Will and Grace s08e02 Episode Script

Okay, look at this picture If you look at it closely I swear you can see Katie Holmes mouthing "Help me.
" Please She made her own twin beds Oh, my god, you're home I'll just come back later Wait a minute, wait a minute What's with the hand truck? It's not what it looks like I just came to take your sofa Why do you need our sofa? Well, I really wanted to do something to spruce up my talk show 'cause I have a really exciting guest Even better than the guest on my first episode Better than a moustache drawn on your hand that you said was Lou Diamond Phillips? I find that hard to believe Oh.
Okay Well there's somebody who's not gonna get to meet Harrison Ford! And there's someone else who's not gonna get to meet Harrison Ford Anyway, Grace Would you like to help me with my set? I asked the art department to spruce it up but they're all lesbians and I feel like it needs a woman's touch Sure, Jack But you should know better than to stereotype lesbians Ooh, while I'm there I can have of them fix my watch Hey, kids Just stopped by to say hi You live here now I never want to see you again See you later! Karen! What are you doing? She still won't forgive me for knowing Mr.
Stan was alive And she'll come to realize that I only did it because I love her Or when she needs a bong buddy Well, here it is Everything she had when I first brought her home A doll made of sticks a moth-eaten blanket and her degree in Clinical Psychology from the University of Texas Karen.
Rosie can't live with us Why? Because she's black, Grace? Karen, she can stay for a few days But, sooner or later you're gonna have to deal with what happened with Stan What? Honey, I'm fine I'm moving on with my life I'm dating Malcolm I've joined Curves Oh! And I finally got into the Harry Potter books You know I say I root for Gryffindor but secretly I love my Slytherin boys Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º I Second That Emotion ½ÌÅ© Á¦ÀÛ ÇÑ±Û ¹ø¿ª ½ÌÅ© ÆíÁý ÃÖÁ¾ Å×½ºÆ® That was heartbreaking, Hurumi You are an extraordinary talent Arigato! Oh, and by the way somebody threw up on the radiator next to the toilet again It's pretty baked on but you can probably scrape most of it off with your bow Hey, Karen, I hope you don't mind I let myself in Although, considering this is a 17 bedroom mansion should you really leave the front door unlocked? Nah.
What is there to take in here Well, it's not so much as what might get stolen as how many of your staff might try to escape Look I'm worried that you're not dealing with this whole Stan being alive thing I think you're in denial about your feelings Wait a minute You're using psychiatry on me I've read all the studies on psychiatry Have you? It's a pseudo-science and it doesn't exist And neither do postpartum depression or Brooke Shields karen You don't have to put up a wall with me I've seen you punching coat check girls swallowing buttons you thought were pills shooting at the birds in your wallpaper So come on talk to me - I don't know - Come on Start taking that wall down one brick at a time Come on just one brick - Just one? - Yeah.
Come on I'll be right beside you Take that brick down Now, what do you see? Too quick My fault I shouldn't have pushed you that hard And please, swear to me you'll never tell me what was behind that brick Are you crying? Honey, I missed Stanley so much And know I find out that he's alive and that he lied to me It hurts, Will I feel empty and confused and even more alone than I did when thought he was dead Karen, c'mere C'mere You just let it all out That's it Now, you feel better? You take all the time you need I'm sorry, Jack I thought I'd have more time before the show No, Grace This is great! Thank you It just needed, you know a touch of elegance Oh, hello Life Saver! What? I'm not gonna eat it I wonder what else is in here Uh, Jack we have a problem uh, if you got someone pregnant, straighty that's your problem, not mine We don't have Harrison Ford What?! Why would you swear we had him if we didn't have him? Because you said if we didn't have him I'd be fired Okay, I probably shouldn't have said that Just don't let it happen again, okay? Now.
Do we have Angelina Jolie for tomorrow? If you say "no," you're fired She's super excited to meet you Great.
Okay Now, what am I gonna do for a guest? We're on in five, four, three, two Welcome to "Jack Talk"! Today's guest interior designer Grace Adler! All right, settle down, ladies It's not like I brought Judy back to life Thanks for being on the show, Grace! What the hell's going on? Isn't she hilarious? Hey, Kathy Griffin, you're not the only funny red-head over 40! I think I'm gonna go Hey, here's a fun fact about Grace She lives with a gay man Oh, yeah Um, yeah I have for a while He's been my best friend for years Thank you! I'm also very involved in the New York gay scene That's right Grace has closed more gay bars than the Department of Health And, like my mother always says if you love gay men so much why don't you just marry one Believe me I've tried! Sounds like you love everything about gay men Not true Jack Talk audience can we speak seriously for just a moment? There is one thing I don't like I don't like gay men who don't like themselves I could listen to you talk forever I could But who wants to watch me make a protein shake? What did you do to me?! Uh, healed you? Do I look healed to you?! I took a few bricks out the whole damned building collapsed! I can't eat I can't sleep Yesterday, I was so upset I walked into the Mercer Hotel and threw a phone at the front desk clerk Karen, I'm sorry but if you want to get Get away from me! I want to be alone I haven't felt this emotionally raw and exposed since.
Penthouse published those photos of me and Vanessa Williams Do you think Grace would mind if borrowed this? That's mine Hello? Grace, where are you? Why aren't you watching "Jack Talk?" I am!I'm getting my hair done but I've got channel Guys, when you hear what I said about gays I think you're gonna be pretty happy Maybe even free hot oil treatment happy All right Grace look, I gotta go I can hear myself through the phone on your TV, on Will's TV, in my head It's too much of a good thing Oh, here comes my serious moment Turn it up, Hector Can I speak seriously for just a moment? There is one thing I don't like I don't like gay men You know, it's kinda weird The way that episode was edited it almost makes it seem like Grace hates gay men Do you think she noticed? I'm sure it's fine I just hope you're okay with having only one testicle Simba looks angry I hate gays? Yeah, I know, Grace You said it on my show, remember? Do you have any idea what I have been through? On my way over here I was egged in the East Village Egg-whited in the West Village And in Chelsea some vicious queen threw a skinless chicken breast at me as he roller bladed by! I'm sorry, Grace The show ran crazy long I had to cut something if I wanted to keep my full four minutes of me making that shake Okay see that makes sense Now that I know the context Right / Yeah! It's almost kind of funny, right? Kind of? It's hilarious! I mean, look I paid two hundred bucks for this! Stick a pencil up your ass you're a troll doll So, good show, right? Yes! Come here I wanna give you a hug I'm beginning to think you're not taking this so well I am not homophobic you mincing little squirrel So, here's what you're gonna do, Alice You're gonna put me on your next show so I can clear my name Can't Have Angelina Jolie Smitty, do you ever think about giving up? You know, just ending it all Funny you should ask Tonight is the anniversary of the fire that killed my identical twin and I've never felt more alone Now how is it that you're tending bar and Jimmy Kimmel has his own show? It's just not right There you are Get lost, Wilma Thanks to you, I've got all these awful memories flooding back My dog getting hit a car My three-legged dog getting hit by a slower car My dog, on a little cart rolling under a school bus Well, as hard as it is remembering these things dealing with them is how you heal Was this all the same dog? Why wasn't he on a leash? "Deal with things?" Who are you to talk about dealing with things? What do you mean? I deal Oh, please! You're zipped up tighter than Star Jones in a well, really anything with a zipper That's why you spend all of your time fixing everybody else's problems so you don't have to look at your own That's crap Really? Then why don't we take a few little bricks out of Will's wall, huh? Go ahead But you're not gonna find anything back there 'cause when something comes into my life, I tend to it.
Then move on So you don't keep the remnants of your career back there? I quit my job to do something meaningful And how's that going for ya? It takes time to find the right thing Apparently, that applies to boyfriends, too because the only man that you've had a successful relationship with is Grace I've had tons of successful relationships! That all ended Successfully! Well, I'm glad you've got it all figured out, Will Because if I were you I'd be worried Oh, yeah? Well, don't be 'Cause what I have is a fresh start It's exciting, actually You know? I'm unemployed I'm single.
I'm 41 The world is my.
Oh, just put me on a little cart and roll me under a school bus Hi, I'm Jack McFarland Welcome to "Jack Talk!" Today I have my exclusive follow up interview with Grace Adler Woman misunderstood or homophobic monster? Let's give her a warm welcome Okay, all right All right.
Hey! Give her a chance She hasn't even sat down yet.
Okay? Now, I need to correct an editing mistake from yesterday I've known little Grace Adler here for many many years and she is not a homophobe I'm not Yes, you are yes you are! Hey, hey! All right, hey now Let's take a deep breath, okay? Oh, Grace, I think you broke a rib yesterday when you attacked me No, no-- I was hugging him Oh, shut up! Shut up! Shame on you! Bad queens! Bad queens Do you even know who you're booing? I have been devoted to you for decades When I was a little girl I showed you mine when you showed me yours Even though you didn't care When I was in high school I showed you mine when you showed me yours even though you didn't care And when I was in my twenties I slept with you even though you still didn't care And now, you sneer at me at the Chelsea Market and you-- you throw macaroni salad at me on Christopher Street? And it's so not fair because I love you people! I have always loved you in a very unhealthy way For my own personal development so now love me back dammit! You seem fine Why are you so drank when we together the same amount? Honey, you don't look so good Not so much fun peeking behind the wall, is it? No.
People like us we should just leave the walls up and all the feelings on the other side What you say we start stacking those bricks back, huh? Good idea Me first Oh! The time that the football team caught me kissing that poster of the football team Never happened My eighth birthday which my mother celebrated by changing my name and moving us to Vancouver Good-bye or the time I told my first boyfriend I loved him and he said "Did you just eat falafel?" Doesn't hurt The horrible, muffled cries of Patty Hearst from behind that closet door Never happened Oh, what about.
.
what about Stan coming back? That's.
that's a big ole brick I think I need to leave that one out for a while Really? Well, it hurts, but I may need to take a peek again I'll leave one out, too I had the perfect guy and the perfect job and I threw it all away Honey, I said leave out a brick not blow out an archway But, you know I do feel a little better Yeah? I'm glad I feel like I'm gonna throw up Okay Second door on your left Hurumi! Get your violin and spatula and meet Mr.
Truman in the john! Love me back, dammit! Wow And that was my fourth take I'm sorry we had to keep doing it Stupid sound man New rule, you gotta be at least thirteen to work on the show Wait a minute you did that four times? How did you remember it? Please Any hag worth her salt has that speech ready to go for the day you guys turn Wanna hear it in Spanish? Qu? es la problema con su gente? No soy un homophobe! ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇô ÁÖ¼¼¿ä thanks