Geordie Shore (2011) s08e04 Episode Script

The Geordies are back in the Toon.
Wicked! We are doing what we do best.
Fuck me.
Partying.
Tashing on.
Getting mortal.
Shagging.
It's insane! Shit's about to get real.
Oh, my God.
I hope that getting this pet will bring Charlotte back.
I don't want Charlotte.
Fuck off tortoises.
We should do a fitness challenge.
A long assault course and fire and tunnels and shit.
All I wanna do is shove a big sausage in my face.
Oi, oi.
Double date has to happen.
We're having a wicked time.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh, my God! This will ruin everything.
Awkward.
This isn't a nice welcome.
It's not me, Gary! I've got to give it up with Gary.
Fuck my life.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
I'm a natural beauty.
Real boobs, real hair.
I'm gonna tear the place up.
I've never kissed anyone without a six pack.
Hardest graft I've done is me hair.
Cheeky, colourful, full of mischief.
I'm flirty and I've got double Fs.
Gonna make sparks fly, get everyone feisty.
Geordie Shore, why-aye! I've woken up this morning and who's laid next to me? It's only Charlotte.
So now we're back reunited and the first time I chose to come in and you were fucking mortal.
You didn't even recognise us.
I've got my best friend back.
You pissed the sofa.
Did I? Yeah, there was a wet patch.
I'm back in Geordie Shore and I've already pissed on something.
One thing hasn't changed.
I pissed the bed, you know.
You pissed the pillow next to me head.
What do you mean? You didn't piss any of the bed, you pissed this one pillow.
Look.
Does it smell like wee? If that's wee it's a nice scent.
Is it? Mm.
Aw, synchronised pissing.
Me and you, back together.
We're the only ones not getting with people in the house.
I'm so glad I've got someone.
You've got me, you've always had me.
I slept in Gary's bed again last night.
I don't know how this is gonna make it with me and Charlotte.
Yeah, Charlotte's back, I just hope she isn't doing what she always does and that's get in everyone's head and turn everyone against us.
Morning.
Morning.
It's nice to wake up with Aaron.
Still a little bit awkward.
She's trying to say she slept here cos there's no other beds, not that old chestnut, you love it.
I think we had a successful first date.
Poor Marnie.
Charlotte was such a massive part of Gary's life, it will be tough for Marnie.
I'm going into the shag pad, I need to get to know these tortoises.
These are my pets after all, I need to figure out which one's a boy, which one's a girl and what I'm gonna call them.
I need to bond.
Is that a vagina? I can't believe they've been living for all this time with no name.
Sheldon and Michelle.
Oh, my God! What the fuck is that, man? Oh, that is a joke! You do not do that on people! You can fuck off back in your shells.
We've bonded enough.
Hi.
I need a hand.
It's pooed? All over us.
I just wanna make sure everything's OK with me and Charlotte.
How did you feel when you walked in? It was a bit awkward.
It was, wasn't it? It wasn't awkward, just weird.
Even though I know that you don't give a shit about Gary at all, I still wanted to stop what was going on when you were here.
Don't stop anything, Marnie.
I'm not bothered, I don't mind.
Marnie's saying she's not gonna be close to Gary while I'm around.
Why?! I don't care! Go and suck him off right now.
Everyone can forget about me and Gary, which is what I've wanted.
She feels exactly the same way as she did last night.
It's a relief that I've took Gary off her hands.
I think we kissed last night you know, Charlotte.
Like snogged? Like tongues.
Marnie's reminding us about how we were kissing last night.
This wasn't just a peck, it was a full on tongue kiss.
Eurgh.
Be careful of the poo.
Oh, I've just got some on me arm.
We ready to rock? Buzzing.
Scott and Holly don't seem to be taking this challenge seriously and Charlotte needs all the help she can get.
I'm taking them on an assault course whether they like it or not.
We've arrived at Mud City.
I'm gonna put you through a few obstacles, so you will be getting muddy, wet.
We've gotta do this stupid obstacle course, I'm absolutely fuming.
James is a twat.
That's it.
So I'm on the monkey bars, swinging round like a fucking orangutan.
Whereas the hippos and the fairy princess find it hard.
Go! Yes, yeah! Yeah.
This assault course isn't gonna know what hit it.
Fucking hell.
Oh, my God.
Now I don't wanna be crawling into a little black hole and not knowing where it leads.
I know the boys do it every night, but not me.
Get out! Holly better watch out she doesn't burst one of her inflatables.
Running in mud under ropes, running in mud under nets, this is shit.
What better way to get clean than jump in the river? Oh, my God! James is winging that it's cold but I think it's warm as out, cos I'm pure solid.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're getting in.
We tell the boys we'll jump in.
That's it, now kick your legs.
Kick.
Did you think we were actually gonna do that? Where the fuck are the girls? Marnie came up to us again trying to talk about this her and Gary thing.
What does she mean though? She's just saying I hope I'm OK and she knows it's against girl code.
Eh? Why would Charlotte be bothered? It's only Marnie making the situation awkward.
Charlotte has a boyfriend.
She was like, "We'll stop doing stuff in front of you", I was like "Why?" I've got a boyfriend, I've been with him for over a year now, like, just do what you've gotta do with Gary, nothing's weird here, you're the one making it weird.
I think she's looking for a seal of approval.
Why does Marnie feel the need to have to come to me for my consent? I'm not bothered.
Do what youse want to do.
Me and Gary are so 2004.
I never want to hear Gary and Charlotte in a sentence again.
No.
Everyone else has gone to do an assault course.
Fuck that.
Me and Aaron, Marnie and Vicky and now it's time for our second date and believe me, there'll be no candles involved.
Girls are gonna fucking kill us when they find out.
If they're in wedges and a dress I'll piss myself.
Vicky they've just told us that they're gonna take us on a date.
Me and Vicky have no idea what this date is gonna entail.
Hopefully something like we done for them.
Have you any more sort of inclination? Dressy caj.
Dressy caj? Who do they think they are, Gok Wan? Where on earth did they even learn these phrases? Where we going, lads? The girls are hoping we've done something nice but come on, it's me and Gary, that's not how we roll.
Oh, no! The double date is paintballing.
Typical lads, always thinking about themselves.
It's not that I'm not excited about paintballing, it's just that I don't wanna do it.
Can I have an extra one? I'm taking no chances in this situation.
I'm going into it like every woman should go into having sex with Gaz.
With extra fucking protection.
It's time to let the battle of the couples commence.
Couple versus couple? I'm at a disadvantage because all Vicky cares about is her hair and her nails.
Vicky tried though.
Paintballing was a success.
Girls weren't impressed at first, but fumbling around in the woods put a smile on their face.
Thank you for the second date, it's been really nice.
You think there'll be a third? Me and Aaron had a good time on the first date, second date's going well, so logical conclusion would be third date, yes? We get on well as mates, so I think that's fair to say.
All right, mate, I fucking get it.
Third date's off the cards.
I'm hardly gonna be crying in my pillow.
Fucking hell.
Me and Marnie had a wicked time paintballing, but I feel it's time to tell her that I'm never gonna go on a third date, it was sex and fun but I wanna pie things off.
Right.
So Gary's telling us that me and him should cool things off so I can spend time with the girls, basically he's pied us.
I'm absolutely fuming.
But my priority is fitting in with the girls, I never wanna go through what I went through last time.
Oh, my God! Don't panic, they're Charlotte's.
They've got a bit of poo on.
Oh, God.
Me and James need to get Gaz and Aaron away from these birds and what better way than to have a lads' night? Just the boys.
Yes.
Tonight is perfect for a lads' night out.
I've just palmed off Marnie, Aaron's just palmed off Vicky and now we can do what we want without them watching every single move.
Aaron and Gary both pied me and Vicky, he's bound to pull on the lads' night.
How it'll make us feel I'm not sure.
So what the hell's going on? Why? What happened? Come on.
Stop it.
You need to fill us in, man.
Fuck the lads, where do they get off telling us they're having a lads' night? I'm not fucking having this.
We're going out.
We're just not fucking telling them.
We'll have a better night than they ever could.
To pissing and ruining.
To pissing and ruining.
It's lads' night tonight and we're in Bijoux, buzzing.
Tonight is the perfect chance to pull birds and show the girls that there is no more double dates.
Youse have been pied off and we're moving on.
Finally got Gaz back as me wingman.
You two don't look very ready.
We've decided we're not coming out.
Vicky and Marnie are cock blocking the lads, they're gonna ruin their night, it's hilarious, but me and Charlotte are hungover, we're going to bed.
Holly and Charlotte dropped me and Marnie in it at the last minute, now we're gonna look like psycho bunny boilers out to cock block.
I'm having the most perfect lads' night ever.
I've pied off Marnie, I'm allowed to pull, whether she kicks off or not I'm still gonna do it.
The lads think they're clever having a boys' night, fuck it.
No, Marnie! Surprise fucking surprise, in come Marnie and fucking Vicky like queen bees and spoil the whole night.
I fucking knew it, Gary's sat there with a girl at each side of him.
He won't even look at us.
If this situation is awkward he's making it much worse.
Marnie acts like she's not bothered, but I think we all know that she really is.
Gary thinks he's so clever, but two can play at that game and I'm better at it and I've spotted Scott's friend Kieran.
I'm sure Marnie thinks that we are 14 years old, running around school, "Look, Gary kissed a girl so I'm gonna go and kiss another boy.
" I don't give a fuck.
Exactly.
I hate to admit it, but I'm glad Vicky's here.
Nice to have some female attention.
I thought Aaron on his first lads' night out would have pulled some birds with me and Scott, but he hasn't, he's gone to the fucking dark side.
Marnie's trying to get a reaction but I know I've got my wingman back and he doesn't give a fuck.
Marnie? Me and Scott go straight to bed.
I don't wanna hang with girls who spoilt our night and I don't wanna wake up tomorrow morning and I've done something I regret.
Me and Aaron didn't pull anyone else, so we're gonna come home, have a little bit of a kiss, a little bit of a cuddle.
No, let's go to bed.
I'm fucking shattered.
I can't believe last night they turned up and ruined a lads' night, we wouldn't do that to them.
At least she came, seen me kissing a girl and now she might actually move on.
So what happened last night then? Well, it was an interesting one.
Last night I caught Gary with another girl, I know where I stand.
It felt awkward and it really annoyed us, cos I thought, "Why is it awkward?" I think Aaron was genuinely happy, sees his two housemates turn up.
Last night wasn't awkward.
Me and Aaron are getting on great, it was a win for me.
Did they bring girls back? No, we walked in and the lasses walked out.
I said where have they gone? I think they ran away.
Hello? "Is that Vicky?" It is indeed, is that Anna? "It is, Vicky, yes.
" I smashed it, Anna, didn't I? Oh, tash on, why-aye.
Fuck off.
We've been doing so well in Newcastle she's decided to take her operation national.
Guess what.
We're going to Manchester for a Tash on Tour.
Get in.
Buzzing.
I'm buzzing like Holly's underwear drawer.
No rules, we just have to get the whole of Manchester tashing on.
The lads seem really excited about heading to Manchester.
Could they be excited about a different city's culture? No, it's the prospect of fresh fanny.
Get up.
I can't fucking wait.
Mint to get out of this house for a bit.
I dunno which way to Manchester, but I know it's canny close.
Girls on tour, girls on tour, girls on tour.
Girls' night tonight.
I love how the lasses are getting on, we're gonna have loads of fun and me and Vicky are gonna pull boys.
Manchester, Manchester, Manchester.
That was an M.
It's the girls' room! Manchester, we've arrived.
We're so excited to be here, we're even going for pre drinks, drinks before the actual drinks.
Who even invented this? Shot time.
So we're in a shot bar and there's only one thing to do.
Drink some shots.
Shit gets crazy when you down shots in Manchester, shit gets crazy when you down shots in Manchester.
All I came here to do is have so much fun.
Yeah.
I just wanna be laughing every two seconds.
Ha, ha, ha.
I don't understand how Charlotte and Marnie, two people who have never, ever got on all of a sudden are best mates, what's all that about? Obviously when I came in you and Gary were like, together.
Yeah.
I've noticed Marnie pulling away from Gary and I don't wanna be the reason for that.
I need to let her know I'm 100% supportive of her and Gary.
It was a total bad move to start with, I shouldn't have gone there.
I don't think you should think it was a bad move, you just tried it.
Yeah.
Yeah, it didn't work.
And you had fun.
Yeah.
And it's not like it hasn't worked yet.
Charlotte, who I've had a very crazy past with and girl I just pied off having a chat.
That is like juggling live grenades.
It's unbelievable how Charlotte can change a house, it's gone back to boys versus girls.
What the girls can't see is they have changed when Charlotte came in.
Whether Charlotte knows or not, it has and it's girls V boys and that never goes down well.
It's the first time we're taking Tash on Tours outside of Newcastle and I really wanna do Anna proud.
Basically we just have to get everyone to neck on, mint.
So, ready to do this? We're gonna show these Mancs what Geordies are made of and smash it.
You are all here because you're single.
We are here for our first Tash on Tours, we just want everyone to have fun, to get drunk and ultimately neck on.
I really like these single nights, I feel like the fairy tash mother getting everyone together.
I can't pull myself, but I can definitely make other people pull, because I am like Cilla Black with brown hair.
Can someone neck on with her? Neck on.
Go on.
We're not good at our jobs, but Tash on Tours we are absolutely smashing.
It's only fair that sometimes I do have to take one for my team and when I spot a handsome stranger standing there without a kissing sticker, I just have to neck on.
There's no point trying to compete with Vicky, she has got the sluttiest mouth in the north east.
Vicky tells us she's had a really bad snog.
Minging.
Got birds hanging off left, right and centre.
There's loads of naughty birds and everyone seems game as fuck.
I feel sorry for all the people turning up to Tash on Tours realising they're not gonna be able to get with me.
Soz, I'm taken.
Scott is with this girl with massive boobs and nipples on show.
I can't resist touching them.
No.
Oh, my God, they feel so nice.
Tonight is a total success.
There's tashing on all over the shop and I'm pretty sure I just saw someone slip a finger in.
Everyone's tashing on, lips locking everywhere, Anna is gonna be happy.
Holly has changed since Charlotte came, she's acting like Charlotte's lap dog.
If things keep going on there's gonna be a massive boy-girl divide, a boy-girl divide that was never ever there before Charlotte came.
Yes! Yes! It's now time to let our hair done and get pissed.
Balls deep, balls deep.
We haven't been in the club two minutes and Aaron's come over to me and told me Charlotte's caused the divide.
Aaron has been here five minutes, I dunno who the fuck he thinks he is.
Holly can defend Charlotte, but it's obvious things changed since she came in, for the worse.
Yeah, yeah, but why? Why? Why? Why? I can't believe the way the girls spoke to us, now there's definitely a divide, you fucking tramp.
I never spent any time with Aaron anyway and now I won't fucking want to.
Holly and Aaron have fallen out, nobody's speaking to each other me, I'm just fucking pissed.
The dynamics in the house have changed, I'm not arguing, but I don't think it's fair to blame Charlotte, Gary's just using her as a scapegoat.
I'm glad Vicky agrees, hopefully she can speak to the girls and get us back to being a family.
Ever since I walked in this house the lads pied the girls off and then wanted to go out on a lads' night.
How is that me causing a boy-girl divide? That is the boys causing the boy-girl divide! I thought coming down to Manchester we'd have all had an amazing time, but seems like this lot just wanna fucking argue, we may as well have stayed in Newcastle.
What? Gary's been giving it the big 'un to all the lads and as soon as he talks to Charlotte he drops his arse, fucking pussy.
I'm fed up of Gary shit stirring all the time, so I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna confront him and anything he's got to say he can say it to me face.
Whether she knows it or not, this happened because of her.
I've made it quite clear that I am perfectly fine and happy with Gary and Marnie getting together.
What do I need to do? Shove Gary's penis into Marnie's vagina for everyone to see that? The root of this problem is coming from Gary and Marnie, so they should go and sort this problem out by themselves.
So Gary's trying to worm his way back in by flirting and telling us I'm fit, it's not gonna work.
I do like Aaron, but when he's had a drink he turns into an absolute Larry lightweight.
It just so happens when I'm drunk I turn into a bit of a slaggy Suzie and slaggy Suzie loves herself a bit of Larry lightweight.
We have an incredible bond it focuses solely around tequila.
Looks like everyone is far too pissed to worry about this boy-girl divide, it's time to leave the club and get back to the apartment.
Right, I'm sick of you.
I'm going to bed.
I dunno whether I'm coming or going.
One minute Gary and Aaron say they don't want Vicky and Marnie, next minute they do.
These lot need to go to couples therapy.
I'm tired, I'm pissed, I'm gonna take Larry lightweight to bed and have a spoon, why not? Vicky and Aaron have gone to bed and pinched my room.
Where am I gonna sleep? I'm encouraging Gary to sleep in my bed with Marnie, but Marnie doesn't seem up for it at all.
How many times do I have to say you have nothing to worry about? Stop it though.
You honestly think I would go back there after the situation we've had? Charlotte won't let it go and the fact she keeps on saying she's all right with me and Gary is making us think she's not.
Last night just got massively out of hand and I hope today everyone is OK.
Gary's adamant Charlotte's to blame for the divide, but he is, him and the boys asked for a boys' night, what did he expect to happen? What's the matter? Come here.
Everyone is talking about me causing a divide.
What the fuck is up with that? Why the fuck would someone wanna be so fucking horrible? I just dunno why I've come in and it seems like everyone is literally I dunno, I come in and I just wanted to get along with everyone and have a good time and somehow I just feel like everyone hates us.
I'm so angry that everyone's made Charlotte feel this way.
She's crying her fucking eyes out and she hasn't done anything wrong.
I had such high hopes for Manchester.
Gary's blaming Charlotte, Charlotte's having none of it, what a disaster.
Let's get everything sorted, let's just do it today.
Right, we'll go for lunch and we'll just say, "If you've got a problem say it now.
" All we need to do is go out today, get something to eat, cure the hangovers and sort this all out.
We're not gonna come for lunch.
We're going somewhere else.
We're going to like, a planetarium.
So what do Holly and Charlotte do? Go to a fucking museum.
Bye, enjoy lunch.
Bye, bye.
Perfect timing, girls.
Sorted.
Can't wait for some nice food, like.
Charlotte and Holly's argument is that there is not a divide and if there is they're not to blame, but by not turning up to brunch today they're causing one.
Me and Charlotte can't be bothered, we're gonna go and do something fun, we're going to a museum.
Oh, my God, this is so weird, I've never done this before.
I don't think the boys have evolved yet.
Nah.
They haven't grown a backbone.
I feel much better now.
I'm just glad we've did some kind of activity to get our minds off what's going on at the minute.
I know.
Aaron came up to me like, "You've changed since Charlotte came.
" I was like, "I'm not being funny, you've been here five minutes, shut the fuck up.
" "You don't have a clue what you're talking about.
" James not knowing what's going on.
James is definitely the middle one.
Scott's definitely a big one.
Yeah, yeah, dopey looking.
Manchester was a disaster and everything still isn't resolved with the girls and boys.
Hopefully we'll sort it out when we get back.
Getting back to our house, I hope Manchester's been forgotten.
I want everyone to get along and things will be so much easier.
Hiya.
Nice of you to fucking turn up, like.
In walks Charlotte and Holly, time these two turned up.
Hi, everyone.
Glad to have yous back, the family.
Me and Holly get back and the atmosphere's amazing.
Everyone laughing, drinking, playing ping pong, it's like I stepped into a different house.
Family! To family! Fucking family! Does this actually mean the drama's forgotten? Is this not gonna get brought up again? I highly doubt it.
Is everyone excited? Yeah.
No-one really wants to talk about last night cos it's so awkward, so we're all pretending that we're all fine and one big happy family.
Everyone's having an amazing night, smiles on their faces tonight could be the night everyone gets on.
I think I'm starting to like Gary again and I don't know what the fuck to do.
I'm scared Gary's gonna pie us, but Vicky's convincing us he won't.
I just hope she's right.
Tonight Aaron needs to wind his fucking neck in, forget about shit with Vicky and pull a new bird.
What better weapon of choice than to have Scotty T help him on his quest to find a fucking golden boss? I don't care if I'm making Gary feel uncomfortable, I need to tell him how I feel and he just needs to listen.
The F bomb, feelings.
There's no way I'm discussing feelings with pissed Marnie.
This can wait until she's sober tomorrow.
I hate the way Gary knows exactly what to say to win us back round.
He knows I love a cuddle.
The only way to make things better is to sort this shit out, Gary is the only one who's stirring this all up and causing a problem.
We agree we're gonna be friends and no more bitching behind me back.
It's actually nice that me and Charlotte, after everything, are still friends, that even amazes me.
So, I can see Gary and Charlotte talking and I know it's daft, but I'm drunk and I'm getting a little bit jealous.
It's always in the back of my mind that things between Charlotte and Gary isn't resolved.
I never thought that Charlotte would be the one to make us feel better, they're only friends and there's nothing between them any more.
Marnie's telling us that she's got feelings for Gary and I'm over the moon that she's admitting it to herself as well.
I think she should be careful, because Gary's not the best of people to start liking.
Tonight I just need to make sure I stay strong and don't sleep with Gary.
I must be fucking mortal, now I'm necking on with Gary in the taxi.
What's wrong with us? Yeah, all mine! We get back to the house, hoping for a little bit of a tash on, a little bit of a spoon with Aaron, typically he's completely mortal, so I put him to bed, take his shoes off and turn out the lights.
It's getting a bit like having a drunken labradoodle.
Now that Marnie's dropped the F bomb this cannot keep going much longer, I need to get one last bang out of her before shit goes west.
This is the end of me and Gary.
He can fuck off.
I thought you were me mate.
How two faced do you wanna be? I'm really, really sorry.
He point blank hates us.
Just leave it, man.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, there's a new boy in the house.
Welcome to the Geordie Shore house, please enter here or here.
I'm buzzing to get this party started.