Geordie Shore (2011) s08e01 Episode Script

Last time in Newcastle was amazing.
And then Marnie came in and messed everything up.
It's Marnie! Bitch.
She snapped the family in half.
She's a slut! Me and Gary ended up arguing over a girl.
The girls had a falling out.
Shut the fuck up! You little slut! It was World War Three.
Oh, shit! She goes or I fucking go! Boom! I ain't coming back.
I got me pulling crown back.
It was mint.
More comings and goings than a kebab shop in the Toon.
Vicky left, she won't be back.
Me and Charlotte fell out because her boyfriend was a prick.
I really wish things had gone differently.
God knows what's gonna happen this time.
The Geordies are back in the Toon.
Wicked! I'm back.
Did you miss me? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
This time around it's gonna be amazing.
We are doing what we do best.
Fuck me! Partying.
Tashing on.
Flirting.
Getting mortal.
Shagging.
Woo! It's gonna kick off.
I hate everyone.
Some things never change.
No, no! No! It's insane.
No! I can't fucking wait.
Shit's about to get real.
I'm a pineapple! I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
I'm a natural beauty, real boobs, real hair.
I'm gonna tear the place up.
I'd never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
Hardest graft I've ever done is me hair.
I'm colourful and full of mischief.
I'm fake, I'm flirty and I've got double Fs.
I'm gonna get everyone feisty.
Geordie Shore, why-aye! I'm back and I'm brunette and I've got a new party trick.
Are you excited? I'm nervous, just cos of how everything left last time.
Is Charlotte coming back? I don't know what the craic is, last time she left it was obviously because of Mitch.
Me and Charlotte argued for the first time over a boy and I felt like she left and deserted me for him.
I don't know if Vicky's gonna come back, I hope so.
Like, the only person who I'm gonna speak to Marnie.
Last time, me and Marnie ended up fighting like cat and dog.
She was the dog.
This time she's not any threat to me, I'm just going in to have fun.
New beginning, I'm gonna be nice, hopefully she'll be nice and we can get along like best friends.
- Oh.
- Hm.
Last time, Marnie blagged me head.
This time, the old Scotty T is back, come on! If a new girl walks in, after what happened with Marnie, I'll probs stay away.
Actually no, I'd still try and shag her.
Last time me and Gaz fell out over a bird, not happening again, he's me brother.
Gaz.
Aye, aye kid, how you doing? Aye, have you missed us, kid? Oh, what surprise, can you tell us? I love suprises but I hate them.
What the fuck's he done, like? Washed his cock for once? Last time around, I felt completely on me own.
I just hope this time it's different.
I hope that the girls just go easy on us this time.
Yeah.
Maybe I should just try and build bridges with them.
I'm hoping there's no new boy, that'll make it difficult.
If the only way of getting on with the girls is staying away from the boys, that's what I have to do.
I hope that I can be considered as part of the family and not an outsider.
I'm all packed and ready to get in that house and I've got a massive surprise.
So I get to the house and I cannot wait to see everyone.
Oh, my god.
And no-one's there.
I may as well get this party started, be rude not to.
I can't reach.
Yeah.
I go into the shag pad, I'm looking around.
Oh, this is cute.
Oh, whoa, whoa, oh, my God! And it's only a fucking water bed.
If I was having sex on this bed, I would have sea sickness.
Whoa, it's like I'm a surfer.
I'm about to walk into the house.
I'm feeling nervous but I'm so excited to see who's in there.
Hello? I walk in and there's no-one there and I walk into the shag pad and find Holly bouncing on a waterbed.
I'm so anxious about seeing Holly, cos last time in the house nothing got resolved, so I just don't know how it's gonna go.
Oh, my it's a waterbed.
Jump on it.
Jump on it.
Oh, my God.
Marnie's the next to arrive, seeing it's Marnie instead of Charlotte has just made all this fun disappear.
Do you want a drink? Yes, I'd love one.
The house is nice, innit? Yes, so nice.
Holly actually seems happy to see us.
Hopefully this'll be the end of our drama.
I'm staying away from boys.
Sing it to me, sister.
No, I said, I wanna have fun with the girls this time, that's gonna be priority this one.
Marnie staying away from the boys is like me saying I never suck cock.
The next in the door is Scott, he comes straight over and gives me this massive cuddle.
This is awkward.
Holly's got normal hair, makes a change from looking like a fucking rainbow.
So you two, what's going on? Friends, aren't we? Aye.
Friends? Aye, we are.
Last time, Marnie blagged me head and she pure snapped the Geordie Shore family in half.
Me and Scott ended really badly, I just hope that it's not gonna be awkward.
Me and bird dramas, Marnie can suck us off.
Woo! So I've got to the house, buzzing, and I can't wait to see their faces.
You all right? What's happening? I've got a little surprise.
Kate's the new housemate? Is he having a fucking laugh? What the hell? The last thing I wanna do is live with his girlfriend, who hates me.
Holly's face doesn't look too pleased that Kate's here, I thought all that was in the past.
Has anything changed? A fucking waterbed in there.
Waterbed? Shut up, man.
I couldn't be happier to see Kate, it's a totally different story for Holly and her face says it all.
Was it? Who wants to live with the girlfriend of the lad they used to get with? What are we gonna talk about, James's knob? So funny.
Haway, man.
Do you really think I'd let me girlfriend stay in that house? What's happening? How do you feel? Are you all right? Yeah, well We were only joking, she's not staying.
You're not staying? No.
It's all a massive lie.
Eh? What the hell? We were just doing it for a laugh.
Thank fuck for that.
Fucking hell James, your banter is lifting.
Come here, you.
Don't cry.
It's gonna be all right.
I know, hopefully I'll see you soon.
Yeah? I know it was all a joke about Kate coming in, but now I actually wish she could stay.
I spoke to Gaz when I was on me way, he was like, "I'm gonna come later on, I've got a surprise for youse.
" Scott telling us Gary's got a surprise.
Me and Holly have finally smoothed things out.
I hope it's not a boy who's gonna fuck our friendship up.
I'm shocked that there's no-one else here yet.
Where's Vicky and Charlotte? I don't know what's going on.
Where are Vicky and Charlotte? lasses take forever getting ready, this is taking the piss.
What about you and Marnie? I'm a mystery man, honestly, I'm literally like Holly is asking about Marnie because she wants to be on the other end of me pole.
If you get really pissed one night, horny I would never have sex with you ever again.
What you saying? I'm sassy as fuck now.
- What does that mean? - Sassy? Just because I got over my cock fright, doesn't mean I'm bucking everyone, I'm sassy now, halfway between a slut and classy.
Everyone got a drink? Yeah, yeah.
Right.
There's just the four of us here.
Gary's coming later, Charlotte's sucking Mitch off and I have no idea where Vicky is.
Cheers to the first night.
All that's left for us to do is go out and get mortal.
Oh! The Geordies are back in the Toon and there's nay place I'd rather be.
He used to do this.
Go on, lad! It's hard to get out! That's a lie, Scott, you've never squirted anything in my face before.
This is definitely gonna be a good night.
Holly's smashed, Marnie's all over the place.
Where the fuck's Gaz, the little hedgehog? James is practically married, Scott was a fanny last time, I am not taking any risks.
We need testosterone and I'm bringing my mate in.
Ready? Let's do this.
Yeah.
Rock up to where everyone is and I can't wait to show 'em the surprise.
Aye, aye.
Oh, my God.
Who the hell is that? James is practically married.
Scott was a fanny last time, I am not taking any risks.
We need some testosterone and I'm bringing my mate in.
My name's Aaron, I'm absolutely buzzing to get into Geordie Shore.
Gaz is one of me best mates, we share everything, even birds.
Me and Holly know each other pretty well, from the noises she made, she'll be the one with the biggest smile on her face.
Rock up to where everyone is and I can't wait to show 'em the surprise.
Aye, aye.
Oh, my God.
Who the hell is that? Aye, aye.
Nice to see you, my son.
Gaz has shown up with a surprise and it's his mate Aaron.
I recognise him.
We've already shagged.
Are you all right? Oh, God.
Yeah, I'm good.
Looking well.
It's nice to meet everyone and Holly's looking unreal.
So is the girl next to her.
All right.
Aaron is gorgeous.
He's got tattoos down his arms, tattoos on his neck.
Like a fucking colouring book.
Everyone seems pleased to see us, especially Holly.
Let's get my first night off with a bang.
Whenever a new person walks in, one thing to do, get 'em fucking hammered.
Welcome to Geordie Shore house.
Cheers for having us, let's go.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, he's hot.
He's really nice.
He's too hot.
Such a nice person and you know what? I've already shagged him.
Surprise, surprise, I find out Holly's already bedded him, typical.
Marnie's asking the size of his cock, obviously planning on going there later.
I can't remember when he put his balls in my mouth.
You tea bagged him? Ah! Yeah, I love a good old teabag.
I love a teabag.
Got a new lad, so it's time to hit House of Smith and show him how to party.
Let's get this party started.
This is unreal.
Tunes are pumping, drinks are flowing and everyone's proper friendly.
I reckon I could get used to this.
It's nice to see Aaron, clothed.
Me and Aaron are getting along great, but he's saying he wouldn't shag me again.
We all know that's not true.
Oh! You wish.
Plan was to pull Holly but Marnie's all over us, stroking me tats.
Looks like there's another option.
Aaron's on a bit of a craic with Marnie.
Fuck it, I'm putting me foot down, Marnie, come here.
Gary's daring us to neck on with him, what the fuck? I may as well.
What the fuck is going on? Gary and Marnie have just kissed.
It's something I've wanted to do for ages but finally I've done it.
Tick.
I was supposed to be staying away from boys.
What is Charlotte gonna say? Charlotte's not even here, no-one has a hold over me in this house any more.
I can do what I want and so can Marnie.
I've always known Gaz wanted to get into Marnie, but he is breaking lad code.
I can't wait for Charlotte to be single so I can craic the fuck on with her.
Whether it's my bed, the sink, the shower, or that waterbed, we're spooning.
Ready to craic on to Holly, Scott's on one side I'm on the other.
It's like fucking tug of war.
It must be the fact that Holly has got new hair and new tits.
I'm so confused because, on one side I've got Aaron who's all over me and on the other side I've got Scott who's all over me and I'm not used to all this male attention.
Holly is loving the attention.
She pretends she's not but she definitely is.
Look there.
Oh, sorry.
These boys are getting on my nerves, I just wanna get home.
Holly is having the best taxi ride of her life.
I hope when we get back home we end up moosing her.
We get back, there's no messing around, I'm getting Marnie straight in that shag pad to commence spooning.
I end up in the shag pad with Gary and I was supposed to being good and staying away from the boys.
Oh, yeah.
I go in to say goodnight to Scott and he tries to drag me into his bed.
No, you don't.
Scott can't have me whenever he wants.
I'm not there for the taking any more.
I didn't think I'd be fighting for Holly's attention.
Sat in bed and I hear somebody come in and it's Aaron.
And he's trying to get into my bed.
No! Fucking idiot, get out! We're kissing and next thing I know it's like Night-night.
All right, lads? Are you alright? Aye-aye, how's the fucking new lad, like? Are you all right? First night in the house was a success, got on with everyone but I drank far too much and I feel really hung-over.
I've woke up and I'm in the shag pad with Gary.
Shit.
It barely touched the opening and that is not classed as sex.
Morning.
I go see Holly because I fancy a little snuggle.
Move over.
I feel like shit.
I feel really rough.
How do you feel? I feel good that like everyone was sound as fuck but I feel rough.
It's Aaron's first morning, he might have fitted in really well, that doesn't mean to say he can get in my bed.
What about you last night then? What do you mean me? Mrs Popular.
Last night was a nightmare.
Scott on one side, Aaron on the other, they need to realise, they can't get sassy Holly that easily.
I need some more girls in here because I just can't deal with it.
I'm upset that Vicky and Charlotte aren't here.
I don't know when they're coming, they need to hurry the fuck up.
Coming for breakfast? No.
Yes, give us a kiss.
I don't wanna come with you.
Come on.
Oh.
Scott's cooking breakfast, but not a chance I'm eating that, looks like he's had a morning turd on me plate.
Everyone does say, we'll eat healthy, do this, do that and it just goes out the window.
I think this time we should set a goal, we should do a fitness challenge.
It's definitely not my thing.
James is telling us that we've got to have a goal.
All I wanna do is shove a big sausage in my face.
What I'm thinking is a long assault course with massive obstacles and fire and tunnels and shit.
If we're gonna do this and be serious, we better get to the gym.
You ready? Youse coming? No.
No? We'll start tomorrow.
Not right now.
Me and the lads are off to the gym to kill two birds with one stone.
Get fit for the fitness challenge and get fucking massive.
James's face last night was amazing.
The last people he expected to see kissing was me and Marnie.
First night and all.
I was pissed, just neckin' on her.
So what do you reckon's gonna happen? Right.
Me and Marnie know each other, she understands what I'm like.
We do not want it to get complicated.
Could be landing yourself in some trouble, like.
What the fuck happened last night? I don't know, he was like a friend to us.
Yous were neckin' on.
Just neckin' on.
Marnie needs to be careful, Gary's made out of stone, we all know that girls aren't.
It's nothing like what it was like with Charlotte.
Yeah, no, God no.
No.
You wouldn't want it.
No.
I know that people in the house think it's gonna get dramatic with me and Gary, but it isn't like that with us.
Who's that? Oh, my God, is it Charlotte? Oh! It's Anna, what is she gonna have us doing? More tanned every time.
Looks like a fucking Satsuma.
I hope everybody's making Aaron feel welcome, are we? Yes.
Good.
Considering you're completely crap at everything else, we've decided to stick to what you're good at and what you know.
What's that? It's Geordie Tours.
It's just a limo bus, hen parties and showing people how to party, one thing we know how to do.
I want working tonight, Scott, Aaron and Holly.
I've gotta go to work with people who were playing tug of war with me.
No neckin' on at all with the clients.
No neckin' on.
I don't even know why Anna even bothers any more.
Of course I'm gonna be neckin' on.
And behave.
OK? All right.
I can't believe my job is taking people on a bar crawl and getting them pissed, this is unreal.
But most importantly, we have a birthday boy in the room.
Yes.
So, I've decided you can have a party tomorrow night.
Tomorrow? Tomorrow? Yes.
Oh, my God! I'm buzzing I get to have a party with all my Geordie Shore mates.
Thanks, Anna.
Cheerio.
Bye.
I've got a really good idea for a fancy dress theme.
Pimps and whores.
Girls wearing next to nothing and lads dressed as pimps, perfect.
Holly's right, it would be a wicked idea.
Definitely million percent pimps and whores.
I know.
It should be good.
Welcome to Geordie Shore, kid.
Let's fucking do it.
Me and Aaron have got work tonight and what better place for pre-drinks than the Jacuzzi.
Thing is with Holly right, she fuckin' loves attention.
She got plenty last night.
Kind of embarrassing.
"Holly!" That's not gonna happen tonight.
Seeing as Holly's playing hard to get, me and Scott are gonna have fun and pull some birds.
Can't wait.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sound.
Aaron needs to realise you're not gonna come and steal the throne, there's only one seat and that's for fucking me.
So I'm leaving for work and I can't believe I've gotta go with these two idiots.
Tonight is me first night at work, I just hope I do Anna proud.
What better way to get the party started than start playing pass the ice cube? I'm neckin' on with birds left, right and centre, girls neckin' on with girls and Holly doesn't look impressed.
Only three birds on the bar crawl but there's a fit blondie, my name written all over her.
Yeah, heh, hey! Me job is to take people on a bar crawl, neckin' on with birds and get pissed.
I'm buzzing that I'm not at work and me, Marnie and James can just go out and party.
Cheers, guys.
It's time to get out, get mortal and hit Florita's.
I need to talk to Gary, work out where his head's at, so I can work out where mine is.
I thought me and Marnie were just a bit of fun.
Why are we even having this conversation? All I want is sex with no strings attached.
Is that too much to ask? We moved on to the next bar and I'm shuffling round on the dance floor like a divvy.
Boys, what the fuck are youse doing? Me and Aaron are pulling birds, but it looks like his bird is after a slice of me as well.
Work was absolutely class, now it's onto the club to see the rest of the crew.
Ce-man.
I get to Florita's and I'm so pleased to see the others.
I can't be with these two buffoons by myself any more.
Last time, me and Scott were on and off.
We haven't spoke and we need to clear the air.
I'm trying to explain that I didn't put out because I thought we could have went somewhere.
I'm the one for the long run.
She's gonna have to run canne far now cos she's got ne chance.
Dafty.
The birds me and Aaron were pulling on the bar crawl just rocked up.
If all goes well, I'm gonna be bada bada balls deep in the kid.
Fucking hell, they need to get a room.
Me and Gary are speaking about where we're gonna sleep.
I've got good intentions and I should really sleep in me own bed.
I'm going home with Marnie.
I never thought that this would happen with me and Gary, but Charlotte's practically engaged, who knows what can happen.
I'm hungry as fuck.
Aaron cleans for food.
Didn't take Gary long to get me in that shag pad.
This ain't looking good.
Marnie is a crafty little bastard.
Telling me she still likes us then going to bed with Gary.
I hope he doesn't get his head messed up.
Marnie must know by now, when I say I'm gonna cuddle you, I might as well say I'll bang you all over.
Cuddling doesn't exist on the waterbed.
I've woke up in the shag pad again, only this time things went further with Gary.
I have no idea what I'm gonna do.
So, how do you feel about Marnie? Would ya? Aaron's asking me if I'm bothered about Gaz and Marnie.
Jog on, mate, the kid can craic on.
I hate waking up in this room without Charlotte.
Morning.
Morning.
I go and see Holly and she seems down and upset.
It's just hard because like, me and Marnie are all right now, but it's still not the same when I wake up every morning alone.
I'm used to the girls being there and it's just fuckin' horrible.
Gary's trying to quiz us about Scott, but we both know the situation with us, so why does he even care? That's nice.
Me and Marnie are both fair game.
I can pull who I want, she can pull who she wants.
I'm really, really missing Charlotte, I don't know when she'll come back.
I need to throw positive vibes out to the universe.
The law of attraction basically means, if you think about something and believe you already have something, it will accumulate, you will have it.
We need to get something to attract Charlotte back to the house.
Holly's telling me, if she thinks positive, Charlotte will return.
Is she mental? I'm thinking a pet.
This is going to work, it's going to get Charlotte back.
Hi, are you all right? I'm fine, how's you? Good.
How you doing? We wanna get some more pets.
There's plenty for you to look at.
There's so many animals here.
Hello, buddy.
And I wanna take them all home.
All right, mate? What's going on? There's rabbits, there's lizards, there's birds, fish.
You wanna have a look at tortoises? Oh, my God! We're gonna get tortoises! I mean, he's going a bit slow.
Cos it's a turtle, you divvy.
Can we take its shell off? What? You can't take his shell off.
No.
Holly's decided to get a tortoise, but where's it gonna swim, the hot tub? I feel really, really good about this and I think it's definitely, gonna bring Charlotte back.
We'll see.
I hope that getting this pet, even though it's shit, will bring Charlotte back, I can tell she really misses her.
We can't wait to show everyone back at the house our new family.
Hiya.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.
We got turtles tortoises.
Fuck off.
Why the fuck would anyone want pet tortoises? It's not like you can take it for a walk.
They're fucking ugly, like.
Do they poo? Yeah.
Holly reckons if she gets an animal, it'll draw Charlotte back.
No, I don't reckon, I know.
I don't want Charlotte here.
Fuck off, tortoises.
Tonight's the ultimate test for Gaz and Marnie.
If they don't pull anyone else, it means it must be getting serious.
If the lads want me to prove I'm not loved up with Marnie and I can go to bed by meself, then I will.
It's the house party tonight and Gaz's birthday.
The lads are dressed up as pimps, apart from Scott, who's decided to get dressed up as a Spice Girl.
It's my birthday and this is my party, I can't wait for this room to fill up with fit birds.
Me first Geordie Shore house party, they're legendary in Newcastle.
I can't wait.
Loads of people are here, everyone's dressed up, all me mates are here.
Happy birthday, me.
Gonna be the best Geordie Shore house party ever.
Yeah.
Buzzing the little blondie's just turned up.
Looks like I'm in for a good night.
So I'm upstairs talking to me friend and it feels such a relief to be able to tell her about Gary.
I couldn't help it, it's like it had to happen.
It didn't happen very long.
Was it good? Yeah.
I think it maybe is the width of that and the length.
It's so big, it's like the Loch Ness Monster.
It maybe could even be bigger.
The party's in full swing and it's time to announce Gary's birthday surprise and he's not gonna know what's hit him.
Gaz's birthday surprise is here and she's a fat old stripper.
It looks like he's in for a right treat.
Yeah, well what I'm thinking is, if she's giving me a lap dance, fuck.
Four, five, six, seven.
Gary's looking on in horrification, he's absolutely furious.
She's got Gary in all these positions.
She's got her tits in his face, she's groping him and to be honest, I'm getting a little bit jealous.
That was horrific.
I said I wanted to pull someone else tonight but that is not what I had in mind.
Yeah, I'll come back in two seconds.
Aaron has completely ignored this girl, so it looks like I'm gonna have to sort her out as well.
Are you all right? Yeah, you? Oh, you dropped your pimp stick.
I'm checking the new boy is enjoying his first Geordie Shore house party.
Love it.
Love it? Everyone's sound, everyone's dressed up, especially her that was there last night, the little blondie.
She's only turned up.
Oh, I know, I know.
Hello darling, where you going? I know, she's nice.
Yeah, she's like a nice girl.
The fit blonde's here.
If Holly's not interested, she definitely is.
So you're over me now? Well nearly.
Nearly? Nearly.
Holly's asking if I'm over her.
Ice queen is starting to melt.
The thing is though, nearly means two more drinks, probably not.
Probably not? Probably not.
Aaron is actually a really nice lad and who knows, if he plays his cards right, he might get to spoon me tonight.
So Scotty T's nicked my bird.
Fuckin' greedy prick.
It's not my fault the girls choose Scotty T every time.
Gary hasn't actually pulled anyone except Marnie yet.
What the fuck is going on? If he shags her again tonight, that's basically love.
Treating these birds to a Scotty T sandwich.
I hope they're fucking carnivores, I've got a pterodactyl in me kegs.
Marnie's now sprawled across us, it's like a lion protecting her prey against other lions.
Why haven't you pulled? It's cos of me, don't lie.
I've got standards, Gary.
Surprise, surprise, Marnie says there's no fit lads there.
That's Marnie saying "I wanna be with you.
" Really? Gary's telling us he couldn't find anyone fitter than me, it's obviously gonna make us feel good.
First Geordie Shore house party, absolutely unreal, best night I've had in the house so far.
Mint.
Aaron tried for ages to get me into bed and he finally gets in my bed and doesn't even try anything.
Maybe he's just a gentleman.
Gaz is one of me best mates, so I'm gonna tell him what Marnie said.
She can't bang him one minute then say that to me the next.
If she liked you she would have shagged you last time after six weeks.
Mate, I know.
Well, then you need to ask her this though.
He doesn't seem to get the point that Marnie didn't shag me cos she really likes us.
Don't let this come between you and me.
Gaz needs to realise I've got his back and I don't want Marnie to come between me and him again.
Gary's just said we need to talk immediately.
I'm gutted at the fact that Marnie's actually gone out of her way to tell Scott this.
Why? Scott falls in love and you don't do that, not you.
Am I wrong? Gary looks proper devastated, I thought there was no strings, so why does he care? You never like any girl.
Look at the way like you tret Charlotte.
Oh, phew! Wow.
Marnie has now dropped the C bomb, she's brought Charlotte into it.
Me and Marnie are totally different to what me and Charlotte had.
It was a total different situation.
How like? I didn't say that, I didn't say that.
I didn't say that! There was no point in this conversation with me and Gary, it was a total waste of time, even if I did say that to Scott, he shouldn't care.
This would be different if you were different, it would, but you're not, you're Gary.
Me and Marnie were meant to be a bit of fun.
This is too deep already.
I'm back and I can't wait to see that bunch of helmets.
Have you missed me? Oh my, God, it's Vicky.
If he did go against that lad code, I would fall out with him.
Gary just needs to get over himself and stop being jealous.
We're double teaming Gary and he's screaming like a fuckin' baby.
Oh my god, no, no, no.
Next thing I know, tops are off, we're fucking face to face.
I knew shit like this would happen.