Friends s07e24 Episode Script

Oh, my God! I know.
Monica's gonna have a baby! Can this count as her "something new"? Oh, my God.
Do you think this is why he took off? She had to have just taken it.
I took out the trash last night.
It's turning into the worst wedding ever.
The bride's pregnant, the groom's missing and I'm holding this.
Phoebe, we cannot tell anyone about this.
- Right.
Yeah.
- Okay? Do you know what kind of birth control she uses? No.
Why? Just for the future.
This is hardly a commercial for it.
The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding Anything? No.
I talked to Joey.
He hasn't heard from him.
I talked to Chandler's parents again.
- You said he was missing? - No.
It seemed like I called to chat.
Pretty sure they both think I'm interested.
- We've got to tell her.
- No, we can't.
She'll start getting ready soon.
Can't you stall her? I'll go to the places I went last night.
How much time? How long before she has to get ready? - One hour.
- Give me two.
Then why do you ask? - Wish me luck.
- I'm going with you.
Why? You're tired.
You looked all night.
And clearly, you suck at this.
See you later.
Wait, do you know how you're gonna stall her? - I'll figure something out.
- Okay, good luck.
Let's start with my makeup and then do my hair.
Okay.
But before you do that, I need you to talk to me.
About what? I'm never gonna get married! You will.
The right guy's around the corner.
Okay, are we done with that? No, I'm serious.
Maybe I should just forget about it.
Become a lesbian or something.
Any woman would be lucky to have you.
Maybe I'd feel better if I slept with Joey.
Rachel? Are you okay? Excuse me, Aaron? I have a little problem with the schedule.
I wasn't supposed to work today.
I have a wedding that I have to be at.
It's my best friend's, and I'm officiating so I really can't work past 4.
You've gotta stay until the end.
We can't stop filming just for you.
It's not like it's your wedding.
I'm having surgery.
What? I made up the wedding, because I didn't want you to worry.
But I'm having surgery today.
What kind of surgery? Transplant.
You're supposed to work on Monday.
Hair transplant.
But you're not bald.
It's not on my head.
There's nothing I can do.
You'll probably be out by 4 anyway.
We've got one scene.
It's just you and Richard, and he's a pro.
You'll be fine.
Morning, Richard.
Hey, you're here! Great! Let's go, buddy! We got a scene to shoot! I'm wearing two belts.
- Are you drunk? - No.
Yes, you are! All right.
So this is your office? How'd you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym.
- What the hell are you doing? - Panicking.
And using the Internet to try to prove that I'm related to Monica.
- How is she? - She doesn't know you're gone.
And she doesn't have to know.
Come on, we're going home.
- I can't do that.
- Why not? If I go home, we're gonna become the Bings.
I can't be the Bings.
What's wrong with it? The Bings have bad marriages.
They yell, fight, and use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games.
Have you ever put on a black dress and asked me up to your hotel room? - No.
- Then you are neither of your parents.
It's not just their marriage.
Look at yours.
Look at everybody's.
Only Paul Newman can make marriage work.
And I am no Paul Newman.
I don't race cars or make popcorn.
None of my proceeds go to charity.
But look, Chandler right now no one has a lower opinion of you than I do.
But I totally believe you can do this.
I want to.
I love her so much, but I'm afraid It's too huge.
You're right.
It is huge.
So let's take it just a little bit at a time.
Forget getting married for a sec.
Can you just come home and take a shower? That's not scary, right? Depends on what you mean by "we.
" The nights are the hardest.
But then the day comes and that's every bit as hard as the night.
- Then the night comes - Days and nights are hard, I get it! I have to start getting ready.
I'm getting married today.
I know.
At dusk.
That's such a hard time for me.
I'm gonna put makeup on.
We have to be there in an hour.
- Wait! - What? Let's go to lunch! I can't go to lunch! Right.
Oh, good God, I've fallen down.
What's going on? All right, honey, listen.
When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, remember that we're all here for you, and we love you.
Okay, you're really freaking me out.
We can't find Chandler His vest.
We can't find Chandler's vest.
How can that be? Wait, are you serious? Found the vest.
We'll have to keep an eye on it, make sure we don't lose it again.
Oh, wow! Okay, don't scare me like that, okay? For a minute, I was like, "Oh, my God! The worst has happened! " So you two were married, huh? What happened, you just drift apart? Here comes the bride.
Oh, my God, Monica! I want to wear this every day.
You look so beautiful.
I'm so happy for me.
- Hello? - Did Chandler show up yet? - We got him back.
Everything's fine.
- Damn it! - Where are you? - I'm still on the set.
The wedding is in less than an hour.
I'm sorry.
The guy's drunk.
They won't let me go until we get it.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna have to find another minister.
No, I'm the minister! Put them both on the phone and I'll marry them right now.
Joey, I have to go.
Don't hang up on me! I'll marry you and me right now! I have the power! There you go! You put on a tuxedo! That wasn't scary, was it? No.
I'm telling you, just a little bit at a time.
Okay.
What's the next little bit? Getting married.
You can do that too.
Just like you've done everything else.
Yeah, you're right.
I can do that.
- Excuse me for a minute.
- Where you going? I'm not gonna run away.
I just want some fresh air.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Oh, fresh air! - Cover for me.
- Maybe you overreacted.
You do that.
We gotta do something.
Joey won't make it, so I'll look around for other weddings.
Don't tell them Monica's pregnant, because they frown on that.
Okay.
Anastassakis Papasifakis Wedding.
Excellent.
Congratulations.
Hi! Oh, great hat.
I need you to perform another wedding.
Can you do that? I don't know.
Are they Greek Orthodox? Yeah.
Yeah.
They're my friends, Monica Stephanopolis.
And Chandler Acidophilus.
Has anyone seen Chandler? - I thought he was with you.
- He was with me.
We're playing a game.
Hide-and-seek.
You can't ask us, son.
That's cheating.
You're right.
Thanks for keeping me honest, Dad.
He can't come here and see the bride in her wedding dress.
When we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
That was after the wedding.
It's not bad luck then.
Honey, it isn't good luck.
Oh, my God! Monica.
I know! - How's Chandler doing? - Great.
He's doing great.
Don't you worry about Chandler.
- Phoebe, can I see you for a second? - Yeah.
- What's going on? - Chandler's gone again.
Why would you play hide-and-seek with someone you know is a flight risk? Aaron, you gotta let me go.
The guy's hammered.
I'm sorry.
As long as he's here and conscious, we're still shooting.
You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork? So, I just talked to the director.
That's it.
We're done for the day.
We finished the scene? - You were wonderful.
- As were you.
So I got your car.
It's right outside.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
No, we gotta go.
Come on.
Here we go.
Is that my ass? - There he is! - What? You won't get away this time! Unless you want that ass-kicking we talked about! Ross! I'm serious! You're not walking out on my sister! That's right.
I'm not.
- Then where have you been? - I know about Monica.
- You know? - What? - I heard you and Rachel talking.
- About what? You don't know? If somebody doesn't tell me right now .
What, you'll "hi-yah"? Monica's pregnant.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
And you're not freaking out? I was.
Then I went to the gift shop for cigarettes.
- Cigarettes? - Big picture, please! So I was in the gift shop, that's when I saw this .
And I thought anything that can fit into this can't be scary.
You obviously didn't see Chuckie III.
But come on, look at how cute and small this is.
So I got it to give Monica, so she'd know I was okay.
Dude.
Way to go, son.
I knew you'd find him.
Our little boy is getting married.
Look at you, so handsome.
You look beautiful, Mom.
You look beautiful too, Dad.
I love you both.
I'm so glad you're here.
Are you Chandler? Are you Joey? - This is nice.
- What? I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce.
I wish your grandmother had lived to see this.
- She's right there.
- Not that old crone.
My mother.
Congratulations, darling.
We love you, sweetheart.
You look beautiful.
- Is this new? - Not now.
- Who's this? - I'm Father Karabasos.
He's Greek Orthodox.
As are you.
Let us begin.
Dearly beloved That's my line! I can take it from here.
Thanks.
Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late.
You may be confused by this now but you won't be Memorial Day weekend, 2002.
Let's get started before the groom takes off again.
We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony.
I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can't imagine two people more perfect for each other.
And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room we shall proceed to the vows.
Monica? - He took off? - Go on.
Go on.
Chandler, for so long I wondered if I would ever find my prince.
My soul mate.
Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort.
And instead, I found everything that I'd been looking for my whole life.
And now here we are with our future before us.
And I only want to spend it with you.
My prince.
My soul mate.
My friend.
Unless you don't want to.
You go.
Chandler? No, that's okay.
I thought this would be the most difficult thing I ever had to do.
But when I saw you walking down that aisle, I realized it's simple.
I love you.
Any surprises that come our way, it's okay, because I will always love you.
You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.
You want to know if I'm sure? You may now kiss the bride.
I guess by the powers vested in me by the State of New York and the Internet guys I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Oh, wait.
Do you take each other? - I do.
- I do.
Yeah, you do! Rings? Oh, crap.
Let's do the rings.
We good? Yeah? Good? Once again I pronounce you husband and wife.
Now kiss her again.
I love you.
And I know about the baby.
- What baby? - Our baby.
We have a baby? Phoebe found your pregnancy test.
I didn't take a pregnancy test.
Then who did? Look at them.
And they're gonna have a baby.