Duck Dynasty (2012) s08e02 Episode Script

1 - [Godwin.]
Who goes first? - [Jase.]
Me.
- You ready for this? - Yeah.
- What are you doing? - That's ten.
Man, you rigged this.
- No, I didn't.
You got any fives? - Yeah, you did.
You can't shuffle and then go first.
That's that's against the rules.
Well, he don't know how to shuffle.
- Oh it's my turn? All right.
- Yeah.
- What you got? - I got five.
- It don't work like that.
- [Jase.]
Dingleberry.
You don't add them up and put that in there.
Now you've exposed your hand.
In this family, a game of dominoes is not something we take lightly.
Our version can get pretty rowdy.
- Ten.
- I wish you'd quit doing that.
[Laughs.]
The margin of victory can be determined on how hard you are slamming the dominoes.
What are you doing? I've seen hands broken.
- Ten down.
- Stop it.
Tables shattered.
Twenty.
I've seen people cry.
Quit it.
Men and women.
- [Jep.]
Whoa! - [Godwin laughs.]
That was awesome.
I love it.
It's a lot quieter without Si.
- [Jase.]
Yeah it is.
- He's a noisemaker.
[Jep.]
Speaking of noisemakers, Willie tell me they're gonna have a pre-4th of July party.
- What does that mean? - They're not gonna be in town 4th of July, so they're gonna have an early 4th of July.
I mean, if you're gonna do something twice it may as well be the 4th of July.
That means there's two barbeques.
That means there's two explosions.
Two sets of watermelon.
Getting two grills going.
- Twice the desserts.
- You're gonna need more than two.
Cheesecake.
Strawberries on top of it.
Are you talking about strawberry shortcake? Yeah, I'll take that too.
Hey, I hate to interrupt this exciting game.
You have a huge package.
Huh? I mean, it's taking up the entire driveway.
Somebody dropped a package off? In the driveway.
- What did you get me, babe? - Oh, I didn't do this.
I can tell it when you're not telling the truth.
I promise you I did not do this.
But that's what you would say if you did it.
Maybe it's Legos.
- Huh? - Hey, let's go see.
- Come see it.
- Babe, you got me a gift? There's no holiday where I would give you a present.
- It's just Come on.
- Let's go see what she got you.
- [Scoffs.]
- All right.
- [Godwin grunts.]
- Put your dominoes in front of you.
Hate winning dominoes.
I can't believe you got me a present, babe.
I did not get you this.
[Theme music.]
[Ducks quacking.]
You know what this is? I would love to know.
Fireworks.
This is fireworks from Kansas City because I did that community project.
They didn't pay you money? This is better than money.
This is the gift that goes boom.
When it comes to fireworks - [makes sizzling sounds.]
- Hey.
[Trilling.]
Boom.
- [Makes explosion noises.]
- Boom.
Bop-bop-bop-bop.
I mean, what can you really say? [Both make explosion sounds.]
- I'm trying.
- [Short sizzling sounds.]
They pretty much speak for themselves.
[Explosion noise.]
There's always one.
- What in the world? - Here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna test the explosives and then come up with a display for Willie's party.
You can't do that right here.
Y'all crazy? - Light it.
- Just light it.
No.
There's trees everywhere.
You have to do this in, like, a field or something.
- We got to sample it.
- So we can actually light these? - No.
- Yeah.
You think the HOA came down on burning leaves, wait till you light some of these up.
So you're saying we can actually light these now? - No.
Heck no.
- You know what they're gonna do? They're gonna come down here and watch.
You cannot do these in the yard.
All right, look.
We will not light it in the front yard.
Are you happy? - You promise? - I promise.
- Not the backyard either.
- Not the backyard.
- Okay.
- Then we'll have some fireworks later, - me and you.
- Only if you don't light them - here in the yard.
- I give you my word.
- Behave.
- This is gonna be an awesome pre-4th of July celebration.
Hey, you heard the woman.
Let's tear into these things.
[Al.]
All right, Si.
It's your day.
We call you sergeant.
All right.
That's Sergeant Si to you Al.
It's amazing that 24 years in the army and he can't take orders.
How does that How do you even do that? Look, I don't take orders except from a commander.
- Okay.
- You don't take orders from me.
I know.
Civilian rankings do not matter.
- I'm your boss.
- Hey, don't matter.
- Hey, guys.
- What about it? - How are y'all doing? - Doing good.
Now you run this joint? I do and we're so honored to have you here thank you for your service.
Thank you for having us - and honoring our Uncle Si.
- Well thank you for being here.
- Yeah, we're excited.
- Of course.
He's a hero.
Yeah.
He's some kind of hero all right.
For this year's 4th of July, our local VA has decided to honor Uncle Si's military service by giving him his own exhibit at the Chennault Military and Aviation museum.
Do you have a section on mental health in there? - Is that why you put him in the museum? - [Nell.]
Well And since today is Si's day to be honored for his service - All right, maggot.
- You're the maggot.
- Why am I the maggot? - Because.
no matter how crazy or insulting he gets, I'm just gonna let it go.
I'd like to have you for about a two weeks.
You would drop 50 pounds the first day.
Plus, I don't want to be on the receiving end of one of his flashbacks.
Do y'all know much about this helicopter? Yeah, I remember those.
Hey, they're a piece of junk.
- This is a Loach helicopter.
- Loach? The rudeness call Loach: "Okay look, on the approach it's just like a roach.
" - Loach.
- Si, you're just rhyming words.
No, I ain't rhyming words.
It's like a roach coach.
You know what I'm talking about? Have you ever tried to kill a cockroach? What? Sergeant Si, would you like to step up in there? Hey, I thought I would never hear them words.
All right, private, you're driving.
Come on.
Si, it's kind of small.
Hey, go ahead, open the door.
Crawl over.
- Can they really get in this thing? - Oh, yeah, baby.
I'm a little claustrophobic.
No.
Go ahead and get in there, son.
- [AI groans.]
- Put that on.
You're gonna need that.
- Oh, boy.
- Back up, maggot.
We don't want the blades to hit you.
This is 'Nam, maggot.
You need to get right! Hey look, Willie don't know anything about military history, okay? I don't know why he's yelling at me.
Hey, you're libel to leave this earth today! Hey, these things is a little tight, Nell.
Hey Willie thinks mustard gas is what happens when you eat too many hot dogs.
Crank the engines up, boys.
Si, why are you yelling? Hey, I'm doing it because the engine make a bunch of racket.
To Willie, hey, the Battle of the Bulge that means his daily struggle to put his pants on in the morning.
Aren't you gonna get in it? Nah.
I'm not getting in that thing.
Yeah, you look like you're all right there, mama's boy.
Hey, look, he couldn't even make it through the scrub scouts, okay? - Shut the door, boys.
Lift off.
- Okay, now I'm getting claustrophobic.
All right, he's getting claustrophobic, open the door.
I'm sure one of these will fire it up.
Let's see.
That's for the radio, generator out.
Bypass air, oil chips Oil chips? - No, not that one.
- [Al.]
I'm getting queasy.
There are no barf bags in this helicopter.
Suck it up, private.
Are you feeling a little claustrophobic up there? I think I'm gonna throw up.
That's the reason a man carries a.
45.
Shoot the man that's fixing to throw up.
- [Al.]
Abort.
- [Si.]
Set this puppy down.
[Willie.]
Are you sure you want to have a Si exhibit? - Whoa.
- Whoa.
- Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! [Jase.]
All right.
For outdoor use only.
We're good there.
Do not hold in hand.
- No hand.
- You'll burn your hand off.
But it does say "shoots flaming fireballs.
" - [Both.]
Hmm - Oh, that's good.
- Hey, bottle rockets.
- Oh, yeah.
- Give me one.
- [Jase.]
When we were kids, we used to have bottle rocket wars.
All right.
I'm gonna set one of these off.
I've been blowing up things my entire life.
Everybody would have an old bottle where you take your bottle rockets Hey, you're not listening to my story.
I'm not listening to anything you say.
So if there's anyone that can design a fireworks display for Willie's party, it's me.
We would run and you would shoot at human beings.
- I know it.
Give me that lighter.
- How did I live? Where's the lighter? We are on the brink of creating one of the greatest fireworks displays imaginable.
- What in the world? - [Jep laughs.]
[Godwin.]
Whoa.
Jason Silas.
- Hey.
- [Jep.]
Uh-oh.
Ohh I thought I said no fireworks in the front yard.
These two guys are the one that lit it and I didn't even know he was gonna do it.
These things light themselves really.
- I could have been shot.
- This is not a good place to test it.
HOA.
Does that ring a bell? They need to take that up with Uncle Sam.
Then they can take it up with Captain America.
- We are endowed by our creator.
- Oh, gosh, here we go.
All right.
It's all on you.
It's all on you.
Inalienable rights.
- I'm out.
- [Jase.]
Among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't get us kicked out of the neighborhood.
Babe, fireworks makes us happy.
[Jep.]
Captain 'Merica.
[Nell.]
This plane actually flew in Vietnam.
It was one of the main bombers in Vietnam.
Look here, it ain't no telling how many missions that plane right there flew on the Ho Chi Minh trail.
Si, you know, when I was a kid I seriously thought about being a fighter pilot.
You couldn't have been no fighter pilot.
I could have been a fighter pilot.
I had 20-20 vision.
I look cool in sunglasses.
Plus, he had a need for speed, boys.
Highway to my danger zone Just cause you know "highway to the danger zone" doesn't make you a pilot.
Hey look, he could have been a pilot there, maggot.
Can I get up in the cockpit on that one? Sure, go ahead.
Oh, boy.
I don't think you need to get in the cockpit, but you can sure look in it.
- Okay, boys, let's look.
- Don't tear anything up.
Hey, you couldn't come up here.
You see the weight capacity? You overrule it.
Good grief, no way! You need to see what's on the other side of this thing.
I'm serious.
Come over here.
That right there is what you call an "Army Deuce and a Half.
" - Is that one you drove? - Yeah, just like that.
Hey, this brings back some good memories.
You know it's kind of like, hey, you drive along, you stop in town somewhere and hey, guess what? Hey.
Here's a long-time girlfriend.
You know, years back, high school sweetheart.
- Nell, does that thing run? - Sure.
Is it all right if I drive around a little bit? Why not.
- No, Nell, that's a bad idea.
- What are you talking about? - You don't want to do that.
- Hey, I'll be right down.
We're gonna take that puppy for a spin.
And hey, you recognize her and you say, "Good grief, how are you, you old heifer? Yeah, it's good seeing you.
" All right, Private Al, jump in the right seat there, son.
You stay here, maggot.
If you call me maggot one more time Hey, drop and give me 25.
"Hey look, I bet you don't probably purr like a kitten anymore.
How about we take a ride for old time's sake anyway?" - [Engine starts.]
- All right.
Hey maggot, make sure Miss Nell don't get run over there.
Hi-ho soldier, away.
Are you sure you're good with him driving that? I mean, he could run over somebody.
I hope not.
I think that's top speed.
Now don't pull out in front Ooh! Oh, boy.
- [Gears grinding.]
- Uh-oh.
- Get out of the road, you idiot! - [Honks horn.]
Si, watch out for that curb.
Watch out for that Oh, I got the curb.
Hey.
[Shouts.]
[Birds chirping.]
[Si.]
[Al.]
[Jep.]
Fire it up.
This is about as profesh as it gets.
What? Profesh.
Professional.
Look.
Setting off fireworks is about timing.
It'll be one, two, three on the light.
You don't go one, two, three, then light.
One, two.
- Light.
- [Jase.]
Ignition.
All right.
And the best way to get the timing right is to use a good fuse system.
One And once it's designed two All you got to do is light the fuse.
three.
Which any idiot can do.
Oh no.
[Jase.]
Godwin! [Jep.]
Don't put mine out.
There you go.
- [Laughs triumphantly.]
- [Jase.]
Fireballs.
- Yours broke in half.
- Fireballs.
[Godwin.]
Ahh! [Jase.]
Too fast, too fast.
I won.
You don't want to go fast on this one, you want to go slow.
- That looks cool.
- Mine's fast.
- Yeah.
Look.
- Oh look, squeakers.
- [Jep.]
The other one's coming boys.
- [Jase.]
Here it goes.
Kabloosh! [High-pitched whistling.]
Oh, hey.
Whistlers.
Whistlers.
[Whistles along with firecracker.]
- That's all.
- I expected more.
- [Jase.]
I did too.
- Here we go.
Saving the best for last.
That's what's happening.
If we use that fuse it's gonna be July 5th before it goes off.
We can't use that.
Come on baby, come on.
Come on, come on.
There it is.
It's fixing to go, it's fixing to go.
- Anticipation's killing me.
- [Godwin.]
There it is! What about that? [Jase.]
That's not a squeaker.
That was kind of a dud.
That was the crescendo.
[Jase.]
You need to give those to some kids.
[Nell.]
Welcome to the Chennault Aviation Military Museum.
We have all wars from World War I through Iraqi Freedom represented here.
But of course this museum is a little bit different because we honored the men who served and not just the wars themselves.
And we are here to have the unveiling of the Silas Merritt Robertson exhibit.
[Cheering.]
My place in a museum, you know, that's, uh You know, I'm really worthy to be in a museum.
I didn't do nothing extraordinary, okay? I give to you the Silas Meritt Robertson exhibit.
[Cheering.]
[Si.]
But then I got to thinking about it.
Everybody should be in a museum, okay, that served.
You know, that's my take on it.
First and foremost, okay, I'm looking at the audience, okay, and there's a lot of fellow soldiers out there, okay? Appreciate every one of you, your service.
This is kind of a humbling thing, okay, because as a child growing up, my heroes were military men and women.
My picture in there, that's every one of you.
When they see me, they see every private, okay? Every soldier that's ever served.
To actually have anything with my name on it in a military museum, to say I'm blown away is an understatement.
The military was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I actually kind of grew up a little bit, okay.
And with that said, look, I want to say a prayer for our veterans, okay? Everybody bow with me if you would.
Father, we come to you now and, uh, I would like to lift up all those that served in our military and especially those that don't make it back.
But for those that do make it back, Father, please help us to do a better job of trying to help them heal their mind, their body and their soul.
Because we've sent them off to war, Father.
They've done their part.
And Father, I ask this through Jesus, our savior.
Amen.
[All.]
Amen.
Hey look, we got one thing left, okay.
4th of July celebration and I'm giving the kids Deuce and a Half rides.
- [Crowd groans.]
- [Si.]
Oh, yeah! I'm giving kids Deuce and a Half rides.
All they want.
Excuse me.
The Deuce and a Half will be running, kids.
[Willie.]
Does he still have the keys? [Korie.]
Godwin, how much of that watermelon are you eating today? Hm, I don't know.
We blew a bunch of them up, so maybe one.
You blew a bunch of them up? All right, everybody bring it in.
- [Godwin.]
Got any more? - [Korie.]
No.
[Jase.]
Take a knee if you want to.
All right, I have prepared a subtle combustible form of entertainment in celebration of July 4th.
- Whoo-hoo.
- Whoo-hoo.
For this fireworks display, I've taken every firework and black powder that we had left You sure you know what you're doing, Jase? Oh, yeah.
I got this covered.
and assembled the dream fireworks display.
Everything has been tested and found to be very explosive yet safe.
Safety first, boys.
Si, you're the most dangerous person I know.
- What are you talking about? - You make your own napalm.
That's right.
Always safety first, boys, okay.
- That makes sense.
- No, it makes good sense.
- All right - [Si.]
Safety first, okay.
This display is gonna be such a monster, it'll probably give the kids nightmares in a good way.
If anything happens to me, I wanna be buried at sea.
Jase, I see the fireworks.
It ain't gonna be that big of a deal.
I'm just saying, just you never know.
Hey, go ahead and light the fuse dummy.
I want to see how fast you can run.
All right here we go.
- Boom! - [All laugh.]
Hey, we know how Jase loves a little danger.
I'm trying to put a little danger into this thing for him.
[Jase.]
Let there be light.
Whoa! - [All shout.]
- Run for your life! [Excited chattering.]
- [Fireworks whistling.]
- Ahh! [Miss Kay.]
Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, yeah! - [Excited chatter continues.]
Finally! I said the ducks are running, boys.
Yep, mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
- We're getting somewhere now.
- [Jase.]
Wait for it.
The big finish, boys.
[Jase.]
Wait for it! - [Missy.]
They're making some noise.
- Oh, is that it? Oh, good gravy.
- That's it.
- [Missy.]
That's all that was left? - That's it.
- [Godwin.]
Crescendo.
- We kind of got carried.
- We had a little fun.
- A little? - [Si.]
This is the worst fireworks show - I've ever been to.
- Well, thanks for watching the show.
[Missy.]
Good job, babe.
All right, I've got an announcement myself.
We have another fireworks show.
[All cheer.]
If that was the Little River show, this will be the Godwin.
[All.]
Ooh! [Jessica.]
It's gonna bring the house down.
[Si.]
Hey, it's about time we got a real fireworks display around this joint.
[Willie.]
Yeah, this one I warned the fire department we were doing.
[Phil.]
Ooh! From the looks of Jase's little sparkler show, you'd think this was my family's first 4th of July.
Let me show you all how to do a fireworks show.
Jase may not know how to celebrate, but I sure do.
And I want to make this extra special because of Si being honored for his service.
Burn it down.
Burn it down.
I like it.
Maybe we shouldn't go that far.
What better way to celebrate both our nation and our crazy uncle than with an ungodly amount of explosives.
- [Willie.]
All right, here we go.
- [Korie.]
Whoo! All right let's see this.
[Excited chatter.]
[Willie.]
July 4th is the time of year when we celebrate the birth of our country and the basic principle it was founded on: Freedom.
That includes the freedom to say what we want.
Like your uncle calling you a maggot.
Or the freedom to do what we want.
Like setting off a crate full of fireworks.
And for this year's 4th, we had the opportunity to celebrate the protectors of our freedom.
Thank you to all who have served to protect this great country and God bless America on this great day.
- [All exclaim.]
- [Godwin.]
Booyah! - There's some napalm for ya, boys.
- [Willie.]
That ain't napalm, Si.
[Si.]
Hey, at ease there, maggot.