Friends s08e01 Episode Script

Great Great.
.
!!! Just gimme a second tochange the film.
I know I'm not supposed to know, but I do and I'm so excited.
- What's going on? - Monica's pregnant.
My God, Is that why you guys had to get married? - I'm not pregnant! - Ah, slow swimmers? - You're not pregnant? - Did you tell anybody I was? No.
I'll be right back.
I'll shoot Monica and the bloody soldier.
- You gotta change before the party.
- I don't have any other clothes.
Find anything that doesn't say, "I died tragically in France.
" Let's see the bride and groom, and the bridesmaids.
- Why did you say you're not pregnant? - 'Cause I'm not.
We found your test in the trash.
If you're not pregnant it's because I am.
- What are you talking about? - I am with child.
I didn't say anything because it's your day.
So you told people I was pregnant? Does this look like a moment to remember? - Who's the father? - I can't say.
- Why not? - I can't say because he's famous.
Oh, my God, who is it? Come on, you have to tell us.
- Okay.
It's James Brolin.
- James Brolin is the father.
- Barbra Streisand's husband? What? He never said that to me.
The One After 'I Do' mrnch@dh.
net.
mk Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004 Let's get Chandler and the bridesmaids.
- How about just the bridesmaids? - You know, I am the groom.
- Oh, my God! - Thank you for doing that! - You said Monica was pregnant.
- You did, I just didn't disagree.
Sneaky! Smile, ladies! - By the way, James Brolin? - I know.
I could only think of two names: Him and Ed Begley Jr.
Then I remembered he's gay, so - Ed Begley Jr.
Is not gay.
- Really? Thank you very much.
It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you: Mr.
And Mrs.
Chandler Bing! - Before we go, I got a present.
- I won't put my hand in your pocket.
No.
I've been taking dancing lessons.
I wanted this to be memorable.
That is so sweet! So will you join me in our first dance as husband and wife? - What is it? - These new shoes are all slippery.
- Will you be able to do this? - Not well.
Good news! I don't think anyone's looking.
- Are you ready to talk about it? - No.
Now? No! Okay, we'll talk about something else.
Who's the father? I haven't told him yet, so I don't think I should tell anybody else.
That's fair.
Is it Tag? I'm sorry, I'll stop.
Is it Ross? - Oh, my God, it's Joey! - Stop it.
I'm not telling you until I tell him.
At least we know it's a him.
- Oh, sweet Lord.
- I'm sorry, okay? It was either this or a bathrobe.
What's more important? My clothes, or being here today? I'm not even going to pretend to be listening.
I don't think we met.
I'm Ross, Monica's brother.
Hi, I'm Mona from her restaurant.
Hello, "Mona from her restaurant.
" - Mona.
What a beautiful name.
- I always kind of hated it.
Come on! Mona Lisa? Mona Klegglachen? The famous botanist.
She's Well, she's dead now.
But she was once the hottie of the plant world.
- I never knew about her.
- Linda Klegglachen So, what table are you at? Me too.
Good.
There will be someone who likes my name.
Yes, there will.
Guess what, Molly Gilbert.
You've just been bumped up to table one.
If it's all right with you, I'll take your place at table six.
Martin Klegglachen! That's better.
Bend your arms, look straight ahead.
This time, really put your ass into it.
Look, my date has arrived.
I want you to meet Dennis Phillips.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
Dennis is a dear old friend.
And a fantastic lover.
Bravo, Dennis, thanks for pleasing my mother so.
I missed the ceremony because I was at auditions.
Dennis is directing a Broadway show.
I don't believe we've met.
I've admired your work for years.
Thank you.
Excuse me, I'll get myself a drink.
I'll be back in a moment.
- Dennis Phillips! How did you meet? - It's a funny story.
Funny "ha-ha," or funny? Thank you.
If you'll take your seats, dinner will be served.
- I thought you were at table six.
- No.
Nine.
When you showed it to me, you held it that way which was misleading.
Hello.
Can you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? If I got a Broadway show, I would've done it all: Film, television and theater.
Not radio, but that's for ugly people.
- What size shoes do you wear? - Eleven.
My shoes are giving me a problem.
Can I borrow your boots? I don't know where I left them, so - Those aren't 11 s.
- Okay, fine, I'm a 7! All right, I have small feet.
But the rest of me is good! - I can't believe Phoebe's pregnant.
- Let's not talk about that now.
- This is so huge.
- Sure, but as big as your wedding? Of course not.
Nothing is.
In this day and age, how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant? Sometimes you can wear everything you're supposed to and one of those little guys just gets through.
- How? - I don't know, maybe they have tools.
She said she's definitely having the baby.
She's gonna raise it on her own.
Maybe that's really brave.
I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be.
Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that much.
There's a lot to think about.
How is she gonna handle it financially? Does she realize she's not gonna have a date for the next 18 years? - I don't know.
- Are you okay? I'm just thinking about poor, knocked-up Phoebe.
- Champagne? - Thank you very much.
That's how the French drink it.
Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin.
- Really? - And he is married to some singer.
But he said he'd leave her for me.
So I said, "Are you sure?" - And he said - Rachel's pregnant? What? - Why bother? - How do you feel? I don't know.
I have to make all these decisions that I don't want to make.
- Someone take this away from me! - Maybe you're not pregnant.
When I got pregnant, I took the test three times.
Yes.
Are you sure you peed on the stick right? How many ways are there? I'm just saying, don't freak out until you're sure.
I'll take it again at home.
You gotta take it now, as a present to me.
Okay.
Thank you.
- I'll run out and get you one.
- You're great.
Wait a minute.
Who's the father? - She won't tell us.
- Come on! It could be my present.
- I just gave you peeing on a stick.
- This is why you register.
It was the chair again.
I'm not doing it! It was Look, I don't.
You know what? - Would you like to dance? - Sure.
- Dr.
Geller? - I wasn't farting! A little game from our table.
Dr.
Geller, will you dance with me? Maybe later.
I'm about to dance with this lady.
Unless this lady wouldn't mind letting you go first.
I'd be happy to.
You are very sweet.
Yes, I am.
In fact, let's try my special way.
You can dance on my feet.
Hop on.
Is the pretty lady looking? Keep dancing.
And the world will never know.
- Did you talk to Dennis? - I told him how talented you were.
- And about "Days of our Lives.
" - No, you don't tell him that! - He'll think I'm just a soap actor.
- But you're not! You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.
- Thank you.
- No, thank you, Miranda.
- Melinda.
- All right.
- How cute was that? - Were you watching? Can I go next? Of course you can.
Hop on.
But I get to hop on after her.
- I am so gonna score! - What? I like your bow.
I'd like to propose a toast to Monica and Chandler the greatest couple in the world, and my best friends.
When I first found out they were getting married, I was a little angry.
"Why, God? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over our memories together.
Happy memories.
And there were some sad memories.
I'm sorry.
And some scared memories.
And then I realized I'll always be their friend.
A friend who can speak in many dialects has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity.
To the happy couple.
- That was nice.
- Can we do it again? No, no.
- So is it my turn? - I'm next.
- Okay, you can dance with her first.
- Are you sure? - What's your name? - Gert.
That's pretty.
What are you doing, Gert? Dancing on your feet like the other girls.
Okay.
Hop on, Gert.
- Why aren't you moving your feet? - I'm trying.
You're not going fast enough.
Maybe I should stand on your feet! Did you happen to catch my toast? - Was that for my benefit? - There was something for everyone.
- I know you're casting for a show.
- I don't think you're right for it.
You're wrong.
Whatever it is, I can do it.
- Try me.
- It's an all-Chinese cast.
Can you be Chinese? - I'm not proud of this, but - No, please! - Want to go back to the dance floor? - Did it turn into sand? - Come on, you'll be fine.
- No, I won't.
Know why I took all those lessons? I didn't want you to be embarrassed to be seen with some clumsy idiot.
You could never embarrass me.
Okay, you could easily do that.
But it doesn't matter.
I married you.
So I'm gonna dance with my husband.
Just try not to move your feet at all.
There you go.
I'm gonna have you arrested.
You stole my moves.
- How much longer? - Thirty seconds.
Did I miss it? Rachel, I want you to know that if it's positive, we - I know.
- You do? Okay.
It's time.
No! - Go ahead, Rach.
- I can't look at it.
Somebody tell me.
It's negative.
- What? - It's negative.
Well, there you go.
That's really great, great news.
Because the whole not being ready, the financial aspects, all that This is just the way it was supposed to be.
Well then, great.
This is so stupid.
How can I be upset over something I never had? - It's negative? - No, it's positive.
- What? - It's not negative, it's positive.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, I lied before.
- Now you know how you really feel.
- That's a risky little game.
Are you really gonna do this? I'm gonna have a baby.
I'm gonna have a baby! - With who? - No, it's still not the time.
I just didn't see the fast song coming.
Don't try to talk.
We'll get you up to your room, soak your feet.
That's so sweet! There's so few genuinely nice guys out there.
I feel like I'm holding down the fort all alone.
- It's Joey, right? - Yeah.
Wait a minute! I'm the nice one! I danced with the kids all night.
How small are your feet?