Beavis and Butt-Head (1993) s08e02 Episode Script
Daughter's Hand & Tech Support
And that is why, dear sir, I've come before you My heart aches for your precious daughter.
- Elizabeth - [Laughing.]
What a wuss.
[Laughing.]
My heart aches eh-eh.
Good sir, may I ask for your daughter's hand? Whoa! Uh Did he just like Ask for her hand? Yeah, yeah.
I think he wants her to like Spank his monkey.
Yeah.
Many suitors have sought her hand, but you, sir, did it the proper way.
And for that, you will get my daughter's hand.
- Whoa! - Whoa! You think they're gonna show it? UhThey'll probably just blur it out.
Whoa! Check it out, Beavis.
In olden times, that's how dudes got chicks to use their hands on 'em.
Yeah? Yeah? Heh.
And dads are likeold.
So all we need to do is like find a chick with a dad and then like ask for his daughter's hand.
Yeah, yeah.
Heh heh heh.
This is gonna be cool.
Yeah! Boin-oi-oing! [Both laughing.]
Nathan used to spend all his time partying with his friends, but now that I'm pregnant "Nathan used to spend all his time "partying with his friends.
Now that I'm pregnant" Heh heh.
It's not gonna be easy to take care of the baby with the controller in your hand.
This chick is a horrible actor.
Yeah, really.
I have nothing better to do.
That's what you said like two months ago.
So she's not a bad actor then.
Just a bad person.
So what's the plan? - What plan? - What are you guys gonna do? I'm talking work.
Everybody's mouth is always open.
Uhhhhhh Yeah, yeah, really.
Heh heh.
Eeehhhh [Chuckles.]
I was hoping Nathan would step it up, but over the next few days, instead of looking for a job, Nathan chose to hang out with his friends and play video games.
I don't even know where his head is at anymore.
See? He's looking for a job.
[Both laughing.]
Gotta be one out there somewhere.
I think, um, once he does get a job, I think everything's gonna be smooth sailing.
Yeah.
Dude, you used to run wild everywhere with me.
You're like the wild steed that don't ever get caught.
- But it'sYou know.
- I finally-- You got caged in.
This guy looks like he might be stupider than us.
I do feel like I'm kinda stuck here.
What's that on his hat? That's his name so he won't get lost.
Man, this is so stressful.
Dude, yeah.
He should like tie a chain from those things in his lip to the things in his ears and just like Hold his mouth shut, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Heh.
Then he would look smart.
I'd hire him.
[Giggling.]
I don't even know anymore.
So if you realize if we weren't having a baby, I wouldn't be here, right? This would be a better show if they, like, showed 'em actually getting pregnant.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Heh heh heh.
Yeah, it'd be called, I'm 16, and tonight I'm gonna get pregnant.
Yeah, then they'd show them makin' love.
[Chortling.]
UhI think that new chick Victoria lives here.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, she's hot.
Heh heh.
She has a dad.
[Chuckling.]
Dads.
[Both laughing.]
[Ding dong, ding dong.]
[Both chuckling.]
Uh Can I help you? UhAre you Victoria's dad? Uh, yes.
Victoria is my daughter.
Why do you wanna know? UhHeh heh heh heh.
Heh heh.
So like, uh I'm here to like ask for your daughter's hand.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Me too.
[Both chortling.]
We want your blessings.
Oh.
Well, fellas, uh I appreciate that you have feelings for Victoria.
She's a wonderful girl.
But, uh I think she's a few years older than you, and she has a boyfriend, okay? That's okay with me, sir.
[Both laughing.]
Yeah.
I don't care who I have to follow.
Even Butt-Head.
I just want your daughter's hand.
UhLook, boys, it is nice to see kids of your generation trying to do things the right way, but if you're planning on waiting for a chance with my daughter, I think you're gonna be waiting a long time.
But it's nice meeting you boys.
Good-bye.
UhNo problem, dude.
Yeah.
Heh.
Some things are worth waiting for.
[Both chuckling.]
Mm.
Hand.
Heh heh.
[Both laughing.]
Heh.
Wank.
Heh heh.
How long have we been waiting so far? UhI think it's been like a bunch of days.
Yeah, boy.
Now, I know these tired old eyes ain't seeing two able-bodied young men just lollygagging.
Uh Heh heh Can you like Shut up? Say what? We're like waiting for this dude to like let us have his daughter's hand.
Huh.
And I thought your generation had given up on being proper gentlemen.
So which one of you is fixing to win the hand of this little lady? - Uh, right here.
- Me.
Yeah, me.
Me.
Hmm.
Love triangle, huh? Well, I guess you two will have to tangle since you know she can't give her hand to both of you.
Yeah, but she's got two of 'em.
[Both giggling.]
Jumpin' Jesus, son! A gal gives her hand to just one fellow.
Now, let me give you boys a little tip.
No one ever got anywhere just waitin' around.
When it comes to women, there's nothing wrong with being a little persistent.
- Uh - Damn it, boys.
If you want that girl's hand, get off your keisters and go get it.
He's right, Beavis.
We've waited long enough.
Yeah, yeah.
Her hand must be rested enough by now.
[Both laughing.]
Boi-oi-oi-oing! OhYoung love.
This is gonna be cool.
[Man chuckles.]
I do see dead people.
I'm Sammie Jo.
I live in Nashville, Tennessee.
I am a psychic medium.
Oh, man! She's a psychic? What's that again? Heh! UhAren't those people who think they can predict the future? Heh.
Oh, yeah.
Toot's.
[Both laughing.]
Toot's.
Squatch.
[Both laughing.]
She's likeEh "I knew you were gonna order chicken wings.
And I predict that I'm gonna eat the rest of 'em.
" Yeah, and I also predict that those curly fries are just gonna get cold.
[Chortling.]
I might as well have those now too.
Yeah.
Ha.
The spirits want you to hand 'em over.
Heh heh heh heh heh.
[Chortling.]
And I also predict that you're broke.
And I'm gonna pay for this meal.
[Both laughing.]
And I predict That you look like a dumbass.
Wait.
That already happened.
So what we talking about? You predict that we'll make it across this bridge.
Whenever I was really, really quiet I was praying.
Jesus said she could do better.
[Chortling.]
Hi.
Upset.
Because you didn't come.
I thought you'd at least show your face, 'cause you know how much it meant to me.
Wait a minute, wait She said, "I thought you'd show your face, but you didn't come," so that means That she predicted he was gonna come, and he didn't! Heh heh heh! She's a lousy psychic.
Heh heh heh.
Yeah.
Everything this woman says is a lie.
I just think that we should end it now before feelings get deeper Yeah.
End it now before you pick your pants away.
[Chortling.]
Please say something.
EhI predict I'm going to be going to Toot's alone.
I'm gonna eat all your chicken wings.
[Both laughing.]
[Crying.]
[Ding dong, ding dong.]
UhHeh heh.
Good day, sir.
[Both laughing.]
UhMay I have your daughter's hand now? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
Uh, okay, look.
I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it's just not gonna happen.
I was just trying to be polite, okay? I don't think my daughter would date either of you, let alone marry you, okay? Who said anything about marriage or dating? Dumbass.
Yeah.
Yeah, really.
Gimme her hand right now! I don't even care which one she uses.
What are you babbling about? Sir, we are proper gentlemen, and we wish for your daughter to use her hand upon us.
We have asked you for her hand in the manner of proper gentlemen.
Yeah.
So you have to now.
- That's the rules.
- You want my daughter-- my sweet little angel to perform--[Stammers.]
You sick little b-- I will kill you! [Both grunting.]
Can I have her hand now? Yeah, can she just choke my chicken? - Ow! Ow! - Uh! Hey, buddy, I don't know where you moved here from, but in this neighborhood, a man keeps his hands to himself.
Yeah, why don't you mind your own [Bleep.]
damn business? I said keep your hands to yourself! Whoa! - Cool.
- Damn it! I'm gonna teach 3 to keep your hands to yourself.
Keep your hands to yourself.
Keep your hands To yourself.
Huh.
It's like all this time I've tried all these things.
And I've waited, and I forgot That I have my own hand.
Heh heh heh.
My own hand.
[Chuckling.]
UhOh, yeah.
The answer was always with us.
[Both laughing.]
God dang it! [Fighting sounds continue, boys laughing.]
Huh-huh.
Abandoned drive-ins kick ass.
Heh, yeah.
[Both laughing.]
I'm gonna throw rocks at the snack bar.
[Both laughing.]
This is gonna be cool.
Huh-huh.
Uh, where is it? Huh-huh.
I thought it was right here.
[Both laughing.]
Maybe they moved the abandoned drive-in somewhere else.
- Uh-- - Heh-heh.
Yeah.
Let's go talk to these people.
Yeah, really.
[Both laughing.]
Yeah, get to the bottom of this.
[Both laughing.]
[Typing sounds.]
[On phone.]
Now, listen to me, very carefully.
I have restarted it five times.
It doesn't work! [Foreign accent.]
Yes, I understand your frustration.
Can you hear me? Uh, please unplug your desktop computer.
It's not the desktop-- Uh, hey.
Where's the abandoned drive-in? [Both laughing.]
Yeah, did you move it? Hey, are you listening to me? Yes, I am sorry.
I have only been working here for a short distance.
Give me your supervisor.
Yes, you need to put headset on.
We have many callers on hold, and we are behinds.
Huh-huh.
You're a behind.
[Both laughing.]
- Yeah, you're all behinds! - Huh-huh.
All of you.
[Both laughing.]
Moved our drive-in.
Yes.
Yes, we are.
Please, sit down.
Um.
Heh-heh.
Okay.
Huh-huh.
Cool.
Huh-huh.
Let's try to get porn.
Yeah, yeah, really.
Heh-heh.
Hi, may I take your order? Heh-heh.
Yeah.
[Phone rings.]
Uh.
- Hello? - [On phone.]
Ah, finally.
I've been on hold for 20 minutes, and before that, I was transferred to someone else, who put me on hold for 1/2 hour.
Now, please don't tell me I'm gonna have to explain everything all over to you again.
Hello? Uh, what? Huh-huh.
[Sighs.]
Don't tell me I'm gonna have to explain everything again.
- Huh-huh.
- Do not put me on hold again.
Do not put me on-- Huh-huh.
Th-th-this is cool.
Huh-huh.
Good afternoon.
My name is Hamid.
Uh, how is the weather in Biloxi? [On phone.]
Come on, man.
I've been on the phone for 1/2 hour! This should be resolved by now.
Yes, sir, I understand your frustration, - yes.
- This is horrible.
I can't stand-- [on phone.]
Yeah, I just want to know how to turn off auto-complete when I type in my password.
Yes, yes.
Heh-heh.
[With fake accent.]
I understand your frustration.
Heh-heh.
Yeah.
Heh-heh.
Did you unplug your computer, ma'am? No.
What does that have to do with anything? I'm sorry, I've only been working here a short distance.
Heh-heh.
How is the weather in Biloxi? How the hell should I know? I live in Cleveland.
I understand your frustration.
Heh-heh.
This is cool.
Heh-heh.
I--I tried that, and, uh, it still didn't work.
And I tried it again but, you know, I still keep getting - the same error thing, and-- - Uh.
- It's really not-- - Do people ever tell you you sound boring on the phone? Huh-huh.
Can you like shut up and tell me how to get this computer to show porn? What? You've gotta be kidding me.
Where's your supervisor? Uh Heh heh huh.
Please just tell me, how do you turn off the frickin' auto-complete feature, because every time I try to sign on to the frickin' Internet-- - You have any matches? - Uh Try setting it on fire! What-- I want your name right now.
My name is Hamid.
Heh-heh.
Spell that! Um, heh, okay, um, heh.
Chameed.
Heh-heh.
Um, heh.
Have you tried kicking it? - Heh-heh.
- [On phone.]
Kick it? - I don't--I don't get it.
- Kick it harder.
Heh.
Yeah, harder! - Kick it, is that like-- - Yes, um, sir, do you see what they are saying? Yes, I do, and if you want to get ahead here, you just listen to these guys.
See, Hamid, our goal is to help the customers, of course.
But if we're on the phone too long, we don't make any money.
We go out of business, and then what will the customers do? I am Hamid.
Heh-heh.
I am Chinese.
Heh-heh.
Yeah.
Do not hang up on me.
Heh-heh.
See that? Keep up the good work, fellas.
Uh, ma'am? Could you, like, say "track ball" again? Huh-huh.
- [On phone.]
Trackball.
- Heh heh heh heh.
Hello, sir.
Um Did you try to unplug your, um-- I mean, uh, do you have any matches? [Both laughing.]
That would be cool.
[All laughing.]
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again You know, I gotta say, I kinda like this song.
EhOkay, Beavis.
Huh-huh.
Sometimes if I'm not feeling too good about myself, I like put this song on and then like put some fireworks in my pants and I start to feel better.
Uh, do you light the fireworks? Well, yeah, yeah, I tried, but every time I put the lighter down there in my pants, it just goes out.
I need longer fuses or something.
Like a longer lighter.
You're a dumbass, Beavis.
You don't have to feel like a waste of space My guidance counselor said that same thing, you know.
That I don't have to feel like a waste of space.
But when Katy Perry says it and she has fireworks coming out of her boobs, kind of, uhKind of gives me a special feeling.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, except Katy Perry's not talking about you, Beavis.
She's talking about that dove model by the pool.
Huh-huh.
You are a waste of space.
Shut up, Butt-Head.
You're more like that part of the song before where she's talking about the plastic bag floating around but like if it floated into a trashcan and then a bunch of stinky homeless dudes - peed all over it-- - Shut up, Butt-Head! [Both laughing.]
You're not a firework.
Damn it, Butt-Head.
Shut up! - Ugh! - Ooh! [Thud.]
I am a firework.
Damn it, Beavis.
I'm an m80.
[Chortling.]
[Muffled phone voice.]
Uh-huh.
Yeah, heh.
Yeah, well, you know it's tough being a single mom, you know.
Heh-heh.
Hey, guys, this guy, he say, "Microsoft.
" It's funny, right? "MicroSoft.
" [All laughing.]
Uh, not bad, Hamid.
[Both laughing.]
Yeah, yeah, you're getting better.
Heh-heh.
Keep up the good work.
[All laughing.]
Heh-heh.
[Phone rings.]
[On phone.]
Thank God.
Please, I need help.
[Alarm sounds.]
We're having some serious problems down here at the power plant.
How do I open in safe-mode? Heh-heh.
Hey, this guy, he say, "safe-mode," heh-heh.
You see.
Heh-heh.
Uh, that's not funny, Hamid.
Yeah, heh-heh.
Yeah, if he doesn't have anything funny to say, hang up on him.
Heh-heh.
Uh, you know what is funny? Tell him to type, I.
C.
U.
P.
Th-that would be cool.
Heh-heh.
Yeah.
[Both laughing.]
Uh, sir.
Uh, please type, I.
.
C.
.
U.
.
P.
[Both laughing.]
That would be cool.
[On phone.]
Really? Okay.
I.
C.
U.
P.
[Alarm sounds.]
Oh, wait, that's worse.
[Both laughing.]
Now I can't even get to the safe-mode screen.
Tell him to butt-plug his computer.
[Both laughing.]
Uh, yes.
And unplug your computer.
I don't even know if I can unplug it.
That's not what I said.
It's pronounced, "butt-plug.
" Huh-huh.
[Porn music.]
Whoa! Lonely, nasty housewives.
Whoa! Hey! Hey, let me see! Let me see! I don't know about this, but it's unplugged.
[On phone.]
What the-- We're having a class four power drain! What the hell did you do? [Power shuts down.]
Hey! Damn it, it's broken! Huh-huh.
And I almost had porn.
Damn it! Heh-heh.
I want to see nasty housewives.
- Heh-heh.
Now! - Yeah.
Heh-heh.
I'm gonna go get this thing fixed.
Hey, he said, "power drain.
" Heh-heh.
Uh, that's not funny.
This isn't really working out, Hamid.
- Huh-huh.
- Yeah.
Yes, b-but I am trying.
Yeah.
Heh-heh.
Yeah, I understand your frustration.
Heh-heh.
Hey, those two guys are lootin' that place.
Let's get stuff before it's all gone! [Tires squeal.]
Both: Whoo! Whoa.
Cool.
- Huh-huh.
- Yeah, yeah! You know, Beavis, this place used to be cool, then it sucked when they put the office there, but now it's cool again.
Heh-heh.
Yeah, yeah.
Heh-heh.
Yeah, that's nice to see.
- Elizabeth - [Laughing.]
What a wuss.
[Laughing.]
My heart aches eh-eh.
Good sir, may I ask for your daughter's hand? Whoa! Uh Did he just like Ask for her hand? Yeah, yeah.
I think he wants her to like Spank his monkey.
Yeah.
Many suitors have sought her hand, but you, sir, did it the proper way.
And for that, you will get my daughter's hand.
- Whoa! - Whoa! You think they're gonna show it? UhThey'll probably just blur it out.
Whoa! Check it out, Beavis.
In olden times, that's how dudes got chicks to use their hands on 'em.
Yeah? Yeah? Heh.
And dads are likeold.
So all we need to do is like find a chick with a dad and then like ask for his daughter's hand.
Yeah, yeah.
Heh heh heh.
This is gonna be cool.
Yeah! Boin-oi-oing! [Both laughing.]
Nathan used to spend all his time partying with his friends, but now that I'm pregnant "Nathan used to spend all his time "partying with his friends.
Now that I'm pregnant" Heh heh.
It's not gonna be easy to take care of the baby with the controller in your hand.
This chick is a horrible actor.
Yeah, really.
I have nothing better to do.
That's what you said like two months ago.
So she's not a bad actor then.
Just a bad person.
So what's the plan? - What plan? - What are you guys gonna do? I'm talking work.
Everybody's mouth is always open.
Uhhhhhh Yeah, yeah, really.
Heh heh.
Eeehhhh [Chuckles.]
I was hoping Nathan would step it up, but over the next few days, instead of looking for a job, Nathan chose to hang out with his friends and play video games.
I don't even know where his head is at anymore.
See? He's looking for a job.
[Both laughing.]
Gotta be one out there somewhere.
I think, um, once he does get a job, I think everything's gonna be smooth sailing.
Yeah.
Dude, you used to run wild everywhere with me.
You're like the wild steed that don't ever get caught.
- But it'sYou know.
- I finally-- You got caged in.
This guy looks like he might be stupider than us.
I do feel like I'm kinda stuck here.
What's that on his hat? That's his name so he won't get lost.
Man, this is so stressful.
Dude, yeah.
He should like tie a chain from those things in his lip to the things in his ears and just like Hold his mouth shut, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Heh.
Then he would look smart.
I'd hire him.
[Giggling.]
I don't even know anymore.
So if you realize if we weren't having a baby, I wouldn't be here, right? This would be a better show if they, like, showed 'em actually getting pregnant.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Heh heh heh.
Yeah, it'd be called, I'm 16, and tonight I'm gonna get pregnant.
Yeah, then they'd show them makin' love.
[Chortling.]
UhI think that new chick Victoria lives here.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, she's hot.
Heh heh.
She has a dad.
[Chuckling.]
Dads.
[Both laughing.]
[Ding dong, ding dong.]
[Both chuckling.]
Uh Can I help you? UhAre you Victoria's dad? Uh, yes.
Victoria is my daughter.
Why do you wanna know? UhHeh heh heh heh.
Heh heh.
So like, uh I'm here to like ask for your daughter's hand.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Me too.
[Both chortling.]
We want your blessings.
Oh.
Well, fellas, uh I appreciate that you have feelings for Victoria.
She's a wonderful girl.
But, uh I think she's a few years older than you, and she has a boyfriend, okay? That's okay with me, sir.
[Both laughing.]
Yeah.
I don't care who I have to follow.
Even Butt-Head.
I just want your daughter's hand.
UhLook, boys, it is nice to see kids of your generation trying to do things the right way, but if you're planning on waiting for a chance with my daughter, I think you're gonna be waiting a long time.
But it's nice meeting you boys.
Good-bye.
UhNo problem, dude.
Yeah.
Heh.
Some things are worth waiting for.
[Both chuckling.]
Mm.
Hand.
Heh heh.
[Both laughing.]
Heh.
Wank.
Heh heh.
How long have we been waiting so far? UhI think it's been like a bunch of days.
Yeah, boy.
Now, I know these tired old eyes ain't seeing two able-bodied young men just lollygagging.
Uh Heh heh Can you like Shut up? Say what? We're like waiting for this dude to like let us have his daughter's hand.
Huh.
And I thought your generation had given up on being proper gentlemen.
So which one of you is fixing to win the hand of this little lady? - Uh, right here.
- Me.
Yeah, me.
Me.
Hmm.
Love triangle, huh? Well, I guess you two will have to tangle since you know she can't give her hand to both of you.
Yeah, but she's got two of 'em.
[Both giggling.]
Jumpin' Jesus, son! A gal gives her hand to just one fellow.
Now, let me give you boys a little tip.
No one ever got anywhere just waitin' around.
When it comes to women, there's nothing wrong with being a little persistent.
- Uh - Damn it, boys.
If you want that girl's hand, get off your keisters and go get it.
He's right, Beavis.
We've waited long enough.
Yeah, yeah.
Her hand must be rested enough by now.
[Both laughing.]
Boi-oi-oi-oing! OhYoung love.
This is gonna be cool.
[Man chuckles.]
I do see dead people.
I'm Sammie Jo.
I live in Nashville, Tennessee.
I am a psychic medium.
Oh, man! She's a psychic? What's that again? Heh! UhAren't those people who think they can predict the future? Heh.
Oh, yeah.
Toot's.
[Both laughing.]
Toot's.
Squatch.
[Both laughing.]
She's likeEh "I knew you were gonna order chicken wings.
And I predict that I'm gonna eat the rest of 'em.
" Yeah, and I also predict that those curly fries are just gonna get cold.
[Chortling.]
I might as well have those now too.
Yeah.
Ha.
The spirits want you to hand 'em over.
Heh heh heh heh heh.
[Chortling.]
And I also predict that you're broke.
And I'm gonna pay for this meal.
[Both laughing.]
And I predict That you look like a dumbass.
Wait.
That already happened.
So what we talking about? You predict that we'll make it across this bridge.
Whenever I was really, really quiet I was praying.
Jesus said she could do better.
[Chortling.]
Hi.
Upset.
Because you didn't come.
I thought you'd at least show your face, 'cause you know how much it meant to me.
Wait a minute, wait She said, "I thought you'd show your face, but you didn't come," so that means That she predicted he was gonna come, and he didn't! Heh heh heh! She's a lousy psychic.
Heh heh heh.
Yeah.
Everything this woman says is a lie.
I just think that we should end it now before feelings get deeper Yeah.
End it now before you pick your pants away.
[Chortling.]
Please say something.
EhI predict I'm going to be going to Toot's alone.
I'm gonna eat all your chicken wings.
[Both laughing.]
[Crying.]
[Ding dong, ding dong.]
UhHeh heh.
Good day, sir.
[Both laughing.]
UhMay I have your daughter's hand now? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
Uh, okay, look.
I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it's just not gonna happen.
I was just trying to be polite, okay? I don't think my daughter would date either of you, let alone marry you, okay? Who said anything about marriage or dating? Dumbass.
Yeah.
Yeah, really.
Gimme her hand right now! I don't even care which one she uses.
What are you babbling about? Sir, we are proper gentlemen, and we wish for your daughter to use her hand upon us.
We have asked you for her hand in the manner of proper gentlemen.
Yeah.
So you have to now.
- That's the rules.
- You want my daughter-- my sweet little angel to perform--[Stammers.]
You sick little b-- I will kill you! [Both grunting.]
Can I have her hand now? Yeah, can she just choke my chicken? - Ow! Ow! - Uh! Hey, buddy, I don't know where you moved here from, but in this neighborhood, a man keeps his hands to himself.
Yeah, why don't you mind your own [Bleep.]
damn business? I said keep your hands to yourself! Whoa! - Cool.
- Damn it! I'm gonna teach 3 to keep your hands to yourself.
Keep your hands to yourself.
Keep your hands To yourself.
Huh.
It's like all this time I've tried all these things.
And I've waited, and I forgot That I have my own hand.
Heh heh heh.
My own hand.
[Chuckling.]
UhOh, yeah.
The answer was always with us.
[Both laughing.]
God dang it! [Fighting sounds continue, boys laughing.]
Huh-huh.
Abandoned drive-ins kick ass.
Heh, yeah.
[Both laughing.]
I'm gonna throw rocks at the snack bar.
[Both laughing.]
This is gonna be cool.
Huh-huh.
Uh, where is it? Huh-huh.
I thought it was right here.
[Both laughing.]
Maybe they moved the abandoned drive-in somewhere else.
- Uh-- - Heh-heh.
Yeah.
Let's go talk to these people.
Yeah, really.
[Both laughing.]
Yeah, get to the bottom of this.
[Both laughing.]
[Typing sounds.]
[On phone.]
Now, listen to me, very carefully.
I have restarted it five times.
It doesn't work! [Foreign accent.]
Yes, I understand your frustration.
Can you hear me? Uh, please unplug your desktop computer.
It's not the desktop-- Uh, hey.
Where's the abandoned drive-in? [Both laughing.]
Yeah, did you move it? Hey, are you listening to me? Yes, I am sorry.
I have only been working here for a short distance.
Give me your supervisor.
Yes, you need to put headset on.
We have many callers on hold, and we are behinds.
Huh-huh.
You're a behind.
[Both laughing.]
- Yeah, you're all behinds! - Huh-huh.
All of you.
[Both laughing.]
Moved our drive-in.
Yes.
Yes, we are.
Please, sit down.
Um.
Heh-heh.
Okay.
Huh-huh.
Cool.
Huh-huh.
Let's try to get porn.
Yeah, yeah, really.
Heh-heh.
Hi, may I take your order? Heh-heh.
Yeah.
[Phone rings.]
Uh.
- Hello? - [On phone.]
Ah, finally.
I've been on hold for 20 minutes, and before that, I was transferred to someone else, who put me on hold for 1/2 hour.
Now, please don't tell me I'm gonna have to explain everything all over to you again.
Hello? Uh, what? Huh-huh.
[Sighs.]
Don't tell me I'm gonna have to explain everything again.
- Huh-huh.
- Do not put me on hold again.
Do not put me on-- Huh-huh.
Th-th-this is cool.
Huh-huh.
Good afternoon.
My name is Hamid.
Uh, how is the weather in Biloxi? [On phone.]
Come on, man.
I've been on the phone for 1/2 hour! This should be resolved by now.
Yes, sir, I understand your frustration, - yes.
- This is horrible.
I can't stand-- [on phone.]
Yeah, I just want to know how to turn off auto-complete when I type in my password.
Yes, yes.
Heh-heh.
[With fake accent.]
I understand your frustration.
Heh-heh.
Yeah.
Heh-heh.
Did you unplug your computer, ma'am? No.
What does that have to do with anything? I'm sorry, I've only been working here a short distance.
Heh-heh.
How is the weather in Biloxi? How the hell should I know? I live in Cleveland.
I understand your frustration.
Heh-heh.
This is cool.
Heh-heh.
I--I tried that, and, uh, it still didn't work.
And I tried it again but, you know, I still keep getting - the same error thing, and-- - Uh.
- It's really not-- - Do people ever tell you you sound boring on the phone? Huh-huh.
Can you like shut up and tell me how to get this computer to show porn? What? You've gotta be kidding me.
Where's your supervisor? Uh Heh heh huh.
Please just tell me, how do you turn off the frickin' auto-complete feature, because every time I try to sign on to the frickin' Internet-- - You have any matches? - Uh Try setting it on fire! What-- I want your name right now.
My name is Hamid.
Heh-heh.
Spell that! Um, heh, okay, um, heh.
Chameed.
Heh-heh.
Um, heh.
Have you tried kicking it? - Heh-heh.
- [On phone.]
Kick it? - I don't--I don't get it.
- Kick it harder.
Heh.
Yeah, harder! - Kick it, is that like-- - Yes, um, sir, do you see what they are saying? Yes, I do, and if you want to get ahead here, you just listen to these guys.
See, Hamid, our goal is to help the customers, of course.
But if we're on the phone too long, we don't make any money.
We go out of business, and then what will the customers do? I am Hamid.
Heh-heh.
I am Chinese.
Heh-heh.
Yeah.
Do not hang up on me.
Heh-heh.
See that? Keep up the good work, fellas.
Uh, ma'am? Could you, like, say "track ball" again? Huh-huh.
- [On phone.]
Trackball.
- Heh heh heh heh.
Hello, sir.
Um Did you try to unplug your, um-- I mean, uh, do you have any matches? [Both laughing.]
That would be cool.
[All laughing.]
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again You know, I gotta say, I kinda like this song.
EhOkay, Beavis.
Huh-huh.
Sometimes if I'm not feeling too good about myself, I like put this song on and then like put some fireworks in my pants and I start to feel better.
Uh, do you light the fireworks? Well, yeah, yeah, I tried, but every time I put the lighter down there in my pants, it just goes out.
I need longer fuses or something.
Like a longer lighter.
You're a dumbass, Beavis.
You don't have to feel like a waste of space My guidance counselor said that same thing, you know.
That I don't have to feel like a waste of space.
But when Katy Perry says it and she has fireworks coming out of her boobs, kind of, uhKind of gives me a special feeling.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, except Katy Perry's not talking about you, Beavis.
She's talking about that dove model by the pool.
Huh-huh.
You are a waste of space.
Shut up, Butt-Head.
You're more like that part of the song before where she's talking about the plastic bag floating around but like if it floated into a trashcan and then a bunch of stinky homeless dudes - peed all over it-- - Shut up, Butt-Head! [Both laughing.]
You're not a firework.
Damn it, Butt-Head.
Shut up! - Ugh! - Ooh! [Thud.]
I am a firework.
Damn it, Beavis.
I'm an m80.
[Chortling.]
[Muffled phone voice.]
Uh-huh.
Yeah, heh.
Yeah, well, you know it's tough being a single mom, you know.
Heh-heh.
Hey, guys, this guy, he say, "Microsoft.
" It's funny, right? "MicroSoft.
" [All laughing.]
Uh, not bad, Hamid.
[Both laughing.]
Yeah, yeah, you're getting better.
Heh-heh.
Keep up the good work.
[All laughing.]
Heh-heh.
[Phone rings.]
[On phone.]
Thank God.
Please, I need help.
[Alarm sounds.]
We're having some serious problems down here at the power plant.
How do I open in safe-mode? Heh-heh.
Hey, this guy, he say, "safe-mode," heh-heh.
You see.
Heh-heh.
Uh, that's not funny, Hamid.
Yeah, heh-heh.
Yeah, if he doesn't have anything funny to say, hang up on him.
Heh-heh.
Uh, you know what is funny? Tell him to type, I.
C.
U.
P.
Th-that would be cool.
Heh-heh.
Yeah.
[Both laughing.]
Uh, sir.
Uh, please type, I.
.
C.
.
U.
.
P.
[Both laughing.]
That would be cool.
[On phone.]
Really? Okay.
I.
C.
U.
P.
[Alarm sounds.]
Oh, wait, that's worse.
[Both laughing.]
Now I can't even get to the safe-mode screen.
Tell him to butt-plug his computer.
[Both laughing.]
Uh, yes.
And unplug your computer.
I don't even know if I can unplug it.
That's not what I said.
It's pronounced, "butt-plug.
" Huh-huh.
[Porn music.]
Whoa! Lonely, nasty housewives.
Whoa! Hey! Hey, let me see! Let me see! I don't know about this, but it's unplugged.
[On phone.]
What the-- We're having a class four power drain! What the hell did you do? [Power shuts down.]
Hey! Damn it, it's broken! Huh-huh.
And I almost had porn.
Damn it! Heh-heh.
I want to see nasty housewives.
- Heh-heh.
Now! - Yeah.
Heh-heh.
I'm gonna go get this thing fixed.
Hey, he said, "power drain.
" Heh-heh.
Uh, that's not funny.
This isn't really working out, Hamid.
- Huh-huh.
- Yeah.
Yes, b-but I am trying.
Yeah.
Heh-heh.
Yeah, I understand your frustration.
Heh-heh.
Hey, those two guys are lootin' that place.
Let's get stuff before it's all gone! [Tires squeal.]
Both: Whoo! Whoa.
Cool.
- Huh-huh.
- Yeah, yeah! You know, Beavis, this place used to be cool, then it sucked when they put the office there, but now it's cool again.
Heh-heh.
Yeah, yeah.
Heh-heh.
Yeah, that's nice to see.