Portlandia (2011) s08e01 Episode Script
Riot Spray
1 - Feels good now, huh? - Yeah.
- It's cooling off.
- Perfect.
Ooh, what's this? - "For sale.
" - For sale? - Huh.
- It's gorgeous.
Michelle, we've always talked about adventuring out in nature, you know, and camping and getting away from it all.
I mean, that's how people should live.
- Yeah.
- Right? We're just free.
I like it.
- Van life - Van life! Oh, there's so much room.
- Hey! - Hey, oh! - Whoo! - [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, I wanna chase light.
- Oh.
- Walk around without a shirt.
Bathe ourselves in the river.
Just wash each other's hair.
[GENTLE UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[HORN HONKS.]
What do you think? Should we? [FILM CAMERA ROLLING.]
- Are you peeing? - What? Can you move further from the van? - [ZIPPER ZIPS.]
- I mean, Ollie doesn't start preschool for another couple years.
We have the time.
[RAIN POURING, THUNDER CRACKS.]
You know, if we continue living in here we can educate him.
- I just eh - no more talking I think.
[UNEASY BROODING MUSIC.]
Do you wanna make love in the front seat? What? I'm hungry.
All right, well, I got dinner from the gas station.
I'm tired of eating out of gas stations.
I have terrible diarrhea! - I'm going with this guy.
- What? You don't even know him.
- [HORN HONKS.]
- Bye, Brendan! [MUTTERING.]
sugar.
Oh, sucrose levels You know, Brendan, I'll be honest, if we're gonna make a big lifestyle change, let's just get a new condo where everything's really clean and sterile.
Ooh, condos.
[GENTLE UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[WASHED OUT'S "FEEL IT ALL AROUND" PLAYING.]
[DREAMY CHILLWAVE MUSIC.]
Corporate lobbyists are descending on Washington Are you hearing this right now? These politicians are like puppets.
They're, like, in the pockets of corporations and lobbyists.
- Every last one of 'em.
- I know.
- It's lots of greed.
- I mean, we've gotta say something to the government.
Mm-hmm.
You know, we should really move to Canada.
Spyke, no one moves to Canada.
People say they're gonna move to Canada and they don't.
Plus, isn't that kinda like giving up a little bit? Yeah, I guess you're right.
You know what I think? I think it's time for the reawakening of Riot Spray.
- Your band? - You know, think about it.
I refuse! I refuse that.
And the government's gonna be like, "What's this noise? "Ahh! Who is that? It's Riot Spray!" Mm! [GUITAR FEEDBACK.]
BOTH: Hey! - All right.
- Dude.
- What's going on, man? - Wow.
- Oh, my God.
"Lobotomy patients for Reagan" [LAUGHS.]
- And his eyes are X'd out.
- Ah! - They were brainless.
- Check out this old sticker.
- [LAUGHS.]
- "I love the Dallas Cowboys.
" I'm gonna go to the Super Bowl and have a beer.
You know what's changed in the Super Bowl? Like, in the last ten years or so, the halftime show is, like, really watchable.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's kind of unbelievable what they get done.
Did you see Bruno Mars? Bruno Mars, that's that's what I'm talking about.
- He's incredible.
- Bruno Mars? - The pop star? - He can really play drums.
He does it all, right? So I was thinking we do a protest show.
I think we start with "I Refuse.
" It's our biggest song.
I sang it really angry, like, back in the day.
Now, I just think a different approach But you complain that you can't see - See - No.
[NASALLY.]
But you complain that you can't see Bruno Mars would take off at that point.
He would go, like complain that you can't see Bruno Mars is not in this band.
The point he's making is just, like, we're all better musicians now, right? Yeah, whatever musicians however good we are doesn't matter.
What matters is getting our message to the government.
We are a spray of riot.
ALL: Riot Spray.
- Yeah.
- Let's do this.
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC.]
You wear a blindfold but complain that you can't see Ha-ha-ha-ha You pin the tail on the donkey Well, the tail gets pinned on me I refuse to get in line I refuse To commit your crimes I wanna cut in front of you And stop your lies From coming through I refuse BOTH: Yeah! That sounded great.
Do you have some tea? Like a slippery elm? Anything herbal.
Sure.
Uh, in the meantime, let's get out there and we'll just hit them with volume.
Guess what? It's Riot Spray.
[UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
This morning, just before 8:40 a.
m.
, police responded to a distress call at 101 Northeast Second Street.
Officers entered the apartment and found the body of a man in his mid-40s, with stab wounds to his chest and neck.
The air is humid in Portland, Oregon.
There's an inescapable closeness that feels almost oppressive.
I close my eyes and try to imagine growing up in a place like this, living with the feeling that I'll never be able to leave.
Hicks, you want me to get rid of these guys? This is a close briefing.
There's no press.
Uh, no, they're good.
Uh, we had the option between body cameras and podcasters.
I went with the podcasters.
My kids love 'em.
- I'm Darren Blum.
- [BANJO PLAYING.]
And I'm Dana Bloom.
- And this is "Forgotten America: Rural Footprints.
" Pretty good little tune, right there.
It's only been three hours since the body was discovered.
But already this case is being badly bungled.
It's important to remember that many of these cops are poor, uneducated and bad at their jobs.
There's an old saying in this part of the country.
IT GOES LIKE THIS: "I can't read.
" Sheriff Hicks was visibly upset.
You would be too if you had a dead homosexual on your hands.
Nobody said anything about the victim being gay.
Oh, well, did he wear women's clothing? No.
Uh, did he collect old padlocks? - No.
- Did he bury treasure? Did he [SOUTHERN ACCENT.]
"talk like this"? I'm pretty sure that he didn't.
And it was the first clue we had that the story we were telling - was actually interesting.
- [ACCORDION PLAYING.]
You wait until the sentence is done before you start playing music.
[PLAYING EERIE FOLK MUSIC LIGHTLY.]
Uh, sir? Can you make your phone ring? - You want me to call my phone? - Yeah.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- There you go.
It's okay okay Uh, the phones are ringing, but no one was answering.
Could it be that we were the only ones interested in solving the case? This is enough.
You guys Support for "Forgotten America: Rural Footprints" comes from Blue Apron.
Blue Apron delivers farm fresh and perfectly portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes so you can make incredible meals at home.
Go to blueapron.
com to find out more.
His eyes look haggard and wrinkled.
They look like paper bags that have been crinkled up and thrown down on the ground and people stepped on them.
Hicks, we found some old spoons and painted dolls at the crime scene.
It's obviously these two that put it there.
You guys know that tampering with an investigation is very illegal, right? [CELL DOOR CLANKS.]
Hey.
All right.
What is this? Well, as a matter of fact, is there any room in the DNA fridge? [PLAYING EERIE FOLK MUSIC.]
I still like that song.
Now, are you guys ready to confront the city? - Yeah.
- Okay.
Where are we gonna play? - City Hall? - I think Pioneer Square, - someplace public.
- Oh, Pioneer Square.
You really wanna do it so that, like, everyone is affected immediately.
- Yeah.
- Bring the noise.
We are Riot Spray! ALL: Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi! Riot Spray! Wah! - All right? - BOTH: Yeah.
You guys wanna ride with me? Carpool? I got racquetball at 8:00, so I'm just gonna And I gotta pick up Mable now; she's got swimming class.
- I need my space.
- Uh, all right.
So we'll all meet there.
You guys ready? - Ready.
- Riot Spray! [ROUSING PUNK MUSIC.]
[HORNS CHIRPING.]
Yeah! Teach this city how to think.
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC.]
- Yeah! Deal with the Spray.
- All right.
- You guys there? - Yeah, I'm right here.
- I'm here.
- Roger that.
I hear you fine.
Now remember, if the cops try to shut us down, - keep playing.
- [PUNK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
- We have a message.
- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
You're not gonna take the 405? - I like the Broadway Bridge.
- [SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING.]
I say Hawthorne or Burnside.
I just don't want us to get separated.
Riot Spray! [HORN HONKS.]
I refuse! What am I refusing again? Complacency, conformity.
When I was younger, I didn't like anything, and now I like a lot of stuff.
Can we swing by the REI on our way? Oh, man, I love REI.
Guys, no pulling over.
Oh, you guys are killing me.
Hey, Ethel, hey.
Thanks for the hydrangea advice.
Yeah, I changed the pH in the soil and the color popped.
Why are you talking to that lady? [PUNK ROCK MUSIC.]
You guys, we could've taken one car, the way we used to do it.
Hey, we're trying to find where we are.
I know where we are.
There's Pioneer Square, right there.
Have you ever eaten at Snarky's? Uh, you guys! Do we wanna play or do we not wanna play? Hey, guys, why don't we just play right there? - Look at that.
- Where? In the parking lot? Why don't we just go back to our original plan? If we just keep going, see, we can play, like, where there's more of a public.
And if I lead the way, if I'm driving first - Whoa! - Right? Then, you guys can all follow.
We park, we unload, boom.
- No way.
- We play our songs right away.
- This is incredible.
- I know.
Look at this.
[LAUGHTER.]
You're being such a poser right now! - Oh, bro - I'm a poser? - No, dude, you're a poser.
- Spyke? Come here! Check this out.
- Guys.
- He's gonna love these.
What are you doing? You've just stopped everything.
Is this up for sale? Or you just - just you have to look at it.
- [CELL PHONE RINGING.]
I gotta get this.
It's my deck guy.
What are you do you even wanna do this, Brendan? - Hey, Mark.
- We had a mission.
Right? To get the city off its ass.
And the city has just won.
- Hold on, Mark.
- They're winning by us doing nothing.
You're what are we looking at? Compasses? I mean, forget it.
Just forget the whole thing.
I counted on you guys.
Huh? [SIGHS.]
- Where you going? - I'm going to Canada.
It's where I should've gone in the first place, where I belong.
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC BROODS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Well, I know what we should do.
Let's have a long lunch.
- Snarky's anyone? - I'm in.
ALL: Oi! [GENTLE MUSIC.]
Here it is.
Same as always.
[SIGHS.]
Can't believe I've never met your family before.
Well, I can't believe they arranged this dinner for Neena at the country house.
I mean, we live in the city.
Make it easy.
- Oh.
The old summer house.
- Oh.
Make yourself at home.
My Great Who-Papa bought the property from the county buffoon in the 1930s.
Built this cabin with his own two hands.
He used molten peanut butter as cement.
Was that common in the 1930s? [SIGHS.]
Well, I think they were just copying "Popeye" cartoons back then.
You know, food is solution.
They were so stupid back then.
[HOOFBEATS, NEIGHING IN DISTANCE.]
What's that? Oh, they're just wild horses.
There's a lot of them up here, you know, - kind of untamed.
- That's so beautiful.
Beautiful? I never thought of it that way.
- Such a city girl.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Wes! - Candie.
This is Wesley, our caretaker.
Sorry to leave the gate open.
I was trying to back the truck up.
[LAUGHS.]
That's okay.
This is Toni.
Pleased to be of acquaintance.
Yeah, the house is beautiful.
- You've kept it so lovely.
- Thank you.
[HOOFBEATS RUMBLING, HORSES NEIGHING.]
[BROODING WESTERN MUSIC.]
Damn horses.
- They're getting worse? - They are! These new horse hunting laws have made for a boom in the baby foals.
I tried to swat 'em out, but they just run too fast.
Well, what about Animal Control? County can't afford it.
God damn it.
God damn this whole county.
[SIGHS.]
You hungry, sweetie? You wanna eat? - Are you talking to me? - Mm-hmm.
Go fix you somethin'? - S-sure.
- You hungry? Well, hell yes.
[SILVERWARE CLINKING.]
Mmm, damn fine meat.
How long has Wes been in your life? - Oh, Wes, since I was a kid.
- You were a little 'un.
Taught me how to memorize numbers.
You know, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
[MUMBLING.]
Hundreds, and then up to, you know, 1,000, 2,000, 2,000.
Wow, you still have them memorized.
Well, you know, numbers are real important out here in the countryside, you know? Farming is all numbers.
The moisture of the soil, the pH, the NPK, nitrogen, potash, phosphorus.
- You remember all that? - Of course I do.
What a bright young girl.
Remember when you survived a weekend in the woods? I did.
I-I used a pinecone - as a toothbrush.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, there's water in trees.
Yes, ma'am, there is.
Better water than they have in the store, anyway.
- 10 times as good.
- 20 times as good.
Nice pine taste.
Well, it's just a different world up here.
- It sure is.
- Yes, ma'am.
[HOOFBEATS RUMBLING, NEIGHING.]
Mm.
Here we go.
It's those horses.
I'm sorry, Toni.
Shoo! Get out! Get! Get lost! Y'all get now.
Getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha! Gee-yat! - Get out! - Shoo, now! - Shoo! - You hear me, now? You go! - [SIGHS.]
- So many adventures out here.
Candie, I'm sorry I missed 'em.
My God, I've tried to run 'em off, but there must be hundreds of 'em.
Now, it's not your fault.
We need to build a horse pit.
[ROUSING WESTERN MUSIC.]
A-a horse pit? - She's a city girl.
- City girl.
It's a pit you dig about 15 foot deep and the horses fall into it like a trap.
And you put the heavy stones on top.
- Those poor horses.
- Poor horses? - Are you kidding me? - Those poor horses? They're vermin! They carry disease, Toni.
Here's what their purpose is, right here.
You know what that is? That's horse meat.
That's all they're good for.
Like, I'm so sorry.
I didn't I I I meant no offense.
- I meant no harm.
- It's okay, Toni.
I understand.
We we just get - She just didn't know.
- She just didn't know.
I think they're fixing that road up.
Better school her ass, though.
[RATTLESNAKE RATTLES.]
[HORSE SNORTING.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
- [HORSE GRUNTS.]
- [GASPS.]
Ah! - That's what I do.
- [PANTING.]
What happened? I-I saw a horse up close.
It was just so dead behind the eyes, no emotion.
- Toni - [HOOFBEATS, NEIGHING.]
- Get! - They're coming from that way.
Get out of here, shoo! Candie.
Go! [RIFLE COCKS.]
Get lost! [PISTOL COCKS.]
[GUNSHOTS.]
Yeah.
Ah.
Get! I think they're gone.
Let's get some sleep.
[DRAMATIC WESTERN STING.]
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry about all this, Toni.
Must be quite a culture shock.
[SIGHS.]
I mean, what did you do here as a kid? It just seems so idyllic.
We had this game; it was called "throw the large stone.
" So silly, we'd throw these big rocks at each other's heads and our faces would get all calloused up and Our arms got really built, though.
[GENTLE WESTERN MUSIC.]
What about you? Didn't you have a little summer house somewhere? [SIGHS.]
I wouldn't exactly call it a house.
Uh, we had a hut right on the ocean.
Too close to the water, actually.
- And it'd flood half the day.
- Oh.
Ah, the waves were really loud, salt water all around us.
Wow.
Well, I think we should turn in, get some shut-eye.
Sun'll be up first thing in the morning.
[PLEASANT MUSIC.]
Well, hey, there, Candie.
[WAVES CRASHING.]
[NEIGHING.]
[HOOFBEATS RUMBLING.]
- Candace.
- I know, I hear it.
They're on the [BLEEP.]
roof.
[BLEEP.]
you! Ah! [BLEEP.]
you! [BLEEP.]
off! [NEIGHING, TUMBLING.]
I'll pick up the body in the morning.
Throw it out into the trees.
Stupid [BLEEP.]
animals.
[ROOSTER CROWING.]
What is this? It looks so good.
Well, we've got some morning bread, some wheat puffs and, um, horse bacon.
Any, uh, word from your family? Oh, I'll just check.
- Oh, you're kidding me.
- What? Well, it's from my brother.
"I've got Neena with me.
"We were on our way up, but we're not gonna be able to make it, and we'll do it another time.
" I mean, tell me before I come all the way up here.
It's so inconsiderate.
[PHONE KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
"It's fine.
" [TEXT MESSAGE WHOOSH.]
What do you wanna do? Do you do you wanna just go back? I mean, I supposed we could.
We could take the scenic route back.
Sounds nice.
Well, we only have to take the main road down the first mile or so Oh, no! My God! What have they done? They stomped on everything like a God damn [BLEEP.]
tornado.
Oh! Damned horses.
You headin' back? Yeah, well, the family ain't gonna turn up.
They canceled last minute, so we're gonna head on home.
I'll have this all cleaned up by the time y'all come back.
I thank you, Wesley.
You're an angel from heaven above.
- Oh, God.
- [HORSE SNORTS.]
[DRAMATIC WESTERN MUSIC.]
Shoo! Shoo.
Uh, we we just wanna get to our car.
You think that just because you make all that noise you run this place? That you run this county? You don't! This is our land.
We built this cabin.
I'd like to see you sign a deed.
They'd laugh right at you at the real estate office.
Why don't we just walk home? There's a path up to the road over here.
Okay.
- We'll be back.
- [HORSE SNORTS.]
- Hurry back, now.
- [RIFLE COCKS.]
[UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
Welcome to Canada Immigration.
Please wait until your number is called.
How long do I have to wait? [TENSE MUSIC.]
I've been waiting a long time.
I I haven't done anything wrong.
I'm just trying to get over the border, sir.
Sounds like you got a lot of anger.
Yes, I do.
Well, why are you angry? Because America is run by corporations, all right? - Mm-hmm.
- It's a fascist-ocracy.
I don't wanna talk about America.
I wanna talk about you.
Look, are you angry at me, the system, or are you angry at yourself? I am angry at my friends.
Okay, they turned old in a way that we were against, originally.
They're into their houses and their decks and their cars and I mean, we wanted to smash the system.
Are you angry at your friends for changing? Or are you angry at yourself for staying the same? I didn't change because I am right and they're wrong.
You are here with me.
They stuck it out.
I mean, what does that say about you? Well, it says that nobody is listening.
I'm listening.
I-I mean, I guess you are.
- I just hate - What do you hate? Okay, I'll I'll tell you what I hate.
First of all, I hate my government.
- I hate them.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
- I hate my family.
- Keep going! What do you hate, Spyke? I-I hate myself, okay? You hate yourself? Come here.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
Buddy, how are you gonna stop being angry at your country when you can't stop being angry at yourself? I don't wanna stop hating my country.
- You know, it's a - Well, then, be angry then! But do it where people can see you.
Go back to Portland.
[SIGHS.]
Why am I crying? Oh.
Because you're a special miracle.
Canada doesn't need any miracles like you.
Wow.
Look, here's your ID.
Go back to your friends, and you show 'em.
You go back to America.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
Good job with that one.
The self-help speech works every time.
[SIGHS.]
Unbelievable.
They just keep sending 'em.
I gotta get to work.
I'll see you in a minute.
Riot Spray! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Get ready for Riot Spray.
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC.]
Yeah! You wear a blindfold but complain that you can't see When you pin the tail on the donkey Or does the tail get pinned on me? I refuse to get in line I refuse [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Riot Spray! - Riot Spray! - We're back!
- It's cooling off.
- Perfect.
Ooh, what's this? - "For sale.
" - For sale? - Huh.
- It's gorgeous.
Michelle, we've always talked about adventuring out in nature, you know, and camping and getting away from it all.
I mean, that's how people should live.
- Yeah.
- Right? We're just free.
I like it.
- Van life - Van life! Oh, there's so much room.
- Hey! - Hey, oh! - Whoo! - [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, I wanna chase light.
- Oh.
- Walk around without a shirt.
Bathe ourselves in the river.
Just wash each other's hair.
[GENTLE UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[HORN HONKS.]
What do you think? Should we? [FILM CAMERA ROLLING.]
- Are you peeing? - What? Can you move further from the van? - [ZIPPER ZIPS.]
- I mean, Ollie doesn't start preschool for another couple years.
We have the time.
[RAIN POURING, THUNDER CRACKS.]
You know, if we continue living in here we can educate him.
- I just eh - no more talking I think.
[UNEASY BROODING MUSIC.]
Do you wanna make love in the front seat? What? I'm hungry.
All right, well, I got dinner from the gas station.
I'm tired of eating out of gas stations.
I have terrible diarrhea! - I'm going with this guy.
- What? You don't even know him.
- [HORN HONKS.]
- Bye, Brendan! [MUTTERING.]
sugar.
Oh, sucrose levels You know, Brendan, I'll be honest, if we're gonna make a big lifestyle change, let's just get a new condo where everything's really clean and sterile.
Ooh, condos.
[GENTLE UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[WASHED OUT'S "FEEL IT ALL AROUND" PLAYING.]
[DREAMY CHILLWAVE MUSIC.]
Corporate lobbyists are descending on Washington Are you hearing this right now? These politicians are like puppets.
They're, like, in the pockets of corporations and lobbyists.
- Every last one of 'em.
- I know.
- It's lots of greed.
- I mean, we've gotta say something to the government.
Mm-hmm.
You know, we should really move to Canada.
Spyke, no one moves to Canada.
People say they're gonna move to Canada and they don't.
Plus, isn't that kinda like giving up a little bit? Yeah, I guess you're right.
You know what I think? I think it's time for the reawakening of Riot Spray.
- Your band? - You know, think about it.
I refuse! I refuse that.
And the government's gonna be like, "What's this noise? "Ahh! Who is that? It's Riot Spray!" Mm! [GUITAR FEEDBACK.]
BOTH: Hey! - All right.
- Dude.
- What's going on, man? - Wow.
- Oh, my God.
"Lobotomy patients for Reagan" [LAUGHS.]
- And his eyes are X'd out.
- Ah! - They were brainless.
- Check out this old sticker.
- [LAUGHS.]
- "I love the Dallas Cowboys.
" I'm gonna go to the Super Bowl and have a beer.
You know what's changed in the Super Bowl? Like, in the last ten years or so, the halftime show is, like, really watchable.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's kind of unbelievable what they get done.
Did you see Bruno Mars? Bruno Mars, that's that's what I'm talking about.
- He's incredible.
- Bruno Mars? - The pop star? - He can really play drums.
He does it all, right? So I was thinking we do a protest show.
I think we start with "I Refuse.
" It's our biggest song.
I sang it really angry, like, back in the day.
Now, I just think a different approach But you complain that you can't see - See - No.
[NASALLY.]
But you complain that you can't see Bruno Mars would take off at that point.
He would go, like complain that you can't see Bruno Mars is not in this band.
The point he's making is just, like, we're all better musicians now, right? Yeah, whatever musicians however good we are doesn't matter.
What matters is getting our message to the government.
We are a spray of riot.
ALL: Riot Spray.
- Yeah.
- Let's do this.
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC.]
You wear a blindfold but complain that you can't see Ha-ha-ha-ha You pin the tail on the donkey Well, the tail gets pinned on me I refuse to get in line I refuse To commit your crimes I wanna cut in front of you And stop your lies From coming through I refuse BOTH: Yeah! That sounded great.
Do you have some tea? Like a slippery elm? Anything herbal.
Sure.
Uh, in the meantime, let's get out there and we'll just hit them with volume.
Guess what? It's Riot Spray.
[UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
This morning, just before 8:40 a.
m.
, police responded to a distress call at 101 Northeast Second Street.
Officers entered the apartment and found the body of a man in his mid-40s, with stab wounds to his chest and neck.
The air is humid in Portland, Oregon.
There's an inescapable closeness that feels almost oppressive.
I close my eyes and try to imagine growing up in a place like this, living with the feeling that I'll never be able to leave.
Hicks, you want me to get rid of these guys? This is a close briefing.
There's no press.
Uh, no, they're good.
Uh, we had the option between body cameras and podcasters.
I went with the podcasters.
My kids love 'em.
- I'm Darren Blum.
- [BANJO PLAYING.]
And I'm Dana Bloom.
- And this is "Forgotten America: Rural Footprints.
" Pretty good little tune, right there.
It's only been three hours since the body was discovered.
But already this case is being badly bungled.
It's important to remember that many of these cops are poor, uneducated and bad at their jobs.
There's an old saying in this part of the country.
IT GOES LIKE THIS: "I can't read.
" Sheriff Hicks was visibly upset.
You would be too if you had a dead homosexual on your hands.
Nobody said anything about the victim being gay.
Oh, well, did he wear women's clothing? No.
Uh, did he collect old padlocks? - No.
- Did he bury treasure? Did he [SOUTHERN ACCENT.]
"talk like this"? I'm pretty sure that he didn't.
And it was the first clue we had that the story we were telling - was actually interesting.
- [ACCORDION PLAYING.]
You wait until the sentence is done before you start playing music.
[PLAYING EERIE FOLK MUSIC LIGHTLY.]
Uh, sir? Can you make your phone ring? - You want me to call my phone? - Yeah.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- There you go.
It's okay okay Uh, the phones are ringing, but no one was answering.
Could it be that we were the only ones interested in solving the case? This is enough.
You guys Support for "Forgotten America: Rural Footprints" comes from Blue Apron.
Blue Apron delivers farm fresh and perfectly portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes so you can make incredible meals at home.
Go to blueapron.
com to find out more.
His eyes look haggard and wrinkled.
They look like paper bags that have been crinkled up and thrown down on the ground and people stepped on them.
Hicks, we found some old spoons and painted dolls at the crime scene.
It's obviously these two that put it there.
You guys know that tampering with an investigation is very illegal, right? [CELL DOOR CLANKS.]
Hey.
All right.
What is this? Well, as a matter of fact, is there any room in the DNA fridge? [PLAYING EERIE FOLK MUSIC.]
I still like that song.
Now, are you guys ready to confront the city? - Yeah.
- Okay.
Where are we gonna play? - City Hall? - I think Pioneer Square, - someplace public.
- Oh, Pioneer Square.
You really wanna do it so that, like, everyone is affected immediately.
- Yeah.
- Bring the noise.
We are Riot Spray! ALL: Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi! Riot Spray! Wah! - All right? - BOTH: Yeah.
You guys wanna ride with me? Carpool? I got racquetball at 8:00, so I'm just gonna And I gotta pick up Mable now; she's got swimming class.
- I need my space.
- Uh, all right.
So we'll all meet there.
You guys ready? - Ready.
- Riot Spray! [ROUSING PUNK MUSIC.]
[HORNS CHIRPING.]
Yeah! Teach this city how to think.
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC.]
- Yeah! Deal with the Spray.
- All right.
- You guys there? - Yeah, I'm right here.
- I'm here.
- Roger that.
I hear you fine.
Now remember, if the cops try to shut us down, - keep playing.
- [PUNK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
- We have a message.
- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
You're not gonna take the 405? - I like the Broadway Bridge.
- [SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING.]
I say Hawthorne or Burnside.
I just don't want us to get separated.
Riot Spray! [HORN HONKS.]
I refuse! What am I refusing again? Complacency, conformity.
When I was younger, I didn't like anything, and now I like a lot of stuff.
Can we swing by the REI on our way? Oh, man, I love REI.
Guys, no pulling over.
Oh, you guys are killing me.
Hey, Ethel, hey.
Thanks for the hydrangea advice.
Yeah, I changed the pH in the soil and the color popped.
Why are you talking to that lady? [PUNK ROCK MUSIC.]
You guys, we could've taken one car, the way we used to do it.
Hey, we're trying to find where we are.
I know where we are.
There's Pioneer Square, right there.
Have you ever eaten at Snarky's? Uh, you guys! Do we wanna play or do we not wanna play? Hey, guys, why don't we just play right there? - Look at that.
- Where? In the parking lot? Why don't we just go back to our original plan? If we just keep going, see, we can play, like, where there's more of a public.
And if I lead the way, if I'm driving first - Whoa! - Right? Then, you guys can all follow.
We park, we unload, boom.
- No way.
- We play our songs right away.
- This is incredible.
- I know.
Look at this.
[LAUGHTER.]
You're being such a poser right now! - Oh, bro - I'm a poser? - No, dude, you're a poser.
- Spyke? Come here! Check this out.
- Guys.
- He's gonna love these.
What are you doing? You've just stopped everything.
Is this up for sale? Or you just - just you have to look at it.
- [CELL PHONE RINGING.]
I gotta get this.
It's my deck guy.
What are you do you even wanna do this, Brendan? - Hey, Mark.
- We had a mission.
Right? To get the city off its ass.
And the city has just won.
- Hold on, Mark.
- They're winning by us doing nothing.
You're what are we looking at? Compasses? I mean, forget it.
Just forget the whole thing.
I counted on you guys.
Huh? [SIGHS.]
- Where you going? - I'm going to Canada.
It's where I should've gone in the first place, where I belong.
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC BROODS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Well, I know what we should do.
Let's have a long lunch.
- Snarky's anyone? - I'm in.
ALL: Oi! [GENTLE MUSIC.]
Here it is.
Same as always.
[SIGHS.]
Can't believe I've never met your family before.
Well, I can't believe they arranged this dinner for Neena at the country house.
I mean, we live in the city.
Make it easy.
- Oh.
The old summer house.
- Oh.
Make yourself at home.
My Great Who-Papa bought the property from the county buffoon in the 1930s.
Built this cabin with his own two hands.
He used molten peanut butter as cement.
Was that common in the 1930s? [SIGHS.]
Well, I think they were just copying "Popeye" cartoons back then.
You know, food is solution.
They were so stupid back then.
[HOOFBEATS, NEIGHING IN DISTANCE.]
What's that? Oh, they're just wild horses.
There's a lot of them up here, you know, - kind of untamed.
- That's so beautiful.
Beautiful? I never thought of it that way.
- Such a city girl.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Wes! - Candie.
This is Wesley, our caretaker.
Sorry to leave the gate open.
I was trying to back the truck up.
[LAUGHS.]
That's okay.
This is Toni.
Pleased to be of acquaintance.
Yeah, the house is beautiful.
- You've kept it so lovely.
- Thank you.
[HOOFBEATS RUMBLING, HORSES NEIGHING.]
[BROODING WESTERN MUSIC.]
Damn horses.
- They're getting worse? - They are! These new horse hunting laws have made for a boom in the baby foals.
I tried to swat 'em out, but they just run too fast.
Well, what about Animal Control? County can't afford it.
God damn it.
God damn this whole county.
[SIGHS.]
You hungry, sweetie? You wanna eat? - Are you talking to me? - Mm-hmm.
Go fix you somethin'? - S-sure.
- You hungry? Well, hell yes.
[SILVERWARE CLINKING.]
Mmm, damn fine meat.
How long has Wes been in your life? - Oh, Wes, since I was a kid.
- You were a little 'un.
Taught me how to memorize numbers.
You know, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
[MUMBLING.]
Hundreds, and then up to, you know, 1,000, 2,000, 2,000.
Wow, you still have them memorized.
Well, you know, numbers are real important out here in the countryside, you know? Farming is all numbers.
The moisture of the soil, the pH, the NPK, nitrogen, potash, phosphorus.
- You remember all that? - Of course I do.
What a bright young girl.
Remember when you survived a weekend in the woods? I did.
I-I used a pinecone - as a toothbrush.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, there's water in trees.
Yes, ma'am, there is.
Better water than they have in the store, anyway.
- 10 times as good.
- 20 times as good.
Nice pine taste.
Well, it's just a different world up here.
- It sure is.
- Yes, ma'am.
[HOOFBEATS RUMBLING, NEIGHING.]
Mm.
Here we go.
It's those horses.
I'm sorry, Toni.
Shoo! Get out! Get! Get lost! Y'all get now.
Getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha! Gee-yat! - Get out! - Shoo, now! - Shoo! - You hear me, now? You go! - [SIGHS.]
- So many adventures out here.
Candie, I'm sorry I missed 'em.
My God, I've tried to run 'em off, but there must be hundreds of 'em.
Now, it's not your fault.
We need to build a horse pit.
[ROUSING WESTERN MUSIC.]
A-a horse pit? - She's a city girl.
- City girl.
It's a pit you dig about 15 foot deep and the horses fall into it like a trap.
And you put the heavy stones on top.
- Those poor horses.
- Poor horses? - Are you kidding me? - Those poor horses? They're vermin! They carry disease, Toni.
Here's what their purpose is, right here.
You know what that is? That's horse meat.
That's all they're good for.
Like, I'm so sorry.
I didn't I I I meant no offense.
- I meant no harm.
- It's okay, Toni.
I understand.
We we just get - She just didn't know.
- She just didn't know.
I think they're fixing that road up.
Better school her ass, though.
[RATTLESNAKE RATTLES.]
[HORSE SNORTING.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
- [HORSE GRUNTS.]
- [GASPS.]
Ah! - That's what I do.
- [PANTING.]
What happened? I-I saw a horse up close.
It was just so dead behind the eyes, no emotion.
- Toni - [HOOFBEATS, NEIGHING.]
- Get! - They're coming from that way.
Get out of here, shoo! Candie.
Go! [RIFLE COCKS.]
Get lost! [PISTOL COCKS.]
[GUNSHOTS.]
Yeah.
Ah.
Get! I think they're gone.
Let's get some sleep.
[DRAMATIC WESTERN STING.]
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry about all this, Toni.
Must be quite a culture shock.
[SIGHS.]
I mean, what did you do here as a kid? It just seems so idyllic.
We had this game; it was called "throw the large stone.
" So silly, we'd throw these big rocks at each other's heads and our faces would get all calloused up and Our arms got really built, though.
[GENTLE WESTERN MUSIC.]
What about you? Didn't you have a little summer house somewhere? [SIGHS.]
I wouldn't exactly call it a house.
Uh, we had a hut right on the ocean.
Too close to the water, actually.
- And it'd flood half the day.
- Oh.
Ah, the waves were really loud, salt water all around us.
Wow.
Well, I think we should turn in, get some shut-eye.
Sun'll be up first thing in the morning.
[PLEASANT MUSIC.]
Well, hey, there, Candie.
[WAVES CRASHING.]
[NEIGHING.]
[HOOFBEATS RUMBLING.]
- Candace.
- I know, I hear it.
They're on the [BLEEP.]
roof.
[BLEEP.]
you! Ah! [BLEEP.]
you! [BLEEP.]
off! [NEIGHING, TUMBLING.]
I'll pick up the body in the morning.
Throw it out into the trees.
Stupid [BLEEP.]
animals.
[ROOSTER CROWING.]
What is this? It looks so good.
Well, we've got some morning bread, some wheat puffs and, um, horse bacon.
Any, uh, word from your family? Oh, I'll just check.
- Oh, you're kidding me.
- What? Well, it's from my brother.
"I've got Neena with me.
"We were on our way up, but we're not gonna be able to make it, and we'll do it another time.
" I mean, tell me before I come all the way up here.
It's so inconsiderate.
[PHONE KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
"It's fine.
" [TEXT MESSAGE WHOOSH.]
What do you wanna do? Do you do you wanna just go back? I mean, I supposed we could.
We could take the scenic route back.
Sounds nice.
Well, we only have to take the main road down the first mile or so Oh, no! My God! What have they done? They stomped on everything like a God damn [BLEEP.]
tornado.
Oh! Damned horses.
You headin' back? Yeah, well, the family ain't gonna turn up.
They canceled last minute, so we're gonna head on home.
I'll have this all cleaned up by the time y'all come back.
I thank you, Wesley.
You're an angel from heaven above.
- Oh, God.
- [HORSE SNORTS.]
[DRAMATIC WESTERN MUSIC.]
Shoo! Shoo.
Uh, we we just wanna get to our car.
You think that just because you make all that noise you run this place? That you run this county? You don't! This is our land.
We built this cabin.
I'd like to see you sign a deed.
They'd laugh right at you at the real estate office.
Why don't we just walk home? There's a path up to the road over here.
Okay.
- We'll be back.
- [HORSE SNORTS.]
- Hurry back, now.
- [RIFLE COCKS.]
[UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
Welcome to Canada Immigration.
Please wait until your number is called.
How long do I have to wait? [TENSE MUSIC.]
I've been waiting a long time.
I I haven't done anything wrong.
I'm just trying to get over the border, sir.
Sounds like you got a lot of anger.
Yes, I do.
Well, why are you angry? Because America is run by corporations, all right? - Mm-hmm.
- It's a fascist-ocracy.
I don't wanna talk about America.
I wanna talk about you.
Look, are you angry at me, the system, or are you angry at yourself? I am angry at my friends.
Okay, they turned old in a way that we were against, originally.
They're into their houses and their decks and their cars and I mean, we wanted to smash the system.
Are you angry at your friends for changing? Or are you angry at yourself for staying the same? I didn't change because I am right and they're wrong.
You are here with me.
They stuck it out.
I mean, what does that say about you? Well, it says that nobody is listening.
I'm listening.
I-I mean, I guess you are.
- I just hate - What do you hate? Okay, I'll I'll tell you what I hate.
First of all, I hate my government.
- I hate them.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
- I hate my family.
- Keep going! What do you hate, Spyke? I-I hate myself, okay? You hate yourself? Come here.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
Buddy, how are you gonna stop being angry at your country when you can't stop being angry at yourself? I don't wanna stop hating my country.
- You know, it's a - Well, then, be angry then! But do it where people can see you.
Go back to Portland.
[SIGHS.]
Why am I crying? Oh.
Because you're a special miracle.
Canada doesn't need any miracles like you.
Wow.
Look, here's your ID.
Go back to your friends, and you show 'em.
You go back to America.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
Good job with that one.
The self-help speech works every time.
[SIGHS.]
Unbelievable.
They just keep sending 'em.
I gotta get to work.
I'll see you in a minute.
Riot Spray! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Get ready for Riot Spray.
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC.]
Yeah! You wear a blindfold but complain that you can't see When you pin the tail on the donkey Or does the tail get pinned on me? I refuse to get in line I refuse [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Riot Spray! - Riot Spray! - We're back!