Geordie Shore (2011) s08e03 Episode Script

1 The Geordies are back in the Toon.
Wicked! We are doing what we do best.
Fuck me.
Partying.
Tashing on.
Getting mortal.
Shagging.
It's insane! Shit's about to get real.
Have you missed me? Oh, my God, it's Vicky! She's the queen of this house.
She'll stir shit up.
I'm kissing Vicky Scotty T is wicked No boy has ever gone to this much effort.
She's loving it.
I'm definitely getting a date.
Gaz is fucking kicking off because I've been speaking to Marnie.
No, no, no! Next, tops are off and we're face-to-face.
You fucking told him! I knew this would happen.
Scott tried to come between me and Gary.
All I want is an apology from my best mate.
OK, I'm sorry, I did.
I'm not gonna let anyone fuck up what me and Marnie have got going on.
I do not want it to get complicated.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
I'm a natural beauty.
I'm gonna tear the place up.
I don't kiss anyone without a six pack.
The hardest graft I've done is my hair.
I'm cheeky and full of mischief.
I'm fake, I'm flirty and I've got FFs.
I'll make sparks fly and get everyone feisty.
Geordie Shore, why-aye! What's happened? Surprise, I wake up and I'm next to Marnie.
This is obviously not a relationship, definitely not a relationship.
Yeah? Yeah.
Gary's convincing us that me and him is just a bit of fun, but if that's true why does he care about the boys going near us? Gaz admitted to me that he's in too deep with Marnie.
Like, he actually said that to me last night.
I think Gary and Marnie are cute together when they don't argue.
For him to admit he's in too deep, fucking hell, this isn't the normal Gaz that I know.
There must be something more there between Gaz and Marnie.
You never know, might be them two walking up the aisle before me.
I just feel proper minging today.
So hungover and so rank and dirty, I think we should go on a spa day.
Massages, facials, yeah? Vicky's had an amazing idea.
We should go for a spa day and have some girlie bonding.
Come on then, guys.
The girls are completely on top.
If this was a food chain we would be wild lions dominating the area and slaying our prey.
This one has got Aaron literally jumping through hoops for her.
Aaron is trying to get everything off the list, but I've already slept with him so why is he trying so hard? I must have a magic vagina.
You know what Gary said? What? "I'm getting too deep with Marnie.
" What?! Yeah.
What does he mean? I don't think he means balls-deep, I think he means feelings-deep.
I'm trying to avoid getting emotionally attached, but I can't pretend it's not nice to hear him saying them type of things.
Are youse gonna go for a dip? Yeah.
Last night was fun.
I had a good night and then I thought Charlotte was coming, so I burst into tears.
I felt so bad for you.
I miss Charlotte so much that I even cried last night over her.
I love the girls but it's not the same without my best friend.
I didn't want youse to think that I was like, I wasn't having a good time with youse because I was, I just expected her, I don't know why.
Even though me and Holly are getting on well, I know as soon as Charlotte walks through that door they'll be paired off and I'll be on my own.
No sooner have we got back from the spa than the phone rings.
Hey, Anna.
Is she kidding? I'm knackered, the slave-driving slag.
What's the craic? Bar crawl.
Me, Aaron and Scott.
I love a good old bar crawl.
No necking on with any clients, lads.
What about the staff, Vicky? You should be so lucky.
It's me, Scott and Vicky at work, I hope it's full of fit birds so I can have a neck on.
There's not a bird in sight.
Anna, what are you playing at? Scott and Aaron's faces are a picture.
They look like they've been hit across the face by these lads' dicks.
Let's see if they can keep up with Scotty T.
Shots, shots and more fucking shots.
I've had more shots than I've got tattoos, I'm smashed.
Aaron is trying to tell me something and I'm pretty sure he's trying to put a shift in, but I can't be certain, all I'm hearing is Looks like I'm proving I'm still the new lad, just can't keep up.
I think we should go out tonight, see what's happened with work, they'll be mortal We're buzzing to go out, get drunk, bring it on.
Go on then.
We get to Florita's, we're ready to get mortal.
Gary comes strolling in like he's going to his fucking prom.
Oh, my God, Aaron is not normally like this, he's clearly had one too many tequilas.
Aaron's being clingy again because he's drunk, he can't help it.
Aaron is flirting with Marnie and it probably is harmless, but of course I'll get jealous.
I asked her what he's got that I haven't.
Massive fail.
Yet again Gary's getting jealous.
I'm fucking sick of this arguing and hassle with Gary.
I hate him at the minute.
This playground bullshit has got to stop.
Gary and Marnie quite evidently like each other This whole thing is reeking of Gary and Charlotte.
Nobody wants the house like that again and I can't help but think we're headed for disaster.
I don't know what is with these girls, as soon as they have a drink they'll shovel anything down their necks.
Aaron? Fuck off, mate.
So I'm really fucking pissed and I can't even speak.
Why do I always take it too far? Me and Gary are getting nowhere, but this is just me and Gary.
We argue and then we make up.
We're not in a relationship, but the last thing I wanna hear is how great some other lad is.
Urgh, I don't, I don't like him more, right? I don't.
I like You know I like you a lot more.
The way Gary's going on, it's really confusing us.
He says he doesn't care, but he wouldn't argue like this if he didn't.
I don't care what anybody says, sex is not worth this much hassle.
I'd rather have a wank.
So I've woke up and am I seeing things? Gaz is in his own bed, no Marnie, guess there's a first time for everything.
She's doing my head in and it's not fun any more, so I need to pie her off.
You think? I heard it from up here, babe.
These arguments are getting too out of hand and I can't cope.
I don't think he's been to this stage with a bird before and he's panicking, like, "What do I do?" But your actions are suggesting otherwise.
Youse are like an old fucking married couple.
The line between love and hate is so thin.
Every girl has her guard up and soon as Marnie admits that she likes Gary, that's it, she's opened a massive can of worms and if she keeps saying she doesn't she's protecting herself.
I'm still trying to get Holly to go on a date with us by getting everything on her list and a star is the last thing.
What's this, like? Oh, right.
Holly? Yeah? Can you come here, please? Aaron's calling my name and I'm like, "Eh? What the hell?" I got you another present.
Do you know how you wanted a star? Right, I've actually named a star after you.
I'm so happy, I can't believe he's gone out and got a star named after me.
Aw, you're so cute.
I've passed everything and that means I get a date.
OK.
Deal? Deal.
Sorted.
He could buy the fucking moon, he's not gonna bang her.
He's just making himself look like a massive tool.
Bye, guys, have fun.
Aaron's taking me on a date and I'm really excited.
So we pull up and we're outside the tattoo parlour.
This day couldn't get any better.
We're getting a tattoo and she's buzzing.
What are you after, Holly? Shall I get a little star? I've decided on a star, it'll remind me of the star he got me.
I named a star after her and got a certificate.
It's located in the Sky.
In the sky.
Where else is it gonna be? I didn't think you'd go this far to get the date, to be honest.
It's fair to say we get on better as mates.
I just wanted to complete the challenge.
I just think we get on better as mates, don't you? Oh, God, yeah, totally.
So much better as mates.
Now that me and Holly have decided to be mates I tell her I fancy her friend.
Yeah.
A lot.
Do you fancy her? Oh, my God, this is such crazy information whilst getting a tattoo.
I'm pleased Aaron fancies Vicky, because it means, for once, on a night out, I won't have him clung to me, it's Vicky's turn.
Am I done? Yes! Give us a look? Aw, I love it, it's so cute.
Hello! There's one person I know I can go to to get the best advice, it's my granddad, Big Raymondo.
Even though we were out and they were off doing their thing, I just end up back with Marnie all the time.
That's what I was thinking as well, what's going on? When I say I've only been getting with Marnie, he looks surprised.
That's quite scary when your granddad knows you're a player.
Hypothetical question for you.
If you had Charlotte and Marnie sitting there and you think, "I've got to decide between" I would never do that, I could have been with Charlotte, I didn't want to be.
You're not getting the point.
Charlotte's not on the shelf now, she's in a locked cupboard.
It's just about Marnie.
Say, "I like you," so that nobody gets hurt at the end of the day.
My granddad's advice is I talk to Marnie and everything'll be OK.
He's obviously never been in the Geordie Shore house or tried to have a conversation with Marnie.
It's impossible.
- Dude, what are you doing, pet? - Handcuffing myself.
I wanted to know what it felt like.
Found these handcuffs, I don't know whose, and I've decided to put them on and now I can't get them off.
Hey.
Oh, here's the lovely couple.
I kind of just handcuffed myself.
Love's young dream.
I can't wait to show everyone my tattoo.
Got a star.
Does that mean it's getting serious? I've just noticed you and Aaron have matching tattoos.
That's really, really awkward.
So I decide to just make the whole situation even more awkward and tell everyone that Aaron told me he fancies Vicky.
Aaron decided to spring something on me whilst getting the tattoo.
Er, he fancies you.
No, I didn't I said That's what I said, I'm not gonna lie.
I know Aaron's timing's a bit shit, he's just taken Holly on a date, but the fact is I quite fancy him as well.
I'm quite a tough nut to crack.
I know, just give us a couple of drinks I'm anyone's.
All we ever do in this house is get pissed.
I've got a massive surprise and they'd better like it.
You're excited to know where we're going.
We can hardly contain ourselves! I know this good place with these mint sleeping things, a yurt.
A yurt? What the fuck's a yurt? I think youse will enjoy it.
You need to stop being so closed off from the universe.
Your mind's in a different universe.
What do you pack to go to a yurt? Come on, everyone.
Right, bye, house.
Are you happy we're doing this? I'm so excited.
I wanna be at one with the universe and take in what it has to offer.
Oh, my God.
Why does Holly always chase the impossible? We all know James won't feel the same way about her.
Only probably because we have a connection.
The dick's inside her, how can you not be connected? To be fair to Holly, these tents look pretty decent and as a "well done" I'd probably let her suck us off.
Maybes.
Who's in this one? I think you're in that one.
Roomies.
Roomies! Get in.
Ah! It's freezing, so I've gotta make a fire.
There's a theasaurus there full of paper and paper makes fire.
I don't need alternative words, I know loads, I need fire.
Let's play I Have Never.
I have never masturbated in the Geordie Shore house.
I have, like.
Shower.
What did you slipped on? It wasn't baby oil, it was my spunk.
Is anyone gonna catch me? There's a gap in the blind.
Out of the door.
It becomes clear that I live with the most disgusting bunch of individuals in the world.
I've never fancied someone in this room.
I think I've fancied everyone in this room.
Everyone's drank the drink except James, and I can't believe he never had feelings for me.
I just think James is just so full of himself.
You can't pretend you've never had a past.
We've all seen it, we all were there, and denying that you ever fancied her is just hurtful.
Really awkward.
James, you've fucked the whole game and the mood.
I can't quite believe that James would mug me off like that.
He's said that he didn't fancy anyone in the house ever.
Everyone at one point has fancied someone and it was like a kick in the vagina.
Like, I'm not being funny, but I used to have sex with you in a fridge in Mexico.
Holly seems hurt by James, but what I'm most confused about is how the fuck they'd fit in a fridge.
Being here makes me miss Charlotte, cos camping and Charlotte are like a bird and water, it's meant to be.
It's really not the same without her.
I think she'll be back soon.
Did you think that was the best time? The girl I fancy is quizzing us about the date with her best mate, this is awkward.
We've been getting on so well.
I'm not even lying, I proper love spending time with you.
Since me and Aaron are enjoying some proper alone time, I bite the bullet and make the first move.
Oi-oi.
As if mine and Aaron's kiss wasn't awkward enough, Gary and Marnie walk in.
Double date? So I've just walked in on what looks like a very awkward moment between Aaron and Vicky, so the only thing I can think of, double date.
Yeah.
Double date has to happen! Just when I thought Marnie wasn't speaking to us, now she's dropping the lines, "We want a double date," How can this girl mind-fuck me any more? So me and Vicky are in bed and it's freezing, we cuddle and keep warm.
So I've had a fucking unreal night in the yurt, but I'm mortal drunk.
I'm shocked at how strong Gary's staying.
I'm the one who's not supposed to want to have sex, he's supposed to want to.
If them sheep are waking me up, fuck it, I'm waking Aaron and Vicky up.
Oh, good morning.
I didn't think it was possible for Gary to lie in bed with someone without having sex with them.
The fact that me and Gary spent the night in a bed and didn't have sex means more than if we did.
That's a big step for me and Gary.
Who the fuck was pissed enough to even mention the word "double date" last night? Fucking idiot.
Somehow we got smashed and agreed to a date.
This could be a nightmare.
Gary wants to have a chat about me and him.
This is definitely the last thing I expected.
All this arguing.
I know.
Why are we arguing? I don't know.
The best thing for me and Marnie to do now is chill out, don't pull anyone else until we understand exactly what is going on.
Fucking goodbye, yurts.
Phone! - I hate the phone.
- I never answer it, me.
Hello? "Hi.
" You all right? "I've got a job for youse tonight.
" "It's a 24th party and I want Scott, Holly and James to go, please.
" Thank God I'm not involved in this Holly and James sandwich.
Work time.
Who for? Oh, I'm always at work.
Oh, man! I'm so angry I've gotta go to work with James.
After last night it's gonna be awkward.
I do wanna know why he said that he hadn't fancied anyone in the house.
It's your perfect opportunity to ask him, sort it out.
He's such a giblet.
With Holly, James and Scott going to work tonight, it's the perfect time for my, Marnie and Gary and Aaron's double date.
Those are two words I never thought I'd say here.
We're gonna get candles, fucking mood music, bit of fucking Bazza White on the sound system.
Tonight we're gonna ask the lads if they fancy going on our double date.
The pressure is on.
Hiya.
Hi, lads, youse all right? We just thought maybes like Shock, she's gone quiet.
Spit it out, what the hell? I don't know why I'm so tongue-tied, I feel like I'm 16, at the school disco asking a lad to dance.
We're gonna plan something nice, would youse like to be involved? Aye.
We're in.
Good.
So we'll see youse later.
How long have we got? You're not in a hurry.
We got plenty of time? Sound.
Me and Aaron haven't got a clue what they're doing.
You're not gonna have a fucking dance or something, are you? Their idea of special is a kebab and a cuddle, so I'm a bit scared.
After what James did last night I am not looking forward to work.
Nice one, Anna.
Let's go.
I can't walk in my shoes.
Hiya, hun, you all right? Happy birthday.
The birthday girl's arrived, time to get the party started.
Come and get your present.
I'm at work with James and the only thing to make this less awkward is if I get mortal.
Look at that! Haway, girls, who wants to go first? Come to daddy.
24th birthday parties are my bag.
Book me in for the next one, Anna, you fucking raggie.
I can't take this any longer, I need to talk to James.
I need to get rid of this awkwardness.
You don't have to fancy everyone you sleep with, just get over it, Holly, you're not my flavour protein shake.
Is that James' idea of an apology? It wasn't what I was looking for.
Are you? Yeah, I'm a bit nervous.
So me and Vicky are setting up for this romantic date.
Will the boys even appreciate this effort? Think we need candles.
The only time I've ever lit candles before in my entire life was when we had a power shortage.
I'm starting to get a bit nervous.
Please, I'm gonna die if you are fashioning serviettes out of kitchen roll.
Me and Vicky have done such a good job.
The candles, the food, this is gonna be amazing.
The boys better appreciate this.
Lads? Yep? We're ready if you wanna come down.
Oh, my God.
I'm in shock.
I can't believe the girls went to this effort, but who can blame them when you've got me and Gaz? Oh, my God.
I'm the first girl Gary has ever gone on a candlelit dinner with.
Is this getting serious? Aaron drops the bombshell of a second date and I'm on my starter.
Since everyone's dropping bombshells, probably a good time to sneak in there that me and Marnie are only pulling each other.
We don't really know how we feel about each other yet and we don't want to cause fireworks or arguments or drama when we don't know how we feel.
I'm not even her friend any more.
So I said don't pull anyone else until we know what is going on and how we feel.
This has to be the closest Gary has ever came in his life to monogamy and who knows, the closest he will ever get.
Well, congratulations, guys.
I feel like I should give a toast.
Like maid of honour.
Cheers.
Thank you, girls, for the effort.
Vicky's making a toast about me and Marnie not pulling other people and to be fair, we're having a wicked time.
Go.
Ah.
Fuck, that's disgusting.
Oh, ow! Fuck! Sorry I'm late.
I'm back! Oh, my God.
Where is everyone? I walk in, Gary, Marnie and this new person are still all in their seats.
This isn't a very nice welcome.
Awkward.
Charlotte has just walked in, this is gonna ruin everything.
You look lovely.
Hi.
Hi, Marnie, how are you? I'm good.
Shit.
I cannot believe I've just made a toast to me and Marnie and in walks Charlotte.
Fuck my life.
Cheers, right, thank you, girls, for all the effort.
Ah.
Fuck, that's disgusting.
Oh, ow! Fuck! Sorry I'm late.
I'm back! Oh, my god.
What the fuck? This isn't a very nice welcome.
Hi, Marnie, how are you? I'm good.
Shit, I've just made a toast to me and Marnie and in walks Charlotte.
Fuck my life.
Where's Holly? Holly, James and Scott are at work.
I knew at some point that Charlotte had to come back in this house and I wasn't worried at all, however, walking in on a double date is very fucking awkward.
Aaron, this is Charlotte.
I'm Charlotte, nice to meet you.
You all right? I'm good.
What's happening here? It's a little bit of a A double date situation.
Gary and Marnie are on a date.
To be honest, I'm not surprised.
I saw it coming a mile off.
I'll just be the, erm guest.
I'll get you a plate.
I'll just have a drink.
What's been happening? What hasn't been happening? I'm starting to feel sorry for her.
She's sitting there like an unnecessary third bollock.
It's time to get her out of here and introduce her to the tortoises.
Oh, my god! We knew you'd love them.
So what's their names? Erm, oh, I don't know.
What kind of introduction is this if they don't even have names? These tortoises probably's feel as unwelcome as I do right now.
So what else is new? Nothing much, babe.
Waterbed, turtles So is that like, official kind of thing? It's basically very new, I should let her break it to you, but I think it's probably better coming from me.
I'm not bothered, like I don't think you will be.
It's music to my ears.
I'm pleased that Gary's moved on, because I did a year ago.
Are they pulling other people still? Not one? He's not pulled anyone since he got here.
I don't think she has either.
I know she's not bothered, but hearing that he's not pulling anyone else and he seems happy with Marnie must still hurt.
What about you and Aaron? Brand new, shiny new.
So wait a second, I'm confused.
Is everyone in couples now? I've come back and everything's changed.
It seems like everyone is near enough paired off.
But at the same time, I'm gonna put myself in her position.
Regardless of how much she hates me, I still can't canoodle with you every night when she's there, I can't do that to her.
I don't want to, but I've got to give it up with Gary, I can't go near him when Charlotte's here.
Why is Charlotte still ruining my fucking life? It's got fuck all to do with us.
I could be getting married in ten years time, standing at the altar the happiest man in the world, Charlotte walks in as my friend, as a guest, the girl will probably say, "I can't marry you, Charlotte's here.
" It's just never-fucking-ending.
Do not get upset.
Everyone's happy.
Do you want a drink? Charlotte's been here three minutes and I've already argued with Marnie after we were having an absolutely wicked night.
Vicky's suggesting that I go and break the ice with Marnie.
No ice is to be broken, what is she talking about? I've just sat with her, just said right, "Gary and Marnie are making a go of it.
" She didn't flinch.
She didn't flinch? Not bothered.
You're free to do what you want.
Even though me and Charlotte don't like each other, I want us to finally build our relationship and maybe make amends.
Happy birthday Work has been an absolute success, me, on the other hand, I'm absolutely fucked.
Holly's an absolute mortal mess.
Are you joking? She's embarrassing.
We might as well have brought Holly in a wheelbarrow, She can't move she's that pissed.
Everyone, to Charlotte.
To Charlotte! Thanks, everyone.
Let's get this right.
I'm on a double date, Charlotte walks in, ruins it, Marnie's called it off, I am dreading tonight.
I need to add some more people to this weird, awkward double date mix and I can't wait to see Holly! Is this actually Charlotte or am I that pissed I can't even see and it's just a mirage? I'm so excited to see Holly, I just wish she wasn't so bloody pissed.
I can't believe it.
My best friend has just got here, but I'm that fucking mortal that Vicky's take me home.
Night, Holly.
Now Holly's gone home it's just me and Marnie left.
Great! Me and Marnie are having a chat and I feel like it needs to happen because she obviously feels very awkward.
Gary treats Marnie differently to me.
He treated me like a friend he could shag and Marnie like a girl he wants to be with.
What the hell? Me and Charlotte are actually getting on.
This is not what I expected tonight, but I am happy about it.
Now me and Marnie cleared the air I might as well with Gary.
I haven't got a problem with Charlotte being back and Charlotte shouldn't have a problem with me getting with Marnie.
Gary's trying to play him and Marnie down, but he can't fool me, I know him too well.
Charlotte's up to her old tricks, mind games.
I thought she wasn't bothered.
This is all I need.
Looks like I'm angry at Gary again.
I don't understand why he gets us so angry, I must just hate his face.
If I've got two girls having my life every night this could be my worst nightmare.
It looks like Gary's new girlfriend is really pissed.
She's literally lying down.
No sooner had I walked back into the club then I find Marnie in a fucking similar state to the one I left Holly in.
It's blatantly apparent I'm going to have to take her home.
If my night's ruined, so is everyone else's.
We're all fucking going home.
Vick, I'm getting in.
Marnie! Oh, my God! Fuck em! Fuck, me neck! I'm back at the house and I've fallen all over the place.
Some things never change.
Oh, cheers, babe.
What are you doing?! What on earth?! Whistle.
Everybody is smashed, but after the night I had I'm making an early exit.
Oh, she's on there.
Charlotte is absolutely mortal and since she can't kiss any of the lads she decided to turn her attention to Marnie.
Listen I'm snogging Marnie, so now I'm being a slut, a lesbian slut.
What? If Gary walked in now and seen me and Charlotte kissing it'd be like walking into a wet dream.
Yes! Cheers, everyone, to Charlotte coming back.
The first night has been an eventful night.
It's time to go to sleep.
Things are going well with Vicky and even though Charlotte came in, it hasn't spoilt our night.
I ended things with Gary, then I argued with Gary and now I'm in bed with Gary.
What the fuck? I have to admit though, I am happy about it.
How's Marnie even remember what happened when she can't remember her own fucking name? Charlotte's been here a few hours and she's up to her old tricks.
Marnie has got no idea.
I'm not listening to him.
Charlotte's been lovely, so I won't put up with that.
I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall.
I can't even explain to the girl that I'm banging that me and Charlotte are over.
I can't win.
There's tashing on all over and I'm pretty sure I just saw someone slip a finger in.
Finally got Gaz back as my wingman.
I fucking knew it.
Gary with a girl at each side.
Two can play at that game and I'm better at it.
Why the fuck would someone wanna be so fucking horrible? The F bomb, feelings.