That '70s Show s08e02 Episode Script

Previously on That 70's Show Wow, uhm you're gonna take a job and move to Chicago ? Well, I'm willing to give it all up and stay here with you.
But if I do that, I need to know we're gonna get married.
Well I don't know what to say right now She took the job in Chicago and she left this morning.
Check check check, no one can see us doing it from the parking loAAAAHHH ! You're dead ! I'm NUDE ! Mrs.
Forman, what a great idea making a tape to send to Eric in Africa ! Oh please, I am full of great ideas ! When he went to camp, I sent him a huge card with my face on it that says "Mommy loves you".
Well it made him miss me so much he begged to come home the very next day.
Ah yes, the summer of a thousand wedgies Eric is gonna be so excited to hear some familiar voices.
OH ! I do Porky Pig Hababadahababada, that is all people ! Is Hyde here ?! No Michael, you're safe.
We still haven't heard from Steven since he left Chicago a month ago.
I don't know what I'm doing here.
Hyde could show up any minute and kick my ass.
I really need a soda cause I just ate a whole bunch of salt.
Why is it so good ? I don't know, why don't you ask Hyde, he is right behind you HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ! It's not even funny ! Okay then, let's start the tape Hi Eric, it's your mother.
I'm here with Donna and Fez.
Hi honey ! Thank you for the postcard with the monkeys.
I'm still bananas about you too ! Okay, let's see, where to start well your father and I were furious when we caught you boys in that smokey basement.
The minute you left the airport we went down there to do what the Fed's call 'a sweep' How dare you boys smoke up my house when you know how hard I work to keep it smelling lemony-fresh ! You morons just hung vacancy-signs on your asses ! And my foot is looking for a room ! - Here it is ! - Here it is ! TWO bags ? I've never seen those before in my life ! Your son has a real problem ! Kitty, I want you to take this garbage and flush it down the toilet ! I am just glad that we caught you boys before this became an every day thing ! Is that all of it ? Yes sir, that's all of it.
Now there is nothing left for us to do but to smoke Candyland.
I mean, I mean play Canysmoke I mean Aiii no ! And so I flushed it all down the toilet and everyone learned a lesson Why don't you tell Eric what else happened ? - Oeh let me, let me ! - Give me that ! I'll tell him Kitty ! I found another one ! Kitty ? What the hell ?! What do you have to say for yourself ?! I'm STARVING ! That 70's Show - Saison 8 Episodes 01 et Traduction par Yvan et Merci à "site source" I still can't believe Red caught you in the bathroom with the guys stash.
Someone is getting a tye-dyed apron for their birthday ! No, I just I wanted to see what all the hubbub was about.
I mean I was skeptical about tupperware and that was lifechanging ! Anyway Eric, I suffered the consequences, your father gave me a very stern talking to.
Kitty when we got married, we took a vow.
To be together through sickness and in health.
But nobody said anything about what to do if your wife turns into a dope fiend ! You're a nurse for God's sake ! You know this stuff is bad news ! Bad news isn't the half of it ! Here are the facts: when the smoke hits the brain, the cells start dying.
This process causes impaired judgement and hallucinations and a lot of other wonderful things Is it Eric going away ? Is that why you used this stuff ? Kitty, if you were feeling blue, you didn't have to turn to drugs ! I would have made you a Martini ! What's so damn funny ?! Is it the big head thing ? I hardly felt a thing.
You ate a whole box of uncooked spaghetti.
Anyway Eric, the day you left, Steven went to Chicago to see Jackie .
.
when he got there, he walked in on Jackie and Kelso who were about to Get busy.
Have sex Doooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit ! Kelso told us the whole story when he got back the next day.
No, hardly anything happened okay.
Jackie asked me to stay cause she was lonely.
The next thing you know, I'm naked.
And then Hyde shows up and kicks me out the door and so I had to drive all the way back here in this dress that I found.
All the truckers were flashing their lights and honking their horns.
It was pretty great.
Man Hyde is gonna kick your ass.
I know.
I gotta get out of here before someone kicks the crap out of me YOU JERK ! HEY hey ! Watch the face ! That's the paycheck ! Jackie, aren't you supposed to be in Chicago ?! Well I'm here to get Steven back.
Uhh, where is he ? Oh he's not here.
He took off after he caught you two about to DOOOO IIIIIT ! Oh my God, this is horrible.
I quit my job, I lost my boyfriend.
My whole life is ruined.
Jackie, I'm really sorry about what happened.
I never meant to come between you and Hyde.
Let me ask you one question, are we back together or not ? Oh you are just as dumb as ever ! Okay, you know you can insult me all you want but just answer the question ! NO ! No you won't answer the question ?! Why not ? Because we're not together ! THAT'S the reason you won't answer the question ?! NOOOOOO ! THEN WHAT'S THE REASON ? .
.
and that went on for abouthalf an hour.
Oh hey Kitty.
I need to borrow some butter or oil.
Pretty much anything greasy.
Are you cooking ? Nope, tanning.
Hey, what's up with the tape recorder ? Oh, I'm making a tape to send to Eric.
Here, - say hi ! - Don't give him the microphone ! What's new pussycat What's new pussy.
.
Ai Donna ! Boo ! Boo ! Dad, just say something normal.
Normal doesn't put asses in the seats Donna.
For the last time, there are no seats anywhere around here ! Oh Red honey, here, say something to Eric ! I'd love to Son, I was out in the garage the other day.
I looked down and I saw your old baseball mitt.
And it made me think what I always think.
What a waste of money Actually Eric, you leaving was very hard on your father.
The next day he just sat around, moping.
I feel like dancing ! By the way Eric, we gave some of your toys to the church ! Give up Eric ? That's a deck of cards hitting a bottle of soy sauce.
Eric, please come home.
You have no idea how much I miss you.
I miss you too honey.
I don't think I'll be happy until I see you again.
Hey.
STEVEN'S HOME ! Okay Miss Kitty, he doesn't like to be hugged ! Don't you ever leave me again ! I spilled my sodaHiiiiiii.
I don't know what to say man.
What about "Ow" ? Why would I say ow ? I get it ! Eric, Steven just hit Michael.
And while I'm very disappointed in Steven for hitting Michael, it was very exciting ! Come on man, get up.
Why ? So you can deck me again ? Actually I'm fine now.
Everything I wanted to say was in that one punch.
Come on It was a good one too.
Peed myself a little on the way down.
I'm gonna go change Hyde, where have you been ? Uh I've been hanging out in Las Vegas my man.
And I've learned this: you don't wanna show up late to a Don Rickles Show with puffy hair.
Well, you could have let us know where you were.
I was worried sick about you and I am very I got you this A little tiny slotmachine ! It is so cute Steven you're back ! Look, we have to talk.
About what ? How you nailed Kelso ? No, about our relationship.
Oh okay.
I'll startYou nailed Kelso ! You never gave me a chance to explain ! BECAUSE YOU NAILED KELSO ! Mrs.
Forman, start taping ! Eric loves it when he screams at her ! Steven I never even slept with Michael.
Yeah right because Kelso is always showing up at my hotelroom naked with a bucket of ice.
You know this is your fault too.
Okay you two, just stop yelling ! Go ahead.
No forget it.
Well I guess that's that.
Well that was horrible.
I know.
Where the hell is my little tiny slotmachine Red can you please just do me a favour and tell Eric you miss him a little ? Oh fine.
Give me the thing Eric, this is a little hard for me cause I'm not real emotional but I wanted to tell you that you GI Joe's were killed.
In the great Dumpster-war of 1979 Well your meatloaf was lost in the great "Make-your-own-dinner-war" of 19-TODAY ! Well Eric, now that I have a second, I should catch you up on your new friend Charlie.
Okay.
Who brought the beer ? I thought you were bringing the beer.
No, you were bringing beer, I was chips.
YOU'RE bringing beer, I was chips.
Fine.
Give me the chips.
I forgot the chips.
You guys How much do we love this guy ? He's a prince ! Charlie, it is so awesome hanging out with you.
Ah thanks guys, it feels so good to finally belong to something you know.
It's like the first day of the rest of my life ! THE BEER ! That was a pretty awkward landing I hope he's okay.
Of course he's okay.
It's not like anyone ever died falling off the watertower.
And so they renamed it the Charlie Richardson Memorial Watertower.
Jackie, Hyde just needed to blow off some steam, you guys aren't over.
Well if you won't talk to me, then maybe you'll talk to Mr.
Fluffycakes Jackie ! My magical horn senses that you're sad and you need someone to talk to ! Great.
Now he can't hear you Hey Jackie.
Oh, what do you want ? Man, I feel really bad about the way things turned out.
You and Hyde should be together okay.
Go talk to him.
Look there is no point okay.
I'm starting to think Steven never really wanted to be with me at all.
This must be how ugly people feel all the time.
I wouldn't know about the ugly thing.
But I do know that he does wanna be with you.
Why else would he drive all the way to Chicago to propose to you ? Wait, what ?! Oh my God ! Steven was gonna propose ?! I have to find him ! Tell you what, that's the last time I wanna mess around with a girl with a boyfriend.
Kelso, your hand is on my butt.
Come on he's in Africa ! You know Red, it really upset me this afternoon when you wouldn't say anything nice to Eric.
Well I can see how that would surprise you, what with nice things always bubbling out of my mouth.
Well it would just mean a lot to me to hear you say how you feel.
Don't you even miss him ? Well let's say I did.
I still wouldn't feel comfortable saying it on tape.
Well would it kill you just to say it to me here in private ? Oh fine ! I miss him ! Of course I miss him.
He's my son Why do you always make me say things ?! Yeah I should be in the FBI.
So anyway Forman, ramble on, keep on keeping on, most of all my friend, rock on.
You know, I never used to understand that hippie-jargon, but ever since my "bathroom-experiment", I'm cool man ! Oeh, let me just give you two some privacy Hey.
Hey.
Steven I am so sorry about what happened in Chicago.
I was alone and I thought I lost you.
Yeah well, I can see why you thought that.
Look why didn't you tell me sooner you wanted to get married ? Because I wasn't sure I wanted to.
And now that I've thought about it, I'm right, I'm not ready to be married yet.
Yet ? Oh, okay.
Well there you have it Eric, Steven's not ready to get married yet.
Hi I'm looking for HYDE ! Hey baby ! HeySam.
Who the hell is that ?! This is Sam.
She's a st exotic dancer I met in Vegas.
I'm sorry, what are you doing here ? You don't remember ? We got married.
- OH MY GOD ! - WHAT ? One more thing Eric, Steven married a stripper ! Being up here makes me think of my poor friend Billy.
His name was Charlie you cantaloup.
Kelso you've fallen off this thing like ten times.
It's so scary to think you could haveyou know, like, met the same fate as Charlie.
Yeah.
It's like we go through our lives like thinking we're invincible right, but the truth is we're totally 'vincible THUD SCREW THAT ! I'M INVINCIBLE ! Oh my God, what did I do You married a Las Vegas stripper.
Congratulations.
With Eric gone, you're the town dumbass ! Steven, how could you get married and not remember ? It's not like forgetting where you left your keys or where you parked your car or your tenth anniversary Kitty that was thirteen years ago ! Fifteen.
Has it been that long ? I don't know what happened, I mean, Samantha and I hung out for three weeks, and then one night we got really drunk and I remember waking up with a killer hangover, thinking I better get out of Vegas before I'd do something stupid So close ! Here are some pictures of our wedding We found this beautiful little chapel called "Weddings and Waffles".
We got married by an Elvis impersonator ?! Oeh and look at his name ! Elvis Priestly.
Isn't that clever ? Wow, that must have been some wedding.
It's not too often that you see the bride jump out of her own cake.
Oh man, it's starting to come back to me.
I remember seeing a cross and an altar.
But I thought I was having that Excorcist-dream again.
WHERE'S THE STRIPPER ? THERE SHE IS ! THERE IS A STRIPPER IN THE KITCHEN ! AM I YELLING ? I CAN'T HELP IT ! OOOOOOH HYDE YOU MARRIED A STRIPPER I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH You must be Kelso.
I'm Samantha Hyde Oh my God, you took my name ?! Oh Steven, you look like you're about to throw up ! Here, use Eric's 'whoopsie' basin.
Aim for the Snoopy.
I got the get out of here.
I'm gonna go to the record store.
Well Hyde, you're freakin' out man.
You married a stripper ! You're living every guys dream ! Well not my dream, my dream is always the same, monkey gives me the finger and flaps his lips at me and takes off with my clothes.
Trust me, you don't wanna live that dream.
What's the store doing closed in the middle of the day ? Maybe it's Rosh Hashanah.
Hey dude, pull up a pillow.
Leo, what the hell did you do with my record store ? Record store ? You know now that you mention it, this place would make an awesome record store.
I left you in charge and you turned my store into a hippy den for your stoner friends ?! That's not true man.
I don't know any of these people.
Leo, I'm not in the mood for this today.
Just get these people out of here alright.
I'll be in my office Leo there is an ORGY in my office ! I can't the boys from the girls it's hair everywhere ! Man.
This is no way to spend Rosh Hashanah.
I can't believe Hyde.
I mean he completely broke Jackie's heart.
Who just goes and marries a stripper ? What are you, dense ? Anybody who can, that who.
Okay, get dressed.
We're going out.
But it doesn't really matter what you wear, because everyone is gonna be looking at me.
But don't wear that.
Wow Jackie.
After everything you've been through with Hyde, you come here and insult me ?! You're all better ! Well I'm not gonna sit around moping.
I'm gonna do what every woman does when they hit rock bottom.
You're going to have sex with me ?! No.
I'm going to go out and meet some boys, and crush their hearts one by one.
You know Donna, Eric is in Africa.
Must be close to hitting rock bottom Not really.
How long has a boy have to wait before one of floosies hits rock bottom ? Oh.
Samantha.
You're painting your toes in the kitchen.
That's funny because I was just making meatloaf in the bathroom.
Sorry.
Hyde told me how much he likes painted toes.
He told me some other things that he liked but I said: Hey I'm a stripper not a contortionist.
Well isn't that just more then a mother wants to hear.
Okay so, I'm curious.
What is your act like ? Do you sing ? No I just dance.
Oh.
Well when I was younger, I took tap.
Do you do tap ? No funny that you should mention it, I strip to taps ! You mean the song they play when an army man dies ?! Yeah.
It's my tribute to our armed forces.
I wave the American flag and then for the big finish, I give a salute and the I smack my fanny Sorry I No I'm sorry.
This thing has a mind of it's own Red, I'm not sure how I feel about having a stripper stay in our home.
It's, what's the word, an abomination ! I don't think Steven even knew what he was doing when he married her.
It sounds like he was as schnockered as you were on St.
Patricks Day.
Okay well that green punch sneaks right up on you ! I think Steven has made a huge mistake.
But what are we gonna do ? Kick Sam out ? Oh we will do no such thing.
You will ! Oh fine.
But the next time you hit a deer, you're the one putting it out of it's misery with it's tyre iron ! Well well, another day in the life of Point Place police officer.
I just confiscated a whole box of lighters, paraphernalia and illegal substances ice work officer.
Now we're hooked up for two months.
So what do we do now Man I think I have to fire Leo.
He almost put me out of business.
Just wish there was a good way to do it This is definitely gooder.
Gooder ? Yeah that's a word.
Leo, I left you in charge of the store and you let me down man.
So I'm sorry to have to say you're fired man ! I think the word you're looking for is 'fried' man And I am.
No no man I mean you're fired.
That's even funnier man ! And I totally deserve it.
Yeah and you're under arrest too ! What ?! I'm just kidding.
These handcuffs don't even work, look wait, these are the ones that DO work Hey, I saw this Help Wanted sign outside.
You still looking ? Errrrr, Leo were you trying to hire somebody ? You know yesterday I was having a hard time opening up a jar of pickles so I put the Help Wanted sign up.
Too late man, I found something else to eat.
Why do they make the lid so tight ? It's just pickles ! So you're not hiring ? That's a bummer.
Cause I gotta say, if this is your idea of a staff meeting, I'd work my butt off ! What the hell man, I'm in a giving mood right now.
You can have the job and do all the work that Leo wasn't doing.
And Leo I can't fire you man.
You're too awesome.
New guy, you're hired.
Leo you're not fired, jobs for everyone.
Well that was hard but it had to be done.
Wow Jackie, that is quite an outfit.
Does it come with a pimp ? Donna, this is my man-catcher dress ! It is scientifically designed to make men want me, while at the same time knowing they could never really have me.
Oh everyone loves a tease Oh he is cute and smiling ! I'm gonna go and make him wish he was dead ! Can I ask you a question ? Yes, I'm available.
But not to you ! HA ! BURN ! Oh my God that was so much fun, I wanna do another one ! Actually I just wanted to know your hot blond friend's name Oh I don't have a hot blond friend.
I'm just here with Fez and Donna.
Donna ? Thanks ! Wait, wait, what, you like Donna ?! She reads books for fun ! Hi, I'm Mark.
Wow, you have one of the prettiest smiles I've ever seen.
Oh thank you ! Well the secret is to brush with baking soda ! Actually I was talking to Donna.
Wow, you are just gorgeous.
Really ? Yeah you know Donna means 'lady' in Italian.
And Belladonna means 'fine lady', and you, you are definitely one fine lady.
What's Italian for 'keep going' ? Wanna play a little pool ? Oh I'm sorry I can't.
I have a boyfriend.
He's in Africa.
Well he is just missing out on how beautiful you look.
La mia fiora bella.
Italian ! Can you believe that ?! Ah don't worry.
You still got me.
Hi, I'm Kim.
Dance with me.
So long lame-o ! Hey Samantha, you should have seen your dopey husband today.
He was supposed to fire Leo, but then he wussed out and hired a new guy too.
It's like the time I went to break up with this chick and I ended up doing it with her AND her mom.
I understand why you couldn't fire anyone.
On the outside you're rough and cynical, but underneath is all you're just a sweet curly-haired boy who likes to be tickled.
Really ?! Kelso, if you try to tickle me, I swear to God I rip off your arm and tickle the bloody hole with your own hand.
You'll figure out what to do honey, you have great instincts.
You have a great butt too, but that's a whole other thing She is awesome.
Hey Sam, let me ask you a question about being a stripper.
Can I see your boobs ? Oh Samantha.
You're here.
Did Red talk to you by any chance ? Mr.
Forman ? No.
Why ? Oh.
Well.
Uhhm.
"What's that ? Be right there Eric !" Then my psychiatrist said the reason I always want sex is because I never got apporoval from my parents so I'm trying to find it somewhere else.
Do you think he's right ? Dear God I hope so ! Who does that guy think he is rejecting me like that ?! I am the hottest girl here ! Right Fez ? Hey you ! Mark is it ? Yeah.
I don't know where you're from.
But I'll have you know, I am the catch of Point Place.
That's true.
That's how she signed my yearbook.
Ah come back here ! Nobody ignores Jerky Backhart ! I am adorable ! I am engaging and I'm DAMN likeable.
And if you're too stupid to see that, then I feel sorry for you ! Cause if anyone should be the center of attention here, it's me.
Jackie ! Get off me ! What the hell is a "boobs out" ? Okay, your turn ! Ah Samantha, there you are, good.
Hi Mr.
Forman.
I was just unpacking.
Aren't these cute ? Oh ! I mean you can't tell like this.
You have to picture them like this Plus they hold dollar bills better then anything I own.
I'm going upstairs to find you a wallet ! Hey Randy, come here.
I want to talk to you.
Yeah sure, but check this out first See these guys over there ? They think Leo is an Almond brother.
- Why would they think that ? - I told them ! Wow, Leo is an Almond brother ?! Yeah man.
We were overstocked with Almond Brothers albums.
So I figured meeting one of the guys of the band would put people in a buying mood.
And it totally worked ! And Leo's up for this ? Oh he has no idea what is going on.
I meanat all.
He's really out of it.
You know now that you mention it, if we give him a hat and some sunglasses we could probably use him to move some ZZ Top ! Yeah.
Your friend here might be pretty enough to pass of as Cher.
Yeah.
That's not a bad idea Andy Gibb ! So what did you want to talk to me about ? Oh.
I guess I just wanted to congratulate you on your new job here at the record store.
I name you senior vice-president in charge of scams.
Alright man ! Man, I can't fire Leo.
He's like a father to me.
Well like a friend.
Well he's like a guy who always has lighter.
Whoho.
So if you're not gonna fire Randy, and you're not gonna fire Leo, I got a question.
Can I see your wife boobs ? Hey guys, guess what.
One of the Almond Brothers is here ! This new guy Randy is awesome ! Today he was looking over the records, and he figured out it be easier to find things if we just alphabetized them.
Hey, do you know what you were doing just now ? No, what ? Telling your wife about your day.
Pretty cool huh ? Didn't suck.
Oh good.
You're both here.
We want to talk to you about your marriage.
Steven, I've come to think of you as a son, and so I want to give you some honest, hartfelt advise.
Get your head out of your ass.
You two barely know eachother.
Not to mention that I saw a TV movie where someone like you moved in and killed the whole family.
Steven honey, if this isn't what you want, you should say so now.
Yeah, you should.
Hyde, if you don't want me here, I'll pack up my things and leave tonight.
No man, it's cool.
Okay then.
Oh she's staying.
Well Well I guess I'll go set an extra place at the table for strippersupper ! You're never gonna believe this ! I drove here this way.
Jackie, will you please come out ? I don't think even anyone saw you.
OH MY GOD ! I'm sorry about my friend, she's a little prudish.
She's not as free with her body as I hope you will be.
Ready to go baby ? Hey buddy, the only guy she is leaving with is me ! Unless you just wanna do it in the bathroom, then we can leave separately.
Fez, there is something I need to tell you.
Mark and I are married.
What ? Yeah we come here every weekend and watch eachother hit on strangers.
It makes for some ultra hot action when we get back home ! Wait, yeah Eric and I tried that once.
I got three phone numbers and he got the highscore on Space Invaders.
Wait, you do this every weekend ?! You shower some poor loser with affection and then toss him aside when you're done ?! Yeah.
See you next weekend I gotta say, Sam is pretty cool.
Yeah ? Yeah yesterday for no reason at all, she grabbed a beer out of the fridge and just like gave it to me.
I mean what is that all about ? Maybe that is what husbands and wives do for eachother ? Craziest damn thing I ever saw.
Uhm Steven ? I just wanna let you know that we're through.
If you're gonna go off and marry someone you don't even know, then we can't be together anymore Okay.
Well I guess you always have Kelso to fall back on.
Or Fez.
Hey what ? Did I hear my name ? Are Jackie and I going to do it ? Can somebody tell me what is going on ?! Steven I have been so stupid for so long.
I tried to force Michael to marry me, I tried to force you to marry me.
And last night I threw myself at some unavailable creep I didn't even like.
Well, now you've hit a new low.
Throwing yourself at some guy on Rosh Hashanah.
So you know what ? I'm done making an ass of myself for you.
Or any other guys.
In fact, I'm done with guys completely.
Hear that Hyde ? We screwed her up so bad she's switching to chicks ! How awesome are we ! So I was thinking about you all week, how cute and flustered you looked when I kissed you.
Yess.
.
me too