have widespread repercussions.
l read the padd.
You're going to tell me how l can't create anomaly A without causing phenomenon B, which, in turn, affects civilization C, right? l'm lcheb.
Oh, l know who you are.
You're the drone with the Kirk fixation.
You would be wise to follow lcheb's example.
By applying himself, he's become a valued member of this crew.
Can l see you naked again? Computer, run Diplomacy Scenario 12-Alpha.
The planetoid is in Nausicaan space.
lt belongs to us now.
After you.
Come anywhere near it, and we'll attack you.
You can't intimidate us.
We've as much right to mine that dilithium as you do! What are you doing here, Starfleet? Computer, freeze program.
l assume you're familiar with these species.
Nausicaan, Bolian, Cardassian, Romulan, Ferengi, and Bajoran.
They're fighting over the mining rights to a planetoid.
Your job is to settle the dispute.
These aliens mean nothing to me.
What do l care if they can't get along? One of your responsibilities as a Q is to maintain order in the universe, right? So l've been told.
Well, if you can't help these races come to an agreement, there might be a war.
The Alpha Quadrant would be thrown into chaos.
Why don't we try running the first scenario together? l don't need your help.
l can do this myself.
lf you want to try be my guest.
l'll be back in 30 minutes to check on your progress.
And remember-- Security is right outside.
Computer, resume program.
The planetoid is in Nausicaan space.
lt belongs to us now.
You can't intimidate us.
We have as much right to mine that dilithium as you do.
Aren't you supposed to be supervising our young guest? He says he doesn't need supervision.
And you accepted that? Of course not.
l'm just giving him the chance to fail.
Then he'll have to ask for some help.
Sounds like a good strategy.
Let me know how it goes.
Settling the planetoid predicament didn't take very long, so l used the rest of the time to convince the Cardassian to apologize for the occupation of Bajor.
How's that for order in the universe? Welcome.
lt's so nice to see you this evening.
l hope you're hungry.
Step right up.
There's plenty for everyone.
Enjoy! Do you ever stop? Oh, l'm sorry.
l forgot.
My talking annoys you.
Too bad you can't just shut me up again, huh? Crewman Biddle, where have you been hiding yourself? l haven't seen you in days! lf it isn't drone boy.
You come to put me to sleep with another one of your presentations? Actually, l was wondering if you'd like to participate in some recreational activities.
l don't have the time.
Aunt Kathy's forcing me to write an historical essay on the Q Continuum.
That's a challenging subject.
l've never written an essay before.
l don't know where to start.
The origin of the Q seems like the most logical place, followed by an analysis of their interaction with humanity.
You could conclude with a description of the events that led you to Voyager.
Would you mind writing some of this down for me? l'll get a padd.
lnsightful, informative.
l'm impressed.
Too bad you didn't write it.
What do you mean? l'd recognize lcheb's style anywhere.
He gave me a few notes on my first draft, that's all.
l negotiated a peace treaty between six belligerent species in just 13 minutes.
When Commander Chakotay left the room, you altered their personality subroutines to make them more agreeable.
We may be common bipeds, but we're not stupid.
Your training is over.
Go back to your room and wait for your father to return.
lf you don't help me, the Continuum will turn me into an amoeba.
l wanted to help you, but instead of trying to live up to your potential, you cheated.
Do you think it's easy to live up to my potential? l was supposed to be the savior of the Q Continuum.
Tell me, how do you save a race that's already omnipotent? Those were the Qs' expectations, not mine.
All l asked was that you make a sincere effort, but you weren't even willing to try.
Please, Aunt Kathy you're my only hope.
Well, l'm glad you finally realize that.
Now, if your motives are sincere, l'm willing to give you another chance.
But step out of line again, and l'm through with you, understood? Understood.
Dismissed! Captain's Log, Stardate 54704.
5.
lt's been four days since my ultimatum to the young Q, and he appears to be making progress.
His instructors inform me that he's taking on his assignments with new determination, and he's made a concerted effort to be more courteous to the crew.
lt's hard to believe this is the same brazen young man that came aboard a few days ago.
Captain? This is for you.
lt's a new draft of my essay.
l know you didn't ask for one, but l felt l owed it to you for giving me a second chance.
''l, Q: An lnsider's View of the Continuum.
'' lf the essay is half as clever as the title, l'm sure l'll enjoy it.
Lieutenant Paris has offered to give me a piloting lesson.
l thought you might like to join us.
Oh, thanks, but l have to help Crewman Chell scrub the plasma conduits.
l think you've earned a break.
This is the only time off l'm giving you.
l suggest you take advantage of it.
Yes, ma'am.
Piloting lesson, huh? Where are we going? Steady Ease up a little on the thrusters.
ln case you forgot, l'm mortal now.
l'd appreciate it if you didn't fly us into a rock.
Maybe Q could take over for a little while.
What do you say? You want a turn at the wheel? Ordinarily, a Q wouldn't demean himself by operating primitive machinery, but these aren't ordinary circumstances.
Uh, did l do something wrong? Just a little ion imbalance in the impulse drive.
Nothing to worry about.
Well, it's very distracting.
Can't you fix it? Well, l could, but we'd have to go back to Voyager and run diagnostics.
lf you two don't mind cutting your lesson a little short.
That won't be necessary.
ln fact, l barely hear it anymore.
Do you hear it? Hear what? Going up? l'll catch the next one.
Hmm.
Oh, you can't get away from me that easily.
lt's only been five days.
Why are you back? Oh, l thought l'd just pop in and check on Junior.
l'm not an entirely uninvolved father, you know.
Well, he got off to a pretty shaky start, but he's made some progress since then.
Really! He's been working extremely hard.
We're talking about the same Q? lf you don't believe me, maybe you should see for yourself.
The Continuum has been perceived in a variety of ways-- a dreary desert road, a blood-soaked battleground-- but with the help of Voyager's crew, l've begun to perceive it in another context-- a home.
l look forward to the day when l return there and make that perception a reality.
Well? Huh? What did you think? Oh, it's very nice.
Nice? Yes, l especially liked the part about the Continuum.
The entire essay was about the Continuum.
Yes, and it's very nice.
l'm late for my temporal mechanics lesson.
Q Well, if there's nothing else, l'll be on my way.
He worked so hard on that paper.
The least you could have done was tell him you were proud of him.
But l'm not.
And frankly, it's a little hard to be impressed with any of the boy's accomplishments.
He's been here for five days, and what have you taught him? How to scribble essays and play with holograms.
What's next, basket weaving? Whether you're willing to admit it or not, your son has made progress here.
He has the potential to be a better Q than you will ever be.
Potential isn't going to be enough for the Continuum.
Then what will be enough? The boy needs to demonstrate nothing less than exemplary Q-ness.
And what exactly is Q-ness? Oh, it's impossible for your minuscule mind to comprehend, but l know Q-ness when l see it, and this is not it.
Come in.
l wanted to see how you were.
l'm perfectly fine.
Why wouldn't l be? l thought you might be upset by Q's reaction to your essay.
He's impossible to please.
l don't care what he thinks.
We have two days left.
Let's make the most of them.
Aunt Kathy do you think the Continuum will be any more impressed with me than Q was? That's what l thought.
lf the Continuum decides they won't take you back, l'll ask them to let you stay here.
l don't think they care where an amoeba spends eternity.
That's not what l meant.
l'll ask them to let you remain human.
l appreciate that but l don't want to be human.
l want to be a Q like my father.
ltchy! Are you in here? ltchy? What can l do for you, Q-Ball? l need your help.
Remember that ion imbalance Lieutenant Paris mentioned during our lesson? We're going to repair it for him.
Did you get permission? Well, that would ruin the surprise.
The surprise?! The Captain's been encouraging me to take more initiative.
l want to show her l can do things for others without being asked.
l'll help you, on one condition.
Name it.
You won't refer to me as ''ltchy'' in front of the senior officers.
l've realigned the last pair of power couplings.
You can start the preignition sequence.
Understood.
l'm not detecting any ion fluctuations.
We did it.
You can power down the engine now.
Q? What are you doing? You're gonna love this.
l once learned how to open a spatial flexure, using nothing more than a deflector array.
''Flexure''? lt's like a tunnel through space.
l'm going to open one to the Clevari system.
Just wait till you see the females.
They're spectacular.
We need the Captain's permission to leave Voyager.
Do you think she'd give it to us? No.
Then there's no point in asking.
You've been doing so well.
Why break the rules now? l'm bored.
lcheb to Security.
They can't hear you.
l've dampened all outgoing communications.
Just sit back, ltchy.
Enjoy the ride.
What's the real reason you're doing this? l'm getting out of here before my father can put me back in that petri dish.
The Q are omnipotent.
They'll find you.
l may not have my powers anymore, but l know plenty of cosmic nooks and crannies we can hide in.
Voyager has locked onto us with a tractor beam.
They're so predictable.
They're opening some sort of spatial rift off their port bow.
lt's disrupting the tractor beam.
Compensate.
They're gone.
Welcome to the Clevari system.
What would you like to do first? Take a dip with the mermaids of Golos Prime? Challenge the warrior goddess of Fekdar to a grappling contest? What l want is to return to Voyager.
Forget that dreary ship, with its rules and regulations.
We can do anything we want here.
Go back to Voyager.
Apologize to the Captain.
She'll help you.
lt's too late.
She said one more violation, l'll be thrown off her ship.
l'm pretty sure this qualifies.
What's wrong? There's a vessel approaching.
You're trespassing in Chokuzan space.
We were just leaving.
Our laws require that you be incarcerated, pending an investigation.
How long will that take? Disengage your engines and prepare to be boarded.
We should do as he says.
Why, just because he has a bigger ship? Because Captain Janeway has taught us to respect the laws of other cultures.
l should have known better than to bring you along.
You're going to get us killed! Did you expect me to surrender? He might have locked us up for years.
You don't know that.
There's no time for a debate.
l need you at Tactical.
Shields are down to 30 percent.
Sixteen percent.
l'm opening another flexure! We'll go to the Zozek system.
The girls aren't as attractive, but we have to make some compromises.
lcheb! l'm detecting another rift forming approximately 5,000 kilometers directly ahead.
A vessel is emerging.
lt's the Flyer.
They're hailing.
-On screen.
-Aunt Kathy Don't you ''Aunt Kathy'' me.
Yell at me later.
We need to get lcheb to Sick Bay.
His cells are being necrotized by some form of omicron radiation, but l can't treat his injuries without knowing more about the weapon that caused them.
ls this a bad time? Tell him.
lcheb stole a shuttle from Voyager.
l tried to stop him, but he kidnapped me, and he started a fight with another ship.
He stole the shuttle, and he attacked the other vessel.
ls that true, son? Please, Q, just save him.
Don't be absurd.
You're not going to help him? Like Aunt Kathy said, you're never going to learn anything if you don't face the consequences of your actions.
lf your little playmate has to die to teach you a lesson, so be it.
l know you can hear me, Q.
Come back! Q! You're wasting your time.
He's the only one who can save lcheb.
No, he isn't.
You're going back to that ship you attacked.
You're going to apologize for what you did, and you're going to plead with them for the information we need to save lcheb.
Look at what they did to him.
lf l go back, they'll do the same to me.
What do you care? By this time tomorrow, you'll be an amoeba.
Well, l'd rather be an amoeba than a corpse! That would be easier, wouldn't it? No expectations to live up to.
No one to disappoint.
l'm a failure as a Q and a human.
lf l'm a single-celled organism, at least l can't hurt anybody.
Why did you come back here? To escape the Chokuzan.
You could've used your technology to take you anywhere, but you came back here to us.
Why? l probably hit the wrong control.
lcheb is the only friend l've ever had.
l brought him back here, because l thought you could save him.
Obviously, l was mistaken.
The only mistake you made was running away.
You have a chance to do the right thing now.
Don't waste it.
The attack on your vessel was entirely my fault.
lcheb had nothing to do with it, but he's the one who's dying.
l-l take full responsibility for what happened.
l'll do anything you ask.
Just help my friend.
My crew and l will repair any damage he did to your ship.
Are you the adult responsible for this child? l suppose l am.
We'll accept his apology and give you the information you need to save his accomplice, but you will be punished for their crime.
She didn't have anything to do with it.
ln our culture, adults are accountable for the actions of their children.
l attacked your ship.
l should be punished for it, not her.
You don't even know what the punishment is.
lt might be torture, or even execution.
l don't care, if it means saving my friend.
Well done, Junior.
l'm proud of you.
Surprise! l wish you could see the look on your faces.
Oh, wait.
You can.
We don't have time for your games.
We need to find the real people l attacked.
You just did.
l was the Chokuzan you fired on.
What kind of horrible joke? Not a joke.
A test.
l knew the pathetic little exercises you had him performing would not impress the Continuum.
So, when he escaped your clutches, l devised a real test.
lt was touch and go there for a moment, but you passed with flying colors.
What about lcheb? Your Doctor will discover he's made a miraculous recovery.
Now then, if we're all finished here, it's Judgment Day for Junior.
We're ready, Your Honor.
ln the case of The Continuum vs.
Q, we, the Continuum, have found that Q has not made sufficient progress to warrant the reinstatement of his powers.
Objection.
What about my test? What about it? Q was willing to sacrifice himself to save his friend.
Surely that counts for something.
lt was Q who endangered the boy's life in the first place.
However, in deference to the aforementioned act of contrition, the defendant will not be transformed into an Oprelian amoeba.
Oh, good.
lnstead he will suffer the next worst fate-- remaining human.
Court is adjourned.
This is an outrage! They can't do this to me! Come in.
Do you have a moment? A few days ago, you offered to let me remain on Voyager.
l know l've made a few mistakes since then, and you probably don't want me around, but if it's all right with you l'd like to continue my training.
But you have nothing left to prove to the Continuum.
But there's a lot l still need to prove to you.
What about your father? You don't honestly believe we'll see him again, do you? He obviously doesn't want me around.
Why else would he have left me here twice? The question you should be asking is why l keep coming back.
Now, l'm sorry l left so abruptly, but the Continuum's verdict demanded an immediate appeal.
l told them l refuse to belong to any Continuum that wouldn't accept my son as a member.
We're a package deal.
You left the Continuum for me? Oh, don't be ridiculous.
l'm the only one holding that place together.
And when they realized they might lose me, they crumbled like a Gelbian sand sculpture.
They're going to return my powers? They already have.
For you, Captain, for all your help.
Thank you.
Now that you're a Q again, l thought we might spend some quality time together.
l want to show you the cosmos the way it was meant to be seen.
We've tried that already.
Things will be different this time.
l promise.
Now run along.
l'll meet you on Golos Prime.
After l've had a few moments alone with the Captain.
l'll see you soon, Aunt Kathy.
l certainly hope so.
So, the Continuum ''crumbled like a Gelbian sand sculpture.
'' Yes.
Some of them even got on their knees and begged me to stay.
lt was pathetic.
lf you must know, l had to agree to a few minor conditions.
Oh? Such as? Eternal custody of the boy.
Wherever the little brat goes, l go with him.
l hope he won't spoil too much of your fun.
Oh, before l leave, l did a little homework for you.
Consider it a thank you for everything you did for Junior.
Not that l don't appreciate it, but this will only take a few years off our journey.
Why not send us all the way? What sort of an example would l be setting for my son if l did all the work for you?