Everybody Loves Raymond s08e01 Episode Script

Hey, guys, come on, settle who told you you could have those? Put those back.
Settle down! Ray, can you help me? Hey hey hey hey hey hey! Listen! Bye.
Ray? What? Where are you going? I told you yesterday I was going to pick out paint colors for the bedroom today.
I told you I wanted to go golfing.
Yeah, and I said, "Too bad.
" I thought that meant for you.
Ray, I'm going to the hardware store.
You only have to watch the boys 'cause Ally's at Molly's.
I'll spend the whole day with them tomorrow, okay? I promise.
I'll skip church, okay? I'll give my kids the time I normally reserve for the Lord.
Do you want to be any part of their childhood memories? "Childhood memories.
" Come on.
Ask them about their trip to Disney World - They don't even remember it.
- They were three.
Tiger Woods could hit a ball Okay, Ray.
Go ahead, you go golfing.
I'll drag them around with me all day.
I'm sure they'll have a wonderful time looking at paint samples.
There you go.
You put those golf clubs down, spend some time with your kids, and create some damn memories! All right! Maybe you should worry about the memories I'm gonna have of you.
You should have told me you were picking up paint samples.
I could have gone with you.
Oh, what was I thinking? Well, no matter.
Sit down, sweetheart.
You know, when I heard that you were looking for new colors for the bedroom, I brought over my own samples.
This is from when paint was good.
You know, Marie, I think I already found something I like.
Yes, but you have to consider all your options.
That's true there, Debra.
You've gotta choose carefully when it's something you're gonna be looking at for the rest of your life.
All right.
That concludes our Super Special Daddy Day.
- Who do we love? - Daddy! That's me.
That's great! It looks like you boys had fun.
We went to Daddy's golf course.
Daddy's golf course? Well, I played like I owned the place.
Why are you all wet? Oh yeah, I let them play in the sand trap, and then I hit some balls into the little creek so they could go get them and rinse off.
You what? Yeah, it was great.
It was like an underwater Easter-egg hunt.
Aw, they loved it.
Boys, go upstairs and change.
Oh boy.
So, what's Super Special Daddy getting for Super Special Supper? This was supposed to be the kids' day, and you dragged them around the golf course? What are you talking about? They had a great time.
I thought the whole point was for me and the kids to spend some time together and have fun, huh? Like when Dad used to take me and Robert to the lodge instead of the playground.
You took my babies to your disgusting lodge? Never happened.
I don't know what he's talking about.
Oh what? It was fun collecting bottle caps and learning how to play pool.
Dad, remember you would get a beer and you'd let me and Robert suck the foam off the top of it? You let my Raymond have beer? Made a man out of him! Almost.
What? No big deal.
This is your defense him? Yeah.
We were happy 'cause we were with our dad.
And that's why the boys had a good time.
Doing what you want to do.
The boys had fun.
To quote them, "Ya-hoo.
" They did seem happy.
Next time, give them some beer.
Look, you said you should create some childhood memories.
I think we made a whole bunch of good ones today.
I agree with Raymond.
Well, you know, they did seem like they had a good time.
So okay, you're right.
Thank you.
And I had a great time too.
Hey, Ray, remember at the lodge when the guys tried to get you to smoke a cigarette and you swallowed it? You threw up funny.
Oh boy, those kids really wore me out today.
I've probably got just enough strength to make love, and that's it.
How you doin'? So you really spent the whole day on the golf course with the kids? Wait a minute.
Didn't I already win this argument? I know, but it's just I don't know.
It seemed like you had such a good time together.
You told me to.
Well, what about me? What do you mean? You can have a good time with them every day if you want.
Do it tomorrow.
I can go golfing without the noise, you know.
I didn't want to say anything, but they cost me, like, four strokes.
Not me and them.
Me and you.
What? I mean, you can have such a fun time with the kids.
Why can't you have fun with me? I was just trying to have fun with you.
You were trying to have sex with me.
Sex is fun.
Especially with me, 'cause I whistle.
You remember when we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we used to go to concerts and bowling, baseball games everything.
We used to have fun.
Look, I didn't know that you were still interested in having fun.
What are you talking about? Of course I am.
Well, all right, but you gotta tell me.
I'm not a mind reader.
All right, okay.
You know what? I am telling you right now, I want to have fun with you.
- Okay - Non-sexual fun.
Where is this coming from? Were you reading one of those magazines in the beauty parlor? No, Ray.
But I did happen to get a postcard from Amy and Robert today.
Oh, Amy and Robert! "Oh, we're in Italy.
Let's share a piece of spaghetti together and then we can slurp it till we meet in the middle.
" "We're having such a great time together.
It's absolutely magical.
" They're on their honeymoon! Guess what they're doing a lot of.
It's not just that.
They enjoy each other.
They enjoy each other's company.
They enjoy being together.
You remember what that was like? Well so what, you wanna have like a picnic or something? No.
You know what I was thinking? Why don't we go golfing together? Come on, Ray.
I mean, you know, you love golf, and I wanna be a part of that.
It could be fun.
You could teach me.
Come on, Ray.
I mean, you know, golf is your thing.
You read about it, you watch it, you wear your nicest clothes to it I wanna be a part of that.
Listen, golf golf, it's a frustrating game, all right? And it's really hot out there.
And-and if there's lightning, you could be killed.
All right.
Listen if-if you want to go golfing we'll go.
Because you're my girlfriend.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah.
And-and if there's lightning, I'll step in front of you and take it in the head.
- There you are.
- Hey.
I was just in the gift shop.
You didn't par off without me, did you? No no.
No, I didn't I didn't tee off tee off.
- Right.
- Yeah.
Look, I got us visors.
Hey hey! Great, yeah.
Hey, they match.
- "I love birdies.
" - Yeah.
I mean, I know it doesn't have anything to do with golf, but I just thought they were cute.
Okay, Ray, I am ready.
What do we do now? Right.
Why don't I tee off first? - Then we'll get you going.
- Okay.
All right.
Wait.
You're not wearing your visor.
Huh? All right.
Yeah.
Now we look like teammates.
Whoo! Oh my gosh, Ray, that was great! Yeah, that'll work.
No, really, Ray, that was awesome.
I had no idea you were so good.
My gosh, you were like one of those pros on TV.
No.
- Yeah? - Yeah! Wow! You know, I got my hips through on that one.
Hit another one.
No, don't worry.
There'll be plenty more times to amaze you.
- Here, go ahead.
- Oh boy.
I'll set you up here.
- Okay.
- Yeah, don't worry about it.
- Go ahead.
- Okay.
Yep.
Relax.
All right, well all right, I'll help you.
Just, um What? No, it's just this is a lot better than when I showed Robert.
All right, so yeah, that's good.
The grip here.
First, this hand goes up here, then the right hand on top.
Then kind of interlock at the pinkie there.
Okay, now just watch it, and just take it back nice and slow, and then just swing through.
Oh, I hit it! I hit that ball! That little ball! That's-that's you know what? It's not bad.
That's very good.
Really? Yeah? Really.
Yeah.
Sorry, guys.
We'll get out of your way.
All right.
Hey, guys, if my wife calls, - tell her I'm with my girlfriend.
- Oh! All right, this is great.
You've got a chance to break 10 on this hole.
Okay, show me again.
Okay, just you just put your thumbs on top of the grip - And palms facing each other.
- Right.
Oh! Ha ha! Yeah! See? See, you're a great putter.
Okay.
Okay, honey, slice it in.
Oh, you gotta hit it, you idiot! Um, you know what? What? Nothing.
It's just I noticed that your thumbs aren't really on top of your grip.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay.
Good shot, honey.
Yeah, a bogey.
Are you okay? You didn't mind me correcting you, did you? No, not at all.
I love it at home, why wouldn't I love it on the golf course? I'm joking.
Golfers, they zing each other all the time.
They zing-zing! Come on, next hole! - Posture posture posture.
- I know, I know, I know.
Hold on, hold on.
You just, uh you're a little too bent over.
You know what, Ray? Let me just do this one myself.
I just need a little space.
Okay.
Okay.
Here I go.
Wow! Did you see how far that went? It landed on the smooth part! Ray? What? You weren't watching? I was I was adjusting my visor.
You know, I watch all your shots.
Would it kill you to watch mine? I'm sorry.
You should have said something.
I did.
I said, "Here I go.
" - You did? - Yes.
You don't listen to me at home, so why should you listen to me on the golf course? Zing-zing.
Can you back up a couple feet? What's the problem? Your shadow is in my way.
What? It's-it's right in front of the hole.
And my shadow's going to stop your ball? No, it's-it's just look, could you just back up a couple steps? Damn it! The ball barely even made it to where my shadow was.
Because you got me all nuts! Can't even make a frickin' putt! I don't think it's your putter's fault, Ray.
You're right.
It's not the putter.
What? It's you.
Excuse me? You know, when we started today, you were all, "Oh, you're great, Ray.
You're like a pro, Ray.
" You're not exactly the same guy I teed off with either.
You went from hugging and kissing me to not wanting to have anything to do with me or my shadow.
I stopped hugging you when you started yelling, "I need my space.
" What happened to all the boyfriend-girlfriend crap? Boyfriends are supposed to pay attention to their girlfriends.
Yeah? Well, we're married now.
You're still supposed to want to be with me.
You're still supposed to listen to me.
Look, I'm sorry that I missed your shot.
It's not about the shot! Well, then why'd you bring it up, huh? Golfing we're supposed to have fun here! And you know what? I always do have fun when I come here.
But not today.
Hmm, I wonder what's different about today.
What's different about today is that I made a big effort to do something you love so we could be together.
- That's not why you did it.
- Yes, it is! No, I think you did it so it would ruin what I love so I don't love it anymore.
- What?! - Yes, that's right! So all I would want to do is stay home and listen to you all day.
And then when you sleep, I should take out a pad and sketch you! How dare you say I came here to ruin golf for you! - Well then, why'd you come?! - Forget it, Ray.
It's obvious that you don't even want me here.
Well, maybe I don't.
Maybe I need my space too! You're right, Ray.
You're right.
But, you know, maybe it would help your argument if we were even a little bit connected at home.
But it doesn't happen there either.
Maybe I do want what Amy and Robert have.
Maybe I do want what we had.
But I shouldn't have come here.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna I'm gonna work on all those things that you were talking about.
I wanna have fun with you too.
I like being with you.
I just you know, I guess it's it's easy to forget after you've been married for 12 years.
I guess it just feels like 12 because we have so much fun.
Come on, let's finish.
We've got a couple more holes.
You know, I think I've had enough.
No, but you're doing good.
All you gotta do is just keep trying.
Thanks, Ray, but you know what? I hate golf.
Really? You're not just saying that to make me feel good, are you? I gotta say, this part a little better with Robert.
Zing-zing! Hey.
Hi.
Sorry we're late.
The kids give you any trouble? Just the big ugly one.
How was your golf date? It was really nice.
Yeah.
Boy, that's the most fun we've had in a long time.
Then you really recommend this spending the day together? - Absolutely.
Makes you feel young.
- Yeah.
I'm so jealous.
Frank, I don't care what you say.
Tomorrow I'm spending the day with Raymond.