Friends s07e21 Episode Script

Do you realize we're getting married in four weeks? Four weeks, baby.
Four weeks! You realize you get louder each week? There's still so much to do! Have you written your vows? I figured I'd just buy those.
"Pat, I'd like to buy a vow.
" You know I've no sense of humor when it comes to this.
- Right.
Have you written yours yet? - No, but I know what I'm gonna say.
Do you happen to know what I'm gonna say? Let's do it now.
It won't be hard.
Say what's in your heart.
Look at her go.
She must love me more than I love her! What's wrong with me? Oh, don 't open that door.
The One with the Vows "Monica, there are no words" There are no words! This shouldn't be this hard! You've done this before.
What did you say in your vows? With Carol I promised never to love another woman until I die.
She made no such promise.
I'm pathetic.
Monica knows what to say, you should have seen her.
What's the emergency? You have to help me write my vows.
All I have is this.
I like the pretty drawing of you in the wedding dress.
- Thank you.
- Except your breasts look small.
Those are my eyes! - Those are my breasts.
- Oh, yeah.
Why don't you start with something simple? "Monica, from the moment I met you I knew I loved you.
" I can't do that.
Everyone, this is Chandler.
Hi, I'm Ross' little sister.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Maybe you could start with: "Chandler, even though we were friends there was a part of me that knew I wanted more.
" All right, there's a nuclear holocaust.
I'm the last man on Earth.
Would you go out with me? Are we allowed to lie in the vows? Okay, don't talk about those feelings.
Just say something about all the things he's taught you, like Or all the things you taught him.
Everybody knows the erogenous zones.
One, two, three four, five, six and seven.
There are seven? - That's one? - Kind of an important one.
I was looking at it upside down.
You know, sometimes that helps.
Okay, start out with a little one a two, a one-two-three a three, a five a four, a three-two two, a two-four-six.
Two-four-six, four, two two, four-seven five-seven, six-seven seven, seven seven, seven, seven seven! How about something like: "Monica, when I look back over our time together .
" - Yeah? - I can't do all of it.
Look back over your time together.
Oh, look, twins! No fair! I don't even have one, how come they get two? - You'll get one.
- Yeah, when? When we're 40, if neither of us are married what do you say we have one? - Why wouldn't I be married? I just meant hypothetically.
Hypothetically, why won't I be married? No, no.
What is it? Is there something unmarriable about me? Well? Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack! I'm getting married today! Think he knew I was here? Nice try.
Wait, wait, wait.
Look, Monica - This is not gonna work.
- I bet this'll work.
You are so great! I love you.
What? I said you're so great, and then I stopped talking.
- You said you love me! - No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't! - You love me! - No, I don't! Stop it! Stop it! You know, I was thinking, what if I unpack here? Then all your stuff would be here.
Well .
What if it was here? Then you'd be going back and forth all the time.
Doesn't make any sense.
Okay.
What if we live together, and you understand what I'm saying? We wanted to surprise you.
Oh, my God! Chandler in all my life I never thought I'd be so lucky as to fall in love with my best My best There's a reason why girls don't do this! Okay, okay, okay! I'll do it.
I thought I can do this.
I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it.
Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you You make me happier than I ever thought I could be.
And if you let me I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.
Monica? Will you marry me? Yes.
Can we come in? We're dying out here! Come in! Come in! - We're engaged! - Yes! - Hi.
- What have you guys been up to? Helping Chandler write his vows.
He kicked us out.
Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.
How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass" inappropriate? How's Monica doing? Lucky she's got a sweet ass.
She's not so good at writing.
In four weeks they're gonna be married! Let's just hope it works.
Nine out of 10 marriages end in divorce.
That's not true.
You're right.
How's the missis? I can't believe they're together 3 years.
- That long? It seems like less because they hid it from us.
Hey, it's me.
Coming in.
I've had a very long, hard day.
- I'm getting some chicken.
Want some? - No.
Bye, then.
He wouldn't leave.
He kept asking if I wanted chicken.
Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
Hey, Joe! Can I get a three-piece, coleslaw, beans and a Coke? Diet Coke.
- Why didn't they tell us? - I know, we were cool about it.
You? And you? You cannot tell.
No one knows.
How? When? - It happened in London.
- In London?! We didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
But it is a big deal! - I have to tell someone.
- No, no! - You can't.
- Please! We don't want to deal with telling them.
Just promise you won't tell.
All right! I can 't wait to be with you.
I'll tell Rachel I'm doing laundry.
Laundry? Is that my new nickname? You know your nickname, Mr.
Big Oh, look, there's Monica and Chandler.
Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Chandler and Monica! Oh, my God! - Chandler and Monica! - Oh, my God! - Oh, my eyes! My eyes! - Phoebe! Phoebe! - It's okay! It's okay! - No! They're doing it! I know! I know! - You know? - Yes! And Joey, but Ross doesn't, so stop screaming! - Hey, what's going on? - Oh, hi! What? What? We're excited that you might get this place! - Actually, it looks really good.
- It looks pretty good! Get in here! Come on! So they don't know that Rachel knows? Yes, but it doesn't matter who knows what.
Enough of us know.
We can just tell them we know.
The lying and the secrets will be over.
Or, we can not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
We better go if we're gonna catch that movie.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye, Chandler.
I miss you already.
Did you see the inappropriate pinching? Actually, I did.
So now do you believe that she's attracted to me? Oh, my God! My God, she knows about us! - Phoebe knows about us! - I didn't tell them.
Them? Who's them? Phoebe and Joey.
Joey! And Rachel.
They made me promise not to tell.
They think they are so slick, messing with us! They don't know that we know that they know.
- So .
- Ah, yes! The messers become the messees! My God, he wants me to come over and feel his biceps! Are you kidding? I can't believe he'd do that to Mo Joey? Do they know that we know? - No.
- Joey! - They know you know.
- I knew it! I cannot believe those two! They thought that they could mess with us? With us? They don't know that we know they know we know.
Joey, you can't say anything.
Couldn't if I wanted to.
She wants me to put lotion on her! She's bluffing! She's not backing down.
She went like this.
He's not backing down.
He went to get lotion.
Aren't you guys done yet? The sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over.
- I like that.
- Okay.
Okay, show him your bra.
He's afraid of bras.
Can't work them.
Wow! You didn't rip off any buttons.
It's not my first time.
You go seduce her until she cracks.
Okay, give me a second.
- Did you clean up in here? - Of course.
Oh, you're going? Not without you, lover.
So, this is my bra.
It's very, very nice.
Well, come here.
I'm happy we're gonna have all the sex.
You should be.
I'm very bendy.
- I'm gonna kiss you.
- Not if I kiss you first.
There's nothing left for us to do but kiss.
Here it comes.
Our first kiss.
- Okay, okay, okay, fine, you win! - Ha! - I can't have sex.
- Why not? - I'm in love with Monica.
- You're what? Love her! That's right, I love her! I love her! I love you, Monica.
I love you too, Chandler.
I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love.
That's it, it's over.
Everybody knows.
- Well, Ross doesn't.
- We'd like it if no one told him yet.
No.
What are you doing? Get off my sister! Friends getting married, it's gotta change things.
Think it'll be different? How can it not be? They're gonna have kids and hang out with other couples who have kids.
And maybe they'll leave the city to be near a Volvo dealership.
Things change.
I don't want them to move to a Volvo dealership.
It'll be okay, Joe.
Sorry.
I just I like things the way they are.
Who's this little naked guy? That naked guy would be me.
Look at the little thing.
Yes.
Yes, fine, that is my penis.
Can we be grownups now? - Who are those people? - Got me.
Oh, that's Nana right there.
- Wow.
- Let's see.
"Me and the gang at Java Joe's.
" Monica, you look like your grandma.
How old was she? Let's see, 1939.
Yeah, 24, 25.
Looks like a fun gang.
Look, look, look! I got Monica naked.
Let me see.
No, that would be me again.
- Hey, you guys.
- What's going on? Well, we were just talking about you guys getting married and how great it is.
Yeah, you can get a Volvo.
If that's what you really want.
That's so sweet.
- So, we both finished our vows.
- Can we read them? As long as I don't hear his and he doesn't hear mine.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Funny one! Good! Will you marry me? What? I don't get it.
Oh, yeah! - Man, this is hilarious! - Chandler! Don't worry, we'll make yours funnier.
Okay, what do you think? - Dude .
- I have never known love like this.
- You really like it? - Dude! How did you write this? I stole Monica's and changed the name.
- You can't do that! - Lf he goes first he can!