Bewitched (1964) s07e24 Episode Script
Out of the Mouths of Babes
[.]
Feet apart toes in knees together legs bent elbows wide and head over the ball.
How do I look? Like an accident victim about to putt a ball.
[.]
Now, how do I look? Like a man who's gonna break par today.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Come in.
Hi, Sam.
Darrin.
Hi, Larry.
Larry.
[SIGHS.]
That's a new putter, huh? Yeah.
That's a lovely putter.
Anything wrong, Larry? It's Mother Flanagan.
Who's she? She's not a she.
She's an Irish stew, and she's a he.
It just hurts me here Okay, Larry.
Let me have it.
Certainly.
That's why I brought it.
For inspiration.
Uh, let me warn you, Larry.
Uh, this putter also doubles as a deadly weapon.
It's hard to talk sensibly to a man who's about to mug you.
So I'll fill you in, Sam.
Mother Flanagan is leaving Sloan and Sloan Advertising and thinking of coming with us.
Only thinking, mind you.
Do you follow me so far? Mm-hm.
Oh, don't follow him, Sam.
He's leading you into a trap.
And it isn't a sand trap.
Well, Mother Flanagan was supposed to be in a week from Monday, but But he's not coming in a week from Monday.
He's coming in tomorrow.
And all the work that Darrin was supposed to do next week, you want him to do today, right? That's a brilliant summation, Sam.
Larry, you have a heart the size of an overgrown pea.
[CHUCKLING.]
May I? Mm.
Lovely balance.
Mind if I borrow it? Yes.
Thank you.
You mean y You're not gonna work on the Flanagan ideas with me? Of course I'm going to work on them, but you think better sitting and I think better walking.
I'll be back right after my walk, and we'll compare scores.
Notes.
Ha-ha.
[HUMMING.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I hope it pours.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
The craziest thing just happened.
There was one lousy cloud in the sky, and wham.
[.]
[NARRATOR READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
How you doing? Terrible.
Every time I get close to an idea, all I can see is Larry out on that golf course.
Well, forget about him.
Concentrate.
Try thinking music.
A musical campaign.
A jingle.
Something cute.
Like, uh: If it's for Irish stew You're carin' You don't have to go To Erin Ask for Mother Flanagan And you'll buy Can and can again [GIGGLES.]
Well, what do you want, good lyrics or good taste? Hello, darling.
Good morning, Mother.
Darwin.
Terrific.
This is going to help a lot.
Typhoon Mary just blew in.
Darrin.
Not to see you, Durwood.
I expected you to be out on the golf course hitting home runs or shooting pucks, or whatever it is you do.
TABITHA: Grandmama.
Oh.
There's my little princess.
Hi, Grandmama.
Grandmama has a delicious surprise for you.
Oh, goody.
Heh.
Well, it will be if certain mortals don't spoil it.
[.]
That depends on what certain witches have in mind.
Oh, Samantha.
Oh, what was the happiest day in your life? The day I married Darrin.
I don't mean "insanely" happy.
I mean just "happy" happy.
Well, I've had a lot of those days.
Do you remember the Unicorn Handicap? The Unicorn Handicap? Yes, it's It's just like the Kentucky Derby, only with unicorns.
Well, they're off and running, and Grandmama wants to take you.
Forget it.
Tabitha's not going anywhere, except maybe to the park to play mortal games.
Mother, I hope you understand.
You too, sweetheart.
I understand he's behaving like a petulant little boy.
You may think so, Endora, but the truth is.
I happen to be the head of this household.
And I'm man enough to stand up to you.
I doubt it.
Don't, Darrin.
[MAGIC CHIMES.]
Stop, Mother! Too late.
Now your appearance has caught up with your mentality.
[GIGGLES.]
[IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
Sam.
Uh, Tabitha.
Would you mind going outside and waiting for the mailman? Oh, gee.
I miss all the fun.
Tabitha.
Okay, Daddy.
[.]
Mother.
Mm.
You change him back the way he was.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
In due time, darling.
When he's ready to apologize.
In the meantime I suggest he see a tailor.
Sam.
Do something.
Don't just stand there.
Well, you know I can't undo Mother's spells.
Oh, sorry.
So stupid of me to forget.
[GIGGLING.]
Uh however, I, um I-I can substitute for your friendly tailor.
Sweetheart, try to stay calm.
Calm? I've just been stunted out of 30 years' growth.
Now, how do you expect me to be calm? Get your mother back.
Well, I'll try.
But it might be easier if you'd apologize.
Apologize? For what? For daring to stand up to her? For having a difference of opinion? You're hardly in a position to debate the issue.
The door was open, and, uh, heh [DOOR CLOSES.]
Sam, Darrin's putter worked like magic.
Hi there.
Um, thi This is Darrin's nephew.
Darrin's nephew, this is Mr.
Tate.
Hello there, Darrin's nephew.
Does he have a name? His name is, uh [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Marvin.
Peter.
Uh, Marvin.
Peter! It's Marvin Peter.
And I also have a last name: Stephens.
Well, Marvin Peter, you look a lot like your Uncle Darrin.
By the way, where is Darrin? Oh, well, he was up to his hips in Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew until a few minutes ago.
Uh, he He just ran down to the nursery uh, to get a few things for the garden.
Well, then I'll just hang around till he gets back.
I've got a couple of ideas for the Flanagan account I wanna throw at him.
Well, uh, Larry, the thing is he could be gone for hours.
Well, it's either here, or going home and listening to Louise and her string quartet murder Bach.
I'll leave when they leave.
Which should be around 5:30.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Here's the mail, Mommy.
Oh, uh, thank you, sweetheart.
Auntie Samantha, could Tabitha and I go out and play in the park? I can't think of a better idea.
Boy, this is gonna be fun.
Yes.
Now, uh, e-enjoy yourself, kids.
Okay, auntie.
Marvin has a problem with his voice, doesn't he? Yeah, well uh, h-he's at that awkward age.
Larry, fix yourself a drink, will you? I have something urgent I have to take care of in the kitchen.
[.]
Boil and bubble Toil and trouble.
Mother, get here On the double.
"Not until I get an apology from Durwood.
" Ooh! [IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
Sweetheart.
Is the coast clear? Sure, come on in.
Larry left about 15 minutes ago.
Boy, we had so much fun.
I mean, Daddy played basketball with the boys, and they made him captain.
He was better than almost anybody.
Well.
Why not? I was the only kid on the team who was an all-star forward at Missouri State.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Uh, Tabitha, why don't you run up and get ready for dinner? Okay.
[.]
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Herbie.
I thought I told you to get lost.
Can't get lost.
I live down the block.
Hi.
SAMANTHA: Hello.
Boy, something smells good.
Well, I'm sure your parents will have a lovely dinner for you.
Nah.
On Saturdays we usually have roast duck or lobster or Cornish hen, or some dumb thing like that.
Well, this is even dumber.
It's Irish stew.
Mother Flanagan's Stew? How come? Well, I was so busy with the incan Uh, I-I mean, trying to reach Mother, that I forgot to take the roast out of the freezer.
So it's Mother Flanagan to the rescue.
Wow.
Sure gives a guy an appetite.
Uh, it's a little early for dinner.
Not for me.
I usually eat early.
Uh would you like some, Herbie? Would I? Okay, sit down.
You boys can have an early dinner, and then it's home for you, Herbie.
You'd have been proud of Marvin, ma'am.
I bet you when he grows up, he's gonna be a basketball star.
The reason I followed you home is we're playing the Blackhawks tomorrow.
We sure could use you.
I told you, Herbie.
I won't be able to play tomorrow.
He, uh He has homework.
Gee.
We really need him.
Because without you, we don't stand a chance against the Blackhawks.
Sorry, Herbie.
No chance.
Would you consider some player incentive? How about 50 cents? My daddy is loaded, and maybe SAMANTHA: Ah, here you are, Herbie.
You know I've never had Irish stew in my whole life.
[.]
Now I know why.
Y-you mean, you don't like it? I guess it takes getting used to.
If I had more time, I'd get used to it.
But my folks will get worried if I don't get home soon.
Thanks.
I'll be checking with you tomorrow about playing, Marvin.
[.]
[IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
The kid's right.
It's blech.
Now, what about your mother? All you have to do is apologize.
Endora, I'm sorry.
I'm contrite.
I'm apologizing.
I'm even grateful.
ENDORA: You mustn't overdo.
[ENDORA LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Ta-ta.
What do you mean, you're "even grateful"? I mean, if she hadn't turned me into a kid, I wouldn't have met Herbie.
And if I hadn't met Herbie, I wouldn't have realized the problem isn't advertising.
It's taste.
It's as simple as that.
Which means now I have even a bigger problem.
What's that? Convincing Larry to give up a quarter of a million dollars in commission.
Well, that shouldn't be difficult.
No? No.
Just invite him over to taste it.
You think that'll do it? No question about it.
Ooh.
[.]
You mean, it doesn't taste good to you.
And it may not taste good to me but that's because our palates have been spoiled by expensive food.
We can't appreciate the humble Irish stew.
The word is "horrible.
" That's your opinion.
Well, our job is to convince the public that they like Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew, whether they like it or not.
Larry, don't you think you're being a little hypocritical? I call it compassionate.
The Mother Flanagan people think their stew is yummy, and I'm not the one to break their hearts with the truth.
Well, Larry, have you ever heard of integrity? Yes.
And, Darrin, I didn't become the president of McMann & Tate without bending my integrity occasionally.
And this is one of those "occasionallys.
" So when Flanagan comes here tomorrow, see that you have some mouthwatering ideas.
Is there any bicarb in the house? [.]
Okay.
Sock it to me.
I've been up most of the night nursing a sick Mother Flanagan, and just a moment ago, I think I came up with the right medicine.
Oh? Which is the following: We tell the truth about the product.
Don't be ridiculous.
DARRIN: No, no, no, no.
Hear me out.
The idea is integrity with humor.
Well, for instance: Uh, "Mother Flanagan's Stew may not be a gourmet treat, but at least it's nourishing.
" I don't know, Darrin.
Okay, how about this? "You can say this for Mother Flanagan Irish Stew: Even if you don't like it, all you've blown is 59 cents.
" And the account.
Darrin, you must be out of your tree.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
And that's probably him.
Now, let's hear some positive ideas.
Mr.
Flanagan.
Welcome.
Hello, Tate.
Ha, ha, ha! Uh, Samantha, Darrin.
May I present Sean Flanagan's the name.
Irish stew is me game.
How do you do? How do you do? I'm sorry to intrude on your sacred Sunday.
Not at all, Mr.
Flanagan.
At McMann & Tate, Sunday is just the day before Monday.
Ah, cut out the blarney, Tate.
If I wasn't so rich and you weren't so greedy, you'd tell me to go to the devil.
Couldn't be helped.
Could we get started? I have to catch a plane for Dublin.
Uh, before you get started, how about a wee nip of Irish whiskey? Good idea, Mrs.
Stephens.
Ha-ha.
Would you help me get out the ice? Uh, sure.
[.]
Darrin, I have an idea.
Oh, I certainly hope so.
Why not let Marvin tell Mr.
Flanagan the truth? Sam, you're not suggesting I go through that kid routine again? Think of it this way: You won't have to bend your integrity.
You just have to shrink it a little.
Besides, Mr.
Flanagan has to catch a plane for Dublin.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, Sam.
Zap away.
Okay, kid.
Do your stuff.
[CHUCKLING.]
Where's Darrin? Oh, the pilot's out in the stove.
He's fixing it.
I'll have mine on the rocks, Tate.
Uh, right.
Uh, right.
Uh, this is my nephew, Marvin.
Marvin, you know Mr.
Tate.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Hello, Mr.
Tate, sir.
How are you, Marvin? And this is Mr.
Flanagan.
And a top of the morning to you too, Mr.
Finnegan.
No, sweetheart, that's "Flanagan.
" As in Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew.
Oh, her.
What do you mean, "Oh, her," young fella? Nothing, sir.
Have you ever tasted Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew? Do I have to answer that, Auntie Samantha? Of course not, darling.
You can run out and play.
Uh, no, no.
You stay right where you are.
Have you ever tasted it? Yes, sir, I have.
Ah.
And, uh, how did you like it? I'm a Boy Scout, sir, and I cannot tell a lie.
Please don't ask me that question.
You can go now, Marvin.
No, no, no.
You stay.
I want an answer.
The answer is that I tasted it, and I didn't care for it very much, sir.
[LARRY CHUCKLES.]
There are a lot of radical subversives infiltrating the Boy Scouts, and, uh Sam, would you please get Darrin? Of course.
[.]
That kid has a weird voice.
He's at that awkward age.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Thanks, honey.
Good.
Now we can get down to business.
Yeah, well, where's that kid? I wanna talk to him again.
I'll get him.
He wants Marvin again.
So if you don't mind, Sam, once more with feeling.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
You asked to see me, sir? Yes, I did.
Now, come here.
Why didn't you like the stew? Because it didn't taste very good.
Ha-ha.
What would a little kid know? Ha.
It's only my opinion, sir.
The kid's a finicky eater.
Oh, no, Mr.
Tate, sir.
I eat everything that is set before me.
But I couldn't finish the stew.
Scout's honor.
Naturally.
The exotic seasoning is not for a child's taste.
Oh, shut up, Tate.
Why can't we be as honest as this lad? That stew is based on me sainted mother's secret recipe.
But listening to this lad has brought back memories of meself as a child.
I remember I hated that stew.
And as I grew up, I must have been brainwashed into liking it.
The truth is the stew was lousy then, and it's lousy now.
Uh, Marvin, could I see you for a minute? Coming, auntie.
[.]
[IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
It worked.
I heard.
Now put me back.
I'm beginning to feel like a yo-yo.
Mr.
Flanagan? Mr.
Flanagan? Huh? Is anything wrong, Mr.
Flanagan? Wrong? No, no, no, no.
I was I was just thinking about all those warehouses all over the country full of.
Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew, just sitting there, rotting away.
It doesn't have to just sit there, rotting away.
It doesn't? Uh, Mother Flanagan's Stew sells for 59 cents a can, right? Right.
How much of that is profit? Ah, well, uh, with, uh, shipping and delivery, we probably eke out The truth, Mr.
Flanagan.
The truth? Well, uh The truth is we make about 30 cents a can profit.
Why did I say that? Don't worry.
It'll be our secret.
Okay.
Now, suppose you lower the price from 59 cents a can to 39 cents a can.
You'd still make a profit of 10 cents a can, right? There wouldn't be enough buyers at any price.
There would be if Mr.
Flanagan will make one small change in the packaging.
Hm? What's that? All you have to do is change the labels from "Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew" to "Mother Flanagan's Doggy Stew.
" Sam! Ha! She's joking, of course.
No, no, no, wait.
I think Mrs.
Stephens might have something here.
A brilliant idea.
And think of the possibilities.
Do you know how many dogs there are in the United States? Millions.
Why, those warehouses will be empty in no time.
And how's this for a TV commercial? A pair of hands empties a can of Mother Flanagan's Doggy Stew into a dish.
Uh, a beautiful Irish setter lopes into the shot and gulps it down hungrily.
The The TV announcer's voice comes in "If it's good enough for the champion, Erin O'Cork, it's good enough for your pup.
" And it's only 39 cents a can.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mother may never forgive me, but I think I've saved the business.
[ALL LAUGH.]
[.]
[.]
Do you realize we got rid of Flanagan in less than an hour? And I've still got time for 18 holes.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That must be Larry.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
You must be Marvin's uncle.
Yeah? Oh.
Yeah.
Is he ready? For what? Isn't Marvin coming to play basketball with us? Gee, uh, I-I don't know.
It figures.
He's sore at me 'cause I was rude.
Rude? My mother said I was when I told her about not eating the stew.
Herbie, you were honest.
Uh, I think that kind of honesty should be rewarded.
Don't you, sweetheart? Please let Marvin play.
We're playing the Blackhawks, and they're a bunch of bullies.
We won't have a chance without Marvin.
You got yourself a basketball player.
I'll get him.
[.]
I'm getting him, Sam! I got him.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Hi.
Hi.
Come on, let's go.
[IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
Bye, Auntie Samantha.
Hi, Sam.
Where's Darrin? Oh, uh, he had a previous engagement.
But we had a date for golf.
Well, he He had a previous date for basketball.
I don't get it.
He could have called me.
It's the least he Basketball? He's gone off to play basketball? At his age? Larry there are some times when he's a lot younger than you think.
[CHUCKLES.]
[.]
[.]
Feet apart toes in knees together legs bent elbows wide and head over the ball.
How do I look? Like an accident victim about to putt a ball.
[.]
Now, how do I look? Like a man who's gonna break par today.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Come in.
Hi, Sam.
Darrin.
Hi, Larry.
Larry.
[SIGHS.]
That's a new putter, huh? Yeah.
That's a lovely putter.
Anything wrong, Larry? It's Mother Flanagan.
Who's she? She's not a she.
She's an Irish stew, and she's a he.
It just hurts me here Okay, Larry.
Let me have it.
Certainly.
That's why I brought it.
For inspiration.
Uh, let me warn you, Larry.
Uh, this putter also doubles as a deadly weapon.
It's hard to talk sensibly to a man who's about to mug you.
So I'll fill you in, Sam.
Mother Flanagan is leaving Sloan and Sloan Advertising and thinking of coming with us.
Only thinking, mind you.
Do you follow me so far? Mm-hm.
Oh, don't follow him, Sam.
He's leading you into a trap.
And it isn't a sand trap.
Well, Mother Flanagan was supposed to be in a week from Monday, but But he's not coming in a week from Monday.
He's coming in tomorrow.
And all the work that Darrin was supposed to do next week, you want him to do today, right? That's a brilliant summation, Sam.
Larry, you have a heart the size of an overgrown pea.
[CHUCKLING.]
May I? Mm.
Lovely balance.
Mind if I borrow it? Yes.
Thank you.
You mean y You're not gonna work on the Flanagan ideas with me? Of course I'm going to work on them, but you think better sitting and I think better walking.
I'll be back right after my walk, and we'll compare scores.
Notes.
Ha-ha.
[HUMMING.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I hope it pours.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
The craziest thing just happened.
There was one lousy cloud in the sky, and wham.
[.]
[NARRATOR READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
How you doing? Terrible.
Every time I get close to an idea, all I can see is Larry out on that golf course.
Well, forget about him.
Concentrate.
Try thinking music.
A musical campaign.
A jingle.
Something cute.
Like, uh: If it's for Irish stew You're carin' You don't have to go To Erin Ask for Mother Flanagan And you'll buy Can and can again [GIGGLES.]
Well, what do you want, good lyrics or good taste? Hello, darling.
Good morning, Mother.
Darwin.
Terrific.
This is going to help a lot.
Typhoon Mary just blew in.
Darrin.
Not to see you, Durwood.
I expected you to be out on the golf course hitting home runs or shooting pucks, or whatever it is you do.
TABITHA: Grandmama.
Oh.
There's my little princess.
Hi, Grandmama.
Grandmama has a delicious surprise for you.
Oh, goody.
Heh.
Well, it will be if certain mortals don't spoil it.
[.]
That depends on what certain witches have in mind.
Oh, Samantha.
Oh, what was the happiest day in your life? The day I married Darrin.
I don't mean "insanely" happy.
I mean just "happy" happy.
Well, I've had a lot of those days.
Do you remember the Unicorn Handicap? The Unicorn Handicap? Yes, it's It's just like the Kentucky Derby, only with unicorns.
Well, they're off and running, and Grandmama wants to take you.
Forget it.
Tabitha's not going anywhere, except maybe to the park to play mortal games.
Mother, I hope you understand.
You too, sweetheart.
I understand he's behaving like a petulant little boy.
You may think so, Endora, but the truth is.
I happen to be the head of this household.
And I'm man enough to stand up to you.
I doubt it.
Don't, Darrin.
[MAGIC CHIMES.]
Stop, Mother! Too late.
Now your appearance has caught up with your mentality.
[GIGGLES.]
[IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
Sam.
Uh, Tabitha.
Would you mind going outside and waiting for the mailman? Oh, gee.
I miss all the fun.
Tabitha.
Okay, Daddy.
[.]
Mother.
Mm.
You change him back the way he was.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
In due time, darling.
When he's ready to apologize.
In the meantime I suggest he see a tailor.
Sam.
Do something.
Don't just stand there.
Well, you know I can't undo Mother's spells.
Oh, sorry.
So stupid of me to forget.
[GIGGLING.]
Uh however, I, um I-I can substitute for your friendly tailor.
Sweetheart, try to stay calm.
Calm? I've just been stunted out of 30 years' growth.
Now, how do you expect me to be calm? Get your mother back.
Well, I'll try.
But it might be easier if you'd apologize.
Apologize? For what? For daring to stand up to her? For having a difference of opinion? You're hardly in a position to debate the issue.
The door was open, and, uh, heh [DOOR CLOSES.]
Sam, Darrin's putter worked like magic.
Hi there.
Um, thi This is Darrin's nephew.
Darrin's nephew, this is Mr.
Tate.
Hello there, Darrin's nephew.
Does he have a name? His name is, uh [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Marvin.
Peter.
Uh, Marvin.
Peter! It's Marvin Peter.
And I also have a last name: Stephens.
Well, Marvin Peter, you look a lot like your Uncle Darrin.
By the way, where is Darrin? Oh, well, he was up to his hips in Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew until a few minutes ago.
Uh, he He just ran down to the nursery uh, to get a few things for the garden.
Well, then I'll just hang around till he gets back.
I've got a couple of ideas for the Flanagan account I wanna throw at him.
Well, uh, Larry, the thing is he could be gone for hours.
Well, it's either here, or going home and listening to Louise and her string quartet murder Bach.
I'll leave when they leave.
Which should be around 5:30.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Here's the mail, Mommy.
Oh, uh, thank you, sweetheart.
Auntie Samantha, could Tabitha and I go out and play in the park? I can't think of a better idea.
Boy, this is gonna be fun.
Yes.
Now, uh, e-enjoy yourself, kids.
Okay, auntie.
Marvin has a problem with his voice, doesn't he? Yeah, well uh, h-he's at that awkward age.
Larry, fix yourself a drink, will you? I have something urgent I have to take care of in the kitchen.
[.]
Boil and bubble Toil and trouble.
Mother, get here On the double.
"Not until I get an apology from Durwood.
" Ooh! [IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
Sweetheart.
Is the coast clear? Sure, come on in.
Larry left about 15 minutes ago.
Boy, we had so much fun.
I mean, Daddy played basketball with the boys, and they made him captain.
He was better than almost anybody.
Well.
Why not? I was the only kid on the team who was an all-star forward at Missouri State.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Uh, Tabitha, why don't you run up and get ready for dinner? Okay.
[.]
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Herbie.
I thought I told you to get lost.
Can't get lost.
I live down the block.
Hi.
SAMANTHA: Hello.
Boy, something smells good.
Well, I'm sure your parents will have a lovely dinner for you.
Nah.
On Saturdays we usually have roast duck or lobster or Cornish hen, or some dumb thing like that.
Well, this is even dumber.
It's Irish stew.
Mother Flanagan's Stew? How come? Well, I was so busy with the incan Uh, I-I mean, trying to reach Mother, that I forgot to take the roast out of the freezer.
So it's Mother Flanagan to the rescue.
Wow.
Sure gives a guy an appetite.
Uh, it's a little early for dinner.
Not for me.
I usually eat early.
Uh would you like some, Herbie? Would I? Okay, sit down.
You boys can have an early dinner, and then it's home for you, Herbie.
You'd have been proud of Marvin, ma'am.
I bet you when he grows up, he's gonna be a basketball star.
The reason I followed you home is we're playing the Blackhawks tomorrow.
We sure could use you.
I told you, Herbie.
I won't be able to play tomorrow.
He, uh He has homework.
Gee.
We really need him.
Because without you, we don't stand a chance against the Blackhawks.
Sorry, Herbie.
No chance.
Would you consider some player incentive? How about 50 cents? My daddy is loaded, and maybe SAMANTHA: Ah, here you are, Herbie.
You know I've never had Irish stew in my whole life.
[.]
Now I know why.
Y-you mean, you don't like it? I guess it takes getting used to.
If I had more time, I'd get used to it.
But my folks will get worried if I don't get home soon.
Thanks.
I'll be checking with you tomorrow about playing, Marvin.
[.]
[IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
The kid's right.
It's blech.
Now, what about your mother? All you have to do is apologize.
Endora, I'm sorry.
I'm contrite.
I'm apologizing.
I'm even grateful.
ENDORA: You mustn't overdo.
[ENDORA LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Ta-ta.
What do you mean, you're "even grateful"? I mean, if she hadn't turned me into a kid, I wouldn't have met Herbie.
And if I hadn't met Herbie, I wouldn't have realized the problem isn't advertising.
It's taste.
It's as simple as that.
Which means now I have even a bigger problem.
What's that? Convincing Larry to give up a quarter of a million dollars in commission.
Well, that shouldn't be difficult.
No? No.
Just invite him over to taste it.
You think that'll do it? No question about it.
Ooh.
[.]
You mean, it doesn't taste good to you.
And it may not taste good to me but that's because our palates have been spoiled by expensive food.
We can't appreciate the humble Irish stew.
The word is "horrible.
" That's your opinion.
Well, our job is to convince the public that they like Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew, whether they like it or not.
Larry, don't you think you're being a little hypocritical? I call it compassionate.
The Mother Flanagan people think their stew is yummy, and I'm not the one to break their hearts with the truth.
Well, Larry, have you ever heard of integrity? Yes.
And, Darrin, I didn't become the president of McMann & Tate without bending my integrity occasionally.
And this is one of those "occasionallys.
" So when Flanagan comes here tomorrow, see that you have some mouthwatering ideas.
Is there any bicarb in the house? [.]
Okay.
Sock it to me.
I've been up most of the night nursing a sick Mother Flanagan, and just a moment ago, I think I came up with the right medicine.
Oh? Which is the following: We tell the truth about the product.
Don't be ridiculous.
DARRIN: No, no, no, no.
Hear me out.
The idea is integrity with humor.
Well, for instance: Uh, "Mother Flanagan's Stew may not be a gourmet treat, but at least it's nourishing.
" I don't know, Darrin.
Okay, how about this? "You can say this for Mother Flanagan Irish Stew: Even if you don't like it, all you've blown is 59 cents.
" And the account.
Darrin, you must be out of your tree.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
And that's probably him.
Now, let's hear some positive ideas.
Mr.
Flanagan.
Welcome.
Hello, Tate.
Ha, ha, ha! Uh, Samantha, Darrin.
May I present Sean Flanagan's the name.
Irish stew is me game.
How do you do? How do you do? I'm sorry to intrude on your sacred Sunday.
Not at all, Mr.
Flanagan.
At McMann & Tate, Sunday is just the day before Monday.
Ah, cut out the blarney, Tate.
If I wasn't so rich and you weren't so greedy, you'd tell me to go to the devil.
Couldn't be helped.
Could we get started? I have to catch a plane for Dublin.
Uh, before you get started, how about a wee nip of Irish whiskey? Good idea, Mrs.
Stephens.
Ha-ha.
Would you help me get out the ice? Uh, sure.
[.]
Darrin, I have an idea.
Oh, I certainly hope so.
Why not let Marvin tell Mr.
Flanagan the truth? Sam, you're not suggesting I go through that kid routine again? Think of it this way: You won't have to bend your integrity.
You just have to shrink it a little.
Besides, Mr.
Flanagan has to catch a plane for Dublin.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, Sam.
Zap away.
Okay, kid.
Do your stuff.
[CHUCKLING.]
Where's Darrin? Oh, the pilot's out in the stove.
He's fixing it.
I'll have mine on the rocks, Tate.
Uh, right.
Uh, right.
Uh, this is my nephew, Marvin.
Marvin, you know Mr.
Tate.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Hello, Mr.
Tate, sir.
How are you, Marvin? And this is Mr.
Flanagan.
And a top of the morning to you too, Mr.
Finnegan.
No, sweetheart, that's "Flanagan.
" As in Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew.
Oh, her.
What do you mean, "Oh, her," young fella? Nothing, sir.
Have you ever tasted Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew? Do I have to answer that, Auntie Samantha? Of course not, darling.
You can run out and play.
Uh, no, no.
You stay right where you are.
Have you ever tasted it? Yes, sir, I have.
Ah.
And, uh, how did you like it? I'm a Boy Scout, sir, and I cannot tell a lie.
Please don't ask me that question.
You can go now, Marvin.
No, no, no.
You stay.
I want an answer.
The answer is that I tasted it, and I didn't care for it very much, sir.
[LARRY CHUCKLES.]
There are a lot of radical subversives infiltrating the Boy Scouts, and, uh Sam, would you please get Darrin? Of course.
[.]
That kid has a weird voice.
He's at that awkward age.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Thanks, honey.
Good.
Now we can get down to business.
Yeah, well, where's that kid? I wanna talk to him again.
I'll get him.
He wants Marvin again.
So if you don't mind, Sam, once more with feeling.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
You asked to see me, sir? Yes, I did.
Now, come here.
Why didn't you like the stew? Because it didn't taste very good.
Ha-ha.
What would a little kid know? Ha.
It's only my opinion, sir.
The kid's a finicky eater.
Oh, no, Mr.
Tate, sir.
I eat everything that is set before me.
But I couldn't finish the stew.
Scout's honor.
Naturally.
The exotic seasoning is not for a child's taste.
Oh, shut up, Tate.
Why can't we be as honest as this lad? That stew is based on me sainted mother's secret recipe.
But listening to this lad has brought back memories of meself as a child.
I remember I hated that stew.
And as I grew up, I must have been brainwashed into liking it.
The truth is the stew was lousy then, and it's lousy now.
Uh, Marvin, could I see you for a minute? Coming, auntie.
[.]
[IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
It worked.
I heard.
Now put me back.
I'm beginning to feel like a yo-yo.
Mr.
Flanagan? Mr.
Flanagan? Huh? Is anything wrong, Mr.
Flanagan? Wrong? No, no, no, no.
I was I was just thinking about all those warehouses all over the country full of.
Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew, just sitting there, rotting away.
It doesn't have to just sit there, rotting away.
It doesn't? Uh, Mother Flanagan's Stew sells for 59 cents a can, right? Right.
How much of that is profit? Ah, well, uh, with, uh, shipping and delivery, we probably eke out The truth, Mr.
Flanagan.
The truth? Well, uh The truth is we make about 30 cents a can profit.
Why did I say that? Don't worry.
It'll be our secret.
Okay.
Now, suppose you lower the price from 59 cents a can to 39 cents a can.
You'd still make a profit of 10 cents a can, right? There wouldn't be enough buyers at any price.
There would be if Mr.
Flanagan will make one small change in the packaging.
Hm? What's that? All you have to do is change the labels from "Mother Flanagan's Irish Stew" to "Mother Flanagan's Doggy Stew.
" Sam! Ha! She's joking, of course.
No, no, no, wait.
I think Mrs.
Stephens might have something here.
A brilliant idea.
And think of the possibilities.
Do you know how many dogs there are in the United States? Millions.
Why, those warehouses will be empty in no time.
And how's this for a TV commercial? A pair of hands empties a can of Mother Flanagan's Doggy Stew into a dish.
Uh, a beautiful Irish setter lopes into the shot and gulps it down hungrily.
The The TV announcer's voice comes in "If it's good enough for the champion, Erin O'Cork, it's good enough for your pup.
" And it's only 39 cents a can.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mother may never forgive me, but I think I've saved the business.
[ALL LAUGH.]
[.]
[.]
Do you realize we got rid of Flanagan in less than an hour? And I've still got time for 18 holes.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That must be Larry.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
You must be Marvin's uncle.
Yeah? Oh.
Yeah.
Is he ready? For what? Isn't Marvin coming to play basketball with us? Gee, uh, I-I don't know.
It figures.
He's sore at me 'cause I was rude.
Rude? My mother said I was when I told her about not eating the stew.
Herbie, you were honest.
Uh, I think that kind of honesty should be rewarded.
Don't you, sweetheart? Please let Marvin play.
We're playing the Blackhawks, and they're a bunch of bullies.
We won't have a chance without Marvin.
You got yourself a basketball player.
I'll get him.
[.]
I'm getting him, Sam! I got him.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
Hi.
Hi.
Come on, let's go.
[IN DARRIN'S VOICE.]
Bye, Auntie Samantha.
Hi, Sam.
Where's Darrin? Oh, uh, he had a previous engagement.
But we had a date for golf.
Well, he He had a previous date for basketball.
I don't get it.
He could have called me.
It's the least he Basketball? He's gone off to play basketball? At his age? Larry there are some times when he's a lot younger than you think.
[CHUCKLES.]
[.]
[.]