Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s08e03 Episode Script
Eat a Peach
Yeah, not that that's doing anything
for my bank account, but, ahem
-Figures.
Zorak, Moltar, let me tell you the
story of the birds and the bees.
Wow!
Oh, don't be like that.
It's beautiful.
Greetings, universe and beyond.
I'm comedian Todd Barry.
Space Ghost.
Now, say hello to zorak and the original way outs.
Space Ghost, let me ask you something.
How come you never introduce me?
Do what, now?
At the beginning of each show, you introduce yourself,
you introduce zorak.
I just thought it would be nice one
time if you introduced me, too.
What's so funny?
Moltar, Moltar, Moltar.
You're only the director.
No one sees or cares about you.
Zorak and I are the talent.
I thought you hated zorak.
I do hate you.
Hey, Space Ghost, want to hear a funny joke?
See, Moltar, this is what I'm talking about.
Aaugh.
Quiet, Moltar. Your heat will throw off his timing,
and that's why you suck.
Ok, here we go.
Er, uh, umKnock, knock.
Um, who's there?
You.
Ha ha ha ha!
Well done, zorak.
So, anyway, Moltar, I'm always open to ideas that might make
the show better.
How 'bout I come out at the beginning
of every show and hit you upside
the head with a hammer?
I'd watch that show.
And light your teeth on fire and
puncture your eardrums with golf tees
until your spinal fluid leaks out.
Thank you, Moltar, but-- - but I do the hammer part.
You can do the lighting his teeth on fire part.
No, I do the hammer.
I do the hammer!
You always do the hammer!
I'm the hammer! Me!
Zorak is the hammer!
Zorak is the hammer!
All right, it's settled.
Zorak is the hammer.
Moltar, you suck.
Now, get off your metal ass and bring in my first guest!
But not right now.
Hmm
Where'd he go?
Moltar, the louder, the funnier.
What?
Oh, just do it.
- Now, mumbling when I
- What an ass.
No, no, no, no.
Turn it off, Moltar.
There's nothing in it.
Turning off in 20, 19, 18, 17, 16,
15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7--
6, fiver, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
All right, uh, let's see.
I can't believe you said ass, Moltar.
Space Ghost, you're an ass.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
Mercy.
Love that line.
Love that line.
Now, what are we doing?
Uh, I've got Todd Barry.
Oh.
Who is this guy?
I've ne--I've never seen him.
Has he been on Russell Simmons?
Uh, I don't know.
Ahh. Why don't we get him on the show?
Screw Todd Barry.
We--we sure we need this guy?
Quit looking at me!
I've never even heard of this guy.
- Um
- Hey, Todd. Ha ha ha!
Good to see you.
Thank you.
It says here you've got a car.
Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
Oh, you do, and it's nice.
I washed it.
Oh, gosh, thank you.
Thank you.
So, tell me about your private life.
- Uh
- I want to--I want to find out personal details.
I don't know.
Answer me!
I don't even know what I just said.
Yeah, I want to call you later at home.
You'll have to give me your home number,
'cause I'm gonna ask you
how much they're paying you.
You're kidding me.
That's weird.
I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you.
Uh, he said, "screw you, you ass."
Yeah, you're an ass!
How'd you know my middle name?
Ah, yes.
Todd, this crow is trying to tell us something.
No.
Is that the space cops coming?
No, it's something about your car.
It's in danger.
Are you serious?
Shh! Crows aren't interested in you. They like cars!
Hey, who doesn't?
Shh! This is important.
Hmm. I'd better check on your car.
Hey, baldy!
Heckling's uncool.
Do you want people heckling you while
you're playing your keyboard guitar?
Oh, that crow was full of.
This car's perfectly safe.
Hey, a grocery store.
That's not very funny.
I'm very tired, Moltar, zolar--you know what I'm talking about.
Sofar--you know what I'm talking about.
Get your ass over here now!
Hell, even at the comic shop here in town,
like, the Moltar action figure
is marked down 50%.
No.
It's the only one.
- That's more of this set exposure thing
- Well, they want, like,
13 bucks for it, so I guess they're
selling it for, like, 6.50 or something.
No.
Sad.
Right here, buddy.
I don't know.
The zorak one is 14.95, so, I mean,
they didn't even price Moltars.
I mean, they're all supposed to be priced the same.
Do you have some food for me?
Hmm? Uh-uh.
Hey, come on.
I--I never shut my refrigerator door.
I just-- ooh, gimme some of that.
Hmm? Nah.
What food are you gonna get?
Can you get thai food?
I really like thai food.
Zorak, Moltar, huddle up.
This guy's obviously hungry,
but we shouldn't have to share our food.
Zorak, you tell him.
You'll make it funny.
On two, readyBreak.
ReadyBreak!
- Ready
- Hey, funny man.
Got a joke for you.
What would that be?
I'm afraid to hear this.
You're not getting any of our Crow.
Well, thanks for coming on.
That's it?
Yup.
Come on.
How about a big hand for the hungry comedian?
Isn't he great?
Aw, hell. Dammit.
What?
The bees.
I forgot to tell the bees.
Well, thank you, bees.
I am looking forward to it.
Oh, that's very kind of you, bees.
Dickie said I could.
What do you mean?
I did, too, pay you back.
Look, Jack, that is such b.S.
What do you want from me?
It's got low mileage, and it does pull to the right.
Now--
Ok, then.
Ahh. And so, that's the story of the birds and the bees.
So, that car crash was a metaphor
for when the male sperm hits the ovum?
What?
No, bees steal cars.
Oh! So, the crow that shot lasers at zorak,
that was the metaphoric sperm.
Metaphslarga Crows shoot lasers.
Pay attention.
Why don't you put your clothes back on?
for my bank account, but, ahem
-Figures.
Zorak, Moltar, let me tell you the
story of the birds and the bees.
Wow!
Oh, don't be like that.
It's beautiful.
Greetings, universe and beyond.
I'm comedian Todd Barry.
Space Ghost.
Now, say hello to zorak and the original way outs.
Space Ghost, let me ask you something.
How come you never introduce me?
Do what, now?
At the beginning of each show, you introduce yourself,
you introduce zorak.
I just thought it would be nice one
time if you introduced me, too.
What's so funny?
Moltar, Moltar, Moltar.
You're only the director.
No one sees or cares about you.
Zorak and I are the talent.
I thought you hated zorak.
I do hate you.
Hey, Space Ghost, want to hear a funny joke?
See, Moltar, this is what I'm talking about.
Aaugh.
Quiet, Moltar. Your heat will throw off his timing,
and that's why you suck.
Ok, here we go.
Er, uh, umKnock, knock.
Um, who's there?
You.
Ha ha ha ha!
Well done, zorak.
So, anyway, Moltar, I'm always open to ideas that might make
the show better.
How 'bout I come out at the beginning
of every show and hit you upside
the head with a hammer?
I'd watch that show.
And light your teeth on fire and
puncture your eardrums with golf tees
until your spinal fluid leaks out.
Thank you, Moltar, but-- - but I do the hammer part.
You can do the lighting his teeth on fire part.
No, I do the hammer.
I do the hammer!
You always do the hammer!
I'm the hammer! Me!
Zorak is the hammer!
Zorak is the hammer!
All right, it's settled.
Zorak is the hammer.
Moltar, you suck.
Now, get off your metal ass and bring in my first guest!
But not right now.
Hmm
Where'd he go?
Moltar, the louder, the funnier.
What?
Oh, just do it.
- Now, mumbling when I
- What an ass.
No, no, no, no.
Turn it off, Moltar.
There's nothing in it.
Turning off in 20, 19, 18, 17, 16,
15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7--
6, fiver, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
All right, uh, let's see.
I can't believe you said ass, Moltar.
Space Ghost, you're an ass.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
Mercy.
Love that line.
Love that line.
Now, what are we doing?
Uh, I've got Todd Barry.
Oh.
Who is this guy?
I've ne--I've never seen him.
Has he been on Russell Simmons?
Uh, I don't know.
Ahh. Why don't we get him on the show?
Screw Todd Barry.
We--we sure we need this guy?
Quit looking at me!
I've never even heard of this guy.
- Um
- Hey, Todd. Ha ha ha!
Good to see you.
Thank you.
It says here you've got a car.
Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
Oh, you do, and it's nice.
I washed it.
Oh, gosh, thank you.
Thank you.
So, tell me about your private life.
- Uh
- I want to--I want to find out personal details.
I don't know.
Answer me!
I don't even know what I just said.
Yeah, I want to call you later at home.
You'll have to give me your home number,
'cause I'm gonna ask you
how much they're paying you.
You're kidding me.
That's weird.
I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you.
Uh, he said, "screw you, you ass."
Yeah, you're an ass!
How'd you know my middle name?
Ah, yes.
Todd, this crow is trying to tell us something.
No.
Is that the space cops coming?
No, it's something about your car.
It's in danger.
Are you serious?
Shh! Crows aren't interested in you. They like cars!
Hey, who doesn't?
Shh! This is important.
Hmm. I'd better check on your car.
Hey, baldy!
Heckling's uncool.
Do you want people heckling you while
you're playing your keyboard guitar?
Oh, that crow was full of.
This car's perfectly safe.
Hey, a grocery store.
That's not very funny.
I'm very tired, Moltar, zolar--you know what I'm talking about.
Sofar--you know what I'm talking about.
Get your ass over here now!
Hell, even at the comic shop here in town,
like, the Moltar action figure
is marked down 50%.
No.
It's the only one.
- That's more of this set exposure thing
- Well, they want, like,
13 bucks for it, so I guess they're
selling it for, like, 6.50 or something.
No.
Sad.
Right here, buddy.
I don't know.
The zorak one is 14.95, so, I mean,
they didn't even price Moltars.
I mean, they're all supposed to be priced the same.
Do you have some food for me?
Hmm? Uh-uh.
Hey, come on.
I--I never shut my refrigerator door.
I just-- ooh, gimme some of that.
Hmm? Nah.
What food are you gonna get?
Can you get thai food?
I really like thai food.
Zorak, Moltar, huddle up.
This guy's obviously hungry,
but we shouldn't have to share our food.
Zorak, you tell him.
You'll make it funny.
On two, readyBreak.
ReadyBreak!
- Ready
- Hey, funny man.
Got a joke for you.
What would that be?
I'm afraid to hear this.
You're not getting any of our Crow.
Well, thanks for coming on.
That's it?
Yup.
Come on.
How about a big hand for the hungry comedian?
Isn't he great?
Aw, hell. Dammit.
What?
The bees.
I forgot to tell the bees.
Well, thank you, bees.
I am looking forward to it.
Oh, that's very kind of you, bees.
Dickie said I could.
What do you mean?
I did, too, pay you back.
Look, Jack, that is such b.S.
What do you want from me?
It's got low mileage, and it does pull to the right.
Now--
Ok, then.
Ahh. And so, that's the story of the birds and the bees.
So, that car crash was a metaphor
for when the male sperm hits the ovum?
What?
No, bees steal cars.
Oh! So, the crow that shot lasers at zorak,
that was the metaphoric sperm.
Metaphslarga Crows shoot lasers.
Pay attention.
Why don't you put your clothes back on?