Futurama s08e04 Episode Script

1
[mysterious music playing]
[theme song playing]
♪
[whooshing, pop]
[grunts]
[whooshing, pop]
[grunts]
[whooshing, pop]
[Leela screaming, thud]
[dogs barking]
[Nibbler grunting, panting]
[sniffing]
Is your dog friendly
- or just ugly?
- Very friendly!
[Nibbler growls]
[dog yelps]
But, he's not a dog.
[slurps]
I am gonna sue you
for every last Ah!
[slurping]
[muffled] Pursuant to
[slurping]
Good dog.
♪
Tonight's winning number
was approximately six.
[Nibbler babbling]
[panting, grunting]
[loud blast]
Don't most pets eat at home
and poop outside,
- like college students?
- Nibbler prefers his litter box.
It contains precious sand
with essential minerals
from his home world.
[sparkling]
Plus, it's got nose-numbing crystals.
- So, that's why you never clean it!
- Uh, right.
And speaking of changing the subject,
who wants to see
the new alien language movie
by Bax Glygglif?
I heard it's brilliant!
When I go to the movies,
I don't wanna have to
look up from my phone.
- I'd like to see the film, Leela.
- Nibbler! You can talk!
You always forget I can talk.
Nibbler! You can talk!
[dramatic music playing]
[rumbling]
[alien screeching]
[audience crying]
[alien screeching]
[audience laughing]
What a romantic movie!
My heart just melted when Dupdup said
[both screech]
[both laughing]
Although I wasn't crazy
about that big floating head.
It was the best thing in the movie!
No, no. The one in front of me,
blocking my view.
[slurps]
♪
[beeping]
What's a 2x3x5 letter name
for a 3x23x29 number name
- for a movie featuring a 1x4x9 object?
- Easy.
- 2001: A Space Odyssey.
- Aha!
[game beeping]
[whirring]
Nibbler, you really are my BFF.
My best furry friend.
[grunting]
[stomach rumbling]
Too corny?
[grunting, retchs]
Merely a hairball. I'm perfectly
[retching, groaning]
[thud]
Uh, let's get that looked at.
♪
[grunting]
Well, he seems to have
eaten this endoscope.
- But also, he's got worms.
- Worms? That's all?
No. That's not all.
Let me finish speaking for once.
The worms are attacking his brain.
Without treatment,
he'll be left with the IQ of a terrier.
A Boston terrier.
- No!
- Mon Dieu!
Fortunately, there's a cure.
- What is it!? Sorry.
- Ivermectin.
It's a powerful dewormer, okay?
Now, if you're done interrupting,
we're finished.
- Thank you
- I! Wasn't! Finished!
♪
Just one pill every three hours.
Come on. Open wide.
[stubborn growling]
He won't listen.
His brain's going.
My mom always hid my medicine
in something yummy.
- Like paste.
- That's sad and dumb.
- How about cheese?
- Yes! Cheese!
Maybe Gouda. Or a nice brie!
[excited growling]
[chomps, happy humming]
♪
How's that medicine working?
You up for a game of Quantum Wordle?
Um, how about something more
deterministic, like tic-tac-toe?
- Tic-tac-toe?
- FRY: Ooh! I love that game!
You know, there's a trick to winning.
[whispers] Always be X.
- Would you like to play?
- Sure! I'll be O.
You need more medicine, Nibbler.
Want some Manchego?
Make it American.
In individual plastic-wrapped slices.
- [dramatic sting]
- No!
Leela, what's happening to me?
I've been taking all my pills
like a good boy, yet still, I
I feel my smartness slipping away.
I don't know, little Fuzzler.
[melodramatic music playing]
[sniffling]
Sad news, everyone.
Oh good, you're already crying.
Nibbler's medicine is killing
the worms in his body,
but they've also infested
the litter box itself.
They reinfect him every time he uses it.
- Then throw out the litter.
- No! He needs it to live!
It's from his ancestral pooping grounds.
- Isn't there some other way?
- Only one.
But, fortunately, it's dead simple.
You must shrink down
and battle the worms
face-to-face!
- Really? That sounds gross.
- Oh my, yes.
- And dangerous.
- Oh my, yes!
- At least it's dead simple.
- That's where you're wrong!
[dramatic sting]
Remember my enlarging ray?
- CREW: No.
- By reversing the lens,
it becomes an all-new kind of ray
that keeps things the same size.
Then, with just a few minor adjustments
[beeping] Voilà!
Shrinking ray!
[ray blasts, ship whirring]
[growling]
Once you're in, you'll kill the worms
with high-powered rifles
loaded with deadly rounds
of liquid ivermectin.
And you'll travel in this toy tank
I enlarged with my enlarging ray.
[impressed murmuring]
BENDER: Neat.
- And this track?
- Track?
Oh, right!
It came with the set.
Everybody in.
Enjoy the carnage!
[Fry and Leela grunting]
[cover creaks, slams]
- Amy, shove it!
- No! You shove it!
Oh. You mean this thing.
[grunting]
[adventurous music playing]
[all yelling]
[ray blasting]
[whirring]
Whoopsie-doops!
[blasting, whirring]
[gasps] My Manwich!
[crew yelling]
[whirring]
Go, baby, go!
[crew yelling]
[beep]
[fire whooshing]
[yelling]
[dramatic crescendo]
[quiet thud]
[on radio]
Whatever you do, don't leave the tank.
It's your only protection
against the brutal desert conditions.
[sand shifting]
[crew screaming]
And no screaming!
[tense music playing]
[wind blowing]
[all coughing, spitting]
[squeaking]
[clang]
[wind blowing]
Poor Nibbler is counting on us
to find those worms,
no matter how grueling the hunt.
Then, we'll need litter box food.
Maybe we can eat those
weird pygmy hyena moles.
[chomp]
Ow!
[cackling]
[mystical music playing]
Orange sparklies?
Zoidberg's going to bedazzle his lungs!
[inhales]
[dramatic crescendo]
[psychedelic music playing]
[echoing]
Zoidberg? Are you okay?
- They're coming, why not.
- Who's coming?
I don't know.
Maybe those guys?
[tense music playing]
[rumbling]
[scuttling]
♪
[all groaning]
Stop, or we'll shoot!
Ugh! Blech! They're attacking!
Prepare to fire!
[guns cocking]
FRY: Hang on a sec!
I'm taking a whiz.
[urinating]
At least one of you has manners.
I thank you for your gift of moisture.
- No problem!
- We've come in search of parasitic worms,
so we can slaughter them violently.
Are you them?
Alas, no.
The sandworms are our enemies, too.
We are beetles.
Ah, of course. Dung beetles.
It is pronounced Doong.
The G is almost silent.
Welcome to the world of Doon
g.
The ancient prophecy
speaks of a messiah.
Could he be the Kwiznos Cadillach?
[dramatic music playing]
Nope.
The sun grows hot,
and my deodorant grows weak.
Please, join us in the Hall of Doong.
I'm gonna try those big meatballs.
[tense music playing]
Can I offer anyone some spit?
- We have flat and sparkling.
- I will have two of each.
[spitting]
The sandworms you seek roam the desert,
devouring all in their path.
Behold! A map of the universe.
[snickering]
The worms congregate here,
by the great sphere.
But your journey will be treacherous,
for virtually all paths end in death.
[beeping]
- Then let's just take the shortest one.
- To help you navigate safely,
I must use the glitter chamber,
which allows me to see
all realities at once.
- I won't lie, it's pretty cool.
- That's what Zoidberg snorted.
- Does that make me cool?
- Absolutely not!
Only shamans
may use the sacred chamber.
For anyone else,
it could induce a medical-grade freakout!
Like Narlo here.
Dude, I feel like I'm spinning
[sparkling]
[mystical music playing]
[mystical vocalizing]
- [device beeping]
- Has anyone seen my
Oh!
[snarling]
Aha! Give me that slipper!
Drop it!
Whoa! Oh!
It's ruined!
Bad Nibbler!
[gasps] I can't help it!
[howling]
- It's those damnable worms!
- There, there. I know what might help.
No! No, I beg of you!
Not the cone of shame!
[somber music playing]
[quiet crying]
[intense music playing]
[mystical vocalizing]
[sparkling]
I see the way.
And I have a serious craving for frosting.
[slurping]
Mm [slurps]
Make a right at the large sand mound,
then a left at the medium-sized mound.
After the fifth mound,
you'll see a mound.
- So many mounds!
- One wrong mound means certain death.
Or just take the roach-thopter.
[wings fluttering]
- Bleh!
- Then, you'll need a guide. Bilgar!
Bilgar is our second-best guide.
Our best guide got eaten by a sandworm.
Listen to him closely,
and do most of what he says.
[exotic music playing]
The worms are attracted
to the rhythmic pattern
of Doong beetle footsteps.
Whatever you do,
do not walk like a Doong beetle.
Oops!
[clicking, whirring]
[exotic music continues]
Even in this hostile environment,
life thrives.
For example, the veiny pus fungus.
[disgusted groans]
And the hairless sand pigeon.
[louder groans]
Every living creature here
is a total barf bag!
Uh, n-no offense, Bilgar.
These little crawly guys are cute.
Hello, friends.
[scuttling]
[Fry and Leela gag]
BENDER:
That's the worst one of all!
[exotic music continues]
This final expanse is where
our best guide was devoured.
[flame sizzles]
- So, what do we do?
- Exactly what he did.
I'll create a diversion
by setting off a pounder.
[rhythmic pounding]
Hey, you know my grandfather
was a pounder.
It simulates beetle footsteps
to attract the worms.
Go, run!
[panting]
[Zoidberg whooping]
Don't worry about me.
Our best guy taught me everything he
[screaming]
[sandworm bellows]
[Bilgar screaming]
Hey, I guess that makes me
a quarter-pounder.
[sandworm bellowing, roaring]
[all screaming]
[adventurous music playing]
[all panting]
[all exclaiming]
LEELA: Oh!
Fry, why don't you have a belt?
- Or at least a substantial butt!?
- Sorry, guys, I'm a flatty.
[all screaming]
[sparkling]
Oh, right. Sand.
[mystical music playing]
Hey! Don't bogart that glitter!
- It's coming.
- What's coming?
- A tasty wienerschnitzel?
- A funny monkey?
Sandstorm!
[wind howling]
[all yelling]
[grunting]
[wind howling]
[coughing, groaning]
It's hopeless!
We don't have a guide!
We don't know where we are!
The dust is drying out my skin!
[clang] Ow!
[vibrating]
[clang]
[epic music playing]
LEELA:
The sphere! We made it!
Great work, Bender!
This is it. Arm squirt guns!
[plastic pumping]
But we lost that poundy thing
that attracts the worms.
Ah, but we have Tappy and Shoe-shoe!
They call me the two-ton Fred Astaire.
[rattling, squeaking]
Yep. Yep.
- The jitterbug?
- The litter bug!
He's a dancing machine!
[grunts, sighs]
[clapping]
[loud rumbling]
[growling, snarling]
Set squirties to kill!
[snarling]
- [Bender and Leela gasp]
- It's worms within worms!
[thudding]
[squeaky voice]
I am the God Emperor of Doon g.
It's them! The parasites that
are making Nibbler stupid!
I know you. You're those worms
that used to live in my tum-tum.
- Only you made me smarter.
- I'll take your word for it.
Look, you seem like
a nice swarm of maggots,
but you're making my friend Nibbler sick.
- Can't you just infest Zoidberg?
- Ew! We prefer to live free,
here among the tumble-turds.
Then prepare for me to say fire.
Fire!
[worm yelps]
That was my second-best guard!
Worms, form a defensive squiggle!
[worms shouting]
[both yell]
[adventurous music playing]
Oh
[Bender laughing]
[worm yelping, grunting]
FRY: Good job
knot!
[Fry laughs]
[worms screaming]
[music swells]
[panting]
[sniffing]
[dramatic music playing]
Whoa
Look! Up in the sky!
- It's a bird!
- It's a turd!
It's Nibbler!
- [beep]
- Stop! Stop fighting!
♪
Okay, I'm done.
Nibbler? Are you alright?
How dumb are you on
a scale of one to Fry?
I can't even count that high anymore.
But please listen.
I have important things to say,
while I still can.
[wind blowing]
[wings fluttering]
♪
[mystical vocalizing]
It is he! The Messiah!
As pictured in the ancient scripture.
It shows him with blonde hair
and blue eyes,
but the rest is spot on.
I only wish I had more time left
to appreciate this
glittering litter land.
Everywhere I look, I see beauty.
Really?
'Cause I'm seeing poop.
Open your minds and see as I see.
All life is connected in
a glorious web. [sparkling]
The pus fungus draws life from the dust
and is eaten by the skin pigeon,
which in turn feeds the pygmy hyena mole.
- [chomp]
- Ow That's cool.
NIBBLER:
The beetles process the dung
It's pronounced doong.
Uh, sorry, Messiah. Keep going.
As for the worms
[sparkling]
well, they feed on my brain.
And that in itself is blutier
Um, uh, boo-too-poo-pool.
[stammering]
Pretty.
Everything is interconnected.
Everything is perfect.
So please, leave these
worms to play their part,
and I
I will happily play mine,
even if it means sacrificing all that I am
and becoming a mindless house pet.
[crying]
[slurping]
I accept your gift of precious liquid.
Finally, you learn some manners.
♪
[Nibbler's craft whirring]
[ray blasts, ship whirs]
[pop]
[all exclaim]
[Nibbler whimpers]
One last 3D crossword
before your brain turns to jello?
Alas, my mind has already
degenerated to the point
where I can no longer predict the ending
of an M. Night Shyamalan movie.
[all gasp]
[sobs]
B-But you're my little Fuzzler.
When all else is gone,
I shall remember that.
Oh, Nibbler!
I know you've made your mind up,
o-or what's left of it,
but please don't let the worms
eat your consciousness!
Now, now, my cherished friend.
Though my mental,
uh, brain may deteriorate,
I will always look back
on what we had with
big happy.
And you is be my buddy and
so, so
itchy.
[whimpering]
Leela, give belly rub.
[cooing]
[sobbing]
[somber music playing]
[crying, sniffles]
Aw, Leela, I hate seeing you like this.
You wanna blow your nose on my shirt?
[blows nose]
Thanks, Fry.
I know this is what Nibbler wanted,
but I can't wrap my head around it.
If only I could open my mind to the beauty
he was blabbering on about.
[gasps]
[ray blast, whirring]
[dramatic music playing]
[engines roaring]
Please. The chamber is my only
hope of truly understanding!
Well, then find another only hope.
Pure, uncut glitter is dangerous.
You could end up
permanently tasting colors.
- Or smelling sounds.
- I can smell sound.
Fry's singing stinks up
the whole apartment.
Yeah! And if you don't let Leela
use the chamber,
I'm gonna stink up this whole place.
I feel a song coming on! ♪
[retching]
Fine! Go nuts.
[whooshing, sparkling]
[mystical music playing]
[mystical vocalizing]
[young beetles giggling]
[whooshing, sparkling]
I see the way.
[coughing]
Everything Nibbler said was true.
Duh. He's the Messiah.
- But he did miss one thing.
- He works in mysterious ways.
These parasitic worms should be
making Nibbler smarter,
- like when Fry had them.
- So why aren't we?
Because the web of life
extends even deeper
than Nibbler perceived.
You worms have been
weakened by sub-parasites!
[dramatic sting]
[scuttling]
[disgusted groans]
Oh, that is gross, man!
These tiny mites are sapping
your beneficial juices.
[loudly] I have been
a little low-energy lately!
[scuttling]
[slurps] I'm feeding on
worm juice with friends!
That's it! I'm out!
Sorry I didn't mention
I was shrinking myself.
You guys must have been worried sick.
[Fry clears throat]
There are levels
within levels within levels.
That's too many levels!
We've gotta kill those mites!
What!? But what about the
precious web of blah-biddy-blah?
You have to draw the line somewhere.
Stomp those suckers!
Kill 'em all!
[panicked yelling]
[grunting]
[dramatic music playing]
It's showtime!
Care to smoosh?
[shoes tapping]
Bender, stop! It's me, Zoidberg!
Sorry! I can't hear your screams
over the tapping!
[groaning, grunts]
Dah!
[toy squeaking]
[Nibbler grumbling]
You're gonna be okay.
But what about you, Leela?
You were in that
dangerous glitter chamber.
[echoing]
Did your senses get scrambled?
Nah, it's fine.
The interwoven dependency of all
things was the ultimate epiphany.
Yet, thanks to Leela's unwavering
loyalty and utmost bravery,
my consciousness returned to
ponder another glorious phase
of our universe's evolution.
Good.
[chattering]
[sniffles] You're my little Fuzzler.
I remember.
[purring]
[gentle music playing]
♪