Geordie Shore (2011) s08e05 Episode Script

I should have a degree in pulling.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
I'm a natural beauty, real boobs, real hair.
I'm gonna tear the place up.
I'd never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
Hardest graft is doing me hair.
I'm cheeky, colourful and full of mischief.
I'm fit, flirty and I've got double-Fs.
I'll make sparks fly and get everyone feisty.
Geordie Shore, whey-aye.
I'm minging.
I don't know how I went from stone-cold sober to this.
I've woken up, I'm so hung-over.
What the fuck went on? What? Fucking Asked Aaron on a third date.
A third? What the fuck? I turn into such a fucking girl when I've had a drink.
You know what happens on a third date? You get fingered.
Everybody knows.
Does she not know? No.
You have to.
It's a rule.
There'll be no fingering gaaning on here! I'll tell you that for nowt.
No! Oh, my God.
Take a good look at your relationship history, lasses.
You set of slags.
Marnie, did you scuttle Gaz? Well, I got on top.
I slept with Gary again.
Even though I told him I was worried I might get feelings.
Shit.
I was talking to Gary last night I even told you, Charlotte, that if I continue to sleep with Gary I will get feelings.
You're only human.
If we carry on like this, I'm gonna get hurt.
I must put a stop to it.
If you wanna know how he feels, you need to speak to him.
I didn't ever think there'd be a time that the whole Gary and Charlotte thing would finally be dropped and it's happened It's now Gary and Marnie! Yes! Red alert, red alert.
Aw, mate.
You are F-bombed, mate.
Everyone's taking the piss out of me cos Marnie said she had feelings.
They know now I'm fucked.
You still jumped in bed with her? Basically you had feelings sex last night.
Feelings plus shagging equals making love.
I was shocked last night, I genuinely was like, "What did you say?" With Marnie I don't want to encourage the feelings, I wanna have fun and get back to being friends.
Have you agreed to have the big third date with Vicky? Oh! Are you joking? I've never been on a third date.
I'm looking forward to it, Vicky's sound We went out saying we're gonna pull, I got the F-bomb and you agreed to a third date.
High-five that.
Fucking players.
We're absolutely killing it.
I love fast cars.
With all this shit going on, I've got the perfect idea.
We're gonna go on a track day.
What, like government cars? Mint cars, fast tracks.
Oh, my God, that's so exciting.
Yes! Absolutely buzzing for this track day.
I'm such a good driver.
It only took us seven times to pass me test.
Vroom, vroom.
Vroom! We've set up a competition, fucking wicked.
Gaz, good luck, you're gonna need it.
Me and Scott are the most competitive people ever.
When it comes to a fast car, racing round a track, you know I'll win.
I'm left with Marnie.
There's only one thing that we're gonna end up talking about.
Me and you are good friends.
I don't wanna ruin it.
What do we do? That's the tricky part.
Oh, God, it's so confusing.
We just have to not have sex.
I don't wanna end up hating you.
I know, exactly.
Yeah.
It's impossible to sleep and live with someone and not have feelings.
So try and pull.
It Really, it will help us.
Go pull and it'll just turn any type of feelings I've got off.
Yeah.
This conversation needed to happen.
I don't wanna be with Marnie.
Now I need to go and pull and move on.
I don't wanna hurt you.
I feel sad that this is the end of me and Gary but it is for the best.
I needed to get out before I got hurt.
Brake, brake, brake, brake! All I can hear is, "Brake, brake!" I'm like, "No, fuck off!" You were last, two minutes 19.
That wasn't really a shock.
Gaz, you won.
Yeah! I knew he'd do that.
Gaz beat us by two seconds.
Only cos I was wearing the card on me killer bicep.
I've just realised me hair's shit.
I look like a fucking pineapple.
I'm gonna get the fucker cut.
See you, kid.
See you.
Did you talk to Gary? I did.
What did he say? We're just gonna like, leave things, I've got a Gary ban.
Why don't you just be true? Your fanny stinks.
Or hairy? Yeah.
A serious conversation with Charlotte is like trying to make dog shit stick to the wind.
Marnie, don't listen to her.
Remain clean and shaven and I'll tell you no.
Right, OK.
We're all sitting around, having a chat and just generally doing what girls do best, gossiping and being bitchy.
Mm.
Mm.
I'm rooting for them.
Don't say it like we're like Kate and Wills.
There is no me and Aaron.
Vicky wouldn't even say "penis" in biology.
There's no way Aaron's cock is getting a look in.
We get drunk and kiss.
We're confusing that with like That's when I found him most irritating.
I didn't realise everyone felt so strongly, fucking hell.
Yes, that's what I said.
Have some crack, have a brain.
We're all slagging off Aaron and just picking every single fault.
We're being bitchy.
He's extremely scared of you.
Why the fuck would he be scared of me? Oh, fuck him.
If he can't handle this, he can fuck off.
You're not even bothered, man.
I'm not.
What if he takes you on a really incredible date, wines and dines you? Then it makes him all the bigger mug, doesn't it? I hear the girls slagging us off How fucking two-faced do you wanna be? Vicky says that she'd only sleep with us if I was a different man.
Hold on, every fucking night you're hanging off my neck, so fuck off.
"He'd only get near me if he was someone else.
" Fucking hell, man.
The girls have been slagging Aaron off and he's heard every word of it.
Things are gonna kick off big time.
Don't know what he must be thinking.
He'll be fucking furious.
He'll think I'm a wanker.
In fairness I fucking am.
I can't fucking believe it, I feel so bad.
He hasn't actually done anything wrong.
I thought they were my friends.
I've never said a bad word against them.
I'm not bothered, I'm going in here like.
This is a bit awkward.
It's more awkward for us.
I'm just glad that you said what you had to say cos now I know how you really feel.
It's the most awkward moment of my entire life.
I thought you were me mate, you're clearly not.
Marnie stuck up for us.
From now on I won't even say hello, if that's how you wanna be.
That's not.
Aaron, please.
I divvent wanna talk to you.
Awkwardness aside, I need to try and sort this out.
So when he storms out I follow him, to make amends.
I don't blame you if you're mad, at all.
I'm not mad.
I'm just disappointed because you asked us for a third date.
Did you want to go? I like spending time with you.
The only way you'd get close to me is if I was someone else.
Fucking hell.
Ah, I'm such a wanker.
How'd you feel if we were ripping into you? I feel terrible.
I feel like shit.
I'm not bothered.
You're not winning me round.
Fuck off.
I'm not gonna start ripping into you cos you don't wanna be me friend.
"Fucking Vicky would never get near me unless she was someone else.
" I'm so frustrated I can't get Aaron to forgive us.
I know I was in the wrong.
I want everything to go back to how it was.
Honestly, I have tried to apologise.
I've tried.
No you haven't.
I'm really, really sorry and all you wanna do is argue.
Of course I do.
Well, I'm sorry.
But he's too mad and angry to see past any of that.
You all right? Come here.
No.
Vicky can see that she's not winning the argument, so she storms out.
I dunno why you're angry, mate, you're in the wrong, piss off.
This house isn't gonna be a nice place to be.
Once I've had a drink the truth will come out and it won't be pretty.
Slick Daddy T-Dog back in the fucking mix.
We come back from our haircuts and it's like a fucking war zone.
I just feel sorry and stupid.
I've hurt him and he's a nice lad.
He didn't deserve it.
I'm a fucking cock.
Right now there is no talking myself out if this.
Aaron is furious.
I don't know how to make this right.
Hi.
Work tonight.
Who? Everyone.
Oh! Ah, fuck's sake, I knew it.
I've got to spend an entire night with the man who completely hates us Thanks very much Anna, you fucking tosser.
When things like this happen you've gotta stick by your mates, so tonight we're gonna have a fucking wicked night.
I know what's gonna happen tonight.
The lads are gonna take Aaron's side, the lasses mine.
We're gonna have a massive divide on our hands.
I feel I'm bang in the middle of Westside Story.
I'm dreading tonight with Aaron.
I don't know what to say to him, and I'm just a little bit scared.
We're off to work.
Aaron hasn't spoke to any of the girls bar Marnie I'm just waiting for it to kick off.
Get up.
There might be a horrible atmosphere between us but this is Tash on Tours, we've got to get the whole of Newcastle necking on.
Gary's got the keys for the boys and Marnie's got them for the girls Find your match, you have to kiss.
I'm the only person connecting the boys to the girls.
I'm gonna to sort it all out and get Aaron to forgive Vicky.
I'm begging Aaron to forgive Vicky, but he's having none of it.
I have no idea how this is gonna get resolved.
If I thought being in the house was awkward, work just took the cake.
Only way to get through this is to get pissed and tash on with randoms.
It just so happens that the first person I see happens to be Justin Bieber's younger brother.
What the actual fuck? What am I playing at? I'm old enough to be his mam.
We get to Tiger Tiger and the atmosphere is still shit.
All the tequila in Mexico couldn't get us back together.
I can't let this go.
I know I should leave Aaron alone and let him get over this but I'm pissed and obnoxious and I just wanna sort it out.
Vicky is having no luck and now it's my turn and I'm fucking dreading it.
So Holly didn't mean what she said and she was just showing off.
Course, you're a sheep like the others.
You're not winning me round, mate, fuck off.
For a second I thought Aaron was gonna make up with me and he's not.
I don't know what else I can do, I'm so sorry.
I'm sick of the boys making the girls feel like shit.
It's time to step in and the lads to back the fuck off.
That's me and the girls done.
Best thing they can do is just fuck off.
Enough of all this drama, enough of Aaron fighting, we said he'd have a good night, it's time to pull.
I do think I done the right thing by telling Gary to pull, but I never thought he'd do it this soon and right in front of us.
I'm absolutely mortal and I can't cope.
I've seen red so I grab the closest thing and hoy it over Gary.
That'll teach you, fucking prick.
That chat with Marnie might as well have never happened.
Everything we agreed has gone out the window and she's kicking off when I pull a bird after she told me to go and pull birds.
I wanna talk to Aaron, but for some reason it's coming out in very shouty words.
Tonight has just been a massive disaster.
The girls tried to apologise to Aaron and they're still arguing.
Marnie's pissed off cos I pulled, fuck it.
It's been one of the worst nights of my life.
Vicky's made a tit of herself.
I'm off home.
We get home, all I wanna do is go to bed but Vicky wants another round.
Ding, ding, here we go again.
Let him out, let him fucking tell me what he thinks.
Now! Now! You can scream in someone's face for so long before something clicks and unfortunately me and Aaron have gone past that point.
I never closed the door on you.
Just go to bed.
How dare you talk to me like that.
I'm so, so drunk, I'm misconstruing everything, getting the wrong end of the stick and being a helmet.
I wish I was at home with my ma.
This is shite.
It's not.
All this is, Marnie, if you listen to yourself, is shite.
I hate myself.
Look right, get in bed with her, shite.
No, you're- Get in bed with me, shite.
Get in bed with Holly, shite.
Watch my face, shite.
There's no other word for it, it's absolutely shite.
Oh, my God, why is everyone so annoying? Right, Charlotte, I hate everyone.
I hate everyone.
Right, me and you, let's go to sleep.
Yes Marnie pissed me off tonight, but when she's being all cute and funny, it's hard to stay angry at her.
I thought watching Gary pull would make us stop wanting him, but being drunk is making it hard to resist, I can't stop the feelings.
Surprise, surprise, me and Marnie have been left alone two minutes and we're at it, but I need to stay strong.
I can't sleep with her, I can't deal with them consequences.
Last night was a total car crash, everyone hated each other and today is gonna be so awkward.
I hate this level of discord, it's not nice.
Morning.
Morning.
How are we? Are you all right? No.
I'm miserable.
I feel so bad because I know what I did was wrong.
I'm gonna do now what I should've done last night, avoid him.
Did you shag Gary? No.
I was adamant I wasn't sleeping with Gary after the way he went on.
I'm proud of myself.
Gary tried it on and I said no, that's what I need to keep doing but it's so hard.
What's Vicky and Marnie like? Vicky's feeling bad, she's feeling really bad.
Bit awkward, innit? Last night was shit and Vicky ruined everything.
She can go and fuck herself.
Hello.
It's Scotty.
OK.
Mint, what is it? Wicked, see you in a bit.
So Anna's call was a Scottish hen party, hock aye the noo, woo.
Anna rang, we're doing a bar crawl, the lads.
What, is the lads just at work? Fucking buzzing.
Night off for the girls, shall we do something nice? We should have a girly pamper before we go out, like you know, do our nails, have a glass of wine.
While the lads work, the lasses will take a bit of time for ourselves, just de-stress, chill out and have a bit of a pamper sesh.
No underpants, these hens will be pulling it left, right and centre.
Do I look proper Scottish, mate? They look a lot better than what I first thought.
Fuck me, we make these skirts look good.
We look like Scottish Vikings.
We're fit in, er, kilts.
I'm buzzing.
Scottish hens know how to party, I just hope they're fit.
So we get to the hen party and we're a massive hit with the women.
These birds aren't my cup of tea but we'll show them a good time, pass the fucking ice.
This hen party's loose as fuck.
They're all mortal, we're smashed, we need to find some birds our own age.
I'm pleased that the lads are at work tonight, it gives me more time with the girls I know we have to sort everything but I can't face it.
Charlotte, stick your head in here.
Is it boiling? We've got it all.
We've got face masks, we've got a steaming machine, nail varnish, we've got candles, shit's about to get real.
Ah, this is nice, a bit of girly time.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm liking this.
Yeah, that's it, that's right.
Here, I'll pat it down.
You look beautiful.
Holly looks like she's wearing a baggy fanny on her face.
What the hell? Anti-stress.
Vicky, you need one of these.
You need anti-stress.
You're stressed.
I know what this night needs now.
I think there's some cucumber in the fridge, I'm gonna check.
OK, babe.
I've seen in films you put cucumber on your eyelids to do something with your bags, we've all got them cos we never get any fucking sleep.
No cucumber, but there was some broccoli.
OK.
Can you put broccoli on your eyes? Well, I just thought maybe you could do something like this.
What on earth is the benefits of putting this in your eye socket? Both green, both cold, both do the job.
I can't imagine what you're going through's easy.
I'm fucking stressed I've never gotten close to anyone like Gary.
Marnie is going through a hard time with Gary.
I am a fountain of knowledge when it comes to this.
Gary's not here, you can tell us whatever you want.
Exactly.
But if I don't admit it then it's not really true.
I'm confused.
If I did have feelings it would only end in one way.
At first I didn't have feelings for him, but then when I've seen the way he is it's like You don't wanna admit it cos you're afraid of getting hurt.
Well, what would you do? Me? Use what you've got, use what women have that men don't.
In this situation Marnie needs to play to her strengths.
She's sexy, use that to her advantage.
Manipulate him.
That's what women are best at.
She'll have Gary eating out the palm of her hand if she listens to me.
That's what you would do? Exactly.
Right, I'm gonna really try.
Tonight is stage one in operation steal Gary's heart.
If he has one.
Mortal, mortal.
Work done, we're off to Riverside.
Me and Marnie have ended things and she's told me to pull.
I'm gonna pull girls, neck on with them in the club but not bring them back just yet, it's like breaking her in gently.
I look fit as fuck, there's no way Gary's gonna resist us tonight.
This shit with the lasses has gone on long enough, time to make up.
I go over to Vicky, give her a cuddle, put it behind us.
Now we can finally be friends again.
Me and the girls are sorted.
Now I can go and do what's important.
Where's the fucking fanny? Fucking hell, mebbes I've got me wingman back.
I wish I hadn't have let the girls make us think Gary might change.
I should've just stuck to me instincts.
I can't believe that Gary's kissing a girl in front of us.
I didn't think it'd affect us, but it has.
I'm being nice by not banging someone all I'm doing is necking on.
I think that's thoughtful.
Gary completely humiliated us in front of everyone else.
He's hurt us and I just don't know how to cope with it.
It's fucking with my head and I don't know what to do, Vicky.
Oh, my God.
I've gotta get her out before she mugs herself off.
I'm in bed and I'm mortal and again I'm spewing up.
Could tonight be any worse? Mmm.
Are you OK down here? Right, OK.
Thank you, babe.
Love you.
Love ya.
What the fuck have I just stood on? It's off for you now.
I've stood in Marnie's sick.
No.
And it's all over my foot.
It stinks, man.
Last night we went out, necked on with birds, they kind of kicked off.
Marnie told me to pull and to leave her alone, so I'm gonna do that.
If she wants to have a hissy fit every time I pull then more fool her.
She was spewing all over last night.
All over.
Oh, God, what's got sick on and what hasn't? Just there.
I stood in that.
On a scale of one to ten Charlotte, how pissed was I? You were crying, saying you needed help.
I've woke up feeling like shit.
I spewed up all night and Gary mugged us off again.
I can't handle Gary.
What you gonna do? Are you not gonna speak to him? I can tell this is upsetting her.
I don't want her to go down the same path that I once did.
The path is shitty, it's muddy, there's shitloads of puddles and no-one ever remembers to wear wellies.
Marnie deserves a better path than that.
Start afresh.
Whatever it was that me and Gary had, I spewed it up last night.
It's with me sick.
What do you wanna do the night? I can't be arsed to be around Marnie.
We just wanna have some lad time.
What is it? There's just, like, a package with Charlotte on it.
This is gonna be so good! How strange.
This is something I've wanted to get Charlotte for ages.
I'm not telling her it's from me though.
This is called tight for life.
For God's sake, I haven't got a massive fanny, you know? It's gonna help with your incontinence problems.
Anything that limits the amount of piss on the mattresses, I'm all for.
No, you can't put it in the wee-hole.
I'm getting confused, surely you'd have to train the wee-hole.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That's a tiny little hole.
This is definitely not going up there.
Would you like a baggy T-shirt? Maybe just some lube.
Oh, my God, I bet you say that to all the boys.
For God's sake.
This isn't the strangest thing I've done in front of the girls.
Are you ready? I'm ready for the application.
Oh, I feel like I'm having sex in front of you.
Oh, my God, it's in.
It just popped in.
Let's get those muscles tightened.
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
Squeeze harder, harder, harder.
All your pelvic floor.
Is it at the top? You're at the green! All the way at the top! My fairy is immense.
- Char, you're doing so well, so well.
- Well done.
Oh, for God's sake.
Eh? I'm so confused.
Now, now, now.
Flex! Flex! This is a serious medical procedure, I don't want an audience, perverts.
Is it a vibrator? No, it's not.
She's working on her pelvic floor.
OK.
I understand.
Ow, ow.
Give it back! She's got your vagina on a lead.
None of the lads want the girls to know, so we're sneaking out.
I'd still rather spend time with the lads, so we're gonna get down to Bijoux and fluff some muff.
Let's go.
Fucking mint.
All four lads getting along, we're like a diamond of power and I'm at the top because I'm a pure prick.
Boys' night.
I knew I'd have a good time but I didn't think it'd be this good, us lads get on and it feels like I've made three new best mates.
You aren't going to fucking believe this.
What? The lads aren't in.
Where they gone? Your guess is as good as mine.
Vicky tells us the boys have snuck out, pricks.
Sneaky, snaky bastards.
I'm really canny annoyed about it.
I am.
We planned to do this back to them and once again it's backfired.
We're too sloth-like to be sneaky.
Yeah, we need to be snaky, not slothy.
Nah, I say let's carry on being slothy, let's order loads of food and lie around in our jamas and stuff.
Fuck this, the boys went out we're gonna stay in, eat and get fat.
I'll get some vodka, stuff myself silly with honey chilli chicken.
What's that noise? I'm lying in bed and the doorbell goes.
Oi, oi.
What the hell? Oi, oi? What? Who the fuck is it? Oh, my God! There's a new boy in the house.
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fuck this, the boys went out, we're gonna stay in, eat and get fat.
What's that noise? Oi, oi.
What the hell? Oh, my God! There's a new boy in the house and it's me best friend Kyle, I couldn't be happier.
You all right? Who the fuck is it? Me name's Kyle.
I'm a 21-year-old club promoter.
I don't know what it is that lasses like about us, it's just natural.
Cheers, kid.
I've necked on with Vicky, kissed Charlotte and Marnie's like my little sister.
And I'm buzzing to get this party started.
Hiya.
Hi, Kyle.
I walked into the house and it looks like I've interrupted a slumber party.
Where the fuck are the lads? What are you doing here? Hiya.
Housemate.
Are you? What? There's a new boy and he's fit.
Welcome to the Geordie Shore house, please enter here or here.
We didn't expect this.
Eh? Real? No.
It turns out that the new lad is my old lad.
I've been there before, I wouldn't say no again.
We're gaaning out now.
The lasses need to get their glad rags on because we're going out, it's my first night.
Let's fucking get our clothes on.
Come on! Howeh.
You can't welcome someone to the house with a takeaway, we've gotta go out, get mortal and welcome him with vodka.
She must have kissed him, she's kissed everyone.
Marnie definitely- She kissed you, she's obviously kissed him.
I've kissed him.
I haven't.
Have you? Never.
I'm getting fucking palpitations.
Everyone is happy to see Kyle.
Me and Marnie are friends with him, Vicky still wants to neck on with him and Holly can potentially suck him off.
He's like the perfect boy.
I'm not being funny, but Kyle is ten times better looking than Gary.
We need to show him how to do it Geordie Shore style and I need to be looking fit.
We're gonna go meet the rest of the boys with our new boy Kyle and I can't fucking wait to see Gary's reaction.
Cheers.
Whoo! I don't know if the lasses are gonna come out.
Fingers crossed they don't The only person I see being pissed off about Kyle's arrival is Gary, he'll hate having competition.
Oh, my God, we've just got to Bijoux and Gary's just seen Kyle, his face is priceless.
He's absolutely gutted.
We're in Bijoux and the girls walk in with a fucking new lad.
I didn't realise my dad was coming in.
Finally someone nearly as massive as me, sharesies on your clothes, mate.
What a good-looking bastard, I need to up me game.
She'll be buzzing.
What? Marnie's buzzing that her little friend's walked through the door, I don't mind that.
All I'm worried about is if he tries to mug me off I'll make his life hell.
Let's hope this kid's sound because the lads have done so well to stay strong so far.
I'm Marnie's best mate, doesn't mean I'm gonna have a problem with Gary.
If he hasn't got a problem with me I won't have one.
Marnie's getting stressed because Kyle's talking to Gary.
She's desperate to keep them apart, so I go over and try and break it up.
The next thing I know I'm breaking it up with my face, we're necking on.
Kyle's went in for a kiss, fucking hell, he doesn't waste any time.
Gary has this way to get the boys on his side, and turn into him and Scott.
I won't let that happen to Kyle.
I'm here to have a mint time and make some class friends.
So we all welcome the new lad, now it's time for Tup Tup, go fucking nuts.
Yeah! I'm so happy Kyle and Vicky kissed.
Kyle fancies her, so that's a good thing.
Gary's found out that Marnie doesn't want Kyle and him getting close, now he's irritated and I'm getting it.
I can't believe how childish and pathetic Marnie's being, "Please don't talk to Gaz.
" We're not 12, Marnie, he can make his own decisions.
Tonight's been mint, even Gary's sound with us.
It's time to carry on the party.
So we get back and everyone's absolutely mortal.
Brilliant.
There's only one way to end my first night, hoy myself in the hot tub.
It was a dream come true, one of my best friends coming but now he's getting on with Gary it's a nightmare.
Kyle seems like a really nice lad, if Vicky hadn't already gone there and I wasn't sassy, I would've sucked him off by now.
I understand it's important to Kyle to fit in.
I just hope as time goes on I'm his priority and not the boys.
I'm not getting drawn into Marnie's games.
Yes, they're friends but if Kyle wants to get on, he needs to be with the lads.
Frustrating how much I like Aaron, I wish I hadn't gone there with Gary.
Shall I build a time machine? Kyle's come in and I'm a slut again.
Fucking mint.
Tash on Tours, we're taking it international.
Iceland, here we fucking go.
There's girls on this arm, that arm.
Come on!