Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) s08e02 Episode Script
Allen (2)
Unit Patrol, Unit Patrol Unit Patrol, Unit Patrol They're back on the beat to Make crime disappear Beefy disguises from ground-up Steer A sherlock holmes with Laser-beam eyes Your own private dick Unit Patrol, Unit Patrol Frylock: Ready! Unit Patrol, Unit Patrol Shake: Wider.
Crime doesn't pay Unless you get away But you won't 'Cause you can't from the Aqua Unit Patrol Squad One Tonight's episode Allen, Part 2.
Shake: No! Nooooooooo! What have I done?! [ Sobbing .]
Part 2 The second part.
Shake: Carl? [ Doorbell rings .]
Carl? [ Doorbell rings .]
Carl! Carl? Where's Carl? Oh, he moved years ago.
They had to chisel him out of here.
Shake: Oh.
Oh, he's a big guy now.
Oh, yeah.
"Fat mountain" is what we called him.
We never called him that.
Sorry, mom.
folk art and my aging BMW.
Completely paid off by Mr.
Beefy.
George! Get in here now! Coming, mom.
You want to come in and say hi to mom? George! Shake: Yeah, I'm not comfortable with that.
In that case, you want to rent my building? Don't make me count to three.
Shake: I don't know.
I don't think so.
It's in a real bad section of town.
Shake: I said no! It is free.
Yeah, I let randy at the army surplus store keep a few things over here.
[ Lock opens .]
[ Light bulb buzzing .]
Oh, great.
Thanks a lot, Randy.
I said "a few pith helmets.
" Hey, those are my pipes! Suck it, old man! You kids have fun with those pipes, and be good, and have a good day! [ Both scream .]
Shake: What's up with all this lightning inside? I didn't see any lightning.
So, what do you say? Make a bed out of these pith helmets? Shake: Ah, I'm not into that.
Come on, it's free! Everything's [bleep.]
free now.
That we're on the [bleep.]
honor system! Everything's free now.
[ Distorted .]
Everything's free now.
[ More distorted .]
Everything's free now.
Shake: Like a ride in a cab.
Thanks a lot, Allen! Wait wait a minute.
Calm down, Allen.
But I was king slumlord of Lakeland, Florida, and you have reduced me to jack-diddl Nyyoww! [ Ringing .]
[ Click .]
Frylock: Whazzuuuup? [ Beep .]
Shake: Hey, guys.
I just wanted to thank you for leaving me in the hypersleep chamber with that thing that [bleep.]
my face! And, uh Aqua Unit Patrol Squad, Assemble! Do you hear me? I am at the corner of Um A liquor some liquor store.
You better be here in five minutes, and I am not calling you back! [ Receiver clatters .]
Frylock: Uuuuup? [ Beep .]
Shake: Hey, I'm just calling you back.
Look, it's getting late, and you haven't assembled, so I'm gonna give you a couple more hours.
I'm just gonna hang out here, and then, I hope I see you single file, assembled and ready for inspection by nightfall.
Later, tater! Frylock: Uuuuup? [ Beep .]
Shake: Look, I probably came on so strong.
I didn't even realize.
Sometimes I don't listen to myself.
So let's just take a step back, and you can do my bidding later.
I'm just [ Sighs .]
I'm so lonely.
Hey, you.
Yeah, you, on the phone.
Shake: And I'm lost, and I'm scared.
Please Please just come and pick me up.
Whatcha doin' 'round here? Shake: I swear I will not enforce a pecking order until later.
[ Sniffles .]
You guys know I only control you for your own good! Meatwad: Who was that? Frylock: Oh, just some telemarketer.
Meatwad: Oh, okay.
So, then, you killed your phone? That's a good way to get back at him.
Frylock: Just go play in your room.
You a crybaby? Shake: [ Sniffles .]
I'm not! Hey, look here, man, I'll give you something to cry about.
Shake: No, please.
I'm fine.
Cry about famine.
That's something to cry about.
So is war, man.
Hold up! Hold up! Where you goin'? Shake: Nowhere! Nowhere! Home.
I'm just You look lost.
What, you need directions? I mean, I got a GPS.
It's easy, bro.
Just give me two seconds.
Just tell us where you live at.
Shake: No, I'm fine.
A'ight, then.
You be good, man.
And have a good day.
Shake: You don't wa You don't want to stab me? Just a little bit? Come on, man! Let's do him! Shake: No! He practically begging us to do him! Shake: No, no! He just said "stab"! Shake: No, no, no! That's the cue! You know what'll happen, Brian.
I been having a good day for nine freakin' years! You hear me, Allen? You hear me? Aaaaaah! Oh, damn! Uh Okay, well, uh, y'all be good and have a good day.
Shake: Who's Allen? I don't know.
I don't know nothing.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Who said "Allen"? Who is Allen? I don't even know who that is.
Look, I got to go over here where I was hanging out and being good.
Shake: Well, um what's that? Bring the cup to me! Mm, mm, mm.
Go on up there, now.
Shake: Ah-ah! Aaah! Oh! Ow! Ow! Aah! Shake: Let me guess Allen, right? Well, "Alien.
" But they [bleep.]
it up on the sign.
I trust you are being good and having a good day.
Shake: What is all this? What are you doing up here? These monitors track and display all bad deeds around the Earth, and if I see something bad, I destroy it so the Earth can be good.
Shake: Well, when you destroy the stuff, that's bad.
Right? Shut up.
Frylock: What are you talking about, man? It's been awesome here without him.
Shake: Shh! Shh! Shh! Look! I know these guys! Frylock: I don't want to go back to those days.
Do you? Meatwad: Well, he was always a very good friend to me.
Shake: Meatwad.
Meatwad: And if you don't go get him, then I will.
Shake: Blast the little one slowly.
They are being good, unlike you have.
Observe! Shake: He does what?! You can't meddle Shake: Oh, I remember this! [ Laughing .]
Oh, yeah, this was at the old house.
Gosh, I was so thin back then.
Oh, come on.
He loved it more than I did! [ Grunting .]
Stay down! And I craved it.
Ah, man.
That is some good times! You know, you really don't know what you have until it leaves 'cause you chase it around with a ball-peen hammer.
You are the meanest person on the planet a real a-hole, underlined and bold.
Shake: Well [bleep.]
you, too, and the ship you rode in on.
[ Energy crackling .]
I imagine you've seen the laser.
Would I be correct? Shake: So what? Bzzt! I've got on my force field.
Damn.
Meatwad: Was this the liquor store he was talking about? 'Cause this is the one I like to go to, 'cause they don't card me, and it's right next to the sperm bank, where I get the money to buy the schnapps.
Frylock: Look, I don't see him, okay? Can we go now? Meatwad: Hey, man.
You seen a drink cup about yea high, white, big ol' eyes, pink straw, and little yellow hands? I know I I know I should remember that.
Meatwad: Look just like this.
Ohhh.
Okay.
Well, he's up there with Allen.
Frylock: Then he's dead, and we're outta here.
Meatwad: Wait, Frylock.
I got me a plan.
You know, I'm about to give you what for, drink cup in the privacy bubble.
Listen, I don't like this any more than you do, but it's for your own good.
I'll blast you all.
Don't think for a millisecond that I wouldn't do it.
I'd do it now, I'd do it every day, forever.
You know why? 'Cause I can.
My dad is watching, so here's what we're gonna do.
Shake: You're going to vaporize me? Well, yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that you have that force field.
Had you forgotten that? Shake: Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Hold on.
Let me turn it on again.
Bzzt! So, of course, that would be impossible.
But you and I both know that if you didn't have that force field, there would be two hits.
Shake: Yeah, yeah.
You hit me and I hit the floor.
Bingo! And that would be three.
Shake: That actually would be two.
Look, I couldn't give a crap about you and your number system.
Where I come from, it's three.
Shake: Fine.
You're wrong.
All right, what's your point? It's my dad.
Shake: Your dad what? Look, all I did was have a [bleep.]
party, and someone ruined his pool table.
And now I have to do this for the rest of my bloody life! Shake: Well, who did it? It was Tommy, roughhousing with a cue stick, and he tore the felt.
A 6-inch gash.
And then he lied about it Said it was there already.
I could have killed him.
I still would.
Shake: Why didn't you just vaporize your stupid dad? I love him, but he's on my case.
Shake: He's always gonna be on your case.
He cramps my style.
Shake: Look, at a certain point, you got to grow up and be your own man.
You know, it's so odd that I can whisper to you.
Shake: Yeah.
Usually a force field like yours would repel me.
Shake: Yeah, weird.
Weird.
Shake: Uh Never mind.
I talk a lot.
I mean, my dad says that.
I wish he didn't exist! Shake: Don't you ever say that about your father! Do you know how much he sacrifices for you? No.
Oh, god.
You don't know him, do you? Shake: Yes, I do.
Oh, no! I'm screwed! Don't tell him what I said about him, will you? Shake: It's cool.
It's cool, man.
Don't get upset.
But I heard your dad mention while we were golfing today that he's going out of town on business tonight.
Party, party, party! I'm gonna call Tommy.
He loves to throw down.
Shake: Yeah, he does.
Meatwad: Hey, Allen! Doody.
Butt.
That's right butt.
Doody butt.
Potty mouth on 29! Shake: Blast him, Allen! Blast him into the night! Meatwad: Pooty butt! Doody! Come on, Frylock.
You do one.
Frylock: Allen, you can suck my fried [bleep.]
you son of a bitch.
Kiss my balls, lick the juice from my [bleep.]
hole, you [bleep.]
face.
You fat bastard! You hear me, bitch? Huh? Come on down here, you sucking [bleep.]
suck [bleep.]
mother [bleep.]
.
Meatwad: Dang, man.
Frylock: Where you going? Meatwad: Ooooh, Allen! He said a bad word! Frylock: Hey, wait! Come back here! It was your plan! Right.
Listen carefully.
Lasers here, monitors here.
Have you got that? Excellent.
So easy, a roach could do it.
Shake: Where are you going? [ Cellphone rings, beeps .]
Tomaloma! Brew-meister! The roof's on fire.
Oh, you literally mean the roof is on fire, as in burning flames? Were you smoking up there? Oh.
Hey, dad.
Tommy did that.
He smokes.
You liar! You judas, Tommy! [ Whimpers .]
What's for my own good? No, wait! I'm not even up there! This is
Crime doesn't pay Unless you get away But you won't 'Cause you can't from the Aqua Unit Patrol Squad One Tonight's episode Allen, Part 2.
Shake: No! Nooooooooo! What have I done?! [ Sobbing .]
Part 2 The second part.
Shake: Carl? [ Doorbell rings .]
Carl? [ Doorbell rings .]
Carl! Carl? Where's Carl? Oh, he moved years ago.
They had to chisel him out of here.
Shake: Oh.
Oh, he's a big guy now.
Oh, yeah.
"Fat mountain" is what we called him.
We never called him that.
Sorry, mom.
folk art and my aging BMW.
Completely paid off by Mr.
Beefy.
George! Get in here now! Coming, mom.
You want to come in and say hi to mom? George! Shake: Yeah, I'm not comfortable with that.
In that case, you want to rent my building? Don't make me count to three.
Shake: I don't know.
I don't think so.
It's in a real bad section of town.
Shake: I said no! It is free.
Yeah, I let randy at the army surplus store keep a few things over here.
[ Lock opens .]
[ Light bulb buzzing .]
Oh, great.
Thanks a lot, Randy.
I said "a few pith helmets.
" Hey, those are my pipes! Suck it, old man! You kids have fun with those pipes, and be good, and have a good day! [ Both scream .]
Shake: What's up with all this lightning inside? I didn't see any lightning.
So, what do you say? Make a bed out of these pith helmets? Shake: Ah, I'm not into that.
Come on, it's free! Everything's [bleep.]
free now.
That we're on the [bleep.]
honor system! Everything's free now.
[ Distorted .]
Everything's free now.
[ More distorted .]
Everything's free now.
Shake: Like a ride in a cab.
Thanks a lot, Allen! Wait wait a minute.
Calm down, Allen.
But I was king slumlord of Lakeland, Florida, and you have reduced me to jack-diddl Nyyoww! [ Ringing .]
[ Click .]
Frylock: Whazzuuuup? [ Beep .]
Shake: Hey, guys.
I just wanted to thank you for leaving me in the hypersleep chamber with that thing that [bleep.]
my face! And, uh Aqua Unit Patrol Squad, Assemble! Do you hear me? I am at the corner of Um A liquor some liquor store.
You better be here in five minutes, and I am not calling you back! [ Receiver clatters .]
Frylock: Uuuuup? [ Beep .]
Shake: Hey, I'm just calling you back.
Look, it's getting late, and you haven't assembled, so I'm gonna give you a couple more hours.
I'm just gonna hang out here, and then, I hope I see you single file, assembled and ready for inspection by nightfall.
Later, tater! Frylock: Uuuuup? [ Beep .]
Shake: Look, I probably came on so strong.
I didn't even realize.
Sometimes I don't listen to myself.
So let's just take a step back, and you can do my bidding later.
I'm just [ Sighs .]
I'm so lonely.
Hey, you.
Yeah, you, on the phone.
Shake: And I'm lost, and I'm scared.
Please Please just come and pick me up.
Whatcha doin' 'round here? Shake: I swear I will not enforce a pecking order until later.
[ Sniffles .]
You guys know I only control you for your own good! Meatwad: Who was that? Frylock: Oh, just some telemarketer.
Meatwad: Oh, okay.
So, then, you killed your phone? That's a good way to get back at him.
Frylock: Just go play in your room.
You a crybaby? Shake: [ Sniffles .]
I'm not! Hey, look here, man, I'll give you something to cry about.
Shake: No, please.
I'm fine.
Cry about famine.
That's something to cry about.
So is war, man.
Hold up! Hold up! Where you goin'? Shake: Nowhere! Nowhere! Home.
I'm just You look lost.
What, you need directions? I mean, I got a GPS.
It's easy, bro.
Just give me two seconds.
Just tell us where you live at.
Shake: No, I'm fine.
A'ight, then.
You be good, man.
And have a good day.
Shake: You don't wa You don't want to stab me? Just a little bit? Come on, man! Let's do him! Shake: No! He practically begging us to do him! Shake: No, no! He just said "stab"! Shake: No, no, no! That's the cue! You know what'll happen, Brian.
I been having a good day for nine freakin' years! You hear me, Allen? You hear me? Aaaaaah! Oh, damn! Uh Okay, well, uh, y'all be good and have a good day.
Shake: Who's Allen? I don't know.
I don't know nothing.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Who said "Allen"? Who is Allen? I don't even know who that is.
Look, I got to go over here where I was hanging out and being good.
Shake: Well, um what's that? Bring the cup to me! Mm, mm, mm.
Go on up there, now.
Shake: Ah-ah! Aaah! Oh! Ow! Ow! Aah! Shake: Let me guess Allen, right? Well, "Alien.
" But they [bleep.]
it up on the sign.
I trust you are being good and having a good day.
Shake: What is all this? What are you doing up here? These monitors track and display all bad deeds around the Earth, and if I see something bad, I destroy it so the Earth can be good.
Shake: Well, when you destroy the stuff, that's bad.
Right? Shut up.
Frylock: What are you talking about, man? It's been awesome here without him.
Shake: Shh! Shh! Shh! Look! I know these guys! Frylock: I don't want to go back to those days.
Do you? Meatwad: Well, he was always a very good friend to me.
Shake: Meatwad.
Meatwad: And if you don't go get him, then I will.
Shake: Blast the little one slowly.
They are being good, unlike you have.
Observe! Shake: He does what?! You can't meddle Shake: Oh, I remember this! [ Laughing .]
Oh, yeah, this was at the old house.
Gosh, I was so thin back then.
Oh, come on.
He loved it more than I did! [ Grunting .]
Stay down! And I craved it.
Ah, man.
That is some good times! You know, you really don't know what you have until it leaves 'cause you chase it around with a ball-peen hammer.
You are the meanest person on the planet a real a-hole, underlined and bold.
Shake: Well [bleep.]
you, too, and the ship you rode in on.
[ Energy crackling .]
I imagine you've seen the laser.
Would I be correct? Shake: So what? Bzzt! I've got on my force field.
Damn.
Meatwad: Was this the liquor store he was talking about? 'Cause this is the one I like to go to, 'cause they don't card me, and it's right next to the sperm bank, where I get the money to buy the schnapps.
Frylock: Look, I don't see him, okay? Can we go now? Meatwad: Hey, man.
You seen a drink cup about yea high, white, big ol' eyes, pink straw, and little yellow hands? I know I I know I should remember that.
Meatwad: Look just like this.
Ohhh.
Okay.
Well, he's up there with Allen.
Frylock: Then he's dead, and we're outta here.
Meatwad: Wait, Frylock.
I got me a plan.
You know, I'm about to give you what for, drink cup in the privacy bubble.
Listen, I don't like this any more than you do, but it's for your own good.
I'll blast you all.
Don't think for a millisecond that I wouldn't do it.
I'd do it now, I'd do it every day, forever.
You know why? 'Cause I can.
My dad is watching, so here's what we're gonna do.
Shake: You're going to vaporize me? Well, yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that you have that force field.
Had you forgotten that? Shake: Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Hold on.
Let me turn it on again.
Bzzt! So, of course, that would be impossible.
But you and I both know that if you didn't have that force field, there would be two hits.
Shake: Yeah, yeah.
You hit me and I hit the floor.
Bingo! And that would be three.
Shake: That actually would be two.
Look, I couldn't give a crap about you and your number system.
Where I come from, it's three.
Shake: Fine.
You're wrong.
All right, what's your point? It's my dad.
Shake: Your dad what? Look, all I did was have a [bleep.]
party, and someone ruined his pool table.
And now I have to do this for the rest of my bloody life! Shake: Well, who did it? It was Tommy, roughhousing with a cue stick, and he tore the felt.
A 6-inch gash.
And then he lied about it Said it was there already.
I could have killed him.
I still would.
Shake: Why didn't you just vaporize your stupid dad? I love him, but he's on my case.
Shake: He's always gonna be on your case.
He cramps my style.
Shake: Look, at a certain point, you got to grow up and be your own man.
You know, it's so odd that I can whisper to you.
Shake: Yeah.
Usually a force field like yours would repel me.
Shake: Yeah, weird.
Weird.
Shake: Uh Never mind.
I talk a lot.
I mean, my dad says that.
I wish he didn't exist! Shake: Don't you ever say that about your father! Do you know how much he sacrifices for you? No.
Oh, god.
You don't know him, do you? Shake: Yes, I do.
Oh, no! I'm screwed! Don't tell him what I said about him, will you? Shake: It's cool.
It's cool, man.
Don't get upset.
But I heard your dad mention while we were golfing today that he's going out of town on business tonight.
Party, party, party! I'm gonna call Tommy.
He loves to throw down.
Shake: Yeah, he does.
Meatwad: Hey, Allen! Doody.
Butt.
That's right butt.
Doody butt.
Potty mouth on 29! Shake: Blast him, Allen! Blast him into the night! Meatwad: Pooty butt! Doody! Come on, Frylock.
You do one.
Frylock: Allen, you can suck my fried [bleep.]
you son of a bitch.
Kiss my balls, lick the juice from my [bleep.]
hole, you [bleep.]
face.
You fat bastard! You hear me, bitch? Huh? Come on down here, you sucking [bleep.]
suck [bleep.]
mother [bleep.]
.
Meatwad: Dang, man.
Frylock: Where you going? Meatwad: Ooooh, Allen! He said a bad word! Frylock: Hey, wait! Come back here! It was your plan! Right.
Listen carefully.
Lasers here, monitors here.
Have you got that? Excellent.
So easy, a roach could do it.
Shake: Where are you going? [ Cellphone rings, beeps .]
Tomaloma! Brew-meister! The roof's on fire.
Oh, you literally mean the roof is on fire, as in burning flames? Were you smoking up there? Oh.
Hey, dad.
Tommy did that.
He smokes.
You liar! You judas, Tommy! [ Whimpers .]
What's for my own good? No, wait! I'm not even up there! This is