Black-ish (2014) s08e06 Episode Script

1 When your kids are old enough to start dating, you hope they don't pick duds.
And when Junior picked Olivia, Bow realized he picked a winner.
If this was a real hospital, you would totally get fired - for making out in the operating room.
- Mm.
- You cannot do that.
- Right.
They were growing closer and closer "And that's why it would be an honor to get a master's degree from your fine institution.
" Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Okay, so, this application is an opportunity for you to show them who you are.
Right.
So, you want to be a little more personal like, a little more passionate.
And don't be afraid to sprinkle in a little bit of White guilt.
- Mm.
Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- Okay.
"To open my own practice " - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
" and provide help for those that need it the most.
" Sprinkle.
- "The underserved communities.
" - More sprinkle.
- "Of color.
" - Whoo! Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
That's it.
That's it.
That's the one.
That's the one.
There you go! So, why are you only applying to three schools? It's a common application.
Why are you limiting yourself? It's kind of expensive to apply to all of these schools.
Well, I would like to pay for it.
- Really? - Yes, I would.
And so, I think you should apply to the entire East Coast, and include McGill because those are Canadian dollars, and that's not real money.
Well, thank you! - You are welcome.
Get in there.
- That's so sweet! Soon, nobody could miss Rainbow's influence on Olivia.
Wow! You two look like twins! Yeah, the guy at the movie theater thought so, too.
He said we looked like sisters, so we're kind of leaning into it.
Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, my God.
- What? What, what, what? Is Denzel single? I got into Yale.
- Oh, my God! - That is amazing! We did We did it! Oh, my God! - We did it! - Yeah.
We did it! We got into Yale! I got into Yale.
I got into Yale.
I just didn't think a school like this would ever even consider me, you know? What? Why wouldn't they? You are a star.
And I'm excited to be the planet that is orbiting you.
That's sweet.
This is amazing.
But in the big picture, it doesn't change anything.
I'm excited to stay here with Junior and go to USC.
Wait, wait, wait now.
You're not going to Yale? No.
It's like if Idris Elba hit on me at a bar.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes, it's flattering, but I'm happy with who I'm with.
SC is the place for me.
And besides, if it was good enough for my mentor, - then it's good enough for me.
- Awww! Okay, you know what? I am happy to teach you everything there is to know.
I will even show you the best place to throw up before a final.
You're always looking out for me.
I got you.
I got you.
Oh, my God.
I almost forgot to call my mom.
I'll be right back.
Let's see her withhold praise for this.
Mm-hmm.
Looks like you got quite a catch there, Junior.
Now all you have to do is keep track of her ovulation schedule, get her pregnant, and you've trapped yourself a wife.
I'm not gonna do that, Pops.
Unh-unh.
Hey, hey, hey.
You listen to your granddad.
Now, I'm gonna go get you a thermometer so you'll know when to make your move.
All right, now! Hey! It's not "all right, now.
" While Mama was making Junior a fertility calendar, I took Jack and Diane to be a part of a focus group for the last spot I did for Urban.
So, just, uh, watch the ad and tell us your thoughts.
Oh, and if any of your mothers are single, just write their numbers on that clipboard.
Okay.
How was your day? Terrible.
I got in a fight with Sophie, and now I'm not allowed within 300 feet of the yearbook office.
You thought your day was bad? I accidentally released all of the biology frogs.
Well, I can't fix your problems, but I can fix you lunch.
Homestead Mayo.
You're home.
Okay, uh, who would like to share their thoughts on the spot? Uh, yes.
For the record, that was clearly me.
And calling it a "fight" implied that Sophie landed a few.
We'd like to speak to the manager.
How is it okay for you to use things that happen in our personal lives in your commercial? What are you talking about? The frogs, Dad.
That was my story my pain.
The next day, at lunch, we had chicken wings, Dad.
That wasn't chicken.
I know it wasn't chicken.
Okay, look, I may have borrowed, all right? But that's part of the creative process.
You write what you know.
Besides, I put myself in there.
The only thing that looked like you in that dang commercial was the fridge.
You gonna make an ad about how I think dogs can go to college? Okay, look, since our privacy isn't being respected, from now on, we're cutting you out, okay? No more personal stories at dinner, no more talking about our days in the car, and we're blocking you on Instagram.
Fine.
Block me.
All right, but you'll need my support and advice before I need your little funky stories.
If you say so.
But when your next commercial is about Pops and Grandma, you'll know the truth.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Hey.
Hi.
I knew I heard the sound of a woman effortlessly juggling her home life and career.
Hi, sweetheart.
What are you doing here? Oh, I just I thought I'd stop by for no reason.
Oh, I love it when you do that.
You know, i-i-it's funny I was thinking about how much you have to manage, all while being a mentor to my girlfriend.
Aww.
Thank you, honey.
Yeah, you know it just means so much to me to have a mother and girlfriend who are so close.
Olivia's like family now.
Do you know that Ruby has started calling her her name, and not "that girl"? Unbelievable.
You know, my world is just complete now that she's in it and we're all together.
It makes me so happy that you're so happy.
I thought you'd feel that way.
Oh.
And that's why I need you to talk Olivia out of going to Yale.
What do you mean "talk her out of it"? She said she's not going.
Remember that whole Idris thing? Oh, don't be naive, Mom.
You would leave Dad in a heartbeat for Idris and so would Olivia.
She just doesn't know it yet.
I just know the more she thinks about that beautiful, British, chocolate man, the more she's gonna want him.
Ooh.
I mean, the Honestl Are we still talking about Yale? Idris is Yale.
Oh, I get it.
- They're both irresistible! - Absolutely.
It's only a matter of time before she figures it out.
You know, I think she's already starting to put two and two together.
I knew I heard the sound of a woman effortlessly juggling her home life and career.
Oh Why are you wearing a scarf? Oh, it's just a little chilly in here.
This makes me feel cozy.
Mm.
I bet it does.
So she was wearing a scarf? Mom, this was not a pashmina.
This was an apple-picking scarf.
She is planning on spending her fall peeping leaves in New Haven! But she already said that she is going to USC.
Uh-huh.
So, all we have to do is make sure that she doesn't get lured away.
She trusts you.
She listens to you.
You can nudge her in the right direction.
Oh, n Oh, no, sweetheart.
No, no, no, no.
I don't I don't I don't think this is something I should get involved with.
All I'm asking you to do is what is best for your little man.
Oh.
My mama, she loves me.
Oh, hon Ooh.
Honey, I do.
I love you so much.
Mama loves you.
Oh.
I Okay, I mean I-I'll th I'll think about it.
Oh! - Okay.
- There she is.
There's the woman who would lift a car off my body.
Jack and Diane were crazy if they thought that cutting me off was going to shake me up.
Well, then, no dinner for you.
See if I care.
I can't believe that Jack and Diane think I need them to do my job.
I take their sorry little stories and put them in one ad! Mm, not just one ad.
What are you talking about? Well, you did that allergy medicine commercial after Diane ate crab meat and her face blew up like a beach ball.
- Okay.
- And after Jack got his head stuck in a stairwell, you did that ad where a kid released his head from a banister using Minnesota's Best Margarine.
That was a coincidence.
Then you did that tissue ad where the dad was crying as his twins graduated middle school as John Cougar Mellencamp's "Jack & Diane" played in the background.
That proves nothing! We're all influenced by our surroundings! Josh, he he pitches ads about cats! Stevens he pitches ads about boats! And, Ch Charlie, you pitch ads about the post office and conspiracy theories! How do they know where we live, Dre?! - I - Fair point.
You know what? I can get inspiration from this coffee pot or this charger.
Recharge your sandwiches with Homestead Mayonnaise.
I don't need them.
They're just being stupid.
Hmm.
Oh.
My my tracker is saying that Diane is within 3 miles and gaining ground.
I'ma I'ma head to the bunker.
Oh, thank God you guys are here.
I got to ask you a question.
Okay, um, Junior has asked me to convince Olivia not to go to Yale, which now sounds like it's her first choice.
But I also feel like I would never tell a young woman to pass up an opportunity for a guy.
Now this sounds like the kind of predicament I would never understand, but since I'm a man, I got an opinion.
If you ask me, real love is the only thing that matters here.
Once you find that special person as I did many years ago no job, no distance, nothing can keep you from it.
That's right, baby.
Didn't you cheat through your entire marriage? Whoa, whoa.
I've seen you double-dipping the guacamole.
I didn't call you out.
I'm just saying they deserve a chance.
Okay, so, you're on the side of supporting Junior's happiness over what might be good for Olivia.
Of course you put your sons first.
That's your job as a mother even if it is a personal sacrifice.
See, many years ago, Dre made a choice that I had a real problem with.
Mm-hmm.
But did I say anything? Hell, no.
Mnh-mnh.
'Cause he's my son, and and he said he was happy.
So I let him go through with it, even though I thought he was making a huge mistake.
You're talking about me, aren't you? Not everything's about you, Rainbow.
But just to be clear, she's talking about you.
Okay.
Look, my point is, is, on your deathbed, you'll never regret putting your son first.
After all, sometimes, when you do that, you get something good out of it.
Thank you.
Thank you, Ruby.
- You're welcome, baby.
- Helpful.
Okay.
But now, you do put your husband first, hmm? Oh, absolutely, baby.
You know that, yeah? Mm-hmm.
Unless Dre needs anything.
While Olivia's future weighed on Bow's mind, I was making magic without relying on my kids' stories.
This is trash.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Thought you might like the last slice of chocolate cake.
Mm.
Leave the cake and go.
Okay.
I'll put it on your desk.
Oh.
"A" -minus, huh? Seems like there's a story behind that.
Nice try.
We're not the free-samples lady at the grocery store.
You can't just take and take with no intention of buyin'.
Fine.
Jack.
Here you go.
I thought you might like the last slice of chocolate cake.
So I had a long talk with Diane.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
She told me about your wild day at school today.
But you know how she can exaggerate.
So, you want to tell me about it in your own words? Come on, Dad.
I know what you're doing.
I know that you lied about Diane and you're just trying to get stories out of me.
Well, I got a story for you Jack don't crack.
Now go put that in your little ads.
Turned out, my kids were serious about locking me out.
Meanwhile, Bow was having better luck getting Olivia to let her in.
Well, I really appreciate you for having me over.
This has been a really stressful time for me.
Oh, you mean the whole grad school decision? Yeah.
Well, listen, the good news is, you can't make a bad choice.
- Right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, USC is a great school, and I got an incredible education there.
Right.
Right.
I met some of my best friends and the best part was, I didn't have to be far away from the people I loved.
Right, right.
And that's why it was my first choice.
Yeah.
USC was always my dream school, but then Yale was the school I wouldn't even let myself dream about.
I totally get it.
- Yeah.
- But it's so far away.
- Right.
- You know what I mean? - It's, like, in Connecticut.
- So far.
- And it's cold there.
- Right.
I mean, you can't wear an open-toe shoe, I'll tell you that.
And if you get a pedicure, nobody's gonna see it for eight months out of the year, you know what I'm saying? But USC I just feel like USC is such a good fit for you.
And selfishly, it's so nice for me to have, like, a young, Black, smart woman just following in my footsteps! What?! Okay? Okay, well, thanks for supporting me, Dr.
Johnson.
Oh, my God.
It's my pleasure.
What you say to me, it really means a lot.
Oh, ba No, even more than my parents.
Oh.
- It's nothing.
- No, it's it's huge.
Oh.
The fact that someone that I trust has been through all of this before - Yeah.
- makes all of the difference.
I don't know if you realize how important your advice and mentorship have been to me.
So, if you think that USC is the right choice then that's the choice I'm gonna make.
Ahhh.
Go to Yale.
Excuse me? Go to Yale, and don't look back, okay? I will use my miles to pay for your ticket.
You need to get to Yale.
- Go to Yale! - But Oh! Jah unior! Why would you do this to your little man? I-I just don't understand.
You were supposed to convince her to stay! But instead, you told her to leave me? No, I-I did not tell her to leave.
She said that you said to go to Yale and don't look back.
Wh I was really excited for her.
It's a really great school, Junior.
Look, I know you're upset, but I had to tell her the truth.
And I can't hold her back, and I know that, deep down, you don't want to hold her back, either.
Oh, no.
I-I absolutely do.
Junior! What? You know what? I will compensate by boosting three other women.
I just I cannot lose Olivia! It'll ruin me! I'll probably take up smoking.
Do you hear yourself? Please tell me that you did not react this way when she told you.
And that's why I think I want to go to Yale.
Oh.
I see.
I, um I reacted in a way that I think I can be proud of.
Okay.
All right, sweetheart, I know that you love her, but if you're gonna be in a relationship that is gonna last the long haul, or if you're gonna be the kind of couple that can survive all of the things that life is gonna throw at you, then you got to lift her up not hold her back.
I guess I'm so scared to lose Olivia I didn't really think about what she'd be losing by not going to Yale.
I'm being selfish, aren't I? Oh, my angel.
Love can turn us into monsters.
One time, I threw a bag of Nair at one of Dre's ex-girlfriends.
What? But, um, what I'm saying is that sometimes, you just got to make really hard choices when you're in love, okay? I believe in you.
Thanks, Mom.
Okay.
While Junior had some serious thinking to do, I realized the well had run dry.
I was getting desperate.
You got to tell me something.
Anything! Who pinched who? Hmm? Who pooped their pants? I don't know.
What kind of kindergarten am I paying for? I need something relatable to sell cars.
Had to take another hit off that pipe, huh? Couldn't get enough of our sweet, sweet brain ideas, could you, pookie? Pathetic.
Okay.
Look, you guys were right.
I got nothing.
Maybe I am relying on you too much.
But you guys are where I get my inspiration from.
You know, when it's time for me to tell stories and get people to feel something, I go to the place where I feel something home.
Well I guess I could explain why I smell like street tacos.
Wait.
Before we tell our stories, from now on, we need to be fairly compensated.
Mm.
A hundred a pitch a thousand if the ad gets made.
- Deal.
- Okay, so, it was around 11:15 when we drove past this taco truck with a giant chicken on top.
Now, it wasn't a normal chicken.
He was wearing overalls.
Uh, what color overalls? Turns out, my kids have always held me up.
I was proud of who they'd become.
Hey.
Hey.
Got you something.
Aww.
Aww.
It's an extra large so you can still wear a bunch of sweaters underneath.
Mm.
You're gonna want to layer.
Look, when you got into Yale, all I could think about was what it meant to me, because I'm scared to lose you.
Well, you're not gonna lose me.
Look, I know it'll be hard, but we can make this work long-distance.
I'll FaceTime you three times a day.
We'll use our air miles to visit each other.
I'll even schedule my classes so that we can watch "90 Day Fiancé" together.
But it'll be on at like 11:00 your time.
I'll drink coffee.
I don't care.
We're gonna make this work, okay? We have to.
Hell, I'm best friends with your mama.
I don't know if we have a choice.
It's not always easy to do the right thing especially when the right thing costs you the most.
Here's a toast to future Yale grad Olivia Lockhart.
Whoo! Oh, Olivia, you're gonna love it at White Howard.
You know, we actually worked out the math, and we'll be able to see each other at least once a month.
All I have to do is hop on a direct flight to Hartford.
Then, it is a one-hour train ride plus a short cab ride to see my lady.
Wait till she tries to find good barbecue in New Haven.
- Well - Hey, mazel tov! - Mazel tov! - Mazel.
You know, I just really want to thank you all.
You've become, like, my second family.
Aww.
Olivia, we will always have your back.
And mine.
I hope this is the right time to bring this up, but with rent being the way that it is, I will, um probably have to move back in.
Party's over! - Party is over.
Come on.
Give it up.
Give it up.
- Come on, Dad.
Olivia, you getting into Yale is the worst thing that's ever happened to this family.
Thank you.
Thank you, son.
Goodbye.
All right, I'm headed to the grocery store, so let me know if you guys need anything special.
You know, we've been thinking about your long-distance situation, and we've got some experience in that area.
Back in the '70s, I used to work on this offshore rig out in the Gulf of Mexico, and every week, I would get an erotic drawing from your grandmother.
I tried to send pictures, but the boys at the Fotomat - kept stealing 'em, you know.
- Mmm.
Oh, God! And then there was the time I was traveling the country defending my welterweight foxy-boxing title.
Ding ding! Earl would send me tapes of him reading the Barry White lyrics.
And lots of "Penthouse" letters.
Okay, you know what? I think I'm just I'm gonna go.
Yeah, you know That Barry White stuff was real good.
I wouldn't mind another one of them exotic drawings you know, something like in your foxy-boxing outfit.
Ruby's boobies just everywhere.
Oh, well