American Horror Story s08e07 Episode Script
Traitor
1 [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- [BLOOD SPURTING.]
- [GASPS.]
[PANTING.]
[CRACKING.]
[GASPS.]
- [CRACKING.]
- [GASPS.]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
TIFFANY: Do you have it? Of course.
Do you? Did she feel the pain? That bitch tried to steal my husband.
I want that whore to have felt the pain.
I'm gonna need something from you.
Toenails? Nasty.
You really hate your husband.
No.
I hate his wandering dick.
Strawberries make it go down easier.
[GAGGING.]
Mm-mm.
- [GAGS.]
- Mm-mm.
[GAGGING CONTINUES.]
[COUGHING.]
[GULPING.]
[MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
[COUGHING.]
[EXHALES.]
That's it? Tell all your friends.
The voodoo queen can fix any problem.
When he wakes up, he's not gonna remember a thing.
And from this moment on, his dick won't get hard for anyone but you.
Good.
[KEYS JANGLE.]
Making house calls? I can't believe you would dare show your face, after what you witches done to our queen.
God rest her soul.
You know we had nothing to do with that.
Fact is, Marie Laveau's demise elevated you to the queen of voodoo.
What's a queen without subjects? Or a domain? There's too much poverty and crime in New Orleans to scratch out a goddamn living.
And out here, not enough white folks come to us for voodoo.
They don't want to be appropriating our culture.
I call bullshit.
The only thing that matters in this world isn't white or black.
It's green.
You got money, all the doors open.
Maybe you can open one for me.
I need your help, Dinah.
You're the most powerful witch in the world.
What can I do that you couldn't? Get me a meeting with Papa Legba.
You're at a crossroads, Cordelia.
That would be the only reason you need to talk to the voodoo devil.
I'll owe you one.
I don't do favors.
$100,000.
Cash.
NIGEL: Merry Christmas, dearest.
I hope you like it.
It's never easy shopping for the most beautiful woman in the world.
[CHUCKLES.]
: Oh, darling.
It doesn't matter What the hell is this? I always feel so inadequate whenever you wear heels, crumpet.
You know how sensitive I am about my height.
Why worry about your height when you're so inadequate in so many other areas? Here we go.
- Mm.
- Try to remember that this is the season of giving.
Well, this is what I would like to give you! [SCOFFS.]
You haven't the guts.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [GASPS.]
- [CACKLING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Neither have you.
[GROANING.]
And I fucked your business partner every year since 1972.
TILLY: Grandma? Grandma? Grandma! I heard a noise.
Is Santa here? Oh, not yet, sweetie.
Now, you go back to bed, because if he knows you're awake, you might scare him off.
[GRUNTING.]
[SQUEAKING.]
[SIGHS.]
Horrible old bastard.
- Ugh.
- [DOORBELL RINGS.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
[DOORKNOB RATTLING.]
- Yes? - [POUNDING CONTINUES.]
If you're collecting for charity, I don't give to charity.
NEWSCASTER: We interrupt to bring you this emergency news bulletin.
The individual who escaped from the Brisbane Asylum for the Criminally Insane has now been identified as the notorious Decapitation Killer.
He is a white male, six feet tall, and dressed in a Santa Claus suit.
If spotted, do not attempt to engage the killer, but immediately contact the police.
[THUMPING OVERHEAD.]
CRAZED SANTA: Ho ho ho.
It's Santa! He's coming down the chimney! - Ho ho ho.
- No! [SCREAMS.]
No! [SCREAMS.]
[SNARLS.]
Run! To the neighbors! [POUNDING CONTINUES.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMS, GASPS.]
Ho ho ho.
No! Ho ho - [COUGHS.]
- DIRECTOR: Cut! [BELL RINGS.]
- Sorry.
- Jesus Christ.
My bad.
It's my dry throat.
Will someone get Santa a cough drop? And please get me out of here.
- Come on, Bubbles.
- [GRUNTING.]
- BUBBLES: Ow.
God.
- You all right? - Who cast that guy? - I don't know.
Hey, but we're gonna rehearse your stunt later, all right? No.
Oh, I, I got the lines right.
This is killing me, this belt.
Ow.
Ooh, thanks.
Oh.
GRIP: Hey, the old broad still has it.
Oh, man, I got to take a shit.
Congratulations! I suppose, for you, taking a shit is a form of reproduction.
Go on.
Go to it.
Go on.
You still have a way with people.
Well, well, well.
So, the disturbing rumors are true.
You are back.
Which is more than I can say for you.
Didn't you already make this movie? Before they had sound? When was the last time that you were on a movie set, missy? I mean other than the ones in which the actors don't have to wear protection.
You were one of the reasons why I left the coven.
As the only witch who was also an actress - Says you.
- I repeat, as the only witch who was also an actress, I decided that I didn't want to be living like a nun and herding all those spoiled brats when I could be out honing my craft.
[COUGHING LOUDLY.]
- Your craft? - Yes.
Witchcraft is a talent that I was born with.
But acting, I had to work for.
I had to struggle.
You and your generation think that you can get whatever you want with the click of a mouse or the uttering of a spell.
But, let me tell you, to achieve something, that's magic of the highest order.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Well, I didn't come here to visit.
You've been summoned.
Summoned? [SIGHS.]
We are facing a situation.
Like, a world situation.
Like "everything we know hangs in the balance" kind of thing.
So it's all hands on deck.
Even the ones with age spots.
Get your broom.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Cheers.
You bitch.
WAITER: Wow, I think I've seen her in a movie before.
I wonder what kind of panties she's got on.
Yesterday was silk.
I'm sorry? But I prefer to wear nothing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wait, that's your power? What you are witnessing, my dear, is my human wiles.
MYRTLE: Bubbles has the power of lectio animo.
The ability to listen to someone's very soul.
So the bitch reads minds.
Bubbles knows exactly how to extract the truth in any situation, which is precisely why we need her.
I'm presuming the two of you go way back to the very dawn of time.
We were young witches at the academy and we became instant friends.
MYRTLE: To this day, my mastery of the art of fellatio is unparalleled, thanks to this special teacher here at the table.
MADISON: Okay, let me be the adult here and redirect this trip down memory lane.
We have a real fucking problem.
Our next Supreme has us barreling towards annihilation.
The issue here is not only Michael, it's the warlocks.
They're protecting him.
Ariel Augustus You think he's dangerous, impatient.
Hell-bent on clearing a path for Michael yet with nary a detail of what you heard, you expect me to read his mind.
Did you just read hers? Like a Sidney Sheldon novel, darling.
Then you must know the gravity of the situation.
That Michael is the spawn of Satan? Yes, that thought has been traipsing through Madison's mind ever since she first sat down here.
I know that a male Supreme is a tough pill to swallow, but it won't be the literal end of the world.
Just come with us to Hawthorne.
I'll arrange a dinner; I'll even steer the conversation.
But we need you to find out what Ariel knows and what he's planning.
If you won't do it for the future of the planet, perhaps you'll do it to repay me for my decades of loyalty.
Out of all the people currently in your life, I'd wager there's only one who's come close enough to learn your actual age.
Ha.
Hmm.
Cheers.
Are you sure about this, Cordelia? Make a deal with Papa Legba and he will fulfill his end.
But he'll make damn sure you do, too.
Don't promise anything you can't deliver.
I understand.
Papa Legba, ouvirier barrier pour moi agoe.
Papa Legba, ouvirier barrier pour moi agoe.
Papa Legba, ouvirier barrier pour moi agoe.
[GASPS.]
[SIGHS.]
Dinah Stevens.
No voodoo priestess gives me better rum.
Hello, Papa.
PAPA LEGBA: You've outdone yourself, Mambo.
Does this mean you've reconsidered my offer? Hell no.
You charge more for immortality than a little Cuban contraband.
And I told you, I'm not about snatching newborns from the maternity ward.
I'm here because she paid me.
So let's get to it.
The Witch Queen.
I've been looking forward to this meeting.
You come with an intriguing request.
You know why I'm here? The Antichrist.
Michael Langdon, bringer of the End of Days.
But what makes you think I can help? I am merely a gatekeeper between humanity and the underworld.
Open the gates.
I will lure him inside and he will be condemned to roam the underworld.
Betray Satan's spawn Ouf.
I would be putting myself at great risk.
Name your price.
[CHUCKLES.]
The last time a conspiring Mambo and Witch Queen summoned me they brought me the greatest offering.
Come out, child.
Oh, my God.
Cordelia, long time no see, bitch.
Fucking Fiona.
If you've hurt her It's okay.
Papa's nice to me.
And I really like Hell, it's fun.
Fun? What do you do down there? I make trouble.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Nan is my favorite little helper.
I could use more like her.
You want me to give you a soul.
And you want me to perform a coup.
An order so tall demands a steep price.
Not one soul, but all of them.
Your girls.
No.
I won't give you my girls.
You want a soul, take mine.
You are not enough.
I'm the most powerful witch on Earth.
[LAUGHS.]
I've made my offer.
Turn it down and you will not get another.
Don't be a fool, Cordelia.
NAN: Please? I want to see my friends again.
I miss them.
I'm sorry, Nan.
I can't.
[SNIFFS.]
Mmm.
Then we have no deal.
Come, child.
Dinah, what do I have to do? There must be something else I can offer, something else that I can do.
It doesn't work like that.
Papa made you an offer and he only makes one.
And you refused him.
So that's it.
You blew it.
Now, not only will your girls die, but six billion other people will, too.
MALLORY: So what's the new Supreme like? Is he nice? - Girl, he ain't nobody's Supreme yet.
- MALLORY: I don't get it.
So, when does he become Supreme? Um The new Supreme rises only when the old one dies.
[FOOTFALLS APPROACHING, COCO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
You guys.
You guys, you guys! You're never gonna believe it.
What? I discovered a new power.
I don't want to toot my own horn, but it's pretty incredible.
[MOANS.]
[GASPS.]
476 calories.
Mal? Large chocolate chip muffin is 476 calories.
Bullshit.
You looked it up, didn't you? No, I swear on the souls of the Supremes that I didn't.
I just stare at a piece of food and a number pops into my head.
That means your powers are growing.
That's great.
That's amazing, Coco.
I told you, you just needed to apply yourself.
I used to feel embarrassed about my powers, but now I'm kind of proud.
Like, I think I could really help people with this.
Kind of like a human Weight Watchers.
Now, why don't you show us what else you can do? [MOANS, GASPS.]
407.
Right.
[MOANS, GASPS.]
924.
606.
150.
She's right.
Aw, yeah.
[MOANS.]
- 49.
- Right again.
Okay, no, no.
One more.
One more, one more.
Okay, you know what? I think I need a break.
It really takes it out of me, you know? - QUEENIE: Don't be a pussy! - Whew! The only way to expand your powers is by pushing yourself.
With a Sno Ball? Do you want to just trust me? [MOANS, GASPS.]
80.
ZOE: [SCOFFS.]
No way there's only 80 calories in that thing.
- [GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
QUEENIE: Yeah, I always think I love these things, then I take two bites and it turns out I hate them.
I don't have that problem.
Mmm.
Guess that ass could use another 80 calories, huh? [LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- [COUGHS.]
- [GAGGING, CHOKING.]
- ZOE: Hey.
Hey, are you okay? - Holy shit.
Coco, breathe.
Okay, breathe! - QUEENIE: Hey, hey, hey.
Coco, just [VOICES ECHOING.]
Do a spell! [VOICES ECHOING.]
Oh, shit, she's dead now.
[SCREAMING.]
[GASPS, COUGHS.]
QUEENIE: Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, you're okay.
What was that? I just helped her.
I've never seen anything like it.
I've never even heard of a spell for what you just did.
[EXHALES.]
I've got you.
I don't want the girls to see me like this.
Will you help me to my room? Of course.
It's happening faster than I expected.
Michael will destroy us.
He's already started with me.
I can't fight him, Zoe.
Not in my condition.
Maybe you don't have to.
Maybe there's someone here who will be ready.
I don't think you're fading because Michael's the next Supreme.
I think it's Mallory.
[THEREMIN PLAYING EERIE MELODY.]
Oh, Myrtle, you are a genius.
Every note you play has a way of entering my body and stirring things up.
Easy on the champagne, dear.
We're here on business.
[THEREMIN STOPS.]
Ladies.
To what do we owe the pleasure? We've prepared a meal as a form of apology.
I realize now that under trying circumstances, some words may have been spoken that were poorly articulated.
You called him a pathetic, pompous ass.
An error she is eager to redress.
I am Bubbles.
Bubbles McGee.
You may have seen me on the silver screen.
Well, maybe on one of those procedurals that you see on CBS.
Well, my true magic is in the kitchen.
And tonight we have prepared for you the most wonderful, delicious, succulent meal of your entire life.
And why would we ever want to dine with you? Because I was wrong and you were right.
I have to swallow my hubris.
A man will be our next Supreme.
He won the position fair and square.
I want to show you my loyalty, and you can show me your forgiveness.
We can be the example that unites our covens.
Mmm.
Bubbles, you've exceeded your promise.
This is a meal fit for a Supreme.
[CHUCKLES.]
: Oh, thank you so much.
Where is our dear Michael? I was hoping he could join us.
In the wilderness.
Literally.
Michael has decided that he needs to be completely alone.
Cordelia had a similar awakening.
ARIEL: Oh, no.
[CHUCKLES.]
: I've had enough.
Oh, but this is Château Lafite.
The bottle alone is the same price as a small house.
- [QUIETLY.]
: Oh, come on.
- This is a special bottle.
I must tell you the story of how we procured it.
We were in Madrid.
[FADING.]
: Maybe it was Barcelona BALDWIN: God, I hate - this bitch.
- We happened upon this amazing little shop with an ancient old man.
He would vanish somewhere and bring out mysterious bottles of wine.
ARIEL: No one has brought up John Henry.
I'm glad that fucker is a pile of ash.
After some conversation, and maybe a little magical intervention - Oh.
- he brought us down to a secret cellar filled with spectacular reds stolen from Mussolini's private collection.
Oh, I love a full-bodied red.
We got the Lafite for a bargain.
I don't like to use my magic for personal gain.
ARIEL: I can't wait until they're dead, every last stinking witch.
You're right, of course.
Bad Myrtle.
[LAUGHTER.]
This has been such a delight.
I knew, if we could dine together, we would find commonality and, dare I say BALDWIN: I want to wipe the smiles off their smug little faces.
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh, my.
It's getting late.
Oh.
It is.
Very late.
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY.]
But I feel like we've finally gotten to know each other.
Well, don't bother.
We'll clear everything up.
Amateurs.
Well, what'd you hear? They murdered one of their own.
And now they mean to murder all of us.
Well, it's perfectly clear.
It's kill or be killed.
We'll tell Cordelia, strike back together.
- - [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[OTHERS LAUGHING.]
These are marvelous.
Hey, what's the matter? I just feel weird.
I don't want to rise if it means Miss Cordelia has to fall.
Don't ever be ashamed of who you are, Mallory.
This is how it's always worked.
And when the time does come, I will be heartened to know that you will be the one to lead this coven.
But I'm not dead yet.
And there are more tests to be passed.
[LAUGHS.]
: So please drink up.
- [OTHERS LAUGHING.]
- Cheers.
- Cheers for us.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
How can you witches sit around here casually sipping wine when people are going to die? There's an Antichrist on the loose, - trying to destroy the world.
- MYRTLE: Yes, and let's not forget who aided in his ascension.
Yeah.
I know.
I'm guilty.
But now we know what he's capable of.
Madison and I saw firsthand the people he hurt.
His own family.
Michael was born evil.
We've got to stop him.
And we will.
But tonight we are celebrating.
Because this could be the last time we'll all be together.
I'm not naive, Behold.
I know damn well the challenges we're facing.
I've known for some time.
It forced me to do something I vowed I would never do.
And it almost killed me.
[SHUDDERING.]
[GASPS, PANTS.]
Cinis est anima, oriri ex igne, revertere ad me, revertere ad me! - [RUMBLING.]
- Revertere ad me! Reverter [GRUNTING WEAKLY.]
Cordelia, what have you done? I gave you strict instructions not to bring me back.
I know.
But danger is coming.
And I need your guidance.
I don't know how to protect my girls.
[SOBS.]
[SOBBING.]
I knew I had to do everything in my power to prepare you girls for what was coming.
And now that we are united and ready it's time to fire the first shot.
[WHOOSHING.]
[LOW RUMBLING.]
John Henry.
What's left of him.
I remember him being taller.
Mallory.
Use your powers to bring John Henry back to us.
[WHOOSHING.]
["NOCTURNE IN E-FLAT MAJOR" BY FRÃDÃRIC CHOPIN PLAYING.]
[FILM PROJECTOR CLICKING.]
JOHN HENRY: What I've seen what I've learned is a matter of life and death.
[COUGHING.]
- It's okay.
Just take your time.
- Mm.
We need information about the night you died.
Who killed you? Was it Ariel? Baldwin? What are you talking about? We know your brothers conspired against you.
[SIGHS.]
- Weren't they there? - No, it wasn't them.
I was killed by a woman.
What woman? [MOANS.]
Shit.
Really? Not every power is a blessing.
Well.
I have the power of too much information.
How am I ever gonna eat another corn dog? [CHUCKLES.]
Power is often not what it seems.
I suspect your gift has more to offer.
I need you to do something for me.
Anything.
Michael has an ally.
Someone who poses a dangerous threat to our coven.
A traitor.
And she needs to be eliminated.
Wait, you want me to do this? I'm basically just a walking nutrition label.
It's not that I am afraid.
I would do anything for the coven, but Mallory is much stronger than I am.
I mean, she's the next Supreme.
Mallory has another part to play in all this.
I am asking you to do yours.
What do you want me to do? BUTCHER: Ms.
Mead, what can I do for you? Give me a pound and a half of your cheapest cut.
Oh, and a couple of those cloven hooves for that satanic zing.
Here's your stew meat.
And, uh, two extra-large hooves.
[CART CLATTERS.]
[SIGHS.]
I hope you like it hot, bitch, 'cause where you're going You dumb heretic.
I saw you following me in that store.
I'm gonna boil you in my Crock-Pot, missy.
[GRUNTS.]
[MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
- Did we get her? - Yeah.
- Am I gonna die? - No.
You're gonna sleep.
Oh.
Mission accomplished.
BALDWIN: Mm, mm, mm.
Careful.
It's the deadliest I've ever created.
I won't bore you with the ingredients, but suffice to say this powder has taken me a lifetime to perfect.
I'm so happy that we're finally able to put it to good use.
- Delivery? - Through the air.
Once inhaled, mere seconds pass before the cellular walls inside the body break down.
The victims will literally bleed out through their pores.
[COUGHS.]
What the fuck?! - Are you trying to kill me? - No.
Because it only kills women.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHS.]
BALDWIN: This is the magic bullet we will use to destroy the witches.
[WOMEN COUGHING.]
This is truly inspired.
Those bitches love to go on about how a warlock will never equal one of them.
I wonder what they'd say now if they saw what you've done.
[CHUCKLES.]
CORDELIA: They'd say it was plagiarism.
Agnes Sampson concocted the identical formula back in 1590.
You've just switched around the genders.
Unfortunately, Agnes was burned at the stake before she got a chance to use it.
Seems you've made the same mistake.
Cordelia, your powers have already waned.
Michael will bring Perpetuum clausis.
[ARIEL AND BALDWIN GRUNTING.]
My powers are waning.
Say it again.
[GRUNTING CONTINUES.]
CORDELIA: Ariel Augustus.
Baldwin Pennypacker.
For the murder of your fellow warlock, John Henry Moore, and conspiring to commit treason against this coven, I, Cordelia Goode, on behalf of this council, sentence you to death by fire.
Our people have long stood by an agreement that no witch may kill a condemned warlock.
Only your brother may light the flame.
I do not intend to break with that tradition today.
May I? Any last words? Ah, right.
You think death is a punishment? I do not fear the fire.
It cleanses me, as it will cleanse this world.
I've seen the end.
I bear witness to the darkness.
Father! Take me in your arms.
Your kingdom is nigh.
[LAUGHS.]
[GROANS.]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING.]
You don't have to look if you don't want to.
- [BLOOD SPURTING.]
- [GASPS.]
[PANTING.]
[CRACKING.]
[GASPS.]
- [CRACKING.]
- [GASPS.]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
TIFFANY: Do you have it? Of course.
Do you? Did she feel the pain? That bitch tried to steal my husband.
I want that whore to have felt the pain.
I'm gonna need something from you.
Toenails? Nasty.
You really hate your husband.
No.
I hate his wandering dick.
Strawberries make it go down easier.
[GAGGING.]
Mm-mm.
- [GAGS.]
- Mm-mm.
[GAGGING CONTINUES.]
[COUGHING.]
[GULPING.]
[MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
[COUGHING.]
[EXHALES.]
That's it? Tell all your friends.
The voodoo queen can fix any problem.
When he wakes up, he's not gonna remember a thing.
And from this moment on, his dick won't get hard for anyone but you.
Good.
[KEYS JANGLE.]
Making house calls? I can't believe you would dare show your face, after what you witches done to our queen.
God rest her soul.
You know we had nothing to do with that.
Fact is, Marie Laveau's demise elevated you to the queen of voodoo.
What's a queen without subjects? Or a domain? There's too much poverty and crime in New Orleans to scratch out a goddamn living.
And out here, not enough white folks come to us for voodoo.
They don't want to be appropriating our culture.
I call bullshit.
The only thing that matters in this world isn't white or black.
It's green.
You got money, all the doors open.
Maybe you can open one for me.
I need your help, Dinah.
You're the most powerful witch in the world.
What can I do that you couldn't? Get me a meeting with Papa Legba.
You're at a crossroads, Cordelia.
That would be the only reason you need to talk to the voodoo devil.
I'll owe you one.
I don't do favors.
$100,000.
Cash.
NIGEL: Merry Christmas, dearest.
I hope you like it.
It's never easy shopping for the most beautiful woman in the world.
[CHUCKLES.]
: Oh, darling.
It doesn't matter What the hell is this? I always feel so inadequate whenever you wear heels, crumpet.
You know how sensitive I am about my height.
Why worry about your height when you're so inadequate in so many other areas? Here we go.
- Mm.
- Try to remember that this is the season of giving.
Well, this is what I would like to give you! [SCOFFS.]
You haven't the guts.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [GASPS.]
- [CACKLING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Neither have you.
[GROANING.]
And I fucked your business partner every year since 1972.
TILLY: Grandma? Grandma? Grandma! I heard a noise.
Is Santa here? Oh, not yet, sweetie.
Now, you go back to bed, because if he knows you're awake, you might scare him off.
[GRUNTING.]
[SQUEAKING.]
[SIGHS.]
Horrible old bastard.
- Ugh.
- [DOORBELL RINGS.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
[DOORKNOB RATTLING.]
- Yes? - [POUNDING CONTINUES.]
If you're collecting for charity, I don't give to charity.
NEWSCASTER: We interrupt to bring you this emergency news bulletin.
The individual who escaped from the Brisbane Asylum for the Criminally Insane has now been identified as the notorious Decapitation Killer.
He is a white male, six feet tall, and dressed in a Santa Claus suit.
If spotted, do not attempt to engage the killer, but immediately contact the police.
[THUMPING OVERHEAD.]
CRAZED SANTA: Ho ho ho.
It's Santa! He's coming down the chimney! - Ho ho ho.
- No! [SCREAMS.]
No! [SCREAMS.]
[SNARLS.]
Run! To the neighbors! [POUNDING CONTINUES.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMS, GASPS.]
Ho ho ho.
No! Ho ho - [COUGHS.]
- DIRECTOR: Cut! [BELL RINGS.]
- Sorry.
- Jesus Christ.
My bad.
It's my dry throat.
Will someone get Santa a cough drop? And please get me out of here.
- Come on, Bubbles.
- [GRUNTING.]
- BUBBLES: Ow.
God.
- You all right? - Who cast that guy? - I don't know.
Hey, but we're gonna rehearse your stunt later, all right? No.
Oh, I, I got the lines right.
This is killing me, this belt.
Ow.
Ooh, thanks.
Oh.
GRIP: Hey, the old broad still has it.
Oh, man, I got to take a shit.
Congratulations! I suppose, for you, taking a shit is a form of reproduction.
Go on.
Go to it.
Go on.
You still have a way with people.
Well, well, well.
So, the disturbing rumors are true.
You are back.
Which is more than I can say for you.
Didn't you already make this movie? Before they had sound? When was the last time that you were on a movie set, missy? I mean other than the ones in which the actors don't have to wear protection.
You were one of the reasons why I left the coven.
As the only witch who was also an actress - Says you.
- I repeat, as the only witch who was also an actress, I decided that I didn't want to be living like a nun and herding all those spoiled brats when I could be out honing my craft.
[COUGHING LOUDLY.]
- Your craft? - Yes.
Witchcraft is a talent that I was born with.
But acting, I had to work for.
I had to struggle.
You and your generation think that you can get whatever you want with the click of a mouse or the uttering of a spell.
But, let me tell you, to achieve something, that's magic of the highest order.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Well, I didn't come here to visit.
You've been summoned.
Summoned? [SIGHS.]
We are facing a situation.
Like, a world situation.
Like "everything we know hangs in the balance" kind of thing.
So it's all hands on deck.
Even the ones with age spots.
Get your broom.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Cheers.
You bitch.
WAITER: Wow, I think I've seen her in a movie before.
I wonder what kind of panties she's got on.
Yesterday was silk.
I'm sorry? But I prefer to wear nothing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wait, that's your power? What you are witnessing, my dear, is my human wiles.
MYRTLE: Bubbles has the power of lectio animo.
The ability to listen to someone's very soul.
So the bitch reads minds.
Bubbles knows exactly how to extract the truth in any situation, which is precisely why we need her.
I'm presuming the two of you go way back to the very dawn of time.
We were young witches at the academy and we became instant friends.
MYRTLE: To this day, my mastery of the art of fellatio is unparalleled, thanks to this special teacher here at the table.
MADISON: Okay, let me be the adult here and redirect this trip down memory lane.
We have a real fucking problem.
Our next Supreme has us barreling towards annihilation.
The issue here is not only Michael, it's the warlocks.
They're protecting him.
Ariel Augustus You think he's dangerous, impatient.
Hell-bent on clearing a path for Michael yet with nary a detail of what you heard, you expect me to read his mind.
Did you just read hers? Like a Sidney Sheldon novel, darling.
Then you must know the gravity of the situation.
That Michael is the spawn of Satan? Yes, that thought has been traipsing through Madison's mind ever since she first sat down here.
I know that a male Supreme is a tough pill to swallow, but it won't be the literal end of the world.
Just come with us to Hawthorne.
I'll arrange a dinner; I'll even steer the conversation.
But we need you to find out what Ariel knows and what he's planning.
If you won't do it for the future of the planet, perhaps you'll do it to repay me for my decades of loyalty.
Out of all the people currently in your life, I'd wager there's only one who's come close enough to learn your actual age.
Ha.
Hmm.
Cheers.
Are you sure about this, Cordelia? Make a deal with Papa Legba and he will fulfill his end.
But he'll make damn sure you do, too.
Don't promise anything you can't deliver.
I understand.
Papa Legba, ouvirier barrier pour moi agoe.
Papa Legba, ouvirier barrier pour moi agoe.
Papa Legba, ouvirier barrier pour moi agoe.
[GASPS.]
[SIGHS.]
Dinah Stevens.
No voodoo priestess gives me better rum.
Hello, Papa.
PAPA LEGBA: You've outdone yourself, Mambo.
Does this mean you've reconsidered my offer? Hell no.
You charge more for immortality than a little Cuban contraband.
And I told you, I'm not about snatching newborns from the maternity ward.
I'm here because she paid me.
So let's get to it.
The Witch Queen.
I've been looking forward to this meeting.
You come with an intriguing request.
You know why I'm here? The Antichrist.
Michael Langdon, bringer of the End of Days.
But what makes you think I can help? I am merely a gatekeeper between humanity and the underworld.
Open the gates.
I will lure him inside and he will be condemned to roam the underworld.
Betray Satan's spawn Ouf.
I would be putting myself at great risk.
Name your price.
[CHUCKLES.]
The last time a conspiring Mambo and Witch Queen summoned me they brought me the greatest offering.
Come out, child.
Oh, my God.
Cordelia, long time no see, bitch.
Fucking Fiona.
If you've hurt her It's okay.
Papa's nice to me.
And I really like Hell, it's fun.
Fun? What do you do down there? I make trouble.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Nan is my favorite little helper.
I could use more like her.
You want me to give you a soul.
And you want me to perform a coup.
An order so tall demands a steep price.
Not one soul, but all of them.
Your girls.
No.
I won't give you my girls.
You want a soul, take mine.
You are not enough.
I'm the most powerful witch on Earth.
[LAUGHS.]
I've made my offer.
Turn it down and you will not get another.
Don't be a fool, Cordelia.
NAN: Please? I want to see my friends again.
I miss them.
I'm sorry, Nan.
I can't.
[SNIFFS.]
Mmm.
Then we have no deal.
Come, child.
Dinah, what do I have to do? There must be something else I can offer, something else that I can do.
It doesn't work like that.
Papa made you an offer and he only makes one.
And you refused him.
So that's it.
You blew it.
Now, not only will your girls die, but six billion other people will, too.
MALLORY: So what's the new Supreme like? Is he nice? - Girl, he ain't nobody's Supreme yet.
- MALLORY: I don't get it.
So, when does he become Supreme? Um The new Supreme rises only when the old one dies.
[FOOTFALLS APPROACHING, COCO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
You guys.
You guys, you guys! You're never gonna believe it.
What? I discovered a new power.
I don't want to toot my own horn, but it's pretty incredible.
[MOANS.]
[GASPS.]
476 calories.
Mal? Large chocolate chip muffin is 476 calories.
Bullshit.
You looked it up, didn't you? No, I swear on the souls of the Supremes that I didn't.
I just stare at a piece of food and a number pops into my head.
That means your powers are growing.
That's great.
That's amazing, Coco.
I told you, you just needed to apply yourself.
I used to feel embarrassed about my powers, but now I'm kind of proud.
Like, I think I could really help people with this.
Kind of like a human Weight Watchers.
Now, why don't you show us what else you can do? [MOANS, GASPS.]
407.
Right.
[MOANS, GASPS.]
924.
606.
150.
She's right.
Aw, yeah.
[MOANS.]
- 49.
- Right again.
Okay, no, no.
One more.
One more, one more.
Okay, you know what? I think I need a break.
It really takes it out of me, you know? - QUEENIE: Don't be a pussy! - Whew! The only way to expand your powers is by pushing yourself.
With a Sno Ball? Do you want to just trust me? [MOANS, GASPS.]
80.
ZOE: [SCOFFS.]
No way there's only 80 calories in that thing.
- [GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
QUEENIE: Yeah, I always think I love these things, then I take two bites and it turns out I hate them.
I don't have that problem.
Mmm.
Guess that ass could use another 80 calories, huh? [LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- [COUGHS.]
- [GAGGING, CHOKING.]
- ZOE: Hey.
Hey, are you okay? - Holy shit.
Coco, breathe.
Okay, breathe! - QUEENIE: Hey, hey, hey.
Coco, just [VOICES ECHOING.]
Do a spell! [VOICES ECHOING.]
Oh, shit, she's dead now.
[SCREAMING.]
[GASPS, COUGHS.]
QUEENIE: Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, you're okay.
What was that? I just helped her.
I've never seen anything like it.
I've never even heard of a spell for what you just did.
[EXHALES.]
I've got you.
I don't want the girls to see me like this.
Will you help me to my room? Of course.
It's happening faster than I expected.
Michael will destroy us.
He's already started with me.
I can't fight him, Zoe.
Not in my condition.
Maybe you don't have to.
Maybe there's someone here who will be ready.
I don't think you're fading because Michael's the next Supreme.
I think it's Mallory.
[THEREMIN PLAYING EERIE MELODY.]
Oh, Myrtle, you are a genius.
Every note you play has a way of entering my body and stirring things up.
Easy on the champagne, dear.
We're here on business.
[THEREMIN STOPS.]
Ladies.
To what do we owe the pleasure? We've prepared a meal as a form of apology.
I realize now that under trying circumstances, some words may have been spoken that were poorly articulated.
You called him a pathetic, pompous ass.
An error she is eager to redress.
I am Bubbles.
Bubbles McGee.
You may have seen me on the silver screen.
Well, maybe on one of those procedurals that you see on CBS.
Well, my true magic is in the kitchen.
And tonight we have prepared for you the most wonderful, delicious, succulent meal of your entire life.
And why would we ever want to dine with you? Because I was wrong and you were right.
I have to swallow my hubris.
A man will be our next Supreme.
He won the position fair and square.
I want to show you my loyalty, and you can show me your forgiveness.
We can be the example that unites our covens.
Mmm.
Bubbles, you've exceeded your promise.
This is a meal fit for a Supreme.
[CHUCKLES.]
: Oh, thank you so much.
Where is our dear Michael? I was hoping he could join us.
In the wilderness.
Literally.
Michael has decided that he needs to be completely alone.
Cordelia had a similar awakening.
ARIEL: Oh, no.
[CHUCKLES.]
: I've had enough.
Oh, but this is Château Lafite.
The bottle alone is the same price as a small house.
- [QUIETLY.]
: Oh, come on.
- This is a special bottle.
I must tell you the story of how we procured it.
We were in Madrid.
[FADING.]
: Maybe it was Barcelona BALDWIN: God, I hate - this bitch.
- We happened upon this amazing little shop with an ancient old man.
He would vanish somewhere and bring out mysterious bottles of wine.
ARIEL: No one has brought up John Henry.
I'm glad that fucker is a pile of ash.
After some conversation, and maybe a little magical intervention - Oh.
- he brought us down to a secret cellar filled with spectacular reds stolen from Mussolini's private collection.
Oh, I love a full-bodied red.
We got the Lafite for a bargain.
I don't like to use my magic for personal gain.
ARIEL: I can't wait until they're dead, every last stinking witch.
You're right, of course.
Bad Myrtle.
[LAUGHTER.]
This has been such a delight.
I knew, if we could dine together, we would find commonality and, dare I say BALDWIN: I want to wipe the smiles off their smug little faces.
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh, my.
It's getting late.
Oh.
It is.
Very late.
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY.]
But I feel like we've finally gotten to know each other.
Well, don't bother.
We'll clear everything up.
Amateurs.
Well, what'd you hear? They murdered one of their own.
And now they mean to murder all of us.
Well, it's perfectly clear.
It's kill or be killed.
We'll tell Cordelia, strike back together.
- - [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[OTHERS LAUGHING.]
These are marvelous.
Hey, what's the matter? I just feel weird.
I don't want to rise if it means Miss Cordelia has to fall.
Don't ever be ashamed of who you are, Mallory.
This is how it's always worked.
And when the time does come, I will be heartened to know that you will be the one to lead this coven.
But I'm not dead yet.
And there are more tests to be passed.
[LAUGHS.]
: So please drink up.
- [OTHERS LAUGHING.]
- Cheers.
- Cheers for us.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
How can you witches sit around here casually sipping wine when people are going to die? There's an Antichrist on the loose, - trying to destroy the world.
- MYRTLE: Yes, and let's not forget who aided in his ascension.
Yeah.
I know.
I'm guilty.
But now we know what he's capable of.
Madison and I saw firsthand the people he hurt.
His own family.
Michael was born evil.
We've got to stop him.
And we will.
But tonight we are celebrating.
Because this could be the last time we'll all be together.
I'm not naive, Behold.
I know damn well the challenges we're facing.
I've known for some time.
It forced me to do something I vowed I would never do.
And it almost killed me.
[SHUDDERING.]
[GASPS, PANTS.]
Cinis est anima, oriri ex igne, revertere ad me, revertere ad me! - [RUMBLING.]
- Revertere ad me! Reverter [GRUNTING WEAKLY.]
Cordelia, what have you done? I gave you strict instructions not to bring me back.
I know.
But danger is coming.
And I need your guidance.
I don't know how to protect my girls.
[SOBS.]
[SOBBING.]
I knew I had to do everything in my power to prepare you girls for what was coming.
And now that we are united and ready it's time to fire the first shot.
[WHOOSHING.]
[LOW RUMBLING.]
John Henry.
What's left of him.
I remember him being taller.
Mallory.
Use your powers to bring John Henry back to us.
[WHOOSHING.]
["NOCTURNE IN E-FLAT MAJOR" BY FRÃDÃRIC CHOPIN PLAYING.]
[FILM PROJECTOR CLICKING.]
JOHN HENRY: What I've seen what I've learned is a matter of life and death.
[COUGHING.]
- It's okay.
Just take your time.
- Mm.
We need information about the night you died.
Who killed you? Was it Ariel? Baldwin? What are you talking about? We know your brothers conspired against you.
[SIGHS.]
- Weren't they there? - No, it wasn't them.
I was killed by a woman.
What woman? [MOANS.]
Shit.
Really? Not every power is a blessing.
Well.
I have the power of too much information.
How am I ever gonna eat another corn dog? [CHUCKLES.]
Power is often not what it seems.
I suspect your gift has more to offer.
I need you to do something for me.
Anything.
Michael has an ally.
Someone who poses a dangerous threat to our coven.
A traitor.
And she needs to be eliminated.
Wait, you want me to do this? I'm basically just a walking nutrition label.
It's not that I am afraid.
I would do anything for the coven, but Mallory is much stronger than I am.
I mean, she's the next Supreme.
Mallory has another part to play in all this.
I am asking you to do yours.
What do you want me to do? BUTCHER: Ms.
Mead, what can I do for you? Give me a pound and a half of your cheapest cut.
Oh, and a couple of those cloven hooves for that satanic zing.
Here's your stew meat.
And, uh, two extra-large hooves.
[CART CLATTERS.]
[SIGHS.]
I hope you like it hot, bitch, 'cause where you're going You dumb heretic.
I saw you following me in that store.
I'm gonna boil you in my Crock-Pot, missy.
[GRUNTS.]
[MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
- Did we get her? - Yeah.
- Am I gonna die? - No.
You're gonna sleep.
Oh.
Mission accomplished.
BALDWIN: Mm, mm, mm.
Careful.
It's the deadliest I've ever created.
I won't bore you with the ingredients, but suffice to say this powder has taken me a lifetime to perfect.
I'm so happy that we're finally able to put it to good use.
- Delivery? - Through the air.
Once inhaled, mere seconds pass before the cellular walls inside the body break down.
The victims will literally bleed out through their pores.
[COUGHS.]
What the fuck?! - Are you trying to kill me? - No.
Because it only kills women.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHS.]
BALDWIN: This is the magic bullet we will use to destroy the witches.
[WOMEN COUGHING.]
This is truly inspired.
Those bitches love to go on about how a warlock will never equal one of them.
I wonder what they'd say now if they saw what you've done.
[CHUCKLES.]
CORDELIA: They'd say it was plagiarism.
Agnes Sampson concocted the identical formula back in 1590.
You've just switched around the genders.
Unfortunately, Agnes was burned at the stake before she got a chance to use it.
Seems you've made the same mistake.
Cordelia, your powers have already waned.
Michael will bring Perpetuum clausis.
[ARIEL AND BALDWIN GRUNTING.]
My powers are waning.
Say it again.
[GRUNTING CONTINUES.]
CORDELIA: Ariel Augustus.
Baldwin Pennypacker.
For the murder of your fellow warlock, John Henry Moore, and conspiring to commit treason against this coven, I, Cordelia Goode, on behalf of this council, sentence you to death by fire.
Our people have long stood by an agreement that no witch may kill a condemned warlock.
Only your brother may light the flame.
I do not intend to break with that tradition today.
May I? Any last words? Ah, right.
You think death is a punishment? I do not fear the fire.
It cleanses me, as it will cleanse this world.
I've seen the end.
I bear witness to the darkness.
Father! Take me in your arms.
Your kingdom is nigh.
[LAUGHS.]
[GROANS.]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING.]
You don't have to look if you don't want to.